My Struggle To Become A Plus Size Cosplayer

This blog will catalog my struggles and journey to becoming a plus size cosplayer. If you are here to hate on me then please leave now. If you are going to follow my journey stick around. Be warned, this is a very personal, brutally honest, and raw blog.

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

An Update

I know I said I would update last weekend but I kind of vegged out. I'm at school 27 hours a week not including hour long breaks and two hour long commutes each day. So you'll have to forgive me for taking it easier this weekend but I'm writing now on my commute (now several days ago) and then I'll post this.

So an update of my life and struggles. In September, I moved out temporarily  (for 8 months) while I continued my schooling. I promised everyone that this would be my last program after 10 years of moving through various post-secondary programs - 2 college diploma and a university degree - looking for what I really wanted to do with my life. I have wanted to be a writer for a good chunk of my life but I was always searching for plan B so I could support myself and my writing. Last year I realized writing couldn't be on the back burner any longer so I found a post-graduate program at college that focuses on professional writing - essentially all the non-reactive writing that is needed in the working world. So here I am almost 3 months into an 8 month program...I'm riddled with uncertainty thanks to one of my professors, hating certain topics and loving others. Have I really found my calling? Well, I'm not sure. I'm struggling with my anxiety of commuting in a very large city and my depression creeps in more and more as I struggle with my uncertainty. I am stubborn though and will finish what I start.

Moving out has been interesting. I have to cook for myself 7 days a week and so I'm controlling what I put in my mouth. Depression though has my sweet tooth at an all-time high and I ate more cookies yesterday than I really should have. Still the walking, commuting, and cooking for myself has helped one thing...I've lost some weight. I don't know how much I haven't been near a scale in 3 months but I still know. How? Well, I haven't been able to fit into a pair of jeans in almost 2 or 3 years. Today, I'm wearing a pair of jeans. Now I don't know if it's just this pair or if I have a few others that to do but it's a step in the right direction I guess. Still, I lost to a box of cookies yesterday. Doesn't spell the end of the world to me. Sure I'm mad that I did so when I've been doing good but my mind and body struggle continues. Actually more of a mind thing really but my body loses when my depression kicks in.

I am trying to keep busy and positive - four weeks left of classes - by working on projects and getting enough rest. My favourite project is by far my social media business where I focus on fandom. It makes me happy even if I am often doing it in a rush because of all my other school work. I'm also window shopping for wigs and planning cosplay which again makes me happy but no money makes it difficult to get in the spirit. Most of my plans are being held back for cosplay because of my weight. That's why my main one I'm looking at is Penelope Garcia...she's lost weight in recent years but she was a plus size actress (or what society now classifies as plus size). Otherwise I do hope to do Rose Quartz from Steven Universe but she'll be very expensive to make and I'm not making money yet. So plans are very far off into the future.

So that's a bit of an update because I won't go into the issues or drama that I've seen at school. Or how I feel about my adventure of moving out yet. So until next time followers...always keep your smile!

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

A blog is a blog

I seem to be very terrible about updating this blog. I want to continue to share my struggle with all of you, my followers because I know I’m not the only one who struggles with becoming and being a plus-size cosplayer. I’m not the only one who faces issues in my daily life, my struggle with my weight, my struggle with depression, and struggles with my place in this world. So I’m going to try to update this with my normal life, with my cosplay plans, and with all my struggles. I also want you to connect with me, share your struggles and your life, and we can support each other. So expect a proper update over the weekend.

Until then, stay awesome out there in the world!

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

Upcoming Cosplay

In two weeks, I will be attending a local cosplay picnic. I plan on doing my casual Rogue cosplay because Rogue is both comfortable and warm for the cooler outdoor weather we have been getting. I’m kind of excited and luckily it is the right time of year to buy new gloves for her. 

Also I’m sorry for not updating as often as I should. I have moved out for the year for my course so I’m spending most of my days in school, doing homework, and commuting. It has also helped me because I’m eating better most days and doing more walking. So even though I don’t feel like I look like I’ve lost weight or anything, I can see small changes in my own body. When you don’t have enablers at home, you can eat better, and the only person to blame when you break down is you. So yes, this plus size cosplayer is still struggling with her weight but I am feeling better about the whole experience.

Also, one of my projects is to start up our own business. It can be fake but I am going to hopefully get it off the ground. So if you see me posting Tri-Fandom Con or Tri-Fandom Mini Con, it’s just me pushing it out there.

Anyway, I should go back to paying attention to editing class. 

[chiaroscuropoetry-blog]

[trifandomcon]

Welcome to Tri-Fandom Mini Con!

This is a class project that we hope to turn into a reality. So follow on our journey and fandom with us!

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

An Update

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post. I’ve been kind of busy and so I haven’t been able to get on here. I’ve been going to various doctors’ appointments to figure out some issues I’ve been having for various years. Since high school I’ve had dizziness and the last few years I’ve passed out, continued to have dizzy spells. I finally found out I have low blood pressure. So one thing figured out. For the last two or three years, I’ve been having stomach issues which was at first thought to be lactose intolerance which it is not. Instead I have ibs (partially based on my amount of stress and I may grow out of it).

