life is short and so am i

struggling actress but mostly struggling hi im cassidy hero of ferelden

[professional-disappointment]

To Those of You Who Want to Kill Yourself

Today, November 3 is the one year anniversary of the time I tried to commit suicide.

Here’s what I would have missed if I succeeded:

Learning to play the piano

Visiting San Francisco

The birth of my niece

Visiting Canada

Going to Disneyland

Going to Anime Expo

Making new friends

Reconnecting with old ones

Watching Lion King the Musical

Becoming 5 months clean from self harm

Spending the holidays with family

Learning how to drive

Trying revolving sushi for the first time

Horse back-riding

Getting therapy

And most importantly

The start of my journey of getting better

I can’t guarantee that things are going to change right off the bat but I promise that it’ll be worth sticking around. There are still some days where I don’t feel like being alive, but comparing who I am now to the depressed girl sitting alone in a mental hospital I used to be, a lot has changed. Please, stay a little longer.

. 1 [phone] National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

[professional-disappointment]

UPDATE:

November 3rd, 2017

I am still breathing. I am still alive. For the first time in my life I am

Happy.

I know I haven't been on here in a while but it's the three year anniversary of the day I tried to commit suicide and not a day goes by where I am not thankful that the doctors pumped my stomach and prevented me from overdosing. Although this isn't everything, since I made this list I:

Took a two week trip around Europe

Reached my senior year of high school

Went on a road trip across nine different states to see National Parks with my best friend

Learned to drive

Had lots of carpool karaoke sessions with my friends

Was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and learned how to cope with it

Had a week long sleepover when my parent’s went out of town

Tried alcohol for the first (and probably last) time

Explored Los Angeles and shopped in the fashion district

Went to homecoming

Got contact lenses

Went to my first school football game

Took my senior photos

Had many many many Southern California exploring adventures

Took up acting again

Became 10 months free of self harm (after a bit of relapsing)

Adopted a third dog

Had my first crush on a girl

Came out as bisexual!

And soon I'll be going on a month long trip to the Philippines this December. I'm not saying that these past few years have been complete bliss- for instance, dealing with the death of my grandfather, family drama, relapsing, and especially cutting ties with one of my closest friends who stood by me when I was at my weakest. At the time, she was my biggest spokesperson to stay alive, but as the years went on it felt as though we were holding onto something that wasn’t there anymore and letting go was the best option (and the hardest) for both of us to learn to grow as separate people. I will always love her, but there are some folks you keep in your heart, and not your life.

Recovery is a long, difficult, and at times, a seemingly impossible process to reach the end of. But I promise you, it’s worth it. We don’t get to choose happiness but one thing I’ve realized is that you have to try to stay alive even when everything inside of you is saying it would be easier to end it all. Stay alive for the future, because we are the generation who will advocate for those who don’t feel quite right in their body. Stay alive so you can encourage others to do the same. And some day, there will come a time where you look back and wonder why you were ever worried. You’re gonna be okay, kid.

.

International Suicide Hotlines:

Argentina: [phone]

Australia: 131114

Austria: 017133374

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil: 212339191

Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)

China: 85223820000

Croatia: 014833888

Denmark: [phone]

Egypt: 7621602

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 0145394000

Germany: 08001810771

Holland: 09000767

India: 8888817666

Ireland: [phone]

Italy: 800860022

Japan: [phone]

Mexico: 5255102550

New Zealand: 045861048

Norway: [phone]

Philippines: 028969191

Poland: 5270000

Russia: 0078202577577

Spain: 914590050

South Africa: 0514445691

Sweden: 46317112400

Switzerland: 143

United Kingdom: 08457909090

USA: 18002738255

[not-like-the-restaurant]

Friend: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in forever! how are you?”

me: “Fine, thanks.”

Lemony Snicket from outta nowhere: “Of course, in this case, ‘fine’ is only meant to reassure. She has never been less fine, nor was she ever fine in the first place. Here, the word ‘fine’ could be defined as ‘I am actually slowly dying on the inside, but don’t wish for anyone to worry’.

[shez-a-dove-deactivated20161204]

take me back to 2009 so i can experience hearing tik tok for the first time again

[haircutwizard]

[brucebocchi]

living with anxiety is basically this vine on an infinite loop

[mindblownie]

in other news today i found out that eddie redmayne has a degree in art history and for his diploma he wrote a 12k words analysis of a picture that’s basically a blue square on a black background; the thing was it was a very unique shade of blue, actually used there for the first time ever; however, being colorblind, i quote, he had no idea what the colour was but well, it looked very pretty to him

and somehow i find this very uplifting i mean if you can pull sth like that off, write a 12k words thesis on a colour you don’t even recognize properly, anything is possible and this is the story of how eddie redmayne officially became my saint patron of high level academic bullshitting

[awkward-critter]

truly inspirational

[amazingmars]

self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the Fucking void

[ninasdrafts]

She was born with fierceness in her heart, a wildness that set her apart from others. When she loved, it was all-consuming and white-hot, spreading from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes like wildfire and when she lost, shadows swallowed her whole, plunging her into darkness. But every time she found her fire extinguished, she came back burning brighter than before. Her faith in herself reduced her fears to ashes.

The phoenix n.j. (via ninasdrafts)

[acrylicqueen]

“WOULd YOU LIKE T O?”

[cassercole]

toooooo real 

[riverselkie-deactivated20190510]

i want to run away…but like in ghibli movie. like i take a block of cheese a loaf of bread and some apples and wander through the flower-specked mountains wrapped up in a shawl and i happen to wander into a moving castle and fall in love with a cute wizard

[undereyelouisvuittons-deactivat]

I love when pigeons get into shopping centres it’s like “lol what you gonna buy”

[ameriqan]

what do u look for in a boy

i look away

[gosh]

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.

Henry David Thoreau, Walden  (via teenager90s)

[professional-disappointment]

my appearance: *has a minor blemish; barely noticeable*

me: well I guess if I can't be beautiful, my only other option is clearly To Die

[hocotate]

NONE of this would be happening in the Berenstein universe

[makestheworldtastegood]

Obama: No matter what happens, the sun will rise in the morning The sun:

[theoldreclaimingasia]

A white: but saying Asians are naturally smart is POSITIVE discrimination:)))

Me: The model minority myth was invented by whites as a tool of antiblackness to create divisions between communities of color and prove that ‘anyone can succeed in America if they just TRY hard enough!!1!’ thereby implying that antiblackness is black ppl’s own fault for not TRYING enough. Additionally, it relies on false interpretations of data and hurts the opportunities of all Asians, particularly less privileged ones, and dehumanizes Asians by furthering stereotypes of us as some kind of innately robot-like monolithic-minded hive, devalues our individual accomplishments and uses us as a tool to further antiblackness

[kebtor-deactivated20180122]

i love this post

[bibberly]

As a teacher, I can say with certainty that “smart” stereotypes are absolutely not positive for my Asian students. A few things I’ve heard repeatedly:

- Asian student gets the highest grade on a test; other students say, “Well, of course he/she got an A.” Any work the student did is minimized because it’s assumed perfect scores come naturally.

- Asian student is in a class for lower-performing students; other students question aloud whether he/she is really Asian and/or in the right class.

- Asian student gives a wrong answer in an advanced class; other Asian kids say, “You can’t be on our team anymore.” White kids say, “You’re one of us today.” Jokes ensue.

- Teachers complain that Asian students did poorly on district or state tests. Actual quote: “With a name like that, he should have brought up our class average.”

Those are just some of the most common comments, but there are many others. There is no way this stereotype is positive for these kids.