Perfectly Spread Butthole

The man, the myth, the legend.

[tendie-defender]

We should bring back forest green.

[pinkbuttercreame]

"These macaws are striking a pose that just happens to represent a biblically accurate angel"

Photo by Juan Felipe on Facebook

[mysillycomics]

how to have a sturgeon summer:

1. be quite large

2. use your barbels to find prey among the gravel along the bottom of the river

3. extend your siphon-like mouth to eat small fish, shellfish, and crustaceans

4. launch yourself out of the water and make a big splash just for fun

5. show off them scutes!

you can now enjoy your sturgeon summer

[artemissoftstepper]

need a bad sleep reset

this is a very delicate operation which involves not falling asleep until the late enough tomorrow that i can get a normal nights sleep

[voxelfoxkae]

[jay--hawk]

there should be a rule u can’t get stressed for 30 minutes after u wake up. i just woke up. spawn invincibility please.

[aromanticduck]

Free service with ads: Well, if I'm not paying for it they have to foot the bill somehow.

Paid service with no ads: Well, if they're not funding it with ad revenue, they need to charge us something.

Paid service with ads: Well that's bullshit.

"We used to be a paid service without ads, but now we're putting ads in it! If you want the ad-free version you have to pay more for preeeeemium": Fuck you fuck you fuck you

[juststarsandthemoon]

Free service with no ads: Okay so these guys are stealing my data

[a-method-in-it]

Free service with no ads that stays afloat with regular donation drives: The backbone of society

[grimeclown]

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

[grimeclown]

Snakeyes Pete is from Toronto he gave me a button once that said "Canadians have the best luck" and i said i thought that was the Irish and he said "I fucking hate the irish" and i said okay

[sandmandaddy69]

[xanaxfarts]

A tiny insect clinging to the head of a horned viper

[nattousan]

#ratatouille

[loveridden1999]

doing things at the right age is literally a made up concept. you can start/pursue anything at any age. btw.

[loveridden1999]

remember remember

[wolfsteax]

It is never too late to learn, it is never too late to love, it is never too late to make something, it is never too late stop hating, it is never too late to be better, it is never too late to do the right thing,

Whatever it is you want to chase, it's never too late to start the run.

[hunter-rodrigez]

So I do 3D modeling and printing as a hobby, and a few weeks ago I designed wheel guards meant to prevent office chairs from running over cables and clothes... or your pet's tail.

I got the idea from cowcatchers old locomotives used to have.

Anyways, yesterday I uploaded the model to Thingiverse, and just hours after uploading it, the Community Relationship Manager of the whole website left a comment suggesting I enter the model into a competition that's currently being held on the site.

So I did... and now it's in third place not even a day later. First place is $500, but the competition still has a month to go.

Then the Community Manager contacted me again, telling me they want to feature my model in an upcoming design promotion.

Just, what is happening? I mostly made this thing for myself in, like, an hour, and now it's suddenly super popular? This is all a little bit overwhelming 😵‍💫

Other models I worked on for weeks didn't get nearly as popular. I swear, it's impossible to predict what people will like.

Anyways, if you want to print the wheel guards yourself, you can get the model here or here.

I also made a quiet version you can stick furniture felt pads on.

[l0stvegas]

Some time ago (I think in 2021) I had to go see a neurologist over really scary symptoms that resembled seizures. I was a nervous wreck about what I was feeling and had barely slept all week, which seemed to be apparent to the doc’s assistant when I sat down in the exam room for questioning or whatever. Dude was pretty young and soft spoken, around my age. He was laser focused doing something on one of those tablet-laptop Surface things as I spoke, presumably writing down my symptoms.

Midway through talking about my symptoms my voice audibly started shaking as I was describing them, clearly upset.

In the middle of my monologue he turns the tablet to face me, closes whatever program he has open and the wallpaper is this fucking collage of pictures of lord farquaad from shrek, lovingly decorated. Dude just sat there placidly smiling at me until I noticed and stopped dead in the middle of a sentence. We sat there in silence like this for like a solid minute before I started wheezing laughing. Before I could even say anything else or process it he picked up the tablet and wordlessly left the room, and I just sat there dumbfounded until the doctor showed up. 10/10 doctor experience tbh

I didn’t own a cell phone at the time to get a photo so this rendition from memory is all I can provide you

[snow-nose]

ID: a digital drawing of a man in scrubs sitting on a wheeled stool, serenely smiling with his elbow on a rolling cart, where a tablet is flipped open to show an approximation of the Lord Farquaad screensaver. end ID

[enigma-absolute]

[l0stvegas]

Reblogging this bc it’s making rounds again

[pointnclick]

Thank you for coming to my this

[wander-in-arda]

What is that

[pointnclick]

My this #mythis

[adamsmasher]

WE WERE ON JEOPARDY!!!!!!!!!!

[rouge-the-bat]

thank you for coming to my this #mythis

[bathroomcube]

back from the hospital

[bathroomcube]

only reason im telling you this is because on the wristband they gave me they had a pronouns section but instead of just putting down my pronouns there was a barcode you could scan

its just a very funny visual. probably real as fuck for some of you

[ms-demeanor]

Ungovernable jumping spider (source)

An anarchist arachnid!

[punkitt-is-here]

NO MORE MANLY TANK x WAIFISH BOTTOM HEALER WE ARE MAKING THAT TWINK DRAW AGGRO