Repulsive

This is a vent blog. I am a man suffering from cptsd, cocsa, csa, and bpd.

[furiousgoldfish]

living with abusive parents be like: *gets criticized for appearance* *gets called out for something everyone else does without punishment* *gets shamed for not knowing information you were never told* *gets punished for someone else’s bad mood* *why can’t you be more like xyz?* *you’re always like this* *gets left out of any positive family events* *gets chased away from dinner with insults* *gets criticized for spending too much time alone in your room* *gets shamed for not keeping up appearances* *gets blamed for stuff you had nothing to do with*

[privately-owned-galaxy]

Me: I dont have any triggers that dont make sense. I just cant think if any that wouldnt be obvious !

The entire state of Florida:

[traumaeyed-deactivated20210519]

reblog this if you want to die

[howling-suggestions]

Fragile as glass but I don't fucking wanna be, I don't want people to look at me and wonder who fucked me up so bad, I don't want to be triggered by the smallest things that never bothered me before, I don't want this, I don't fucking want this.

[privately-owned-galaxy]

Looking back on it, I genuinely believe he wouldnt have killed me if I fought back.

And all this has taught me is that it's my fault more than I truly realized.

[privately-owned-galaxy]

You murdered who I could have been

[incestinfants]

I SHOULDNT KNOW RAPE AS A CHILD

[csa-trauma]

maybe you’ll finally believe me when I’m dead

[islxnf]

i wish i had killed myself

𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧

ɪ ᴡɪsʜ ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴋɪʟʟᴇᴅ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ

𝕚 𝕨𝕚𝕒𝕙 𝕚 𝕙𝕒𝕕 𝕜𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗

𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏

𝒾 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝒾 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁ℯ𝒹 𝓂𝓎𝓈ℯ𝓁𝒻

[csa-trauma]

It’s not my fault, right?

It was his fault

It’s not my fault I was just a kid it can’t be my fault

He’s to blame

[privately-owned-galaxy]

If you come anywhere near me I will rip your fucking throat out with my goddamn teeth.

You're lucky I didnt bite your dick off when you did those wretched things to me you twisted fuck.

[invictus1875]

Abuser: *doesn't make eye contact in the hallway*

Me: hah. Fucking coward. Can't even look me in the eye after what you did, huh?

Abuser: *makes eye contact in the hallway*

Me, shaking: noNONONONO I WASN'T PREPARED FOR THIS STOP-

[bpdcoric]

[privately-owned-galaxy]

"Everything will get better-"

Shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up.

It's been 8 fucking years and every day my life sinks lower. Countless therapists and medications and I'm still getting worse. The Universe made its choice and it chose that the only way to fix this is to kill myself.

[ojibwa]

[bpdcoric]

[teddyspit-deactivated20200117]