The past couple of months I’ve been looking for an apartment with a friend for September. Even though some of it fell through, I was still looking for a place to live. I wasn’t sure how much funding I was going to get and thus wasn’t sure what I could find. So I have now lined up a room for the year. It still means a commute but at least it’s kind of sort of within the city. Instead of an hour and a half to two hours one way, I’m looking at more like 56 minutes to an hour. 

I’m still struggling with my weight, no matter what I seem to do I go up and down like a yo-yo. I’m hoping with moving out and not having a vehicle I’ll be forced to walk more and make the decision of what I bring in to eat, that’ll I’ll be able to lose weight. 

So with some of my issues and stress being dealt with I can now focus on some fun. This weekend is a local picnic. I’ve been throwing around 2 different ideas (and sometimes a third). One is a character from my novel about sky pirates. She’s a pirate Captain so easy enough to do. The other one is a modern version of the nymph/oread Echo. The third I’ve thought of is Umbreon but with the heat we’ve been experiencing lately, all black isn’t exactly what I’d call sweltering summer friendly. I am hoping I’ll be able to go to a convention in the fall but there will be at least another cosplay picnic at home or nearby. Hopefully there will be a picture no matter what.

[iamatinyowl]

When I say I want more fat acceptance I don’t mean I want to see more hourglass shaped, cellulite free white girls rocking 50s pinup style.

Give me fat people with different fat distribution. Give me fat people in bathing suits. Give me fat people with no sense of style. Give me fat people of color. Give me fat trans people and fat gender non-conforming people. Stop making one narrow body type of fat people the only ‘acceptable’ fat body. You’re all body acceptance or you’re not really body acceptance.

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

No Cosplay Plans?

Well, normally I don’t get too many of my cosplay ideas done as they change and even if they don’t, financially something makes them fall through. So the fact that my one plan to get a photoshoot of Queen of Hearts has made me very happy. Do I expect any other of my plans to happen? No I highly doubt they will. Will I create a few more original characters instead? Probably. So we’ll see what actually happens but no mon mean no fun. Sure I keep looking at elf ears, wigs, coloured contacts, etc but I know I don’t have the funds to do any proper cosplays like Yona, Wendy Darling, Cheshire Cat or Penelope Garcia. 

Normally this weekend, I would be gearing up for Anime North but I decided not to go this year. It feels weird, seeing it all over my facebook and hearing about it from all my friends, seeing all their cosplay plans. It’s odd not to be going. I’ll miss it but sometimes you have to make a decision for the future. 

I’ll try to update again soon. You never know what I’ll come up with next.

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

Queen of Hearts Photoshoot

I promised pictures of my Queen of Hearts cosplay and I finally can deliver.

Model: RebelliousRogue (Me) Photographer: Mekou [Sleepymeow Photography] Character: Queen of Hearts Series: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

[huffpost]

[brunchbitch]

"I SHOULD NOT HAVE COME HERE I MADE A MISTAKE WHAT ARE THESE THINGS WHY ARE THERE SO MANY"

[fishwrites]

when sad, reblog fluffy things. look at this precious baby. it’s being smothered in love and cuddles.

[elektrarand]

from: Marvel fans mexico 

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

Always Thinking/Procrastinating

It’s that time of year that I start thinking cosplay plans and less about all the homework and studying I have to do. Procrastination is my middle name or at least it should be. 

So I love doing easy cosplays that I think will be fun or OCs as you guys know. So I’m always looking for interesting cosplays. I made a list earlier in the year but as always things change, ideas change. That’s the life of a cosplayer. That list consisted of: Yona from Akatsuki no Yona, Wendy Darling (older) or Genderbent Peter Pan, Queen of Hearts (photo shoot), Cheshire Cat, Penelope Garcia, and Umbreon (photo shoot).

In a month, I will be doing Umbreon for a cosplay picnic (unless it is too cold) in which I will probably do Queen of Hearts as it is heavier. 

I know there will probably be a few picnics and I only get to one convention which won’t be AN (Anime North) this year. I just find it too big and sprawling. So I’ve decided to go to Con Bravo instead in July but due to a few life changes coming up in September this may have to be cancelled (and thus no convention for the year unless I get to one downtown Toronto in the fall/winter). 

This doesn’t stop me from having ideas and plans. I want to do an OC of Nyx, the Greek Goddess of the Night. I own a lot of black clothing and accessories. I would love to create a persona for her and everything. I think it’d be fun even if no one knew who I was. 

The second cosplay I want to add to my list is a Moogle. I would love to run around and finish my sentences with kupo. I think it’d be wonderful fun and comfortable to do as well. 

Of course you guys will see if I ever get any of these done. Even if it’s just a photo shoot of Queen of Hearts or Umbreon. 

[owmeex]

[scarftumbls]

this was adorable but then the cat

[soul-likethesea]

The cat is an accurate description of me in winter.

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

There are two types of people in the world...

