ITS BEEN THREE YEARS AND I SWITCHED COMPANIES SO I CAN FINALLY TELL THIS STORY
Okay so I was site security, right? And I was assigned two splits in my regular shift, all at different locations (which was, essentially, working 12.5 hours a day and only getting paid for 8, which I do not recommend) and on TOP of that I was also swinging a part-time position, so I was usually on about 6 hours of sleep and zero brain function
And I'm in between one location and another (by bus, because I cannot drive) when I realize OH FUCK ITS MY BEST FRIENDS BACHELORETTE PARTY TOMORROW
By the time I get off work everything will be closed and there will be no time in the morning, so I getcoff my bus a couple stops early and figure hey, pawn shops have cool weird shit, right? Great place for a neat gift, right?
And I walk in with just my backpack and my umbrella and proceed to buy a sword
And THEN i realize that it is about fifteen minutes until I'm due to punch in, and I have no time to stop by my place, and I'm a UNIFORM SECURITY GUARD, and I'm not allowed a fucking POCKET KNIFE and I'm about to bring a goddamn SWORD into a government building
So I just kinda. Jam one end into my umbrella and tie it to my backpack.
And it works. Nobody looks twice.
But for a solid four and a half hour I was stuck on patrol with a building full of very nice people making casual and professional small talk while I'm internally white-knuckling the insane urge to tell every person who comes up to me that HEY GUESS WHAT I SNUCK A SWORD INTO WORK DO YOU WANNA SEE IT
I did manage to keep a lid on it and get out consequence-free and the bride-to-be seemed delighted so it all ended up fine anyways, but still
(The hole in physical security was managed later.)
