Garbage With Taste

#1 Batman fanatic

[negaprionb]

Bruce using “chat clip that” because of his kids. He probably thinks it’s the kids talking to oracle and asking her to take note of something that happened or something they saw. And in turn he starts saying that so oracle can “clip that” and put it in his notes for when they have their mission debriefing.

Tim: (rushes tying up the criminals and one of them wiggles free)

Bruce: (sees tim wrangle him and tie him up correctly) “chat clip that”

Tim:

Dick:

Damian:

Jason:

Oracle: “what did you say Batman?”

Bruce: “I said clip that, I need to go over that during mission debrief.”

Oracle: “that’s not- … okay B, clipping that”

Rest of the bat family on comms: (absolutely flabbergasted)

Tim: “chat clip that”

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[thesuperheroesnetwork]

Texts From Superheroes

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[papayafromtv]

how much do you wanna bet that the justice league sees how fucking insane the batkids are and tries to criticise bruce's parenting only to rapidly backpeddle when bruce just deadpan whistle-calls the nearest batkid over and gestures towards them like 'alright, then. you try bringing it up as a healthy adult.'

jason is stood there, gun twirling in-hand, shit eating grin on his face, and innocently he goes 'are you my new daddy?'

oliver's eyes widen in fear and he sputters out a 'o-oh i don't- i don't think-'

'yeah, that's what i thought.' bruce snaps. 'come on, jason.'

oliver watches bruce wrap an arm around jason's shoulders and lead him away, and as they leave he hears jason go 'i shot a guy like- directly through the nose ring, nothing but net style, so i won the competition and i get to pick dinner for tonight.'

bruce's steps falter just barely. 'and the man you shot-?'

'oh, fuckin exploded like an egg out the microwave. ruined damian's new sweater.'

bruce sighs.

'i want italian.'

'you had italian yesterday.'

'i want italian.'

[frownyalfred]

Supes being the only one to ever throw Bats through the air despite a bunch of others being able to do the same

Some new leaguer tries it once and doesn't understand why they're now on Supermans shit list

No one else wants to explain the X+ amount of years of Superbat pinning and baby steps for the two to get to the point of Supes throwing Bats during missions

Oh my god, imagine some new hotshot (Guy Gardner, etc) comes in and throws Batman during a mission because he saw Superman do it once and before Bruce’s feet fully touch the ground he’s hauling Hal Jordan off as the ranking Green Lantern for a discussion on Gardner because he’s a professional and won’t do it right in front of the League. MEANWHILE, Superman is getting shoved into a wall by Diana trying to calm him down because he’s got the burning red eyes and the sudden urge to throw Gardner through the air without a ring to see how he likes it (Clark was terrified Bruce would get injured and won’t fully be over this for at least 5-7 business days)

[papayafromtv]

Red Hood continuing to be a crime lord and borderline villain even after making up with the bats specifically to keep his ties with the Gotham rogues so that he can freeze out Tim from joining the criminal underworld every time he crashes out and decides to cause shit.

Tim, storming into Two-Face’s secret base after not sleeping for three days and being pissed off by Bruce one too many times: look alive Dent, i need to punish people and i’ve decided we should work together-

Harvey: no can do, Red. sorry.

Tim:

Tim: excuse me?

Harvey, shrugging: i’m an ally of the Red Hood. one of his rules is specifically ‘don’t give Red Robin the time of day’

Tim:

Tim: are you fucking serious right now?

Harvey, returning to his newspaper: dunno what to tell you kiddo, we’ve all been warned under penalty of beheading not to work with you.

Tim:

*across Gotham*

Jason, supervising a weapon shipment: and put those crates in that truck over there, yeah-

Tim, breaking in through the ceiling: HOOD. STOP TELLING VILLAINS NOT TO FUCKING WORK WITH ME, I’LL KILL YOU-

Jason, not looking away from his spreadsheet: and those ones in that locker, thanks- Red shut the fuck up im working here- that truck leaves in like ten minutes so we gotta be quick,

Tim: I HAVE A CROWBAR HOOD-

Jason, waving off his goons concern: it’s fine he just needs some valium-

Jason, reaching an arm out to catch the crowbar being swung at his head: -can you fucking chill? this is why i had to blacklist you from the criminal peanut gallery.

Tim: *incomprehensible screeches of rage*

Jason, pulling the crowbar out of his hands and tugging him against his chest: shhhh, shh baby bird, we’ll get you in a rage room for an hour or two and you’ll be back to normal by the morning- oh and those guns are to be sent off tomorrow not next week, we got moved up-

Goon: …are we supposed to ignore him?

