Me

[carmilla-the-dog]

Funny thing. When my brother came out as a transmasc, my mother offered to tell my grandparents the news herself, and upon receiving the news, my grandfather called my brother and ask him his pronouns and proceeded to buy him male clothes.

When I came out as a transfem, my mother told me not to tell my grandparents because they "wouldn't understand". When I visited my grandparents I was forced to use male clothes and use a hoodie (to hide my boobs) even tho it was summer in Brasil (so fucking hot as fuck). My uncle who was there with my grandparents ( and knew about my 1 year transition) kept deadnaming me even when my grandparents weren't in the same room (although he correctly gendered and named my brother).

By the end of this awful ordeal, my uncle think it was in good spirit to tell me that he has no problem with trans women :) but that if he ever see me enter a female bathroom he would punch me out of there.

My father, who calls my brother "son" but refused to use any form of gendered greetings to me (I cut contact with him when he treated my brother poorly), recently used male pronouns to refer to me, when talking to my brother, to which my brother's response was to refer to himself with feminine pronouns to "teach him a lesson". Obvious to say, my father continued to use male pronouns to me.

So honestly, fuck you if you think transmasc can't benefit from male privilege;

Fuck you if you think I have no right to be angry at men as a class;

MEN DO NOT FUCKING INTERACT

[velvetvexations]

I'm a trans woman too and I wanna add my perspective on this.

None of this matters or reflects on the experiences of trans men who report not receiving the benefits you've deceived yourself into believing they get. Your garbage family's individual treatment of trans men is completely meaningless and is totally, 100% irrelevant to every trans man in existence other than your brother, and it adds nothing of substance to the conversation. You're an idiot and you spread harmful beliefs out of what feels like, what, revenge against people who did not do anything to you except receive better treatment in one extremely specific case? Childish. Infantile. I wouldn't say it's comical because I think it sucks your family was so transmisogynistic to you and it's tragically turned you into a bigoted freak, but you are humiliating yourself when you do this shit just as well as if you threw on a big red nose and simply seem incapable of recognizing what shame feels like. Like, this is embarrassing. A normal person would be embarrassing. That you aren't and are just totally fine with putting this out there is a major character flaw worthy of a five or six season drama on Netflix.

Try and read better theory than whatever radfem fingerpaint cave scrawlings made you this person. Like, get the fuck over yourself, because you're annoying, and I hate you, and so should everyone who ever meets you, because you have the personality of a skunk with rabies. You can be a better person eventually but you're going to have to tear a lot down and do a ton of work to get there. Feel free to DM me if you need me to personally walk you step-by-step through being a rational human being who doesn't cause needless harm to vent an addiction to misplaced anger.

[personalinsanitymom]

“Fuck you if you think I have no right to be angry at men as a class” sounds like you should be angry at parents as a class? Or mothers? wtf did the trans guy in this situation do to you, unless your mother is a trans guy?

[ugly-anarchist]

I think I've spoken about the term "Salmacian" in the past and even recommended it and I think I need to revoke those statements.

(Screenshots taken from Salmacian.org)

So apparently Salmacian was originally coined to literally mean "transitioning to intersex" and the term itself is taken directly from the myth of Hermaphroditus, the origin of the slur for intersex people. And though efforts have apparently been made to distance itself from the original definition it still takes from the same source that birthed the slur that's used against us in the modern age.

Not to mention the fact that the Salmacian flag (at least the one used here) is incredibly similar to the intersex flag and clearly takes inspiration from it.

Also included on their site is this:

The only people who wouldn't be assigned afab/amab are intersex people but all intersex people are forcibly assigned a sex at birth. I don't fully know what they're trying to say here but this seems like a misuse of agab terminology or an intentional spreading of the myth that intersex people aren't assigned male/female at birth.

Like I get that there needs to be a label to fill the niche of "person who wants a body that doesn't fit the typical idea of male/female" or "person who wants a mixed genital set" or whatever but this is steeped in intersexism and directly takes from the intersex community. Specifically it takes directly from the origin of the slur that's used against us.

