Okay, but what if Danny, in an effort to be less of a liar and more of a cheater, learned sleight of hand and magic and lock picking?
What if, as he gets older and the need to explain how he got in somewhere, or how he got something, or how he got out of something gets to be so abysmally frequent that he just decides: fuck it. I’m gonna be that guy. You know, that guy that just Knows Weird Shit. That guy that just Does Things because he’s a little feral.
Instead of risking his identity and/or getting shot at as Phantom he just...becomes the delinquent that breaks into random places just to see if he could. Just ‘cause he’s bored. If they coincide with Phantom’s activities? Well. Phantom’s a cool guy. Maybe he’s got taste.
He’ll break out some card tricks, do a little invisibility, make a little telekinesis happen--just cool little party tricks in the middle of the day. Break into locked closets just to ditch class purely because “fiddling with his magic tricks is better than class” (and totally not because he’s out there fighting ghosts, no sirree).
Practices incessantly during lunch hours. Starts trying to break out of handcuffs in math class. A little bit of a routine with escape artist tricks applied liberally to get out of English class. Tries to see if a teacher can catch him in the act. (They never can, and it only takes a couple months for it to be purely on his skill, and not with a little help from his powers).
Loudly proclaims he’s trying to hunt Phantom, but not to “rip him apart,” just to hang because Danny thinks he’s really neat.
Imagine that being Danny’s best fucking cover, cause at this point, whose gonna question why Danny is standing right where Phantom just disappeared to? Danny probably broke in just to stalk the poor ghost. Jesus. He’s been in weirder places for weirder reasons. He once pulled a rabbit out of some kid’s ear. His reason?
“I just thought the coin trick was so dull. Plus, you know, bunny ears? ...No? Too much of a stretch? Yeah I thought so too. Oh, well. Back to the drawing board I guess.”
Okay yes, but imagine jack and Maddie losing their absolute shit over it because, wtf Danny we didn't raise you to be a delinquent or a magician, you're going to grow up to be a ghost hunter like us.
And Danny is just like, nah fam.
And so to get back at them, whenever it's a close call coming out of the zone he just tells them he's trying to summon the ghost of Houdini to get more magic tricks
This gives me ideas but on a slightly unrelated note for context:
The Phantom gang being dragged into his "magic shows" and therefore learning specific "acts" in support of Danny/rebelling against the Fentons (and sort of the Mansons).
Sam learning dagger throwing and sword swallowing with glee, doing quick changes and learning how to disguise herself.
(This results in Sam having any number of knives on her, and being able to quick change any attempts of frilly dresses her mom tries to push on her into gothic versions)
Jazz, thinking she's funny, learns "mind reading" and does those "guess your card" tricks. It's just elaborate psychology in reading the intended person's body language. She starts getting more and more tricky with cards and sleight of hand.
Tucker being the ultimate backstage guy and hype MC. Recording the gang's shenanigans and being generally in charge of the social media aspect. Where did he pull all those cameras and fireworks/lights from? Nobody actually knows. But they're live on TikTok now!
Val, with some help from Cujo, being the "animal tamer" (is she an animal tamer if its just one animal?) and doing a bunch of the classic "lion tamer" tricks with Cujo's big version. She's also on some p good terms with Vlad's vultures, and uses every oportunity to fuck with that guy.
(I hc that Val's on the phantom train now, and actively tries to make Vlad's life a little harder every day. Vlad is less of an asshole, but mostly just tries to stay out of their business in this AU. He's less of an antagonist and more of a nosy uncle trying to be better)
What this all means is that the more the Fenton's try to get Danny to behave a little more like a ghost hunter (with the unintended bonus result of getting them less focused on actual ghost hunting) the more the phantom troupe pull elaborate and highly distracting magic tricks.
They try to pull Danny to fight a ghost with them? It's actually Sam disguised as him.
They try to show Danny a new ghost detection device? Val literally pulls it out of Cujo's mouth. How did she get it from their hands? That's a great question!
They try to make Jazz and Danny practice with a new ghost weapon, Jazz throws a couple cards a la Gambit and cuts the weapons in half. She looks them in the eyes and says "Probably needs to be sturdier."
They try to put out some new ghost propaganda, Tucker hijacks their channel for Danny's new juggling routine. (He's juggling a variety of ghosts, some fenton blasters, and an irate Sam).
After the previous fiasco they decide to lock up their weapons, and when they go back to pull some out there's only a post it note from Houdini saying "better luck next time." Danny tries to sell the Houdini signature on ebay but only gets 2 bucks for it even though its authentic.
pov: grace tries to explore outside the biodome, only to find himself in a first person horror game in a foggy pitch dark hellscape with many alien rock spiders, scuttling in and out of the darkness. at least they're all friendly!
The Eridians notice that Grace seems nervous and correctly assume that this is related to him not being able to see them unless they are within the range of his light.
Clearly the best solution to this is to, when you hear Grace coming, LEAP in front of his xenosuit as quickly as possible so as to make sure that you are definitely within range of his light sense.
That loud noise he makes each time is probably some kind of human greeting. Hi Grace!
i'm bored again but that's nothing new. i've counted the freckles on your face (51), and the splotches on the wall (178,320, in the six foot section of the world i can see in from of me before it reds out), and my eyes aren't good enough to count the hairs on your head.
take her ass to the timeloop
i lose myself in a fantasy for a moment, listening to the distant sound of someone talking; words, back when this was all new. memories of other voices are distant and half-imagined. i know academically other people can talk because you told me about yourself once, and the person i can't see told me about the accident
take his ass to the timeloop
maybe it's a memory or maybe it's a dream, but i think about a beach. a world where the horizon isn't red, where the infinite crashing of the vast ocean repeats. i think i was a beach guy.
there's things i used to think about that i don't think about anymore because there's no point. you know all this anyways, i've told you so many times, but. the man who is standing to my right, who i can't see.
take his ass to the timeloop
i wonder about him sometimes, even now. i know, i know, there's no point, there's no point, but i wonder what runs through his mind. is he the lucky one?
take her ass to the timeloop
you and i have each other. he just has my right ear. my right hand, my best friend, the great big fuck up. but there's no point, there's no point, there's no point. i'll never know.
did you know did you know did you know know know that light isn't the fastest thing in the universe? everything without mass goes that fast, lights just what we see. i was told that at some point, and i don't remember anymore why or when. but the fact stuck in my head, little scrap of glass, pearl to my brain oyster to you right now.
what do you mean accident?
i'm sorry i'm having trouble staying lucid right now. i'm having a bad timeloop. if i'm totally honest i've been having a bad time of it for a while now.
what do you mean accident?
i can always tell you about it though because whenever i have a bad timeloop i just look at your eyes and the flowers in your hair, and you make me feel better. how wonderful that i'm looking at you now and always will be.
i want to pretend for a while, and i do, and i think about a memory or a fantasy or whatever about you and me and the man to my right at a beach with tall trees and rocky sand and water and the box that made all this possible and its fun! to think, to remember a place that's different. i'm so glad you're here with me.
take his ass to the timeloop
seagull screaming interspersed with the words that frame the world, maybe hotdogs, other people? and we'd sit there on the rocks and it'd be too too cold but we'd tough it out. i'm very tough. you remember right?
i'll be sure to Remember that
eating is fun. its gotten a bit fuzzy but thats a good thing because we'd all be dead if we needed to eat. we'll never die. i think i liked eating glass. beach glass was free candy in that far off before before before, all pastel colors and sharp razor bite. i'd give you some and you'd bite it happy and we'd remember it for ever ever ever
there's nothing to do but count and pretend and remember and you, but that's okay. we have forever, so i can pretend a lot. being someone other than who i am, you're someone other than who you are. you're already two things, him and her, and that's so interesting to me.
take her ass to the timeloop
lets pretend that-- no no that's boring. i'll go back to counting counting counting. I'll try and count the hairs on your head again, even if my eyes aren't good enough. the effort's worthwhile, and your hair is so pretty-handsome-pretty anyways.
take his ass to the--------
i love the flowers in your hair, all red and white.
i've pretended to be different people before. maybe i'm pretending to be someone else now; it's hard to remember. if it was important, would i have forgotten? we have enough time to figure it out though.
take --- --- to the timeloop
i'm taking a break from counting your hairs, or pretending to count your hairs, or pretending pretending pretending-- and thinking about who i want to be next time. maybe i'll count the spots on the wall and the freckles on your face and the shell casings on the ground again.
take --- --- -- --- timeloop
i meet your eyes again and i wonder, not for the first time, what you're thinking, how much i want to tell you and have told you and will tell you am telling you. do the flowers make it hard to pretend?
the open cavity in your skull spreads flowers of grey and red and white all across the air, across your hair, across the red horizon and white walls that bound our perfect world. i count the pieces of you, displayed forever, swirling in violent beauty-handsome-beauty. 47, 48, 49. your gun is useless on the ground, defanged by eternity in four seconds. you meet my eyes and i'm so so happy.
---- -- --- ---- -------?
i have everything i want here and now and forever. i pretend, i remember, i count, i look at you.
Just a quickie, but what if Damian was forced to go to a counselor after a particular nasty fight with another student ( Damian said it wasn't a fight just a disagreement because that kid would not stand back up if it was one... the kid was pushing his buttons for weeks)
to keep up NORMAL kid appearance he goes. Only to assume his new counselor knows way more than she lets on, and is out to kill him.
But his family won't believe him!
This can go one or two ways.
It can be wholesome or an actual threat... or both : D
I first imagine it be Spectra but now thinking about it.. it be funny if it was Jazz XD
Or alternatively.. it was suppose to be Jazz but Spectra took her spot.
Reason bats aren't too paranoid for once. The background check is solid. Only strange thing is that they came from a seemingly happy little town to Gotham.
Jazz would be funny and all but, idk man, I just love the angst potential of it being spectra.
Like, she feeds on negative emotion and purposely makes students miserable. She ACTIVELY tries to make her favorites try and kill themselves.
The idea of Damian feeling really bad and knowing something’s wrong and trying to communicate that to his family only for them to just, not believe him. I mean, especially for Damian of all people that had got to be heartbreaking.
I don’t even care if more dp characters show up. I just need this.
It would get worse as soon as Damian realized that no one in his Family believed him.
Like Spectra would be right because his family didn't even check.
He would slowly just stop leaving his room at all except when they forced him to go to school or therapy, which is what's killing him in the first place.
Danny would be able to help if he was at the same school when this is happening but who's to say he is?
Watch Damian go back to his mother because of this.
