Being Present

One girl in this big world, on a journey. Living...Learning...Loving ...and Laughing along the way. Scroll to the bottom and start my journey at "The beginning"

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I want to be the girl..

I want to be the girl that stands up for herself when she’s being put down. I want to be that girl that speaks her mind, because her opinions matter. I want to be the girl that expresses her emotions, because her feelings matter. I want to be the girl thats comfortable in her own skin, that looks in the mirror and loves what she sees. I want to be the girl who’s biggest fan is herself, because confidence matters. I want to be a girl who is successful in everything she does, who dreams big and never settles. Most of all I want to be the girl that people look up to, the kind if girl people aspire to be. A girl who is intelligent, kind,positive, loving, caring and grateful. I want to be the girl I’ve always imagined I will be that girl…

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Change.

"All great change is preceded by chaos" I really stood by this quote when times were tough, and it couldn't have been more true. A year ago on my birthday I was in quarantine and was longing "touch" , I even wrote a piece on it and how much I craved touch. One year later on my birthday Dec.4th I got engaged! Its so hard to believe that the tough times will pass when you are living in them, but they do. "This too shall pass" I have never been happier. I feel great my health is great, my relationship is great my life is great! I know from what I have experienced that life isn't always "great" but when it is you really need to sit in it and enjoy it. When it isn't great you have to remember that one day it will be, it will all pass and and every morning that the sun comes up you remain thankful. I now have someone that I love SO much that I get to spend the rest of my life with, going through the ups and downs will be so much better with him by my side. If I would have looked into my future one year ago I would have never imagined I would have all of this. We have struggled financially, and now we own a home, we have struggled with health and were both healthy, we have struggled with our relationship and were now we are engaged. It really is all possible if you never give up and always believe in what you want, in each other and most importantly yourself:)

[radioactivechic-blog]

A Year of New

It has been one year since my  Radioiodine Treatment. Hard to believe a year ago I was locked in a hospital room for 4 days. I haven't blogged much since, not because I haven't had interest but for the simple fact that I have been trying to live my life and let go of my past. My disease was and always will be apart of me but I didn't want to exist in a problem. My life has been so amazing that I am working really hard at staying in the present moment and enjoying every moment. In the past year I have improved all of my relationships and focus only on the important relationships in my life. I don't spend time on things that aren't true or things that don't matter to me. I work really hard at living my life with full gratitude. My relationship with my boyfriend has only gotten stronger, we are so in love on a whole new level. Just two months ago we purchased our first home, its perfect. As for my health I feel pretty great, I feel like it has taken this long for my body to get back to normal. After the treatment my hair,skin and nails were affected. My hair got very thin and unhealthy which for me was tough as I am a hairstylist and am expected to have great looking hair 24/7 (as if, u should see me on days off aha). I started to take vitamins especially Biotin and kept my diet very clean. I felt like my skin just wasn't the same and my nails were at times very brittle. But hell, if that's all I have to complain about I'm doing really good, it could always be worse. I like to think I got pretty lucky. I feel like now my energy is back and we have my medication pretty straightened out. It took about 4 different doses before we hit the right one. I do get tired often especially if I am hormonal but don't we all! Coincidentally Steve and I watched " The Fault in our Stars" this weekend. Talk about emotional. It was hard for me to watch as it is about cancer and love and all the bullshit that can come with life, but all the beauty it can bring as well. Such an amazing movie and a perfect reminder of what is important in life. When it comes down to the end  whether it be soon or in 80 years, all that you take with you and all you have when someone you loves goes, is connection and memories. We are stuck in a society so focused on money, power and things. I'm not saying these things don't have value but they aren't what is most important in life. So here I am been through a scare that changed my views and my importance, now it is my job to take what I have learned into my daily thoughts and actions and apply them.  At times it is hard because I too live in this money hungry cold society and sometimes I do get lost in it, but at the end of the day I will not forget who and what is most important to me and my heart. I want to continue to live with true love and pure gratitude, I'm not perfect and sometimes slip but I know what's in my heart will always pull me back on track. I want to continue to inspire people to live in positivity, to focus on the good and to keep smiling! Try to seek what makes your soul happy and do that, that's what I'm doing and I love it and continue to have an amazing love for life and all it brings :) xo Tan

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Self Acceptance

Its amazing to me that you can tell someone that they are beautiful, amazing, gorgous, strong; whichever, but if you dont feel it within it means nothing. If you dont look in the mirrior and feel beautiful or wonderful you wont be able to understand what everyone else sees. I look around every day and see and hear people constantly needing everyone elses approval of themselves or their decisions. Self-confidence shines out to others. I find there is a definate line between self confidence and putting up a confident front. Trying to “act” strong or confident doesn’t work, trying to “act” anyway doesn’t work. Being real works. We all know confidence doesn’t always come easy, the best we can do is try. Im sure we are all guilty of staring at ourselves in the mirror pointing out every little thing that bugs us about our skin, body, hair, nails all of it! We should all try to point out all your own possitive aspects physically and mentally. Nobody is perfect but loving who you are and the choices you make will shine. Wanting to improve yourself is one thing, but love what you have in the meantime. We are all so quick to judge everyone else when WE are what matters the most. We deal with enough criticism in the world, the least we can do is say nice things about ourselves and the people around us♡

Give yourself a stamp of approval ✔

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For we must be patient, positive and persevere to succeed. Life is mysterious and we must have a strong belief that what will be will be. “Que sera, sera”. Push your point of positivity, try not to step over the line of being anxious. Anxiety fills our minds with negative energy, it is sometimes hard too control our own minds but we can start with daily reminders and daily practices. It doesn't matter where you start just start ♥

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Reverse it.

