rina literacy🧸

i write fanfics about skz and enhypen. My Masterlist

[rinaliteracy]

REASONS TO HESITATE | JAKE SIM

Pairing: nonidol!jake x afab!reader. Genre: fluff, angst, college!au. Warning: curse words, panic attack. Wc: 23k Summary: Jake has a world and Y/N has other. Jake knew he needed help to develop his essay and when Y/N appeared in the picture, he was ready to change everything for her to trust him. Even if that meant Jake had to grab a full book of almost four hundred pages and bring her iced coffee.

You saw how, who you eventually learned was Jake Sim, sat comfortably on a couch. He had two girls next to him, one clinging to his arm and moving her hand up and down his biceps, while he just ignored her and stared at his phone and sometimes looked up at the other guy in front of him, who had a cigar in his hand. The second girl next to Jake was trying to initiate a conversation, but he straight up ignored her and kept chatting with the cigarette guy, who exhaled smoke moving his head to the side. The group were inside the frat house, and no one seemed to care that someone was smoking inside. Jake moved his arm from the touch of the first girl, and you two made eye contact. He held the contact, you moved your eyes with a small disgusted face away from him.

You were picking Jiwon up from a party, and looking for her turned into you walking inside the smelly frat house, a frat that probably wasn’t legitimate, just a bunch of guys who had adopted the “frat” name to sound cool, but who were you to judge?

The house was the perfect stereotype of every party, loud music, smoking guys and drunk people making out. Seeing it in person for the first time made you realize that men would be as pigs in real life, as they were in books. It gave you chills to think you attended college with most of these guys. And thinking what their majors were, made you want to leave faster.

Everyone deserved to have fun, but you… despised the unsanitary, smelly, wild fun that those people seemed to like.

Your goal there was to get your friend and walk out of there. So when you had Jiwon with you in Wonyoung’s car, you asked about the guy:

“He is Jake. He is like a player, or something.” She laughed, a bit tipsy. “That’s so cringe, but basically he goes, fucks or hooks up, and leaves. I have never crossed a word with him or his friends, but they put the house up for the party, and it’s big, so I just enjoy it.”

The second time you encountered Jake, you were chatting with Heeseung and Sunoo. You were so immersed in the story Sunoo was telling, that when you looked up and saw Jake walking towards you with an innocent smile, you wanted to kick him. Why? No reason, just you held a grudge against his type.

Man, and party people.

In the small span of time you stayed in the conversation, Jake was introduced to you by the only two guys that you considered deserving of your time. Jake was friends with Sunoo, they shared a class the first semester, and he also was Heeseung’s roommate.

Sunoo continued with his story, but everything about Jake irked you. You rolled your eyes when he moved his hair to the side, and bit his lip looking at you. Which was your cue to leave as politely as you could.

You thought that would be the last time you’d see him willingly, but when Jake Sim, out of nowhere, had texted you asking for help with a literature essay.

You ignored him for a day, until Heeseung texted you. Asking for you to “please help Jake because he can’t write shit for his life.” and you accepted. You felt nice, but a bit masochistic, and curious for the guy.

“I really don’t think it’s that deep.” You tried to tell Gaeul, while she just chuckled. “What?”

“Maybe he has a thing for you.” She raised her eyebrows. “He could ask everyone else.”

“I highly doubt it.” You try to cut the conversation short.

“But you said he was cute!” Gaeul linked your arm with hers, and reminded you of the words you stated early that morning when you told her. “Maybe it’s a chance for you to stop hating… man”

“No, I really doubt it.” you chuckled. “And I don’t hate all of them. I am friends with Heeseung and Sunoo”

“Whatever, just I have never seen you say a guy is cute, Y/N” She smiled, she meant no harm but you realized that was true. You were feeling-less towards cute guys, who you have only encountered three times since you came to college. “Maybe it is like the book you gave me the other day.”

You blatantly laughed. But, deeply, you wondered if that could happen. Just, not with Jake, but with someone else, someone your type.

You both walked together to Gaeul’s next class. She gave you a thumbs up before entering her classroom. She had no bad intentions, just really had hope in you… and Jake.

Jake in fact was cute, but you had a picture of those guys he hung out with, and how apparently also was, and you didn’t like that one bit. They were the type of guys people write books about, which you really enjoyed, but you couldn’t stand a man in real life being like that. Probably you were making a prejudice, but you were quite assertive with reading people.

jake: hey jake: we still for today, right?

y/n: yeah, at 4.

At exactly four you arrived at the cafe, a public space. Yes, he was friends with your friends, but you weren’t going to meet with a guy that you had basically spoken to twice in a secluded place.

You looked around the coffee and in a booth at the back Jake was sitting with his laptop popped open and with two cups on the table. You frowned, had he had a date before? He couldn’t even throw the trash before you got there? You sighed and walked towards him.

Men. You were going to try your best to be kind to people that day.

“Hi. I’m Y/N” you tried to sound kind, and you succeeded, kind of, but softening your voice didn’t soften your facial expression or attitude, so you had to be aware of not being too mean. He smiled, unaware of your internal conflicts and stood up from the seat.

“I know” He chuckled and extended his hand. “I’m Jake.”

You looked at it, expressionless and shook it firmly. At least the guy was polite. But you remembered how he was at the party when you saw him, and it almost made you roll your eyes, but you contained it with a strained smile.

“This one’s for you. It’s tea, I don’t know if you like it.” He offered pushing the cup as you sat in front of him.

“Thanks, I do like it.” You said, surprised. You felt a bit bad for judging him, because the Tea was warm and it had your name written on it. He had actually ordered it for you. But well, he had a reputation, you couldn’t be blamed.

“How much do I owe you?” You wondered, sipping the warm tea and feeling it warm your throat and your tummy.

“Nothing. It’s on me.”

“Oh, thank you.” You smiled, actually smiled. He was nice, you had to give him that. “Do you have your essay on your laptop or a physical copy?”

“On my laptop. I’ll send it to you to your uni mail” He looked up, and you noticed he was wearing glasses. You had never seen him with glasses, well, you had only seen him twice, but he did look good in them.

He was typing and a few seconds after you set your laptop up, the link to the document was sent to your email. As you clicked on it, the document loaded and you read through the essay, which was at least four paragraphs, and it had… potential. It was about Wuthering Heights and how romance was portrayed. Too wide, but interesting. It was a curious topic coming from him, so you wondered if he chose it or it was given to him.

The arguments had the possibility of being solid if they were explained right. It really could turn into something great, but he was so confused, he had written the thesis at the beginning of the essay, the arguments were in the first paragraph of what seemed like the introduction and he was adding new ideas to the essay in the supposed conclusion.

“Okay, can you see me on the document?” you typed a small “hi” in the document.

“I can’t.” He squinted his eyes at the screen. “Can I sit next to you?”

You looked at him deadpan and looked back at your laptop. You saw his cursor in the document, that meant he did see yours too. You sighed.

A man is known by the company he keeps, so you read through him and his YA book tactics.

“I see your cursor, Jake.” You didn’t even look at him as you spoke to him. You just started to type the structure he should follow.

“Oh, yeah, you’re here.” His expression fell and looked at his keyboard, typing under your small greeting a “hi!”

“This is for what literature class?” You asked.

“It’s about classics, I guess.” You looked at him, with a straight face again. You were losing your patience. You sipped tea and breathed in and out without drawing attention to how you were feeling. “Sorry, it’s not my strength. I’m more of a physics guy.”

“You do? I wouldn’t have guessed.” You admitted honestly. He looked like a guy that just partied, drank, hooked up and had nothing in his life, you didn’t assign any major to him in your mind, but it made sense. Weirdly. “I don’t mean it in a bad way.” You excused yourself.

“I get it, don’t worry. I usually don’t tell people my major.” He confessed.

“Why?” you asked curious, and a bit wary of him. So he just went around and nobody asked why he was in college? Or he just let people believe he didn’t have any major and was just existing? You kept typing the structure, based on his arguments, while he was confessing something. Were you being mean?

“Don’t know. Judgement maybe?” he confessed and made a face like he was feeling sorry for himself.

You knew that face. You saw it on your tv a few days ago in a movie you watched with Rei.

You again saw through him, or maybe you were too skeptical of people and freaking out a bit, but Jake was… great playing his game. You couldn’t deny it. He was handsome, and easy to crush on. But enough pop culture had made you catch on those things, those small glimpses where guys would try to make someone look special, just that you have never had to experience it on your own. Until now.

You nodded, giving him approval of his feelings if they were honest, so you didn’t seem rude in case you read him wrong, but you changed topic.

“Your essay is not bad, really. It’s all over the place, though.” You started to select the elements he had written and drag them to where they belonged. “It’s just your thesis, shouldn’t be the first thing someone reads. You need the introduction first, your thesis goes after that.” You selected it and moved it to under the section you had given to introduction, placing it after a small blurb Jake wrote of the novel. “The arguments you are going to develop should be after the thesis, okay?”

He nodded, focused on his laptop.

“I’m sorry.” he apologized.

“Don’t be. It’s okay.” You skimmed again through the arguments. “Look, the first argument actually seems to depend on the first one, so the order is wrong. And you need the main argument, which is missing here.”

You watched the document that was now organized, but a lot of the parts were still incomplete. You chose a pink text color and wrote under each paragraph what he needed to write. You did your best, but the essay seemed too wide for the class.

“Okay, that’s all for the introduction for now. You need to focus on adding things so it makes sense, but Jake… I still don’t get your essay. I know it’s about Wuthering Heights but… what is specific about the topic of love?

“How?” he asked, genuinely confused. “It says it's about Heathcliff and Catherine’s love.”

“I know, but what exactly about?” He looked dumbfounded and you chuckled at his expression. His mouth was a bit open and his eyebrows frowned together. “Jake, did you read the book?”

“A summary counts?”

You breathe and try to not judge him outloud, but do people still do that for classes? Especially for essays, and books dense as Wuthering Heights. Again, he was a party guy, you didn’t want to place him in the stereotype though, but gosh was he not helping.

