Why must I be haunted by roadkill for the last decade?
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@mydarkraincloud
Why must I be haunted by roadkill for the last decade?
God I hate being between two names. Going to fuck me up at this bridal shower big time. I just needed someone to know that I’m nervous and don’t know how I’m gonna introduce myself….
Pls stop interrupting me and let me finish this fanfiction or so help me
a concept inspired by @hereticlesbian
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
I just realised people who only watched the tv show don't know for a fact that Ilya did in fact score more that 50 goals his rookie season. If I am remembering right the show says it is looking good for it at the all-stars but doesn't say for a fact he did it. So I need you to know That crazy motherfucker did it. He and Shane actually scored the same number of goals their rookie season(67) because they are cosmically intertwined and fated to be together
fem hollanov time
should probably also post my hollanova art here too
shane hollander: publicly the golden boy, privately a freak. yes. but also privately a gossip, a bitch, a shit talker, conceited and actually really funny. and i love him so much for all of those qualities
you just know sometimes ilya looks over and sees that little twitch of his lips and he KNOWS as soon as they're alone shane is about to drop the bitchiest fucking comment. he loves him so much he absolutely cannot wait
Bouncin on it
Maybe I just haven’t met the right woman….
……..bouncin on it
Post-TLG Hollanov are woken at an ungodly hour by Shane’s phone. Shane answers and Yuna tells him to put her on speaker phone. Shane does and she tells them not to freak out but someone put a hidden camera in their hotel room when they were last in St. Louis, and the video is now on the internet. Yuna is working to get it taken down, but it’s spread like wildfire. Shane and Ilya are like “oh shit” and start to panic because the last time they played in St Louis a really bad snow storm rolled in, so they were stuck there for an extra day and spent the whole day fucking. An unauthorized Hollanov sex tape hits the internet. Half of the fandom is like “don’t watch it, respect their privacy” and other half is giving play-by-play commentary and writing essays about the video. #ProRiderShane, #ServiceTopIlya, and #TwoBigDicks are trending. Shane wants the earth to swallow him whole while Ilya tweets out “Damn, we look so good together” and Shane takes Ilya’s phone and flushes it down the toilet.
The internet's favorite part is the extended cut TM which shows the evening before when both of them get in tired from a long game that went into OT and Ilya tries to talk Shane into blowjobs but Shane's like you took a brutal hit and you can barely keep your eyes open we are not having sex, we are sleeping and Ilya gives him the cottage blowie on the phone eyes so Shane makes him a deal: if Ilya can stay awake until Shane's done with his bathroom routine, he'll blow him and Ilya fucking Rozanov, Terror On The Ice, gives his husband the biggest pout because you will cheat Shane and Shane is like I've never cheated once in my life asshole, and Ilya says, outraged, you will take extra long so I will fall asleep! Just like you wear your glasses when you want me to clean up my socks. That's not cheating that's an incentive, Shane shoots back and is so pissed about the cheating accusation he actually goes to the bathroom even though he was half a second from caving because he does really want to blow Ilya. Anyway you can see on the video how Ilya fucking Rozanov, one half of the league's sleep paralysis demon duo is trying stubbornly staying awake playing something on his phone and then just nods off. And then Shane comes back, not even three minutes later because that man is weak and that was not his full bathroom routine in any universe, but Shane just smiles softly and takes Ilya's phone and puts it on the nightstand. And then he gets a water bottle and puts it there too and then he gets into bed with him and even half asleep Ilya throws and arm over Shane and wiggles half on top of him. And when the gifs of that go viral Ilya finally crashes out and orders Yuna to hire ten more lawyers and find those fucking thieves because that moment was for no one else but him, fuck them Shane that is huge invasion of privacy Shane I will murder them!
One thing about the Hollander men; if you hit them with a social situation they don't know how to react to, they will straight up leave ✌️
call that the Hollander Goodbye
thoughts and prayers to ilya, who is marrying into a family of flight risks 🙏
Imagine Shane doing the peloton commercial and Ilya messages him as soon as he sees it and is like “make them take this down. now. right now” and Shane’s like “why???? what’s wrong with it” and Ilya is like “too sexy. you will make entire population of canada explode from lust. is that what you want?? scott hunter has already died they just announced. heart attack. rip ⚰️ he will not be missed but still. is sad”
when hollanov are both centaurs ilya still tells each of them "i love you" when they leave the ice and then gives shane a very professional "good game"
"Yeah I'm probably autistic but I'm also a closeted gay non-white hockey player fucking my archrival on the downlow so honestly I'm gonna pick a struggle at this point"
And then the struggle he picks is his fashion sense.
Fucking fuck the lump on my breast is getting bigger and I’m scared. I need to see a doctor for it
that moment when your attending fully implies that he will be killing himself after giving you his house.