This is literally just one step removed from saying "I want to transition to be intersex"

[personalinsanitymom]

The only person I know who liked/used this label was intersex but raised AMAB, so her transition to considering herself intersex was what was being talked about. It’s not a term I use, or how i conceptualise my intersex identity, but I think I get it.

[discoursedamaged]

so since that cis white boy went and made everyone mad there's been a lot of speculating about his motives for getting so involved with trans community infighting. is he a chaser? is she an egg?

i don't think it is necessary to make these claims about his sexuality or gender identity. His behavior is explainable without it.

Hegemonic masculinity is the idea that, within a patriarchal system, manhood functions as a competition. You prove your manhood and attain higher social status by denigrating the manhood of others, particularly those more marginalised than you.

That's exactly what he's doing. He is, or at least currently presents, as a cis white gay man. That's an awkward position to have in the hierarchy - close in some ways to the top, yet nowhere near it. He has certainly been on the receiving end of other men's denigration, and compared to them, he's short on safe targets. But one group of men he certainly has power over are trans men - and even more so, black trans men.

Confidently writing another's reality for them, ignoring their objections, it's no overstep for a cis man to do. It is what cis men get to do to those who do not share their privilege. It is their right as a superior, in intellect and knowledge and reasoning - a Scholar. And it certainly helps that he's doing this in defense of women. Such is the duty of the patriarch.

It's a rather established play for leftist men - consider how often they rebuke misogynistic men by attacking their masculinity. Consider the figure of the neckbeard, whose misogyny is tied to his own inability to grow proper, masculine facial hair. Consider the trans man, his patchy beard, his manboobs, his reputation for being so misogynistic he'd abandon his own sisters for a taste of male privilege. What better target for a leftist man to prove his manhood upon?

[trans-masc-madness]

I often see people use the term "intersectionality" to refer to people who are part of multiple minority demographics, but don't know that it actually means that being part of multiple minority demographics means that the discrimination against one part of your identity is often done in a different way, weaponising other aspects of your identity to do it.

like people will define intersectionality as "the math to determine how privileged someone is"

so like

"black -1, man +1, able bodied +1. this person has a Privilege Score™ of +1"

when that is quite literally the EXACT OPPOSITE of what the word means.

I wish people understood that intersectionality is not math. it's more like chemistry.

it's not "+1 oppression point -2 oppression points = -1 oppression points"

it's more like how sodium is a metal that explodes when it touches water, and chlorine is a deadly poisonous gas, but when put together it's fucking *table salt.*

[fallonturing]

pocket deer boy is operating out of the Benjanun chaser handbook btw. like please learn to see this shit

[transfemme-shelterdog]

PDB is a gay man though. I think it's more likely he's just an asshole instead of doing this to get laid by trans women.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

I agree. He says he's gay, we'll accept that at face value. To me, he's just your usual "ewwww, vaginas are icky, a real man has a flesh and blood dick, what am I supposed to do with a pussy?" kind of gay.

Not a chaser, just a transphobe. Extremely common in the gay community, sadly.

[aceshigh10987666]

Okay Imma ask one of those kinds of questions that sometimes gets everyone in the room to laugh while I'm sitting there wondering what was so funny... this one's a two-fer because who knows if it'll be because I'm autistic or ace or both...

So, we have already established that some straight men chase trans men because they don't mind using the right gender labels if it gets them some pussy but... no gay man ever wanted a pre-op or non-op trans woman for her dick?

[transfemme-shelterdog]

I've never heard of a gay man fucking a trans woman for dick. For one, HRT makes penetration *really* hard, like not to be TMI, but when I'm topping my husband, the most we can do is just cuddle and have it sit inside him, actual intercourse isn't really possible even with Viagra because it's kinda half hard/half soft, so you can't really fuck with it. And that's just with the vagina, anal would be a lot harder.

Secondly, my husband is straight as an arrow, yet he'd never fuck another pre-op trans guy, as he's not into men. So I'm not sure if a lot of legitimately gay men would find trans women attractive enough to fuck.