Jon would check. When Damian eventually breaks down and tells his friend? HE would do something. Even if no one else would.
Even if the only thing he CAN do? Is take Damian and fly him to the farm. The Kent's would listen. Might not fully understand, but they'd listen. Hear "I don't feel safe" and figure that was enough.
They know that look in their grandson's eyes. They are PROUD of that look.
It says "I'm going to do the Right Thing no matter WHO tells me not too."
And? Damian has never BEEN so quiet. So passive. Won't even fight his own battles. Just hides with the cows while Jon faces down the Bats AND his parents. While the Kent's tell them to leave. That they are disappointed in them. For letting things get this bad.
Damian is with the cows when a glowing boy stumbles into the barn and collapses. Trying to escape a storm. His bandaging is abysmal. If offends Damian on a personal level. Obviously Damian will have to fix it. Which, of course, has NOTHING to do with how dirty the bandages are.
He's definitely not pitying you. And this is clearly NOT charity. Both things he KNOWS, at barely a glance, you would never accept. No, Damian just thinks your bandage skills SUCK. He is compelled to show you how a MASTER bandages someone. Be honored.
Danny thinks the dude is hilarious. Sad though. Something happen? You don't have to tell him, obviously... but like? You brought him a sandwich. Least he could do was listen while waiting out the storm.
Danny then CHOKES on his sandwich.
Spectra is WHERE!?!? The CAPATIAL of misery?! THE cursed city? Oh god. Oh god people are gonna die. Like, MASS GRAVES amounts. Where was she? Who was she talking too!?
And?? It turn out? Damian? Being not JUST a bundle of issues but also one of Gotham Themself's Knights? Was legit acting as a lightning rod. Spectra was so focused on HIM she neglected to hunt anyone else while he was there.
Nothing to see, nothing to find.
Unless you were observing Damian himself.
But with him GONE? It's suddenly an epidemic. Out of "nowhere". Starting at his school, children are not just depressed, they are suicidally depressed and acting on it. Most have been caught before its too late. But in less well funded schools?
That's where the word "Most" came from.
The Bats are running themselves into the ground trying to find the new Rouge. None of them even REMEMBER that Damian already TOLD them.
Who does he call? All he has is Jon. He... he KNOWS he's not well liked. Made many mistakes that still haunt his reputation amongst the caped community. Who would even LISTEN... too... him...
Damian looks at the glowing boy in front of him. The one who KNEW who this Rouge WAS. And... with less difficulty then he had even a few months back... asks for help. Will you help him save his city?
I was thinking something similar, but after the whole Year from Hell with Bruce in the time stream, he would tell Damian He believes him, that he'll look into it. But he and Damian aren't close. They aren't at odds anymore, but not to the point Damian can believe Drake means it from how deep Spectra's claws are in him already, and just as Tim was gathering the last piece he needed Jon spirited Damian out and to the Kent Farm.
With the Lightening Rod effect disappearing suddenly, Spectra is able to see the rest of the school. As if she'd had blinders on and just forgot anyone else existed. But now her influence is spreading through the students, and it's just in time for her to realize a certain bird has been digging into her business.
Tim is such a good target too. Already holding such a low value to his own life compared to others. Paranoid, slightly depressed, overworked, and slightly anxious already? With such a strong conviction to live, it's almost jarring to her when she sees it up against how low self-worth.
Tearing apart the brat and his ego, picking at his insecurities had been a feast, but ohhhh, how good would it be to break this one? How much Power would she unlock if she could drag this one into the spiraling hopelessness. To twist him from thinking his life has value in service to others even if that kills him, into thinking and believing nothing he's done had any value at all.
Spectra has to take a more subtle approach here because Tim doesn't attend school. He's a Cape and a Co-CEO after all, but that doesn't matter, the biggest obstacle with Tim is his mind so opposing him wouldn't work, but Spectra is a Spirit. Becoming just another voice in his ear? Pushing just a little power into feeding the natural self depreciating thoughts? Erasing messages before he can see them, or silencing a call long enough he doesn't notice the sting of her claws digging into him. Until Tim doesn't notice when the voice is no longer his own but a hissing venomous thing over his shoulder and not in his head.
It's even easier to have his dossier go missing and recreate the "Bruce isn't dead" scenario, to make it look like he's trying to condescend or hurt Damian by 'Feeding This Negativity'
This whole family is so ripe with misery that the only reason she hasn't tried to sink her claws into all of them is because the rest grow alert with two birds calling out 'Danger'
So by the time Damian and Jon return to Gotham with the solution in tow, it's a race to save not just the city but the older brother he thought Invincible. The only one of his fathers brood he felt truly threatened by.
Drake, who was Father's favorite. The one with more contingency backups than even Batman. The one who could turn the tide of battle before his next breath. Sure, they all were brilliant strategists and altering a plan in the heat of battle was a critical skill, but Drake always seemed to flow into a new course of action as though it were the plan the whole time. Drake was the one who could tear apart a person at a gala with a smile and words deceptively polite enough to hide the venomous fangs behind them. Commanding a room with an ease Ra's Al Ghul would envy.
The one who still had a kind word for him and an outstretched hand despite being bitten before. Who encouraged his art like the others, offering advice on technical skills and giving him photographs for references that should be impossible.
Drake, Timothy, the man he'd learned to accept as both an ally and, to himself alone, a brother.
He was taken from Gotham convinced his Family thought him attention seeking and Drake patronizing him with false words and Pity.
Seeing Timothy, isolating himself away like a dying cat, is terrifying. Even more terrifying is the creature coiled around him, a vicious Cheshire grin with far too many razor teeth. Caressing his face with claws sharper than knives and leaving bleeding welts in their wake.
Damian is still healing from the damage done to him before, and maybe he's wary of this creature. But that isn't going to stop him from stepping up; using the weapons of his newest acquaintance provided, and teach this Harlot what happens when you threaten his family!!!!
what the fuck was wrong with people that Labyrinth was originally a flop. How could they take any aspect of it so for granted. How could they fucking do that to Jim Henson. Newspapers were calling it boring and even ugly. I want to go back in time and beat their asses.
One of the problems with Labyrinth, despite Bowie, despite the puppetry, despite how well it’s acted or how good it looks, is that the main character does not have a character arc. There is no growth or change in her throughout the entire movie.
Sarah starts off disliking her brother, and feeling like she’s being put upon because of him. She goes to rescue him not because she cares so much about him, but to avoid trouble for herself. At the end she rescues him, but there is no joy for her. She doesn’t appreciate or love him any more than she did at the start. She maybe tolerates him a bit more, but she’s in no way grateful he’s still around.
I watched it both as a kid of about 10 when in came out, and also as an adult a few years back. As a child I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t like Sarah that much, until I rewatched it as an adult and realized she just has no character growth to her.
1) In the start of the film, Sarah is very possessive over her toys, specifically the stuffed bear, Lancelot. She becomes furious to see that the bear was taken from her collection, declaring “I hate it! I hate you!” when she finds the bear in Toby’s room. She cares more about her things than her little brother.
While in the Labyrinth, Sarah is repeatedly tempted to abandon her quest. When she is dropped in a garbage dump after eating a poisoned peach, the trash goblin there gives Sarah a re-creation of her beloved stuffed bear, Lancelot, and the option to stay inside a perfect copy of her bedroom. She can have all her beautiful things forever, as long as she gives up Toby. Sarah, forgetful from the peach, is swayed at first, but soon realizes it’s a trick, shouting “it’s all junk! I have to save Toby!”
At the end of the film, she tucks Lancelot in next to the sleeping Toby, reinforcing that she has realized her brother is more important than her things.
2) When first entering the Labyrinth, Sarah has many presumptions about how things were supposed to work; fairies are sweet and kind and grant wishes, walls don’t move, door are obvious, and there’s no need to ask questions.
However, as the adventure goes on, Sarah chooses to approach things with an open mind. When she hears Ludo roaring, she says “things aren’t what they seem” and takes the risk to approach what sounds like a terrible monster. In the end, she gets a dear friend.
(This can be argued as tying back to her behavior with her father, stepmother, and little brother, all of whom she assumed the worst of.)
3) Relating to the above, Sarah spends much of the early film declaring “that’s not fair!” to life’s inconveniences, Jareth’s challenges, and the Labyrinth’s weirdness.
When she takes Hoggle’s jewels in retaliation for tricking her, he yells “thems my rightful property! It’s not fair!” She says “no, it isn’t” and you can see understanding hit her as she continues “but that’s the way it is”. The world isn’t always going to conform to her needs and expectations, and she’s been making things harder on herself by refusing to accept that.
4) When we’re first introduced to Sarah’s room we’re given a long, slow pan of her many fantasy-themed belongings. This shot serves two purposes.
The first is to hint at the fantastical things coming; many of the creature and events in the Labyrinth are reflected in Sarah’s books, toys, and pictures.
The second is to establish how Sarah retreats into fantasy to avoid her problems; a point emphasized when the camera swings to Sarah and we see her doing her makeup while quoting from a fairytale, despite having just had an argument with her stepmother.
In the ending scenes of the film, Sarah is putting away her books and makeup and toys. She’s experienced an actual fantasy world and found it not a haven, but even more perilous than the real world. She’s become disillusioned. After a bit, though, the images of the friends she made in that world come to her and remind her that they’re still there, if she needs them. She’s matured and learned to face her problems better, but she doesn’t have to give up all her fantasies in the process.
also what part of “I want my brother back! He must be so scared-” delivered in a broken, shaky voice said Only In This To Avoid Trouble to that second commenter?
It's not every day Clark got to head back home for the summer, but his Ma and Pa were not getting any younger, and Perry seemed way too understanding when he put in his PTO. Clark wasn't one to look at the gift horse in the mouth either way.
"CLARK!" His Ma called from the kitchen, an early riser through and through, the scent of freshly cooked breakfast and bacon grease waking him up from his sleep. "It's time to get up!"
Contrary to popular belief (Bruce), Clark wasn't a morning person. He did wake up with the sun, just like his Ma and Pa, but he much preferred lounging in his bed, basking in the morning light until the rays got too hot to bear. He didn't get to do that very often back in the big city, so he grumbled at being disturbed in his sleep. He ultimately gave into the siren call of Ma's warm breakfast, and lumbered down the stairs in his sleep clothes like an unruly toddler dragging his feet. Lois would throw her back out laughing if she saw him like this.