Jason: yes.

Tim, limp in Jason’s arms: *muffled by his chest* B ate the fucking cinnamon roll i was saving.

Jason, humming: i know kiddo, i know.

[seeminglydark]

The prompt was ‘detention.’

[seeminglydark]

reblogging with cute tags that make me happy <3

[seeminglydark]

NEVER GIVE UP even though most people see their ships on this piece because the characters faces arent visible, this artwork sent SO MANY people looking for who the characters were, reading my comics, sending me asks, and falling in love with Sully and Caro just like me. It's been an amazing ride. DO IT! Post your ocs!

xoxo raptorjules

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: Last week, Clark told me he's looking forward to Kon turning eighteen because he's tired of the defiant stage. I'm still laughing.

[papayafromtv]

it will never not be funny to me that if i read a fanfic centred around jason and dicks relationship it will 90% of the time be dick desperately trying to bond with jason to make up for lost time bcs they weren’t very close before jason’s death, and then if i crack open a comic with the two of them it will more likely be jason showing up on dicks doorstep grinning wildly and dick saying god fuck why couldn’t the joker have done a better job WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME

[brucedefender4eva]

On a Justice League mission

Wonder Woman: Where’s Barry? I had assumed he would be here before us

*Flash runs in, holding Bruce in a Princess carry*

Flash: Incoming! *sets Batman down* Whew! Damn Bats, you gain some weight?

Batman: *glares* …

Flash: Sorry… that was mean

Batman: Hrn *pats Barry on the head once*

Superman: *clears throat and floats in between them* Ehem… anyways… how are we supposed to-

Batman: *cuts Clark off by shaking his cape. This causes Spoiler and Black Bat to fall out* Got it covered

Spoiler: Damn it B! I was taking a nap! You could’ve at least given us a warning

Black Bat: *finishes that macaroons she was eating* Lets get to work

Batman: *nods at them as they walk off chattering*

Justice League: …?

Green Lantern: How… how do you keep doing that?

Green Arrow: *muttering to himself* It’s not possible… it’s not possible…

Superman: I… are there more in there?

Wonder Woman: Batman, is the small fierce and stabby warrior with you? I would enjoy teaching him more techniques!

Batman: *ignores them*

[brucedefender4eva]

In like 3rd grade or some shit, me and a few of my classmate who were deemed the ‘fastest’ challenged our teacher to a race.

Now she was a former track athlete, not that we knew that at the time, and she left us all in the dust. Kinda opened my eyes to the fact I underestimated her simply because of age. But also I was like 8 or something so I didn’t do much critical thinking

——

The bat kids all know Bruce is getting older, even if he doesn’t visibly look it. He groans and grunts as he sits down and gets up from chairs, he’s using his reading glasses more, on days where he doesn’t have patrol he goes to bed early

He’s old

So naturally they challenge him to a race. Just like how they used to when they were little kiddies

None of them have even beaten Bruce in a race, but since he’s so much older and has had so much damage done to his body over the years, they figure they have a pretty overwhelmingly good chance

They’re a little cocky, taunting Bruce and ribbing him. (Bruce chuckles and laughs at all his kids getting along, even if it is to beat him)

They all line up, the finish line is pretty far away, but they’re not worried. Kids figure they’ll start off with a light jog beside Bruce and make him think he’s winning before sprinting to the finish line and leaving the old man in the dust

The moment Alfred yells ‘Go!’ Bruce is off like a fucking bullet, sprinting full out immediately.

The kids are shocked but the shoot off after him, expecting him to start slowing down soon. But he doesn’t, Bruce just powers on and continues sprinting. In fact, you could say that he’s gaining speed the longer that he runs.

Bruce sprints the entirety of 900 yards without a moment of pause, barely out of breath or sweating when he crosses the finish line.

To their credit, his kids weren’t that far behind but they’re out of breath and wheezing.

Bruce immediately feels bad for crushing them so mercilessly so he thinks up at workout plan for their stamina while he’s handing out their water bottles.

[v00do-d0ll]

I just had a idea for a prompt for a Superbat fic. One of my favorite things I have a headcanon for in Batman stories is Bruce’s emotions being so much that he can’t help but have them show in a moment of panic.

And this is not really a trope you can find in Batman fics because Bruce is so trained to not panic in stressful situations.

