nothing will change if you never choose

Emily. 31. Girlsss. She/her. WV. Halsey. Pugs. Cute girls. Trencher. Hamiltrash. Coliver. Give me books and tea.

[sargent-major-jane]

alex:

also alex:

[dailyflicks]

#mood

[sandmandaddy69]

[get-thee-to-a-shrubbery]

[ferret-on-pancakes]

[its-your-mind]

[lizardsfromspace]

Oh my god Wisconsin's governor just used a line item veto to secure school funding increases every year through 2425. He struck out a line so it now reads "through the 2023-2425 school year". He's allowed to do this lol

[lizardsfromspace]

Coastal Dems: now we can't go too far now haha, we can't. We've got to be reasonable, you know, also eight of us might defect to the Republicans if you're mean to us

Midwest Dems in control of no legislative bodies:

[ublock-origin]

i love blackout poetry

[weaver-z]

I love Clark Kent because realistically both a nice 6'5 superhero with godlike powers AND a friendly 6'5 country boy reporter would be rolling in bitches, but Clark suffers from terminal Sweetiepie Syndrome and has zero game as a result

[weaver-z]

Fighting for his LIFE on the phone with a cute girl. He's so real for this.

[weaver-z]

I'm happy to see that the notes are still divided into people who are roasting him for the use of "hey-o" and people who are being very open about their carnal desire for this man.

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

okay so

be a goth. conservative christian parents don't approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can

know more about religion than the parents. they'll try to introduce you to christianity because you don't exactly look like a christian but your dad's an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you'll correct them on every little mistake they make

call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i'm talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like "my liver" or "my little cabbage" (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won't know this they'll just think you're annoying :3)

to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else

stare at her older brother's ass for just a little too long

have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle

let them quote bible verses to you. then ask "so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?". it's very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it's even funnier when you've just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history

ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn't make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-

be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it's just an act)

go and fuck her brother in an alleyway. the parents won't know about this so it's an optional step

use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that

just be yourself! that's enough on its own to make them despise you tbh

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

yes

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you

[captain--steve--rogers]

Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

yes

[vivid-mercury]

I wonder why

[flightyquinn]

Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you've never met the parents before. Absolute power move.

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

asdgfgsjfh im totally doing this

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

want an update?

ofc you do

but i'm too tired to write all of what happened down right now so instead try to imagine the most awkward situation you've ever been in.

now multiply the awkwardness by 100

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

first of all i'm just gonna show the difference in what i was wearing

an example of what i would wear as my friend's fake bf:

and as my boyfriend's actual bf:

when my bf and i showed up his dad did such a double take

sooo yeah my bf told his parents he's gay, they looked surprised but told him it was fine... then they shared a look of pure horror (seriously, it was like they had just found out they're in the matrix) and said

"and uh. why is...he here?"

i went and introduced myself like we had never met before and said i was their son's boyfriend

:3

i've never seen two people look more angry before but they weren't gonna say anything because they had other family members over

the family members who had never met me before and therefore knew nothing about the fake relationship thing started asking me what faith i am. i said i was raised protestant, though i'm not very religious now, but that's something i want to change. i had never mentioned anything about being a protestant before and i had said several times that my family was greek orthodox but gaslight gatekeep girlboss

aaaand then the awkwardness began. those were probably the most awkward minutes of my life (we didn't stay for long because i thought the dad was gonna hit me [he probably was. i saw him clenching his fists several times]) and i don't think anyone has ever looked at me with such murderous intent as my bf's parents

[christs-cock-deactivated2023110]

update two electric boogaloo ig

i have a girlfriend now🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

[kusali]

I know this is a terrible thing to say but I would give anything to see this like, as a bystander and not someone who's lost a loved one. Can you imagine

[victusinveritas]

After the eulogy at a fairly beloved professor's funeral his son stood up and said "And now for a rebuttal." It went on for twenty five minutes.

Turns out the sainted professor was an utter bastard to his family.

[funnytwittertweets]

[thelightfluxtastic]

Entirely unverifiable headcanon

Larry: Their new guardian is the most fierce and formidable member of our organization. (Meaning Josephine) Olaf: Wait, not Snicket? (Meaning Kit) Larry: What? No. Isn't he dead? (Thinking Lemony) Olaf: Is he? (Now thinking Jacques)

[onlyblackgirl]

ADOPTION FUN FACT

If you’re adopted internationally into the United States, BY adoption LAWS you’re legally a citizen, but you still have to apply for documentation and if it’s not done by the age of 18 you have to pay over $500 and get a judge to reopen your adoption case. 

Even More Fun Fact: No one actually tells adoptive families, this so many find out after they’re 18 when their kid needs to get a passport, wants to apply for financial aid, get certain jobs, vote or some other shit that requires proof of citizenship and now it’s too late because they’re 18 or over. 

AND EVEN MORE FUN FACT! You can sometimes even be deported because you can be considered foreign-born, non-citizens! 

