♦️🛸ALIEN CRAWLING UNDER HUMAN SKIN🛸🌿

SPICY LIKE PEPPER, ONE-TWO STEPPER

[mysterycarnival]

♦️MOTHER NATURES LITTLE JOKE🌿

👾VAPS🛸20S🛸ALIEN IRL🛸ESCAPED LAB EXPERIMENT🛸‼️🔞NO MINORS🔞‼️🛸FUB FREE👾

ART ACCOUNT IS @vaprius

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[amazoogle]

they're saying that Thursday will be falling on a Thursday this week. the rare double Thursday phenomenon

[sumplysilly]

SKETCH for gliscorachnid on bluesky :}

[depsidase]

[geocaprican]

It is becoming increasingly apparent that colonialism never really ended, but like so many other previously government sponsored enterprises it moved to the private sector and rebranded

[ducissatenebrarum]

Tiny creature writing things, Switzerland, 16th century

[ruderubicante]

Who's that pokemon? It's Swirlix!

[crabeetle]

[mataurin]

Part 2 of my commission series for the cool and sexy @lushloooser.

[dietranch]

healing wish

[aforest2006remaster]

yesterday i made a beetle out of soda tabs and wire. we took the bus home.

[callali1y]

listen if a friend of mine transitioned and looked like me i would not be mad. i would not be asking questions. we would have other business to attend to

[sourgunk]

[spencerthespacer-deactivated202]

[0sbrain]

[mlarayoukai]

happy mothers day to her

[peachfromcmbyn]

Yeah sorry I can't come into work today. I accidentally heard Primadonna by Marina formerly of and the Diamonds. So I need the day to be a primadonna girl. Yeah it's going to be the whole day.

[nixpunk]

[insomniac-arrest]

I wish AI would stop making so many animal story posts. I LOVE animals and they are ruining the loving-animals ecosystem. And also the real ecosystem

[insomniac-arrest]

The truffle hunting cat is AI, I’m so sorry guys

[gingerkingfisher]

Fuck AI, look at my handsomest boy instead, he helps me in the garden by digging holes next to where I am digging. He is not helping at all, but I appreciate his spirit, we are bonding.