[redacted]

i don't care about my pronouns | entp | a grown up! (21 y/o)

[generously-general]

Tumblr Sexyman Subgenres

I've been wasting time and being a freak on this website for 10+ years. I've witnessed the rise and fall (and crash and burn) of empires. And now, as we crest into the dawn of the Poll Era, I'm doing Very Serious Research into the evolution and expansion of the "Tumblr sexyman" label. Behold, my magnum opus on a shocking case of divergent evolution:

Tumblr Classic (Evil Twinks)

Loki (MCU)

Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)

Bill Cipher (fanon human version courtesy of the incomparable @itsscaredycat) (Gravity Falls)

The Onceler (The Lorax)

The 2013/2014 "my ovaries are exploding" forefathers of the genre. Suits or black tie fashion important but not required. Punchable or ambiguously evil, because teenaged you (and possibly adult you) had some kind of a thing for assholes. More rarely encountered than other Tumblr sexymen these days, but certainly not a dead category (hello Hazbin enjoyers).

Wet and Pathetic (Men Who Whimper)

Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)

Howl Pendragon (Howl's Moving Castle)

Jesus Christ (The Bible)

Will Graham (NBC Hannibal)

The most direct line of evolution from the classic Tumblr sexyman, and the most conventionally attractive. Set off from traditional heartthrobs by the fact that they are one metaphorical dropped ice cream cone away from a sobbing meltdown, a villain origin story, or a legendary crashout. This is a punching bag of a man that a fandom grips tightly in its fist and shakes around in a mad fit of cuteness aggression. Put that man in the microwave/torment nexus/soup.

Old Men (or middle-aged, or prematurely aged, or whatever)

Stanley and Stanford Pines (Gravity Falls)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (Phineas and Ferb)

Gomez Addams (The Addams Family)

Senshi (Delicious in Dungeon)

Symptom of Tumblr's daddy issues and aging user base. These men tend to be somewhat more in line with the unhinged-ness of the Classic sexymen—not necessarily evil, but with a slightly higher tendency to be a weird, off-putting little freak than the Wet and Pathetic type. This is probably the result of a more settled identity, which is very attractive to those of us with back problems and a desire to stop masking all the damn time. You want him to take care of you or you want to take care of him (and sometimes taking care of him still means putting him in a hydraulic press, because you're on Tumblr and you can't act normal about your favorite characters).

That is Not a Human (for Monsterfuckers Et al.)

Mr. Ant Tenna (Deltarune)

Bill Cipher (canon version) (Gravity Falls)

Caine (The Amazing Digital Circus)

Kermit (The Muppet Show)

Does this one need explanation actually. This website is monsterfucker central. Includes object head characters, assorted pixels, monsters, aliens, cryptids, muppets, Transformers, faceless entities (you can argue for Cecil Palmer here), and literally anyone else that doesn't fall under the umbrella of "this person could theoretically pass as a human." Most broad and flexible Tumblr sexyman category.

Much like animal classification and other forms of taxonomy, these categories have wiggle room and crossover. (See Bill Cipher's placement into multiple categories above, for illustrative purposes and because I am a Gravity Falls fan who thinks he's neat.) Fellow Tumblr veterans and scientists: comments are open and debate is encouraged. We gotta peer review ts

(Also hiii @mimosa-sexypeople-contests-2026 if you see this please know that poll participants and your followers are the intended audience of this post and that's why it's in the sexyman poll tags. Ily thank you for hosting and enabling all this nonsense <3)

AND NOW A POLL:

Which Tumblr Sexyman subgenre is your favorite?

Classic Sexyman (Evil Twink)

Wet and Pathetic

Old Men (or Middle-aged, etc.)

That is Not a Human Character

Remaining time: 4 days 6 hours

[winjennster]

[syoddeye]

[onsuchsmallthingstheworldturns]

Galavant (2015) Complete Series : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Sitcom, Comedy, Parody, Adventure, Musical, FantasyA musical comedy adventure featuring a knight on a quest for love who helps a childish ki

All the episodes of Galavant are on the Internet Archive!

