Melancholy Melody, Melancholy Words @null-tower - Tumblr Blog

One time I brought one of my rocks with me on a plane to touch to calm me down during the flight, but it fell out of my pocket on my way back to the bathroom and then as soon as i realized this they actually announced “did anyone lose…… . A rock” over the loudspeaker system.

When I went up to claim it the plane man, clearly unable to throw off the shackles of his training in the procedure of asking for people’s full names and birthdates when they come to claim wallets, said “wait no, first tell me what color it is so I know it’s really yours”

He seemed to realize this was stupid directly after saying it and kind of smiled like to make it a joke but the joke was on him bc I Described the fucking rock to him for like 30 solid seconds

…anyway. that was an interaction I had once

pipistrellus

this is like the only viral post that i dont regret making at ALL

teaboot

The most difficult part of hiding a sword, I imagine, would not be in the actual hiding, but in squashing down the phenomenal urge to tell absolutely everyone that you *HAVE* a SWORD

teaboot

Me as a super cool secret agent: (leaning in to a stranger on the bus) hey I bet you can't guess how many awesome knives I have right now

teaboot

(In my head) Don't tell them you're an assassin. Don't them you're an assassin. Killing people is bad. Don't tell anyone you're an assassin

(Out loud) Hey does anybody want to see a dead senator

teaboot

ITS BEEN THREE YEARS AND I SWITCHED COMPANIES SO I CAN FINALLY TELL THIS STORY

Okay so I was site security, right? And I was assigned two splits in my regular shift, all at different locations (which was, essentially, working 12.5 hours a day and only getting paid for 8, which I do not recommend) and on TOP of that I was also swinging a part-time position, so I was usually on about 6 hours of sleep and zero brain function

And I'm in between one location and another (by bus, because I cannot drive) when I realize OH FUCK ITS MY BEST FRIENDS BACHELORETTE PARTY TOMORROW

By the time I get off work everything will be closed and there will be no time in the morning, so I getcoff my bus a couple stops early and figure hey, pawn shops have cool weird shit, right? Great place for a neat gift, right?

And I walk in with just my backpack and my umbrella and proceed to buy a sword

And THEN i realize that it is about fifteen minutes until I'm due to punch in, and I have no time to stop by my place, and I'm a UNIFORM SECURITY GUARD, and I'm not allowed a fucking POCKET KNIFE and I'm about to bring a goddamn SWORD into a government building

So I just kinda. Jam one end into my umbrella and tie it to my backpack.

And it works. Nobody looks twice.

But for a solid four and a half hour I was stuck on patrol with a building full of very nice people making casual and professional small talk while I'm internally white-knuckling the insane urge to tell every person who comes up to me that HEY GUESS WHAT I SNUCK A SWORD INTO WORK DO YOU WANNA SEE IT

I did manage to keep a lid on it and get out consequence-free and the bride-to-be seemed delighted so it all ended up fine anyways, but still

(The hole in physical security was managed later.)

macguffin

friendship arbitration

queer-as-city-folk

Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from

fearthefuzzybear

our beautiful rail line... (so far)

ruinedchildhood

cabybapa

istandonsnowpiles

Just realized that this is at the AMC Lincoln Square IMAX, which is the largest IMAX screen in the country. This person is in for the worst possible time

swamplevel

had a dream i posted a poll to this blog that was like 'DECIDE MY FUTURE' and the options were 'banishment' 'beheading' 'sent to sea' 'become medieval reenactor' 'titanic' and i was out front trying to desperately rally for being sent to sea when everyone kept voting beheading

alexilulu

DECIDE HER FUTURE

Banishment

Beheading

Sent to Sea

Become Medieval Reenactor

Titanic

Tarred and Feathered

Stockade

Assigned Jester

Diogenes

Forced to Be King

Voting ended onMar 22, 2024

swamplevel

dude

alexilulu

Pvp enabled website baby

alexilulu

Vote in my poll boy

hobbies306540111

Scream

dr-retard

"I completely changed the recipe and it turned bad. This means the recipe is bad. Two stars."

mothmansballsack

Please I'm begging you all to follow r/ididnthavetheeggs it's all just posts like this please

agoddamnedrayofsunshine

r/ididn'thaveeggs link for the interested:

r/ididnthaveeggs: Reviews by people who don't follow a recipe and then complain that it sucks.

jacketslutjayse

Adding some more quality replies from the rbs so they're all in one chain

justletmeremember

my personal favorite:

making egg tarts without eggs is....a choice. sometimes one just has to acknowledge that a banana isn't an egg, indeed.

myjetpack

a cartoon for the guardian

maculategiraffe

one thing that's great about the song of ice and fire books is the way nobody ever knows what the fuck is going on. like somebody in a bar will be like "long live good king renly!" and somebody else will be like "oh he died. like a month ago. yeah lady catelyn stark stabbed him" and somebody else will be like "actually I heard he was stabbed by a shadow his brother fathered on a priestess" and a fourth person will be like "wait didn't renly literally just win the battle of king's landing last week" and then they're all like "well, whatever. long live good king whoever it is now. next round's on me"

maculategiraffe

the funniest one to me was when catelyn was having a sit down with stannis and renly and stannis was like "renly I don't care how cute you are, you are not the rightful heir 😤" and catelyn was like "um... neither are you? joffrey is next in the line of succession? we're all rebels here?" and stannis is like 👀 and renly is like "lol bro guess she didn't get your raven memo about all of cersei's kids being incest bastards" and catelyn is like "cersei's kids being what now"