psychoticangel

the only thing I am good at is destroying myself

[psychoticangel]

Loneliness if it was her

She never goes away

She lingers and watch me fade away

She is the lingering thought I sleep with

And she is the first thought I wake up with

I wanna ask her how long will you stay in my body

But I fear I already know the answer

She is here to stay

She never goes away

[madeinmadness]

To all the people who constantly zoned out and daydreamed as a kid and probably told off for it, who learnt how to cry silently before the age of ten and maybe stopped crying entirely, who used books as an escape method and would constantly daydream about running off to a fantasy world, who is most likely now a burnt-out neurodivergent who didn't get diagnosed early so they self-diagnosed instead, and who now wants to groan at the thought of having to wake up another day,

how's the childhood trauma, deep-rooted love hate relationship with your parents, lack of self-esteem and sense of self, and raging queerness doing? you good?

[jadeaftercoffee]

with you, i have learned the shape of calm.

[psychoticangel]

I've waited for you for years,

But now that you're here

When I am too broken to have you

That means it's too late

I don't deserve you.

[psychoticangel]

she is not weak.

She is more dangerous to herself than anyone else in the whole world.

[psychoticangel]

The little girl in me dreams about you as

I don't want to be just loved

I want you to accept me the way I am

I want you to hold my hand even though I would never ask you to

I want you to never let me go when I push you away

I want you to forgive me when I'll screw up

I want you to trust me the way I'll trust you with my heart 

I want you to stand by me when I am all alone

I want to get lost with you in our own world

I want to hide you as my secret so no can ruin us.

[psychoticangel]

A girl who craved for attention so much

That when she got it from evil and monsters

She accepted it and played along.

A girl who always keep waiting for her knight in armour to save her has changed into the villian of her own story.

A girl whose dreams were crushed by the crucial reality

[psychoticangel]

Today, the two closest people in my life discovered marks on my wrist and asked me about it. And like the world class liar I am I gave them fake reason behind those marks. But the funny thing is I don't even feel a little bit of remorse for lying or no anxiety for them to discover my vulnerability. This is crazy right? What the fuck is wrong?

[psychoticangel]

Why am I getting worst and worst at socializing?

[psychoticangel]

I am who ruin everything

And I run away from problems

I am a fighter but a coward

I treat people like shit and expect them to treat me like a queen

I want to be loved but

Sometimes I hurt people and I feel no remorse

I act before realizing what I am doing

And then I am into denial as if it was not my fault in the beginning

I crave attention but I also want people to forget about my existence

[psychoticangel]

My demons, you are back

Darkness, you are looming all around me

Hatred, you are making me the worst

Hope, you are long gone

[psychoticangel]

Anyone knows that feeling when you hate yourself to that extreme level that you start to harm yourself and ruin your dignity because you feel you are worthless?

[psychoticangel]

You can't piece together my broken soul,

No one can.

You can't bring light to my darkness,

trust me many tried but never got lucky enough.

And that's why you should walk away right this second,

because I am afraid I am about to break one more heart by giving you false hope.

[psychoticangel]

The past is haunting me,

The future is out of my league,

And in the present I am stuck with guilt and shame.

[psychoticangel]

Where do I belong ?

Is there any place in this world, where I could belong to ?

Because, I am certain there's none.

Sometimes, I don't understand my role or my place in this world.

It feels like a passenger in an unknown train not knowing the destination.

[psychoticangel]

You were so desperate to be loved,

that you trusted wrong people.

You got too attached to others,

and it broke your heart everytime they left you.

[psychoticangel]

What is rain ?

That soothing sound of water splashing on my window.

That strong moist wind that feels like feather on my skin.

That sharp roar of storm that calms the storm inside me.

That drops falling down from heaven to mix with the tears falling down my face.

As if to say I am not the only one crying in this cruel world, that even God's cry someday.