“I started it, I read the first two pages!” He defended himself as he felt your gaze and probably the irritation coming out of you. “But then there was a party, and I had another and-”

You were wrong. You could judge him more if you wanted. You breathe in and remember he is Heeseung’s friend and Sunoo’s too, apparently. You couldn’t flip him off. But if he wanted your help you would have to know how to deal with him.

“Look. Read it, okay? You, your brain, not AI or a cheap summary” He looked at you like you just kicked a puppy, he had his eyes open, his mouth in a straight line and nodded. You felt a tad bit guilty, but you were not going to waste your time. “I have a physical copy, if you need it.” You offered, knowing he’d reject it.

“Yes!” he smiled brightly. “I’lll take care of it so much.”

Shit.

You looked at your phone and it was about to be five and you needed to cross almost half of the campus for a class.

“I have to go now. If you are at seven outside the dorms, the ones next to the donut shop on campus, I can hand it to you.”

“Will be! Thank you!”

Once you almost ran out of the coffee shop, Jake stood there, frozen and rejected. The booth line didn’t work, the small things of sharing about his major didn’t work, which it was true. Most people didn’t even know what he studied, he didn't fit the stereotype of a physics guy, but he didn’t care. He liked his major, and his life. But you didn't, not only his life, but him.

He really needed Sunoo, you were not even a bit flustered, almost as if you expected nothing of him. Sunoo would be nice enough to tell Jake the things as crude as they were, so if you had ever told Sunoo you hated him, Sunoo wouldn't waste Jake’s time with sugarcoatting things.

After a small call, Sunoo told him to fuck off, that he was busy studying. Jake offered to buy him a coffee and in a few minutes he sat in front of him with an iced coffee.

“Why did you talk to her? Do you want to hook up with her?” Sunoo asked. Jake shook his head. “Don’t lie, Jaeyun.”

“Don’t… I mean, she is cute and I wouldn’t be opposed, but I really need help with my essay. She basically said it was garbage but with very kind words. And Heeseung told me it was her expertise, so I just contacted her.”

“Look, I believe you-” Sunoo started. Jake interrupted with a small thank you, and Sunoo glared at him. “Only seventy percent.”

“You don’t trust me-”

“I don’t.” Sunoo confirmed.

“But I really need to get a good grade in this essay, and now I need to read like four hundred pages of a romance novel!” Jake laid back on the booth. “Why did I take that class?”

“I don’t know.” Sunoo chuckled and bit his muffin. “But maybe that book helps you keep your things in your pants and not jump everywhere. And get your shit together, too.”

“Hey!” Jake frowned.

“Now, I really need to continue studying.” Sunoo stood up, ignoring Jake. “Good luck with Y/N. You play with her I kick you and all those warnings people give to the guy that hooks up with their sisters.”

“She’s not your sister.” Jake pointed.

“I won’t turn down an opportunity to threaten you.”

After your class, you walked calmly to your dorm building. Rei let you know that she was already home, and you were so happy the heater would probably be on, she loved to have the room warm, and so did you. That was why you both worked as roommates. That, and that you became friends quickly.

You looked at the time, six and forty-five, you didn’t expect for Jake to actually pick up the book you said you’d lend him, and you didn’t even expect for him to continue asking for help on his essay. So you did take your sweet time. Probably that would have been the last time you’d see Jake Sim in your life, and deep down you hoped so. If he was lazy with his classes, and couldn’t keep his act together, you didn’t want him near.

“Hey!” you greeted as you walked into the dorm. “How was your day?” You took your shoes off and placed them next to Rei’s boots.

“Great, I guess. I had that exam about the cardiac system, and it was hell, but then I ate a donut so I’m happy.” she told you getting comfortable in her bed. She had her covers up to her chin and was scrolling through her phone. “I am so tired, Y/N.”

“You should sleep, I will take a shower. I can make us buldak later if you want.” She nodded and gave attention to her phone again.

After you got dressed in your pajamas, and were boiling the water, your phone rang. You picked it up quickly, nobody called you, especially not the contact that appeared on your screen. Jake.

“Hello?” you asked, confused.

“Hey, sorry it took me some minutes. I'm outside your dorm building.”

You hung up and jumped on top of Rei’s bed, she complained but you shushed her when you looked through the window to the entrance of the dorm. And there Jake was, standing outside.

“Oh my god, why is he here?” She whispered as if he could hear both of you.

“I offered him a book, but I didn’t think he’d actually accept and now I have to give it to him.” You looked quickly in your bookshelf for your version of Wuthering Heights. “Why am I rushing?” You stopped and looked at Rei. She shrugged, still confused about the whole scene. “He was late, so I’ll take my time.”

You took your time wearing your shoes and your coat, and when you walked downstairs, you almost took a second per step. You didn’t want to sweat after you had already showered, not for a boy and not in your cute pajamas. When you opened the door there he was. Holding two coffees in his hands, which you didn’t see from the window. Did he really grab a coffee for a date before picking up the book? Men are so weird.

“Hi, here it is.” you handed him the book. He had his hands occupied, so he extended one coffee to you.

“I brought this for you. I asked Heeseung and he said you liked the iced one.” You stared at it confused. So it wasn’t for a date, it was for you. You grabbed it carefully, shocked, but it was your favorite and you had been craving one the whole day. “Sorry for the delay.”

“I… thanks for the coffee.” You thanked him surprised. It was the second time on the day that Jake bought a beverage for you. “How much do I owe you?”

“It’s a gift, don’t worry.” He grabbed the book from your hand and smiled. “I’ll take care of it, I promise.”

“You better.” You tried not to smile but the coffee was thoughtful.

“Can I text you again when I finish the introduction?” He asked, nervous. You would love to turn him down but after the coffee you couldn’t say no. You nodded slowly. “Great.”

You both stood there in silence for a few seconds, until you broke it, excusing yourself.

“Have a good night, Jake.”

You came back to your dorm and Rei was smiling, you shared a bit of your coffee with her while you ate. And you tried not to think about why the gesture moved you so much. Probably it was just the lack of romance you had had in college, so it wasn’t a big deal. It shouldn’t have been.

The next day you woke up with a voice note from him.

“Hey, I started it, it was confusing the narrator. Because it was this guy and then the lady that took care of Catherine or something, right? Anyway, it’s like three so I should sleep. By the way, I like your annotations, they are very… I will find the word. Have a good night!”

After you heard it, you just answered with a small text.

y/n: yes, narration is complicated, but you get the hold of it as you read.

You thought it was just a thing that he’d do once, but every day you’d receive those voice notes, and every time you’d answer with a sentence. You didn’t have much to say about his thoughts, but he was understanding and analyzing the book in a way you didn’t think he was capable of. In a few days since knowing him, he apparently was proving you wrong.

“I don’t know if he went.” Yujin said, as she just arrived after a party and sat at the end of your bed . “I didn’t see him and he always goes to these frat parties.”

“Not that I care.” You deflected, looking at your phone, scrolling absentmindedly. You had asked if Jake had been there, so Yujin lifted her eyebrow and looked at you with a smirk. “Not like that. I do care but as… one cares for gossip.” You excused yourself.

She laughed and continued eating her burger. Wonyoung walked in and sat at Rei’s bed. Even if it was one in the morning. They had decided they were hungry and wanted to chat with you.

“I think you’d make a cute couple.” Wonyoung said drinking from her soda.

“I feel weary about him. ” You confessed, honest about your feelings for the first time.

“How so?” Wonyoung looked at you, interested, as she always was. She always made you feel seen and you smiled at her.

“I don’t know, he is all, let’s fuck, and I’m all, not that. He has been nice and he is cute, but–“ You pretended to push something in front of you, to make your point clear: “The further a guy is from me, the better.”

Rei chuckled.

“But you don’t want to like him.” Wonyoung finished.

“Exactly. Besides, it's been like a week we have been talking about an essay, not about us as people, so I don’t think it’d lead anywhere.”

“Just… keep that attitude, you know? Keep him at a distance and if you ever want to take a step and he gives you any hint, you do it.” Yujin said. “We support you, and I’ll keep an eye on him when I go to parties.”

“Thank you.” you smiled. “I appreciate it.”

“Of course.” Wonyoung smiled at you, adding: “Besides, you are too beautiful for him. Remember that”

You all laughed.

Jake did know that. He knew you were too pretty for him, or for everyone, but he did try his best to gain your attention. Sunoo warned him that you were weary about people, so Jake had to win you over. Heeseung had been kind enough to give him your number after Jake whined to him that he needed help and Heeseung mentioned your name. Jake was set on making a place for him in your mind. The texts maybe didn’t work, your replies were very dry, sometimes one word, one sentence was the most he could get out of you.

After walking home from another party, he pulled up his phone. Not a soul was on campus, and he was tipsy, just tried to hook up with some random girl but couldn’t get his mind to be in the moment. It didn’t feel right. He ran his hand through his face and sighed as he popped open his phone. He had been battling whether to do it or not, but in the end he gave up.

He searched your name on Instagram, maybe that’d tell him something about you, but it was private. Damn it.

You had thirteen followers, the only two in common were Sunoo and Heeseung. You had no picture and your name was just y/n. You were a thought nut to crack, but Jake didn’t want to seem desperate for you, even if he was starting to feel like it.

Jake had to build everything brick by brick, until you met halfway.

He was tempted to go back and find another girl to hook up and get fully drunk, but he remembered he promised you that he’d reach page two hundred by tomorrow, and he wasn’t going to let you down. Even as you answered plainly: fine. With the period and all.

He had a promise to keep with you.

“Hello.” You said sitting in front of him, on the same booth of the first day you started working on his essay. Now one week later. “How have you been with your essay?”

“Great!” He looked at his laptop looking for a note he had left last night for you to help him with, he grabbed the copy of your book that he had in fact been taking care of, and popped it open on one page.. “Can I ask you for help in two scenes? I don’t know how to interpret it, and internet is not very clear”

“Sure.” You sipped your coffee and he handed you the book with the page open. “Which ones?”

“First this one. In chapter nine.” he pointed out. “Why did Heathcliff run away?”

