Love It And Hate It

Random stuff about orchestra, band, and music in general. There may be memes.

[musicalyikes]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

well since no one else is going to perform this vital public service here are some reviews of the top ten gun violins on google, by a violist who has shot a gun like twice.

3/10. strings seem to disappear and there are no tuning pegs. impossible to aim as a gun because violin body gets in the way. 3 points for classic black finish, never goes out of style for murders at the symphony.

0/10. same aiming problem as the last one and with strings that short the sound you produce will kill people on its own so why have a gun. also seems to be cut like you’re supposed to shoulder-mount it like a rocket launcher, which is a terrible idea with this kind of gun.

6/10. looks like they’ve gone for an electric violin which is a great choice! it fits the aesthetic and you don’t need to worry about the instrument body this way. heavy, but the weight is concentrated near the chin so should be fine for short sessions. tuning pegs are directly in the firing line so using the gun destroys the violin, only fire as a last resort.

2/10. not fit for either purpose. stupid fake gun gets in the way of the bow, and there’s no sound chamber at all. plus, where do you even put your shoulder. 2 points because I guess you could put it on your wall as a weird art piece.

8/10. finally someone is thinking this through! the retractable barrel and folding fingerboard offer good flexibility and the bridge even doubles as a handy iron sight! needs to be de-strung to fire, so limited on-the-fly mode switching.

1/10. firing the guns will absolutely annihilate the scroll but you might as well because it would have terrible sound anyway. 1 point for thinking of left-handed violinists for once.

-4/10. not even a gun, just a violin that lets you scope the audience for dramatic effect.

5/10. useful if you want to shoot yourself and the conductor at the same time, which is frequently a mood.

6/10. he a little confused, but he got the spirit. technically works as both weapon and instrument but be VERY careful putting it under your chin if you haven’t unloaded the bolt.

-100000/10 what the fuck

[uncle-beanbag]

Gun Violince

[official-cello]

have you ever messed up a fingering so badly that you want to go back in time 30 seconds to preemptively slap yourself

[classicallytrainedidiot]

especially when it’s during a private lesson :/

[confessions-of-a-cellist]

sdfghjklhds

[guy]

oh this is about instruments?

[hollowboobtheory]

imagine hearing “hall of the mountian king” for the first time in 1875. the sheer chaos imagine being some norwegian aristocrat and sitting down for a nice day at the symphony and getting your entire wig and life snatched right before your very eyes

[zilliumgrist-deactivated2018123]

when you need to pay respects

[diamorique-deactivated20211030]

Wh… where’s the time signature?

[zilliumgrist-deactivated2018123]

are u telling me u need a time signature to play 1 note for a joke post

[loveandpowerhalsey]

what’s the time signature??

[riptidejunkie]

Three types of people

[sorryihavemarchingband]

“i bet playing christmas music is so much fun!”

every band kid within a 20-mile radius groans

[omg-horns]

JUST WATCH IT OK

[shmuringg]

Holt shit

[omg-horns]

YES

[eatsthomas]

I am scared and confused.

[omg-horns]

(:

[my-mental-quo]

I love this….those kids are geniuses…and do they actually know how to play/tongue/bow the instrument they were playing in that video? Not doubting them or anything it just looked like they swapped instruments….

[maxopferkuch]

Ok, as the person in the blue shirt on the left, I can explain what is going on here.

On the far left, you see a clarinetist playing a broken cello.  She does not know how to play the cello.  (Nor does that cello have any intention of being played.)

My friend and I are collectively playing a frankenstein of an instrument that I like to call the “Eb bassooninet.”  It’s an Eb clarinet with a bassoon bocal attached. It sounds like a dying duck.

The bassoonist in the middle is the only one playing a normal instrument normally.

Second from the right, you see a clarinetist playing half a clarinet.

Finally, on the far right you see a clarinetist playing a Bb clarinet that is pulled out so far at every joint that it approximates an A clarinet.

The best part about this video is that everyone is actually a really accomplished musician, not that you’d guess it xD

[gayworstenemy-deactivated201803]

au contraire, this is the kind of thing ONLY accomplished musicians are fucking weird enough to come up with

[a-flat-major]

gotta go fast

[flute-etulf]

Trigger Words for Musicians:

• Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

• Cut Time

• A# Minor

• Auditions

• Sightreading

[stop-viola-abuse]

Nothing like wearing concert black and your arm being covered in rosin

[showerthoughtsofficial]

Sheet music is just a sound recipe.

