Welcome to my Tumblr of Random

Sup! I'm Katie. Welcome to my tumblr of random, I blog about everything and anything. I am blessed to have amazing friends in my life, one of them being Alexis! She is the XXX to my Disney G (find her here: lawschoolnavyandbaby.tumblr.) Now I am starting to try and blog about life from my point of view, as a stay at home fiance, a recent college grad, and soon to be married life. I am an Air Force Brat and proud! Every day with my man is a fairy tale. Love my sailor veteran. We have made it through so much together and I’m proud to say we were friends since 2006. Ever have any questions feel free to clicky clack that ask button and get to know me on a more personal level. My weirdo fiance:

[driverdaily]

Adam Driver mentioned for the third time on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (4/12/20)

[chiiefhopper]

summary of eleven and hoppers relationship

[xxred-five-standing-byxx-deacti]

@ruthlessmoonhunt 😂😭😭

[awellboiledicicle]

Seriously Guys

Here you can find a live map of the national air quality for the USA and this is what it looks like atm:

And this is where I am, generally:

Primarily, I looked these things up for wildfire and general particulate pollution checks and.. well, the color code is this:

and the rating for most of my state– let alone anywhere effected by flooding [ie Louisiana atm] is “Unsafe for sensitive groups” and “Unhealthy”. The guide for the ratings is found here.

I just wanted to share it because when people talk about pollution in the air, they don’t talk about fires, or how the particle pollution heavily comes from said wildfires and how the west coast suffers under a prolonged fire season as well. It’s a subject that needs to be paid attention to.  As an asthmatic living square in one of the more northern red blobs, it needs to be addressed. 

Add smoke and ash to what we generally put into the air and we’re all gonna bake/choke to death. If something isn’t done, we’re going to be in dire straights, not just because of the environment, but because of resulting health issues in elderly, children, and vulnerable people.

[awellboiledicicle]

When I said please boost, I meant please reblog this. No one talks about how the western US goes up in flames and much less how the air quality goes to shit every year. With Tr*mp in charge, pay to firefighters is backed up months behind schedual. People cannot personally afford to go fight fighters, departments can’t afford to go help other departments fight them. Public awareness campaigns are not being planned and put into action to keep people inside/aware of how to keep healthy and to reduce fire risk. Unless people are seeing the particles in the air, they aren’t considering it a threat and this is a problem. I’m not the most environmentally versed person and i’m not a scientist, but people need to know about it. Things like ash and smoke drift over the continent and affect much more than their local area. So please– spread this!

[loleinapast-deactivated20180206]

As a seattlite this is important for me.

[lacuna-liavim]

Seriously, Montana is on fire and we just reached our budget limit for firefighters. We’ve had two firefighters die trying to bring these fires down. Our governor has declared a state of emergency but we can’t get federal aid until 45 does something about it.

[rosyafterdark-deactivated202607]

Please help. My state is on fire and the air is so horrible here. My friends are losing their homes. Their worlds are going up in flames. Their memories. Everything. We are trying so hard to fight this but nothing is working. The national guard is helping with only one of many fires, to my knowledge. We’ve seen very little rain, and it hasn’t been enough to make any sort of difference. The fires are too big and WE NEED HELP. Please. I’m begging.

[rosyafterdark-deactivated202607]

Also, some of the larger fires, mainly the Lolo Peak fire and the Rice Ridge fire, are out of control. The Lolo Peak fire is almost 40,000 acres now. You can fit a bit over 30,000 football fields in that. You can fit over 22,000 football fields in the Rice Ridge fire area. Here’s a link of fire conditions and the like for Montana as of August 30th, 2017. http://www.nbcmontana.com/news/keci/montana-wildfire-updates-for-august-30/614623633 We need help. Please boost this if you can.

[rosyafterdark-deactivated202607]

Please! http://www.greatfallstribune.com/story/news/2017/08/31/lightning-sparks-62-new-fires-national-guard-mobilizing/621107001/?cookies&from=global This year is going to be making some serious records! Our fire season will last for MONTHS and there is no end in sight to the fires we are dealing with today. This is so overwhelming, firefighters are working so hard and nothing is working. We need help. By the end of September, we are expecting (as the article above says) a ridiculous 1,000,000 acres burned, or possibly more. That’s over 750,000 football fields for those who can’t picture how big an acre is. We have very little help right now. And Montana is not the only state dealing with fires, which is why we need to get it together and spread this information! This could be life or death for some, be it people or their pets. This could save so many people if we can just spread this. Send it to friends if you can’t reblog it. Please help.