“I think of two reasons. First, Catherine couldn’t marry him because of his status, right?” You asked and Jake nodded. “And second, she is going to marry Linton, but she just confessed that she loves Heathcliff with all her soul. I think he was overwhelmed by everything, not just for the confession, and ran away.”

“Why didn’t he tell her he loved her back?”

“He does, when she’s dying.” You state. Heatcliff did confess how he felt, just that it was at Catherine’s deathbed. “What was the other?”

“Uhm.” He skimmed through the pages. “Here at chapter twenty-three. Why did Catherine didn’t want to get married to Linton?”

You tilt your head.

“Oh, this isn’t Catherine, this is Cathy, her daughter.” You chuckle. “The first time it confused me too.

Jake stood quiet, looking directly at you, focused. He had never heard you chuckle. He drew a small smile. It was a small win that he was going to take.

“Oh, so Linton is not… is the kid of Heathcliff?” He asked. You nodded.

He paused for a beat, and stared at the pages. Confused. You couldn’t blame him, it made you dizzy the first time you read it too.

“This is very dramatic. Why is this a romance novel?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“Are you really asking or is it just… conversation making?” You wondered, skeptical. He really seemed to have read the book and you didn’t want to give your conclusions to someone that probably would just laugh at you.

“I am genuinely asking.” He assured you.

“I think they made sense. And romance is about that, I think.” You expressed looking out of the window, organizing your thoughts. “Their romance was so ingrained in each other that they couldn’t separate themselves as people, they were the same. Both were the motors that lit the worst and best parts of them, even if the best parts of them were all awful for the reader, they both made sense for each other and for the plot, of course.”

He stayed silent and stared at you for some seconds, blinking and nodding. You frowned and looked down at the table. Shy.

“That was all you had doubts with?” You asked, fidgeting on your tablet. He nodded.

You opened his essay and indeed he had fixed everything you had told him to do. His thesis was neat, and he even had started with the body of the essay and had his arguments laid out, ready to be developed. He had really worked on his thesis, asking you if it was too general, if it was too boring, until he came to one that fit what he wanted: Catherine and Heathcliff’s love defies the common romantic categorization by setting their souls as a mirror of each other.

“How much time do you have left?” You asked.

“One and a half week and I’m free.” He stretched. Showing off his muscles and looking at you. You tapped your finger against the table, impatient for his show to stop. He knew how to play his game, and if you weren’t so guarded of men you would have fallen for it.

“You done?” You said directly and he nodded fast, as if he had been caught. He got back into his normal attitude and pointed at the book.

“Do you like this book? The romance here?” he asked, crossing his hand on the table and drinking from his coffee, looking at you. Paying attention to your answer.

“I think it’s interesting.” You nodded and scanned the arguments. You didn’t look at him back, so you focused on what you had found on the arguments “Here you need to place the statement that they are soulmates after explaining what soulmates are.” He looked at the laptop, following from his screen where you were talking about. “Maybe search for a source that explains it, and you can use the quote of the book to argue that they are soulmates.”

“My word is not enough?” He joked and you shook your head no. “Do you think they were soulmates?”

“I guess?” You shrugged.

“Do you have a soulmate?” he asked out of nowhere. You looked at him trying to decipher if he was serious or just messing with you. You lowered your gaze again to the tablet.

“Do you?” you answered back to his question, not lifting your head from your laptop.

“Can I ask you something that’s not from the essay?” He questions quietly and you hummed. “Why are you so wary around me? Is it because of the-” He got closer and said lower. “Rumors?”

You stared at him again. In disbelief that he was being so straightforward, but also annoyed that you didn’t know how to answer without being too blunt. You laughed at how ridiculous the whole scene seemed.

“Why so many questions, Jake?” You answered back, deflecting.

“You are interesting.” He stated and you scoffed. Oldest trick in the book. “I swear you are.” He assured you, interpreting your scoff as if you didn't believe him.

“I know I am. I don’t believe you believe that.” You talk back.

He stood frozen and you chuckled. You closed your tablet and rubbed your hands together, trying to close the hang out that could have been a simple voice note, but no, Jake insisted on meeting in the café.

“Just develop the body and text me if you need anything.” You say with a tightlip smile and he nods.

“I will.” He looked at you while you were getting up. He smiled. “Thank you.”

You waved your hand once you were almost out of the door, and only then he stopped pretending he hadn’t been fully shocked by how you dodged everything he threw at you.

He knew you were figuring out his game, and it didn’t like him one bit. But you were interesting, and that confidence you had was quite magnetic. But you did not trust him at all, and he couldn’t blame you.

The music inside the house was so loud you could hear it from outside, buzzing and making the walls rumble. You walked in, tired and with a mad Wonyoung trailing behind you. Jiwon had drunk something that someone mixed for her and got sick, and the assholes of friends that had brought her to the party, all left her. So when she called you and Wonyoung crying, you hopped on Wonyoung’s car to pick her up,

“I am going to kill her, she always gets sick and those fuckers, I never liked them one bit.” Wonyoung scanned the house quickly just as you walked through the door. “I’ll go check the bathrooms.” She went upstairs and you walked through the first floor, opened doors, checked the kitchen in hopes to find your friend but nothing. On the same couch where you saw Jake the first time were his friends. One was rich as one can only wish, the tall one you knew was a dance major, and the other that had a quiet look, but you knew, based on the girls he had around him, probably had been with most people at that party. One looked at you and lifted their red cup, saluting you. You glared at them and walked away.

People were in their own world. Some were making out on a couch, some were sat on top of countertops, all with the infamous ugly red cups in their hands. A group was dancing in the middle of the living room, and you had to push a few of them because they were not moving when you asked for permission to pass. Adding to that, and the noise, it smelled awful. Like weed, beer and vomit. All at the same time.

On the patio, on a chair was Jiwon. Staring at the floor with her phone in her hand. You sighed in relief that she wasn’t passed out in some dirty bathroom. You touched her shoulder and grabbed her arm carefully.

“I feel really sick.” she mumbled hugging you by the waist. You stroked her hair and helped her get up. You put her arm around you and started walking with her slowly, so she wouldn’t throw up.

Wonyoung met both of you as you took slow steps inside the house. When you walked past the door that had led to the patio, you sneezed. The smell was really disgusting and the weed seemed to smell stronger than a few minutes before.

“God, I wish I had looked here first, the bathroom was disgusting.” She shivered and helped you carry Jiwon. “The parties are usually not this disgusting.”

You kept helping Jiwon, until you were met face to face with Jake who was laughing loudly, until he saw you. The tall guy that tipped his cup at you had his arm around Jake, still joking, without noticing that Jake had gotten quiet. Jake stood frozen at seeing you there. It was one of the last places he would expect you to be in. You just ignored him, mumbled a small “excuse me” and moved past him. You didn't know why you ignored him, but seeing him in his element felt different, odd.

He saw you walk out with your friends. He now knew those girls were your friends. He had seen them around once or twice but never talked with them. It was a small glimpse into your world. As he saw you walk with your sick friend out of the house he followed you with his eyes as much as he could without drawing any attention.

“That’s the chick, right?” Ni-ki asked Jake, pushing his shoulder for attention. “I saw her, and she looked cuter in person.”

Jake glared at him. Ni-ki raised his hands.

“You know she’s all yours.” The guy mumbled and walked toward the rest of the group.

Jake did know that. And part of him was wondering if he was doing the right thing by still asking for your help and taking your time. He sighed and grabbed the first cup he saw on a table, chugging all the liquid without knowing what it was in hopes of getting drunk.

It was water. He groaned and crumbled the cup.

After the drive, Wonyoung helped Jiwon into bed. Bringing her through the stairs was easier than you thought, Jiwon was intoxicated but very helpful and committed to get to her bed.

“Put on your pajamas and sleep.” Jiwon fell on her bed and Wonyoung looked at you, exhausted. “Thank you so much. I owe you one.”

“Good night, girls.” You closed their dorm door, leaving Wonyoung to deal with her. You walked back into your room carefully trying not to wake Rei up. You put your pajamas back and grabbed your phone. It had three new texts from Jake.

jake: you didnt even say hi jake: i wouldve liked for you to say hi.

y/n: ???

jake: why cant we be friends?

y/n: just work on your essay

You chuckled at the sad emoji he sent you. You decided to add a small text to cut the conversation.

y/n: dont drink too much, gn

jake: good night <3 jake: that was you caring for me right? jake: im going to assume it was!

You really tried to keep your walls up for everyone. For the girls it was hard to put them down, but they broke them slowly, and they were your sisters. Sunoo was basically a partner in crime, and Heeseung was like a brother, and that was where your circle ended. Not many people, but you enjoyed their company.

So when Jake appeared you didn’t want to let your guards down. You didn’t do hook ups, half-assed stuff in romance. You knew Jake’s intentions, not in words but you could assume and read through him, which had become a game where he did something and you quickly realized if he was being honest or not. You tried your best to not let him in, but gosh was it hard to do so, especially when he was outside of your class with a coffee.

“What are you doing here?” You said walking quickly to him.

“I’m bringing you coffee.” He raised the cup and handed it to you

“Thanks.” You grabbed it. It was cold, and the ice hadn’t melted yet. He must have bought it a few minutes ago.

You looked at him confused. Really, why was he waiting for you? Especially looking handsome. You surprised yourself at the thought, you weren’t blind but he did seem more handsome than before. He had a puffer jacket that made him seem so stylish you were jealous, and some jeans. He looked effortlessly cool and was annoyingly good looking.

“I can Venmo you.” You said.

“Really, it’s a gift. Take it as a thank you for annoying you with my essay.”

He had informed you that the deadline had been extended for two more days, so he had gained fourteen days to develop his essay. He sounded so happy when he told you, and he did seem committed with his work. Which every time he texted you about the book or the essay, surprised you.

“Did you see the meme I sent you last night?” He asked.

“I haven’t checked my phone since last night.” You excused yourself. Which was true.

“Check it later!” He spoke, excited. “It reminded me of you.”

You looked at him quietly, analyzing him, and why he suddenly decided to show up.

