Read It: DPxDC

This Tumblr is purely for me to keep track of Danny Phantom and/or DC (read:Batman/BatFam) work that I've read/seen on this site/app

[papayafromtv]

the one thing my latest fic is doing right now is making me really like the utilisation of Drake Manor after Tim is adopted by Bruce. like, if we have Tim’s parents dying before they go broke, then Drake Manor is just… sitting empty. waiting for tenants.

and i’m just saying a fresh-from-the-league Jason Todd is a perfect tenant. i want him to use his crime lord earnings to buy Drake Manor from Tim and start living next door Specifically to piss off Bruce. he is going to be the worst neighbour ever. he’s gonna call the police on Bruce on a random Tuesday night to complain about noise despite being half a fucking mile away. he’s gonna grow trees and shrubs encroaching on the edge of Wayne property. he’s gonna declare himself head of the bristol homeowners association and send passive aggressive letters about how the gates to Wayne Manor break some kind of height code by precisely half an inch. he’s gonna be the worst.

even funnier is if Bruce absolutely does not know the Red Hood’s identity. he has no idea Jason is his neighbour and Tim is absolutely not telling him because seeing Bruce’s patience with their new neighbour crumble over the course of six months has been the best entertainment since that one time he went to the circus and saw some acrobats. when asked who he sold the manor to he just has to be all vague, like ‘just some regular single dad and his son, idk.’

the son is Damian. Damian has absolutely no fucking clue what the point of him coming to Gotham was if Jason wasn’t even going to introduce him to his biological father, but Drake Manor has a pool and for the first time in his life he’s living a life that doesn’t include getting up at the crack of dawn for training or ridiculous pressure to succeed stemming from bloodlines and birthright, so you know what? he’s fine with it. he’s living his best life. life would be a fucking vacation if Jason hadn’t signed him up for school and demanded he do ‘normal children stuff’.

basically i just want suburban single dad Jason moving him and Damian into the manor next door and only Tim knowing they’re there. i want Damian being Tim’s ‘school friend from next door that sometimes comes round for school projects and happens to look remarkably like Bruce’, and i want Jason to be living his best suburbia life while being able to piss Bruce off both at home and on patrol.

eventually Bruce decides to just be neighbourly and convinces Damian to invite his ‘dad’ to the next Wayne Gala. Jason absolutely is going to attend, even if it fucks up his secret identity, and he is absolutely going to be telling an already shell-shocked Bruce that Damian’s mother is Talia Al Ghul, juuuuust to see what happens when Bruce is forced to assume his presumed-dead son is actually somehow alive and the father of his ex’s child. all while in public at a civilian gala.

[alien-slushie]

Dash: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Phantom, slowly raising his eyebrow: That's not nearly as funny as you think it is.

---Later---

Dash: *sobbing*

Kwan: Well hes a ghost, maybe insinuating he came from heaven is offensive!

Star, patting Dash's back: Yeah! I mean, maybe he was denied heaven or something and thats why hes a ghost.

Paulina: He also just might not know you were flirting. Ghost might flirt differently!

---

Sam: You know Dash was flirting with you earlier right?

Danny, scoffing in disgust: Yeah, but hes Dash so I really couldn't care less.

Tucker: Ouch. Remind me to make sure you never hate me.

[batsandbirdbrains]

Picture this: a scenario where the JL doesn’t know Batman & Robin’s secret identities yet. Maybe they don’t even know if Robin is real or just a rumor online. And they’re discussing a time for their next meeting when Batman just interjects:

“Saturday won’t work for me. My son’s baseball team is having a bake sale.”

The entire room goes silent, because no one realized Batman even had a kid. Or went out in the daylight.

“What?” one of the others asks, still shocked.

“A bake sale,” Batman says slowly, like they’re all a little stupid. “It’s a fundraiser.”

“I know what a bake sale is! But since when do you have a kid?”

“Have you not met Robin?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised. “He’s been to the Watchtower several times now.”

“Robin’s your kid?” gets asked first, followed closely by someone else asking, “Robin is real?”

“Can’t you just drop him off?” Superman asks, trying to calm the situation.

“Well I’m also the coach, so that probably wouldn’t be setting a very good example for the kids, Superman.”

“You’re the coach?” Someone asks.

“Yes.”

“Of a little league team?”

“Yes.”

“Are we in the Twilight Zone?” Hal whispers to Barry, who shushes him.

