Overheard at a Bar

@overheardatabar

A compendium of wit, wisdom, musings and frankly bizarre utterances that have been overheard at bars. If you've heard something strange, funny, baffling or entertaining at a bar, please email it to [email protected] We will not publish the submitter's name to protect their anonymity. var sc_project=6330325; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="48b70864";

168 posts

Posts

Do you have any cider other than apple or pear?

#er...#malt #and #hop #cider?

Viagra

First man: I'm taking viagra with me, in case the sea gets rough.

Second man: Why?

First man: Well, if you have a stiffy, you can't roll out of bed.

#viagra #cruising #unusual uses for a penis

First Man: You know the hospital?

Second Man: Yeah.

First Man: They're repainting the side of it.

Second Man: Oh.

#later #we #could #all #go #down #and #watch #it #dry

You'll be wiping condensation off your cock later.

Man at bar.

#wow #hot day #vigour #condensation

The problem with summer is that all the sweat and sun cream makes children really slippery and hard to catch.

Man at bar, talking about his own children. We hope.

“Batman…He’s like a kind-of detective.”

Eloquent man at bar delivers his florid description of the caped crusader to a friend.

#overheard #bat #man #na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na #batman

I once had a few too many on a night out and fell asleep on a pub toilet. When I woke up everything was silent and dark. I thought I'd died. After a lengthy deliberation, I concluded that I probably wasn't dead and tentatively made my way out of the toilet. I discovered I was alone in an unlit - and unfamiliar - pub. I looked out of the window to work out where I was and - reading the hanging sign - found it was a pub that I had no memory of going into. I tried the door, but it was locked. Then the alarm went off. After a frantic, and rather befuddled, search, I found a phone behind the bar and called the police to tell them that I was trapped in the pub. They said they'd contact the key-holder and come with him to let me out. By the time I was freed it was daylight. The policewoman asked if I wanted her to call my wife to let her know I was okay and explain why I was so late home. I declined.

Man at bar.

Just because it's well manicured, it doesn't mean it's a theme park.

Mind literally boggling. Never overhear things at a bar, people. It only encourages fevered speculation and imaginings about fun rides and downstairs hair.

#manicuring?#theme parks?#my head hurts

The Indian Taxi Driver Museum

Man: ...and of course, you could go to the industrial textile museum...

Woman (incredulously): THE WHAT?!?!?!

Man: The industrial textile museum.

Woman: Oh, I thought you said "the Indian taxi driver museum".