[arialis]

[instrumentastrology]

Most to Least Neurotic

Piano

Viola

Oboe

Clarinet

Horn

Tuba

Bassoon

Double Bass

Trumpet

Flute/Picc

Cello

Saxophone

Bass Clarinet

Baritone

Percussion

Trombone

*Violin is so likely to be neurotic it could not be represented adequately on this text post

[overheardbackstage]

Ah yes, I too am a Band Bggk.

[kittengirlpaws]

We are all band bggk

[musissues]

Yikes

[housecatincarnate]

[musicalmelody22]

Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it” 

Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect. 

[fororchestra]

To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.

On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.

[corruptbucky]

I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…

[justtkeepcalmm-deactivated20250]

Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.

The lengths we go for music.

[lady-gorthaur]

Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.

[elsajeni]

One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”

And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:

[stifled giggling]

[reeeeeeally deep breath]

[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]

The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.

In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”

FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.

[minguskingus]

This is the best band post 

Everyone else go home

[oxboold-deactivated20180729]

Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this

which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,

that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that

[prokopetz]

Who does that?

This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.

[vivelafat]

Julius IdontgivaFucik

[musissues]

I’ve only seen this legendary post on Pinterest

[waytoomuchanalysis]

Gems from my orchestra class today

G: When’s the middle school choir concert?

Teacher: Tonight at 7.

C, about a minute later: Wait, when’s the concert tonight?

Teacher: SEVEN.

A cellist: Hey Mr. (Teacher) when’s the choir concert?

-

Teacher: Anyone else have anything to say about the concert last week?

L, cringing: I wasn’t wearing shoes.

—

B: *raises his hand*

Teacher: Yes, B?

B, slowing lowering his hand as he talks: Would you mind if I had a tissue.

Teacher: I would not mind.

—

B: Hey, who’s the orchestra teacher at (Middle school that we both went to)?

Teacher: (Name).

Me, horrified: You KNOW that!

—

*the noise of someone smashing the piano keys*

Teacher: *comes flying out of his office, heading straight for the kids at the piano*

Me: *visibly leaning away from the piano even though I was halfway across the room from it anyway*

Dude I was talking to: They’re gonna die.

Me: Why is it always the bassists?

[musissues]

Today my orchestra teacher asked one of the viola players why he kept playing a part wrong even when his section had been reminded several times of what they were supposed to be doing

His excuse was “I think I have carpal tunnel. It’s probably from holding my drumsticks too tight.”

Then the teacher gave him a very long, drawn out explanation of how to reduce pain while playing, which ended with “and don’t forget...you play the viola.”

[stage-managed]

Suicide Awareness for Musicians

Let me open with this: Suicide awareness is important for every group, regardless of race, gender, sexuality, occupation, ect.

However, this particular post is going to be about suicide awareness in musicians because that is near to my heart.

The suicide rate of musicians is about three times the national average. There are many different speculations as to why this is the case, and no one is exactly sure. Regardless, be it because of the chemical nature of musicians’ and other “fine arts oriented” brains or because of the competitive field of music, this is a huge problem. Obviously, when someone takes their own life it often times changes the lives of so many people in a negative way. When a band or orchestra or choir kid takes their own life it effects the lives of others in a whole new way.

One of the most common things to describe a band as is a family, and it is one. You have a group of kids who spend unnatural amounts of time together making music, one of the most emotionally bonding things for people. Sometimes they fight and don’t get along. However, after all is said and done, it is the band that they can go to when they need help, support, or love.

Love. Love is present in every band. You might not always be able to see it but it is always there. It is there during every rehearsal, every competition, every performance. It is also there in loss. But in loss, love is a strange thing. When a musician takes their own life, the dynamic of their ensemble is changed forever. Everyday their band mates will walk into class and see their empty chair and wonder, “why”. The director will go to cue them, but they won’t be there. He’ll go home that night and cry, thinking “if only I could have helped” The person who takes their spot will never be happy about moving up a chair. Their section will always feel and sound empty because they lost a member. The band will always sound and feel empty because they lost a family member.

Please, remember the musicians. Please remember the band kids. The orchestra kids. The choir kids. Please remember the musicians.

[thefaultinourslides]

Thank you.

[flute-saraswati]

this needs to spread

[sorryihavemarchingband]

i read this the other day and it hit me like a truck and i’m still thinking about it and it’s so important that the musicians are remembered. we all have music families who love and care about us and if any one of us were gone it would never be the same and that is so important