I was daydreaming about classic romance tropes in books (I’m a huge romance fan) and I decided to spice a couple of my fav tropes up with the snzf*cker treatment. Why is there no snz kink book selection at Barns & Noodles or whatever it’s called? C’mon people…
Character ‘A’ and Character ‘B’ have known each other awhile. They’re friends, but not particularly close. ‘A’ is rather stoic and quiet, and therefore somewhat intimidating to everyone around them. 'B’ is the direct opposite: bubbly, outgoing, very caring and open with their emotions. As such, 'A’ is often on the receiving end of 'B’s affection and care. 'B’ is the only one who asks 'A’ if they’re feeling ok when they’re being even more quiet than usual. 'B’ will always chirp a blessing anytime 'A’ sneezes (whereas nobody else would dare), and the few times 'A’ has been visibly ill, 'B’ subtly takes on the role of caretaker and offers tissues, makes tea, etc.
'A’ has tolerated all this attention throughout their friendship with good-natured, but insistent, comments about how they don’t need to be coddled, they’re fine, they really just want to be left alone. But their protests never seems to sink in for 'B’.
'C’ joins their group and immediately hits it off with 'B’. 'C’ is outgoing, friendly, funny, and charming. 'A’ doesn’t think too much about it at first. Doesn’t even notice, really, since 'B’ is always making new friends.
One day, 'C’ shows signs of having a cold, and immediately 'B’ takes on the caretaker role, as usual. 'C’ is a much more grateful and gracious patient than 'A’ ever was; in fact, 'C’ seems to be really enjoying 'B’s attention, even being affectionate and effusive in their thanks.
At the same time, 'B’, either from finally accepting 'A’s protests or just from being so focused on caring for 'C’, doesn’t notice when 'A’ starts to fall ill, too. Doesn’t bless 'A’s sneezes, doesn’t ask how they’re doing. 'A’ is finally being left alone, just like they’ve asked for all this time.
And the minute 'A’ realizes this, they suddenly start to feel…something. A panicked feeling they don’t understand, and a growing, irrational anger at 'C’. Why is 'C’ getting all of 'B’s attention? What’s so great about 'C’s sneezes anyway? Hell, what’s so great about 'C’? Why does 'C’ always get blessed? 'B’ was their friend first. 'B’ was theirs, first.
It’s bad enough that 'A’ is in the grip of this awful cold, but now, for the first time, they’re an emotional wreck, too. And every unblessed sneeze just makes 'A’ feel worse, because…doesn’t 'B’ care about them anymore…?
And if so, how do they…fix that…?
'A’ is confident, friendly, and sadly, seems destined to be single forever. It’s not that they’re demanding or high-maintenance or even looking for the perfect mate; they just have…particular tastes…that have not been met by anyone.
It’s not like what they’re looking for is something impossible to find.
They just want to find someone nice, who is fairly attractive, with a good sense of humor–and most importantly, an excellent sneeze.
That’s it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently it is, as 'A’ has had their fair share of bad dates. 'Bad’ in that they were perfectly decent people, but…just not the right fit for 'A’s tastes.
Enter 'B’. 'B’ is attractive, and for one split second when they meet, 'A’ feels the faintest flutter of interest…
Then 'B’ opens their mouth, and proves to be the most arrogant and unpleasant person 'A’ has ever met. 'B’ is snobbish, cold, standoffish and everything 'A’ DOES NOT WANT in a mate. How could 'A’ have even thought 'B’ was attractive?!
In response, 'A’ immediately becomes just as frosty and cold anytime they have to interact with 'B’. So much so that they don’t notice 'B’s occasional smirks of amusement when 'A’ fires insults back at them, or the way that 'B’s dark eyes begin to light up with interest anytime 'A’ enters the room.
Then one day, 'B’ shows up looking…not well. 'A’ immediately notices the tinge of redness around 'B’s nose, and the way that 'B’ keeps trying–and failing–to hide their sniffles and nose rubs. Whether it’s a cold or allergies, 'A’ can’t be sure, but whatever it is, it’s…distracting…
But 'A’ isn’t worried. Even if 'B’ DOES sneeze (something that 'A’ up until this point hasn’t ever witnessed) 'A’ is sure that it will be just as repulsive to them as 'B’s entire personality is.
…and then 'B’ sneezes, and it’s the most perfect sneeze 'A’ has ever witnessed.
'B’s entire veneer of cold superiority drops in that instant of pure desperation, their cloak of power and control ripped from them as they’re left sniffling and seemingly vulnerable in the aftermath of their sudden display of humanity. And 'A’, stunned by what they’ve witnessed, completely forgets their hostility to offer a breathless and sincere “Bless you.”
To which 'B’, sniffling and trying to regain their composure, quietly says, “Thank you,” with a warmth and appreciation that 'A’ had not thought possible. And 'A’ suddenly feels their heart pounding with desire, even as they begin to scream internally: Oh. Oh no. No no no….!
