i think it’s easy to blame this all on girls wanting internet points- that’s definitely a factor, but i think it’s not fair to what’s actually happening. it seems to be a kind of neo-political lesbianism, but less aware, less intentional, and with different reasons. but to get to that, we have to establish some basics.
compulsory heterosexuality is the idea that womyn are raised with the expectation of heterosexuality. i think we can all agree that girls are inundated with societal messages about marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, future husbands, PIV sex, boy crushes, etc from childhood. we also get taught about what it’s like for boys and men to be interested in us (scary, but don’t worry about it!) and how we’re expected to give them what they want (either out of obligation as womyn or out of fear of retaliation). male validation/attraction are what we should all strive for, and the best way to get it is by being available to men.
very few girls get to see alternatives that aren’t ridiculed and ostracized, even when said womyn are straight, but don’t partner with men: divorced womyn, spinsters, celibate womyn, nuns, etc, all treated as weirdos, talked about like they’re broken. lesbian womyn get this treatment + homophobia, and so additionally get seen as creepy predators that want to fuck straight womyn and steal them from their husbands or w/e. point is, girls are raised with the expectation of heterosexuality, and taught that not meeting that expectation is Bad™.
i think actual lesbians (female homosexuals) and poli lezzes agree up to here, but disagree that this brainwashing is all that makes up sexuality, and that one can choose to be a lesbian, that desiring men is all mental, that lesbianism is an action that can be taken to escape patriarchy. that’s something deserving of its own post, but the main takeaway is the idea of lesbianism as an escape from men.
now let’s look at the tiktok girls- what do they think lesbianism is?
these girls have a pretty messed up view on sexuality and themselves overall. they’ve been exposed to porn, to queer/gender ideology, to kink culture, to hypersexual images of womyn. they’ve been told that it’s normal to date people they’re not sexually interested in, that it’s bigotry to not put out for anyone that’s marginalized enough, and that sex is something done to them (and that that’s hot and empowering). also, labels don’t really mean anything and it’s cool and rebellious to claim a label people don’t want you to claim. also, we see a lot of depictions of men being violent and scary, especially sexually (see again, porn). not a healthy place to start.
there’s something revealing about how they define lesbian too. lesbians are “non-men attracted to non-men” or “femme-people attracted to femme-people” or “womyn and non-binary people attracted to womyn and non-binary people”– basically, just not attracted to men. and their depictions of lesbians are either soft and cute (holding hands, forehead kisses, cute girls being cute) or grossly pornographic and male-inclusive (anything involving mtfs lol).
so why do i say it’s neo-polilez? i think these girls by and large are afraid of male violence, of being made sexually available and vulnerable to men. they’re already trying to escape the violence womyn face by identifying out of womynhood, it’s not really a big reach that they’d try to escape it a little more by identifying as lesbians, which is defined as… not being attracted to *men*. queer ideology has successfully convinced a lot of them that maleness isn’t the problem unless they’re “cis” and masculine. and the label of lesbian provides some fleeting idea of protection, this idea that they’re largely unavailable to men unless they choose to make an exception. and lesbians have a tradition of gender nonconformity, of being unappealing to men, of dressing however they want- if hyperfemininity is also unappealing, then that just makes the label more enticing. i think these last two (unavailability + doing what you want) are part of what makes the lesbian label “cool” to them, also.
these bisexual or even straight girls see the “lesbian masterdoc” or similar explanations of lesbian sexuality, find the explanation of “comphet”, and convince themselves they’re simply brainwashed into being finding men attractive. and they “like” girls, think they’re pretty, maybe even think they’re hot (for the straight girls, this can mean correctly reading that they’re performing attractiveness-to-men and mistake it for being attracted to them), and they’d like to cuddle with a girl, hold hands with her, etc. that sounds nice, safe, something anyone sane would want. and apparently that makes them a lesbian, since that’s what all these people online are saying, and after all, they’re not attracted to men!
so they claim to be lesbians… but because they’re still male-attracted, will find excuses to allow themselves to express or act on their natural feelings. they will cling to the label of lesbian even if they’re having sex with men, because “this is just me struggling with comphet” or “he’s not really a man, he’s got non-binary energy” or “well he’s my ONE exception, i’m totally a lesbian otherwise.”
there’s of course some contribution of internet points, being queer to be cool, etc, but i don’t think that’s the main think driving these girls. i think it’s largely a cope for living under patriarchy, with hypersexual culture, with the expectations of increasingly violent sex if you’re into men, with expectations of hyperfemininity, etc. it’s the same cope as male-attracted old school polilezzes use(d), but with a lot less self-awareness/intention: identifying as a lesbian to escape patriarchy.
and as usual, lesbians get to deal with erasure now and the aftermath later :’)
jacobvanloon
dededos
dailybridgerton
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
blakekathryn
