Psychoanalysing Myself On Tumblr @nowimgettingbetter - Tumblr Blog

Unpopular opinion:

Stop saying you hate straight white girls. Stop saying you hate popular girls. Stop saying you hate girls.

Most people who say stuff like "I hate straight white cis women" are just trying to see how many adjectives they need to tack on before "I hate women" becomes socially acceptable

Its not. It isn't socially acceptable.

Also, if you're a man saying this in front of your friends who are diverse women, that doesn't make it acceptable either. I had a guy tell me he hates straight white girls, and when I called him out he said it's fine because I'm not one of them. It's not fine. I am one of them, I'm still a woman, stop shitting on us.

stochastique-blog

false

nowimgettingbetter

How did you even find this post? What prompted you to dig up a post from years ago I don't remember writing to be a hater?

Anyways I'm gay now and unironically being sexist still isn't funny

homunculus-argument

Hey btw, here's a piece of life advice:

If you know what you'd have to do to solve a problem, but you just don't want to do it, your main problem isn't the problem itself. Your problem is figuring out how to get yourself to do the solution.

If your problem is not eating enough vegetables, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make vegetables stop being yucky". If your problem is not getting enough exercise, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make exercise stop sucking ass". You're not supposed to just be doing things that are awful and suck all the time forever, you're supposed to figure out how to make it stop being so awful all the time.

I used to hate wearing sunscreen because it's sticky and slimy and disgusting and it feels bad and it smells bad, so I neglected to wear it even if I needed to. Then I found one that isn't like that, and doesn't smell and feel gross. Problem solved.

There is no correct way to live that's just supposed to suck and feel bad all the time. You're allowed to figure out how to make it not suck so bad.

headspace-hotel

maybe a better question to ask is whether we SHOULD

nowimgettingbetter

On a related note, it seems ADHD drugs are tested on traumatized gerbils

max1461

I moral lesson I wish literally everybody would learn is this: the very same actions that keep you safe when you are powerless can be abusive when you hold power over someone. The difference between resisting subjugation and subjugating others is often more a matter of context than anything else. And when context changes, it can be hard to relearn one's behavior—it requires an active effort. Probably all of us have hurt others needlessly, in some way or another, by doing things out of a reactive instinct for self-preservation. Probably all of us have been hurt by others, sometimes very deeply, when they were acting out of the same instinct.

I don't like speaking about ethics in the language of blame, but insofar as blame is a coherent notion to begin with, I'll say this: neither is anyone evil for the failure to fully rework themselves and free themselves of bad habit after struggle, nor does the difficulty of reworking oneself excuse the abuse of others. Nor, though we may wish otherwise, is it always epistemically possible to our own actions with confidence in one camp or the other. We can only do our best to treat others well and at the same time ourselves, though it is often not clear how.

canadianwheatpirates

I was thinking of adding an example and was browsing the tags, and saw you ask for one, so here:

My mother was raised by two actively abusive parents. One of the things they did to her was classic gaslighting -- not only refusing to listen to her and lying to her, but doing so in a way that undermined her sense of reality and trust in her own memory.

The defense mechanism she developed to deal with that was an extremely staunch belief that her memory was the correct one. In particular, she would always say "that didn't happen" rather than "I don't remember that", because that protected her from other people from taking advantage of her not remembering. This was helpful when she was being abused, because it helped her resist being lied to and manipulated.

The problem is that she kept doing this once she got out of her abusive home, and specifically that she kept doing it once she had me -- a child she had power over. When you respond to any disagreement of memory between you and your child with "that didn't happen", you are training your child not to trust their memory.