“I will.” You promised.

As you finished your day and finally showered and relaxed, you laid in your bed. Opened Jake’s messages and there it was, a link to instagram. You clicked it and it was a short reel. It showed a hamster mad, then started chuckling and got mad again. You laughed and read the text he had sent you after.

jake: its like you!!!

You laughed now. When you opened the link again, the option to follow Jake appeared. What was there to lose? You clicked follow, and realised he did not have many followers, only heeseung and sunoo were in common, and he had a black and white picture of a dog.

In a few minutes he requested to follow you back, and sent you a direct message.

jakesims: you stalking me?

y/n_: it just appeared as suggested, dont flatter yourself.

jakesims: its a win for me, you are curious about me.

y/n_: i care more about the dog in your pfp.

jakesims: its mine!! its back at home, shes so pretty right?

y/n_: shes a cutie

jakesims: just like her owner?

You left him on seen. He’d understand the message. Even though the dog was pretty, you couldn’t admit the owner was pretty too, not to his face.

The days bundled together every time he’d text and you’d answer. Nothing new or out of the ordinary, questions he’d send or memes he suddenly started to share with you. You did not know how to react to the new conversations he was starting to develop, or trying to.

You'd react with a heart to them, some very funny and others straight up dad-humor, that still made you chuckle. He’d sometimes appear out of your classroom saying he was just passing by.

“The physics building is all across campus.” You pointed out staring out to the floor, careful not to fall through the stairs. “Then why are you walking me the opposite way?”

“Can’t a guy do something nice?” He asked with a humorous tone. Licked his lip and smiled at you. You did your typical dead-pan face to his antics and he chuckled. “I just want to walk with you.”

You kept quiet. It had been three weeks since you started to work on his essay, and he had just a day left to turn it in, which made you realize time flew by.

You were still wary of Jake and he was still using his antics that seemed to come straight out of a cringe book, you had no idea why he still insisted but watching his face when he realized you caught him playing his game, never got old.

“You don’t need to stand too far, you will get wet.” he said, moving the umbrella to cover you more, as you had tried to be as separated from him as much as possible.

“Don’t.” You moved his arm to the middle of both of you, so the umbrella covered you both. “You will get wet.”

“So will you!” He argued.

“But it’s your umbrella.”

“And I want to share it with you.” He explained, speaking louder through the noisy rain, and in one swift movement he changed his umbrella to his left hand, grabbed your waist and pulled you close to him, making sure both of you were under the umbrella. He kept his hand there and continued walking.

“What the fuck?” You looked at him confused. He was closer now, so you had to move your face back.

“We are not getting married, I’m just getting sure you don’t get wet.”

“Has this worked before?” You scoffed and crossed your arms. His laughter echoed, mixing with the rain.

“You always seem so set on rejecting me.” he said looking down at you, with a small smile. “Do I disgust you?”

“If I say yes will you let me go?” You looked to the front and pretended you didn’t feel his eyes on you. “You’re nice but I know people like you Jake, besides the chances of us talking after you finish your essay are probably zero.”

“They are not, we actually get along very well. You say the memes I send are funny.” He smiled, and you chuckled. “See I make you laugh. Isn’t that enough?”

“No. You need more to form a bond with someone” you explained. Jake moved both of you to the side so you avoided stepping onto a small pond that had formed. You realized his touch on your waist made you feel giddy. You tried not to show it, but it was the first time you felt like that. “Have you never been with someone?”

“Actually, no.” he said nonchalantly. You chuckled, you expected his answer. He was the textbook definition of a cliché frat boy, just he wasn’t at any frat or played any sports. “Have you?”

“Haven’t found a guy worth my time.” You answered.

That answer was almost part of you, you hadn't found someone in… ever. Which at the beginning of your teenage years bothered you. Everyone seemed to be having boyfriends and loving people, but once you got to college and realized how many layers life had, you were proud you were selective with people. Your circle was small, your family, friends and that’s where it ended. It just happened that no guy had been in your circle ever, you hadn’t had a boyfriend.

“I can tell you’re not fond of people, Y/N.” he assured. He let a small silence settle before speaking again.“But really? You are pretty and fun-”

“Cut it.” you said with a small laugh and pushed him softly. Since you had started to get a bit more comfortable you’d straight up laugh at his antics, which at first confused him, but after a few tries, he just did it to hear your laugh. “I thought you’d been with someone.”

“Nah, I don’t do relationships.” he admitted. You looked up to him and his features suddenly turned sharp, his expression closed off. “Not for me.”

“Or you haven’t found someone that you liked enough.” You suggested, and then walked the rest of the way to your dorms, in silence.

Jake Sim was confusing you, and you didn't like that one bit.

“The fuck?” Heeseung said, curious at why Jake had been smiling at his phone for the past fifteen minutes. “Why are you so happy? It’s like ten, are you going to get laid tonight?”

“No, you idiot.” Jake got defensive when he heard that. He hadn’t done anything in the past month, since he met you. It felt wrong, he had a goal on his mind. “It’s nothing.”

“You were literally smiling at your phone” Hesseung moved closer to Jake’s bed, and stood over him. “Tell me.”

“I was talking to Y/N.” Jake blurted hoping Heeseung would drop it, while looking at his phone again, checking if you texted back to the meme he just sent you.

“Oh, that makes it better?” Heeseung joked as he walked back to his bed. “She’s like my sister, so just keep it in your pants, Sim.”

“How did you get closer to her? Why did you never tell me about her?” Jake wondered, popping on his elbow.

“Why would I have?” Heeseung arched an eyebrow. “She’d literally eat you alive with that attitude of yours. She barely tolerates me” Jake chuckled. Heeseung was right. “I mean it, Jaeyun. Be careful with her.”

You didn’t know how late it had gotten. You had two tests where you had to study as much as you could, and you didn’t want to bother Rei, as she had gotten sick and wanted to watch TV, so you chose the study room. The library was far and you were feeling lazy to walk, and would have been too crowded when you started studying, at six pm, so you settled for the small study rooms near your dorms.

You had your laptop and your headphones on, and you were typing like your life depended on it. Your summary was coming together, and you hoped you were understanding everything the author had explained in his long essay about what literature was. Which was confusing because you had already been through the process of understanding what literature was with three authors before, you were trying your best not to mess up and confuse them.

You dropped your head back and moved your neck. Your whole back hurt. You grabbed your phone just as it lit up with a notification.

jake: hey, you there? jake: i am near your dorms

You looked confused. You actually thought after finishing and handing in his essay he would stop speaking to you. But maybe he was letting you down slowly? You looked around the study room, it had emptied when the sun left, as you were buried in your summaries, you didn't realize.

y/n: i’m studying at the study rooms y/n: the building next to my dorm

If he had wanted to go, he would make an appearance. You got back to writing on your laptop, and a few minutes later he did appear. The fact that it was ten at night and he walked in with a flashing a smile, his hair a bit disheveled and his usual stylish clothes, just that now he had a big jacket. He looked handsome enough that it made you angry. Not at him, but at yourself for even caring about it.

“Hello.” He said slower than usual and grabbed the chair in front of you and sat down.

Careful not to move any of your things. You gave him a small smile and continued with the idea you had on your head. You started typing and a smell started to get under your skin.

You looked around, but you were the only one in the study room, outside it was just empty and the smell appeared when Jake got in. You looked up at him and his eyes were bloodshot red, he was high.

It smelled like alcohol, cigars and weed all mixed at the same time. And made your stomach sink. You didn't know why you cared or why it made you feel disappointed in him, but out of nowhere you wanted to cry, not only because the smell was uncomfortable and didn't let you study but because you never saw Jake high. Which was fine, but… what else did you expect of him?

“I was about to go.” You started saving your stuff in your bag. “Let's go.” You said, not wanting to be rude and leaving him there alone when he asked where you were. He walked with you, and you tried to be polite and not breathe in the smell he radiated so you just stayed silent. You walked fast to the dorm and just waved him goodbye.

Once you got into the room, you sat on your bed. Rei was there and she looked at you worried.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Jake came up to me, he smelt awful and he was high.” You said. “Am I too stuck up for not liking that?” You looked at her worried. “I do think he is cute, but… I don’t like that.”

Rei shook her head and came and sat next to you.

“Maybe that’s why I have never been with someone, you know? I’m maybe too prude, but… why did it bother me so much?” You explained, confused. Rei grabbed your hands from your lap.

“Look, you are different. You know what you like in someone and what you don’t. It’s okay, and some people don’t meet what you like, and that’s fine.”

“I–” you started and Rei cut you off.

“You’re spiraling inside here.” She touched your temple and you chuckled. “You are amazing, smart and someone perfect will come and you will probably accept them, someone for you.” She comforted you and put a piece of hair that had fallen from your ponytail behind your ear. “Can this be because you like Jake, Y/N?”

You sat, looked at the floor and exhaled.

“If I say It’s possible I have a tiny crush on him, is it bad?” You looked at her scared, not for her reaction but because of what that might mean for you, she chuckled and shook her head with a small smile. “Then maybe I do, a bit.” She stroke your hair. You didn't like the feeling of having a crush.

After you both were in your own beds, ready to sleep, your phone vibrated with a text from Jake.

jake: i smelt like weed you didnt tell me

y/n: i didnt want to be rude y/n: but you did look high

jake: sorry jake: and sorry for the smell

y/n: doesnt matter

One month later, Jake had been a looming presence in your life. When he received the grade for his essay, he insisted on celebrating with coffee. You weren’t going to say no to free coffee, so you accepted and he took you to a different coffee shop to the one on campus.

“You deserve a thank you coffee and a cookie. I came here once and they were delicious.” Jake said while you both were waiting in line.

Every hang out after chatting with Rei about your feelings started to seem different. So eventually after that invitation for coffee it turned into him being everywhere.

How can you develop a crush on someone in just one month? You felt ridiculous, but you started to analyze more how he interacted with you. You’d receive random memes, and at one point you started to send some back. Did he do that to make people fall for him? Sometimes he waited for you outside your classes, he’d usually have a coffee and when he didn’t, he’d apologize saying he got you a candy, but whatever he brought, he always walked you to your next class. Had he done that for others? He’d walk you back to your dorm when you stayed until dark in the library studying, he even joined you some days. Was it part of a plan?