But, I don't know. I'm taftosexual, so I'm above all that genital preference stuff.

[trans-bastard-dogboy]

i dated a guy who was gay and said he’d get with a trans gal because, and i quote “big cock is big cock no matter the gender”. he only dated me bc pegging exists (and he wanted to get me pregnant to fulfill a dream he only had because of delusions he had)

that relationship had more red flags than i care to admit tbh…

but yeah good rule of thumb is human jackassery flows both ways.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Did he know that HRT causes your penis to shrink unless you're using T cream? And often those that are on T cream for that are planning on getting vaginoplasty (the more tissue you have, the more a surgeon has to work with) so likely they're never gonna top you anyways.

Like, I lost a good probably 3 to 4 inches in 2 years.

You're getting maybe 4 inches max. Maybe 6 if you have little shrinkage and are well endowed prior.

But yeah, sounds like a less than idea relationship. Glad you're out of that.

[trans-bastard-dogboy]

well she wasn’t on any hormones at the time so as far as he was concerned, whether he knew it or not, did not matter to him 💀

[transfemme-shelterdog]

What a scumbag.

[ichliebemeinkissen]

I wanna jump in here he probably gives chaser vibes to people because a lot of people didn't prev know him, and then saw this in the bio, which is weird for a transphobic cis person to say, imo

any cissie who acts like this to one group of trans people then puts down the rest is always a red flag because so many chasers do just that if that makes sense

[personalinsanitymom]

Yup unfortunately my grindr experience tells me there are plenty cis gay men happy to fuck a trans woman because they don’t fully see trans women as women. But also! Every cis person I’ve known who gets super super double-down INTENSE about intra trans discourse has gone on to crack their egg in one way or another. Doesn’t excuse it! But does explain some stuff. And I’m not calling this person trans! Idk him from Adam. Just TLDR about cis people too into trans wank.

[robocourse]

Honestly, it’s incredibly hard to interact with you on “good faith” when you’re so hell-bent on not being called “allo”… which I understand if you’re questioning whether or not you’re a-spec, but there’s nothing wrong with the term itself as a tool for distinguishing a-spec people from other sexualities/romantic orientations. If you’re not allo you’re not allo, so just say that or that you’re questioning. The way you talk now seems wholly dismissive of the term which is uncomfortably close to how some transphobes talk about the word “cis” despite it just being a way to refer to people who most closely align with their assigned gender at birth.

Also… my take, as an ace person, is that the oppression that a-spec individuals face is similar to but also different to the challenges that other lgbtq+ folks experience…. Just like the experiences of different lgbtq+ orientations are similar and different to each other. A-spec people are not cisheteroromantic+sexual, so we always run the risk of being abused and discriminated against when it’s discovered that our orientation is outside of the norm. Of course, a-apec individuals are able to more easily hide their orientation than others, but i think the idea that an individual’s ability to “pass” as cishet determines whether or not they belong in the lgbtq+ community is, at best, silly, and more commonly discriminatory towards more than just a-spec individuals. Bi people in het relationships are still queer, trans people who pass are still queer. What’s the inherent difference here with a-specs, who are still ultimately inclined to hide their orientation around those who might harm them from it?

But, the a-spec experience is also colored by feeling out of place in a world that is highly focused on romance and sex. There’s often not enough recognition of how much it can impact a young a-spec’s life to see wording like “everyone falls in love!” Or “we all want to have sex with our partners”, both of which are common both inside and out of the lgbtq+ space. This alienation, along with the aforementioned points about being outside of the norm, is why many a-specs consider their experience to be inherently queer AND advocate for a more nuanced understanding of sexuality and romantic orientations, especially in conversations around queer liberation. Folks who aren’t a-spec have no idea what it’s like to live our lives and shouldn’t speak for us, just as someone who isn’t trans, bi, gay etc. have no business dictating the actions of those communities.