[rosyafterdark-deactivated202607]

Picture credits to Stormy M. on Facebook. This is what it is like all over the state of Montana right now. It’s either smokey or it’s on fire. This is the Rice Ridge fire right now. It’s getting worse. These are from two days ago. Please spread this.

[rosyafterdark-deactivated202607]

This is in the middle of the day, all taken in the last couple of weeks. It is worse now. It is dark on a day where there are no clouds to block the sun. We are suffocating. Thousands of us are breathing in thick smoke and ash, and there’s no end in sight. You can’t see anything past 100ft anyways.

So many people are forgetting about the “last best place on Earth”. Everything is on fire. Memories are up in flames. Nature is dying. Animals are burning to death.

Even if this doesn’t match your blog theme, you should still at least reblog this. Lives are at risk here. We have no rain coming, just more dry lightning. We need help.

Photos aren’t mine. Credit to Davina G. For the last two.

[rosyafterdark-deactivated202607]

Montana now has over 1,000,000 acres on fire.

http://www.kpax.com/story/36306168/montanas-2017-fire-season-tops-1-million-acres-burned

Please reblog this. Many people are in danger. We need help.

[elektrikkick]

I am so happy to finally see something somewhere about Montana. I live in a place that is lucky to not have fires too close but dammit we have been breathing smoke for months, and we are the lucky ones because we don’t have ash. 

These mountains that I am lucky enough to see every single day? They have been covered by smoke for months, and I’m not kidding or being melodramatic when I say I’ve forgotten that the sky can really, truly be that blue. The sunlight and shadows it casts are orange all day, and my city is lucky. 

The fires are out of control, as stated above, and we are left waiting for snow that may not come for months. There are thousands of people who need help and yet the national news seems to not even mention us beyond a simple statement of acres lost…which is not something to be downplayed or taken lightly. 

This is also a great video that was posted on September 5th with great information.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2kEYBAfcyQ&t=155s

Please, reblog and help Montana if you can. I know many places across the world are hurting, but the people of Montana don’t deserve to be looked over as a result.

[awellboiledicicle]

Thank you for the update! Yeah, Washington is trying to get it’s handle on things but Montana, you guys don’t have a lot of natural boundaries to keep a fire at bay. 

I’m praying for you and the crews keeping things back as much as they can. Till some of this mess gets knocked back, it’s going to be a lot of keeping the channels open and making sure we don’t let people forget we’re all out here out west.

[dosomethingprettywhileyoucan]

Money spell! Reblog to charge it with your intent; the more people see it, the more powerful it becomes. Magic should be fun!

[deadgorl]

this actually does work the witches of tumblr really are out here doing something lol

NOW THIS MONEY POST I AM HERE FOR

[sassysugarnyc-deactivated201904]

Yesss November come throughhhhhhh!!

[darkcocosb-blog]

Reblogging with all my intent and desire.

[darkcocosb-blog]

I Made $750 For Nothing

[theechrysalisamidst]

I need a transition and also to not be in abject poverty

[earthshaker1217]

I too require money.

[fnb1223]

would like some money plz

[spacematriarchy]

reblogging bc after I saw this last time I found out that I haven’t been getting my orphan’s benefit because of an administrative issue, not because I no longer qualify, and got a whole year of back pay

[gottacatchemsome]

Reblogging because I just got a letter in the mail that there is still some money in my 401k from the job I got pettily fired from and so I’ll be getting somewhere around $650 dollars, thereabouts, in about a month.  I MEAN WHAT.  Witches of Tumblr, my hat is off to you.