“Will Sunday work?” Superman asks quickly, wanting this to get resolved.

“So long as it’s over with by 4pm.”

“Why?”

“I told Robin I’d take him to the Gotham Knights game.”

Everyone’s heads are spinning. Batman is actually acting like a normal guy with a normal kid. This is not at all what they imagined he was like outside of the cowl. Some of them didn’t think he ever actually took the cowl off at all.

That Sunday, Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson are seen on TV arriving a little late to sit behind home plate at the Gotham Knights game. Dick, 9 years old, looks very grumpy about being late until Bruce gets him a giant ice cream to make up for the fact that his meeting ran long. It still takes a few years before the JL find out Bruce Wayne is Batman.

[alien-slushie]

Danny, the JL's Secretary: Ladies, and Gentlemen Welcome to the most Anticipated Event of this Watchtower's History. The auction for: *pulls out a very old looking suitcase*

Flash: The Suitcase of Mystery!

Danny: Exactly Flash, this puppy's been in the lost and found since the tower was first built. Nobody working here today knows its contents. I'm happy to say Batman has finally given me permission to auction it off!

Flash: I'll let you give me a spray tan! Any shade you want!

Danny: Flash, willing to sacrifice his dignity. Who can top it?

Constantine: Massage! I'll give you a massage!

Danny: Connie, going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified!

Constantine: *groans in disappointment*

Danny: Interesting approach. Orange Flash, going once, going twice-

Vixen: I'll show you a picture of me in highschool! There is side pony!

Danny: Oo Vixen coming in hot! Vixen coming in hot!

Flash: I'll also give you full control of my hair, and wardrobe!

Booster Gold: I'll go on a date with you!

Danny: Sold-

Booster Gold: *looking surprised but excited*

Danny: -To Flash, not to Booster. That really freaked me out and I just want this to end now.

Flash: Woo!

[baddywronglegs]

If you are young and fit and healthy, get a hobby you can do while ill. Something that brings you joy and you can still enjoy while laid out with flu or whatever.

Future you will thank you for not pinning your ability to enjoy and get any sense of achievement on having the base energy levels of a teenager.

Sure, you might still be dancing and playing tennis and running marathons in your 80s. Or you might be walking short distances with a cane between breath stops in your 30s, and really glad past-you found those breath stops were so much more enjoyable if you brought a pencil and some paper to draw the pigeons you were sharing a bench with.

[papayafromtv]

honestly the whole deal of the batboys dressing up as each other for JLA business is, objectively, supremely funnier if their identities aren’t even hidden anymore. they don't need to fill in for each other, the kids just like annoying everyone. they'll swap outfits and lie whenever they can, just to see how long they can go before one of them gets caught out. they'll always get found in the oddest moments and it never fails to piss off everybody else at the Watchtower.

-

Wonder Woman: -oh, and thank you to Red Robin for that piece of insight you gave us last week, it was very helpful.

Damian dressed up as Tim, has no idea what she's talking about: ....no worries.

Aquaman: oh i wasn't here last week, what did you say?

Red Robin:

Red Robin: ....if you... sprinkle cinnamon on your window-ledges, then spiders aren't as likely to come into your house...?

Aquaman:

Wonder Woman:

Woman Woman: i was referring to the fact that you checked our suspect list and absolved Leonard Woodgate from suspicion due to his documented presence in Gotham during the incident.

Red Robin:

Red Robin: ah.

Wonder Woman, glaring at him: Damian.

Red Robin: fuck.

-

*Nightwing, on his phone at the meeting table*

Green Lantern: hey, Dick, can you pass me my coffee?

Nightwing: *doesn't glance over*

Green Lantern: Dick.

Green Lantern: Diiiick?

Green Lantern: RICHARD? DICK???

Batman walking in: you called me?

Green Lantern, looking between them: w- oh for fucks sake- WHERE'S BRUCE?

Dick as Batman, shrugging: honestly i didn't even ask- hey, Tim, where's B?

Nightwing: *still doesn't look up*

Red Hood, showing up in the doorway: did you say my name?

Dick as Batman, now also slightly confused: ...oh is Jason me today?

Jason as Nightwing, finally looking up: oh- sorry, what? completely zoned out there.

Tim as Red Hood: yeah man, i'm Jason, Jason's you, and you're B while he's at the dentist.

Dick: ...huh.

Green Lantern: IF YOU CAN'T TELL HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO?!