What we want is understanding and belonging in a community that is all about liberating those who differ from the norm in terms of orientation, and quite honestly? The fact that most people nowadays see us as such means that we are a part of the community, whether some people like it or not. When you listen to people and start to understand how similar they are to you, rather than focusing on their differences, it’s amazing how well you can get to know someone with a life experience you haven’t had. At the end of the day, we’re here, we’re queer, and you better get used to it, because otherwise the back door on the wrong side of history will probably hit you on the way out. Thanks for reading.

You keep comparing me to a transphobe because the asexual presumptive word for "sex-haver" makes me uncomfortable. Like I don't know what else to say here- I asked for a level of respect and you refuse to give it to me. I shouldn't need to air out my personal relationship to sex in order to be treated like a person. So I'm just gonna move on to your other points. Just know that this sort of behavior is very inconsiderate.

You say that the struggles of asexual people are "similar and different" to those of LGBT people- I'm asking how they are similar. You've not provided me any sort of examples beyond a hypothetical situation. Where are asexual people being arrested and murdered for their lack of sex? Where are they losing jobs? Where would it be difficult for an asexual person to adopt a child? When was asexuality deemed illegal? What laws are put in place to limit an asexual's ability to survive and thrive?

That's not me being a dick- I am genuinely asking. In what ways are people who don't have sex just as/more oppressed than LGBT people who do? Because when you use "allosexual" you're implying that straight and LGBT people hold inherent power over aces based on the desire/ability to have sex. How does that power manifest?

I certainly agree that the alienation asexual and aromantic people feel in our society is worth mentioning and doing something about. But one goal of the LGBT community is the normalization of romantic love and sex for gay/trans individuals. Because our love and sex is demonized and used to take away our human rights. Asexual people- as far as I currently understand- are not living with that threat. Therefore their goals are going to be different than ours. Which is not invalid or less than- it's simply a truth. (Saying the asexual community has differing threats and therefore different goals than the LGBT community is not an example of aphobia. It's an observation without judgement.)

The LGBT community is not a community built on "liberating those who differ from the norm in terms of orientation". It's a political coalition created to combat homophobia and transphobia and preserve the rights of the people who experience those forms of active oppression. If the asexual community's goal is to create a space wherein they feel safe and accepted- fine! You've effectively done that with the unification of an asexual community. The LGBT community has wider goals with higher stakes though. So you can ally alongside us and help achieve our goals- one of them being normalization of sex- or you can ally further away and preserve your own goals alongside ours. I got off track though- saying any LGBT person holds power over any ace for having sex is ludicrous unless you can provide examples of systemic oppression based on the act of sex.

[robocourse]

Exactly! It’s an issue for sure- but certainly not just for asexuals. 

[personalinsanitymom]

Asexuality discussions make a lot more sense under the umbrella of feminism because trying to 1:1 them onto queerness gets so much assumption about what non-asexuals MUST be like that just aren’t true.

[trashsexuality]

every now and then i just sit back and rethink ace discourse from the top to make sure my views still make sense (which is good to do with any belief you hold) and i just start thinking about how there's a group of people who genuinely think that needing to form a connection with someone before wanting to have sex with them is somehow equivalent to being gay and it is LUDICROUS

[ungracefulace]

So step one of making sure your views make sense is actually understanding the other side as well which you clearly dont. No one is saying that demisexuality is gay, we are saying that aces and aros are LGBT+ by virtue of being ace/aro.

[trashsexuality]

very clearly by 'equivalent' i meant in terms of being part of the community, i never said i thought people think demisexuality is gay lmao!!!!!

[ungracefulace]

Being a "gay equivalent" is also not a requirement of being in the community? Contrary to popular belief the LGBT+ community is not the gay and gay adjacent community plus also trans people.

Anyways if you see ace identites as not wanting to have sex then obviously you arent going to consider that LGBT+. However you arent going to be able to properly consider both sides of anything if you are actively giving the side you dont agree with the wrong definition in your comparisons. It's not helpful at all because you arent sitting back to rethink anything, you are still in exclusionist mindset and using exclusionist definitions for this "opinion check". And that's fine I guess but dont act like you're doing anything impartial and just pointing out the sheer ridiculousness of the other side because you really arent.

