jess

[homunculus-argument]

One thing I’ve learned about writing is ”give everything a face”. It’s no good to write passively that the nobility fled the city or that the toxic marshes were poisoning the animals beyond any ability to function. Make a protagonist see how a desperate woman in torn silks climbs onto a carriage and speeds off, or a two-headed deer wanders right into the camp and into the fire. Don’t just have an ambiguous flock of all-controlling oligarchy, name one or two representatives of it, and illustrate just how vile and greedy they are as people.

it’s bad to have characters who serve no purpose in the story, but giving something a face is a perfectly valid purpose.

[wike-wabbits]

Vintage charms

[stjeffofthenorth-deactivated202]

[special-lucky-chosen-one]

the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that this counts as the most successful military maneuver of all time: they incurred NEGATIVE CASULTIES

[ginger-snap-talkin-nonsense]

“Just give it to me straight-how many did we lose?”

“None but we gained a Kyle.”

[un-caffe-per-favore]

@pipewrench-scratch

[dr-algernop-deactivated20220313]

As opposed to Poland who conscripted a literal bear

[ki-adi-money]

Imagine transferring into a unit and a bear just walks by carrying a case of explosives.

[bigwordsandsharpedges]

Wojtek was deeply beloved and useful in battle. After the war, his unit gave the bear to the Edinburgh Zoo, where he was frequently visited and given treats by Polish veterans for the rest of his life.

[rosswoodpark]

‪GOD I found another article about why ADHD kids say “I don’t know” so much. my entire childhood was getting yelled at for doing some ADHD shit and me not being able to offer an explanation when asked why I did something. ‬

[abcsofadhd]

Adding to this, its cause of our executive dysfunction and emotional dysregulation (naturally there’s more things at play than just these two but I’m naming main aspects).

We tend to have alexithymia, meaning we have difficulty identifying and describing own feelings. 

You can’t say how you feel if you legit don’t know.

Self monitoring is an executive function; our self awareness about how we are doing presently .. which is hampered in ADHDers. 

You can’t say what you think if you legit don’t know.

[gayvian]

oh my god

[midsummernight98]

good types of alone time:

“decadence”

rewatch pride & prejudice (2005 or 1995, your pick)

take a long shower & shave legs

stare at face in mirror for a long time, reflect on changes that have occured in past year

sara bareilles cd on repeat

“deep mystery”

lying on the floor listening to music you liked fifteen years ago

watch dust motes travel across the room in the late afternoon haze

what would be different about my life if i had been a cheerleader in high school?

what was the title of that book you read in the fourth grade?  you only remember the main character’s name and nothing about the plot.  you spend the next three hours googling and then you drop $60 for a first edition on ebay

cup of tea, then another

are you there god?

“efficiency”

take out five boxes of paperwork from the closet and spend the next three hours making small piles around your body on the floor

write first chapter of novel

cover wall in post it notes

lists lists lists

highlight everything

now’s a good time to start that bullet journal

must empty email inbox

plan out next five years of life down to the month, week, day

“shake it up”

blast nsync while scrubbing out microwave

rearrange living room four different ways

today’s a good day to repaint your bedroom

let’s research and plan a trip to san francisco

develop new fashion style, must throw away all items of clothes that don’t work with it

“rain day”

light candle, open windows, put on sweater

reread old favorite book

pet a cat

listen to jewel cd

[badassunicorn2016]

Writing Tip June 4th

A list of body language phrases.

I’ve included a very comprehensive list, organized by the type of body movement, hand and arm movements, facial expressions etc. In some cases, a phrase fits more than one heading, so it may appear twice. Possible emotions are given after each BL phrase unless the emotion is indicated within the phrase. (They are underlined for emphasis, not due to a hyperlink.)

Note: I’ve included a few body postures and body conditions as they are non-verbal testimony to the character’s physical condition.