"Oh you poor thing, have you been resting properly? You look drained!" Ma commented as he shuffled into his seat at the dining table. A hum left Clark's still half asleep figure as the front door opened and Pa walked in with the Saturday morning paper and dew staining his overalls. Ma yelled across the room to not track dirt into her clean home, and Pa's rumbling laughter woke him up just a little bit more. Right on time as well, as a steaming plate of fluffy pancakes, eggs and bacon was placed in front of him. The headlines on the first page of the paper had something about a three headed sheep being born on a farm across town, the same one that had just lost its patriarch to a mysterious illness, and Clark gave that a curious thought before greeting his Pa.
"Well look who finally woke up," a huff left Pa as he sat down across from Clark, "How's Metropolis treating you?"
They talked between bites of their food, Ma joining them with her own plate. His phone pinged occasionally with messages from his group chats. Lois sent him an update on a lead she was following, something about a multiple missing persons case in a few remote towns. Strange sightings have been happening in the areas for a while, animals with misshapen limbs and birds with no feathers, and Lois believed there was some correlation to the two. Diana has sent a meme in their Trinity group chat with Bruce, tagging the elusive man under a picture of a black cat prowling in the dark with a tiny orange cat following behind. Clark reacted to the image with a heart, and returned to his breakfast.
"You mind looking at Bessy for me, Clark? She's been acting up again, and I can't find what's wrong with her."
"You gotta let her go Pa, she's too old of a tractor to be running smooth now." The red tractor had been with the Kents for as long as Pa had lived, and the man refused to buy a new one, even if Clark offered to pay for it. At Pa's (predictable) refusal, Clark sighed and agreed to look at old Bessy once more. If he couldn't figure it out either, he'd call up Bruce for a favour. The man would probably fit the rusty thing with a turbo engine for fun.
Once he finished his breakfast and freshened up enough, he headed to the barn where the tractor sat. The few cows the Kents had in their name were grazing beside the barn, and Clark stopped to affectionately rub one of the cow's heads before carrying on with his duty. By the time he had made any progress with the tractor the sun made his bed at the highest point in the sky.
Bruce had called him at some point, and the two had been chatting about what was happening in their lives for a short while. It was good company while Clark tried his best to fix his Pa's old tractor, and Bruce even had some pointers for him to use. This was something they had taken to doing more often, keeping in touch with the other, because it 'built camaraderie and trust', in Diana's very wise words. He'd probably call her in the evening as well, just to see how the latest additions to the museum's repertoire were doing with the public.
The sounds of the outdoors blanketed Clark's surroundings, the rustling of animals grazing in the fields, wind blowing through the leaves of the trees that dotted the flat midwestern terrain. Bruce’s mute baritone carried through the speakers of his phone, the man talking about a recent case that sounded just a bit too similar to what Lois was investigating. He mentioned as much to Bruce, and heard him pause before typing something in the background. Seeing the lead, Clark proceeded to explain what Lois' case was, and the more he talked about it, the stranger it all sounded. Maybe there was some magic involved? Should they bring in Zatanna?
Clark stayed on the call as he finished up with the tractor, listening to Bruce’s theories as he wiped the grease off his hands on a rag and walked out of the barn into the afternoon sun. The cows had largely migrated in search of more grass to graze on, standing closer to the water trough than they did before. Some of the cows seemed to look up as Clark left the barn, but went right back to grazing and ruminating on their meals.
Except for one, that is. The cow seemed to stare at Clark for a bit, abnormally fixated on the man who stared right back at it. He felt a strange sense of unease the longer he stood under the sun, scrutinized by a weird looking cow of all things. It's eyes looked way too focused to dismiss. He tried pulling on his memories to place a name on this weird cow, but he couldn't recall it even with his eidetic memory. Did Ma and Pa buy a new one without telling him? Was she a calf that grew up while Clark was away? But Ma would tell him if a cow on their farm had a calf, wouldn't she?
In his momentary confusion, he had forgotten he was still on a call with Bruce. His friend's voice came over the phone, repeating his name again and again to get his attention and Clark shook his head to clear his thoughts before answering back. What a strange cow....
The interaction stayed in his mind for the entire day, even after his best efforts to not think about it. His parents denied purchasing or adopting a new cow when he asked, and that left a sour taste in his mouth. What was that, then?
Ma and Pa were supposed to leave for a family event out of town, and Clark stayed back to take care of the house for the few days they wouldn't be home. He bid them farewell in the evening, still thinking about the cow, when he realised just what was bugging him about the animal.
The call connected and Bruce’s voice came out rough and a bit annoyed, like Clark was interrupting the man. Seeing as it was the usual time Batman left for patrol, he guessed he did interrupt him.
"What-"
"Cows don't have front facing eyes."
"Clark, what?-"
"Cows have monocular vision, they have eyes on the side of their face-"
Bruce cut him off before he could ramble further. He realised the man probably already knew what lateral vision was. "Get to the point Clark, what's happening?" He sounded worried, the skid of wheels on granite and clicking of keyboard keys told Clark Batman was already on the batcomputer.
"There's a cow on my farm with front facing eyes."
A pause. Suddenly, all the weirdly formed animals popping up in Lois' investigations and Bruce's case made sense. Suddenly, he realised those places usually had people going missing in their homes.
Bruce didn't speak, the silence spoke enough for him. Clark felt a surge of relief at knowing his parents weren't at home.
"What the heck is on my farm?"
A sucked in breath, a tense moment. Clark knew the man on the phone had reached similar conclusions.
"Call Zatanna. Get to the Watchtower. We need to see if this is a worldwide phenomenon we failed to notice."
The sirens were blaring. The situation was quickly escalating into an all-hands-on-deck emergency, and Batman was doing his best to give every superhero who came through the zeta-tube a position that would maximize their chances of surviving this.
Which wasn't easy when the threat was a complete unknown, one with apparently limitless power. Somehow, they hadn't suffered any catastrophic injuries so far, and the Flashes had managed to evacuate most civilians within the first twenty minutes.
However, considering the amount of power the being had displayed so far, and the complete lack of damage they had been able to inflict, it didn't feel as though their endurance up to this point was the result of their own efforts. Instead, it felt like the being was deliberately holding back.
Batman hated the sensation that it was merely toying with them before delivering a final, devastating blow, like a cat entertaining itself with prey before finally killing it.
He leapt out of the path of another stray attack. The fact that he was able to evade it at all, despite having witnessed other attacks move far faster, was just another piece of evidence supporting Batman's theory that the being was holding back.
They hadn't even been able to communicate with it. They had no motive, no known objective, no understanding of what it wanted, not even a clear description of what it looked like, since they only caught a shadow of an anthropomorphic figure between the onslaught of attacks.
The relentless battle had now dragged on for nearly two hours.
“We need something else to try! Nothing we do is affecting him!” Batman heard Wonder Woman shout through the comms.
“Do we have any news from the Dark members? I may not know what this being is, but it clearly has magical properties,” Shazam exclaimed as he launched yet another attack at the being, only for the man to be thrown back. Starfire was quick to soften his landing.
The closest zeta-tube, positioned a thousand miles north, sent another activation notification to Batman's wrist computer, and he was already thinking about where the weakest points in their formation were before he even knew who the new arrival was.
He couldn’t stop the resigned sigh that escaped his lips when the zeta-tube announced B-25. It was Phantom. So far, other than Shazam, there hadn't been any other young heroes arriving, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he started seeing more of them soon. Phantom was most likely just the start.
Phantom, despite claiming to have lived for almost half a millenia, had also accepted that by his own species' standards he was quite young, and Bruce had estimated that mentally the boy wasn't older than sixteen in human developmental years.
Usually, Bruce tried to keep the younger heroes out of world-ending threats, but he had to make an exception when no alternative was working. Phantom had powerful abilities, and while Batman had no reason to believe his powers would have any more impact than those of the other heavy hitters so far, he also had no reason to stop the boy from acting.
He really wished they could have wrapped up this battle before he had to start positioning young teens on the front lines.
“Hey Bats, heard things are looking pretty bad here. Where do you need me?” Phantom’s voice came through his comm. They had never been able to completely get rid of the staticky effect the ghost inflicted on the device, but it was still worlds better than the first time the ghost used them.
“We haven’t been able to inflict any damage so far, but we’re trying different attacks. Most of our electricity-based heroes are working southwest, so position yourself northeast for the time being to avoid interfering with each other. Try some attacks, and we’ll adjust from there.” Batman tried to keep certain powers working in the same area for cases like these, where incompatibilities between allies could become an issue.
“So we really are at the 'throwing everything we have and hoping something works' phase, huh?” Phantom commented just as he appeared in Batman's right field of view, allowing him to see the exact moment the ghost froze in place.
He frowned. “Phantom, have you found an incompatibility with the being? If so, I request that you retire.” Batman spoke sharply.
Sure, they needed more heavy hitters, but it wouldn't really help if one of them had some fundamental weakness against the being. Superman was barely being any help with his weakness to magic, but other heroes trusted Superman’s experience enough to rely on the man in the field even when weakened.
It would not be the same with a young hero.
Heroes would get distracted trying to protect the kid. Young heroes might hate it and see it as demeaning, but in the end, adults couldn't ignore it when children appeared to be in danger, and Batman had to account for that bias when strategizing against threats.
“N-no, um, I know that guy.” Phantom stammered, but Batman didn't hear any fear in his voice. It sounded more like he had been caught off guard. He also noted that the being was a he. Not that knowing his gender really made any difference here, but after two hours of nothing, it was refreshing to have any information about him at all. “Hey, Batman? Could you get everyone to back away? I think I can get him to stop… at least for a moment.”
Batman turned his attention back to the battlefield. Nothing had changed since this whole thing started. Their attacks were serving more to deflect the being's assaults than to actually hurt him. To a certain extent, stopping wouldn't really change anything, but it could still place them all at a disadvantage if the being decided to stop holding back the moment they gave him space.
“Are you sure you can do that? It could put everyone in danger if you are unable to.”
“Yeah… as long as he doesn’t decide to be an asshole about it.” Phantom murmured the last phrase.
It didn’t give Batman much confidence. The being had been attacking for a long time, and sure, he was holding back, but any of Bruce’s sons would agree that this behavior firmly placed him in the asshole category. Then again, no one else even knew what he was, and nothing they had tried so far had worked. Whatever Phantom had planned here might be their only chance.
He sighed. “Okay, but you have to be quick. If the being doesn’t stop within ten minutes after we cease our attacks, we’re returning to the current positions. Understood?”
“As clear as day.” Phantom chirped.
“I need everyone to step back for ten minutes. We’re trying something else,” Batman announced through the comms.