[lesbianmarrow]

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

[tunnaa-unnaa]

taking notes

[softieskywalker]

i think the key difference between george lucas’s star wars and disney’s star wars is that lucas is a man with an ideology. someone with a point of view, and all that entails. which comes with ideas of revolution, anti-imperialism, challenging the status quo, cultural appropriation and racist stereotypes. complex and contradictory ideas because that’s how artists are: complex and complicated people. disney is not. disney is a corporation. a corporation can’t have ideology, because ideology defeats the purpose of profit. and when the only thing you do is to turn on the movie manufacturing machine before you sit down and plan what ideas are you trying to convey to the audience, then your results are going to be washed out corporate garbage. and because when you’re a giant corporation who only cares about selling to the widest audience possible, you can’t take sides. you can’t decide on an idea. because you want to sell your product to people who are on the entire political spectrum. which results in movies without ideology, without purpose, without soul.

[david-talks-sw]

I have been looking for this post for years after I came across it and it’s finally here and I need to reblog this because it is absolutely and entirely accurate.

[comebackali]

#as I always say: lucas was making a samurai film and a ww2 flying ace film and a western film and adding laser swords#because he fundamentally LIKED samurai films and dambusters films and westerns and 40’s adventure serials#but disney are making a ‘star wars film’ and adding nothing because it already had laser swords and they have nothing else to say#xerox of a xerox baybeeeee (via harrietvane)

[innerchildabortionclinic]

interesting kink assortment on the dash

[rslashrats]

its funny when "dogs like squeaky toys because it reminds them of hunting and killing prey" gets shared as this "creepy" thing when human toys are really the same. we made soft swords so we could pretend to fight to the death without actually gutting each other

[anti-parent]

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

[anti-parent]

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

[54625]

flicking back through my procreate library what the fuck was this

[inthefallofasparrow]

[puddlebrigade]

Colored for dyslexic bloggers. You know I had to do it to em.

[rabbitindisguise]

Do you love the color of the accessibility ✨

[globalintellectualbeverage]

A Silent Conversation, Gregory Wier

[nattousan]

ok so, I approached my local library with a proposal to donate a mural as a way to A: build portfolio/gain practical experience and B: give back to a beloved public institution. The director was very enthusiastic about it and i've been working on it since the beginning of March. Come with me as I endeavor to paint what is in all honesty an excessive amount of birds

I wanted the birds to look like they were actually in the space so first thing after doing the draft was to do a lighting study

after that I covered the walls in letters in lieu of a projector/vr headset bc i have neither of those :) Then i take a picture of the section of wall and superimpose the lineart over top of it so I can pencil in the lines

et voila

and that was a whole week on it's own so next comes the paintin' >:)

[nattousan]

and now, the birds

Birds 1 and 2/14: Red Winged Blackbird, Male and female, Agelaius phoeniceus

[nattousan]

Bird 3/14, American Robin, Turdus migratorius

[nattousan]

hoo boy, ok *out of breath*

GIVE IT UP FOR BIRD NUMBUH 5, THE CANADIAN GOOSE, Branta canadensis!!!!

this guy took me about 4 days to completely finish, all of those freakingk coverts were a bear to render

[nattousan]

speaking of obnoxious coverts:

bird 5/14, Bluejay, Cyanocitta cristata

the friggin stripes almost got me chat, i may not make it

[nattousan]

Madam....

[nattousan]

birds 6 and 7: American Goldfinch, Spinus tristis, male and female

pleasantly simple to paint! next is the flickerrrrr

[nattousan]

*melts into goo*

BIRD NUMBER 8, (yellow shafted) NORTHERN FLICKERRRRR, Colaptes auratus

genuinely made me start questioning my sanity around day 3, it's half the size the of the goose, WHY did it take me 4 days to finish??

nothing but pain and suffering, i'm sure hope the next bird will be much easier and with FAR less barring :)

[nattousan]

in other news, I am losing my mind hairline

[nattousan]

SHE'S DONE!!

