Stay Groovy

Some mature content on this blog. Just a personal journal-based blog for a 30 year old transman in Seattle, WA. Some old stuff from my streaming days, and maybe some art in the future.

[pocketlynx]

Hey would you love to be friends on telegram,am trans too based in LA

Hello!

I am happy to make more friends, but I don't have a telegram! I have Signal or WhatsApp, though

[pocketlynx]

Vote for Art And Ave as America's Favorite Couple!

One couple will appear in an advertorial in Variety and take home $20,000.

TLDR: We are a queer, trans couple hoping you can help us win America's Favorite Couple by taking a minute to vote for us or share this post!

Hello all!

My partner and I are looking for help to win America's Favorite Couple Competition, and we are hopeful that the Tumblr community can help us out! We are one of the few queer couples competing, and one of us is a trans man! If we win, we will be featured in Variety Magazines and take home $20,000! We are most excited about being featured as we believe it would show love comes in all shapes and sizes! It would also show that love is best when built on adventure and love for others as much as for each other!

Voting costs nothing, and you get one free vote every 24 hours! That said, you do have to verify your vote! We are not asking people to vote every day, but even just one vote helps us immensely!

If we won, we would use the money for our wedding in June 2026 at the same coffee shop we met. Anything else would be invested to prepare for our future and give us security to continue going on adventures together for years to come.

A little about us, we met at a local coffee shop that both of us have worked at, but at different times. We would chat over the counter about all sorts of things, but mostly the outdoors and canoeing. Over time, we started doing sweet things for each other, and a slow courting started. Several washed dishes, baked cookies, free coffees, hidden twenty dollar bills, and loud laughs later, we started dating.

One of our favorite memories is that of our second canoe trip together. We went to Lake Diablo and canoed into our campsite on a small island. After a day of canoeing up the lake's canyon, climbing dams to look at waterfalls, and hiking to the highway through snow; we ventured to the canoe for our trip back to camp only for a storm to set down. Through dark, wind, and waves, we made our way safely back to camp. We learned what an avalanche sounds like and that we could fully trust each other then.

We appreciate any and all support! Even just sharing this post does a world of help for us! Thank you all so much!

[pocketlynx]

I've been bad about journaling again, but what better time to get started again.

It's hard growing up to realize one of your parents never really loved you. Not the way a parent should, at least.

I just saw a post on a different social media site that relayed a story where someone's father jumped into a pool after them without any hesitation, despite being terrified of water. This is something most would expect of a parent. I would not expect it of my father.

To the contrary, I had to completely cut communication with my father after he heavily insinuated that he would kill me before he dies so we could continue to be reincarnated together.

I should not have been surprised, honestly. He has made it clear over the years that the only parts of me he loves are the parts that remind him of himself. In his mind, I am his possession and a continuation of him. He's even told me he believes, with great conviction, that we have been reincarnated together for many lives.

This ties into the fact that he only saw me as feminine presenting in every reincarnation. He tried to say I am currently his daughter and have been his mother and lover in past lives. This all lines up well with what he said when I came out as transgender to him. He told me I should just, "wait until my next life to be a boy."

Even just writing about him absolutely exhausts me. That's probably enough dumping for now, anyway.

[pocketlynx]

10/04/2024

Back at it, and trying to stay on the journaling.

Work has been difficult lately. I really need to get better about work-life balance. I took a weekend off recently, and it was so nice to be able to relax and not have to look at my phone for a couple of days. It had me feeling better when I went back to work, too. I felt happy to see the dogs I take care of and was excited to be with them. I feel like I am either getting burnt out or close to it, and it affects how I am with the dogs. I need to take better care of myself and prioritize my own well-being over my customer's needs. I have other people I can refer for walks and the such, and I should do that more.

I got bit on Wednesday. One of my dogs wouldn't leave another alone, and it eventually escalated to the point where he had latched onto the other dog and would not let go. In the fray, after attempting other techniques to get my dog to release, I tried to pry his mouth open and got bit by the dog he was attacking. I've already filed a claim with my business insurance, but it was a lot. My hand has been hurting immensely since, and it's hard to move my thumb. I'm just so tired. I have so much that needs to be finished, too.

I was asked to participate in an interview and I have totally failed to get the requested forms to the people. I think they have given up on interviewing me at this point. It just kept escaping me, and when I would remember I'd be at work. Not to mention if I remembered in the evening I would be exhausted from my long days.

My partner was making fun of me yesterday. It was fair. He was joking about how I consider an 8 hour day a short day. That's become my life now. I work so much, and yes, I can usually afford the things I want because of it, but I'm not doing amazing financially. It's all just too much.

