this is a blog run by a programmed system, for programmed experiences. this includes systems, singlets, etc, as long as it's programmed.
programming can include ramcoa/oea, but we are referring specifically to itbc/tbmc.
FAQ:
Q: "how do i know if im programmed" / "is there a diagnosis checklist"
A: you can't know for 100% certainty, it would be nice if you could; but you just can't. There is no sure-fire way to tell if you're programmed other than looking into your system function & see if there's any intense conditioning— but that looks different for everyone ! And looking into that can be very unsafe !
Q: "does [x] count as programming" / "can i be programmed from [x]"
A: possibly. I dont know all the intricacies of your experiences, so i can't give a blanket answer ! Nor do i feel comfortable saying definitively what you have or haven't experienced.
Q: "im questioning programming, can i send an ask/interact ?"
A: yes.
< mod & blog info under the cut >
< intro >
this blog is run by a (programmed) side system in a programmed system. for our safety, we will not be specifying who we are .
please only refer to us as "♠️" using it/its pronouns & computer/robot based terms .
< byi >
the blog goes on hiatus sometimes due to not being able to come here without triggering things internally . askbox will remain open usually , though .
Please don't treat us as an authority on the subject of programming/itbc/tbmc ! im happy to answer asks, but please remember i am one guy with opinions based on research & personal experiences, and anecdotal experiences
please properly tw triggering asks, don't censor the tw AT ALL. anon sign offs are completely welcome :> just let us know if it changes. please don't go into detail about trauma, programming triggers, system details, ANY OF THAT- even if you're on anon; i will not post it for your safety. also, typing quirks are fine, just provide translations before your ask please. i will tag asks mentioning having OSDDID, using we/us/our, & similar as "programmed system culture"; and asks not implying plurality as "programmed culture".
< dni >
T.R.A.S.H., under 14, transprogrammed/transramcoa, non programmed singlets & systems (you may interact- just dont send asks), if your blog centers around images of sh/ed/nsfw, kink blogs, people who think this is a conspiracy theory/people are faking, anti self dx.
Programmed culture is one of our child parts who was a recruiter keeps fronting at work and having panic attacks over ANY mistake to the point of self harm to self punish. Girl our job doesnt even have benefits chill.
Hello everyone, i'd like to update yall on the future of the blog.
We're gonna be moving this to a new blog (same url, hopefully) just to help our privacy and safety, and to hopefully manage this blog better.
Now, i understand this may raise some concerns; the first thing that came to mind for me was all the current submissions and posts. We will be backing everything up, and reposting it onto the new blog (asks will have a specific format). But while we get the new blog up and running, and sort everything out, we will be closing the inbox here (and not posting anything else), and the blog will be functionally closed.
Thank you all for your patience with me and this blog, it means a lot to me.
Programmed culture is having the beliefs of your handlers instilled into you at a young age, and now having to actively think AGAINST those beliefs when they show up. Having to choose my words so carefully so I don’t accidentally say something racist or homophobic. Having to explain over and over again, I’m sorry, I swear I don’t think those things, I just can’t word things correctly sometimes. Hating myself for being queer or trans or neurodivergent. Having to hide the fact that it’s because of programming that I think these intrusive thoughts, not knowing how to explain that I am not a horrible person. And going, am I just convinced I’m absolved of the blame? What if I really am that bad? What if I think it’s the handlers fault but it’s really my own?
Programmed culture is having this intrinsic fear of talking about it. When I try to tell my therapist something and accidentally go too deep, sometimes I have to end the session early and practically run out of the building. It’s wondering constantly “what do I have to do to be okay with talking about what happened?” and it’s not being able to help thinking that if you can’t even talk about the experiences, what’s the point in healing from them? If you can’t talk about them, and even sometimes can’t even remember them, were they really that severe? Am I faking? On and on and on…
Programmed culture is discovering a side system and realising how deeply fundamentally different this is than the subsystem experience people compare it to (we have both now, apparently).
Like... there is no way we're in the same body. No way, I cant even BEGIN to imagine how this is still "us". Same brain is usually hard to imagine anyway, but even the same body is just... genuinely unfathomable to us in the main system. None of us have any knowledge or recollection AT ALL of a side system. No alters, no awareness of amnesia, the only reason we know what theyre calling themself is because we know the username they picked for all the accounts they made and we found one picture of one of them they made in an app that doesnt have separate accounts saved under the same name. Like huh.
I mean this lightheartedly but like. Whiplash much. Has anyone else felt the separation this severely... genuine question i hope we arent alone lol because it feels WEIRDDD
Programming culture is having a child part that, instead of talking about what happened, draws pictures of vague traumatic events you don't remember. It's better than any alternative, but every time she draws again, you dread looking through them.
