*trash*

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[seathiing]

One of my co-workers has a standing desk that he uses sitting down. It looks like this

[astronyu]

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

when I was a little kid at some point I got upset with my parents because I didn't have a crucifix in my bedroom and they did- I was like why do YOU get to be safe from vampires??? you're okay with me getting my blood sucked???? so we took a little trip to the catholic store but the one closest to us was run by a group of nuns that had been moved here from romania. I got a little baby pink cross and this sweet old nun was like 'aww, is this a baptism gift?' and I was like no. I need to be protected from vampires. and she immediately got SO serious and was like 'this is the best one we've got, you'll definitely be safe' and since she was literally from vampire land I was convinced she was like, van helsing. like the whole time my parents had been laughing about how cute my fear was but she literally Knew dracula and was taking my concerns seriously I held this over my parents for so long lmfao

[wlwaluigi]

listen she may have just been humoring you but even my limited experience with Romanian nuns has taught me that there is one thing they are absolutely dead serious about and it is their multi-generational fear of vampires

[mxtxnet]

Happy Hanguang-June

[mircalla]

you should be able to say "line" if you don't know what to say in a social situation

[willgrahamscock]

I do not know what is happening in the 911 fandom but do you need me to call 911 for y’all

[skipaholic]

there is actually nothing more iconic than abc snatching up 911 after fox cancelled it, only for them to immediately have buck dump his girlfriend and then give him a bisexual arc. ✨

[honestlydarkprincess]

[lesbian-toddhoward]

Night in the Museum: here’s a spooky mummy!! oooh!

10 y/o me: haha he’s ugly watch

Night in the Museum: [ mummy unmasks himself to reveal a twenty-something year old Rami Malek ]

10 y/o me: 

[stupidpussy]

great post but this reads exactly like the cereal guy meme

[lesbian-toddhoward]

you broke me

[cali]

babygirl ur upset stomach is cuz chemical reaction of food in yo belly created 8 demon chariot riders and they rode off each into one cardinal + intercardinal direction to go light beacons in nightmare towers etcetera

[cryptotheism]

This is how medicine worked until like 1600

[batboybisexualism]

just found out from my dad today that when n*xon died and they did the 21-gun salute at his funeral my grandma said “they should aim at the coffin to be sure”

[larval-tear]

Apple Bottomjeans is a beautiful gname for a gnome

[irischroma]

Boots Witherfur is a joyful gname for this gnome’s friend

[margaery-tyrell]

did anyone ever tell the Backstreet Boys why

[cyberxbattalion]

[a-book-of-creatures]

Eugh! Blegh! Ptooey!

[tauremornalome]

they sure are

[foone]

Oat milk is made by milking goats and then putting the milk through a fine filter to extract all the "G"s

[monsterpotion]

I heard thats where they get the "G"s for cell phone service

[hotvampireadjacent]

[yeetboi287]

Uh oh

[beemovieerotica]

hate to say it but the key to having things solved by big company customer service is you just gotta stretch the truth with them. or straight up lie. actually. was on the phone for 3 hours because they sent something to the wrong address and spoke to 10 different departments trying to figure out if anyone could go fucking get it and they're like "uhhh but can you go get it" bitch I'm 8 hours away by car, I don't live in the house where you sent it.

took a moment to think, called back and was just like. Hi. My package was stolen off the porch!!! Saw the cunt steal it myself!! Anyway can you please send new things to this other address for free since that's your policy for stolen goods thank you~☆ ! and it was immediately solved.

[beemovieerotica]

actually my tags are too good not to include

follow me for more customer service tips and tricks

[beemovieerotica]

THIS is how it's done!!!