Halcyon Haven

Learning is my hyper fixation. I collect people who can teach me things. This blog is where the interests live.

[vamptits]

they want you to make fried rice

[memser]

who is "they"

[vamptits]

the wok left

[solongandthanksforallthefish42]

how am I supposed to make fried rice if the wok left

[6qubed]

skillet issue

[wizardshark]

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

[saspitite]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

[cartoonrival]

im completely addicted to Open Link in New Tab

[cartoonrival]

if Open Link in New Tab is wrong then baby i dont want to be right

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

When we were children, my sister had private music lessons at her violin teacher’s house. I only visited there once, but I still remember that afternoon. The teacher had an artificial pond in her yard, a large beautiful thing with lily pads and plant life. And in the pond, there were goldfish. I had never seen such enormous goldfish. 

I spent several minutes just staring at them (and trying to convince them to bite my fingers.) When my sister’s violin lesson ended, her teacher came out to the yard and explained that these goldfish were the same small creatures that were often unfortunately sold in plastic bags at state fairs. They were only about two inches long apiece, when she bought them and put them in the new, empty pond. In essence, they were like every goldfish I had seen before, but they had been given a much larger, much richer environment in which to flourish. As a result, they had grown into some of the most remarkable, vibrant creatures my twelve-year-old self had ever met with. All because of a pond. 

Funny what lessons children remember. My sister doesn’t play the violin anymore, but that was the first time I caught a glimpse of the overwhelming extent to which it matters, the way the world treats us.

[yellow-hatco]

Reblogged again for this drawing I made for it

[221b-hound]

Give us room to grow and see how we flourish.

[reinelefey]

Lmfao my belt is 6 inches looser than it was last month.

And I'm wearing size medium again.

[reinelefey]

Someone offered me a compliment today that genuinely knocked me speechless. Brain blank, face red, couldn't think of a WORD to fucking say.

I... Can't remember the last time that happened to me. The crazy part is, I kind of initiated it. Like. On purpose. And he responded?? Positively???

I'm. Sitting with that now in deep confusion. XD /I/ am personally confident that this man is SO FAR out of my league. But uh. My friends keep telling me I'm a bad bitch, and I DON'T KNOW WHEN THAT HAPPENED? Like. I KNOW I had the BDE on today, but like... I DONT KNOW. THIS IS WEIRD.

[reinelefey]

For the last 20 years I have been attempting to serve others and call it a relationship.

It has come to my attention that the only way that I'm able to recognize my own value is if I am of value to someone else, because my mother was a narcissist, and the only time that I was in her good books was when I was serving her interests.

Each and every relationship that I have been in over the past 20 years, has had the same themes. I attempt to satisfy every whim and urge of my partner before they even know that the urge has come, and when they are happy with my actions, I felt loved. Because I thought that this is what love is.

I have allowed myself to be dragged down by men who have not made improvements to themselves, and have clung to me like a life jacket to keep them from slipping into the depths of their own darkness.

I do not adequately know how to be a partner because I have never been a partner, in all reality. I have been a servant to the whims of others and thought that it was partnership.

I tire of being the anchor of peace and light, when I do not get to feel those two things myself. I tire of false love.

A man who loves me would choose me. A man who loves me would be interested in my AuDHD, my disability, my passions, and he would learn about those things, and about me, and help me through them when I need him to, instead of offering empty pleasantries, instead of saying that's rough, and walking away, instead of pretending to sympathize to get what they want from the interaction.

A man who loves me would want to be by my side, would want to do things with me that we both enjoy, and sometimes, even things that only one of us enjoys, sheerly for the joy of seeing the other be happy and enjoying themselves.

I guess I'm just tired. I'm tired of the people who give me false hope that this time, possibly, I AM loved, and not simply tolerated, or kept for usefulness. I am tired of being what people need, and making do with what I get. I am tired.

I just... wish that I hadn't ruined the one actual thing that I was hopeful for with my inability to be social. She felt different than the rest. But... Well. I went and ruined that with my tendency to draw away when things get rough for me.

Perhaps it is simply that I am not meant for a relationship. Perhaps it is that I am meant to give love without receiving it in return. Perhaps I am only the light to draw others from the dark, and when they have begun to thrive, release them to give their own light?