The heroes reunited around the being hadn't even finished complying when Phantom darted closer and screamed, “Half-time! Half-time! I demand a review!” And to everyone's utter confusion, the being stopped.
“Phantom? What are you doing here?” a deep, raspy voice asked. Batman couldn't believe the being was capable of talking. They had tried to communicate with him multiple times.
Without the constant barrage of attacks, he slowly began to make out the man's actual appearance. His eyes were red, his frame was massive, and he shared a certain resemblance to Phantom that Batman did not like noticing.
“What else would I be doing here? This is my home, dipshit.” Phantom snarled exasperatedly, planting his hands on his hips. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, save us the unnecessary questions. You know I only go where the clock sends me,” the being snarled back.
“Right, because you never enjoy doing this. This place is mine, Poltergeist,” Phantom growled.
“Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time.” The newly named Poltergeist scoffed. “Let's see.”
He reached into his own arm and pulled out a notebook, flipping through the pages. Batman could only add this action, the name, the resemblance to Phantom, and the fact that the teen knew him to his growing list of evidence that this man was a ghost.
He knew from Phantom that ghosts were powerful, but he hadn't thought they could be this powerful. He would need to prioritize contingencies against ghosts once this was dealt with. At least whatever conversation Phantom and this Poltergeist were having seemed to be going well.
That is, there hadn't been any new attacks, and he hoped it stayed that way. He could see some of his allies taking advantage of the possibly temporary ceasefire to collect themselves and get injured teammates treated as best as possible without fully immobilizing them, in case things went south and they had to resume the fight.
Poltergeist finally found the page he had been looking for. “So, is this not AU18DC86DP08062026?” he asked, reading aloud.
Phantom looked clearly displeased by the alphanumeric string that apparently described “here.” Batman still didn't know what level of magnitude “here” referred to. These exact coordinates? This city? This planet? This solar system? It could mean anything. He was going to have so many questions for Phantom later.
“Yes. Yes, it is.” Phantom growled, now clearly annoyed. “Let me see that.” He swooped forward and snatched the notebook away.
“Hey! Careful, you jerk. Whisp made that for me!” Poltergeist protested.
“I'm not going to break it...” Phantom whipped his head around to stare at Poltergeist and exclaimed, all traces of anger vanishing and pure awe filling his voice, “Wait, she made it for you?”
“Yes. I told you we've gotten closer.” Poltergeist crossed his arms and looked positively smug.
“I'm glad,” Phantom said softly, a warmth entering his eyes that Batman had only seen when the ghost looked at people he had adopted as family.
Batman had... so many questions, and he could see many of the heroes observing the scene dumbfounded. Martian Manhunter, one of the first adults the teen had dubbed “his,” looked the most baffled, and Batman wondered if there was another psychic layer to this conversation that he was missing.
Anyhow, the strange domesticity the conversation had taken on had allowed the heroes to relax even further. Batman was starting to consider organizing an evacuation for those with the worst injuries.
Poltergeist cleared his throat, now looking away as though embarrassed. “Were you not about to check the code?”
“Ah, right.” Phantom looked back down at the notebook and pursed his lips. “I don't get where you get your terrible handwriting from. Both me and Vlad have decent enough handwriting.”
“Oh, spare me the lecture.” Poltergeist waved a hand dismissively.
“I'll spare it when it isn't affecting me! Can you really confidently tell me any of these are actually sixes, fives, or eights? They all look almost the same!” Phantom complained, waving the notebook accusingly.
“Of course I... well, I think so?” Poltergeist admitted with a grimace.
“Ancients. You need to find a more reliable way to do this.”
“Alright, alright, I get it. My numbers suck. Blame the clock. You know how many codes he has me writing in one sitting?” Poltergeist threw his hands up.
“Ugh, the bastard has all the time in the world and yet...” Phantom muttered.
“Right!? Like, use your time-outs for this supposedly incredibly important information!” Poltergeist huffed.
Phantom sighed. “So...”
“Yes, yes, I'll honor your review request and go confirm this with Clockwork.” Poltergeist rolled his eyes, though his tone lacked any real irritation. “I'll let you know how it goes.”
Phantom huffed and held out the notebook. “Here. And seriously, work on your numbers.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Poltergeist took the notebook back carefully, tucking it away into his arm again. “I'll think about it.”
“Hope it goes well,” Phantom said. Then, after a moment of silence, he added almost timidly, “Hey, and if it turns out null, could you stay and visit for a few days? Feels like it's been decades.”
Poltergeist looked at Phantom for a long moment, his expression softening. “Sure, lil me.” And then the man was engulfed in shadows and disappeared.
Phantom pouted as he floated back toward Batman. “I've told him not to call me that,” he mumbled under his breath.
“Phantom. If you don’t mind, I would like some explanations. Starting with who that man was, how you know him, and why he was attacking.” Batman demanded.
“Ugh, straight back to business as always.” Phantom groaned, rubbing the back of his neck. “Shouldn’t we be looking after the injured or something?”
“I trust the rest of the team is able to do that now that there isn’t an imminent threat in the field,” Batman replied.
“... Right.” Phantom shifted nervously in the air. “Um, so that was Poltergeist.”
“I gathered.”
“And he’s my older brother.”
Fantastic. Phantom has an older brother with unlimited power. Batman massaged his temple. At least this confirmed that Poltergeist was a ghost.
“And why was your brother attacking us?”
“Right, so, that’s a pretty long explanation. A lot of context is needed...” Phantom said, hovering nervously in the air. “Can’t we, like, go back to the Watchtower and talk there?”
Batman raised an eyebrow and looked around. There weren’t any civilians left, and the only people able to hear them would be other Justice League allies, but Batman could understand not wanting to discuss personal matters in front of every hero present. Even if said personal matters had caused an all-hands-on-deck level threat. He sighed.
“All right.” He pressed his comm. “Nightwing, I’m going back to the Watchtower to discuss what has happened with Phantom. Could you...”
“Don’t worry, B, we have everything covered here,” Nightwing's voice came, sounding a little strained from the other side.
Batman pursed his lips. He hadn’t received any notice of his eldest getting hurt. He glanced around the battlefield. Nightwing was too far away for him to see clearly from his position, but hopefully his son was occupied with something and wasn’t actually hiding a major injury. He sighed. He would have to trust his son's judgment. Turning back toward Phantom, he nodded.
“All right, let’s get to the Watchtower.”
—
Phantom hovered around the room, searching for the right words, while Batman checked the logs that had been entered into the system during the attack. He was trying to be patient here. Phantom was a nervous young boy, and he didn’t want the teen to shut down.
“Alright,” Phantom finally began, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know how I mentioned once that I was a protective spirit?”
“Mm,” Batman acknowledged, not looking up from the screen.
“Right, so, my brother is also a protector but… in a different way.”
“Which means?” Batman asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Um, he gets rid of the universes that are a threat to the Infinite Realms? You know, the place that I told you is connected to all existing universes?” Phantom explained in a meek voice.
“He destroys universes,” Batman concluded, barely keeping the panic out of his voice. They had had a universe destroyer attacking them.
“Well, yes. But to protect all the other universes!” Phantom exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “You know, like when you cut off a leaf that shows signs of fungus so the rest of the plant won't die as well?”
“So he’s decided our universe is a threat.” Batman growled lowly, narrowing his eyes at Phantom.
“He hasn’t.” Phantom immediately raised his arms in a calming motion. “Um, the Ancient of Time told him, but Da... uh, Poltergeist may be mistaken. Like, the code was not clear at all. He could definitely be in the wrong universe!” Phantom hurried to explain.
“Universes that have become a threat to the Infinite Realms rarely have sentient life. More often than not, they're a threat because of the way they sink ectoplasm, like a black hole pulls in light. The few that have had sentient life in them had that sentient life actively working to damage the Infinite Realms, and to my knowledge, that is not what is happening here!” Phantom rushed through his explanation in an effort to appease Batman.
“To your knowledge. There's still a chance.” Batman crossed his arms, thinking through what Phantom had said. From what Phantom had explained in the past, Ancient meant the personification of something, so the personification of time itself was sending Poltergeist to destroy universes.
His jaw tensed. From what they had seen so far, if the ghost wasn’t mistaken, they would be in great trouble. “If he was here believing he was getting rid of a threatening universe, why was he... holding back against us?”
“Believe it or not, this is not the first time my brother has gone to the wrong universe.” Phantom rolled his eyes in fond annoyance.
“So he usually fools around a little to see if Clockwork, or someone else, will intervene. Besides, there isn’t always a need for the universe to be completely destroyed. Sometimes it's enough to cause a scene for the universe to be redirected onto the right path.
Not that Clockwork would specify which universes are which,” Phantom scoffed, “so Poltergeist just takes things slowly until there's no chance the sentence wasn't destruction.”
“What would a scene entail?” Batman asked, leaning forward slightly. “Would what he has done so far count as a scene?”
“Uh...” Phantom winced. “I’m not sure.”
Batman sighed, pulling up the battle logs once more. This conversation was doing nothing to calm his nerves. He had been grateful when Phantom was able to easily stop Poltergeist's attack, but everything he heard only made his worries grow.
They had no real way to defend themselves if the Ancient of Time confirmed that this universe had been sentenced to destruction. He understood the cosmic logic behind Poltergeist's work, but that didn’t mean he was willing to let his dimension be destroyed for the greater good.
His children lived here, his friends lived here, and there were billions of lives he had worked day and night to protect. He wouldn’t let it all end just because a higher being had decided they were too much of a threat to continue existing.
The “scene” option wasn’t a good alternative either, not when they didn’t even have a definition for what a “scene” was. What would they do if, for it to be effective, Poltergeist had to destroy the Earth? He needed to discuss this with the JLD and see if there was any chance they had a way to combat this.
He should have found a more reliable way to counter ghosts when Phantom first arrived. Sure, every attempt had ended in failure, but he had let himself get distracted by other matters too easily.
Batman slowly raised his eyes to Phantom again. The ghost was hovering nervously from side to side, biting his lip as though he were trying to find words that would reassure Batman. Batman doubted those words existed.
“Phantom. What is your plan if Poltergeist returns with the objective of destroying this universe?” he finally voiced the question he had been dreading.
Phantom was a close friend of Tim's. The boy had stayed over at the Manor more times than Bruce could count, he got along with all of the other teen heroes, and more than a few heroes had an unspoken agreement of shared custody over the kid.
Bruce was excluded only because of his children's efforts to keep Phantom firmly in the family friend category, but Bruce had always found the boy somewhat nephew-like. If Phantom sided with Poltergeist, if they had to fight against Phantom in their attempt to save their home dimension... Bruce didn’t know if they would be able to emotionally survive that.
