Odd Tea Cake

28|Full time protester against life itself   

[dankmemeuniversity]

[valtsv]

oh my god i almost forgot to tell you all about how, while my dad was visiting, i had an infestation of every single kind of bug in my house that hasn't been a problem before or since. like i'm not kidding i evicted so many creeping crawlies that week and couldn't for the life of me stop mosquitos from stealing my blood, but as soon as he left they vanished. and i mean, sure, there's a perfectly rational explanation, because two people make more mess than one and he has a habit of leaving the windows wide open enough to fly a jet engine through day and night, but i can't help but think how symbolically on the nose it was. the ancestral rot at the heart of my family so gothic it's got ants and flies buzzing around its decaying corpse.

[valtsv]

hey so update but i haven't been harassed by a single freaky little beast since my dad left even after leaving some crumbs on the floor as an experiment to see if they attracted any ants so i think my dad might just be bugs actually

[crisis-actor]

my retirement plan is to be found dead by the river

[hotvampireadjacent]

[nerdreamer]

[cherryhatter-deactivated2015072]

KICK THE CAN!

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.

[visibun]

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

[drtanner]

And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!

[punishedsaints]

[shadowblade8192]

do you think the people who would build a rent reducer 9000 are the same people who are building houses

[what-even-is-thiss]

It’s fascinating hearing how other people think. My dad says he has to think of a full sentence word for word before he says it whereas I don’t know what I’m gonna say until I’ve already said it.

[valtsv]

the thing about growing up with siblings in an abusive household is that ultimately you're each other's jail wardens and whipping boys and that does things to you no matter how much you sincerely love each other and understand why it happened the way it did and wish you could have been big and strong enough to save both of you

[valtsv]

it's just inevitably going to be difficult to reconcile the love you feel for the other half of a bear trap clamped around both your legs. is the thing.

[teathattast]

[bunjywunjy]

[rockabillywife]

The water fountain when you’re thirsty af is definitely a top 5 place to publicly debase yourself

[solreefs]

“oh I’m too old for stuffed animals” skill issue. sorry you can’t appreciate little creatures made to hang out with you, I on the other hand am full of joyous whimsy and therefore vastly superior.

[important-animal-images]

She is

[penandinkprincess]

while we're talking hollanov under the influence of medication (is the only one talking about it), i'm laughing about the idea of shane half-expecting ilya to just be even MORE flirty when he's high on painkillers or coming out of sedation

and instead man is AGGRESSIVELY faithful

unhand him ✋ he is MARRIED ✋ (they are literally just trying to take his vitals) hands OFF!! his husband is gorgeous and will NOT appreciate this!!! (he says this to *shane* who is trying to help him back into actual clothes)

shane has to leave to let anya out and just gets a picture from svetlana of ilya curled up in the hospital bed smiling at a full screen picture of shane on his phone. literally the only way he would chill out and relax.

[important-cat-pics]

[important-animal-images]

[penandinkprincess]

feeling unreasonably amused and fond about the idea of bb shane figuring out that timeout=having to go sit somewhere quiet and not have anyone talk to him

and thus putting HIMSELF in timeout especially at family events with a frequency that has other family members pulling yuna and david aside to be like, "he really didn't do anything wrong, he doesn't need to be in timeout. it's okay." and them having to figure out a way to explain that yeah, they know. this wasn't their call. he is free to leave whenever he wants. he's literally not in trouble for anything. he went up to yuna, said "mommy, i need a timeout" and then walked himself off to go sit in the guest room looking SO pleased at this loophole out of having to talk to people when he's tired of it.