-

Robin, walking into the room: i'm here, are we starting the meeting soon?

*The rest of the league not giving him a second look*

Superman: ah, hello Damian. yes, sit down, we're starting soon.

Robin:

Robin:

Tim as Robin, angrily: oh fuck off- I AM NOT SHORT ENOUGH TO PASS AS DAMIAN.

The JL:

Damian as Red Robin, walking into the room and muttering under his breath: told you, you loser.

-

bonus:

*Red Hood, pouring himself a coffee in the Watchtower kitchen*

Arsenal, coming up behind him and pinching Hood's ass: hey sexy, you coming to mine after this thing or am i coming to yours? we went to mine last time, but i dunno the weather in Gotham this week, so your choice.

Red Hood:

Red Hood:

Arsenal: what?

Dick as Red Hood: this cannot fucking be how i find out you're fucking my little brother, Roy.

Arsenal:

Arsenal: are you fucking- STOP DOING THIS.

Jason as Batman, walking into the room and looking at them for a second:

Jason as Batman: please tell me-

Dick: you treat my fucking brother with respect, Harper.

Jason as Batman: *loses his shit*

Arsenal, staring at the ground chastised, as Batman cries from laughter on the floor across the room: ...yes Richard. I will.

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred: And is this your same-sex partner?

Tim: Alfred, this is Bernard. He's my roommate.

Alfred: Yes, that's what we called them back in the day.

[puppetmaster13u]

Meme Prompt 12

[hdgnj]

Titans tower is going to go VERY differently. Jason is NOT gonna know what hit him. Tim mocking and taunting Red Hood to get him to follow to a big enough space? Then summons the three D's. Jason either about to be punted to the sun. Or wrapped up right for an emergency trip to Frostbite's. Either way Tim is being cuddled and fussed over while Hood bitches and tries to escape.

[skylernightmare]

[missgadabout]

I am so voting the emergency trip to frostbite. Just the image of Jason trying to be intimidating to an unimpressed Tim. The having a you have got to be kidding me as the hydra emerges from the sigil. The three Ds making a weird gasp/coo sound and trying to snatch him up while he is loudly complaining and dodging them.

[hdgnj]

Even after the emergency treatment Jason wants to call bullshit. Why does new Robin get magic?!? HE got brutally murdered!! But the new one? Has! Magic!?! This is so unfair!!!! Tim just off to one side like, yeah, magic pre dates Robin for me. And if you tell B? I WILL tell him who you are under the hood. We clear? Keep me outta your weird as shit thing with B. Just fucking kill Joker yourself man. B ain't ever gonna. No matter how much he loved you. He wouldn't kill Joker to stop his parents from being murdered. Like, c'mon.

[hdgnj]

Had a thought about Tim being adopted. More specifically, him trying to avoid being adopted. How much do ya wanna get he summons them to act as his guardian to avoid Bruce adopting him?

[hdgnj]

More on this thought. The three D's either go and make up full on back logged identities to ensure they can keep Tim. Or, they approach JLD and state prior claim guardianship. We have been his ghost guardians since he was itty bitty. Which would be highly amusing to watch. JLD having to try and mediate the custody arrangement of Robin between Batman and the Hydra Gatekeeper. Zatanna wants a drink, let along John!!!

[puppetmaster13u]

(Realized I Never Posted This OOPS)

[lexandwich-the-great]

Headcanon that when someone gets injured during a fight, (the clearly underaged) Robin at the time sometimes run into the nearest convenience store and buys vodka to clean the wound~

Imagine.......When Dick is Robin, he gets into a fight with a group of gangsters, and a civilian gets injured. Panicking, Dick runs into the nearest convenience store, looking for something to clean the wound with. Naturally, the workers are very confused as to why a little boy in a brightly coloured costume is attempting to buy a bottle of vodka. They eventually sell it to him on the grounds of "Batman would probably beat us into a pulp if we said no."

Over the years, this happens several more times, even continuing whenever there's a new Robin. Convenience store workers in Gotham have gotten so used to brightly coloured children coming in and purchasing alcohol that when a new person starts working at one of the stores, no one even thinks to explain what the hell is going on.

---

Store Manager: —and last but not least, remember to ask for an ID before selling alcohol to anyone who might be underage.

New Employee: understood.

Robin: *enters, in full costume and covered in blood. walks to the back on the store, before returning and placing a bottle of vodka on the counter with a thud*

Store Manager: *immediately begins ringing him up*

Store Manager, smiling: that'll be $20.