Hi, I'm answering an anonymous question from a few days ago, regarding pedophilia.
For my safety I don't feel comfortable commenting on posts about programming in other ways than anonymously (Could the owner of this account please comment this under the post so they see it? if you feel comfortable).
START OF ANSWER: But, to the person who asked the question, have you considered this might be pOCD (pedophilia obsessive compulsive disorder)? It is a pure O (or purely obsessional) form of OCD. I think it would help you a lot to look this up, do some research into it.
Those who were subjected to child molestation and other forms of trauma actually experience these thoughts not because they want to, or because they want it so bad, but instead precisely because they have a deep hatred for it and it goes so far against their morals.
I struggle with this personally. I don't view children as sexual objects, but my abuser did for me. So something tries to keep reminding me of that, in a very trolly way because it knows it pisses me off, can scare me, etcetera. But it does so in a way that makes it look like it's just pointing out something horrible I'm doing, feeling, etcetera.
The brain tries to cope with this by reassuring itself over and over again. Coming back to the thought, in a loop (like you described) and marinating over it and analyzing it or just continuing to be tortured by it. You may try to think of reasons that you DON'T, in fact see children that way but none are convincing or stop the obsession. it's because if you feed the trolls, they escalate it. So it's best to ignore it (I know, hard).
One thing that may seem convincing that you're a pedophile is the groinal response (please look it up). It feels like arousal. But it is really happening just because you are scared. The fear at feeling like a pedophile can cause this response very fast after seeing/ thinking about a child.
Now I know this explanation might sound a bit far fetched but please research and work with yourself on this because I really think this is not what you think it is and it would do you a world of healing to realize. I don't know your situation, but in your case, it might be that resisting the obsession "feels like death" because you were programmed to feel that way when fighting against it, the very tool you had to somewhat cope.
I know it may even feel incredibly convincing that you are attracted to them, but the "trauma trolls" (or any accompanying programming to obsess), can be very crafty. They know how to make you think something is true.
But I believe in you.
"I want to add to my answer regarding pedophilia and pOCD / pure O, that your brain may reassure you either by replaying or looping the thought (I know, it sounds counterproductive), OR by resisting the thought, which in turn feeds the loop. Sorry if that wasn't clear."
Programmed culture is having your abusers push for you to be diagnosed with autism at a young age because of "bEhAviOr iSsUeS" after taking you to an abusive therapist. And getting diagnosed but weirdly not remembering the autism evaluation or an elementary teacher who said they knew you around that time, which is concerning because you have a good memory. And not discovering you were diagnosed for years. And not being able to identify with some common autistic experiences like having trouble identifying when people are flirting. And having your abusers throughout growing up just labeling any PSTD / DID / undesired reactions or behaviors as autism. And self harming for reasons you realized were not typical, and in a way that instead strongly resembles programming. And just realizing your parents are incredibly twisted.
[Start] programmed culture is everyone in my life, including all of my friends, coworkers, classmates and even my current boyfriend thinking I look older, vastly older than I am, to the point where they thought I was an adult when I was underage and were surprised to hear i wasnt, to the point where I was getting liquor menus without being carded at 14.. #re-aging trafficking [End]
Thank you for sharing, and that sounds kind of freaky. I'm sorry you have to deal with that
Here's mine:
Programmed culture is thinking for a while that your abusers lied to you about your age but not being sure.
And thinking you must be younger than you are cause you didn't get your period till 15 (but to be fair that could be as a result of disordered eating), and you never really fit in with your grade but instead hung out with the grade younger than you in high school, and your sibling who is not even 2 years older than you also acting younger than their official age, and you reaching your full height at 18 or 19 instead of 15 like most girls, and having a younger sibling who seems a lot closer to you in age than the whopping 2.5 year gap you were told, and looking at pictures from when you were a child trying to do the math, and being smarter than you should be so maybe they gave you a higher age to hide the discrepancy?, and having a very conveniently placed birthday that happens to be the same day as that of the cult leader at the time, and having at least three other siblings with birthdays either conveniently planned, or at least revised, to fall on cult significant days.
And then after figuring this out just kind of not thinking about it a lot for a while, but then stumbling on this similar post on the internet, but when you search up this kind of re-aging it's still hard to find information and other personal accounts of it happening. If anybody knows of any that would be helpful.
programmed system culture is spin + flooding programs being triggered and then you cant fucking sleep because you feel like youve been run over by a tank
Programmed culture is getting stuck in dreams (aka can't wake up even when you realise youre in a dream) about your programming and having it haunt you all day even though you can't remember any of the details