I usually don't call this gaslighting because it wasn't intentional, but it had basically the same effect; by the time I was a teenager, any time someone disagreed with my memory of events I would immediately believe them, no matter how much I disagreed. The defense mechanism she had created to protect herself from being abused created the same effect on me as her original abuse did on her.

h3avylove-deactivated20150526

becoming an adult cheat sheet!

learn to coupon

what to do when you can’t afford therapy

cleaning your bathroom

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

stress management

quick fix meals

find out if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

resume workshop

organize your closet

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

what you should bring to a doctor’s appointment

what’s a mortgage?

how to pick a health insurance plan

hotlines list

your first gynecology appointment

what to do if the cops pull you over

things to have in your car in case of emergency

my moving out masterpost

how to make friends as an adult (video)

how to do taxes (video)

recommended reads for surviving adulthood (video)

change a flat tire (video)

how to do laundry (video)

opening a bank account (video)

laundry cheat sheet

recipes masterpost

tricks to help you sleep more

what the fuck should you make for dinner?

where should you go for drinks?

alcohol: know your limits

easy makeup tips

find seat maps for your flight

self-defense tips

prevent hangovers

workout masterpost

how to write a check

career builder

browse careers

birth control information

financial management software & app (free)

my mental health masterpost

my college applications masterpost

how to jumpstart a car

sex ed masterpost

sirflodgypodgy

reblogging for whomever needs it

hunter-rodrigez

Accessibility tip:

If you want to automate your home a bit, but you don't want any "smart" tech, you can just buy remote controlled power sockets instead

They are a lot cheaper and easier to set up and use than some home automation smart tech nonsense

They don't need an app (but some models come with optional apps and there are apps that are compatible with most of these)

Many of them use the 433mhz frequency to communicate, which makes most models compatible with each other, even if they are from different manufacturers

The tech has been around for a long time and will be around for a long time to come

You don't have to put any fucking corporate listening devices like an amazon echo in your home

Models for outdoors exist as well

bisexualbaker

[Image: Five electrical outlet enhancers accompanied by two remotes; each of the remotes has ten buttons: Two for each outlet (one on, one off).]

ofwordsandwaltzes

Cannot express enough my love for these. My entire apartment is on five circuits, controlled by two duplicate remotes. I can turn off the living room lights from my bed, if I forget, without getting up. And no apps needing so nothing to hack or spy on you.

so1987-deactivated20230102

who’s gonna tell tumblr that executive dysfunction is more than Not Doing Things?

so1987-deactivated20230102

okay

these are the executive functions. impairment of these functions is executive dysfunction

dailypattondoodles

Oh.

lurlur

Girl, help. None of my executives are functioning

firstfullmoon

Hanif Abdurraqib, in “Why this poet sees grief as its own kind of spiritual practice”

nowimgettingbetter

Reposting, glad to see it's making the rounds again

fourlokototallandscaping

A few months back, I read about a study that found that people who were told to regularly think about things they’re grateful for reported significantly improved physical and mental well-being at the end of the study. So I started going for a walk every day before work and making myself come up with 5 things that I’m grateful for. And I know it sounds like the most cornball shit ever, but it has fundamentally changed my brain chemistry.

I was aware that I was becoming a little bit too much of a sarcastic little hater before I started this experiment. Now I am almost startled to catch myself saying shit like, “Wow, look at the flowers on that tree, I am so grateful I decided to walk this way,” unironically, completely unprompted, and outside of the specific time in the day when I do the gratitude practice. I’ve rewired my brain to look for things to be grateful for, and so I look around me more and find more of them, which makes me feel happier, which makes me find even more good things.

For the record, I’m not saying, “Only think positive thoughts! No bad vibes!” Toxic positivity is probably about as unhealthy as only thinking negative thoughts. Sometimes shit does just suck. I’m not telling you to be grateful for the bad things around you. Being a sarcastic little hater definitely has its place. But setting aside like 2 minutes per day to come up with 5 things you’re grateful for will genuinely improve your outlook. It doesn’t have to be big stuff—sometimes the best I can manage is simple shit like, “I’m grateful that zippers were invented,” but even that forces me to be in the present moment and deepens my appreciation of the world around me. Try it, even if you have to do it badly or sarcastically at first. Even if you only do it so that you can come back and tell me I’m wrong in 3 months. Set a daily alarm on your phone and give it a try.

stele3

I am both.

stele3

#one weird counterintuitive aspect of being asexual #is that im more open to kinky or weird shit #im not HAVING kinky or weird sex it's all theoretical

Hey @rosierugosa I hope it’s okay that I stole your tags because YES.

