Somthin' @paolo-1 - Tumblr Blog

this “bon appetit” meme has turned into some sort of bizarre telephone game where each incarnation sounds more and more different than the original. in what way does “bon appetit” sound like “osteoporosis”

lady-dainty

i don’t know but it’s cracking me up every time i even think about it

wearejustvisiting

guys guys guys

‘osteoporosis’ is a disease in which bone mass decreases

so they mean fucking

“Bone Atrophy”

hekacute-deactivated20141230

I went to high school with a kid who would only drink out of a baby bottle. He brought a large baby bottle to school every day. At first, we thought that he was using it to sneak alcohol or something, but he wasn’t. He would bring it filled with chocolate milk and then fill it up with Coca-Cola and Sprite during lunch. He’d buy a can of each and mix them together. Like I said, it was a large bottle.

I didn’t know the kid that well and I didn’t have any classes with him so I never really talked to him that much. I knew his name. His name was Kevin. Sometimes I’d see him at parties on the weekends. He still had his baby bottle. He would fill it with beer and rum.

He dated my sister’s friend, Emily, for a little while. I had known Emily for a long time. She had been a friend of my sister’s since they were five or six. They were really good friends. She spent a lot of time at our house for sleepovers and stuff. Sometimes she would pee the bed, but I never made fun of her for it. I think most older brothers would have loved the opportunity to make fun of their sister’s friend for peeing the bed and I think she really appreciated that I never mentioned it even though I definitely knew about it because after the sixth or seventh time, my parents started paying me to clean everything up instead of having to do it themselves.

I asked Emily why Kevin only ever drank out of a baby bottle and she said that she didn’t know. They had only been dating for a very short time at that point and she didn’t want to bring it up and offend him or anything. I asked her to tell me if she ever found out. They broke up right after that and I kind of forgot about it because Kevin stopped going to school. I don’t know if he transferred or dropped out, but I never saw him at lunch or any parties after that.

I hadn’t thought about him in a long time, but Emily happened to mention him while she was over at our house recently and I immediately remembered the baby bottle thing.

“Did you ever find out why he drank out of that bottle?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, he told me why,” Emily said. “He used it because he heard that babies that drink out of bottles for too long or drink sweet drinks out of them get really bad teeth problems. He wanted all of his teeth to go bad so that they would fall out and he would be able to fit a softball in his mouth. He said that he wanted to have the world record for being the first person to be able to put a whole softball in his mouth and he wouldn’t be able to do that with all of those teeth in the way.”

pluginduck

What the fuck did I just read

just-shower-thoughts

The older I get the more respect I have for the “weird kids” at school because they kept their individuality and didn’t conform with everyone else

lunarkittens

one time my friends and i got bubble tea and my one friend didn’t know abt the tapioca pearls and he took a sip and then opened his mouth and let like 9 of them roll out of his mouth and onto the floor and then whispered “what the fuck”

just-shower-thoughts

The division symbol, ÷, is just a blank fraction. You replace the dots with the numbers.

floccinaucinihilipilificationa

someone: remember when...

my forgetful ass: probably not

naturaekos

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

Ernest Hemingway (via naturaekos)

depresane

Polish fishermen have caught an old, huge wels catfish, which had eaten a bit of an SS soldier in the 1940s.

O.O

And by “a bit” I mean his head and a bit of his upper torso, since a fragmented skull, two buttons and the insignia were found inside the gigantic fish.

o.O

How does one even…? Brrr!

( @biszumletzten )

biszumletzten

thank you so much for thinking of me when you see a post about a nazi eating sea monster. :3 this has made my day. bless

lilnasxvevo

If you don’t feel like reading the article, please know that this is one of the oldest wels catfish ever caught–they usually live to be about 60, and this one was between 90 and 110 years old.

Also, I don’t know much about fish but HOLY SHIT THIS FISH IS SO BIG

I WAS LIKE “WTF HOW CAN A FISH JUST EAT A PERSON” AND THEN I SAW HOW BIG THIS FISH WAS AND I UNDERSTOOD

This fish is 187 kg which is a little over 412 lbs and I am so proud of it for eating a Nazi and being so big and strong and old I’m a little emotional rn

tikkunolamorgtfo

I am so proud of this Nazi-eating fish and I think we should make an exception to kashrut laws so that it can be turned into gefilte so that we may digest its anti-SS powers.