Have fun and generate your own ideas.:-)

Eyes, Brows and Forehead

arched a sly brow:  sly, haughty

blinked owlishly:  just waking, focusing, needs glasses

brows bumped together in a scowl:  worried, disapproving, irritated

brows knitted in a frown: worried, disapproval, thoughtful

bug-eyed:  surprised, fear, horror

cocky wink and confident smile:  over confidence, arrogant, good humor, sexy humor

eyes burned with hatred: besides hatred this might suggest maniacal feelings

eyes flashed: fury, defiance, lust, promise, seduction

eyes rolled skyward: disbelief, distrust, humor

forehead puckered:  thoughtful, worried, irritation

frustration crinkled her eyes

gaze dipped to her décolletage: sexual interest, attraction, lust

gimlet-eyed/narrowed eyes: irritation, thoughtful, mean, angry

gleam of deviltry:  humor, conniving, cunning

kept eye contact but her gaze became glazed: pretending interest where there is none/bordom

narrowed to crinkled slits:  angry, distrust

nystagmic eyes missed nothing (constantly shifting eyes):  Shifty

pupils dilated:  interested, attraction to opposite sex, fear

raked her with freezing contempt

slammed his eyes shut:  stunned, furious, pain

squinted in a furtive manner:  fearful, sneaky

stared with cow eyes:  surprised, disbelief, hopeful, lovestruck

subtle wink:  sexy, humor/sharing a joke, sarcasm

unrelenting stare: distrust, demanding, high interest, unyielding

Place To Place, Stationary Or Posture

ambled away:  relaxed, lazy

barged ahead:  rude, hurried

battled his way through the melee:  desperate, anger, alarm

cruised into the diner:  easy-going, feeling dapper, confident

dawdled alongside the road:  lazy, deliberate delay for motives, unhurried, relaxed

dragged his blanket in the dirt:   sadness/depressed, weary

edged closer to him:  sneaky, seeking comfort, seeking protection, seeking an audience

he stood straighter and straightened his tie:  sudden interest, sexual attraction

held his crotch and danced a frantic jig: demonstrates physical condition – he has to pee

hips rolled and undulated:  sexy walk, exaggerating for sex appeal

hovered over them with malice/like a threatening storm: here it’s malice, but one may hover for many reasons.

hunched over to look shorter:  appear inconspicuous, ashamed of actions, ashamed of height

leaped into action feet hammering the marbled floor:  eager, fear, joyous

long-legged strides:  hurried, impatient

lumbered across:  heavy steps of a big man in a hurry

minced her way up to him: timid, sneaky, insecure, dainty or pretense at dainty

paced/prowled the halls:  worried, worried impatience, impatient, diligently seeking pivoted on his heel and took off:  mistaken and changes direction, following orders, hurried, abrupt change of mind, angry retreat

plodded down the road:  unhurried, burdened, reluctant

practiced sensual stroll:  sexy, showing off

rammed her bare foot into her jeans: angry, rushed

rocked back and forth on his heels: thoughtful, impatiently waiting

sagged against the wall:  exhausted, disappointment

sallied forth:  confident, determined

sashayed her cute little fanny:  confident, determined, angered and determined

shrank into the angry crowd:  fear, insecure, seeking to elude

sketched a brief bow and assumed a regal pose: confident, mocking, snooty, arrogant skidded to an abrupt halt: change of heart, fear, surprise, shock

skulked on the edges of the crowd: sneaky, ashamed, timid

slithered through the door:  sneaky, evil, bad intentions

stormed toward her, pulling up short when: anger with a sudden surprise

swaggered into the class room:  over confident, proud, arrogant, conceited

tall erect posture:  confidence, military bearing

toe tapped a staccato rhythm:  impatience, irritation

tottered/staggered unsteadily then keeled over:  drunk, drugged, aged, ill

waltzed across the floor:  happy, blissful, exuberant, conceited, arrogant

Head Movement

cocked his head:  curiosity, smart-alecky, wondering, thoughtful

cocked his head left and rolled his eyes to right corner of the ceiling:  introspection

droop of his head: depressed, downcast, hiding true feelings

nodded vigorously: eager

tilted her head to one side while listening:  extreme interest, possibly sexual interest

Mouth And Jaw

a lackluster smile:  feigning cheerfulness

cigarette hung immobile in mouth: shock, lazy, uncaring, relaxed casualness

clinched his jaw at the sight:  angered, worried, surprised

curled her lips with icy contempt

expelled her breath in a whose:  relief, disappointment

gagged at the smell: disgust, distaste

gapped mouth stare:  surprised, shock, disbelief

gritted his teeth:  anger, irritation, holding back opinion

inhaled a sharp breath:  surprise, shock, fear, horror

licked her lips:  nervous, sexual attraction

lips primed: affronted, upset, insulted

lips pursed for a juicy kiss

lips pursed like she’d been chewing a lemon rind: dislike, angry, irritated, sarcasm

