the reason it takes me as long as it does to do my transportation homework, is at least half of the time I spend it doing shit like this instead of the actual write-up....
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@paradife-loft
the reason it takes me as long as it does to do my transportation homework, is at least half of the time I spend it doing shit like this instead of the actual write-up....
@ body. if the whole "lights are too bright; things are better to look at without glasses i.e. lower detail resolution; brain feels like leaky pudding" deal is one of your messages trying to indicate "hungry; eat lunch"....... garbage communication. absolute garbage. relies on guesswork for interpretation and in fact makes food seem less appealing rather than more. go back to one of the other options. maybe not "lightheaded all of the sudden" due to similar unhelpful characteristics. one of the other other ones. maybe even "eating food sounds like exactly the thing I want to do right now". "starts making tons of careless mistakes in video game" is also quite parseable, if suffering from the weakness of I'm Not Always Playing A Video Game. just. something else that isn't an active obstacle to doing the thing please.
I saw an emotional regulation resource that was titled as a resource "for men" & I wanted to talk about this kind of gendering a little.
first, obviously I think it is essential that men learn to handle their emotions, because they are people, and it's everyone's responsibility to learn how to self regulate to the best of their ability. and I understand in some contexts it has utility to have emotional regulation resources presented as "for" men specifically, because on a hegemonic level men are expected to outsource managing their emotions to women and children instead of engaging in this work themselves, so general resources about self regulation are likely to be looked over by most men as not relevant or necessary for them.
but. like that is kind of the problem at the same time.
like the whole issue is men thinking they don't need to learn how to handle emotions (identifying them, processing them, expressing them, channeling them usefully, grounding themselves, addressing underlying issues, etc).
and then these kind of half-way measures that position tips as "mental health FOR MEN" "emotional regulation FOR MEN" inevitably ends up cross-pollinating with MRA style analysis where we get things like
"the MALE loneliness epidemic" (as if women do not also experience loneliness and alienation under current conditions), or
"men aren't allowed to cry" (as if women and children aren't berated and patronized for crying all the time & expected to "smile" for men), or
"men have the highest suicide rates" (implying that men are uniquely prone to being actively suicidal, glossing over that women attempt suicide more often)
which all ends up reinforcing this idea that men's emotions are bigger and more serious and urgent than anyone else's, and men need help to manage them, so "society" (women and children) must help them.
which just reproduces the exact social conditions that cause men to not learn how to manage their emotions in the first place.
A small selection of children attempting to spell the word 'velocipede' in Dear Santa letters from the 1880s/90s.
....it's very on-brand for me to like the fight with the Hollow Knight, isn't it. devs really were like, "so I hear you enjoy Artorias.... how about.... Artorias with bondage? 👀"
Something neuroscience-y that helps with prose: attention is selective. A character will not notice everything in a room. They will notice what matters to their goal, fear, desire, training, wound, or obsession. A jealous character notices hands. a hungry character notices food. A soldier notices exits. A lonely character notices pairs. Description becomes character when attention has a bias.
aaaaand I see we are RadaBeast-ing what I presume is the final boss fight. joy.
awww, fuckin'..... the ~infection~ shit is a corruption of lifeblood, isn't it. just like... comparing the look of the "vines" of it with little pulsing blobs, to the lifeblood vines that light up in the Abyss and everything.
well, either that or I'm conspiracy-string-boarding innocuous visual similarities. but tbf lifeblood as an entire concept has otherwise seemed kind of random and untethered to any of the rest of the lore for how prominent it is in items, map stuff, etc, if it's really Just a vehicle for temp HP mechanics.
also speaking of visual similarities. the physicality of the Hollow Knight the boss, and Nosk. which could mean nothing.
awww, fuckin'..... the ~infection~ shit is a corruption of lifeblood, isn't it. just like... comparing the look of the "vines" of it with little pulsing blobs, to the lifeblood vines that light up in the Abyss and everything.
well, either that or I'm conspiracy-string-boarding innocuous visual similarities. but tbf lifeblood as an entire concept has otherwise seemed kind of random and untethered to any of the rest of the lore for how prominent it is in items, map stuff, etc, if it's really Just a vehicle for temp HP mechanics.
BRING HIM BACK
more pointy strawberry blorbo-rotation hours, yay
interpersonally-speaking, Khisit tends to work best across characters who are: 1) deliberately and intentionally kind, and not especially Nice or Polite; 2) competent, aware of it, and not apologetic about it; 3) have a goofy-ass sense of humor; and 4) care about something real in the world so so so so much. (this is before/apart from having compatible views on like, autonomy and ethics, which are definitely important but don't necessarily lead to vibing on a social level just by themselves. and... hmm, I'm trying to think about what the reverse situation would look like - personalities that mesh but ethics that really really don't - but I'm having trouble coming up with good illustrative examples so it's hard to say.) like. obviously externally they wear a giant callous shell of IDGAF most of the time, and I think it's easy for them to have a lot of casual/situational friendships with people who actually don't care much or think it's That Deep, on the basis of shared interests/intellectual competition/etc, but there's also probably a layer of contempt there most of the time if you poke the right place, which they may or may not be able to source-attribute correctly.
they're also (perhaps unexpectedly) just.... a really bad liar. not in the sense that it makes them uncomfortable & they get tripped up because they don't like not being truthful -- in the sense that lying is often a function of some sort of power differential, they don't really care about or seriously consider the internality of people with power over them, and they're much more a think-on-their-feet, immediate concerns only, tactics-over-strategy kind of person and so a longer term believable water-tight story is just... not how they're approaching most problems. even if maybe they should be.
unrelated to any of the above: I feel like they'd both enjoy and be good at hobby speedrunning, specifically the "oops all bonkers glitches" variety. (becoming highly skilled & consistent with gameplay is a part of this, sure, but the real motivation, the thing that truly #sparksjoy about it is the manic, gleeful element of "look at how I can break this thing!")
