You know the rest is up to you

But the unifying theme here is whatever floats my boat

[depsidase]

[stealingpotatoes]

happy neil banging out the tunes day to everyone who celebrates

[oneclickangel]

reblog if you're corny and insufferable

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[angelicguy]

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

[seaweed-station]

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

[ruinedchildhood]

A guy in China built a fully working subway system and station for his cats

[donsdawn]

GUYS I FOUND HIS YOUTUBE CHANNEL FOR ANYONE INTERESTED ITS

Xing's World

Hi, I'm Xing, I spent two years making a mini home for my pets. I love making and tinkering! Please subscribe to see all the cool miniatu

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

tgis is so fucking funny to me. they accidentally Rock Lee'd a retired racehorse

[boyhood]

Did a school visit today and asked a group of 8th graders if they could define the term "contemporary art" for me [for context, I work at a contemporary art museum], and one of them said "Is it art that's made with contempt?"

And unfortunately that's the funniest thing a student has ever said to me in 10 years of teaching

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[ozth]

what? oh sweetheart no, you're not weirding me out at all. you're weirding me in. keep talking, freak

[odd-maid3n]

[knight--error]

[largishcat]

i actually get a bit annoyed with people who get a bit annoyed when people say “sorry” in response to their bad news. “why are you apologizing you didn’t do anything :/” like okay well a) you don’t know that and actually yes i am the secret architect of all your woes and have been this whole time, way to refuse to acknowledge a woman (gender neutral)’s accomplishments. and b) we’re both fluent english speakers so you know perfectly well that “sorry” isn’t always an apology and is very commonly used as an expression of general regret or sympathy. not in this case, because i have been your secret nemesis for years, meticulously plotting your every misery, but, like, in general

[scramratz]

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do the dishes!

[scramratz]

I did it! It sucked but I did it!

[scramratz]

[himynameisemail]

[batbetbitbotbut]

Safety first!

[secondbeatsongs]

[1989nihil]

are you sure, op? Please define why this is a pipe, I am sceptique

[secondbeatsongs]

I didn't say that it was a pipe, just that I'm calling it one

[queermania]

good news i'm the most fuckable person at this vehicular manslaughter

[queermania]

to answer all your burning questions:

1. yes, i saved him in my phone as Eric Vehicularmanslaughter when we initially exchanged info

2. yes, i'm aware it's only manslaughter if i died. i'm a ghost, bitch. boo!

3. yes, i have hEDS

4. yes, that shit still hurts like a motherfucker

5. no, i don't remember what joke i made

6. eric was very sweet and appropriately concerned after hitting me with his car

7. he hit my body, not my car

8. i turned him down because he was very young, like young enough that i'm not entirely convinced he's old enough to buy alcohol

9. if you are one of the people in the notes saying you too would have gone for it and you're old enough to both buy alcohol and rent a car in the u.s., feel free to shoot your shot. especially if you're inexplicably wealthy and like showering ghosts with loosey goosey joints in expensive gifts

10. i understand and respect that this is a ready-made fic prompt. go forth and make your blorbos kiss. tag me if it's sambucky. i want to read that shit

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[acreaturecalledgreed]

i was gonna say it Does have a tail thats what the cord is thats why its called a mouse!!!! and then i remembered most mouses are cordless now and got fucked up bc IT IS A HAMSTER and now immfucked up bc like. technology has advanced so must thay mice have changed species

[acreaturecalledgreed]

it matters to me that you all know i was wizard high when i wrote that

[bizarrequazar]

May I offer to you,

[scarlettohairdye]

I love the hamster mice but I think we need to discuss the term “wizard high,” something I have never heard before but is incredibly evocative

[captainkingsley]

baby dragons whose scales are much more shiny and iridescent in order to hide in their parents' hoards

[kyraneko]

absolutely excellent top-notch thought here, but now you've got me wondering what's trying to eat them

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

you misunderstand, this isn't 'I look like the ground so predators walk right past me' camouflage, this is 'I look like the savannah grass so I can pounce on unsuspecting prey' camouflage

they're hiding in the hoards to bite the hands of unsuspecting humans who sneak past mama

[aquawyrm]

Perhaps the shininess also makes them more endearing to adult dragons, increasing the likelihood of adoption if something happens to mama.

[roach-works]

maybe dragons collect hoards to camouflage their babies