[pocketlynx]

It's been a long time since I journaled! I am realizing I really need to keep up on it! It benefitted me a lot!

I finally have an art studio! I'm pretty excited and need to make time to move in and start making art again! I have been overbooking myself and need to get into better habits with that. I should get back into good habits all around.

I want to start doing yoga again, too! It made me feel better and was just a really good way to start the day. It was so much easier to do when I didn't have to start work so early! I'm not much of an early riser, but I think it will be in my best interest to make that a habit. I need to stay up on eating something in the morning, and waking up early to do yoga would help with that.

I want to get back to making dinner, too! That was making a huge difference for our household, and I feel better when I do it. I need to stop making excuses. Work is hard, but it is for everyone. I just need to get better at telling people no. I want to have a life outside of my work. People keep telling me to hire an employee, but I think that would just add more work to my already busy schedule. What I would rather do is just stop offering overnights. I need to get better at just telling people no.

I've had a client who's been dickering on pricing and constantly trying to pay less even though I already offered him a substantial discount. His dog is not easy, either! I almost fired him as a client today when he paid me even less than the already discounted rate. I'm tired of people not respecting or recognizing the work I do. I want time off. I want time to paint. I can't have that and afford to live in Seattle if people don't actually pay what I'm worth. I give above and beyond service in addition to that all. I'm glad I've been going to therapy, and it's been working so well because I am definitely holding stronger to my boundaries now. I'm not willing to put up with people's shit anymore. Pay me or fond a new dog walker.

It blows my mind how little people realize the level of work I am actually doing. It's not just rough on my body, but there is a ton of behind the scenes work that goes into it as well! I have a lot of customers that do seem to realize, but it is annoying that everyone thinks I just have infinite time for their animal. Theu don't think about the fact that I have another 50 people all thinking the same and requesting the same. It's exhausting. I've hit a point where I don't plan on taking on any more clients. I have plenty of people I can refer instead now. I used to worry about turning people down and if I would be able to pay my bills running this business, but it is apparent that I already have enough work. While I still struggle a bit financially, I get by just fine and usually don't have to worry about money. That's my only real goal. To just not have to worry about it. Owning a home would be nice, but it just doesn't seem plausible in our current market.

That's enough griping for now! Hopefully, I can actually keep up on this!

[pocketlynx]

I've been really bad about keeping up on my journaling. Just been super out of it a lot lately. Keep almost doing the thing we're I try to change too much and end up overwhelmed, too. Like, I want to start some good habits, but I'm exhausted just surviving each day. I know I'm not alone in this, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I want to start getting up early enough to go jump into the sound every morning. I just want to spend more time in water in general, and the water where I live is not forgiving. It can be freezing and choppy, but I figure if I get started in the summer it will make acclimating over time easier! I even got my dog a life vest to accompany me. The problem is I am not an early riser.

That's one of the last priorities, too! I still need to fix a bunch of stuff for work, and get better at saving. I've finally gotten on top of taking my vitamins, but only because I go through a subscription service. Whatever works, right?

A top priority is just making sure I eat better. Sugar really messes with my body, but I'm super addicted to it. I'm planning to finally completely cut out alcohol because apparently I am an all or nothing sort of dude, and the after affects just aren't worth it. This is all super difficult because I run my own business and work long days. It would be easier if my partner were more willing to do some of the shopping, but he's not.

I feel like we're both in a huge rut and just feeding off of each other. It's not good and has made us lazy. I just want to feel better. I know routine would help, but I also hate the idea of living my life by a schedule. That's part of the reason I run my own business. I get to decide what my day looks like, for the most part.

It's just hard to keep it all going. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed, too. Everyone always wants money from me, and it's hard enough to get by as it is. How the fuck am I supposed to save when any extra money has to go to the government. I'll never be able to own a home at this rate. Let alone get out of debt. I just wish something or someone would help. I would be doing so much better if unemployment wasn't nagging me for money. I don't actually owe them. I would be doing better if the IRS didn't want a fifth of what I made last year. I would be doing better if credit cards didn't charge 28% interest. The amount of money I pay all these assholes would make a huge difference to my life, and they don't care. I hate owing people money, and it brings me some of the greatest anxiety. I just want to be free from the shackles of debt and capitalism.

That's all I have time for today, but it did feel nice to vent a bit! Now off to the next dog!

Enjoy an art piece I did a while ago! Wish I had more energy to create more! Maybe I'll move into pet portraits some day!

[cock-holliday]

I am a chronic turn signaller. People will be like “there’s no cars around.” Wrong, I’m

1. letting pedestrians know.