[sameatschildren-deactivated2018]

DO IT NOW: Guide to Proper Bra Fit and Measuring because Victoria Secret and La Senza and whatever are full of shit and you are definitely wearing the wrong size ok? ok

Hi guys I’m obsessed with this shit lately because I don’t want anyone to have unhappy, unsupported boobs like I did. Even if you think your boobs and bras are fine, try it. It will make a big difference in comfort, support, and shape, even if you have small boobs or big boobs. A proper fitting bra can fix back, shoulder, and neck pain, along with breast soreness - and it can help you look 10lbs lighter, and your breasts a hell of a lot perkier. This guide also works for proper-sized bikinis and bathing suits (many online stores linked to below sell both- sometimes for as low as 10$!)

Don’t just like this, REBLOG IT. EVERYBODY WITH BOOBS DESERVES A PROPER FIT. Even if you don’t wear bras yourself, spread it around to tumblr or with your friends or family.

Grab a soft tape measurer (use inches) and get nekkid - don’t wear a bra or shirt please, you don’t wear a bra or shirt underneath your bra, do you? This part is fast and easy, and will help you find your ‘Starting Point’ bra size - you may not end up in this exact size, but it will get you in the right ballpark.

How to Measure:

Measure your underbust - go right underneath the root of your breasts, but make sure the tape is straight/parallel to the floor. Take a firm, snug measurement - if you have chub, take it tighter.

Measure your bust bent over - bend forward so your back is parallel to the  floor and your boobs are hanging so you have access to all that beautiful breast tissue that is now brought forward. Measure very loosely around the nipples, keeping tape straight/horizontal/perpendicular to the floor.

If your breasts are kind of empty and/or have a lot of sag, this method may overestimate your cup size. Instead, take your bust measurement bent over, standing, and lying flat on your back, and take an average of those three measurements and use that for your calculations.

How to Use These Measurements to find your 'Starting Size’:

Round up your underbust measurement to the nearest even number. If you are only half an inch or less away from being a lower size, use that instead (unless you have a bony ribcage). This is automatically your band size. No BS. There is no adding imaginary inches here.

The difference between your underbust measurement and your bust measurement dictates your cup size. Every 1 inch in difference represents a cup size, so 1 inch = A, 2 = B, 3 = C, 4 = D. As you can see here, a true D or DD cup is actually pretty fucking small. 

CUP SIZES ARE NOT STANDARD, UNLIKE COMMONLY THOUGHT (AND TOLD TO US BY ASSHOLES LIKE VS). They are TOTALLY relative to band size. The cup on a 30D has 4 inches less volume than the cup on a 34D. A 30D is actually the same cup size as a 34B! 

No one has their shit together on the lettering for each cup size, so here’s a handy dandy chart. Remember to go with UK measurement as they somewhat have their shit together (and because American companies do not make much above DD, so there’s literally no point in knowing it, but the European sizing may come in handy)

I DON’T CARE IF YOU LIVE IN THE USA, DO NOT USE THE AMERICAN MEASUREMENTS, FFS. YOU’LL ONLY MAKE THINGS HARDER AND MORE CONFUSING FOR YOURSELF. ANY BOUTIQUE IN NORTH AMERICA WORTH GOING TO, AND 99% OF ONLINE STORES, IS GOING TO SELL PRIMARILY BRITISH OR EUROPEAN BRANDS AND WILL GO BY THEIR SIZING. THERE IS LITERALLY NO POINT IN KNOWING AMERICAN SIZING

DO NOT USE AMERICAN SIZING

DO NOT USE AMERICAN FUCKING SIZING

EVEN IF YOU ARE AMERICAN

AND LIVE IN THE US

USE THE BRITISH SIZING

For example, I have a 29.5 inch underbust and a 38 inch bust when bent over. So, I should take a 30 band and then there’s an 8 inch difference. So I am a 30FF in UK sizing. This is just my starting point when looking for bras, and I may not always end up with this exact size

Do not pull the 'omg no I’m not a G cup my boobs aren’t that big you’re more stupid that the idea of vegetable bread’ shit with me ok? You drank the Kool-Aid and now you need to piss it out. CUP SIZES ARE NOT STANDARD. A 34D IS BIGGER IN THE CUPS THAN A 30E. Here, take a look at a chart of cup volumes and see what I mean.

Also… not all 'big cup’ bras are ugly and granny-like. Just check out brands like Freya or Gossard or Gorteks or Panache or Cleo! They are gorgeous!