[justejauraisaimeetreprevenue]

don’t measure a woman’s worth by her clothes - terre des femmes

[ultrafacts]

Welsh folklore says the corgi is the preferred mount of fairy warriors. There is also a folk legend that says corgis were a gift from the woodland fairies, and that the breed’s markings were left on its coat by fairy harnesses and saddles. [x]

Source: http://dogtime.com/dog-breeds/pembroke-welsh-corgi

Drawing by Skottan

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts

[pizzaismylifepizzaisking]

I wonder if the Queen has a secret army of fairy warriors and that’s why she has so many Corgis.

[ultrafacts]

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

A Sunny Day (Goodbye Winter)

When you are feeling amazing for the day you want to share it with others. 1. Where I am the sun is shining. 2. The temperatures are above freezing. We reached 9 degrees celsius this afternoon. Woo! 3. I just feel good because I did stuff for myself today and last night. Sometimes taking time for you is much needed. Last night I dyed my hair, moisturized my face, hands and feet (probably should've done more but oh well), this morning I did my hair and put on make up. I just feel good. So remember to take some you time this week, even if it's just a plan for a cosplay or watching some TV. Do it for you and your mental health. Have an awesome day and night followers!

[plussizecosplayer-blog]

Late Night Depression

I wrote this last night and wasn't sure about posting it because what you think about at night, doesn't always see the light of day. But looking back at this I feel I should post it because I'm human and flawed. Maybe someone else can relate as well.

It’s late at night and if anyone who has depression or is expressing depression knows that’s when the thoughts are the worse. I know that some people say if you can talk about your mental illness then you are a faker, that’s not true. I share so that someone else who is experiencing just a little of what I am knows that they aren't alone with these feelings, these thoughts. I share for my mental health. I open up because if I didn't then I would be lying to myself about what I’m thinking or feeling. So this post is going to be what I’m thinking or feeling because sometimes I find it hard to tell the difference.

I have had depression since I was at least 13. It has gone un-diagnosed. I have never been medicated either so during my teens I suffered greatly and had my share of suicidal thoughts. I still remember I was in grade 11 or 12 and I woke up one morning, no one else was up and I was standing in the kitchen with a knife, just wanting to end it all. I don’t know why I never did it. I remember thinking at the time I was weak that’s why I couldn't. A friend told me after it was quite the opposite that I was strong. It takes a lot of will power to fight the disease in your head and it was only after this that I think I fully realized it. About 6 years ago I went through the darkest period I can’t remember…I say cannot because a lot of that time is blank to me due to how depressed I was. I say what helped me out was I became a Christian. Yeah I know in this day and age religion comes up and everyone backs away. I don’t shove my beliefs on anyone and I accept everyone for who they are…Jesus never turned anyone away, he accepted everyone. Anyone tells you different haven’t read their bible. I’m a Christian for me because it helps me feel better to have hope in a higher power and someone to listen when things get rough. Like tonight…

I’m sitting here knowing I’m going to be going to school on Sunday so I can practice that Shakespeare play that isn't supposed to be said when performed. I also know this guy I like is going to be there and so the thoughts spiral in. Why would anyone like someone who looks like me? Most guys wouldn't dream of going out with a plus size girl. I’m not the type of girl that guys like. I’m so fat. The only people who call my cute or pretty are my friends…I’m not blind I know what I look like in the mirror. I see the double chin, the fat flabby arms, the round belly like Santa Claus, the legs that jiggly and rub together when I walk. I know I’m not beautiful and that I’m no prize to be one. Plus let’s heap on top my mental issues which I keep learning I have other than depression. I have low self esteem as the last few thoughts have illustrated, social anxiety, and I’m an introvert masquerading as an extrovert to overcompensate for my self consciousness. I pull it off so well my own prof suggested I was so comfortable in my own skin that I should have played Falstaff in Henry IV part 1. If you know the character he is a obese man who is lazy and always out of breath. I’m still not sure how I feel about that insinuation but it would appear I don’t show my discomfort at my size. If he doesn't like my size, then it’s going to be my hair…yes curly and coarse instead of straight and soft. I know all of this is ridiculous because I’m depressed over things I have no control over: my body or his reaction/attraction to me. He may just not like me and I’m okay with being his friend. I also know I will chicken out and not tell him because after April I probably won’t see him again. So soon I’ll go back to disliking my body not because I think someone else might not like it but because I don’t. But a positive note is I've lost 4 pds this week so there’s an accomplishment. Still I need to keep working so that I can be healthier…my joints and heart and lungs need the weight off. I’m doing that for me not for a guy. Although the make up tomorrow may be for me or for him.

So ups and downs. Spirals go both ways. I also know that my self worth isn't based on what anyone thinks of me but what I think of me. So when I’m beating my appearance up I've just lowered my own opinion of myself and that can’t happen. You know why? Because I’m fabulous, awesome and damn wonderful. I also have my flaws but that’s what makes me human. So instead of sitting here sighing and pining and beating myself up, I’m going to get some beauty sleep so that I can try to be the best version of me I can, even if she’s not perfect or happy as can be. I just am going to try to get through the day.