But I was just thinking like what if there was a fic, where Bruce and Clark are dating in secret and nobody knows not even the kids; and there’s this huge fight that everybody is hands on deck for. The Justice League is there, the Teen Titans are there, and so are all of Bruce and Clark’s kids.

And something happens to Clark to where he’s down and he’s injured badly, and the sun is not helping him at that moment. (It could be because it’s cloudy, Something covering the sun, or he’s just so badly injured and there’s enough kryptonite around to keep him from healing)

And while Clark is down, they managed to defeat or subdue the villain. Afterwards everybody runs over to Clark who’s bleeding out. And Bruce is the first one there and he’s trying his hardest to help him. He’s putting pressure over a wound that’s bleeding profusely. And he’s frantically talking to Clark because he knows it’s bad this time.

And everybody’s surrounding them, and there are a few others also trying to help Clark. But something happens and Clark’s heart stops. For a moment nobody moves, nobody even breathes. Until Bruce absolutely loses it.

He’s screams so loud that it makes everybody jump, and it’s such a scream that you could hear the desperate plea in it. He’s frantically giving Clark CPR while crying, Screaming “No, no, no! Clark come on don’t leave me” “Please don’t leave me.” “I can’t do this without you.” “You promised me you’d stay.” “I CAN’T take another death! Please!”

And everybody’s watching in stunned silence over how badly Bruce is freaking out. Because Bruce never freaks out. He’s always calm and collected. He’s the first person people turn to in situations like this one. But he’s hyperventilating. Tears are coming out from underneath his mask. His voice is going horse from the scream he let out. And nobody knows what to do for him.

The kids are all crying or on the verge, and seeing their father or mentor break down scares them even more. Because if Bruce is this panicked they know it’s probably over, and they don’t know what to do with that information. Dick is holding Damien and Jason against him. Tim and Kon are holding onto each other. John is clutching Damiens hand. Cass, Steph and Duke are motionless. The last time Bruce was like this was when Jason died, but the only person that saw him in that state was Clark.

But after a minute; which felt like an eternity. Clark takes a breath and opens his eyes.(They didn’t notice that the clouds had uncovered the sun slightly and Clark had started to slowly heal), Bruce throws himself at him. Sobbing even harder than before. He pulls off the cowl and puts his ear down to Clark’s chest to make sure he can hear his heartbeat. When he looks up, Clark is already staring at him. And he can’t take it, that was the closest call they’d ever had. He throws himself at Kal and kisses him right there.

Everyone gasps. Bruce desperately holding onto Clark as he kisses him with so much love and desperation. It’s the type of kiss that says “I love you, please don’t ever scare me like that again.” When they pull apart, Clark is the first one to look at everyone around them. He’s looking at everyone’s shocked faces. From the Justice League to their children. He doesn’t know what to say, because Bruce is still holding onto him.

Bruce takes that moment to recompose himself. He turns his head towards everybody and assesses the damage. He pulls his cowl back on, and says “I’m taking Clark to the med bay.” He helps Clark up and they leave together. And if Bruce is holding onto Clark a little tighter than he needs to, that’s nobody’s business.

Once they’re gone, everybody turns towards each other with complete shock on their faces ,still overwhelmed by what just happened and the revelation about their teammates and fathers. Everyone looking at each other silently asking the question “Did anybody know?” From the looks on everyone’s faces, nobody did.

Dick looks around to his family “We… we should go check on them” he says softly still in shock. Dragging Damien, John and Jason over to the Bat-plane. The rest of the team following in complete silence, As it finally hits them that Bruce and Clark are much more than friends and it seems that they’ve been that way for a while.

[brucedefender4eva]

No Justice League identity reveal but Nightwing gets recruited to be a member

Batman wants to keep his family safe but also realizes that his baby boy is a grown man and can make his own decisions, even if this baby gives him a heart attack.

Nightwing is strong, smart, and levelheaded in battle. He’s got a good personality that many heroes, young and old, admire greatly. It would be a great disservice to the the hero world.

So Nightwing joins the Justice Leauge.

Boom, immediately everyone feels like something is wrong. Nightwing is a legend of his own in the superhero community, just like Batman. Obviously, the League figured the only two unpowered humans in the team would get along, but this is too much

Nightwing is constantly on him. Hanging off his shoulders, playing with his fingers, draped over his lap, flipping off his shoulders??? Doing a whole acrobatic routine based on Batman’s body??? It’s strange and off putting.

Batman pretends like it’s not even happening, like he’s completely used to it.