lips screwed into: irritation, anger, grimace, scorn

lips set in a grim line: sorrow, worried, fear of the worst

pursed her lips:  perturbed, waiting for a kiss

scarfed down the last biscuit:  physical hunger, greed

slack-mouthed:  total shock, disbelief

slow and sexy smile:  attraction, seductive, coy

smacked his lips: anticipation

smile congealed then melted into horror

smile dangled on the corner of his lips: cocky, sexy

smirked and tossed her hair over her shoulder:  conceit, sarcasm, over confident

sneered and flicked lint off his suit: sarcasm, conceit

spewed water and spit: shock

stuck out her tongue: humor, sarcasm, teasing, childish

toothy smile:  eagerness, hopeful

wary smile surfaced on her lips

Nose

nose wrinkled in distaste/at the aroma

nostrils flared:  anger, sexual attraction

nose in the air:  snooty, haughty

Face in General

crimson with fury

handed it over shame-faced

jutted his chin: confident, anger, forceful

managed a deadpan expression:  expressionless

muscles in her face tightened:  unsmiling, concealing emotions, anger, worried

rested his chin in his palm and looked thoughtful

rubbed a hand over his dark stubble:  thoughtful, ashamed of his appearance

screwed up her face:  anger, smiling, ready to cry, could almost be any emotion

sneered and flicked lint off his suit: conceit, derision, scorn

Arm and Hand

a vicious yank

arm curled around her waist, tugging her next to him:  possessive, pride, protective

bit her lip and glanced away:  shy, ashamed, insecure

brandished his fist:  anger, threatening, ready to fight, confident, show of pride

clamped his fingers into tender flesh:  anger, protective, wants to inflict pain

clenched his dirty little fists: stubborn, angry

clapped her hands on her hips, arms crooked like sugar bowel handles:  anger, demanding, disbelief

constantly twirled her hair and tucked it behind her ear:  attracted to the opposite sex, shy crossed his arms over his chest: waiting, impatient, putting a barrier

crushed the paper in his fist:  anger, surrender, discard

dived into the food: hunger, eager, greedy

doffed his hat:  polite gesture, mocking, teasing

doodled on the phone pad and tapped the air with her foot:  bored, inattention, introspection

drummed her fingers on the desk:  impatient, frustrated, bored

fanned her heated face with her hands: physically hot, embarrassed, indicating attraction

fiddled with his keys: nervous, bored

firm, palm to palm hand shake:  confident, honest

flipped him the bird: sarcastic discard

forked his fingers through his hair for the third time:  disquiet/consternation, worry, thoughtful

handed it over shame-faced:  guilt, shame

held his crotch and danced a frantic jig:  physical need to relieve himself

limp hand shake:  lack of confidence, lack of enthusiasm

propped his elbow on his knee: relaxed, thoughtful

punched her pillow:  restless, can’t sleep, angry

rested his chin in his palm:  thoughful, worried

scratched his hairy belly and yawned:  indolent, bored, lazy, relaxed, just waking

shoulders lifted in a shrug:  doubtful, careless discard

slapped his face in front of God and country:  enraged, affronted/insulted

snapped a sharp salute:  respect, sarcastic gesture meaning the opposite of respect

snapped his fingers, expecting service:  arrogant, lack of respect, self-centered

sneered and flicked lint off his suit

spread her arms wide: welcoming,  joy, love

stabbed at the food: anger, hunger, determined

stood straighter and smoothed his tie:  sudden interest, possible sexual interest

stuffed his hands in his pockets: self-conscious, throwing up a barrier

sweaty handshake:  nervous, fearful

touched his arm several times while explaining:  sign of attraction, flattery, possessive

wide sweep of his arms:  welcoming, all inclusive gesture, horror

Sitting or Rising

collapsed in a stupor:  exhausted, drunk, drugged, disbelief

enthroned himself at the desk:  conceit, pronouncing or taking ownership

exploded out of the chair:  shock, eager, anger, supreme joy

roosted on the porch rail like a cock on a hen house roof:  claiming ownership, conceit, content

sat, squaring an ankle over one knee:  relaxed and open

slouched/wilted in a chair and paid languid attention to:  drowsy, lazy, depressed, disinterest, sad, totally relaxed, disrespectful

squirmed in his chair: ill at ease, nervous, needs the bathroom

Recline

flung himself into the bed: sad, depressed, exhausted, happy

prostrated himself: surrender, desperate, miserable, powerless, obsequious, fawning, flattering