Phantom furrowed his brows. “Batman, I’m a protector spirit. You heard what I told Poltergeist, didn’t you? This place is mine. I don’t care what Clockwork says about this universe, it is mine. Poltergeist will have to trap me in my core before he can put a real dent in it.” Phantom’s eyes grew brighter as he spoke, his voice taking on more of the ghostly reverberance they heard whenever the ghost got angry.
Batman kept his eyes on the ghost, relieved to hear they would not have to fight against him, but feeling bad for the position the kid would be put in if the worst outcome did come to pass. Phantom's warm look toward his brother when they had spoken about this Whisp person getting along with him came to mind.
“Would you really be able to fight against your brother?” he asked quietly.
Phantom let out a humorless chuckle. “And win too. I have done it multiple times.” The ghost finally took a seat, or rather a table, as he perched beside Batman’s monitor, pulling his legs up to his chest and looking down.
“The truth is, Batman, a universe under my protection would never be able to be destroyed. Even if I lose and am forced into my core, Poltergeist would be too injured or exhausted to finish the job. It doesn’t mean it would go unscathed from Poltergeist's attacks but... it’ll be fine.”
“Then if Poltergeist is asked to destroy this universe, this Ancient of Time is actually just asking for a 'scene'?” Batman asked, not liking the implications that Phantom had had to fight with his brother multiple times because of this Ancient's orders, but deciding not to touch that issue at the moment.
Phantom shook his head. “If Clockwork is sending Poltergeist here, it most likely means he wants us both to be out of commission for some time, out of the way of some other great event that will be happening soon and that we, as balance missionaries, won’t like, but that Time considers necessary.”
“Balance missionaries?” Batman repeated, his brows furrowing at the unfamiliar title.
It occurred to him that they were lacking a great deal of knowledge about the Infinite Realms. Phantom had adapted exceptionally well to human society. Everything from his "Danny's" disguise to his mannerisms fit in remarkably well, and the teen also spoke casually about ghosts and the Infinite Realms.
Batman had assumed, in the comfort of easy answers and because of the teen's protective personality, that aside from the paranormal factor, they shared similar social structures.
Or perhaps it had been his dislike for the paranormal that had allowed him to remain comfortable with how little he knew. After all, the JLD was there to handle that side of things. That assumption sat poorly with him now. He had accepted too many unknowns simply because they had been convenient, and the realization left an unpleasant weight in his chest.
Phantom groaned and flopped backward dramatically onto the table. “That one is actually too long, and I refuse to explain it. Long story short, it’s a title me, Poltergeist, and our little sister Whisp got around our hundredth death year. It just so happens that Balance and Time don’t always agree.”
Bruce frowned. “If you’re aware this is only a way for him to get you both out of the way, why don’t you refuse from the start?”
Phantom grimaced. “It isn’t that simple...” He sat back up from where he had flopped onto the table and rubbed his arms uneasily. “I’m sure Constantine has told you before that paranormal beings tend not to have all the same liberties as mortals do. Poltergeists have a need to destroy what has been classified as a danger, and I have to protect what’s mine to protect. We can't not do it.
Besides, it doesn’t always work in Clocky's favor even when we go along with it.” Phantom sighed and hugged his knees tighter. “Look, even if Poltergeist does return with a destruction sentence, I’ll ask him to take it to an uninhabited place. That much we can afford to do. So it’ll be fine.”
Batman frowns. “I don’t think anyone would like for you to go fight far away on your own in a battle that, from what you’ve told me, will leave you terribly injured.”
Phantom made a wet laugh. “Then let’s hope Poltergeist returns for a brother's hang out instead, because I can’t stay here if we do have to fight” Phantom hides his face in his knees. “Fuck, I really liked my existance here, I don’t want to leave yet.”
Bruce's brow knit with concern, somewhat confused by Phantom's assumption that he would have to leave after the attack. Did the ghost believe he would be blamed for the possible destruction of their surroundings?
“You don’t have to leave, Phantom. Regardless of how things develop, no one would blame you or want you gone. This is not a decision you are taking.”
Phantom shook his head, his voice muffled by his knees. “I can’t stay in a universe where we’ve fought.” He raised his head slightly, his wet eyes peeking up from where they had been hidden behind his knees.
“Beings like us emit a lot of energy. After a fight like that? There’s no way this universe will have the structural strength to put up with me.”
“Are you certain there’s no other option?”
Phantom nodded. “Not one we’ve found in the last five hundred years.”
Batman placed a hand on Phantom's shoulder, gently rubbing his thumb in circles against it. “You haven’t searched in this universe yet. Let’s not give up until we have at the very least tried.”
Phantom’s resulting laugh was so resigned that it was heartbreaking to hear. “I’m sorry, Batsy, but I’d rather spend my possible last moments in this universe doing something other than falling into a research spiral.”
He sniffed, a hand coming up to rub at his eye, and after looking away, he started speaking again, his words almost a mumble. “I know there’s a huge cleanup going on, but do you think J'onn will be free soon? I want to stay with him for a while.”
Batman thinned his lips for a moment. It wasn’t surprising that Phantom would resign himself if he had gone through this multiple times before, but he still hated seeing such hopelessness in young eyes. He hated magic and the supernatural.
He knew some of the hero community saw him as a man who looked for children to turn into heroes, but giving those kids capes and training had always been the result of trying to keep extremely capable children with a hunger for violence and justice alive.
He would be delighted if any of his children decided to quit one morning, though at this point he was convinced it was more likely for Alfred the cat to learn to fly than for any of them to do so. But magic never seemed to give anyone an option. Not Billy with the wisdom of Solomon, and not Phantom now.
“We have more than enough people helping down there.” Batman gave the teen's shoulder a final squeeze before withdrawing his hand. “I can call him up if you want.”
Phantom only nodded, not looking at Batman again.
“Before that,” Batman continued, “do you perhaps know how long it’ll take for Poltergeist to get his answer?”
Phantom shrugged and pushed himself off the table. “You never know with Clockwork. It could be an hour, it could be a couple months.” He floated toward the door before pausing. “Could you tell J’onn I’ll be in my Watchtower bedroom?”
“Of course.” Batman hesitated for a moment. “And Phantom, if we have a question...”
“Sure, I’ll answer what I can.” Phantom offered him a small, tired smile. “Still don’t think you’ll find anything, but well, you are one of Hope's favorites after all.” With that, Phantom left the room.
Batman blinked. One of Hope's favorites? He looked at his own reflection on the monitor's screen. Something like that didn’t fit him. He shook his head, pushing the strange comment out of his mind. He needed to get the JLD to the Watchtower yesterday.
Even if Phantom didn’t have to leave the universe if a battle did happen, sending the teen to fight against Poltergeist was not a plan. They couldn’t rely on a single teenager to save them all. They needed options, and for that, he needed information.
The Justice League was too late. The cult had successfully completed their summoning ritual, and a figure began to emerge from the crackling green rift in the air
A teenage boy in a black jumpsuit, holding a clipboard and a pen.
The figure barely seemed to pay attention and just launched into a rehearsed speech, tone bored. “Thank you for summoning the Ghost King. Due the influx of summonings, he is unavailable at the moment. I’m Phantom, and I’ll be serving as your intercessor for the time being. I am authorized to act on His Majesty’s behalf, but any larger scale actions may have a short wait time before they can go through—just a few decades at most.” His voice then picked up, tone casual. “So… whatcha looking for?”
Then he did a double take, the chaotic scene he’s appeared in finally seeming to register in his mind.
“…Err, which ones of y’all specifically performed the summoning? I need it for the file.”
Reformed Pariah Dark, with adopted Danny. Look, you try doing the paperwork to rule an infinite set of realms. Let's see how long before you go mad from having to mediate territory disputes and annexation paperwork. Phantom refused the crown that he earned, and instead fixated on a bit of star-dusted paperwork (look, it had an accurate diagram of the Cassiopia constellation and all the astral bodies within. What did you expect?)
In exchange for regulations on how many ghosts can come through the portal to cause problems, and a better system for keeping track of who just wants to visit the living rralm for non-problem-causing reasons, Danny is doing a decent chunk of paperwork, including aiding with sorting summons. Bonus, he gets all the space stationary his heart and core could ever desire!
So... Pariah Dark got an assistant to help with paperwork, access to amateur therapy, and someone to thin out the stress-inducing unpredictable summonings, for the low, low price of getting his ass beat by a baby ghost who then DID NOT want the crown.
ohhhh shit. target is recalling their up & up baby wipes (fragrance free & fresh cucumber scented) because they're contaminated with Burkholderia cepacia complex and Burkholderia gladioli, multiple people are reporting discoloration & infections. i just got a call about it cuz i had purchased those but i've already gone through them 😅 so no refund for me. but im fine. if you have these they're saying you need to immediately stop using them and bring them back to target for a full refund. this bacteria can cause life threatening infections in children/infants and people with compromises immune systems (ESPECIALLY cystic fibrosis!!) and i know lots of other chronically ill people follow me!!!!
1. The court holds Google responsible for statements made by its AI, considering them Google's statements (search engines have limited liability for results in their engine as they're the words of other sites/companies/people), meaning when their AI lies/hallucinates they're liable for the defamation/harm resulting from those statements.
2. Google's defense that customers are generally aware of the lack of reliability and are responsible for fact checking was dismissed. As the court pointed out, that would "significantly diminish" AI Search's stated purpose and it can't be distinguished from Google's business practices/statements as a search tool.
3. Studies have found about 91% of Google's everyday AI responses are accurate, leaving millions of searches per HOUR with potential liability for falsehoods. 56% of correct responses weren't supported by the sources the AI listed. Both of which mean Google is now liable for a LOT more AI "errors."
4. Google was held liable for 80% of court costs in this case and this precedent is expected to reverberate around the world. This is a massive shift from the 3rd-party search provider role Google has previously played and it comes right as they've tied ALL searches to their AI search.
So, I sent this to my partner (works in tech, uses AI heavily for work, has seen a large number of coworkers let go for not using AI heavily enough), who was very pleased to see Google stepping in it like this.
maybe this is not my place to say because I am monolingual, and I'm sure it's part of a larger, more nuanced discussion about visibility and accessibility on the internet, but I think it'd be cool if people posted in their native languages more instead of in english. I see people do it way more on other platforms than on tumblr which is almost exclusively in english
El problema es, como bien has dicho, la accesibilidad y la visibilidad.
