all of a suddenly

23 | im like if a catgirl was president but was a rat and also just some guy

[simplysnaps]

Sapphic Dynamic where the popular queen bee type is hopelessly in love with the weirdo girl that runs Anime Club. She's so down on herself, writing in her diary "Erin is so cool. She can beat Super Mario Brothers in under five minutes, she learned Japanese to read imported manga, and she runs an Anime Club even though nobody shows up. She's committed to that club longer than I've committed to a hair style. I just know about clothes and makeup, she'd be so bored by me. Oh what would I do for her attention?"

Her cheerleader friends are supportive, like "Are you kidding, girl? You played Sonic on your iPhone once! She's not out of your league!" but she still doubts if she'd be enough to keep up with Erin's zest for life.

"I went to Paris over Summer break, like some normie loser. Erin spent the entire Summer decompiling an abandonware point-and-click Nancy Drew game so she could port it to her Android phone. It's hopeless, she'd get bored of me in a week!"

[papayajuan2019]

i often feel like a dog that's been tasked with paperwork

[pixelprofligate]

"youd do numbers on tumblr" girl i am on tumblr and the numbers? 4

[dharmagun]

Higgledy-piggledy unparliamentary green parrots quarrel outside in the trees

Squawking out epithets uncomplimentary Squads of unmannerly Oversized peas.

[epicsause-official]

i recently found out what the * * * that sometimes separates parts of a text is called and youre never gonna fucking believe it

[syzygynephile]

Me, trying to impress my date with a display of my boundless humility: I would like to order one single, solitary crumb.

Waitress taking my order: Such arrogance! Not only do you presume to boast under the guise of being humble, but your order employs the most decadent of linguistic excesses - the tautology!

My date, who until recently thought "tautology" referred to the study of tensile strengths and upon learning her mistake compensated by reading through its Wikipedia article: That would be more correctly identified as a "pleonasm".

The editor I hired to curate my posts who styles himself as a sort of scheming court advisor: My liege, this one is getting away from us. The punchline loses much of its impact when the rest of the joke is derailed by this increasingly self-indulgent meta humour. Were it up to me, your Grace, which of course it is not, I would cut the others and leave myself as the only supporting character. You need noone else, Your Majesty...

My card: Declines

[segamascott]

[insomniac-arrest]

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

[insomniac-arrest]

Our age of plastics is collapsing

[insomniac-arrest]

Our age of information is collapsing! *remembers generative AI, nods to self* our age of information is collapsing.

[softboypassing]

im going to watch an anime, should it be princess mononoke, cowboy bebop, or jojo

[thank-you-everyone-deactivated2]

watch this

[thank-you-everyone-deactivated2]

you can’t see because i’m on computer but i’m gesturing to my balls

[anarqueeen]

My gf loves playing with my dick in bed because it's "like a little fidget toy"

[anarqueeen]

Normal sized fidget toy

[loveridden1999]

crossfaded somewhere between "there has to be more to life than this" and "every mundane thing is beautiful when you're with people you love"

[flightsofwonder]

being an adult is just saying to yourself “this is the weekend i’ll clean my [x]” and then proceeding to not do that because it’s the weekend and you deserve to relax, goddamnit

[flightsofwonder]

why does this have 85K notes

[randomslasher]

because we reblogged it instead of cleaning our [x]

[ozth]

[melancholygirls]

I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU

[stillalittlekid]

OMG I COULD TOTALLY IMAGINE THEM LIKE THAT IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT

[christ-with-a-why]

[melancholygirls]

I cannot BELIEVE a post I made when I was 13 is circulating! And also apparently started this trope? I thought somebody had the idea separately and it blew up that way😭

[duckydoesstuff]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame for your collection

[thebibliosphere]

The kid next door (talking toddler age) is playing outside and just wiped out in his Fisher Price car, and I just heard the babysitter say, “oh no, your insurance premium is definitely going to go up!” And the kid who had only been mildly sniffling before made the most confused, but startled sound you’ve ever heard.

Just very clearly an attempt at saying, “my what?”

He straight up forgot about his scraped knee and is now worried about whatever the fuck an insurance premium is.

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

[bagelbarr0n]

Really funny one two punch on my dash this morning

[shittynewyorkercartooncaptions]