its true that the people you have the closest relationships with are those with the greatest population level statistical probability to hurt you, but this is in just the same way that you're more likely to slip and break your back in the shower in your domicile as opposed to a shower in a stranger's home.
or that you're more likely to fall out of a tree youve climbed many times before rather than one you havent touched.
this doesn't mean it's sensible to resolve to only shower in other people's houses, or only climb trees you're not climbing.
if you care about the role of malicious intentionality in this case then the obvious fact remains that you're more likely to be in danger from a serial killer in your city than one in a city on the other side of the world. but from this fact does not follow that you should leave this city for that one, because this fact arises from the simple fact that you're more likely to interact with things you're interacting with.
hence, you're also far more likely to engage in mutually fulfilling, joyful, respectful, healing, and deeply meaningful long term relationships with people you are close to with than strangers you pass on the street.
The statistical reality that one is more likely to be hurt by the people they're closest to does not necessarily logically point to some dark dismal truth about human relationships, but is simply an artifact of those people being the ones with whom you interact the most. It's part of the nature of a local reality formed by a network of causal relations.
From this does not follow that social isolation is correct, any more than the notion that one should avoid eating food because food might be contaminated. Yes, eating is risky, but also necessary to live well, and there are some tried and true techniques to minimize that risk to almost nil. Yes, engagement with social connection is risky, but even though most violence is done in interactions between close relations, it's also true that the vast majority of social interactions between close relations are nurturing and fulfilling, and only a small proportion overall is harmful. And there are reliable ways to minimize that risk too.
yes, that small proportion of sexual violence has an outsized impact, and yes, we should take steps to minimize it. I'm obviously not saying that we shouldn't take serious steps to minimize familial sexual violence, and there are a lot of meaningful critiques of the nuclear family model that i won't get into here.
but to take the statistical fact that "most abusive violence occurs within close social bonds" and conclude that the problem is intimate connection itself rather than specific toxic patterns, is not actually as rational as it seems and is, again, akin to saying that because people get food poisoning when eating food, that food itself is the problem rather than specific pathogens that can be successfully defended against.
Especially getting into this worry about causing harm to the people closest to you because of the population level statistics is sort of putting the epistemic cart before the horse. you know the real specifics of your relationship dynamics far better than a statistical average does.
I'm not trying to come across as mean or shitty about this, i'm just pushing back on the rationalizing of this mindset in a way i hope is helpful. cause ive been in places w similar dynamics.
Existence is risky, and engagement with the world is risky. it can be tempting to try to isolate oneself completely. but that straight up doesn't work. there's no way to cut off all possibility of harm by cutting off all connections without also severing the connections one needs to live well. And there are wiser, more skillful means of minimizing the risk of harm without also cutting off the positive.
and there are beautiful states and perspectives and relationships and activities and moments and reliable years and years of healing and joy and dynamism and love, and yes, the potential for harm, but the potential for healing too, if one lives socially proactively rather than reactively. There are ineffable joys to be gained by engaging, joys that far outweigh the slight risks that can't be minimized. and most of those risks can indeed be minimized.
