Konoha-Convos

Just random convos Naruto and his friends have that aren’t appropriate for manga/TV

[naruto-convos]

Gaara: What’s wrong Temari?

Temari: *sighs*

Temari: Naruto got Shikamaru so drunk he started walking in fucking cursive again.

[naruto-convos]

Hinata: Sometimes I feel like I have 3 kids...

Tenten: What makes you say that?

Hinata: Watch this.

*Hinata walks over to the big fort in the middle of the living room*

Boruto, Himawari and Naruto: What’s the password?

Hinata: Eat ramen, sleep and fart.

Naruto: *pokes his head out* Access granted!

[naruto-convos]

Naruto: I’m not proud of this but! I had to do the walk of shame this weekend.

Sakura: ...

Sakura: A huge part of me knows that your definition of ‘walk of shame’ is completely different from the normal definition. So you gotta explain...

Naruto: Hinata said no to the instant ramen packs I tried to sneak in the cart while we were in line waiting to check out.

Naruto: So I had to walk it back to its aisle while these people were watching me.

Naruto: Shameful.

[naruto-convos]

Naruto: *drunk as fuck and tried to sneak into the house*

Hinata: *was waiting for him and turns on the light* Naruto-kun! Are you drunk?

Naruto: I ammmm nooooot....fucking drunk!

Hinata: Oh really?

Naruto: I am nooooo.....fucking drunnnk!

Hinata: Then can you tell the time for me?

Naruto: Of course!

Naruto: *turns in the direction of the clock and starts pointing at it*

Naruto: I ammmm not....fuuuuucking drunk!

[naruto-convos]

Naruto: Hinata’s and my sex life is still young and healthy. I’m surprised we don’t have more kids.

Sasuke: Sakura jumps me from any corner when I come home. I’m not against the idea of one more kid.

Shikamaru: I just get Temari angry and that’s that. One more kid is gonna be troublesome though.

Sai: Ino usually just looks at me and it’s a cue. Inojin always wanted to be a big brother.

Orochimaru: Mortals, please. I don’t need anyone and still got one son. Get on my level, bitches.

[naruto-convos]

Sakura: Honey, can you please take out the trash?

Sasuke: NOT, NOT TODAY!

Sakura: Can you wash the dishes?

Sasuke: NOT, NOT TODAY!

Sakura: Sasuke! The baby is coming!!

Sasuke: NO, NO NOT TODAY!!!!!

Sakura: CAN YOU PLEASE STOP FUCKING SINGING AND TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL?!

[naruto-convos]

Hinata: Naruto-kun, we need to start saving some money this month. We’re running kinda low and lately you’ve been spending it on...unnecessary-

*a hamster walks by wearing a tuxedo*

Hinata: What the hell was that?

Naruto: *also wearing a tuxedo* Hima’s hamster is getting married and I throwing the reception here. You getting changed or what?

[naruto-convos]

Shikamaru: Temari is so damn violent. You’re so lucky your wife is such a gentle soul.

Naruto: Yeah but she still has her terrifying moments.

Shikamaru: I don’t believe you. When is Hinata ever scary?

Naruto: I almost drop Boruto when he was a baby because I was throwing him too high and Hinata told me to stop...

Shikamaru: And?

Naruto: *shivers* I don’t want to talk about it.

Shikamaru: But -

Naruto: Shh! You might summon her if we do...

[naruto-convos]

Temari: Shikamaru, look! Shikadai is about to say his first word!

Shikamaru: What do you think it’ll be?

Temari: ‘Mama’ or ‘Mommy’ of course. No questions about it. If he says anything else -

Shikadai: M-mmmmm

Temari: Here it comes ~

Shikadai: PAPAAAAA *giggles*

Temari: ...

Shikamaru: *you little fuck....*

[naruto-convos]

Naruto: Hey Sasuke! I think Boruto and Sarada would make a kick-ass couple.

Sasuke: *chidori on standby* If you little mini copy lays a finger on my daughter -

Boruto: *8 months old crawls over and taps Sarada’a head*

Sasuke: *chidori activated* You thought that was funny, you little fuck? I’ll show you funny!

[naruto-convos]

Naruto: Me and Hinata cuddle like were teddy bears ALLLL night long

Sasuke: Sakura tries to cuddle but I push her away until she falls asleep. Then we cuddle.

Sai: Ino likes to just lay her head on my chest and pass out.

Shikamaru: ...this one time Temari let me in the room and I think that’s when we conceived Shikadai

[naruto-convos]

Naruto: I’m surprised none of us are gay.

Shikamaru: Why would you ever think we were?

Shino: Do some of us seem gay?

Naruto: Just some... *eyes Sai* just a tad bit.

Sai: *creepy, emotionless smile* Whatever do you mean?

Sasuke: I thought I was gay once...

Naruto, Shikamaru, Shino, Sai: What?

Sasuke: What? Don’t be lying to yourselves. We all had that one phase before we had some pussy.