Trying it on: What a proper fit is like

ALWAYS SCOOP AND SWOOP BEFORE ASSESSING WHETHER IT FITS OR NOT. What does this mean? This means bend over, hike up your bra so that it sits right under the root of your breasts. Then, start smooshing all your back fat and armpit rolls or any loose tissue thats underneath or to the side of the cup, INTO the cup. All that stuff is breast tissue that got pushed around from your shitty bras, no I am not bullshitting - after a few months of wearing better bras, many people end up having to get a bigger cup and sometimes even a smaller band too, as all the smooshed breast tissue migrates back to the boob, where it should be. Not kidding. So get everything in there and make sure the wire is positioned perfectly under your boobs. Then stand up and assess the fit. If it seemed to fit before scooping, it won’t fit now.

THIS IS JUST A STARTING POINT. Try on your starting size and work from there. You may need to go up or down a band size, or up or down many cup sizes. Not all brands or even models in that brand are made the same way, and the shape of your boobs also helps determine the size and fit, so don’t try on JUST the size you calculated, say “it doesn’t fit”, and then give up and go back to your 36Cs. You aren’t doing yourself any favours. If you don’t feel comfortable in your 'starting point size’, go ahead and try a size up or down in bands and/or a size or two or even three up or down in cups as needed.

ALWAYS start on the loosest hook. If you need to start on the tightest hook, go down a band size. The point of hooks is simple - as your bra gets used, it gradually loses its elasticity and gets loose. So, you use your hooks to bring it in, and when you reach the last hook, well, be prepared to get rid of your bra in a few months (unless you invest in a band tightener like the Rixie Clip)

A proper fit means the bra band is straight and parallel to the floor. If it isn’t, and seems to be getting pulled up, its too big and isn’t supporting you. Get a smaller band. You shouldn’t be able to stretch it more than a couple inches off your back. It may feel tight at first, but bras do need 'breaking in’ and you are used to wearing things that do not fit correctly, so give it a chance. Of course, it should not hurt either!

A proper fit means your bra straps are not digging in. 

A proper fit means the gore (the little centerpiece of the bra where the wires sort of meet) MUST tack/sit firmly against your chest. If it doesn’t, then the wires are not truly fully underneath your boobs and so are not giving you the proper support. 

A proper fit means your boobs must fit smoothly into the entire cup (after scooping and swooping). The wire should totally encase all your breast tissue (this includes armpit fat and stuff). There should be no empty space at the bottom or top of the cup. Your boobs should not be overflowing from the top of the cup. If there’s overflowing or uncontained tissue after scooping, or of it feels tight, get a bigger cup.

A proper fit means you should be able to lift your arms over your head and jump around without the band or underwire budging or exposing underboob.

Size Tweaks/Troubleshooting (make sure you scoop and swoop first):

The band feels tight: Is the gore tacking or not? If not, go up a cup size or two (or maybe even three or four). Even if the gore is tacking, try this first. The band may be tight because the cups are too small, so your boobs are stretching the band out too much to overcompensate for lack of cup depth, making it feel tighter. If after trying larger cups, it still feels uncomfortably tight, go up a band size (and down a cup size if the first size fit well in the cups - remember, cup is relative to band, a 32DD is the same in the cups as a 34D). Remember though that it takes a few days to break a bra in, so it may feel tight or perfect at first, and then comfortable or too loose later.

The band feels loose/band is riding up and not remaining parallel to the floor: Go down a band size (and up a cup size or two because blablah relativity). 

The gore is not tacking, but band is not tight: Band size is too big, or maybe fits just right - but the cups are too small. You know what to do.

Boobs spilling over: Go up a cup size. Check first though that the bottom of the cup is not empty, and hike it up if it is!

Empty space at bottom of cup: Hike that shit up so it gets right to the roots of your breasts. This may fix bulging/spillage. If you can’t get it higher, then you need a smaller cup or this make of bra is just not suited to your shape.

Empty space at top of cup: You need a smaller cup, or this shape of bra just does not suit you your breasts, especially if your breasts are not very full on top. Or you need to scoop and swoop!

Straps digging in: Loosen them. If your boobs suddenly sag, then the band is not supportive enough, and you need a tighter band.