punched her pillow:  can’t sleep, anger, frustrated

threw himself on the floor kicking and screaming: tantrum

Entire body and General

body stiffened at the remark:  offended, anger, alerted

body swayed to music:  dreamy, fond memories, enjoys the music

bounced in the car seat, pointing:  excitement, fear, eager

cowered behind his brother:  fear, shyness, coward, desperate

curled into a ball:  sorrow, fear, sleepy, defensive

heart galloping:  anxiety, joy, eager

held his crotch and danced a frantic jig

humped over his cane, each step shaking and careful: pain, aged

inhaled a deep breath and blew out slowly: buying time to find words/thoughtful, reconciled

quick and jerky like rusty cogs on a wheel:  unsure of actions, self-conscious, tense, edgy

rocked back and forth on his heels:  impatient, cocky, gleeful

manhandled the woman into a corner:  bully, anger

slumped shoulders: defeat, depressed, sad, surrender

stiff-backed:  priggish, haughty, affronted

stood straighter and straightened his tie:  sexual interest, wants to make an impression

stooped and bent: aged, arthritic, in pain

stretched extravagantly and yawned:  tired, bored, unconcerned

sweating uncontrollably: nervous, fear, guilt

tall erect posture:  confidence, military bearing

was panting now at:  afraid, exhausted, out of breath, sexual excitement

-Sharla Rae

[librarydvd]

sisi.lovelove on ig

[fillianore-moved]

so metropolitan museum of art has a register of books they’ve published that are out of print and that you can download for free! they’re mostly books on art, archeology, architecture, fashion and history and i just think that’s super useful and interesting so i wanted to share! you can find all of the books available here!

[beben-eleben]

For future reference.

[mollimassacre-deactivated201408]

Thank you.

[fuckyeahifightlikeagirl]

For those who would ever need it. -C

[rapeculturerealities]

reblogging here because i can see this being relevant to anyone who’s ever tried to get out of an abusive relationship

[directorlazard-deactivated20171]

Reblogging because that last comment made me reread the whole thing in a new light and realize this could be vital information. So, putting it out there for everyone, and hoping no one ever really needs it.

[fiti-vation]

[ernasd]

oh this is a life saver

[gallusrostromegalus]

So these are both “Aw Fuck I’m outta real food” meals BUT ALSO:  if you’re learning how to cook, these are great “baby steps” meals to learn how to cook basics into something enjoyable without “wasting” anything expensive.  Though I maintain that even cooking screw-ups are valuable in terms of lessons learned.

Also they’re great for when you get absorbed in something and you realize your blood sugar is dropping and you need to make something Quick.

[asymbina]

I don’t think of myself as a cook at all, but I looked through this list and was like “if you have [center] and [any item on a surrounding ring] how do you sit there thinking you’ve got nothing to eat?” Like, I buy a fair amount of staples knowing that I’ll be able to quickly assemble them into something tasty if I’m hungry and don’t have anything instant (or in a leftovers container because I made it earlier in the week specifically to eat for a week): butter, cheese, noodles, and more.

[elodieunderglass]

It still impresses people how I can go into random kitchens with no food in them and emerge with Filling Snacks for Five People. This is the secret: knowing how to assemble Cupboard Meals. And these charts are incredibly well-laid-out too!

[songsfromtheveil-deactivated202]

Adding butter and some of the pasta water to the pasta + parmesan + black pepper combo will also give you a simple alfredo.

[lesbianralzarek]

reposting this instead of reblogging from positive-memes, which is used by amazon

[mysharona1987]

[roachpatrol]

I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF SLAVES IN THE WORLD? HOW IS THIS ANY KIND OF PROBLEM. 

[kaijutegu]

good news, you can! the company’s called Tony’s Chocolonely and their entire purpose is to make slave-free chocolate and reform the chocolate industry.

https://tonyschocolonely.com/us/en

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony%27s_Chocolonely

Whole Foods carries it. If you don’t want to support an Amazon-owned company, World Market carries it. You can also buy it directly from the company. 

It’s the best chocolate I’ve ever had and it’s 100% slave free. Tony’s Chocolonely works really hard to push for transparency within the chocolate industry and actually has and is following an action plan to eliminate slavery within cocoa production. They’re good people who make good chocolate.

[rsbenedict-deactivated20181216]

A list of slavery-free chocolate companies:

Aldi

Aloha Feels Chocolate

Alma Chocolate

Alter Eco Chocolate

Amano Chocolate

Askinoise Chocolate

The Beach Chocolate Factory

Belicious

Black Mountain Chocolate

Cacaoteca

Caribeans Chocolate

Castronovo Chocolate

Charm School Chocolates

Chocolate Cartel

Chocolat Celeste

Chocolate Tree

Chocolate Troubadour

Choconat

Coco Chocolate

Compartes Chocolates

Dandelion Chocolate

Dark Forest Chocolate

Denman Island Chocolate

Divine Chocolate Co.