Tumblr en concreto es muy anglocentrista y un gran número de los usuarios no habla más que inglés. Si quieres que tus cosas lleguen a gente con gustos u opiniones similares, escribirlo en inglés asegura que la gente por lo menos lo pueda leer. Suma a esto el hecho de que bastantes series y tal son originalmente de habla inglesa (y a veces ni se traducen a tu lengua madre), lo que crea un fandom principalmente angloparlante.
Más allá de eso, también hay que tener en cuenta las diferencias culturales que surgen entre fandoms de distintos idiomas. Por ejemplo, durante mucho tiempo el fandom de Vocaloid angloparlante y el hispanohablante han chocado con respecto a temas como la piratería. En ocasiones es complicado manejar estas expectativas, y si sabes varios idiomas, peor incluso.
A mí me gustaría subir cositas en español y encontrar a gente que comparta mis gustos, pero en Tumblr en concreto es casi imposible. Tumblr ya es de por sí mucho más «nicho» en espacios hispanohablantes que otras RRSS como TikTok o Instagram, y si tus intereses no son muy populares, despídete.
La lingüística de los espacios de fans también está hipercentrada en el inglés. No es una pareja, es un ship; no es un universo alternativo, es un AU; no es destripar, es hacer spoiler, etc. Incluso las siglas: en español es LGTB, pero lo que sueles ver es LGBT. Parece una tontería, pero esta disonancia cognitiva hace que resulte muchísimo más complicado hablar en tu propio idioma en un fandom. Por no hablar de las innumerables referencias a posts o a memes... en inglés todo, por supuesto. Como te atrevas a hacer cualquier referencia cultural no inglesa, no te entiende nadie. Pierde la gracia.
Casi todo esto se puede achacar al imperialismo cultural estadounidense. El inglés es útil para comunicarse con gente de todo el mundo, pero su omnipresencia sirve de barrera para todos los demás idiomas. Quizás habría que reflexionar un poco sobre por qué coño el resto del mundo tiene que tragarse años de clases de inglés para hablar del juego que le gusta en una red social mientras muchos angloparlantes no se dignan ni a meter un texto en un traductor automático y prefieren pasar de largo.
I'm a big fan of Spanish showing up on my dash, mostly because I speak Spanish, but I don't get a huge amount of practice. So it's nice to slow down and carefully read a really thoughtful post, like the one above, that was written in my second language.
1. The court holds Google responsible for statements made by its AI, considering them Google's statements (search engines have limited liability for results in their engine as they're the words of other sites/companies/people), meaning when their AI lies/hallucinates they're liable for the defamation/harm resulting from those statements.
2. Google's defense that customers are generally aware of the lack of reliability and are responsible for fact checking was dismissed. As the court pointed out, that would "significantly diminish" AI Search's stated purpose and it can't be distinguished from Google's business practices/statements as a search tool.
3. Studies have found about 91% of Google's everyday AI responses are accurate, leaving millions of searches per HOUR with potential liability for falsehoods. 56% of correct responses weren't supported by the sources the AI listed. Both of which mean Google is now liable for a LOT more AI "errors."
4. Google was held liable for 80% of court costs in this case and this precedent is expected to reverberate around the world. This is a massive shift from the 3rd-party search provider role Google has previously played and it comes right as they've tied ALL searches to their AI search.
Additional source and more details below. Absolutely thrilled to say that this is real. And yeah, it's huge.
For all the reasons above AND ALSO because this particular lawsuit is a defamation case
Privacy lawsuits are hard because most privacy laws are super super weak, and there's very rarely a lot of money or enforcement backing privacy laws for...twenty million reasons, really...
But defamation suits? Those have teeth.
(In large part because, at least in some countries and including in the US, defamation laws protect public figures the least - and "public figures" legally includes most if not all politicians, and a hell of a lot of other rich ppl too)
A Munich court ruled Google's AI Overviews are its own words, making it liable for false claims, a decision that, if it holds, could reach e
A German court has ruled that Google can be held directly liable for false claims made by its AI Overviews, a decision that could put a serious legal dent in the whole “the AI made me do it” defense.
According to The Next Web, the Regional Court of Munich issued a temporary injunction after Google’s AI Overviews wrongly tied two Munich publishers to scams, subscription traps, and dubious business practices. The court treated those AI-generated summaries as Google’s own statements, not just ordinary search results pointing to third-party pages.
That distinction matters. Search engines have traditionally had more protection because they index and link to other people’s content. AI Overviews changes the machinery. Google is not just showing the web anymore. It is summarizing it, rewriting it, and sometimes apparently hallucinating a tiny legal grenade into the results page.
I love contemplating how actually scary this is. Nothing in horror movies affects me anymore but I get the most wonderful chills from the idea of these beautiful, haunting, mindless things just hovering in this murky water like a minefield for anyone foolish enough to go swimming or unlucky enough to fall in. How it’s still not as bad as being a fish small enough for them to paralyze and consume. How they regularly paralyze and consume fish but evolved before anything like a fish ever existed. A fish is such a complex creature that can see and think and navigate and be afraid but sometimes it touches these brainless, boneless, ghostly things that were just already there, millions of years sooner, and it dies and it never understands why that is. The thing that killed it and ate it doesn’t know either, it doesn’t know anything. It doesn’t have enough of a brain to even realize it has killed and eaten something. Some of its cells simply fired little harpoons into the cells of the other thing, and squirted deadly chemicals into them, and hauled up the paralyzed body to digest it. It’s a spider’s web without a spider but it still fills things with venom and eats them. :)
Love that while online fandom in general is having a weird meltdown about the morality of enjoying anything darker than sanitized fluff in fiction, the Danny Phantom fandom is still sitting in the corner 16 years after the show ended with a blankie and cocoa and their 10,000th deep-fanon supertorture cannibalism vivisection psychological horror fic
...Danny is fully aware that ghosts can feel pain. There's also at least one scene where a government ghost hunter tells him to "surrender, for lots and lots of really painful experiments"
Danny, after running away moving to Gotham a few months ago begins making little commentary videos on a social media app.
It was fine and all with mostly friends viewing them up until his meta gene activated. He didn't even know he had a meta gene and kinda figured any of the ghost stuff he did as Phantom would have activated it if he did have one. Nope!
His newest video started out with him wearing a red beanie, "Hey guys! You know how I just moved to Gotham a few months ago? Well, turns out I have the meta gene!" He takes a moment to let that sink in before continuing, "Most people get there abilities or whatever through a lab accident or an explosion or something and end up with like telekinesis."
"I, however, am hated by the universe and got scratched by a cat," he then yanked off the beanie to reveal two large cat ears, "and turned into furry bait. On that note if you have any tips on how to avoid Catwoman please leave them in the comments section. For my sake."
Dick stared down at his phone in shock. He needed to show his siblings this
In the meantime Danny has to deal with his channels popularity skyrocketing. "This is not what I want to be remembered for."
Bonus points if Danny gets one of those FMK questions that are all bats and he responds with, "Kill? A bat? Listen, if I get put into a death match with a bat the only one dying here will be me. I cant even do a backflip, what makes you think I could even touch one of them???"
All of the bat kids follow him. Because God's his shot is funny. He does a video on the local rogues. And he is just ruthless about it.
"joker isn't a clown. I've met real clowns. He doesn't deserve the game he gets. Honestly, overrated murderer. He deserves the death penalty. 0/10 stars."
" Catwoman? Love her work. Would not mess with her. Also, I do not want to be her apprentice. Please, help me keep her away. I don't want to be a furry on either side of the fight! "
"Harley deserves better than to be remembered as Jokers ex. He was her origin story, not the love interest. Her and Ivy are relationship goals."
" Red Hood? I thought he was bat adjacent not a rogue? Technically a crime lord? And, have you seen how much safer Crime Alley is? That's anti hero work right there. No I will not take critism. He killed pelple? And, so does Wonder Woman. "
If asked, Danny would say there is one upside to all of this.
He can make cat puns at any time. They are always relevant.
He once got a rogue to cry by just shouting "you've got to be kitten me!" in the middle of their dramatic speech, completely ruining their flow. Followed by a "what's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" which made them go from crying to absolutely sobbing on the ground.
The bats aren't sure if they should be in awe from this power or if they should fear him
It’s absolutely Scarecrow, he tries so hard to be scary. Emphasis on tries. And Danny would absolutely be unaffected by Fear Gas, he’s been stabbed by Fright Knight’s sword, nothing can beat that.
Scarecrow becomes obsessed with him though. Stalking him through the streets. He needs to beat this person! He HAS to. How can he call himself the Master of Fear if he can't beat this man!
Danny is of course, not at all bothered. Look, the gas barely even makes him anxious. He barely twitches. No matter how bad the strain gets.
The bats are torn. On the one hand Scarecrow isn't really bothering many other people. He is obsessed with Danny. But also, can they justify letting him obsess over a streamer? Also, how the hell if that kid so unaffected? He's got the meta gene, ok. But even Superman is not THAT immune to Gotham's gas attacks. What the hell kinda cat is he?
This comment sparked a truly wonderful scene. In the worst way.
The kitten has been pissing Joker off! The damn cat keeps dismissing his work as sub par! How dare he! Joker will show him! Yes he will! He decides a show is in order. Gotham seems to have forgotten him. ThiS is NOT acceptable!
He has to go big. Bold! Bright! Full of action! Excitement! He has the perfect plan! He starts to build a trap. One even the Bat would struggle with. Reinforced with meta safe materials. Fills it with cameras and deadly traps. He will catnap the disrespectful kitten and throw him in there! And show Gotham not to MESS with him!
It takes weeks before it's ready. Joker knows this will be a masterpiece. Even if the cat can get to the last chamber. Well, cats may have nine lives. But Joker has bombs.
Danny of course has noticed Jokers goons following him. In a fit of whimsy Danny lets himself get grabbed. This is gonna be fun. See if the Joker attacks him, and he fights back? No one can complain. Oh he won't kill the guy. That's no fun. He'll make him a footnote in history. Now he just had to remember to play his part.
Danny has a blindfold and handcuffs on as he is dragged in front of the clown. Joker stands on an orators box, in front of a concrete block. The camera is streaming live. Most of Gotham can see their catboy being hurt by Jokers goons. The city seems to hold its breath. What will happen? Please let the bats save him!
Joker: I hear cats have nine lives! I figured I would test it out! Who doesn't love science huh? Throw the kitten in the box. Let's see if Shroedinger was right!
Danny is throw roughly into the maze after his blindfold is removed. The handcuffs stay on though. Looks like he gets to show off a bit?