Armpit rolls: Bigger cup and/or scoop and swoop that shit. The cut of bra may also just not be for you (for now anyway - your armpit rolls may migrate back into the boobs and disappear eventually!)

They don’t even make my size!!: If you’re in a 28-48 D-KK (UK sizing) cup, you will find your size online easily enough. however, if you have a smaller band than that or need smaller cups, they are hard to find - message me and I’ll try to help you with a solution!

So, for example, my starting size may be 30FF, but I may end up wearing a 28G or H if the band of that model is too loose and the gore not tacking. Or the band may be fine and I may need a bigger cup so I’ll get a 30G. Or The band may be good but the cups too big, so I’ll get a 30F or E. Or the band may be too small to be comfortable and I’ll wear a 32F or E (same cupsize-ish as 30FF!). 

 What Not to Do:

NEVER PUT YOUR BRA IN THE DRYER. AND PREFERABLY, WASH IT BY HAND. The heat and twisting ruins the elasticity of the bra and reduces its life! This is the best way to ruin bras, don’t do it.

Do not add 3 or 4 or 5 inches or whatever to your band measurement. That is BS that American companies use so that they don’t have to manufacture a larger range of sizes - they use it to fit you into their stock, not their stock onto you. The band will be too big and unsupportive. Those 4 inches they add to the band are 4 inches that should be in the cup size, so no wonder people think anything over DD should be huge.

Do not measure your 'overbust’ cause really what the fuck does that have to do with how large you are underneath your boobs, come on

Do not do the above because 80% of the support comes from the band, which needs to be firm against you and not be sliding or moving around.Would you wear underwear 4 inches bigger than your hips? No, so why would you wear a bra band 4 inches bigger than your ribcage that gets pulled up and stuff and would fall off if not for the straps, while expecting it to support the boobies at the same time?

Do not go down a band size and then forget to go up a cup size or two. Again, cup sizes are not static. A 30FF is the same cup volume as a 32F or E. If you don’t do this, no shit the bra will fit badly or feel tight.

Do not go straight to Victoria’s Secret or La Senza or whatever, even if you are lucky enough to fit in their small range of sizes - they don’t seem to follow sizing very well. Still, try, by all means, but be aware that their bras may be odd compared to others.

 "But where do I get these Bras? I’ve never even seen these sizes!“

Luckily, the internet makes this shit really easy. Buying bras online is nearly always way cheaper, even with shipping, and even if coming from somewhere in Europe! But of course, its best to try on stuff first, to avoid the hassle of return shipping (even though its still not that expensive - just annoying). So what I advise is to find a store near you, try stuff on there, note down the Brand, Model, and Size, and then buy it online for up to a quarter of of the in-store price.

If you can’t find a store near you, online ordering is still extremely cheap, even with return shipping. Instead of getting a whole bunch of bras in only 1 size each, pick out a few models and order a few sizes of each. Ex: one with a bigger or smaller band if your measurements are close to needing a bigger or smaller band size, and then some up or down a couple cup sizes so you can compare the fit. When you have the perfect fit in one bra, it will be easier to go on Bratabase or r/ABraThatFits and have them suggest bras that give similar shape or suggest a different size to you as a model you’re interested in may run large or small.

So, Where to Find:

Note: You can find proper-sized bras as low as 10$ US online (particularly from ebay or brastop.com) and most average 30-45$.

List of Online Retailers from BustyResourcesWiki: A complete list of online retailers around da world. Many ship internationally so take a look at all of them (particularly the UK ones)

Ebay, Etsy, and Amazon all have bras inexpensively.

List of Offline Retailers from BustyResourcesWiki: List of chain-stores (not of privately owned stores)

If in Canada, look for a Change Lingerie near you to try on bras. Note that they only carry their own brand.

If in the USA, look for a Nordstrom or Nordstrom Rack near you to try on bras. They carry all sorts of brands and have an online store as well (and also ship to Canada!)

Use a store locator from the webpage of a bra brand company to find non-chain, privately owned stores - if they have one of these brands, they’ll have others. Here’s the locator for Freya, Curvy Kate, Fantasie, Chantelle, Panache, and Affinitas. There are more than just these of course.

If you are small in the band AND in the cup (under a D cup) look at the Little Bra Company.