We are a society full of Can’t instead of CAN. Shouldn’t instead of SHOULD. Didn’t instead of DID. Wont instead of WILL. Criticize instead of EMBRACE, hate instead of LOVE. Anger instead of HAPPINESS. Negative instead POSITIVE.

Let’s reverse the sentences as whole. We need it, We need to start visualizing, thinking and speaking those points reversed.

Know that you CAN. Feel like you SHOULD. Say that you DID. Believe that you WILL. EMBRACE LOVE and HAPPINESS. To live a POSSITIVE LIFE♥

[radioactivechic-blog]

Most people I speak to do not even know what a thyroid is our the role it plays in or body. The thyroid is a major organ. Do all of us “thyroid disease” people a favour and learn. It’s ok if you dont know but learning and gaining knowledge why we are the way we are helps. There is nothing worse then feeling misunderstood our constantly having to explain yourself. Here is a quick read!

[radioactivechic-blog]

March.18th

Yesterday marks the day I had a full thyroidectomy. That day will forever be etched in my brain. That day was the scariest day of my life but at the same time was the most enlightening day of my life. That day I realized how little control I had over my life and what happens in it, that day I had to let go of control, throw my hands up in the air, and surrender. I surrendered myself to fate, whatever happened was going to happen. I have taken this analogy into my daily life, at times it is hard and I need constant reminders. I remind myself that everything happens for a reason and to see the good in EVERYTHING, even if its so small. My mind and my body have come so far in this year, I am fully recovered, happy, healthy and cancer free!

[radioactivechic-blog]

Fuck Cancer...gain knowledge

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Lets Talk

Our brains run our body, day in , day out, and yet its the one organ we tend to ignore. Mental Illness is a silent killer, lets raise our voices and raise awarness to ment health.

[thepillowfortuk]

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thepillowfortuk:

In the first issue of The Pillow Fort Magazine:

- 46 beautiful, individually designed pages

- 19 submissions (articles, photography, comics and more) from young people around the world with chronic illnesses

- Just some of the things inside: travelling with chronic illness; improving your mornings; yoga stretches; adjusting to temporary remission; the effects of invisible illness; the fantasy of fresh starts; and readjusting dreams.

This magazine has been several months in the making and I’m confident it won’t disappoint!

Get your copy here and please share widely! 

Oh, and if you become an affiliate, you get 35% of every issue sold through your unique link - so please help me spread the word! 

So happy to be apart of this! Please help share for young people around the world dealing with chronic illness. See my article on page 32 along so many other great pieces! :)

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The Art of "letting go"

Now is the time for me to “let go”. Letting go of what has happened to me and making sure it doesnt become me, I dont want my “disease” to be me. It was and still is a huge part of me but it will not become me. I want to be sure to let go of any anger I have, for what has happened to me. I titled this piece The Art of Letting Go, because I feel that being able to accept the things that have happened in the past on a day to day basis is truly an Art. We must accept that the past is over and let go of the hope that it could have been any different. If someone or something has done you wrong let go of that anger. Anger is a demon that festers inside of you disrupting your inner peace and happiness. The only power and control we have is over ourselves and our own minds in the present moment. So accept your past, be happy in the present,  and have faith in your future. This is an Art im willing to perfect :)

[digbicks]

What I Be Project, Steve Rosenfield

Photographer Steve Rosenfield recently asked subjects far and wide to complete the following statement: "I am not my ___ ". He prompted individuals to fill in the blank with their deepest and darkest insecurities, moving people to bring issues regarding body image, substance abuse, mental illness, race and sexuality to the forefront. The results of the social experiment of sorts is a photography series titled the What I Be Project, an intimate examination of the anxieties and inhibitions that plague men and women of all ages. 

The “What I Be Project” is all about honesty.

In today’s society, we are told to look or act a certain way. If we differ from these “standards,” we are often judged, ridiculed, and sometimes even killed over them.

By stating “I am not my_____,” people are claiming that they do in fact struggle with these issues, but it does not define who they are as a person. It is not aimed for people to say “You’re not fat,” or “You don’t have love handles.” It is to spread awareness on what people go through due to society’s paved roads. These are serious issues that some of us can live with, but most battle on a day to day basis. 

I am not my shame.

I am not my gender.

I am not my image.

I am not my turban.

I am not my weakness.

I am my amputation.

I am not my bi-polar disorder.

I am not my adoption.

I am not my number.

I am not my vision.

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Unreal.

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Loving♥

For we all have in common that we are on a quest to find someone in this life to love.  When we find someone we love we want to show them that love,  through touch,  through words or even through thoughts. We choose to think positive things about them, We chose to accept all there quirks,flaws; We chose to be with them for a good portion of or lives, day in and day out. They’re not perfect but in your eyes they are… because you love them without conditions. But…how about ourselves? The one person your with “forever”. Do we spend time showing love to ourselves, do we say positive things to ourselves or think great things about ourselves?  Do we accept ourselves, for all that we are, flaws and quirks? Do we love ourselves without conditions?  Because to me… that should be our first quest for love.