The sad truth of it is, I enjoy that my love language is acts of service. I ENJOY taking care of others, holding them closely when they need comfort, helping with problems that seem too big for one person to deal with. It's how I end up in this trap, so often. But, I simply... Need the same reciprocated. Because no matter how hyperindependent I am, I wish that I didn't have to be.

I suppose... I just wish I had someone else in my life that I could count on as much as I can count on myself. I wonder what that's like? Does it feel nice to be loved, and seen, I wonder? What is it like to have someone choose to stay by your side because that is the place that they WANT to be?

What is it like to give your heart to another, and feel that it is safe? I doubt I will ever know

[ultramaddie]

when it happens, there will be a crab rave like no other

[ultramaddie]

every day i ask the crabs “is now the time?”

and every day the crabs sadly reply with a negative

[edgebug]

[piranya]

[edgebug]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

in a funk bc i wanna eat scrambled emu eggs

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I lived in a place where duck eggs were cheap, and thus ate a lot of duck eggs (rich orange yolk, amazing when gently scrambled). I lived in a place where quail eggs were cheap, and thus ate a lot of quail eggs (hardboiled and marinated they make a versatile protein topping, but soft-boiled? ambrosia).

I have never lived any place where emu eggs were, to my knowledge, even available. this bums me the fuck out bc i suspect they would taste so good scrambled on toast. alas there is nothing in this world that could tempt me to set foot in australia

[dippasaur]

Well, allow me to help you out. I live in the US, but have worked with emus before. Specifically one male who adored me but his wife was infertile and would let me steal eggs from her nest on the regular.

They are super sweet. Like, fish fat sweet. The egg white itself is slightly see through and kinda looks like snot. Not very flavourful. C tier. The yolk though is HUGE, and is very, very tasty. Boiled or scrambled. :)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don't know what people are talking about with "hurts to see other people living your dream" i personally find it inspiring

[reinelefey]

Gaud, I live in Florida. I can get them pretty regularly. Want me to send to you?

[homunculus-argument]

The entire range of human skin tones varies from so pale white that it's almost kind of blue, to so deep black that it's almost kind of blue, and I think that's beautiful. Do you love the colour of the guy.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ask me about the difference between leopard/cheetah/jaguar print, it’s my field of expertise 

[woundedtoaster]

What is the difference? Please learn me a thing

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

cheetahs got dots! little dot dots i want to bop

leopards got filling. it’s cheetah 2.0. Cheetah on meth. look at that leopard shit. 

then there’s jaguar. Jaguar is madness. it took leopard print & decided wait. what if–MAW DOTS. it’s just leopard print with dots in the middle, it’s chaos

look at this bullshit

i’m angry just looking at it

so in ascending order: Cheetah < Leopard < Jaguar

C.L.J. someone come up with weird mnemonic for that, i’ve done enough work for you greedy bastards

[shakingmyfistatgod69420]

Cats love jazz

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

there it is

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Cats. Love. Jazz.

[jessilynallendilla]

[the-golden-dragoness]

I am sorry to everyone who tagged me in some tag game and I never responded. I saw it and thought “aww they thought of me” and proceeded to forget about it right after

[transgenderer]

french has a single verb for sleeping off alcohol, "cuver", which also means to ferment in a vat (like wine). a "cuve" is a vat, so you could maybe gloss it as "vatting". i really like the idea that your bed is like a reverse vat that anti-ferments the alcohol out of you

[elodieunderglass]

I immediately thought of “cuvette,” (diminutive teeny vessel) the specific piece of lab glassware used in a spectrophotometer. They are usually a teeny little rectangular tube (there is no specific useful word for a rectangular tube, hence ‘cuvette’) with flat sides so that wavelengths can pass through without encountering the distortion of rounded glass. You see the idea. The wavelengths pass through the solution and you measure how they go in order to “fingerprint” the liquid.

Spectrophotometers, as you can tell from the name, are a common type of lab equipment that gives you the properties of a solution. You put the solution in the cuvette, stick it in the machine, frown at the readout and go “aha! DNA consists of four separate amino acids, and they are paired with each other in exactly equal amounts!” And “the paint traces found under the victim’s fingernails match the paint in the house!” And “this product contains no traces of vitamins whatsoever!” And “this substance is milk, and it is full of lead!”

