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bimbos-n-expanders

Growing Beautifully…

writing-prompt-s

write a story about how you became the world’s most powerfull person… by accident.

caffeinewitchcraft

You learn about the butterfly effect in school. The concept is interesting, but not so interesting that you don’t fall asleep partway through the movie. You hear something distantly about a butterfly beating its wings and hurricanes. You think it will never apply to you.

You know now (not then) that power comes through and from favors.

If you had known that then you would probably not have done so many.

(This is where it starts.)

One.

There is a strange creature crossing the road behind the lecture hall. You stop on your bike and frown at it. It looks a little like a turtle, but it’s limbs are longer than any turtle you’ve ever seen. It’s stretched out on the hot asphalt, long, pale limbs clawing forward towards the small stream that runs on the other side.

You hop off your bike and gently pick the creature up, hands under the belly of the shell like you learned from the internet.

Imagine your surprise when the shell slides off the creature instead, dropping a tiny woman onto the asphalt.

“Water,” she croaks, tiny eyes screwed shut. Her eyelids are the size of yours which means they’re huge on her. “Please.”

(You will not know until later what exactly please means to the fae.)

You feel yourself move through your shock. You pick her up and take her to the water’s edge. She slips under the surface, pale skin flashing like the scales of a fish, and she’s gone.

You’d wonder if your roommate slipped you something this morning if she wasn’t back a moment later, pushing a small rock into your hands.

“A boon,” she says. Her eyes are large and black, suited for her underwater world. “For a favor.” She smiles, showing teeth jagged and sharp like a piranha.

When you blink, she’s gone.

You stare at the rock in your left hand. It’s smooth and worn from years in water, an interesting swirl of granite and quartz. “I wish I knew,” you tell it.

The rock ices over so fast that you don’t have time to drop it. The frost swirls across your skin, burning you where it touches, and you watch in horror as your skin turns a mottled black and blue.

You fall to your knees from the pain and choke on a scream as the stone sinks into you, touching your bones and sending more ice through your marrow. It climbs up your arm and touches your eye, changing you vision so now that you’re see double, a strange, blue world juxtaposed next to the one you know and love.

Keep reading

bellalolabrigida-deactivated202

desiguru2005

ereborslionheart

tolkien fans are insufferable because you'll agree to watch the movies with them and then seven hours in they'll say "omg my favourite character is about to appear!" and it's a fucking siege weapon

rohirric-hunter

shadetree-salesman

I will not stand by while Grond, Hammer of the Underworld is slandered in such a way!

venowyn

I thought tumblr was safe from Grondposting

thespectacularspider-girl

GROND!

the-everything-man

GROND

transmechanicus

randomtechpriest

GROND GROND GROND!

error-404-fuck-not-found

grond is when you gotta change discs on the extended edition. grond signals snack breaks and a refill of the wine. grond is an omen of good fortune and some respect should be put on his fucking name

@matzahball

For a second I didn’t realize it meant “high” as in a stoner--I thought “High Geologist” was like a rank of geologist or something and he was insulted you would challenge him to naming stones

hamptercatapult

great poast every one👍

shirecorn

I have drawn him.... The High Geologist

syberfire117

Can’t believe he’s ace

shirecorn

He is now And here’s the photo evidence:

aphorisnt

hey guys...https://twitter.com/MatthewLillard/status/1322648148364324864 so does this make it canon?

shirecorn

the high geologist has ascended

ethanrayne

every time i see this post it gets.... better? but also weirder.

blackwhitesublime

Push it back 🖤🔥

tanoraqui

that theory that the Arkenstone is a Silmaril…it’s doubly implausible, but imagine if nobody knew. If the dwarves were guarded enough of their greatest treasure that…you wouldn’t even need to hide it from that many people, honestly. Mostly a few elves, and all wizards.

and then Bilbo sidles up to Gandalf like, “Thorin and all are holed up in the Mountain, but I think they’re being nuts, so I…kind of stole the Arkenstone, I think.” And (it’s been thousands of years since the light of the trees was doused save for the precious brilliance locked away in Feanor’s gems, since oaths and blood and war that raged until the skies cracked and the earth shattered, and the little people of the Shire have no memory of it at all) he pulls out a fucking Silmaril.

tanoraqui

Gandalf: *spittake*

Gandalf: *hurriedly glances at Thranduil. the king of Mirkwood’s eyes shine with curiosity and greed, but not recognition, nor the terrible lust that overtook Feanor and his sons. right, right, he was never in Thingol’s court while the jewel that Luthien and Beren took was there. we’re good. we’re good for now*

Gandalf: That’s, uh, nice, Bilbo. Put it away, would you?

tanoraqui

Gandalf, telepathically(?): EMERGENCY RINGBEARERS ONLY CONFAB NOW

Gandalf: [mental image of a goddam Silmaril in hobbit hands, labelled “thisfuckingrockagain.jpg”]

Galadriel, who watched 95% of her family slaughter everyone within 100 miles for several thousand years over these things, including each other and themselves: no.