2. I’m doing this in case I missed a car or person somewhere, or

2b. I’m gonna be stuck at this intersection til a car or person shows up

3. It makes it a habit

[pocketlynx]

I have been so bad about making sure to write in my "journal"! I really need to set time aside for it, but that is just one of many things I should be doing right now! I don't know how people balance everything. I mean, I know a lot of people feel the same overwhelm that I do, but some of them seem to actually have their shit together, and I want to know how those people do it! I constantly feel like their is more I should be doing, and instead, I sit around and play video games! Most currently Pikmin 4!

I just don't know how to do it. Like, I would need a whole week just to get things to a manageable point and even then I would spend the week doing other shit. I have motivation during the day, but that's when I'm working. Maybe I should go back to making lists. Then I may have some chance of keeping track of all the things I need to do! It's tough having ADHD and trying to run a business. Not to mention the other mental health things I am still learning to work with. I've been trying to post on tiktok more to get over some of my social anxiety and perfectionism, too! It's just all so much!

I need to organize my client info into a document, make alerts know when to request payment from which clients, post on my business social media more, set up my art studio, organize the house, organize my car (I'm actually most of the way along on that one), post to tiktok more, make a new new client form, make a client agreement form for the use of the photos I take, finish all the commissions I've started and take on new ones, make an about us page for my business website, file my taxes, set aside money for taxes next year, finish my claim for unclaimed money in WA, and probably some other stuff I'm forgetting. Like, it's all so much! I know it would be manageable if I took little steps here and there, but even that's hard to do. Especially when I don't have a full say in how the house looks. I love my partner, but he really has a different vision than me, and he says he doesn't care, but then he moves stuff around all the time. I just want our house to look cute and functional! It shouldn't be that hard! If I could just have a couple of days where he wasn't home and I could just redo the entire house, that would be great! I don't know if that will ever happen, though! Even then, when he got back, he would probably just move stuff around again! It feels pointless for me to do any decorating around the house! I want to, but I feel like he always disagrees or just changes it. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much. It would be nice if we had a similar vision. Maybe he really doesn't care and I could do whatever I want. I could always start trying.

That's probably enough pitching about my partner. I'm sure we'll figure something out. We always do.

[npd-vriska]

"i wanna get better at drawing [body part] but i dont want people to think i have a fetish" stop worrying. youre an artist. everyone already knows youre a pervert of some kind.

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

Wow, this "gender free" fashion brand sure doesn't have any AMAB models.

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

Gonna die fucking mad about this. If you can't put someone with a beard in one of your skirts, is your clothing gender neutral? If your brand is full of plus-sized black femmes and white, androgynous bean poles, do you really have a handle on diversity?

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

You passed peer review. Highlighted for emphasis but again:

[arthoesunshine]

i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here

[makomoriz]

Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Amy Krouse Rosenthal

[flipocrite]

(x)

[pocketlynx]

Ahhh! I've been forgetting to blog! How could I! It's been a couple of hectic days. Yesterday was incredibly busy with work, and right at the end of the day, I found out my grandma is in the ICU. I spent today visiting her and seeing family. I spent time with the side of the family that I don't really talk to. I stopped talking to my father some time ago. Goodness! I can't believe how long it's been since I talked to him. I think it's been almost four years. That made it hard to talk to that side of the family for a while. They were still talking to my dad, and I just couldn't trust that he wasn't going to be there. He's made it pretty easy to avoid him now, thankfully for me. The circumstances behind it are pretty sad because of the fact that he got other people involved. He's awaiting trial for first degree arson. My cousin just shared a video today of him having an episode before starting his apartment on fire and affecting three other families. I believe it was three other families. It really is too bad. He destroyed several family memorabilia in addition. It's just like him to involve other people in his stupid mind games. Some of his problems are mental health related, but I feel like he was trying to get attention, and he involved other people to do it. I just can't believe him. I hope they just keep him in jail. No one in the family can take care of him. He'll be impossible to house if he has an arson charge, and I think he needs to learn how to deal with the consequences of his actions. He's been protected and saved by so many people, mostly my grandma, and it's time for him to deal with what happens when he acts like this. I wish the judicial system would actually work and just keep him. I wish they could have actually rehabilitated him. Instead, he always gets out. Someone always bails him out; mostly grandma. He was good at finding ways to charm others into bailing him out or dropping charges, too. I mean, how does someone literally run away from jail while on work crew and only serve six months? It makes absolutely no sense how he always gets away with it. He's admitted to me that he's killed someone before. Honestly, I can't be completely sure he was telling the truth, but I would believe it if he had. His boyfriend, when he was younger, went to prison for him even. I don't know, but he may still be in prison. I believe it was drug charges at the time, but for obvious reasons, I haven't been able to get details. I guess I'm not as over becoming estranged with my dad as I thought. I do still miss him, but he is just too toxic. It's a good thing I'm going to therapy for all of this. My dad has been thr source of many therapy sessions. I'm sure he will continue to be. That's probably enough for today and probably too personal, but honestly I don't expect anyone to read this.

