OWLS. THAT IS ALL.

jack, gay, non binary, they/them. I like dogs, owls, and nerdy things.  support my service dog campaign

[thegunlady]

bird twitter is lighting up

[satyriconmp3]

[mrfylke2001]

[mctreeleth]

I was trying to explain to my sister-in-law that I simply cannot turn on my car headlights if anyone is looking at me and she thought I was crazy.

[razzleberryjam]

Literally nothing more embarrassing than tying your shoes in public like oh look at me I'm a 5 year old because I couldn't tie my shoes tight enough to last a walk through the kroger

[official-lucifers-child]

are y’all okay

[thatqueerchoirkid]

no

[acepalindrome]

I need everyone who’s new to Critical Role/TLOVM to know this is Taliesin Jaffe (the voice of Percy) at his senior prom.

[coolthingoftheday]

The Earth at night. Photographs taken by NASA.

(Source)

[ofthemoonandsea-deactivated2019]

Get the fuck out of my face this is the coolest shit i’ve ever seen, do you realize how lucky we are to bask in the scientific capabilities of NASA? Holy fucking hell I love science

[unfortunately-awake]

[libertastandem]

[girlgrimer]

Listen all u internet goers……. I know everyone has some wild catfish stories and I need to know them

[hippocampus-studies]

okay so for legal reasons this is all a very funny joke and none of it is real I promise

basically there’s a property listing floating out there somewhere online that lists my phone number as a contact for the owner of a house in a suburb of [redacted], ohio, even though that is a town I have never lived in. about two years ago, I started getting calls and texts from people who were asking if I was interested in selling the property. when I told them no and they had the wrong number, the amount of calls increased, and I had to block their numbers. 

since then, once about every 3 months I get a call or text from people wanting to buy this house in ohio as they think I’m the owner. I got fed up at one point and just started replying “yeah I might be interested in selling, but the property I have is haunted. like super haunted. lots of ghosts everywhere, so you’ll have to get rid of those before putting it on the market.” to my delight, they stopped replying after that, so I now do that when I get these messages. 

the last time it happened was actually just a few weeks ago, and the guy texting me on behalf of this house flipping operation actually offered to pay for an exorcism. I replied by telling him I was pretty sure the ghosts were protestant, so if he brought a priest in it had better not be catholic. he has yet to reply.

[girlgrimer]

You are having literally the funniest possible reaction to an infuriating scam

[hippocampus-studies]

listen the only way to beat a scam like that is to give them a reaction that is just way more bizarre than whatever they started with. crank the bonkers energy up to an 11 and they’ll leave you alone

[justchanstuff]

[polygonfighter]

Who the fuck installed grenkle the piss goblin

[putnamspuppeteer]

why are there mirrors

[brendan-j-harkin-deactivated201]

So I can admire my piss-stream from cinematic angles befitting of its beauty. 

[redpandarascal]

“Why are there mirrors” not checking your blind spots is why so many people die in COMPLETELY preventable urinal accidents every year. I spend so much raising awareness, but sometimes I feel like I’m not even making a dent 😢

[ruimtetijd]

@were-ralph

[donnathepirana]

I turned on closed captions for the Swedish Chef and I just started weeping with laughter.

[ruinedchildhood]

[welcome-2-the-dark-20s]

[filthyprotozoan]

im such a man who leans in doorways. relaxes against the counter. drapes across a couch. sprawls over an armchair. my spine isnt straight and by god neither am i.

[smolldragon]

[cannibalchicken]

[trek-tracks]

Happy 35th birthday to The One With the Whales, the most important film of all time

[pikaole]

Me and mom learned new English word.

[pikaole]

Wow…This is probably the most famous posts on my Tumblr lol. 

This is what I drew after this situation 👇

[ampervadasz]

[biandanxious18]

By petting this cat you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not petting them on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor

[jgvfhl]

Suddenly…. E Y E S

[unsettlingstories]

What an absolute fucking badass.

[rabdoidal]

have you ever had a blueberry cupcake?

✨ kofi link in bio if you’re feeling generous ✨