Elrond, who was very nearly one of those people slaughtered, and did watch most of his town be killed before he and his twin were kidnapped for a while: Absolutely Fucking Not.

Gandalf: Apparently fucking yes. The legendary Arkenstone-

Galadriel: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Elrond: Thorin Oakenshield has a Silmaril right now?

Gandalf: No, no.

Gandalf: Bilbo stole it.

Elrond: *wordless sputtering*

Gandalf: @Galadriel [information packet: BilboBagginsoftheShire.pdf]

Galadriel: Oh yes, Belladonna’s boy, you were telling me about him last winter.

Galadriel: Btw, orc+warg army probably coming your way. Spotted it in the mirror last night. Thank goodness we dealt with Dol Goldur at least, huh?

Elrond: No fucking shit.

tanoraqui

Gandalf @Gwaihir Windlord: hey, sorry to bother you again, I know it’s nearly mating season. but we have a situation again

Gandalf: [thisfuckingrockagain.jpg]

Gandalf: [oncomingorcwargarmy.jpg]

Gandalf: [flashbacktobadasseaglesinwarofwrathhinthint.mov]

avelera

I mean, given that Tolkien retconned “The Hobbit” so Bilbo’s little invisibility ring became an ancient piece of jewelry that controls minds and drives the mighty mad, one can at least understand why it seems plausible that the other shiny white gem that destroys empires and makes the mighty go mad with greed could be linked from his kid’s book to his gigantic early mythology in retrospect??

crazy-pages

You know this actually explains a lot about why Gandalf didn’t immediately raise the alarm about Bilbo’s ring out of an abundance of caution. I mean, what are the odds, what are the fucking odds, that this one little hobbit stole both a Silmaril and the Ring of Power? Like, you are Gandalf the Grey and you have already dealt with the heart attack to end all heart attacks because this little innocent fool stole a world war inspiring artifact once. You still get flashbacks every time Bilbo offers to show you something and have to employ all of your angel’s serenity and thousands of years of learned composure not start giBbERinG “ pleaseletitnotbeanotherartifactpleaseletitnotbeanotherartifact”. And then. AND THEN! One day he’s like, “hey Gandalf let me show you this neat ring I found back on our journey”. And on the inside a tiny part of you is screaming “nottheoneringnottheoneringnottheonering” while a more rational part of your brain assures you it could not possibly be the one- “It’s this plain gold ring that’s very precious to me and turns me invisible!”

AND THEN YOU FUCK OFF AND SEARCH THROUGH EVERY POSSIBLE TOME YOU CAN TO PROVE IT CAN’T REALLY BE THE RING OF POWER, SAURON’S RING OF POWER, THAT RING, THE ONE RING, LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE TOME, BEFORE FINALLY FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THIS SHIT IS REALLY HAPPENING AGAIN

countesskittymeow

@shewhodoesnotexist what says you? :P

shewhodoesnotexist

I’ve never been a proponent of this theory, but I gotta admit the idea of Bilbo finding two world war inspiring artifacts is alluring ;D

Next you’ll be telling me Sting is Gurthang

abrownpanther

Sting may or may not be Angrist, the knife that Beren used to get the Silmarill off of Morgoth’s crown

funnelcloudd

How come semi trucks in Europe look like “toot toot :)” and in North America they look like “HONK HOOOOOOOONK >:|”

funnelcloudd

“Henlo I am big twuck pwease give me wots of woom tank u :)”

“I WILL FUCKING PANCAKE YOUR CUCK ASS”

spontaneousmusicalnumber

@trainwreckgenerator why did you hide these in the tags

digitaldiscipline

This suggests that Maximum Overdrive was Jurassic Park for motor vehicles.

cheesedemon

I’m sorry, but that is misleading as hell. American and European trucks are bred for different purposes.

American trucks are bred for long hauls on largely straight roads. They can go for hours without a break. A European truck needs more breaks and a lighter load, and they would indeed take great internal damage if they tried to keep up with the Longsnout.

The European Shortsnout is not bred for looks, but for agility! They navigate the windy roads of Europe in a way that would be way too risky for the powerful, but more clumsy American truck. It is true that the European overheats faster at high speeds, that is the very reason that breaks every 4,5 hours are mandatory for both the truck and the handler and a day of driving can never be longer then 9 hours.