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[pocketlynx]

Almost forgot my word vomit today! Thank goodness I check my apps way to much and was reminded when I saw the Tumblr app! As usual I'm on a walk with a pup while I type this. Today it is Ozzy and Bruno!

They are sweet and good boys! I wish dad had taught them better about not peeing and pooping on other people's plants, though! They actively seek out shrubs to poop on. It makes it very hard to pick up their poop. Apparently today is going to be a big poop talk day.

I start an overnight today as well. I can't believe how busy I ended up considering today is supposed to be one of my easy days! Thankfully, the overnight can go a little bit between potty breaks.

That's enough dog talk, though. I keep getting art ideas, but am having a really hard time executing them. I guess my block still isn't gone. It would help if I had more time devoted to stuff other than my business. It would also help if I had my art space actually set up. I'm not fully sure how I'm going to fit everything in there, but I'll find a way! It is probably time to get rid of some stuff anyway. I feel like a creeper because I took a picture of a stranger today for art inspiration. They were in public and I know it's legal in Washington if the person is in public, but it still felt creepy.

I finally got over some other stuff with asking for financial help from people. It wasn't for me, but I think that made it just a little easier. It was still pretty difficult, though. That's probably enough for today. I really should be focusing on this walk.

[pocketlynx]

Day two of word vomit! I really do want to try to keep up on this! It's hard to find the time, but I'm trying to make it. Currently sitting with a client (I work in pet care) and using this as an opportunity to keep journaling while Emmy gets pets. She's not the biggest fan of me multitasking, but she does appreciate the pets! Emmy for reference pictured below!

She's a very sweet girl!

I feel like I'm always busy now; always tired now. Constantly corresponding with people. My partner and I joke that it never ends. I hear Navi saying "Hey, listen" at least once an hour (She's my notification sound on my phone.) I still have so much more I need to do, too! I did finally get my website up, but now I need to make a new client doc and an about us page. A part of me is looking forward to it, but it is also so time consuming! I also don't know how easy it will be to make a doc that clients can edit so the whole process is easier for them, too! This has been a huge learning curve; running my own business. I just started to get some of my tax documents in, and I'm worried about how much I'll have to pay in income tax. I really should start setting that aside on each payment. I think I will start doing that and storing it in a separate account. There are so many things I still need to send to current clients, too! Maybe I'll just get it all on the website then direct them there! That would be easier than trying to send each individual person all the new stuff. I may lose some clients in this process, but I feel like that wouldn't be too bad. I can always get more. The really good ones would still work with me, too! I really do work for some of the best people! I just want all the I formation on them and their pups stored in a safe place that's easy for me to get to! I'm pretty proud of how the websites turned out so far, too! Nice and funky just like me. Professionalism has never been my strong suit and I don't plan to start now. I do much better with personal.

I can do this and have already been making big progress! I just need to keep in this trajectory! I'm even doing better at posting to my social media accounts for my business!

That sums up my time for today. I'm really hoping this will help. I assume it will!

[pocketlynx]

Not sure why this is, but in my experience people with handicap placards are some of the worst; most aggressive drivers! Maybe it's just Seattle, but it makes absolutely no sense to me! I say this as a disabled person.

[pocketlynx]

It has been ages since I've looked at Tumblr! A lot has changed and I'll be needing to completely revamp my profile!

I'm actually planning to use this account to start journaling! So, it will actually be used as a blog instead of just a space to hold onto others' ideas. The main journaling plan is just to follow "The Artists Way" and write whatever comes to mind for around 15 minutes each day. I'll probably add in photos and the such, too! That will be mostly for me to try to make it look pretty. I want to use that as a time to reflect, recall memories, and share them, and just dump my thoughts! I don't expect I'll say anything too profound, but if I even help one person not feel so alone, that's a win for me! I may switch to a different format in the future, but for now this works! A part of me wants to do the pretty blog with pictures mixed into the text, but that's a lot more work, and takes more time than I currently have to offer.

There was a lot more word vomit than I typed into this, a picture, and tags, but Tumblr decided to eat it and only give a little of what I wrote. We may have to find a different blog based app if problems like this continue. We'll see.