Robin: *hands over the money and leaves with his bottle of vodka*

New Employee: ...

New Employee: ......

New Employee: ........that was a child. That was a child in a Halloween costume. You just sold alcohol to a child in a Halloween costume.

Store Manager: oh yeah, that's Robin. We don't actually know how old he is.

[apatheticsunday]

Bad Driver

AKA "Danny Fenton accidentally hits the Joker with the GAV during a livestream. It quickly becomes a Gotham meme." DCxDP prompt! TW: Brief description of vehicular assault.

Pro tip: Don't drive while on the phone. You could hit somebody.

Okay, so Danny does ghost-hunting livestreams (endorsed by FentonWorks) and tours the most haunted cities in America. Gotham happens to be in the Top 10 Cursed Cities of America, featured by youtubers like Buzzfeed Unsolved and Netflix true crime documentaries. Danny just... capitalizes on that a bit. He needs to make money, okay?? His "ghost hunting" is mostly debunking supposedly haunted places, doing side quests for ghosts with unfinished business, and interviewing interesting people.

Anyways. Gotham City is confusing. The streets make no sense, half of the city is blocked off due to the latest Rogue attacks, and he's pretty sure he saw an ambulance smash through a barricade with zero hesitation followed by several cop cars. Danny's livestream chat is blowing up, begging to see what just happened, and he's fumbling with the dashboard phone holder when several groups of people in clown masks start swarming the street. They're surrounding the truck, actually shooting at him, a couple swinging baseball bats and crowbars. He takes his eyes off the road for one second just to check whether the GAV has its shield deployed.

One second is all it takes. He feels more than hears the thunk of something particularly human-shaped hitting his front bumper. And his stomach drops. Heart-stopping panic grips him and all he can do is grip the steering wheel and drive forward. He can vaguely hear shouts all around the GAV but shock blurs everything together until he's frantically driving away. He somehow ends up in a quiet one-way street that looks half-abandoned. His livestream comments are a mess of what just happened?? and r u okay?? and, notably: WAS THAT THE FUCKING JOKER?!

As Gotham finds out, Daniel J Fenton did, in fact, commit a hit and run on the Joker. The GCPD dismissed a vehicular assault charge as the livestream showed Danny being shot at during the time of the assault; judges would absolutely categorize the case as self-defense. The Joker unfortunately didn't die. Also unfortunately, screenshots of the livestream got leaked and now Danny's absurdly baffled and horrified expression post-hitting the Joker is trending on Gotham News.

A new trend of "Get Ready With Me to Hit The Joker With My Car" circulates, much to Danny's utter horror and mortification. Gothamites adore Danny. There's something hilariously ironic and slightly endearing about some out-of-towner hitting the only person in Gotham that everybody agrees should be dead with their car. Unintentionally, too. Even the Bats begrudgingly can't even be mad about it. The situation for the kid was clearly traumatizing and horrific.

(Although once Danny learns what the Joker's done and why everybody's so viciously gleeful, he feels a little less bad.)

[sakuravalenp]

I grew up in a cult - DC X DP prompt

Danny had to escape his home dimension due to the GIW hurting him too badly during one of their little hunts, causing the ancients to deem Danny’s dimension too dangerous for him. Clockwork gave him a hand making up an identity in another dimension (DC), but he failed to tell Danny that this dimension was nothing like his, and Danny, so focused on getting himself back to his feet and going unnoticed, doesn’t notice that’s the case on his own. 

He’s overwhelmed by how much more advanced technology is in this dimension, and with much reason, they’re like XX years over his dimension, but at least he doesn't have to worry about sustainance, since Clockwork placed him on Gotham's academy Scholarship list, and the school is providing for all the basics. He would cry if he had to figure out a job in a place so much more advanced than his own dimension.

Now, Danny knows better than to just repress his powers, he doesn't want a repeat of the freezing incident. Less now that he's alone. Solution: casual use of his powers within his house. But maybe he got a little too used to that, because he kept slipping when having people over. But that's okay, he'll just play dumb and gaslight everyone into believing it didn't happen or Danny has nothing to do with it. After all, powers are not normal, and Danny is a completely normal human boy. 