Ask around on Bratabase or r/ABraThatFits for stores near you.

WOMAN, YOU HAVE THE INTERNET! GOOGLE! YELP!

WARNING: There are many chain stores (Nordstrom, Lane Bryant, Mark and Spencer, Change etc) that do bra fittings and have a good reputation. However, each store is different - some measure correctly, and some use the stupid VS method. Every store has a different team of employees and knowledge. DO NOT GO IN WITHOUT HAVING MEASURED YOURSELF FIRST, JUST IN CASE THEY ARE ONE OF THE BAD STORES. DO NOT TRUST ALL BRA FITTERS, EVEN IF SOMEONE RECOMMENDED THEM TO YOU. If your fitter gives you a measurement different from this one, be mentally prepared to have a difficult time getting them to help you find the right bra.

I had the fitter at Change help me, and when I mentioned that the gore did not tack, she said "Oh, the gore never touches the chest with these bras”. I was like HAHA NOPE BRING ME A LARGER CUP WOMAN. And lo and behold, 2 extra cup sizes later, the gore tacked (and my boobs stopped spilling out). She was very nice otherwise but if I hadn’t known better that could have been bad.

Resources:

r/ABraThatFits: forum for bras, they will help you with sizing, fitting, and finding the right model for your breast shape - they have links to a lot of resources, such as online stores, used bra listings, etc.

Busty Resources Wiki: Great resource for fitting tips, diagrams, explanations, styles.

Bra Band Project: an online gallery of what various sizes look like! Dump your disbelief!

List of Online Retailers: Online is MUCH cheaper and shipping is usually cheap too, even from Europe. Try bras in a store near you , pick out what you like, and order them online instead.

Bratabase: Database of bras, with user inputted measurements of each bra model in its size - bras may be marked the same size, but with this you can see which may have bigger or smaller bands or cups, or what style may suit what shape of breast, all of which helps find the perfect fit for you! 

Great Youtube Video on Bra Fitting: This is one of the few people on Youtube who knows their shit about bras. Great for the visuals to help you understand what a bad fit and proper fit look like.

Venusian Glow is a great bra blog - SO MUCH INFO. Suggests bras based on your boob shape amongst other things.

[mother-trillest-archive]

A quick guide!

[navyhomelife]

I just miss my little skittle so much... I know it's been 3 months. I know I at least have a kid already... But it still hurts. I have lost a lot of confidence in myself. I know ot wasn't my fault, but what if it was? What if it was punishment for not being good enough? Or something else... I should be in the home stretch of pregnancy....

[distracting-from-ttc]

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and I believe it should be celebrated; whether it lasts 3 weeks or 9 months.

@myrainbowboyandme (via distracting-from-ttc)

[coffeekissesandquoteablesouls]

[jenjg82]

[nikkidotcom]

Please do not

open your mouth about miscarriage if you don’t know anything about it.

It is not “just like a period”.

It is not something that “you can just try again”.

It is physical AND emotional pain.

It is a fluctuation in hormones.

It is waiting. 

It is your body expelling something that should have a life and future.

It is possibly having to take medication to open your cervix so that your body will start the “natural process”.

It is seeing your future physically fall out of you, or a hospital room because your body couldn’t correctly do the job and now the doctor will do it for you.

It is bleeding for days/weeks on end.

It is depression.

It is worrying about infection.

It is trauma.

It is waiting to be allowed to be intimate with your partner again.

It is never wanting to to be intimate again.

It is blood draws and HCG level testing.

It is a follow up gynecological appointment, and physical exam from a stranger when you don’t want anyone near that fragile part of your body.

It is possibly another ultrasound… of your now empty belly.

It is possibly the need for surgery.

It is crying on the bathroom floor feeling like your body failed you.

It is months of waiting for your cycle to regulate so you can “just try again”.

It is never forgetting the excitement, the waiting in the ultrasound room, the horrible news, the images, the pain, the due date, and the fact that you SHOULD be a mother to that child but you will never be.

And no other pregnancy, no other baby, will ever replace the one that should have been but is not.

It is never being able to truly feel excited when you become pregnant again. Because this never leaves you, and this could happen again.

It is NOT just like a period.

