“To say goodbye is to die a little.”
“To say goodbye is to die a little.” Each time I find myself slipping away into the midnight darkness or the beauty of yet another youthful sunset, a piece of my dies, something in me changes every time my mind slips away. It’s funny how things have changed but still remain to stay the same in many ways. It’s funny how you and I are no more, again at the very beginning where we started.
To have known you was like being swept off by a nasty tornado that was not due until next week, swirled up and away from the reality of life all those years ago. Now, I look back and wonder where it all went wrong, perhaps you and I were too young, too timid to have known what love and life was.
The truth is that we both knew where the lines ended and started. It’s not how it was supposed to be isn’t it? How life gave us a plot twist when we were merely looking for answers, were we the ones holding the answers? Did we look elsewhere for answers when right along you and I held them?
It’s funny how I’m still hurting and you know nothing of the pain that has settled in my heart. No longer do the butterflies in my stomach flutter and no longer does my heart even bother to be heard. This soul does not bother to be found or to be embraced in warmth yet again for it knows that everything it gets will only be taken away.
I do not come from a place of love, so I find it hard, the path does never stays clear, the fog keeps coming and i find myself lost without someone there to hold me. I’ve always been running from things and the past so that I wouldn’t be held a prisoner there, you were my safe place, I should have listened when I was warned that I cannot make homes out of people because people are always meant to be rivers- always moving far and distant, It’s funny how I refused to listen, how I made exceptions for you.
I die a little every time something manages to reach my cold heart, I refuse to let anything in. Something leaves as soon as something beautiful crosses my path, it’s as if you envy me, as if you do not want me to be happy, do not want me to escape. Must I always stay this way? Dying a little every time I say goodbye to something I love, something very close to my heart?
I see something, hear something that takes me back, oh how I forget the truth and reality at such times. It hurts- to die a little is almost dying and almost dying is hard enough. When it happens on the regular, it’s almost as if you’re waiting for the pain to hit you and then settle it, you know it like the back of your hand, you know how it feels from the beginning to the end, the little shudders and flashbacks, the touches and smiles, promises and thoughts, wishes and miracles of all sorts. It goes on and the tears have already made their way, it’s hard, hard enough for a girl that does not usually cry, to know she was abandoned yet again, to know she can never have what she always wanted. She does not come from a place of love, it only made things all the more harder.
something in me leaves to never return, I start to write my goodbyes but the tears have already made it’s course and done the deed of my words, my words remain hidden at the back of my heart, only to hit me with full force on the saddest of days, I spend days wondering if you envy me. We grow and learn but people do not wish to acknowledge that. It’s almost as if they wish to believe the image of the old us to cover their sins and faults. I deserve mercy- even the tiniestbit. I’m held captive to what could have been, it’s only proof that it was real, that i was real.
I don’t know about you but it’s true that we weren’t on the same page. I wonder how fast we went back to strangers, then it dawns to me that there is no use and I’ll always be dying a little until I’m no more.
jacobvanloon
janainaart
yousharknotpass
jbbartram-illu
2087
tangentwithtanner
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