You were being paranoic over liking him. You had to accept that the probability of him being caring with you didn't mean he wasn't partying like an animal, hooking up and having girls in his lap or drinking until getting wasted. Maybe he was a very caring friend, but liking him, and having your head trying to find a ‘but’ to every action he did was starting to be exhausting. Almost as if you were waiting for him to mess up.

If anything happened to the girls you were the designated driver. Just the day that Wonyoung took her car to visit her family, Gaeul asked you to pick her up. No Uber took her, so you had to ask Heeseung to borrow his car. He agreed and went with you, and on your way to the party the information that Jake apparently also was there, came up.

Your mood soured instantly, and Heeseung noticed.

“What’s with the face?” He inquired with an eyebrow raised as he left the parking lot of your dorms. He had a faint, teasing smile on his face.

“What face?” You asked defensively. Trying to relax your face and make any sign that showed how Jake made you feel, disappear.

“The ‘I like Jake but he sometimes is an asshole’ face.” Heeseung laughed when you looked at him angry and pointed a finger at him. “I won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

“I don’t like him, it's just… a crush.” You admit, trying not to make it too obvious or get your cheeks flushed.

You had known Heeseung for years, and you trusted him. You knew he wouldn’t go and tell Jake, or you hoped so. You had never shared anything like that with him. What if he was a sleep talker and accidentally revealed your secret to Jake when he was sleeping? What if it slipped out in front of Jake? You had to trust a man, but well.. It was Heeseung. He was like a brother to you, trustworthy.

“Everyone starts from somewhere.” He said joking as he parked near the infamous frat house that probably had a party everyday. It was indeed big, did someone clean it? Was it always smelly? Your friends liked it, and well… you were just there to pick them up. “I fucking hates those guys.” Heeseung spat with a disgusted face.

“The frat ones?” You asked unbuckling your seatbelt.

“The frat ones.” He confirmed.

As always, it stunk but that time was fuller than any party you had picked the girls up from. Walking around meant pushing people as you tried to make your way through the layout of the house. Getting to the kitchen was a waste of time, you saw it was full even from the outside. When you said ‘excuse me’ no one listened, not because of the music, but because everyone was talking so loudly that led to everyone screaming.

You were in the middle of what you remembered to be the living room, looking around when you stood on your toes to look better for Gaeul. Heeseung was on the other side of the living room, closer to the door and he signaled for you to look behind. You turned around, and Gaeul waved and lifted her hand for you to see her. She started opening her way though the people to get to your side. It looked like a pit for a concert. How many people fit in that house? It was big, but big enough to hold that many sweaty humans?

“Yo!” A tall blonde guy on top of a table screamed so loud that everyone shut up and looked at him. You did the same, because his scream was so loud that it cut through all the noise. “We have an announcement to make.”

You recognized him as one of Jake’s friends. One of the frat guys, one of the owners of the smelly big house. He was the one that tipped his red cup to you, saluting you when you picked up Jiwon. He had sharp features on his face and a towering attitude. Someone grabbed your hand, you looked and Gaeul cling to your arm. You smiled at her and started to make your way back to the door while the blonde guy still screamed.

“Our friend Jakey, is a pussy!” He screamed pointing to the side, as everyone booed loudly. You and Gaeul stopped and saw that who was being pointed, was actually the Jake you knew.

Jake Sim had his face red, featured hardened, fists at his side and he was breathing too fast, as you saw his chest move, which made him seem intimidating and at the verge of hitting the tall blonde guy who was blatantly laughing at his face.

Heeseung was one couple of steps behind Jake, so when he saw his friend was the end of the joke, he tapped his shoulder. Jake turned around and went pale when he saw Heeseung next to him, he asked something and Heeseung pointed at you with Gaeul, who now was the one opening the way for you to leave the house by pushing people.

“Our Jakey rejected the bet” He said in a mocking whiny voice. “Because he started to fall for the girl he bet on.” The guy screamed as Gaeul and you reached the door.

You stopped and looked at Jake, confused about what he was being accused of. Had he bet on someone? Jake looked at you apologetic, with worry in his eyes and his face still pale. You frowned at him, not processing what was happening. Gaeul held your hand tight as she tried to pull you out of the house, and Heeseung grabbed your arm, leaving Jake behind, with a disappointed face.

The tall blonde guy on the table realized what was happening and spoke again with a grin on his face:

“Oh, we wish the best for you two!” He started clapping sarcastically. “I hope Y/N knows how much of a stupid asshole Jake is for betting and not completing what he bet for.”

Your legs felt weak. You were the bet.

Gaeul pulled you out of the house quickly, and Heeseung followed, still holding your arm. The noise from the party and laughs faded. You heard your name being called behind you but you just followed Gaeul’s lead. You were so confused and out of your body that you didn’t process what had happened until you were sat at the front in Heeseung's car again. Where less than twenty minutes ago you told him you liked Jake.

The words of the blonde guy echoed in your mind, but you didn’t find a sense of them. How was someone so careless? You heard Gaeul curse with words you had never heard her say and Heeseung had his arms holding the wheel tightly, with a disappointed expression. That’s when you finally knew what had happened.

You had been a fucking bet for Jake Sim.

What could Jake have bet on you for? A hundred? A thousand? What was the bet? To get you to kiss him? To get a good grade with your help? For you to hook up with him? Or worse, that you didn’t want to imagine. Those guys looked like they would be capable of that.

You didn’t cry. Heeseung left you and Gaeul in the dorm, told you if you needed anything to call him, and you walked in. Gaeul holding your hand still, as you were shocked.

You opened the door to your room where Rei and Yujin were playing cards on Rei’s bed. When Gaeul closed the door behind her, you cried. Not dramatic, not throwing yourself to the ground, but with hurt and a swirl that you felt growing on your chest. You sat on your bed and the girls stood up quickly as they saw your breathing getting quicker and ragged. You didn’t feel your legs, or any part of your body, and the walls of the dorm were falling onto you.

You noticed how Yujin sat next to you, grabbing your hands and intertwining them with hers so you didn't dig your nails on your palm. Rei started to breathe louder so you’d mimic her. You were in the middle of a fucking panic attack because a guy you liked had bet on you.

How weird.

It had been a while since you had a panic attack. They happened when you were too sad to talk, and you hated them. The first time, Yujin helped you, but you were always embarrassed when they happened. The girls never made a big deal out of it and made you feel safe, but they always made you feel weak, physically and mentally.

Minutes later, you calmed down and someone knocked on the door. You froze. The girls noticed and frowned.

“If it’s Jake please tell him I’m not here, okay?” You whispered urgently trying to mumble as clear as you could. Rei nodded, stood up and opened the door. Gaeul handed you a glass of water and you drank it sip by sip.

“It’s me” The voice of Heeseung came to your ears. Rei moved to the side and Heeseung walked in and sat on Rei’s bed. He placed the paper bags he had with him on the floor. “I got all of us takeout.” “What the fuck happened, Heeseung?” Yujin asked, getting impatient. She wasn’t going to ask you for an explanation in the state you were in, but seeing that Heeseung was there with a worried expression made her impatient. If you were in distress for any reason and Heeseung knew what that was, Yujin wanted answers.

“Jake fucked up.” He said.

“As in, how?” Rei chimed in.

“He made a bet on Y/N” Heeseung looked through the room, not wanting to see the angry faces in the girls.

Everyone got quiet. No noise was made for a few seconds and Yujin dropped your hands gently on your lap.

“The fuck you mean he bet on her?” Yujin stood up angry. She grabbed her phone and started texting. “What happened? Did he explain it to you?”

“I actually don’t care if he explains.” Heeseung said standing up. “I don’t know how he is, but he was at the dorm when I got back from getting take out. I walked in and well, you know I don’t fight but I threw him a glass of water.” He shrugged.

When Heeseung barged into the room later that night, he totally ignored Jake, who was still curled against his bed as he first saw him when he threw the water at him. Jake didn’t like to lay in bed on the clothes he used in the day, but after he saw the hurt and shock in your face, failed Heeseung and fought with the guys who thought were his friends, he didn’t care about anything. Jake wanted to hide, but he didn’t have any right to do so, he didn't have any right to feel sad. He was an asshole.

Heeseung grabbed his shoulder, and turned Jake around to see his face. Jake was crying, his eyes red and his face puffy.

“Are you fucking crying?” Heeseung spat.

“Fuck off.” Jake tried to cover his face and turn around. Heeseung moved Jake back. Jake was not even trying to fight it, he felt weak, mean, stupid and a bad person. He let himself be moved by Heeseung.

“Why the fuck did you do it?” Heeseung asked. Dropping his hand from Jake’s shoulder now that Jake was looking at him. Jake didn't even answer. He had no answer, but he sat straight on his bed, cleaning his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Jake, fucking answer. You have no right to shut up now.”

“I don’t know, okay?” Jake said in a small voice, exasperated with the situation and himself. “I have no answer.”

Heeseung groaned but sat on Jake’s bed, with his jaw tense, he looked at Jake and saw how disarmed he looked. Jake had never shown a sad state since he met him, and seeing him like that tugged a string in Heeseung’s heart. He was his friend too, but you were like his sister. Heeseung felt sad for both of you, but couldn’t find sympathy for Jake.

“I am fucking mad at you.” Heeseung explained and sighed, shaking his head, still with his jaw tense . “But I believe that you don’t know why you did it. And I know you are not like that. But I am mad.” Heeseung said, grabbed a few of his things, threw them in a bag and left the room.

Jake was alone, again. He had broken the trust you had built together. The bond you were developing, he tore it apart from the root and hurt you, he was just finding his way into your heart when he had to go and fuck it up. He remembered that stupid bet, he wanted to tell you, but the right time never came, and when he noticed you seeking him back, he didn’t want to break anything he enjoyed building.

Jake was now known by the company he kept. But he could change it. He’d try to change it.