[alllipsgoblue-deactivated202105]

A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.  But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she’ll know.

Barbara Kingsolver (via alllipsgoblue)

[miscarriage-support-blog]

[fcbarcelohna]

Michael Phelps + tumblr text posts

(for anon)

[catonmyshirt]

If Owen Wilson read “The Night Before Christmas”

[likeworriedfire]

FUCK

[amandaknox]

I’m freaking OUT

[baelienz]

THE NOSE CONTOUR

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via woahaydrian)

[oneiriad]

I wonder if, in superhero universes, the villains ever get contacted by those “Make a Wish Foundation” and similar people.

I mean, the heroes do, of course they do, kids who want to meet Spiderman or Superman or get to be carried by the Flash as he runs through Central City for just thirty seconds.

But surely there are also the kids, who - because they are kids and sometimes kids are just weird - decide that what they really, really want is to meet a supervillain. Because he’s scary or she’s awesome or that freeze ray is just really, really cool, you know?

[robininthelabyrinth]

Oh, man, that would absolutely be a thing. The heroes would be so weirded out by it. The villains with codes of ethics would totally band together to force the villains without one (should they be the one requested) to do their part for the cause.

[katyakora]

But imagine the person who has to track down the villains and organise everything?

Like, the first time it happens, no one actually thinks it’s possible, but one of the newbies volunteers to at least try. They get lucky, the kid wants to meet one of the villains who is well known to have a personal code of ethics (eg one of the rogues), and it takes them weeks to track the villain down to this one bar they’ve been seen at a few times, plus a week of staking out said bar, but they finally find them.

So they approach the villain, very politely introduce themselves and explain the situation, finishing with an assurance that, should the villain agree, no law enforcement or heroes will be informed of the meeting.

The villain, assuming it’s a joke, laughs in their face.

At this point, the poor volunteer, who has giving up weeks of their time and no small amount of effort to track down this villain, all so a sweet little girl can meet the person who somehow inspired them, well, at this point the employee sees red.

They explode, yelling at this villain about the little girl who, for some unknown reason, absolutely loved them, had a hand-made stuffed toy of them and was inspired by their struggle to keeping fighting her own and wasn’t the villain supposed to have ethics? The entire bar is witness to this big bad villain getting scolded by some bookish nobody a foot shorter than them.

When the volunteer is done, the villain calmly knocks back their drink, grips the volunteers shoulder and drags them outside. The bar’s patrons assume that person will never be seen again, the volunteer included. But once they’re outside, the villain apologises for their assumption, asks for the kid’s details so they can drop by in the near future, not saying when for obvious reasons. They also give the very relieved volunteer a phone number to call if someone asks for them again.

A week later, the little girl’s room is covered in villain merchandise, several expensive and clearly stolen gifts and she is happily clutching a stack of signed polaroids of her and the villain.

The next time a kid asks to meet a villain, guess who gets that assignment?

Turns out, the first villain was quite touched by the experience of meeting their little fan, and word has gotten around. The second villain happily agrees when they realise it’s the same volunteer who asked the other guy. Unfortunately, one of the heroes sees the villain entering the kid’s hospital and obviously assumes the worst. They rush in, ready to drag the villain out, but the volunteer stands in their way. The hero spends five minutes getting scolded for trying to stop the villain from actually doing a good thing and almost ruining the kid’s wish. The volunteer gets a reputation among villains as someone who can not only be trusted with personal contact numbers but who will do everything they can to keep law enforcement away during their visits.

The volunteer has a phonebook written in cypher of all the villain’s phone numbers, with asterixes next to the ones to call if any other villains give them trouble.

Around the office, they gain the unofficial job title of The Villain Wrangler.

[beka-tiddalik]

The heroes are genuinely flabbergasted by The Villain Wrangler. At first, some of the heroes try to reason with them.

Heroes: “Can’t you, just, give us their contact details? They’ll never even have to know it was you.”

The Villain Wrangler: “Yeah sure, <rollseyes> because all these evil geniuses could never possibly figure out that it’s me who happens to be the common thread in the sudden mass arrests. Look man, even if it wouldn’t get me killed, it would disappoint the kids. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the kids would you?”

