what is it about pussy that needs ice. like it's a match made in heaven. even if it was in the fridge before i still pour it over ice
so i meant, and fully thought i typed, pepsi
Cosimo Galluzzi

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we're not kids anymore.
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@ohitsmono
what is it about pussy that needs ice. like it's a match made in heaven. even if it was in the fridge before i still pour it over ice
so i meant, and fully thought i typed, pepsi
It belongs in a museum,I think
This is utterly fabulous!
I was waiting to see what kind of joke/meme this dramatic and artistic video turned out to be AND I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED
it's not natural for candy to be $3.49. candy is supposed to be one dollar
candy should cost a nickel and we should all wear little propeller hats when we eat it
local woman who claimed she will "cross that bridge when she comes to it" arrives at said bridge
reports are coming in that she is now burning said bridge
about to display some incredible feats of human strength (change my duvet cover)
aauuauauuuhahauaauhahHh euehhgah gweyeyhhhhhahhh nnnhnmnggjannm
Imagine showing up to work one day and people are like "jesus fucking christ there's a corpse in here", herd you to the back room and everyone who sees you also agrees that there is now a dead body where you are sitting, with the appropriate amount of shock and disgust about it. You figure it's some kind of a prank that they're pulling, but also the people that you know aren't into pranks, or aren't very good actors, are treating you like a corpse. They go weirdly back and forth between talking about you as if you're not there, and politely asking you to stay still while they figure out who you're supposed to call in case of a dead body randomly appearing.
Paramedics show up, study you thoroughly and agree that while they can't see any apparent sign of death, you are, indeed, dead, and ask you to climb aboard the ambulance. You're taken to the temporary corpse storage that hospitals have.
On the way there you ask them whether this kind of shit happens often, and while they won't look at you, the paramedics agree that they've never had a talking corpse before, though they won't question the fact that you're moving on your own.
You're eventually led to a morgue, where you're shown a slab to lay on, and at this point you don't really even question it, you just climb onto the Corpse Shelf and lay down, maybe have a little nap, with no idea what's going to happen next.
Then you wake up to someone walking into the morgue, who has the shit scared out of them when you move, and they're like "dude what the fuck, you're not supposed to be here, this place is for storing dead bodies" and when you're like "aw man sorry I thought I was a dead body" they have no idea whether you're joking and they don't care, you're just chased out of there.
And you just kinda go home and take a shower, show up to work normally the next day and nobody questions it.
And basically that's probably how those ants feel when scientists spray them with the Pheromone That Dead Ants Smell Like, and just hang out at the dead-ant-pile until the smell wears off.
I was waiting to find out what social issue this was going to be a metaphor for, so that ending really punched me in the face.
This new kafka story goes hard
sending "?" to represent myself tilting my head like a dog
sending "!" to represent myself perking up w/ my ears/tail like a dog that just saw you grab the leash
It costs more money to hurt the homeless than to fix homelessnerss.
It costs more money to hurt the homeless than to fix homelessness.
the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable