i'm not an organism. i'm your friend.

boiling me in hot oil

[chromaticabrasions]

i keep a little poison pill in my ring just in case im captured by the enemy but i cant dry swallow so i also wear a vial of a single sip of water

[heavenslittlemachine-deactivate]

wha if instead of jimmy falon his name was jimmy talon and he was a great and terrible bird

[nacht---hexe]

perverts

[pseudosoviet-deactivated2025060]

[iwannabeaswampwitch]

Lots of drama in our household

[subaru-copilot]

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

[tabloidsores]

Two dudes in my group chat have been playing league & slowly but surely have shifted from saying "wanna play league of legends" to "wanna play some geego legends". At this point their average post is just @ing the other and going "geegogagand?" and I feel insane

[tabloidsores]

What is going on

[aidashakur]

its too cold for you to pull out

[notatzimisce]

"Centipedes don't fuck" is one of my favorite animal facts. There are plenty of sexually reproducing animals that don't fuck per se (like a lot of fish) but centipedes don't even meet. Males just leave sperm packets lying on the fucking ground and females pick them up and take them home. They don't even hang out

[hannahp0calypse]

[1percentcharge]

[hamlindigo]

This picture is making me nauseous .

[hamlindigo]

[monstrous-divinity]

michelle's soft estrogenized lemonade

[charl0ttan]

bread aisle smell has me acting rambunctious

[ntrider]

princess that says "do it or I'm killing myself" after every order

[johnnycrass]

sorry i dont find #joy in #homemaking or the #hearth or any shit like that i find joy in being paid and spending 126$ at a restaurant and thee liquor store

[fallingtowers]

paul atreides get your country ass over here my momma says you been in the desert riding a worm as big as a damn bus

[chicken-delight]

i have tested positive for tzatziki