He calls him nicknames, mocks his voice and his serious attitude, argues with him. It’s like the League has been dumped in an alternate dimension. (They’ve checked, but no… still the same dimension)

Now, something hero’s are painfully aware of is that Batman can be kinda territorial about his food. He doesn’t do jokes about trying to steal his food. He leveled Hal with such a flat stare that the man actually apologized and stayed silent for an entire lunch period

And Nightwing has grown close enough to all the main League members that he’s invited to sit at their ‘table’ for lunch. Another reason they’re suspicious of Nightwing, he voluntarily sits by Batman

Nightwing has his own food and finishes it in record speed (obvi not counting Flash) but then… he starts picking at Batman’s…?

Batman doesn’t even blink or slap his hand away. Then Nightwing opens his mouth like a baby bird waiting to be fed and… Batman feeds him??? He cuts off the best part of his steak and just pops it into Nightwing’s mouth.

Why are they both acting like this is complete normal???

Nightwing is stealing his lunches, taking snack out of his utility belt (which is just wow cause why does Batman carry so many snacks??), taking sips of his drinks or just stealing the whole thing for himself

It’s absolutely crazy

And on rare occasions, when Nightwing is eating something he doesn’t like or can’t finish, he just pushes over to Batman. And he eats it!!

The League checks again just to make sure they still haven’t been transferred to another dimension

[papayafromtv]

Tim, slightly drunk: I told you all that I lost my spleen, but I actually know exactly where it is, because Ra’s keeps it in a jar on his bedside table.

Jason, also drunk: THATS WHAT THAT IS?!?!

Tim: you’ve seen it? HOW HAVE YOU SEEN IT?!

Jason: I had to take Damian to visit Talia at the league!

Tim: AND YOU ENDED UP IN RA’S BEDROOM?

Jason: every time I go there I put an assortment of miscellaneous vegetables in his bedding to convince him he’s going insane.

Tim:

Tim: that’s actually kinda cool.

Jason: it’s the only thing that makes escourting the kid back and forth worth it.

Damian, twelve, Tim and Jason’s designated driver of the evening: I swear mother has assigned you to me like some sort of service dog, Todd.

Jason, nodding: or personal uber.

Tim: come to think of it I have seen you lay your head on him whenever you think he’s anxious-

Jason: HE SAYS IT HELPS-!

Damian: -fucking stay out of it, Drake!

Tim: aight damn

[mikeluciraphgabe]

The Batkids have the same twenty dollar bill that has been going around for like 16 years straight or something - beginning with Jason and Dick

The story goes:

Jason, 12: I bet you $20 that I can make Bruce cry without saying a word

Dick: Deal.

Jason: *walks up to Bruce and hugs with love in his eyes*

Bruce: *violently sobbing and picking Jason up*

Dick: *angrily walks by and slyly hands Jason a 20*

—

A few weeks later it’s

Dick, on a skyscraper looking down at a different one: I bet $20 that I can make this landing

(Info: this genuinely should not be possible for Plot Reasons)

Jason: okay but if you die I get to keep it

Dick: *jumps and lands it*

Jason: *sadly climbs back down to the street and hands a proud Dick the SAME $20 he earned not too long ago*

—-

This goes on between them for years - up until you know what

—-

Dick, out of habit: I bet you $20 you can’t do six front flips in a row

Tim, new and eager to please: watch me bitch

Tim: *does it perfectly - maybe with a tad bit of a waver but still*

Dick:

Dick, crying hysterically for many reasons: *hands the faithful $20 over*

—-

(For plot reasons Tim never spends it for X reason)

Steph: I bet you $20 I can make that guy over there ask for my number

Tim: okay

Steph: *comes back over after successfully getting him to ask*

Tim: *handing over the 20*

—

Cass:

Steph: oh you’re fucking on

Cass:

Steph: DAMNIT *hands $20 over*

—-

Cass:

Damian: -tt- yes obviously I can. I shall take on the bet

Damian: *wins*

Cass: >:(

—-

Damian: Thomas, I will give you a 20 dollar if you can scare Father

Duke: Hell yeah

Duke: *goes on a quest for a few days before he genuinely scares the crap out of Bruce*

Duke: GIVE ME THE $20 HOE

—

By now, it’s a very big inside joke between the bats

—

It’s Dicks turn with the $20 when it happens like the first day

Jason: hey I bet I can make Bruce cry

Dick: oh please he hasn’t since 2013

Jason: Watch me

Jason: *walks up to Bruce, says a few words, hugs him tightly, walks back over to Dick*