Danny: Oh me, oh my. Whatever will I do? Not the Jester! How will I ever survive? He spotted a camera and smirked provocatively. Hey he had to throw the clown off his game. Make him mad. See what happens.
Joker let's out an angry growl. Before calming himself down. no. no, he must not play too hard yet. He has time. He can play with his pet a bit longer. No matter how annoying it is.
Joker: Ah, naughty kitty! How could you forget ol' Joker's name? So mean to me!
Danny: Ah, but see I'd have to respect you to care. So suffer. Anyway. What's this game? May the best cat win!,
Joker: You wouldn't know a good punchline of it beat you in the face! Games simple. Get to the last room and you live. Don't die too quickly. That would be boring!
Danny grinned, fangs on show. He opened his mouth wide and bit down hard on the cuffs. The metal snapped, and he spat out the leftover pieces.
Danny: Sorry sorry. I forget you need help with your advanced age. Don't worry though Jester! I'll be able to help real soon.
Danny knew Joker wouldn't play fair. He was expecting every deadly trap a person could think of. And he was going to use as few ghost powers as possible. Still.... Best not to breathe for now. He performed a theatrical bow to the camera, complete with jazz hands. Then looked around.
This first room looked like a puzzle game. But he knew there would be a 'punchline' somewhere. Now to find the hidden trigger. Gotham watched in shock as Danny, cute, crazy catboy started to look around his cell. What was he doing?
It wasn't until he found a depression and started to pull it apart that they realised. He was being clever. Very clever. Joker didn't do obvious. Joker was evil, insane, and intelligent. Danny was not playing by the assumed rules. No, Danny wasn't playing fair. Gotham watched as he pulled apart the trigger plate that led to a gas canister. Danny looked up and winked again. He was clearly not taking it as seriously as Joker wanted him to.
Oracle had found the video and called for everyone. This would not be pretty.
Oracle: All bats available report in. Joker has Nebula. I repeat. Joker has Nebula.
Batman: Batman here.
Nightwing: Nightwing. I can be in Gotham in 20.
Red Hood: My guys are already out searching. I'll let you know if I Get news.
Red Robin: RR here. I Can help track the signal.
Spoiler: Spoiler on.
Black bat: Black bat.
Signal: Signal reporting.
Oracle: Thank you guys. Once I have a location I'll let you know. For now I am forwarding the stream. Nebula is doing a great job pissing Joker off. HE will be more volatile than usual. Nebula is also happily working his way through the traps. I don't think Joker expected him to be this handy.
Joker was angry. The kitten was good. Almost Bat good. How dare he! How dare he be this good. How dare he treat this like a game! He was looking forward to the big finale! That would show the brat!
Joker had. No idea how his pet was surviving the gas. Or how he dodged the bullets. Took apart the pit trap. Or how he passed through the poison water. What he did know was the Kitten was teaching the last few chambers.
Joker: I wonder what we are going to learn now? Cats huh, always so destructive. You give them a perfectly good enclosure and they rip it to shreds!
Danny: Well, I gotta stretch my claws! Their length has been kit-ing on my nerves!
Joker: Puns are a low form of wit!
Danny: And, explosions are too. You don't see me bitchin'
Gotham could see a muscle in Jokers jaw twitch. Nebula was really pissing him off! And somehow, he had No injuries yet! And he was in the third to last chamber.
Danny grinned at his new test. It seemed that Joker was running low on ideas.
Joker was getting more and more angry and the damn cat tore his traps apart. He was gonna enjoy watching as the cat was blown up. He grinned as the kitten got to the last chamber. No more tricks to save him. And no bats here to rescue him.
Gotham watched on hoping that Nebulae would survive the last chamber. No one thought he would though. Joker never played fair. But then? Nebulae changed the board. He started to rip the ceiling down around himself. He avoided that last room. Joker grabbed his crowbar and moved to the area Nebulae was ripping apart. Fine the cat wanted to play outside the rules? Joker would adapt!
Danny grinned as he ripped through the top and climbed out. He blocked the crowbar Joker swung at his head easily. Joker was human as they came. Slow and weak. Danny would face no issue with him. He held in and dragged the Joker off balance as he jumped out.
Joker let go of his weapon he had spares after all. Even if it wasn't his favourite. It seemed the kitten might be a real threat. How fun. How annoying. How clever. He'd never imagined anyone but a bat managing what the kitten just did!
Joker: Well well well. How interesting! You his this pretty kitty! What other tricks do you have up your sleeves?
Danny laughed and let his fangs show prominently.
Danny: Always one more than expected Jester! How else do you think I kept my mind lives huh?
Without wairing for the Joker to react to what he said Danny lunged forwards. He let his class take across the villains face and danced back out of reach. The Joker yelled in pain and rage before trying to reach him. Danny was still paying attention to his surroundings. So when he heard a good try to shoot him. He dodged, using feline grace.
Because of where they were stood? The bullet but the Joker in his outstretched arm. Joker of course screeched and yelled at his goons. This was his fight. They were to stand still and do nothing!
Danny was grinning with feral glee and cackling by this point. And Gotham? Was amazed at the sight. Their pretty little car boy was not just surviving the Joker. But humiliating him. Holy shit! Nebulae really was meant for Gotham!
Oracle was pissed at how long it had taken to find the location. And knew that the bats wouldn't get there in time to stop the fight. Not that they apparently needed to. Nebulae was winning. Easily. He was winning a rigged match with ease. And it was terrifying. To think he could do this. And simply hadn't. Because he hadn't felt any need to. His danger rating would need to be increased.
Gotham watched as Nebulae kept darting in and out of the Joker range with ease. Stealing weapons and throwing them away from the rogue. The Joker was getting more as more incensed.
Danny: Awww Jester. No need to be mad! Isn't it funny? Cat got your tongue?
Joker: Stop fucking around you little brat! And face me properly!
Danny laughed freely at that and smirked. Before answering he danced way and performed a theatrical bow.
Danny: As the court Jester demands!
Danny then got up close and personal. He grabbed the Joker by the throat and slammed him into the wall. Once he had him pinned Danny grabbed his nearest arm and pulled. He was not going to kill him. But destroy him? Oh yes.
Gotham watched in shock as Nebulae wrenched the Joker's arm out of its socket. And proceeded to do the same to the other arm. Danny made sure to damage the joints and muscles. If Joker had to spend a year or so in recovery? That was a year Gotham was free of his evil. He dislocated his jaw next. And made sure to crush it. Joker wouldn't be speaking for a while.
Once he was down Danny turned to the goons and grinned.
Danny: So. Who has my phone? Or do I go through you like I went through him?
The goons shuffled nervously. Fuck it. They were not paid enough for this. One of them three his bag over and then they all scattered. Best to be home before the bats arrived. Danny looked down at the Joker and sighed.
Danny dragged him in front of the camera and sat to the side of him. Pulling up his phone he saw the chatroom.
Danny: You guys! Thanks for the messages of support! That's really sweet of you! Now! We are definitely gonna need a Doctor for Jester here. Yes I could have killed him. But I'm not a murderer guys! No thanks. I prefer to not be in jail.
Danny laughed at all the pouring emojis that appeared after he said that.
Danny: come on! I'm gonna be in enough trouble for fucking up his arms and mouth so bad! He's gonna have to eat through a straw for months! Not to mention to to physio to move his arms again!
Then a specific message popped up.
Red Hood: If I get there first in gonna shoot him!
Followed by a bunch of cheers from civilians. And the other bats telling him not to. Danny just grinned and looked at the camera like he was doing a stream.
Danny: I'm kinda torn. Like on the one hand I hope Cuddles gets here first. But on the other? I want him to suffer liquid food for months while his jaw heals. Choices choices.
Red Hood: You're never gonna give up on the names are you?
Danny: Nah! Why would I? It's too much fun! Especially how the DadBat gets an exe error every time! Husband is fun too! And you know I love love teasing Stabby!
Oracle had to admit she was amused by what she was watching. Nebulae had a way of working the camera. He really did know how to control the mood. And he had managed to escape and take down Joker in his own. Without killing. And was now helping to calm the masses down by playing up his act. He was good. She wondered how long it would be before Batman tried to get him in costume?
Red Robin and Spoiler were first in scene thankfully. So there was no shooting of the Joker. No matter how much he deserves it. Danny of course played up the camera to keep attention from them. Moving the screen so they could work.
Danny: Husband and Mischief need their privacy! No I won't show you their gorgeous selves! I'm hurt! You want to we them more than me! Do you want to make me cry? Cause that's how you make me cry!
They could hear muffled snickering from off screen. And Spoiler apparently felt the need to back him up.
Spoiler: You just wanna keep your husband to yourself!
Danny in true form gasped as if offended and placed a hand over his heart.
Danny: And! Is that a crime! Anyway! Off with you! Take the trash out! I need to get home! Been a long day you know!
Eh... Self defence also falls under reasonable response. Like, once he had the Joker by the throat? Self defence stopped being a good defence. But yeah. Disabling the Joker? Definitely reasonable. Everyone knows he's an escape artist.
Joker is going to be going through hell right now. His jaw is gonna be wired shit for months as the bones heal. So he's on a liquid diet. AnD can't talk. His arms are fucked. Danny made sure to destroy the connective tissue as much as he could. So that's major surgeries. To get a chance of them working right. And one he's stable? He is back in Arkham. Pretty much defenceless.
Danny chose to make him suffer. And he is going to. Joker is now going to be stuck in Arkham. Without his words. Without his arms. No way to save himself from his many victims that are there as well. And the guards? Will not be willing to do more than ensure he survives. If they are willing to do that. Prince of crime? Not any more!
What Danny did? Will be so much worse than death ever could be.
There was a conflict when putting Joker back in Arkham; should he go to the infirmary or in solitary confinement. Eventually, they decided that for his safety, he would be in solitary confinement but have his own rotation of two guards, clocking out after 4 hours. That way one could always stay and guard Joker while another contacted the physician the next cell block over if a medical emergency arose.
Jason sulked for a bit, only cheering up when he remembered that they couldn’t give Joker pain medicine because he had an allergic reaction caused by the damage to his lungs. So he was dealing with healing without so much as a baby aspirin.
Meanwhile, in a room of Arkham with padded white walls and a clear, bulletproof front. It was designed to withstand everything including sonic waves, and only had an opening big enough to fit a tray through that was secured from the outside, plus air holes along the top and bottom. The door in and out was there too, but it wasn’t really an opening, having a piano hinge that went all the way down. And in that cell, in excruciating pain and with nothing better to do, Joker plotted revenge against the meta.