Bird number 9: Red-tailed hawk, Buteo jamaicensis

my chains are broken i am FREE. although i did have a great deal of fun with this, the barring on the wings itself took me like four days and i am READY to move on

this was a week and a half of continuous work so please excuse me for getting a little emotional in the bg 🙏

[nattousan]

*does a little jig*

BIRD NUMBER 10!!! The Male Mallard Duck, Anas platyrhynchos

the male and female ones are gonna be posted separately bc they're taking a lot longer lol but yea! super happy i was able to capture the iridescent green of the head, i found metallic green and blue paint at a craft store that really made his head POP. it looks better in person i promise

ALSO!! As this is the 10th one, BIG announcement. The end is in sight!!!!! I plan to finish within the next 3 weeks and there will be a small dedication ceremony/ unveiling happening at the library to commemorate its completion on the 16th of May. If you live in the Western New York region and want to check it out for yourself shoot me a dm!

Also thank you everyone for your kind words and support throughout this whole process, it's been a genuine treat thinking there are potentially thousands of you out there cheering me on while I paint this 🥹

[nattousan]

aaaand another one bites the duck,

we're movin right along with bird numero 11!! The lady Mallard!! Anas platyrhyncos

the 16th is looming in the distance so i'm trying to get thru these as quickly as i can so i can have as much time for the GBH as possible. i still need to do the names next to all of them so i've got about a week and a half to finish everything which is GREAT because i have adhd and nothing gets my ass in gear like a fuckin deadline, let me tell you

[nattousan]

power couple that they are, here's bird number 12 and 13,

the Northern Cardinals, Cardinalis cardinalis

and NOW that they are complete, ITS GO TIME, in the next five days (library's closed for mother's day 😭😭) i need to have the GBH fully rendered, the names of the birds vectored, weeded, masked, applied to the wall, and then painted, plus additional cattails throughout. I may be able to get away with just getting the GBH done in time for the unveiling and then just have the names and cattails added later, but i'm gonna really try to get it all done in time. BUT, i have a plan. Part of why i take so long on these is because i really am just figuring it out as I do it lmao. there have been many a time where i am sitting on top of the ladder googling "how to paint birds" but I think if i take the time tomorro to do all that figuring out how to approach it beforehand, this will go a lot faster. I may also recruit some of my artist friends to help with the placing of the names... hrmm we'll see.

Anyways, shout out to the librarian who tracked down exactly the thing i needed so i could figure out where to place the highlights in my birds eyes, ur the real mvp

[nattousan]

thanks for the reminder, kid

[nattousan]

at long last, we've reached the end...

Bird number 14 out of 14,

The Great blue heron, Ardea herodius

thank you to everyone who reached out or got excited about this project, it genuinely gave me the fuel i needed to keep going. In total, the 480+ total hrs it took me to cover this wall pales in comparison to how long its expected to spend on there, hopefully imparting a sense of beauty and love for the natural world to the next generation and here's hoping i'm only getting started with these.

i'll see y'all soon :')

[nosongunsung11]

collection of posts for a very specific dynamic

[c-53]

I have a bisexual guppy and its funny as hell to watch because it seems like he’s only bi out of desperation. Like all of the female guppies are unimpressed by him, and dont accept his mating displays, and every time he fails, he goes over to a SPECIFIC male guppy (the prettiest male guppy in the tank) like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE and that male guppy always lets him????

[domnika-deactivated20250923]

i would read that fanfic ngl

[c-53]

About my fish??

[graceful-not]

HELP?????

[everyfandom-girl]

YEAH THIS IS SCIENTIFICALLY RECORDED

WOMEN LOVE GAYBOY

[tea-and-hockey]

FUJOSHI FISH????

[tlirsgender]

We need more women characters who are Male Protagonists. You know. Slightly haggard. She's splashing cold water on her face and gripping the edge of the sink staring in the mirror for a minute. She's coping badly with her deadwife

[torstherapy]

[dogpuppy]

[chickenmim]

Dude... allow me to add to your trove.

I have a folder of these on my phone... I'm not sure what that says about me!

[teaboot]

This has always bothered me too and it didn't make sense until someone older told me that when they were growing up "scare quotes" were used the way we used *asterisks* or ALL CAPS for emphasis

[bees-with-swords]

"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

[hearnoweevil]

Last year I finally had an excuse to illustrate this simple little Tumblr story I've had bookmarked forever for class.

I hope you like it :]

[messsssmer]

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

[fireknightqueelign]

thy mother

[messsssmer]

Art thou for fucking real