[trashsexuality]

first paragraph is an interesting misinterpretation of what i said. the kinda sly implication that im being transphobic is an odd choice, but not entirely unexpected i guess. i feel like im repeating myself but by "gay equivalent" i mean "as much a part of the community as gay people".

and i am well aware of the definitions. "sexual attraction" has just become such a meaningless term because any definition anyone tries to suggest for it is immediately disputed. it's pointless. im aware that it's more complicated than just wanting to have sex. ive had that discussion very recently so you can scroll back on my blog if you want. im sure you'd disagree with me but it's there if you want.

[personalinsanitymom]

People keep saying that’s the definition and yeah I was ON AVEN at the time we were having the Libidoist vs NonLibidoist wars. I low key wish we used those terms instead of the spectrum. And that the NonLibidoists won, they were right.

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

[captain-starskull]

I live my life thinking the perfect conversation doesn’t exist and then tumblr drops this in my lap.

[frogfete]

like. some of u freaks have to face it. there are kids online and u are directly responsible for creating a safe environment for them. not that shitty “their parents should monitor them better” excuse. just learn how not to be fucking weird towards children, shut down inappropriate convos, and for the love of fucking god dont start coddling kids n acting like they do not know anything at all bc i guarantee u its the #1 way to make kids more insolent, more angry and all the more likely to fall directly into harms way. u have to fucking learn to be better.

[personalinsanitymom]

“Freaks” LoL ok literally it is their parents job. I block the fuckers. No ones having inappropriate convos with kids by accident, predators know what they’re doing, I’m not sure who this post as aimed at beyond OPs guillable followers

[estradiol]

i’m an egg but are gaffs like safe or are there negative side effects like w binding?

They’re safe (to my knowledge), drag queens use them on a daily basis for hours at a time with nothing rlly of it

[personalinsanitymom]

binding is fine, get the TERFs out of your head

[partialbirthabortion]

it really is fascinating that as nonbinary gender becomes more socially legible and potentially coherent as a class regardless of asab….we have all decided collectively that women are still the least entitled to human rights lmao 

[partialbirthabortion]

tbc I’m obviously not one of those people who think nonbinary identity is inherently a manifestation of misogyny but defining nonbinaryness not as it’s own experience but as non-womanhood (and of course gender is dialectical so I get it) to the point where you argue, “you can’t subject me to (misogynist thing), I’m not a woman!”, you are perpetuating misogyny. When Rain Dove celebrated being able to post their nipples to instagram because some innate non-woman, un(afab) characteristic of their soul/mind/spirit/whatever made their chest nonsexual as a victory, that was was misogyny. is our work as feminists right now really just creating more classes of people to rank women under? lol

[personalinsanitymom]

blaming NB people for sexist rule enforcement is peak cryptoterf

[scorpiorisingfemme]

Transtrends is a transmed.

i genuinely dont have an opinion on transmedicalism/tucutes. its not my place as a cis person to engage in trans discourse. i just saw some relevant shit on their blog and i dont follow them, and reblogging from them doesnt mean i support them/all of their ideals

[personalinsanitymom]

then don’t reblog from transmeds as a cis person ....

[estradiol]

this ain't related to current discourse but i saw a post that set me off: can people that aren't lesbians or trans men stop commenting on lesbians dating trans men. like, i see so much shit that is basically "all lesbians prey on poor trans men uwu" as if... trans men don't also actively seek out lesbians to date? which is just as gross and wrong? no one talks abt that tho! ntm people conflate butch he/him lesbians with trans men and make assumptions like... stay out of our business lol.

