idk man i just exist

broke ass college student fueled by spite and sugar. i rb funny shit that comes onto my dash. icon found by a friend (idk where) header made by me in that dumb lil retro wave text thing.

[importantcatpics]

[drtanner]

The whole photo is gold but I especially like that the automated feeder is taped to the fucking floor.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

wtf this is MY timeloop u can't be in here

[ailithnight]

Yeah, yeah. You said that last loop.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

and I'll say it again get the FUCK OUTTA MY LOOP!!!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

when fictional creatures are characterized as having superhuman agility (e.g. some versions of vampires) i think they should also canonically have flabby skin. "this species has catlike predator traits" ok now give it catlike baggy skin for flexibility. make its tummy jiggle like a slinky

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this website feels like home

[homunculus-argument]

Day 191/365 of listing something good I saw today:

My boyfriend successfully completed the miniature he has spent a whole week working on, and it's gorgeous.

[homunculus-argument]

BEHOLD:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the meaning of life? is to make your bedroom as comfy as possible. that's it that's the purpose

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the secondary purpose is to equip your kitchen and get really really really into international cuisine

[homunculus-argument]

If I ever ran a coffee shop or any other such establishment, I'd have a system of employee discount privileges for rewards for good work and special occasions, including getting one for their birthday each year. Not a discount on the product, they get that one anyway, but having one workday where they're granted the power to arbitrarily give any customer a 20% discount with no limit. They can cash it in at any point, not required to work on your birthday in order to get it. It is entirely allowed to decide to use your Discount Privileges three months after your birthday because you woke up in a bad mood and decide to use it for evil. I don't know how you would, but it's allowed anyway.

Once you've announced you're using your discount privileges today, it's out of my hands. You can decide you're giving a discount to all your friends. Give it to everyone who has a cool haircut or nice tattoo. Anyone who looks like they're having a bad day. Rude customer? Nothing prevents you from going "ok everyone here gets a discount except this guy in particular." Fuck that guy.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

heard someone say "who even owns a rolling pin anymore" and my brain froze trying to process it. what does that mean. are u implying rolling pins are outdated technology? did we come up with a shiny new 21st century method of flattening dough of which i remain uninformed? is there now an app on the app store people are using instead??? im losing my mind "who even owns a rolling pin" people who BAKE

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#kneadless comment

[homunculus-argument]

If Ratatouille mechanics were real, there would be a whole market of businesses offering the services of operating rats to people who want them, and it'd be like how bees produce honey. People in the rat business would be so exhausted of having to explain over and over again that no, the rats aren't being exploited. If the rats didn't like how they're being treated, they would simply not return. There's no goddamn way to force a rat to be so passionate about playing the saxophone that they'll figure out how to puppeteer a human to do it for them. All that the business does is finding a way to put that specific rat in the hair of someone who's about to go on stage.

[terrie01]

The rats 100% think the businesses are being run for their benefit and worry about the humans being exploited.

[homunculus-argument]

A rat manager who is a rat and deals on their end of the deal is exhausted of having to explain over and over again that look, an average fully grown adult human being is like 200 times your weight, their hands are very fast and they can throw things better than you want to imagine. If one of them things didn't want you in their hair, you're not going to stay there for long. You'd be yote out the window in two seconds flat.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

BREAKFAST

[teaboot]

I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you

[teaboot]

I grew up before the term 'thigh gap' was invented I grew up before 'hip dip' was invented I was born before 'muffin top' was a thing before 'clean girl look' was a thing before 'glass skin' was a thing before razoring off peach fuzz was a thing and I'm so so so fucking tired of us inventing new concepts purely for the purpose of convincing people to hate their own bodies enough to buy products

[teaboot]

Last time Tuberculosis ran through the USA a small number of people got it on purpose to look skinny and waifish and delicate and used makeup to look flushed and bony and when the Victorians figured out tapeworms people would infect themselves on purpose to starve themselves smaller and women and now in the year of our lord 2026 there is a noticeable fraction of the USAmerican population genuinely thrilled about a treatment-resistant microbial parasite that makes you shit and vomit your brains out for a month because side effects include weight loss and STILL we talk about being skinny like it's the natural default setting for all healthy people as if it's a self-sustaining standard and not an imaginary goal that we are constantly constantly constantly beating ourselves with a whip to acheive

[indigobuntings]

I can't believe home depot literally produced a wildly successful science fiction musical and we all just pretend it didn't happen. on one hand yes it had a boring white guy main character but like.... home depot just... Made it? And it had shit ton of box office sales? and no one even talks about this. this is like avatar (2009) all over again

[indigobuntings]

OK so. After a lot of frantic googling I realized this was all a dream. home depot did not in fact produce a wildly successful science fiction musical. I was on allergy meds and took a nap and my brain simply prophesized this. slightly disappointed because I wanted to watch it.

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[only-tiktoks]

[devantnuit-ladeluge]

[cryoverkiltmilk]

The absolute contempt for these locks is palpable.

[turochamp]

dreamt that i went to a car dealership and Light Yagami and L were there and I saw L first so I went "woah are you L death note?" and L went "L what?" and light went " L WHAT."

[uglygirlstatus]

sorry I had to draw this

[cipheramnesia]

Actually the real reason I transitioned was because my parents joked so many times about returning me to the child store I decided to void the warranty.

[cipheramnesia]

Actually the real reason I transitioned was my dad complained about women in golf so much I knew it was a sure fire way to make him stop trying to teach me golf.

[cipheramnesia]

Actually the real reason I transitioned was because I'm really supportive of my wife but I wanted to make shopping for their tampons feel less awkward.

[cipheramnesia]

Actually the real reason I transitioned was to prove to a point about the ending of the Scottish play to my 8th grade English teacher.

[cipheramnesia]

Actually the real reason I transitioned was because slutty shorts for men went out of style and I couldn't give them up.

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

Have you considered doing standup comedy?

[cipheramnesia]

I prefer to sit.

[fanfic-obsessed]

Well then have you considered sit down comedy?

[cipheramnesia]

For sure, every time I stand up for open mic night, they says to me "sit back down."

[mochinohana]

This feels like a fun alternative to "do you want to know how I got these scars?"

[cipheramnesia]

I very much also have scars, but everyone knows I got them in an explosion.

[robotdwarf]

The explosion blew my tits clear off

[cipheramnesia]

Mine stayed in the same place, but the skin on my arms melted.

[plague-vulture]

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

[magicratfingers]

desperately want to draw want nothing less than to be drawing

[magicratfingers]

this is how many pillows I want

[quintuplequay]

Where does the you go. In this scenario

[magicratfingers]

? what do u mean

[batbetbitbotbut]

Ah another fan of the classic children's roleplay, "neolithic burial"

[magicratfingers]

yeah u get it

[dogpuppy]