As the underpinning technical method for finding out What Stuff is In The Cuvette, it’s also used to measure blood-alcohol levels (BAC) and ensure quality and consistency in alcohol production. It’s one of the only reliable ways to detect a counterfeit wine, distinguish between two seemingly identical whiskies, or identify whether a Champagne did in fact come from France.

I was so excited to learn that you can do that with spectroscopy that have completely forgotten where I was going with this. Get into the cuvette and let me measure you

[loubatas]

As a French person, I have to admit that the first thing I think about when you say "cuvette" is not a specific piece of lab glassware used in a spectrophotometer

You often do spend some intimate time with it when you're full of alcohol though

[elodieunderglass]

I feel like we are rotating around some really poetic thing here. Get into the cuvette and let me measure you

[spit8]

yeah man we can tell

[ajax-n-co-deactivated20241014]

he looks like hes on the verge of sobbing

[wrecxks]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I'll never stop complaining about stolen audio jacks, but wireless noise-cancelling earbuds/headphones are a game changer. (even cheap ones! you can get a surprisingly decent pair for under $40. the tech has improved so much recently.)

The world is LOUD, much louder than it was just a century ago (motorized vehicles, overhead music everywhere). I'm autistic and noise-cancelling tech is what allows me to exist in public spaces. For me it's been life-changing. I honestly think most people would be less anxious/stressed if they were able to turn down the sound around them.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

oh and also they can play music too. which is nice i guess. if you're into that kind of thing

[thebibliosphere]

I evidently fell down a research rabbit hole last night trying to distract myself from the pain radiating through my skull, except now it's the morning, and I have no idea why I was researching different types of concrete, silicone molds, and, according to one tab left open, "hobbit stones."

What.

[thebibliosphere]

Okay, well, turns out I just needed to look at my Milanote, where I apparently wrote myself a note in all caps that says "STEPPING STONES $800 FOR SINGLE PALLET?!? :(((("

And then underneath that is a very disjointed plan for making 'natural' looking stepping stones out of concrete. Followed by an even more disjointed plan to buy a single stepping stone from the local hardware store, so I can use it to make a silicone mold. How was I planning to do this? I'm sure if we keep closing tabs, I'll find out.

[thebibliosphere]

3am-Dellusional-from-Pain-Me, apparently had some lofty goals about recreating this along the side of the house.

Only to have her hopes dashed by the cost of the stepping stones alone. But then, not to be thrown off that ADHD-fixation horse, decided, yeah, we could learn to recreate that with concrete.

Honestly, I don't even think it'd be cheaper in terms of materials and labor, but I admire her enthusiasm and spirit.

[thebibliosphere]

So @thenightgaunt just made a comment in a different thread about looking for a rock and gravel supplier because it would be cheaper, and now I'm back on the ADHD-hyperfixation-horse. Thank you. @thenightgaunt for reminding me those exist.

I just found a place near me, so that's where @mothman-etd will be driving me next weekend 😅

[thebibliosphere]

3am me really had @mothman-etd out there doing all kinds of manual labor 😂

[armandageddon]

who gives a shit if the heated rivalry actors are queer or not. if they're queer then good for them for getting to play queer roles and if they're straight but this cheerfully willing to have hot sweaty gay sex with other men on television for our entertainment then more power to them too. other straight men should take notes. whats the issue here again

[skull-bearer]

[glitterary]

I remember—2006, approximately—watching Queer as Folk with a friend from high school. We were both queer, both closeted except to close friends. We had the door closed and were ready to slam the laptop shut at a second’s notice, because if his parents realised what he was watching, he would get in trouble.

There was a scene where two male characters were kissing passionately, and my friend turned to me almost breathlessly, saying “They’re both straight in real life, isn’t that amazing?”

For all I know, either or both of those actors might have turned out to be queer, but that’s not what mattered. In that moment, to both of us, it meant so much that two straight guys were willing to risk their future careers to give us some representation that was almost non-existent at the time. 

It's because of actors (straight or closeted) taking those risks that we have the much more queer-friendly media landscape we do now. And it's still a risk for actors to disclose their queerness, or take queer roles, if only because shows telling queer stories still get disproportionately cancelled. I don't give a flying fuck whether the actors are queer. What matters is that they’re telling stories that matter to us, and the more people there are who are willing to do that, the better our lives become.