He unlocked his phone. Told those frat guys to fuck off, and blocked each one of them as he left the stupid chat group. He was disappointed in himself. He saw Sunoo had texted him, probably cursing him, so he opened the texts and read.

sunoo: you couldn’t keep your shit together sunoo: i wont waste my time in kicking you sunoo: bet you want to kick yourself sunoo: drink water and take care sunoo: but not too much care, im mad

He didn’t answer. Jake stared at your chat, which he had embarrassingly decided to pin on top so he’d be able to text you faster, but at times like those a text wouldn't work. You’d reject him. While he knew you wanted nothing to do with him, the fact that he could see your profile picture –you in front of a bridge, that you told him appeared in your favorite book– meant you hadn’t blocked him. Jake’d do everything in his power to be of your trust again.

jake: im sorry and i really hope i can fix this jake: ill try as long as you let me.

He knew he wouldn’t get an answer, but he wanted you to know. He felt dirty and shed some tears, but he had a goal. Get you back and start to build again whatever that you two were building.

The next day you didn’t go to class. You woke up with your alarm, but stayed in bed. Rei got ready while still offering to stay with you, but you insisted on her to go. Then Wonyoung came and stayed with you until her class at ten started, and you were left by yourself for the first time since you last saw Jake.

You didn’t have your heart fully broken, you were taking it very maturely, but you felt played and disappointed in yourself. Thank god you hadn’t started a relationship with him, or shared an important first with him, but you knew you liked him. Which is something that hadn’t happened… ever. At least you had found out that you indeed had the capacity to like someone and you weren’t a loveless human, but why did that someone have to be Sim Jake? Why couldn’t it be someone that wasn’t betting on you?

But you knew you wouldn’t have fallen for someone else, Jake had that ability, you knew it, you tried to resist it, but he was starting to gain a space in your brain. You did wish parts of it were real, a person could only act so much and not feel something, right?

You looked at your phone when it started to vibrate on your nightstand. You picked it and three texts from Heeseung were on your lockscreen. You opened them, ignoring the message of Jake you had only read through the notifications.

heeseung: are you at your dorm?

He appeared a few minutes later with two cans of juice and a bag of candy. He sat on your desk, while you were still in bed. You both ate the candy bag in silence. He wasn’t going to speak until you decided you were comfortable.

“Did he tell you anything?” You asked, sipping from your can. He shook his head no.

“I was shocked, I thought that happened just in movies.” He said, grabbing some candies and putting them in his mouth. “I told Sunoo and I think I haven’t ever seen him that mad”

You chuckled at that.

“I know, we were texting a while ago.” You grabbed your can and gave it a sip. “Do you think he could have liked me? Like, if he could have developed feelings for me, eventually?

Heeseung debated on whether to answer. He knew the answer.

“Look, it’s different for Jake. You know how he is–” He tried to explain looking at you with a frustrated expression but sighed, defeated. “He liked you.”

You looked at him, and somewhat hopeful for something that had just been broken.

“He never told me, but the basics where that he hadn’t been going to parties or coming back drunk, the other thing is that you were all he talked about, and he started reading that book–”

“He still has my copy of Wuthering Heights.” You let your face fall on your hands.

Heeseung chuckled.

“I can get it, but the point is that Jake did like you. I don’t know if he knew it, but I know and probably everyone around him did.” Heeseung grabbed more candy and ate them, extended the bag to you, and you took it from his hands. With his mouth full he confessed: “I never liked those frat guys.”

You laughed, and after Heeseung swallowed all the candy he had a weak smile.

“I really wish things had been different for you two.”

“Me too.” you said nodding and resting your back against the wall. You stretched your legs and cracked your neck, that was hurting. Your whole body was hurting from the tension you felt and for how you slept hugging yourself. “I’ll be fine… but I really liked him.”

“I know.” Heeseung sat next to you. “But you will get through this. Just-” He looked around, trying to find his words. “Does he have a chance to explain?” He asked, looking at you curious.

“I’d love to say no, but I’m too curious to do so.” You chuckled. You looked at Heeseung, knowing he could be your bridge to Jake. “If he asks and brings the topic to you, say yes. But if he doesn't say anything, just don’t tell him. Just if it comes up from his own mouth.”

You made Heeseung promise to not bring the topic to Jake, unless Jake did first. And he did keep that promise, he was so happy when Jake talked with him. After Heeseung cursed at him and Jake took all of it, he asked if he had a chance to explain. Heeseung tried not to smile, so he just told Jake that you’d listen to him.

Forty-eight hours later you were walking back to your dorm. It was late and your mind felt heavy, like your lectures had been, with too much information to type and a long essay you had finished at the library until nine pm, had you missing the warmth of your dorm. You also missed the figure that would usually walk you back to your dorm, but you had to suck it up and just go on.

You had your headphones on, just as you lifted your view you saw a figure sitting on the curb, right in front of your dorm building. You recognized him from far away, his jacket gave him away, you really liked it when he wore that jacket, and his hair was a mess even from far away. You could only see his profile, and he was hanging his head low, staring at the floor, hugging his knees, which made him look comical. He lifted his gaze and saw you.

He stood up and walked up to you, quickly.

“Y/N” He said. He looked pale, had a small stubble on his chin, had dark circles under his eyes and his eyes were red, you hoped it was because he had been crying and not because he was high. You had never seen him that mess up.

You stopped. You had imagined how it’d work, ever since you found out, you had prepared different scenarios in your mind how it’d be the next time you’d see him. Him showing up like that, catching you off guard, hadn’t been one. You were not at a loss of words, but you didn’t expect to not feel angry towards him, you just felt… sadness, and deceived. But one look at him, and you still liked him.

“Your eyes are red.” You pointed out. He nodded automatically. “Are you high or were you crying?”

“I was crying.” He confessed quickly.

“Good.” You said and realized your words. “Not that you were crying, but that you weren’t getting high.” He chuckled and smiled at you. He didn’t stop staring at you with soft eyes, you moved your gaze to the floor. Shy.

The whole interaction was the most intimate one you had ever had, probably the only one where you got visibly shy in front of him. You assumed it was because he was being vulnerable for the first time, without the weight of the lie lurking, you assumed it felt comfortable for him, hence it felt comfortable for you. Maybe that would change how he expressed with you. For better or worse.

“I like you.” He blurted.

You looked up, confused and frozen. In every scenario he definitely didn't confess to you. Everything went still around you and you blinked slowly while feeling the weight of Jake’s words carve in your brain. He liked you.

“And I am so sorry.” He added. You tilted your head and furrowed your brows, confused. “Not for liking you!” He shook his hands, trying to express himself. “For everything.”

“I can tell.” You admitted looking at him from head to toe without hiding the looks you were giving him. “You do look like someone who’s sorry.”

You kept quiet, he just looked to the ground. You looking up at him made you feel confused, you felt played, but still had that small spark for him. And the worst? Is that you did see he was sorry.

“I am an asshole and I don’t deserve to be talking to you.” You nodded along his words, because you agreed but also because you wanted him to continue talking, showing him that you were listening. “I didn't accept the money. I don’t want those people in my life if it means I don’t have you on it.”

You did understand him but you couldn’t just forgive him yet. You did hold a grudge on him, yet you couldn’t accept his apology yet.

“Tell me you believe me.” He pleaded. “What can I do for you to give me a chance?”

“I believe you, Jake, but I don’t trust you.” You said with a strained throat, and you felt your eyes water. You looked up and he was in the same state, just that he let the tears drop down his cheek. “What do you want a chance for?

“To earn your trust and show you that I like you a lot.” He confessed, sternly, not even caring to wipe his tears. “I really haven’t felt this before, and I’ll do everything even if it takes me years. I want you to look at me and trust me.”

You just sighed. Those were a lot of words. A confession, that you didn’t know if you were ready to reciprocate to him, you didn’t want to give him hope, yet you did want him to try for you.

“I’ll make up for everything.” He said looking at your eyes, still with tears.

You opened your backpack and took a small pack of tissues from it. Handed it to him, and he wiped his tears with a chuckle. You cared about him, still.

“How?”

“I’ll surprise you.” He nodded, as if he was accepting a challenge. “I won’t let us down like I did.”

“I don’t want you to have any hopes up.” You explained. Not only for him, but for yourself too.

“That’s fine. I have high hopes for us. I can save them until you have them too.” He added chuckling sadly: “That’s dramatic, right?” You nodded with a small chuckle.

You didn’t believe in second chances, but when at night you received a good night text from Jake, you really questioned if you had to change that belief, maybe you could keep being the person that believed people don't deserve them and change. And for the first time you wanted to believe you could change that belief, that maybe Jake would make you change it.

“Rei.” you murmured and she made a sound. “Is it okay what I’m doing?”

“If it makes you happy, it’s fine. If it makes you anxious, you drop it.” She said directly to the room lit only by the tv. “If you feel you are in a cycle you can’t break, you tell us and we get you out of it, okay?”.

“I’m awake too, and I stand by that.” Wonyoung moved next to you, hogging the blankets from you. She curled against them and turned around .

“Me too” Joined Gaeul’s sleepy voice from the other side of the room.” Rei, move, you left me without blankets.”

“This is my bed, you move.” The girls bickered and you smiled.

If you tried to change, you had support, if you didn't, you would still have the support of the girls. Now it was all in Jake’s hands to see how it developed. Step by step, maybe things would work, or maybe they wouldn’t. Who knew? And you had to learn that whatever happened, you’d be fine with it.

The teacher had been explaining the same concept three times, or well, trying to. Your focus had not been the best, it was the end of the semester, and the fact that you still had the image of Jake smiling still in your mind didn’t help the case. You looked around the classroom and everyone seemed to focus on their own stuff, some looking at the teacher and then writing and some others just scribbling, playing games or dissociating in the middle of class. You couldn’t blame any of them, because you were doing the same. Just that you tried to mask it by looking at your laptop and writing what you remember of what the teacher was saying.