[personalinsanitymom]

a fuck load of people talk about that! There are lots of posts on the evil predatory trans men taking advantage of lesbians anon what are you on. it’s bad from both sides because a lot of times it’s couples who stay together through transition, or trans dudes being in spaces open to them like Her because they don’t feel safe on Grindr or Tindr. it’s shit but it’s complicated and more complex than “no ones shitting on trans guys enough”Trans men shouldn’t seek out lesbians, lesbians shouldn’t be chasers (which they absolutely do) that’s that on that

[blandalorian]

actually Ari’s name isn’t just a portmanteau of the t slur and the f slur, it’s a play on a 4chan term, “faggotry,” which is meant as a homophobic pejorative for any behavior they don’t like.

Ari is out here giving a friendly little shoutout to 4chan while shitting on asexies. I don’t trust anyone who prioritizes actual cishets over theoretical cishets (i.e. “cishet aces”) and that’s exactly what that is, regardless of what exclusies say bc you know how they’re gonna react to this when they find it lol

[deepseacutie]

AGSHSHDKF LITERALLY WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM WHERE QUEER ISNT A SLUR BUT RECLAIMING A SHITTY INTERNET SLUR IS PRIORITIZING CISHETS oh my god!! This take actually blew my mind! You are truly a moron!!!

[personalinsanitymom]

ari literally picked it after reading “traggotry” used as a portmanteau of tranny and faggot. the post is there on her blog anslalsjsmsm

[jimmy-in-pineapple-paradise-blog]

So, I’ve been think a lot about something Ben Shapiro said. And I have realized I have a right to not use these “neopronouns” and “misgender” tucutes.  You cannot force me to use anything that isn’t he or she, and you cannot force me to believe in your fake genders.  And it isn’t “transphobia” because i’m not inherently scared of tucutes (you also aren’t trans), and call it discrimination if you like, but I have as much a right to call you by an assumed gender as much as you do to block me or whatever.  You aren’t entitled to my respect, no one is. Respect is something you earn. And you cannot force me to use pronouns or genders that go against my beliefs. I do not respect people that have made the LGBT community look like some all inclusive shit hole, and who have made transexualism look like a choice.  Society also shouldn’t have to “change” or make you feel “special” and “revolutionary” because you’re using the trans label when you aren’t trans. And that goes for real trans people as well. You aren’t special for being born in the wrong body, and it isn’t powerful or amazing to be trans. Some of you search for equality, then expect to be treated with the utmost respect, and sorry, not sorry, but I’m done with it. 

[allobottomprivilege-deactivated]

TRANS ALLY OF THE YEAR

[transcephalopod]

how’s it feel being transphobic, OP?

[thewoesofyaoi]

there's an anime about a fujoshi right now... i'm not surprised at all but wtf? it's disgusting that they'd write a romcom about a fujoshi as if those vile creatures need any sort of validation at all, or a lover for that matter. Also not surprising at all: there are zero lgbt characters in it, not a single gay couple, nothing, nada, when it appears that it'll have anything gay in it, it's bait, so it's 100% heterosexual crap validating homophobes. I want to die, or maybe kill whoever made this.

That’s capitalism babe!

[personalinsanitymom]

... if this is about kiss him not me isnt there like... a lesbian. theres a lesbian in kiss him not me.

of all the anime to be angry about rn you pick kiss him not me

[radical-eirini-deactivated20210]

Butchcommunist will freely go off on idiotic rants about how any cis lesbians who try to find solidarity with trans lesbians are Homophobic while describing trans lesbians as savvy political/emotional manipulators (merely for stating that disgust against trans women’s bodies is not a socially neutral position!) with “freaky” and “rare” politics but you still get people who will swear until they’re red in the face that she’s not a TERF and I’m glad to see that a big chunk of the internet left has made the amazing step of going from “being extremely accepting and rebroadcasting open TERFs” to “being extremely accepting and rebroadcasting TERFs who know how to use dogwhistles”. The only “freaky” thing here is how so many of you can’t figure out that somebody who repeatedly goes off about trans women being manipulative and predatory hates trans women! Curious!

[personalinsanitymom]

She lies about having transitioned and being DeTrans even though all she did was use he/him pronouns and come out online. Oh and she’s still desperate for top surgery. But Big Trans is dangerous and trans women are gross or whatever sure Lane.