Eating Evolved

Eat Your Hat

El Ceibo

The Endangered Species

Equal Exchange

Fairafric

Forever Cocoa

Fresco Chocolate

Fruition Chocolate

Gayleen’s Decadence

GEPA Chocolate

Giddy Yo Yo

Grenada Chocolate Company

Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate

Guittard

Habitual Chocolate

Hagensborg Chocolates

Health by Chocolate

Hilo Shark Chocolate

HNINA Gourmet

Honest Artisan Chocolate

Hooray  Tuffles

Ithaca Fine Chocolates

L.A. Burdick Chocolates

La Iguana Chocolate

Lake Champlain Chocolates

La Siembra Cooperative

Lillie Belle Farms

Madecasse

Malagasy

Maverick Chocolate Company

Max Havelaar

Mayan Monkey

Mayordomo

Mia Chocolate

Montezuma’s Chocolates

Nayah Amazon Chocolates

Newman’s Own Organics

Purdy’s Chocolate

Omanahene Cocoa Bean Company

Ombar

OpuLux Fair Trade Chocolate

Original Hawaiian Chocolate

Parliament Chocolate

Montevérgine

Patric Chocolate

Plamil Organic Chocolate

Potomac Chocolate

Pure Lovin’ Chocolate

Rain Republic

Rapunzel Pure Organics

Ritual Chocolate

Samaritan Xocolata

Sappho Chocolates

Seed & Bean Chocolate

Shaman Chocolates

Sibú Chocolate

Solkiki Chocolate

Sweet Earth Chocolates

Sweet Impact Fudge

Sweet Riot

Sun Eaters Organics

Taza Chocolate

Terra Nostra Organic

Terroir Chocolate

TCHO

The Chocolate Wave

Theo Chocolate

The Original Chocolate Bar (Houston, TX)

Tobago Estate Chocolate

TONY’S CHOCOLONELY

Vivani Chocolate

Vosges

Wei of Chocolate

Xocolatl Chocolate

Zotter

[weeelllp]

Crazy how the main three chocolate companies in the US are all terrible

[scootsenshi]

Makes sense

[jack-the-lion]

Good to have a list of alternatives!

[lesbian-ed]

So, as promised, here’s my list of lesbian movies for all of our lovely followers and the people you want to share it with. I hope I haven’t forgotten any good ones, but if you feel like that is the case, feel free to add movies to the list! 

This is my gift for all of you, I hope you’ll like it ♥

/ Mod W

Tipping the Velvet 

based on the book by sarah waters (she has written many lesbian books!)

it’s a bbc adapatation

technically a mini series but i like to see it as three hours of lesbian content heaven

it’s about this girl who falls in love with an actress and she goes to see her at the theatre five billion times until the actress notices her (that’s just the first part, other things happen to the main so watch the rest for more lesbian content~)

the main character (nan astley/king) is like… my fave. i love her.

the book is very good too!!!

honestly i have so much love for this movie/book i get all giddy just thinking of it

Bound

lesbian gangster/mob movie do i need to say more???

the main actresses are cute af (one of them is a butch lesbian!)

it’s awesome and very cool

(gonna trigger warn for use of lesbophobic slurs used by some characters/some lesbophobic violence)

Below Her Mouth

meh plot with amazing sex scenes basically?

a lot of sex scenes

i mean it like half the movie is graphic sex so if ur uncomfortable with that you probably shouldn’t watch it lol

all female cast

willa from wynonna earp!

The Handmaiden

also based on a book by sarah waters (called Fingersmith, there’s a bbc adaptation of it too which you should totally check out as well)

good quality movie right there

(putting a trigger warning here for sexual and psychological abuse and abuse in general)

Kyss Mig

one of few good swedish movies

basically about two step-sisters who fall in love (they’re not actually related i promise)

But I’m a Cheerleader

baby natasha lyonne is in this one! also i have a crush on clea duvall in this movie lol

a very cute love story tbh

good aesthetic

you’ve probably heard of it before but idc cause it’s great

(it’s like a satire of conversion therapy so if that’s something you can’t watch i don’t recommend this movie for you in particular)

If These Walls Could Talk 2 

a bunch of famous actresses (like chloë sevigny, michelle williams, natasha lyonne, ellen degeneres, etc. etc.)

divided in three segments from three different periods in time

one segment is set during the feminist movement in the 70s and features chloë sevigny as a butch lesbian with a motorcycle do i even need to say more??