You checked your phone when it vibrated on the table, and some messages of Rei showing you that she found the earring she had lost was found under her bed. You typed a smile and ‘i told you’ just as the teacher dismissed all of you. You wrapped your scarf around your neck and started walking towards the exit of the classroom. And there, outside was Jake. You stopped when you saw him and he smiled, waved to you and walked closer slowly.

He looked way better than he did yesterday. More put together.

“You don’t look so bad.” You said putting your backpack on your back.

“Are you saying I look good?” He smirked. You put your typical deadpan face, you both were back to square one.

“I say you don’t look like a zombie.”

“Brought you your iced coffee.” He gave you the iced latte you were craving since you woke up, and you were waiting for the class to end and buy one. Even if it was cold, you loved it. You gave him a small smile, almost imperceptible, but it did warm your heart.

“Is this you winning me over?” you asked, sipping the iced coffee.

“Part of it. I won’t win you over just with iced coffee.” he said, gesturing for you to start walking. “I’ll walk you.”

You started walking anyway. You looked at the floor not wanting to turn around and see if he was actually walking with you, but he wasted no time in getting by your side.

The whole way was silent, you looked straight ahead. You felt his gaze on your face, but he made no effort to make conversation, he was following your lead. Even if you had done the same walk before, it felt different because the silence was actually making you miss how he talked before in those small moments you had with him. But he had it coming, he was now playing by your rules, and you weren’t going to break and talk, pretend that nothing had happened.

You knew you had to be strong and not melt for a simple iced coffee that you could've bought yourself. You were stronger than that, not that you’d make him grovel, but it would be nice to really feel wanted.

Your footsteps and people’s chatters were your sound of ambience. You looked at him, and he was looking at you. He gave you a small smile, and he looked better than the day before. Less regretful, if that’s possible. He looked more honest.

“This is my class.” You said as you stood outside the big building.

He nodded and placed his hands inside his pockets.

“Have a good class, Y/N.” he smiled. “Drink your coffee before it waters down, okay?”

That was what he did every day for a week, he’d text you good morning and good night texts, walk you down everywhere, all in complete silence. The ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ were mostly all your conversations, and you were starting to miss Jake’s voice and topics of conversations. You sighed, and asked him straightforwardly when he was waiting for you outside your dorm.

“Are you following like a guide? You just walk and don’t talk.” You walked closer to him.

“Do you want me to talk?” He looked at you with an arched eyebrow and a faint smile.

For the first time, Jake felt a spark of hope. You had missed his yapping and he was more than happy to bring them back. You were giving back slowly. Maybe it wasn’t all lost for him.

He had tried with the texts, he had arrived late for most of his classes and left early in some others to get you your coffee and walk you down. It was hard to stay quiet around you, for him, but he tried. If you wanted silence and allowed him to be with you, he’d keep his mouth shut all the time.

“I mean, at least it’d be less awkward.” You shrugged, as if it meant nothing. For Jake meant everything.

“Okay. I’ll talk.” he said smiling.”

That same night you were laying in bed, scrolling through your phone, checking every app possible until you saw the notification of a text pop up. It was Jake, and he had shared a link. You clicked and Spotify opened to a playlist named: i’m not good with words but i’ll write something eventually. You chuckled at the name and looked through the songs he had added. He texted:

jake: its the first time im sharing a playlist jake: i’ll be updating it

y/n: dont put shitty music there pls y/n: and i might listen to it

jake: thanks

y/n: for???

jake: not blocking me lol jake: and everything else but thats a topic for other day jake: when you fall for my charm ill tell u

y/n: last time i did you won money

jake: ouch

A few minutes later he texted again:

jake: wait jake: you fell for my charm?

You chuckled and left him on seen.

In the past three weeks his hand grew accustomed to holding a cold drink for a while, but that day his hand was getting colder and colder. You weren’t coming out of your dorm at the time you usually did. You probably were late, he thought. The thing was that you were never late, you had your favorite class, the poetry one first hour in the morning.

When his hand was red and unresponsive thanks to the cold, he saw the time. Eight o’clock. You were nowhere near, until he saw your friend, Rei walk out with her headphones on.

“Hey!” Jake said walking fast to her. “Rei, what’s up?”

She looked at him stoic, and took her headphones off, looking at him done. He assumed she knew what had happened and she wasn’t fond of him.

“What?” She asked dryly.

Yup, your friends weren’t exactly warming up to him either. A few days ago he crossed paths with Wonyoung on his way to class, and he swore if she could, she would have killed him on the spot with that icy stare.

“Is Y/N okay?” he asks and she sighs, as if talking to him tired her. But eventually, she shook her head.

“That girl is sick and she refused to… wait, were you waiting for her?” Rei asked, arching an eyebrow and Jake nodded quickly, like a kid being scolded. “Cute, I guess.”

“Is she in bed?” Jake asked worriedly. “Can I see her?”

Rei looked wary, and chuckled.

“If the door to the dorm opens and you can get in, you can. But now I have to get to class.” She said smiling, she wasn’t going to open the door for him. Rei walked away, again with her headphones on and Jake sighed.

Fair enough.

Jake wasn’t going to give up. He’d get into that dorm one way or another. Not trespassing or anything illegal, but maybe if he waited for someone to open the door for him, or a perfect opportunity to slip in when someone was leaving the building, he’d be able to see you. He remembered your dorm number because once it slipped from you, that you lived on the second floor and your room number.

Thank god, because Jake didn’t want to go and knock on every door on the second floor.

You were in bed, you were ready to leave for class, showered, dressed but you almost fainted when reaching for your backpack. You couldn’t stand up, and you had decided to ignore the huge headache you developed during the night.

After a small argument on why your health mattered, Rei forced you to stay in bed. All of your friends had classes, and Rei begged you to let her stay with you, but you told her she needed to go to class, that you’d do well by yourself. And you did, for about fifteen minutes, until your head started to hurt and you felt your body getting hot.

Chills ran through your body, you drank water, had a wet cloth on your head, and you really tried to sleep but when you got cold, it got worse. Your body shivered, but you knew if you turned the heater on, you’d get hot. A huge paradox.

A knock on the door took your focus away from how you felt every muscle of your body sore, you screamed from your bed, with your head hurting, but you weren’t going to get up if it wasn’t important.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Jake”

You got up and walked slowly to the door. Not caring that you had changed into your most comfortable pajamas and opened the door quickly. And there he was with a smile on his face, but worried eyes.

“I’m sick.” you mumbled trying to not get too close to him.

“I know.” He smiled. “Can I come in?”

“You’ll get sick.” You excused and he shrugged it off. You sighed and nodded. He took his shoes off, left a coffee on your desk, and walked to stand next to your bed, where you shamelessly laid down, not caring that he was there.

You rested your head on the pillow, placed the wet cloth on your forehead, closed your eyes and spoke:

“Why did you come?” You opened one eye, to see that he was awkwardly standing next to your bed, not knowing what to do.

It wasn’t the first time he was there, but it was the first time you weren’t completely sure if everything looked neat. Rei and you always kept it organized, but it was eight in the morning, if a bra was hanging around there or if your dirty clothes were around, you couldn’t care less.

“Do you need anything?”

“No.” You said and closed your eyes again. You felt his eyes on you and opened one eye, again. He chuckled and you closed it again. “You can sit, you look awkward standing there.”

“You sure?”

“Don’t make me regret it, just sit.” You mumbled, moved your feet and pointed at the end of the bed. He understood your signs and sat at the end of the bed, with a smile. “Can you talk, I don’t know, tell me a story.”

“A story?” He asked, confused about your petition. He thought if you’d ask something from him it’d be to either leave or shut up. You hummed in confirmation and he chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” You opened your eyes and frowned, with your face hurting when doing the gesture. He laughed.

“You look so cute.”

“Shut up.” You closed your eyes again and got comfortable in between your pillows. “My head hurts, so your story better be good.”

“Okay. Can I get comfortable? I need to be comfortable to tell good stories.” He joked

“Don’t. You’re still on thin ice, Sim.” You mumbled and he laughed before starting.

You didn’t know if he did tell you a story or not, cause you fell asleep when some words came out of his mouth. You felt guarded so you quickly fell into slumber, that did help you feel better because when you woke up your head didn’t hurt as much as it did before. You didn’t know how much time you had slept. You looked around the room, and it was still light outside, so probably a few hours. Jake was at the end of your bed, with his back on the wall and with his eyes closed. You moved a bit and he opened his eyes and looked at you.

“You okay? Does something hurt?” He asked yawning and looking at you, straightening up when he saw you straightening up.

“No, I’m fine. I just fell asleep. What time is it?” You asked, yawning too.

“Ten in the morning, you slept two hours, and… I don't know, I just closed my eyes for a second.” He excused himself. “Sorry.”

“For what? For sleeping?” You sat and rested on your back on your bedframe. “It’s fine.”

You looked at him, as he started to look at his phone, and he did look pretty. It had been three weeks since you allowed him back, slowly, in your life, and how much better he started to look in comparison to when you met him, was weird. His hair was wavier and longer, his gaze looked softer and his smile genuine. His style was the same as always, but there was something in him that caught your attention, more than it did before the whole bet thing. You still were wary about him, but you couldn’t deny you still liked him and thought he was very handsome.

You really didn’t know how to approach anything that related to him, but you did want to try.

“You are staring.” He said without looking up from his phone.

“You’re imagining things.” You looked down at your hands, and silence settled in between you both.

Now it was your turn to feel his gaze. You looked up at him and locked eyes. You had no intention or energy to mock him when he started with his flirty antics, so you just looked down and got comfortable laying your head on your pillows and laying comfortably on the bed.

“You are cute, you know?” He mentioned chuckling. “I can tell you’re sick because you didn’t roll your eyes at me.”

“Shut up.” You felt you were getting embarrassed. “If I roll my eyes my head hurts, but I can still scoff at your tactics, if you want.”

“No thanks.” He chuckled, and after a beat he said: “You know I really want you back, right?”

You didn't answer, just looked at him.

“Not what we had, but if I work right, I want you to be with me, to trust me, to enjoy my presence and you know maybe for you to like me” he spoke the last part lower. “If you tell me to stop, I will, but I really like you still, and I beat myself up for what happened, and I’ll do it for a long time.”