Combining this with the post I copied. If I am doing something not tumblr kosher please let me know
Joker couldn’t believe his luck.
That damnable cat had a kid.
A kid that liked to be out and about with no supervision whatsoever.
A little girl all alone in the big wide world with no one to protect her.
Oh wouldn’t it be delicious if he caught that cat boys daughter and treated that dark cat to a one of a kind live stream where he re-enacted the time he clipped Robin2’s wings.
The cat wouldn’t call him Jester after he used the kittens limbs to spell out his name now would he.
…
As Joker planned his next performance two tails twitched simultaneously.
One tail ended in a lions tuft and belonged to an Amazonian red head.
The other, white with black stripes belonged to a flaming haired hulk of a man.
Joker didn’t know what he had just set in motion. But he was going to.
Bsiahfbbsjishf... I love these additions. So I'm gonna do a bit of fluff Danny/Ellie shenanigans first. Then do Joker beat down part 2.
Gotham was treated to the adorable sight of Nebula and his clone/daughter curled up together purring. It was becoming a common sight. Every time she visited there would be sightings so over. It became a challenge almost to be the first to find them. There were so many videos and photos. And even more of the pranks they played on each other.
Ellie had bullied Danny into introducing her to the local vigilantes. And, like her 'Father' she refused to use their real names. The picture of Red Hood with two cat Metas curled around him went viral. Especially as it was clear they had ambushed him. Spoiler had happily appeared behind the camera to moan about not being favoured with kitten cuddles.
Danny hadn't even had to introduce Robin. They were doing a stream from home. Playfully bickering, when Stabby let himself in through the window. Apparently to check she was eating enough protein. And not drinking too much milk.
Ellie: Oh! Oh! He's like Dan! All stern and grr! But caring!!!
Danny: I know right! Those two saw your latest visit by the way. They are both coming over soon.
Ellie: My Aunt and Uncle are gonna be here!!! When?! I need to be here! Been ages since all four of us got together!!
Danny: I mean. Dan just finished parole, so he's finally free to travel. And Jazz just got her doctorate. So she's looking for work.
Ellie: We should get a house together!!! I could go to college I guess. Since you bullied me into getting a GED.
Danny: Yup I did. You don't have to settle down if you don't want to. I know you love your travel blog. But! You are always welcome wherever I live!
-----
Stabby:..... There are more Fenton's? I wonder if they also share the mutation?
Cuddles:... I can't believe you changed my name back... Fuckers. Did you notice how he said parole? Wonder what he was done for?
RR: ..... His records are extremely spotty. But if the hero theory is correct? Well, we have no way of knowing. Could be time travel shenanigans. Could be redacted.
AllSeeing: Older sister is a medical Dr. Specialized in neuroscience. With psychiatry as a second focus. And yes. They share the gene. Apparently after Nebula got scratched the rest went to test the theory.
Purble: I love Ellie so much you guys. She's so sweet! Just as feral as her Dad.
RR: Kon subscribed to their stuff. He about cried when he saw them interact. Guys, he was so happy!!!
Purble: Do I have to tell Nebula you're leaving him for Kon? That's fine! We can marry him to cuddles!
Cuddles: Fuck no! Little bastard bites! And we've seen him chew metal!
DickWing: I thought you'd be into that!!!
DickWing: Ok... Who changed my name? I'm not mad. I promise.
ShadowSteps: Sound mad. Anyway! New stream! Kitten is being mischievous again!
------
Joker groaned in pain after his latest round of exercise. It had been nearly a year. A year! And he still wasn't fully healed. Oh he was healed enough to be allowed out of solitary. But damn did his shoulders still hurt. The cat was impressively vicious. He had to wait a little longer, and then he could take the cats little clone.
Joker wanted to see what the cat would do. How far could be push him before he snapped? What would be do when he saw the mangled remains of his clone? His pretty little kitten bloodied and broken. He couldn't wait. Oh, he was going to need some help. His arms still weren't quite up to beating someone to death. But he had plenty of minions.
He'd worked with Crane and Fries for the plans to escape this time. Crane was going to release his latest strain on the prison. And Fries was going to freeze some of the walls. Making them easier to blow up. The chaos was going to be wonderful! He couldn't wait to see what happened! And then? He was going to lay low for a bit. Get everything in place for his newest pet! Couldn't have her ruining his plans like her Daddy cat!
------
Danny was on edge. He knew he was being over protective. That Ellie was just as strong and clever as he was. That she could look after herself. But Joker had broken out of Arkham. And he was known for going after family members of people who pissed him off. And Danny knew he'd pissed him off. He was torn between sending Ellie off to somewhere remote and hidden, and keeping her chained to his side. But knew of he did either Ellie would go spare.
She had at least agreed to wear an alarm bracelet. One that worked on ecto. No tech scramblers would work on those. He knew, they'd tested it thoroughly. So if she was taken? Or he was? The other would know where to search first. Which took his fretting down from paranoia like Batman, to paranoia like Spoiler. According to Cuddles anyway.
It did amuse him that the local colony had decided to check in with them every few hours since Joker broke out. It was sweet, if a bit weird. Ellie had agreed not to share her location online. And he had only been streaming from home. Both had dramatically moaned to their viewers about Joker ruining their vibe. The Bats had tried to get them I to protective custody. But that wasn't going to happen. Not when they could defend themselves. Still, they did agree to the compromises. Getting shot or stabbed was in fact a bitch. Not deadly, but still a bitch to heal.
Ellie was getting restless being mostly stuck in the house, so she had wandered off to the shop. Danny was trying not to worry. Even if Joker did grab her she would be fine. But still. She was his baby! He couldn't help it. At this point the waiting was worse than anything else would be. He wanted Joker to just act already. Although, if he DID go for Ellie? There were good chances she would just rip his arms clean off. She was NOT as nice as he was... Oh well. Danny dropped his head onto his desk as Ellie's alarm went off. Of course. Of course, it would happen when she went shopping. Fucker.
He did a quick sign-off with the stream and pulled up the chat he was added to by Spoiler. Time to let them join the hunt he guessed. Pulling up the app showed the location was stationary.... She waited didn't she. Fucking brat.
Brat wanted her own chance to fuck with the clown. She was going to get such an ear full. Especially as Dan and Jazz had just got on the plane to Gotham. They’d arrive by night fall. And then all three of them could coddle the shit out of her. Make her pay for being a brat. Sending the bats the link to the location Danny grinned. They weren’t gonna know what to look at first when they arrived. Thank fuck he could get there first. If he needed to help her hide a body…
------
Ellie was kinda grossed out at what this guy was saying. He wanted to use her own limbs to spell out Danny’s name? Weirdo. She grinned when she saw how affected Joker still was by what Danny did. Her template did a REAL good job fucking up the guys arms. And he had scars on his face where they had to do surgery to fix his jaw. He even seemed to not have full use of his arms yet. Going by the way he had a minion do all the moving shit. Ellie made sure to do a careful look at his arms and jaw before sending a shit eating grin at Joker.
Ellie: Hmm, Template REALLY fucked your arms up didn’t he, Jester??
Joker took a deep breath to calm himself. Part of the reason he lost last time was getting to angry. He knew it wouldn’t help this time either. He was so looking forward to wiping that smug grin off her face. Not to mention the devastation on Daddy Cat’s face. He could just see it now. What would be do in his rage?? He couldn’t wait to see!
Joker: I can’t wait to see your Daddy Cat cry little stray. Might even be as fun as Batman when I plucked the little Robin’s wings!
Ellie: Eww! You are super gross, you know that? I totally get why Template crushed your jaw. You just don’t know when to stop talking do you? That’s fine. I can teach you!!
Ellie had enough of this guys jabbering. There was nothing here that could properly hurt her. And frankly, he was boring. So she wouldn’t play along. It was easy enough to snap the cuffs holding her to the chair. The goons waiting by with bats and crow bars? Not a problem. Only issue was making sure to hit them hard enough to knock them out, without killing them really. And then the hunt was on. And this was going to be a fun one!
---
By the time Danny got to the warehouse he was dreading what he was about to walk into. Ellie was not as good as him at holding back. But, he could hear her giggling. Hopefully that meant he wasn’t helping hide a body.
Danny: Kitten?? You ok?
Ellie: Hiya!! This way! You should call an ambulance!! Jester REALLY needs one?
Danny: Good to know I’m not helping hide a body!
Danny rounded the corner and sighed at the sight in front of him. Ellie was sat on a throne of tied up goons. Using the badly damaged Joker as a foot rest. His arms and jaw looked even worse than last time. And…. Danny was pretty sure legs didn’t bend that way.
Danny: What exactly did you do to him??
Ellie: Welll…. He kept being SO gross. He wanted to cut me up and spell your name out with my limbs?? And he said something about skinning me and keeping the pelt.
Danny: How very Skulker of him.
Ellie: RIGHT!! And, he kept going on about how he made Batman cry when he killed Robin. And how he wondered what you would do after. And hoping to see you cry and stuff??
Danny: We both know exactly what would happen if any of my people died.
Ellie: True. Dan is a VERY good example. So yeah. I broke his jaw again. And crushed it. So they are gonna have to rebuild it. And I crushed all his joints? So, Jester is gonna have an AWFUL time if someone doesn’t manage to kill him before he heals.
Danny: You know, I’m somehow surprised you didn’t rip his head off.
Ellie: Hmm. No, I’ll leave that sort of thing to Dan!!
Danny, sighing: You *points at Dan* just finished your parole. Do you really want to give them a reason to put you back?
Dan: He-
Danny: And you *finger turns to Jazz* just finished your degree. Are you really gonna risk the future you worked so hard for over the world's worst court Jester?
Jazz: I-
Red Hood, just arrived in time to catch that: No, no. Cat's got a point. You have lives and futures to think about. Premeditated murder tends to look bad on resumes, even if it is the Joker.
Other Bats, through Jason's comm line: Oh thank god, he decided to be reasonable today.
Red Hood: Hand me the matches. I'm already a Crime Lord with a kill count and an iron clad secret ID. Won't fuck my future up.
The thought in my head while reading this is Danny haunting Joker while he’s healing in Arkham
“You’re a Jester that claims the title of Clown Prince. But no matter your title you’re no match for the King,” Danny’s eyes glow and a flaming crown hovers above his head. That fanged grin gets wider and wider - inhumanly wider as the teeth grow sharper and clawed hands reach to finish the job of ripping Joker’s arms off
and then Joker jolts awake from the nightmare. He’s still in solitary confinement with no one but the guards within sight. Of course it was just a dream. Of course.