Or at least Danny thought he was playing normal pretty well until his friend from school just created a shadow sphere out of nowhere and started talking about metas and Danny doesn't really hear what else, because his blood is rising in his ear. Is this normal to humans here? Has he been playing human wrong? Shit, how does he ask about what his friend clearly sees to be normal information without giving out he’s from another dimension?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Duke knows his friend from school is a meta, he’s seen Danny slip with his powers multiple times, and honestly the excuses Danny gives him are getting a little ridiculous at this point. He wants to be able to bond with his friend over the meta experience. So after much thought, he decides to reveal his meta status without revealing the whole extent of his powers. Just to give Bruce some peace about his decision. 

But instead of the opening up he had been hoping for, Danny looks completely lost. Did he come on too strong?

"Um, Duke, can everyone just… do that?" Danny asks confused.

"What?"

"I mean, I know growing up in a cult kinda cuts you off from some basic information, but I would have thought we would have at least been told if humans develop the ability to do… that."

"You what?"

Now, learning that Danny grew up in a cult was not how he envisioned this going, but what worries Duke more is that after explaining what meta were, Danny didn’t immediately jump to identify himself as one. So now Duke is worried. Does Danny not know he has powers? Does he actually believe all those excuses he had been giving Duke in the past when he slipped up.

[spookberry]

You Will Remember

[zhelin-thames]

Damian: Father, I require assistance. Batman: Is this about the exploding Lazarus pit again? Damian: Worse.

(Danny phases through the Batcave ceiling holding a glowing smoothie.)

Danny: Hey dad, hey grandpa. Raven says if you keep stress-brooding you’re gonna throw your back out by age fifty-two.

Batman: … Damian: … Batman: Explain.

Danny: Oh right. Hi. I’m Danny. I’m your future grandson from, like, twenty years ahead. Mom sent me back because dad accidentally started an interdimensional incident trying to prove he could “totally beat Constantine in a magic duel.”

Damian: I would never— Danny: You absolutely would. I have video proof.

Batman: Raven is the mother?

Danny: Yeah. You guys were terrifyingly in love. Whole “darkness and violence but secretly soft for each other” thing. Really gross honestly.

Damian: Father, destroy him.

Danny: Can’t. Genetic immunity. Also grandma Talia already tried.

Batman: …Talia knows?

Danny: Oh yeah. She loves me. Calls me “the tolerable Wayne.”

Damian: I despise this timeline.

Danny: That’s okay. Mom said you’d say that. Dad cried when I inherited her empathy and your anger issues though.

Batman: already opening the contingency files

Danny: Don’t bother. I inherited ghost powers from a lab accident too.

Batfamily watching from the security cameras

Jason: “Oh thank God, Damian finally got humbled.” Tim: “The glowing kid called Bruce grandpa and Bruce didn’t deny it.” Dick: “HE CAN PHASE THROUGH WALLS?!” Cass: silent delighted thumbs up Steph: “Future goth divorce baby speedrun any%.”

[papayafromtv]

*on Stephanie not being a legal child of Bruce Wayne*

Steph: oh he tried to adopt me, but i wouldn’t let him.

Jason: see- i tried that after i came back to life. he wouldn’t let me go.

Steph: you don’t have my skills.

Dick, grinning: how did you get him to back off?

Steph: i told him if he legally adopted me i would immediately seduce Tim again and he’d have to deal with all the adopted incest headlines in the Gotham Gazette.

Jason: *cackles*

Dick: oh that’s genius- i mean it’s mean, but genius.

Tim: wait wait wait- *snort* whaddaya mean ‘i’d seduce Tim’? why are you assuming you’d succeed? you think you could get me even if you were my adopted sister?

Steph, empathetically: Tim, buddy, look at you, and look at me.

Tim:

Steph: you’d take whatever you could get regardless of the context and you know it.

Jason: *cackles even harder*

Tim: i’ve literally never been more offended in my life what the fuck.

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 66 (masterpost here)

Damian: *heavy breathing*

Damian: *grunt* *air whooshing* *grunt*

Damian: *harsh, pounding footsteps*

Damian: *heavy breathing*

*2 connecting pings*

Tim: *equally fast footsteps* ROBIN KNOCK IT OFF.

Jason: seriously- *amused chuckle* what the fuck are you doin' kiddo?

Damian: *grunt* *rushing footsteps*

Tim: WHY WON'T YOU- YOU'VE BEEN CHASING ME FOR TWENTY MINUTES WHY WONT YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHY?!

Damian: *grunt*

Tim: n- *huff* no- i'm not- IM NOT FUCKING STOPPING UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHY.