Heroes: “… no~ but…”

The Villain Wrangler: “Exactly.”

Eventually, one of the anti-hero types gets frustrated, and decides to take a stand. They kidnap the Villain Wrangler and demand that they give up the contents of the little black book of Villains, or suffer the consequences. It’s For the Greater Good, the anti-hero insists as they tie the Villain Wrangler to a pillar.

The Villain Wrangler: “You complete idiot, put me back before someone figures out that I’m missing.”

Anti-hero: “…excuse me?”

The Villain Wrangler: “Ugh, do I have to spell this out for you? Do you actually want your secret base to be wiped off the map? With us in it? Sugarsticks, how long has it been? If they get suspicious, they check in, and then if I miss a check-in, they tend to come barging into wherever I am just to prove that they can, even if they figure out that they’re not being threatened by proxy. Suffice to say, Auntie Muriel really regretted throwing my phone into the pool when she strenuously objected to me answering it during family time. If they think for even one moment that I’ve given them up, they won’t hesitate to obliterate both of us from their potential misery. You do know some of the people in my book have like missiles and djinni and elemental forces at their disposal, right?”

Anti-hero: “Wait, what? I thought they trusted you?!”

The Villain Wrangler: “Trust is such a strong word!”

Villain: “Indeed.”

Anti-hero: “Wait, wha-” <slumps over, dart sticking out of neck>

The Villain Wrangler: “Thanks. I thought they were going to hurt me.”

Villain: “You did well. You kept them distracted, and gave us time to follow your signal.” <cuts Villain Wrangler free>

The Villain Wrangler: <rubbing circulation back into limbs> “Yeah well, you know me, I do whatever I have to. So I’ll see you Wednesday at four at St Martha’s? I’ve got an 8yo burns unit patient recovering from her latest batch of skin grafts who could really use a pep talk.”

Villain: “… of course. Yes… I… yes.”

The Villain Wrangler: “I just think you could really reach her, you know?”

Villain: <unconsciously runs fingers over mask> “I… yes, but, what should I say?”

The Villain Wrangler: “Whatever advice you think you could have used the most just after.”

Villain: <hoists Anti-hero over shoulder almost absently> “….yes.”

The Villain Wrangler wasn’t lying to the Anti-hero. They know that the more ruthless villains would not hesitate if they thought for one second that the Anti-hero would betray them.

But this is not the first time the Villain Wrangler has gone to extreme lengths to protect their identities.

Trust is a strong word. The Villain Wrangler earned it, and is terrified by what it could mean.

[weezley]

My first official deadpool headcanon is this. This this this.

[fireandwonder]

Okay but this whole concept actually makes a lot of sense, because villains are a lot more likely to be disfigured/disabled/use adaptive devices (bc ableist tropes), so of course, say, a child amputee is going to be more interested in the villain with a robot arm who almost destroyed New York than the heroes that took him down.

Also, imagine one of the kids gets better, and a few years down the line becomes a villain themself, except their crimes are things like smuggling chemo drugs across the border for families that can’t afford treatment, or stealing from corrupt businessmen to make donations to underfunded hospitals (idk this turned into a Leverage AU or something) and every time the heroes encounter her, they’re like “oh no. she’s getting away. curses. welp, nothing we can do.” Though it isn’t that she can’t take them on; bc of course once the villain from way back when found out what she was up to, he started helping/training her. 

“I thought they just hired someone to dress up and pretend to be you,” she says, amazed, when he reveals himself. “I didn’t think they actually got the real you!”

Every year the Villain Wrangler gets a very expensive gift basket from the pair.

[kelssiel]

and for the kids who don’t get better the villains are there too, they show up to every funeral, they bear too small coffins on their shoulders and the heroes stand aside

they are fierce with grieving families assuring them that their child will not be forgotten, and they don’t balk at negative emotions, they don’t tell people to be strong or “celebrate their child’s life,” because these parents have every right to their grief and anger

and the lost children are never forgotten. flowers appear on graves during birthdays and anniversaries, heroes find pictures of those kids and they carefully take them down and ensure they’re delivered to the villain’s cell, and a few villains can be seen with friendship bracelets wrapped around their wrists the cops have learned not to try and take them off

[watchingthedetective]

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