So, all in all, appreciate all of our trucks and our shared history, and be the responsible owner that gets the right breed for the right job.

kedreeva

To be fair, the US does have shortnose trucks as well, they’re just a breed kept mainly for very local work where, like the above says, they are working in places with lots of turns, shorter drives, and plenty of stops. I see them used for garbage pickup a lot, where a longnosed Mack wouldn’t be able to fit much less maneuver, and the short nose prevents them from getting rubs (raw skin or even open sores) on their snouts.

I would also like to point out that the tags have got it backwards. The wild trucks (which I’m pretty sure are extinct in the wild now) that all modern breeds stemmed from were shortnose trucks. We had known about automobiles and domesticated several species, but the truck species was not discovered until close to the start of the 1900’s, in Germany, which I BELIEVE was the first country to breed them in captivity, although England was the first country to really start using them for work. I managed to find a photo of taxidermied specimen

As you can see, it resembles both long and short nosed breeds, as well as the far more common house truck used by individuals instead of for commercial work.

As to the aggression, while the mack longnose LOOKS aggressive, they’re generally gentle giants (although please do give them space on the road! not seeing you in their blind spot is NOT the same as aggression!), it is actually the smaller house truck that is often trained by their handler to be aggressive: the keyword being TRAINED, they are also not naturally aggressive. The only time I have seen a mack be commonly aggressive is when they are pulling 2 gravel trailers, and I would be cranky if I was being overworked, too. If you see them hauling that kind of load, just give them space, and you’ll be fine.

ub-sessed

I feel like somebody should add something about the Australian variants.

nudityandnerdery

From my understanding of Australian wildlife:

dreorzen

Does anyone know if/how American School Busses are related to trucks?

Pics for reference:

The classic long-nose schoolbus

But short-nose varieties exist, I remember when they first started appearing in my district!

kedreeva

@dreorzen While school buses ARE in the automobile order, they are actually part of the Van family, not the Truck family, due to their passenger capacity. As you can see in the photos, they have no cargo bed or hookup, and are not really built for object transport. But they DO excel at carrying passengers, particularly children (although certainly not limited to just children)

They’re known to be exceptionally protective of any passengers, and if you look closely on that second image you can actually see a specialized appendage that is (I think) unique to school buses- a small, red, octagonal fan, which they extend when there are small creatures around them that they are acquiring or releasing. Much like an angler fish’s bioluminescent bulb appendage, this fan (along with several bioluminescent patches on top of their faces and on their hindquarters) works to mesmerize any other vehicles in close proximity, to where those vehicles will cease movement until the bus lowers the fan. It’s super fascinating behavior, and little wonder why we trust our children to these gentle, protective giants.

silirial

@bunjywunjy this seems like a post you need to see

clembuteboy

The Love of All Kiki Vhice 💪🏻👍🏻❤️🥰😍😘

nerd-licious-deactivated2020012

NSFW Asks

1:When did you lose your virginity?

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

5: Favourite sex position?

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

12: How often do you have sex?

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

40: What do you wear to bed?

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

53: Do you watch porn?

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

58: Booty or Boobs?

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

65. What is your bra/penis size?

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

68. When was the last time you had sex?

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

71. Guys:Circumsized?

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

80. Favorite sexual position?

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

82. Are you into any BDSM?

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

84. Do you like dirty talk?

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

92. Ask whatever you want

hardnotgently-deactivated202011

send me more of this!!!

thisismylust

I love questions!

x-angelornot31-x-deactivated202

gymaaholic

Me vs. work, stress, anxiety

It’s gym time!

https://www.gymaholic.co

Cum check out my uncensored page ;)

onlyfans.com/cruel_eyes

#onlyfans himbo nude pinup sexy

derinthescarletpescatarian

People who don’t want to read The Martian in case the science is too complicated should be informed that it contains the lines “The best way to store the ingredients of water is to make them be water”, “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft”, and “If I cut a hole in the wall of the hab, the air won’t stay inside any more”.

neilarmstrong

I love this fucking book

osheamobile

“I’ve said the words kilowatt-hours-per-sol so many times they’ve lost all meaning so I’m going to call them pirate-ninjas.

“So I need to generate nine hundred pirate-ninjas…”

magnificentbane-deactivated2019

there’s an entire chapter dedicated to him wondering how the cubs are doing while he’s stuck on mars, dying

derinthescarletpescatarian

I like the part where the guys on Earth are like “He thinks we all gave up on him, and that he’s completely alone. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now.” And he’s like “How come Aquaman can control whales?”

direwolfblackrose

“ As with most of life’s problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation. “

“Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”

Two pages later… “What do you know? I’m in command”

“Me: “This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?” NASA: (after five hours of deliberation) “No. You’ll fuck it up and die.” So I took it apart.

And my personal favorite :” Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape. Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”