Jason: *snickering* this is fucking- this is amazing. i dunno what it is but it's great.

Tim: WHY AREN'T YOU- STOP FILMING, HOOD-

Jason: dude, seriously, just stop running away. what's the worst he does, stab you?

Tim: W- YES?!?!

Damian: *panting, rushing footsteps, grapple going off*

Tim: oh my GOD- FINE. ROBIN. ROBIN? I'M GONNA STOP ON THAT ROOFTOP. DO NOT FUCKING HURT ME OR I'M CALLING BATMAN.

*scrape of gravel*

*silence*

*harsh slapping sound*

Tim: ACK-

Jason: ohohoho that was LOUD man, i woulda heard that from all the way over here even without the coms.

Tim: THE FUCK DID YOU SLAP ME FOR?!

Damian: *panting*

*a beat*

Damian, gasping for breath: yellow car, no returns.

*long stretch of silence*

Tim, dangerously calm: excuse me?

Damian: *rushing footsteps, grapple going off, loud wind*

Jason: *instant loud cackles* OH MY- HOLY FUCK-

Tim: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

*disconnecting ping*

Tim: ROBIN.

Jason: *genuinely losing his entire shit* I CAN'T- *wheeze* *high-pitched* i can't- oh my god Robin,

Tim, completely serious: i'm gonna fucking kill him when we get home.

Jason: *still wheezing* i'm so- i'm so proud of how i raised that child, oh my god,

Tim: fuck you Hood.

Jason, weeping: i'm putting this on youtube,

Tim: NO.

[papayafromtv]

Jason Todd is publicly revealed to be alive and yet he still has a bit of a vendetta against Bruce, so much so that he decides to use his revival as a way to completely destroy Bruce's entire public reputation. he does this by waiting until the Gotham media look to him for interviews and answers about where the fuck he's been for the past few years and, choking up a couple expertly-faked tears, Jason proceeds to lie his ass off about how Bruce kicked him out the house at fifteen and he's spent the past few years doing his best to 'make something of himself in order to make Bruce proud enough that he'd finally be let back in the family'.

Bruce did not know Jason would be doing this. Bruce was happily standing next to Jason during this initial live interview. Bruce is caught on camera abruptly dropping into a look of pure indignation that he directs at Jason in a screenshotted still that in the future will become a Gotham-wide reaction meme for the rest of fucking time.

for now though, everybody thinks he kicked his kid out the house at fifteen and that he's a horrible father, so he has to do damage control.

unfortunately, publicly pointing at Jason like an enraged child and saying 'HOLD ON- NO HOLD ON THAT'S BULLSHIT WAIT A SECOND-' is not overly helpful. Bruce's pr managers decide the best way to convince everybody Jason is lying is to get somebody else who was actually there at the time to speak up in Bruce's defence.

they put Dick on a live interview, who solemnly swears he'll have the whole thing sorted out in minutes.

"yeah man that happened. you think Jason was the first victim? why do you think i had to go to Bludhaven? he still won't let me move back to Gotham, you guys. i can't pay my heating bill. i get cold at night. it hurts. i really miss when Bruce loved us, you know?"

Bruce hates his children.

[shortbcofkoffee]

Interviewer, catching Damian in costume: Robin! Can you explain the process of picking up Robin or passing on the mantle?

Damian, mildly annoyed at Bruce at the moment: It's quite simple. Batmam steals young children from their bed, usually nine or ten or so. Then he takes you to his lair and give you a deal.

Damian: If you can beat him in a game of your choosing, he will train you to be Robin. If you lose, you are eaten. I beat him in a classic fencing game. He's quite good with swords, but he wasn't very good with the sport itself.

Tim, standing next to him: Yeah, I beat him at a memory card game. I like totally cheated, but I'm too old for him to eat now, so ot doesn't matter.

Damian, nodding: Yes. The worst part of the job is disposing of failed Robins bones. He usually sucks them clean and leaves them all over the floor.

Tim: Yeah, its messy. But after you hit, like 15 he stops trying to eat you, so that's cool.

Damian: I have not yet reached 15. I'm still in danger. If you have more questions, ask Nightwing, as he was the first to avoid being eaten.

-

Same interviewer, at a different date: Mr. Nightwing. Is it true Batman tries to eat potential Robins?

Dick, who has no idea what she's taking about: Yeah, it's really scary. His jaw unhinges like a snake.

[avayarising]