Our Journey

Marriage can be difficult, life in general can be difficult. We are taking one step everyday to improve our marriage, strengthen our bond, and get the most out of our long life ahead. Neither of us are experts, we are still young and feeling everything out.

[ourmarriage101]

I just posted a new video on my YouTube channel, please go check it out(: sorry for the low quality video I filmed on my phone lol

[ourmarriage101]

Hey guys ! I finally posted a YouTube video!! It’s about how I got used and abused (literally) for 3 years! Go check it out (:

[ourmarriage101]

I do it to myself

I’m hurting, and I don’t know why, all I want is to be normal. I yearn for emotional stability, but am unable to successfully achieve that sense of comfort on my own. I’m hurting, not just myself but others, how do I stop it? How do I overcome myself? I’m at a battle for my life with my own mind, my heart has forgotten about me, my body has been neglected so I can spend my time focusing on all of the bad in me. I don’t see the good in myself. I yearn for my love, I yearn for my smile. I’ve taken myself hostage, and I can’t let go. I want out, but how do you get out of your own head? Pharmaceutical drugs, that’ll just numb my emotions and make me forget this battle I have? How will I ever overcome myself if I’m numb.

How will I ever be me, if me, is doing this TO me.

When will I ever get myself out?

I am a butterfly trapped in my cocoon, hyperventilating, suffering, and fighting to break free and fly off. I feel left behind. I feel abandoned. Is it my passed? I thought it didn’t matter. Did I surpass my feelings, never facing them, but pushing them deep deep down forcing them to come back up like I just ate a 21 year old piece of meat. Who am I? Who was I? Have I always had these problems? Was I distracted by the love I received or was I ignoring the facts.

I yearn for a family, but am I capable of being apart of one? Me, myself, and I find away to ruin it all. I love me? No... I don’t, I dislike who I am and it’s because of me. It’s because I’ve never come to terms with my inner demons. So much so I didn’t even think that I had any. Please Breanna let me out. You’re loved, wanted, and needed. I need you, I need me!! Please let me go. Be happy. Love yourself. It’s not over yet.

[ourmarriage101]

I’m depressed

I am depressed, I haven’t bathed, I haven’t moved, I just lay in bed on the verge of crying but I never actually let the tears fall. If I let them fall I have to get up and blow my nose or grab a tissue... I can’t get up. I can’t turn on the tv, I scroll through social media never looking at the things in front of me, just scrolling.

I am empty, I feel nothing, I’m a sorry individual. I have a husband, who I sometimes view as my worst enemy, thinking he would never understand, but never trying to reach out so he can. I love him... I think? I can’t feel. I know without him I’d go deeper then I am. I’m already at the bottom of the ocean, without him I’d dip underneath the sand, until I’m finally at earths core. I love him, I do, but when I’m alone, I’m alone, I have no one.

I need help, medical help, I cannot function as a regular person anymore.

When does this end? What does happiness even feel like...? I want to be normal.

[atraencia-deactivated20190804]

[ourmarriage101]

Can’t wait 😍😍

[ourmarriage101]

ACV

As you know, I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy in the past, and my left Fallopian tube was damaged in the process of removing the other... I think? I’ve done my research on Apple Cider Vinger, and the results were insane. Apparently acv helps tear down any scar tissue in the Fallopian tubes, and helps bring extra nutrients to them (for me it lol). Also a lot of other benifts like, helps with acne, hair growth, nail strength, and even eczema.

Wish us luck on our health journey (:

[ourmarriage101]

I’ve been busy.... kinda. I’m finding it hard to think of new blog posts! Sometimes an idea pops in my head and I forget about it! I promise a new post will be up soon for those of you who do read my blogs(:

[ourmarriage101]

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[ourmarriage101]

Me: how’s life

J: dunno, how are you?

Me: I’m alright

J: then life’s alright

[ourmarriage101]

Summer nails !!!

[ourmarriage101]

Just saw the episode where Ellen came out, and then the 20th anniversary! I’ve always respected the lgbtq+ community but like now I respect them even more!! You guys are braver then most!!!

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[breanna-lynn]

“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.”

—

Thomas Moore

[ourmarriage101]

It’s the little things!

My husband is still figuring it’s the little things that can fill me with joy, but sometimes it’s also the little things that can fill me up with anger. Don’t get me wrong it’s not just one little thing that just grinds my gears, it’s multiple things that are too mynute to waste energy on. What set me off this time was as simple as forgetting his very own laptop password, I gave mine away, so now we only have one! I get that he hasn’t used in over 4 months, I get that he isn’t good with technology, I get it.. I do. The thing is I’ve asked him to look up the password in recent messages WHICH you can in fact search for a key word above all messages, yes I explained that too him it would take 15 seconds at most! He knows the majority of the password and could easily search it.. but he doesn’t want to! It’s not important enough for him. I’ve been asking at the most convenient times, but he still gets grouchy and doesn’t want to do it, seems that it doesn’t matter when I ask either way he will get annoyed at the fact of me asking. I wouldn’t have to ask if he’d just do it, I mean, how hard is it to search a key word and tell me the passcode? I’m assuming it’s not the most difficult task in the world. It makes it seem like he doesn’t care about what’s important to me if it’s inconvenient for him. I guess I’ll be purchasing my own laptop in the near future since retrieving a password is beyond the most difficult task in the entire universe!

J when he sees my rant:

😂😂😂 disclaimer: I am no longer aggravated with my husband, it’s a new day! He’s still annoying though(:

[ourmarriage101]

Yesterday I was really motivated for today, I was going to work out and do my make up and clean up around the house... then today came and I just laid in bed all day until my husband came home....

[ourmarriage101]

YouTube?

If my husband and I made a YouTube account would anyone watch it?