Oh and they won’t accept adoption papers or a birth certificate as proof. 

Adoption is FUN. 

[confessionsofbirthmothers]

Do it now! Seriously. Even if you think you are safe. Do it.

Many people are finding that even a birth certificate is not valid proof anymore. Texas birth certificates are notorious. So notorious that I have 3 friends who can’t use them to get passports! Don’t think everything is hunky dory. You must nail down your citizenship.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/filling-out-form-n-600-application-certificate-citizenship.html

Plus the cost for your citizenship certificate is almost doubling this fall.

[elf-kid2]

SIGNAL BOOST.

[thepioden]

Some Naturalization/Citizenship Certificate tips from me, the person who front-end processes these forms for half the country: the passport people are absolute garbage at sending your Naturalization Certificate back to you. Unfortunately, they also require it for you to get a passport. If you don’t get it back, whine at them about it and they will probably cover the cost of the replacement.  

Also! It takes up to 12 months to get a replacement certificate. If you urgently need your Natz Cert to visit your dying relative in another country, the word you want to use is ‘Expedite’. Not ‘ASAP’. Not ‘rush’. Expedite. Write a letter explaining why you need it expedited, if you do. Otherwise the USCIS data-entry grunts (me!) aren’t allowed to throw it into the expedite line and it gets relegated to the Backlog Crypts. 

Also! You need to get a new Naturalization Certificate if your name and/or gender legally changes, because a lot of places want your proof of citizenship for things like Social Security and student loans and Medicaid/EBT/welfare benefits and drivers’ licenses. 

ALSO ALSO both the N600 ($600) that you use to apply for your Naturalization Certificate in the first place and N565 ($345) that you use to apply for a replacement certificate are eligible for FEE WAIVERS. It’s called an I912. Learn it, love it, use it. 

Please for your sake make sure you are using the current version of the form. The most common reason I have to reject an N565 is because someone sent me something that expired in 2013. The current one is seven pages long. Please send the government all seven of them. 

[lesbianscieszka]

Beatrice: Would you still love me if I was a worm?

Lemony: *Sweats*

[itschinyere-deactivated20200201]

Note to my ex.

Today my professor told me every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years. How comforting it is to know that one day I will have a body that you will have never touched.

[mieshasmoore-deactivated2021091]

This just made me feel so warm.

[iamfrenchfrie]

thank you.

[bronze-for-birdy]

Important especially for victims of abuse, remember your body is yours and it heals in more ways than you realize.

[punkpoemprose]

Okay, so I just want to say that this isn’t necessarily true. Most of your cells have died and regrown several times in seven years, but some haven’t, and some have died and won’t return. The seven year cell renewal is a myth perpetuated by popsci in magazines everywhere.

That being said, anywhere they may have touched you, your skin, your hair, your nails and so on, was changing the moment they departed your life, even before that. Your skin became skin they’ve never touched within 27 days. Your hair grows (on average) six inches per year, so depending on how long yours is, you were rid of their touch there within a few years tops. Your nails will completely regrow within six months tops. You were a body they never touched within three or four years. You will be a body they never touched within three or four years.

You have been rewriting your body, you are your own, you are constantly changing, and you are the only one who owns your body 100% of the time.

[lamiacea-deactivated20210106]

I’m here for correcting science myths in supportive ways.

[fanonical]

someone: wow, you have such a good vocabulary, you must be really smart! me: no, i just read a lot of a series of unfortunate events as a kid

[pusheen]

[redhead-mcgee]

Don’t call me kid. Don’t call me baby. Look at this idiotic fool that you made me. You taught me a secret language. I can't speak with anyone else.

And you know damn well… for you, I would ruin myself a million little times.

[icouldwritebooks]

I love it when the little kids I’m teaching online have complete and total misconceptions of what’s going on. So far, I’ve encountered the following:

1. I had been teaching a little girl for several months, when one day she said to me: “My mother says you’re a real person, not an app. If you’re a real person, show me your husband.”

2. I was about to end a class, but the little girl I was teaching didn’t want the class to end. She turned to her mom and asked if she could please watch one more episode. Turns out she was under the impression that I was a very interactive TV program.

3. I couldn’t find my marker in class today. The boy I was teaching was like, “What’s your apartment number? I’ll come up and help you find it!” The boy lives in China and I live in the United States. I guess most people he knows live in the same building as him, so he assumed I did too.

4. I had been teaching a kid for quite some time when I mentioned my age in class. She was like, “Wait, you’re an adult????” She’d thought I was twelve.

[pageofheartdj]

This is so adorable and hilarious

[brattylikestoeat]

[gravityjunior]

That's because pea flower tea works naturally as a ph indicator! It will turn magenta when mixed with acid (lemon juice) but will turn cyan green when mixed with something alkaline (baking powder, bleach etc.)

[kaouala]

i'm not putting bleach in my tea