Jason: Wait for it…

Bruce: *wonders off and a few moments later - you hear crying*

Dick: *passes a very wrinkly and used $20*

Jason: what the hell is this? The routing number has been out of rotation for years

Dick: oh it’s the same one that we used back when we made stupid bets - it’s been around the family

Jason:

Jason: *definitely not crying*

—-

Anyway; the reason I made this post was cuz of this headcanon

The bat siblings might have a $20 bill but there’s a 75% chance they won’t give it to you because “oh it’s not spending money”

“(Bat) YOU’RE A MULTIBILLIONAIRE”

“I know but this one is special-“

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

Jason genuinely thanks people who tell him they love him. it catches people off guard bc he doesn't say "love you too" he says "thank you" and at first it sounds kind of cocky until they look at his face he has the most sincere and heartbreaking expression on planet earth, like the words really aren't something he's used to hearing, and to be the object of someone's love is like an immense occasion for gratitude. he says thank you like he's acknowledging that he's not easy to love, and that it's WORK, that it's some troublesome chore. Meanwhile, the person who said I love you is like: "bby NO--"

Jason seeing himself as high maintenance bc so many people make him feel like a burden. But the friends who genuinely love and accept him are like "could you be a bit more needy? we want to take care of you. can you need us? can you ask us for help? can you bother us? burden us please." (bc jason's version of being high maintenance is asking for the bare minimum of care)

I can just picture it so clearly. Roy or someone just being like "no I care because I love you." and Jason's like "that's a shit ton of work. are you sure?" and after seven consecutive months of self sabotage in the friendship, Roy says it again, "I care bc I love you" and Jason is finally like 'well he hasn't left yet... so something about this must be true and if it is... God Roy doesn't deserve the headache I am' and all he can say back is "thank you" like it comes from the depths of his heart.

and Roy is like, on the verge of tears: "WHY ARE YOU THANKING ME LIKE IM FULFILLING SOME TASK??" and Jason's like "??? are you not???"

@prlssprfctn <- this was cooked up in the chat between us lol

[chaoticbatfam]

jason todd as my experience getting glasses:

Jason: *leans over to tim* what does that billboard say? tim: tim: damn, you blind as fuck jason: DID I ASK FOR THE SASS OR THE FUCKING BILLBOARD

jason: i can't find the paprika- alfred: it's right there, master jason stephanie: do you need your eyes checked? jason: i made an appointment seven months ago and it's still gonna be like five weeks from now stephL: i guess you're . . . . jason: don't you fucking say it, blondie steph: *whispers* blind as a bat jason: *running at her* im going to kill you

jason: what does that say? bruce: *frowns* you can't read that? jason: no i can im just asking---OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT

bruce: hey can you read that menu for damian, he's too short to see it jason: no i can't bruce: why not? tim: he's a blind old man jason: and people wonder why i tried to blow all y'all up

jason: i knew my years of obsessively reading no matter the light source or proximity to my face would simeday bite me in the ass. but i really thought it would be like, me walking off a building with my nose in a book or some shit. not having my eyeballs rebel against me. bruce: this is concerning on very many levels

jason: *goes to eye appointment* doctor: so when was your last visit to the eye doctor? jason: jason: um. never. doctor: . . . and, uh, regular doctor? do you have any paperwork from that at least? jason: *laughs* no. doctor: . . . birth certificate? jason: what do i look like, an adult? doctor: *staring up at the brick powerhouse in front of him* . . . yes? jason: *slaps knee* that's a good one. hang on, lemme call my brother. he can probably help seeing as when i was recently dead he was the one that filed all my paperwork and kept my birth certificate and all that shit. doctor: *having an aneurysm* recently dead-

jason: *reading letters off as doctor puts them on the screen* z . . . h . . . . p . . . q? . . . r . . . doctor: *winces* jason: you know i can still see your face right doctor: jason: why are we even doing this. im 100% sure i need the fucking glasses.

jason: *texting roy later* guess who's eyes worked just enough to see the supresssed winces on the doctors faces as they read off every other letter incorrectly roy: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH jason: your lack of sympathy is appalling

jason: *sends photo of himself in new glasses* roy: you're giving off . . . librarian in small town who knows everyone and their grandmother's grandmother but when asked not a single person in the town could tell your name jason: that was better than literally any other compliment anyone could have given me and i love you forever

jason: *walsk in wearing glasses* tim: ooooooooooo nerd jason: i hate this family