Anatomy of a Love Seen

this is about two actresses who were a couple when they shot a movie together and now they have to go back and re-shoot some love scenes but they’re not a couple anymore and it’s sad af

i have basically never seen this movie in any rec lists but it’s actually one of my faves and i cry so much to this movie tbh

Saving Face

this is a good one

also pretty funny tbh!

it’s about a doctor who falls in love with a dancer and the doctor’s relationship with her conservative mom

it’s kind of rom-comish

Lost and Delirious

warning: very sad like super sad?

it’s about a girl who goes to a boarding school and so happens to become roommates with a lesbian couple

teen angst squared and multiplied with gay panic

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love

you may have heard of this one but if you haven’t it’s time you watch it

that woman who plays tina on the l word is a butch-ish girl in this one

VERY CUTE and chill

every time i watch this it feels like this movie is the director’s BABY like it seems like she cares about this story so much and it makes the movie feel so genuine and lovely

i want every baby lesbian to watch this, please, it’s my gift to you.

D.E.B.S.

you may have heard of this one too but if you haven’t seen it yet it’s definitely worth a watch!

lesbian spies!

the heroine falls in love with the villain (that enemies to lovers trope tho!!)

Desert Hearts

old but good!

i feel like this movie is on most of these long rec lists but people probably don’t watch it cause it’s old but it is actually pretty good!

your classic “oops i thought i was straight but that woman is hot” story

Margarita With a Straw

indian girl figures out she’s bi when she goes to uni in new york and meets a lesbian girl

cute, funny, sad, it has everything tbh

The Hours (actually one of my all-time favorite movies/books!)

The Intervention

The Kids Are All Right

The Children’s Hour

Elena Undone

Fucking Åmål 

[pr1nceshawn]

Survival Myths That Could Do More Harm Than Good.

[thahalfrican]

[queenstravelingdarling]

I….they out here trying to kill us with these myths!!!!

[blankthevidya]

How to make easy pixelart with aseprite

[cottoncanyon-deactivated2018012]

Holy shit

[toasti3s]

[undothedamage-blog]

How To Help Somebody Being Abused

Oh man, there’s an entire section in here on how to help someone being abused and it’s just so good. Please pick up a copy of this book and read at least that section. 

Quick Run Down:

“Your goal is to be the complete opposite of what the abuser is.”

Abusers pressure. So don’t pressure her into leaving, standing up to him, calling the police, etc.

Abusers talk down. So talk to her as an equal without any condescension.

Abusers think they know best. So remember that she’s an expert on her own life and needs.

Abusers dominate conversations. So listen more, talk less.

Abusers feel entitled to control. So respect her right to make decisions and stick with her even if you disagree with those choices.

Abusers think they know best re: children. So remember that she is a competent and loving mother who knows the full context of the decisions she must make.

Abusers think for their victims. So think with her. You’re not her hero, you’re a team mate.

Because empowerment and recovery for an abused woman can be a long process, people who want to be there for her tend to go through periods when their patience wears thin. They are tempted to aim their frustration at the woman herself, saying, “Well, if you put such a low value on yourself as to choose to be abused, I can’t keep hanging around, ” or “If you care about him more than you care about your children, you’re as sick as he is.” I understand why you feel irritated, but it doesn’t make sense to put her down. The message you send with such an outburst is that you think she is causing herself to be abused, which is just what the abuser is telling her. And the last thing you want to do is support his message.

Bancroft also reminds the reader that you shouldn’t measure your success in helping her by whether or not she leaves her partner, but rather by “how well you have respected the woman’s right to run her own life—which the abusive man does not do—and how well you have helped her to think of strategies to increase her safety.”

Also…

One more word of caution: I observe that many people are eager to find something wrong with an abused woman, because if they can’t, they are confronted with the uncomfortable reality that any woman can be abused. The urge to find fault in her interferes with your ability to help her—and ultimately colludes with the abusive man.

[nevertrustamanwho]

Link to pdf

[bookcub]

Gonna start a post with blank memes. Please add any you have on hand and reblog to spread them.

[antique-scarecrow]

very good content

[werewolf-cuddles]

Here’s a few I’ve accumulated over the years

[fairyofsomething]

Ah, some gold!

[glixbitch]

Omfg, a goldmine

[chaoticgouda]

@estheticallypleased

[evilyaoii]