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i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is
Now er-ge what do you mean you're upset about me locking your meridians kidnapping you and keeping you hostage while I flee the country I thought you said you were a no limits sub
Er-ge, you really have to communicate more. I distinctly remember you saying "whatever you want" on more than one occasion, and what I want right now is to flee the country. Couldn't you honor our agreement? Do you want some more sparkling water
i do think it's an important aspect of ol' feng's character design that she has a bit of a haunted look in her eyes. like, before black water arc.. she had a sweet, extremely powerful look of naivete, because she had never really known strife-- or when she did, it was easily overcome by her ascending.
but to me ol' feng has eye bags and a sort of permanent grief in the back of her eyes no matter what, i think. even though she puts on a cheery face and always does her best every day.
#ALSO because i think that's a perfect moment for her to realize(if she didn't before) that she actually does want to be a girl all the time#and to then also feel the pain of dysphoria in her mortal body which never happened when she could just switcheroo to her female form (via @girl-shiqingxuan)
"the ____ was mine, the ____ were other people's" is truly an iconic phrase to have introduced into my vocabulary as a shorthand for "yes i'm nakedly biased about this and i stand by it". everybody thank xue yang, round of applause
sith + gender & sex noodling
one piece of worldbuilding headcanon I developed a while ago, mostly in the process of trying to figure out "Meshurat wtf is your gender deal," was Sith culture conceptualizing an exo-m/f-binary gender/role to the effect of "(self- & personal agency-sacrificing) weapon in service to the community as a whole". something kind of straddling the line between playing a valued, honored role, but also being to an extent socially disposable, in the sense of part of this being not partnering, having a family, etc.
in Meshurat's context - a modern* human*-dominant class of Sith lineages - this is something ve comes to as a choice, with potential to identify towards as a child, but not "officially confirmed" in a sociocultural sense until adulthood (read: late teens-ish equivalent). it, and gender overall, is also less of a Strict Binding Social Role, and more like, select this collection of vibes to be read through (none of which are all unambiguously positive or negative, nor holding the majority share of structural power in the way that's seen re: Sith/non-Sith or human/nonhuman class distinctions).
at the same time, given how modern* Sith&imperial culture draws a lot from older/pre-Jen'ari Red Sith culture, with varying degrees of adaptation, syncretism, reanalysis, straight-up theft, etc, I think there's like -
if you take a few steps to the left, a lot of this + other gender categories derive from social roles in that traditional sith society, but a significant piece in weakening the biological/sex determinism aspect of those gender roles was the massive jumpstart in bioalchemical applications via Sorzus Syn &co.
so more to the point, while the khevess role was to an extent an open class that people could choose (analogous to maybe like, if becoming a monk/nun was a choice of a totally separate gender rather than a vocation inflect(ing/ed by) being a man/woman?) - it was more prototypically an assigned gender just like m/f, mapping onto sith-species intersex-analogous body configurations. because of the significant degree of subsequent species-hybridization & privileging more human-like ancestries & appearances for a long while*, sith-cultural sex/gender categories kind of drifted + experienced scope-creep beyond their original somatic associations.
swinging back around to Meshurat, like most people at this point ve's operating in this exobinary-gender-as-uncommon-optional-sith-prestige-class-a-la-RPGs framework. (there's also a not super subtle gender-and-sexual-orientation-as-fused-concept thing going on, which at least for Meshurat anyway is a feature rather than a bug, though that's not necessarily a universal feeling.)
on the other hand, if you're operating within a much more traditionalist red sith ("sith pureblood") cultural context (not that those two aspects are necessarily always in concert with one another), it is still more of an established thing for khevess to be an externally-assigned gender, including for babies/children. and that's actually Khisit's situation, prior to their parents' deaths; and why growing up under the Jedi/in the Republic, due to all of the previous discussion being a [lore unavailable] epistemic gap, they essentially get raised as like.... shrug?? unclear?? put in same conceptual bucket as applicable for usually much more non-humanoid (& culturally marginal Core-wise) individuals?
(tbqh gender-as-institution in the Republic is a much bigger can of worms that makes me want to bash my head against a wall whenever I think about it, but for relative simplicity's sake, I p much just handwave, yeah idk there's some relatively common/normal(ized) (collection of) nonbinary identity(ies) [implied: among """standard""" Core-cultural species][is the can of worms starting to become visible yet]; and the "nope 404 not found" corner of that is how Khisit actually identifies, once they start parsing & asserting it for themself. to which: while their circumstances would've been differently low-key-crappy in this regard had they been raised in the Sith Empire, that hypothetical AU still isn't something they'd be happy within or (as an adult) choose over the life they've actually lived. their whole deal is truly ambivalent feelings about how they do vs could/"should" identify, all the way down.)