Because sexual desire is so weird and alien to me, personally, I find myself more accepting of weird and alien sex: I’m definitely not a monsterfucker in that I don’t wanna fuck the monster, but I fully accept and respect all monsterfucking because hey, sex in general -- straight, gay, or otherwise! -- is already so weird to me. Wanting to fuck Chad McDude down the street is just as strange to me as wanting to fuck the mothman. So my attitude is...go for it, I guess! Here’s a water bottle.

houseofglass

*pulls a water bottle from the cooler*

I never thought of it that way, but yeah. As a teen I was mystified at how anyone would just want to have sex with someone, like that was the goal. I understood getting off, sure, but to want to with the guy in chem class because he’s hot? Weird.

*hands over the water bottle*

Anyway, to each their own.

stele3

*gets out some orange slices*

And like, reducing hypersexuality in the queer community is an important conversation. We are more than our sexualities, all of us! Asexuals know that better than anyone. As such we should absolutely have spaces in our community where sex is de-emphasized. But for many people in the world sex is a natural part of their lives and what has, in the past, set the queer community apart is frank and open discussion of sexuality instead of shame. We should be trying to help the straight world adopt that frank openness instead of trying to assimilate into shame.

*restocks the lube counter*

lastoneout

*shows up 15 minutes late with a cooler full of gatorade*

Also don't forget about sex neutral and sex favorable asexuals! Asexuality, like most things, is a spectrum, and we tend to get left out of discussions regarding asexuality or boiled down to gotchas regarding ace people being in relationships with non-asexuals, but we exist and aren't any less asexual because of our decision(whatever the reasoning behind it may be) to have sex!

We are also just as tired of asexuality being used as a scapegoat for attacking kink in the queer community, since that attitude not only is bigoted bs, but it hinges on the assumption that ace people who have and enjoy sex just don't exist, which, news flash, we do!

Plus a lot of us are very kinky, just sayin', so when you support sex and kink as a natural part of the queer experience you're not just helping your fellow queer allosexuals, you're helping people within the asexual community as well!

Anyway there really are tons of reasons ace people understand why we shouldn't police what people do in the bedroom, and ace people across the spectrum don't want to nor should be used as a cover for anti-kink bullshit. It hurts us just as much as it hurts everyone else.

*passes out cups*

teaboot

I've literally worked for a bdsm club

showerthoughtsofficial

Your future self is hating you for the poor decisions you’re making today.

soupcowboy

bold of you to assume current me isnt also hating myself for making the decisions that i am making

duamuteffe

Hello, I am old and thus have a large amount of past self to think/have thought about, and I’d like you to know that your future self is looking back on your past self with mingled love and sorrow and compassion, because they know how hard you were trying and how difficult the going was. Your future self wishes they could give you a hug and tell you to keep at it. Your future self wishes they could spare you the pain of hating yourself when they know that you are trying the best you can. Your future self isn’t mad. Your future self forgives you and would like you to take as good care of yourself as you can.

gowns

this is my favorite reddit relationships post ❤️

mamoru

if “toughing it out” is some huge part of your self worth…that seems pointless.

someone who says they value toughing it out to me is saying “I love letting problems fester!”

finding purpose in life is great but finding purpose by suffering on purpose is. not a productive way to do that.

if suffering is optional you should probably consider choosing to not do that. there is nothing noble about suffering on purpose and there is extra nothing noble about expecting other people to also want to suffer on purpose when there are ways to avoid it

lifeafterpsychiatry

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

lifeafterpsychiatry

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

lifeafterpsychiatry

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

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