You just stared at him, with longing in your eyes, but trying to mask it as much as you could.

“But I want to beat myself up and have you by my side, to walk you to class and pick you up. I’d like to take you to the observatory, show you a bit of my world.”

You chuckled and smiled softly.

“I’d like to make you laugh. And I really want you back, and I really want you to warm up to me again. But I’ll earn it.” He sighed and smiled at you, fully accepting his feelings.. “Not just with what I’m saying, but just so you know, that’s what I want.” He stood up-

“Where are you going?” You asked quickly, worrying if he was going to leave after telling you everything. .

“I’ll go get you something to eat and I’ll be back.” He put his jacket and scarf on looking at you the whole time. “Will you miss me?”

You scoff and he chuckles.

“Don’t die on the way there.”

“See you in a bit.” He closes the door behind himself.

He left you with a cloud of thoughts, you weren't ready to trust him, but to forgive him? You were slowly seeing how sorry he felt, and you were happy that he was being honest, but you still were warded, and you’d probably be for a while, but it felt nice to see him try, and you had to recognize, it was the first time you allowed someone that did something to you to repair it. Not that anyone had ever apologized, but it felt nice seeing that maybe people had a second chance in your life.

The observatory was something that Jake only went by himself, once Heeseung took him because he had missed the bus that took him to the top of the hill, but other than him, it was just him there. When he invited you, he knew the stars would be visible, and he needed to work on a final project for his class. He was over the moon when you said yes.

“Let’s go, the bus must come in a few minutes.” He said when you appeared through the doors of your dorm building.

You went to a bus stop right at the entrance of campus, and a small bus stopped. It read ‘Observatory’ on the window, and besides you two, some students went in. You got up and Jake, behind you, signaled two seats next to the window, almost at the back. You both sat there as the bus started its trip.

It went through the streets of the town until it got to an entrance of a private property that signaled you were arriving. The bus kept moving, when it started going uphill. You looked at Jake, scared and he chuckled.

“This thing is moving too much.” You said trying not to panic, holding the seat in front, and looking around. “What if this falls?” You whispered. You didn’t want the driver to listen, what if it made him insecure and you fell?

“We are not going to fall.” He calmed you.

Looking through the window, the campus started to look smaller every time the bus kept moving. You looked around the bus, and the other students that were there seemed focused on their stuff and too calm for your liking. You did your best to stay composed, but every turn made you feel like you’d fall down the cliff. Jake chuckled quietly and grabbed your hand. You did not fight it, or did anything for him to drop it, it did help you ground yourself until the bus stopped and everyone went down.

You were so happy when you touched land again. You turned around and followed Jake, who still was holding your hand, and the group of students that started to dissipate once they got into the observatory

The observatory was a huge dome on the top of the hill. When you walked in, Jake saluted the people in the entrance, as they recognized him. They smiled warmly at him and you. He walked your two to a small room that had just a computer on a desk, and a small window.

“These are study rooms.” He said leaving his backpack on the hooks behind the doors. He delicately took your backpack too and hung it next to his. He sat in front of the desk and turned the computer on. He grabbed the chair next to the desk and placed it next to him. “Sit with me.”

You did as you were curious of what was happening on the screen, when a software opened and what seemed to be the sky appeared on the screen. You peeked and he smiled at you.

“This is a live telescope.” He pointed to some stars. “I need to analyze these ones.” He moved the image around until he found the section he was looking for. He pointed to a group of stars together. “That stellar cluster. Give me a second.” He stood up quickly and grabbed his ipad from his backpack, placed it next to the computer and opened some documents where he had his notes. “Can you help me, please?”

“Yeah.” You grabbed the apple pen he was handing you.

“Can you write some numbers I'm going to give you?”

He started dictating numbers that you assumed might have been coordinates to the stars he needed to analyze. So you started writing quickly. You had no clue what everything meant or what he was going to use those numbers for, but you just helped him the best you could.

You had never seen him this focused, or that passionate for something. You wondered if people knew he had that side of his. You were thankful he was showing you that.

“Do people know you come here?” You asked when he started getting up and putting his jacket on again. “The first time you said you didn’t tell people your major, is it because it didn’t fit with what you… did?”

“I mean, the party people, nobody knew I study physics. No one pays attention to those things.” You put your jacket on too, but had a problem zipping it up. You struggled and Jake held your hand, softly and zipped it up for you. “I should have known better, right? ” He dropped his hand from your zipper and chuckled sadly.

He grabbed his student id from the desk, and closed the door of the study room. “Our things will be safe, don’t worry.” You both walked through the dome, which now you noticed was very cozy and smaller than you had thought, that was until you walked through the back to a big patio.

“Anyway, I liked it that way. People that care about me, would eventually care about what I like” he started walking to a telescope, looking number by number. “I also like to build LEGOs if you didn’t know.” He smiled when he found “This one is ours.”

You held his ipad and he started to type on a computer next to it. These people had computers for everything. You were very confused, but you just helped him from afar, holding the ipad and looking at the sky, that was perfect for stargazing or star-analyzing.

The telescope was big, not how you expected a telescope to be, it wasn't a long tube, but basically a machine that was just a camera. It must have been expensive, and looked very complicated, but Jake moved swiftly through the computer, then looking through the telescope and repeating that process again and again a few times.

“I thought they’d be like the common ones.” You said, adjusting your scarf when the cold air hit you. “Not like this.”

“There are some of those inside, these ones are for stargazing” He explained moving to the machine once again. “Look, these are the stars I told you about.” Jake smiled, moving away from the telescope. Giving you space to look.

You realized there was a stool and that the telescope was higher than you thought. The stool helped you reach it, but not that much, so you had to stand on your tip toes to view better.

“Need me to hold you?” you heard him ask and you nodded.

Just as the group of stars came into your view, you felt one of Jake’s hands on your waist, his free hand found yours, helping you keep the balance. A chill moved through your back, but you tried to not show it, and enjoy how close you were seeing the stars.

You had never thought it would look so clear, every star like a ball of light. Some next to others, almost as if they were holding each other, and others were more separated. But if you looked at them with your eyes, they all looked as if they were one big star.

“Those ones are like thrillion miles away.” He explained as you moved away. He moved his hand from your waist but kept the other one holding yours as you stepped out of the stool. “Pretty awesome, right?"

You nodded in silence and he smiled. He took the spot you were previously occupying, but he did not need any support to reach the height of the telescope.

“Can you help me?” he asked, moving his face away from the machine. “I need you to click a small camera that's on the screen. At the right corner.” He pointed at the computer next to the telescope and you nodded. “Thanks.”

You helped him take pictures of stars for a while. You thought that’d be different but it was actually pretty fun to see him excited over seeing stars and you tried to mimic his excitement when he explained you little details about space and astronomy that you had never heard in your life.

Once you went back into the study room, you both got quieter. Jake worked on the computer with the images you took of stars, you were very proud of that, even if all you did was just pressing a button. He worked diligently, wrote on his ipad, typed on the computer, looked at images, wrote numbers and you were fascinated.

“I like… this side of you.” You said without thinking.

“I’ll take that as the biggest compliment ever.” He smiled at you and stopped working. “What’s the other side?”

“Don’t make me say it.” you crossed your arms with a scoff. “I bet the air here makes it better for your brain.” He laughed at the comment. You laughed with him too.

The moments like those happened too often in the next week, and they were confusing you a lot. Much more than you’d like.

“Can I… ask you something?” You said careful when you were walking around the campus on your way to the physics building. He said he wanted to show you something.

“Always.” he responded sternly.

“Are you still friends with the guys… of the bet?”

“No.” he said quickly.

“Why? Besides the bet, they were your friends, I mean-”

“They were but, I didn’t like me with them, you know?” He scratched the back of his neck. “Besides, it’s just fucked up, I fucked up and when I told them they just laughed. I thought they were different.” he chuckled and shrugged. “Besides, Heeseung never liked them.”

You chuckled.

“When he found out about the bet. I think I haven’t ever seen him that mad. Ever” Jake admitted. You chuckled. “He really regretted handing me your number.”

“I bet he did.”

You walked into the physics building, which was so modern in comparison to the classical and old one you had in your class. While yours looked like a castle, Jake’s faculty looked like a rocketship, that was the only comparison you could think of. You got to the last floor in the transparent, glass elevator that allowed you to see every floor and its different rooms that looked straight out of a sci-fi movie. Some had machines that were big, with students looking into them, others were simple classrooms to dictate seminars, but when the elevator stopped Jake led you to one at the end of a hallway.

He opened the door and a group of students were there. All looked like stereotypical physics students, and they looked so cute with their robes. You wanted to see how Jake looked with his robe and in that environment. You’d visit him one day, just to see how he looked.

“Are you still here?” Jake said out loud and the group guys turned around scared, but relaxed when they saw it was Jake.They all seemed around the same age of you two, so you assumed they were classmates of Jake.

“We were saving the project.” One answered and looked at you, with a smile. “You must be Y/N.”

You nodded confused, and looked at Jake who coughed as he scratched his neck, looking at the floor.

“We know you because Jake always talks about you. We are the ones that cover for him when he leaves classes early or arrives late” Other said and the rest laughed.

You looked at Jake and he had his face red, but was smiling looking at you. You never thought that he had been leaving class early, and you felt dumb for not noticing before that he was investing his time on you. You smiled at him.

“These are Felix, Jeongin and Hyunjin.” He pointed at each one of the guys, and they all smiled politely. “And this is Y/N.” Jake gestured to you and the guys chuckled.

You waved, shyly and the three of them chuckled.

“She’s so cute.” Hyunjin said. “I don’t know how you tolerate that piece of shit.” He pointed at Jake with a joking sigh, as he saved his stuff in his backpack. All four of them laughed, and you smiled at the floor, shy.

“You close the classroom, right?.” Jeongin asked, hanging his backpack on his shoulder. Jake nodded. “Bye, Y/N. Nice meeting you.”

You both bid your goodbyes to each one of the guys and soon you were left alone in the room. It had circular tables with chairs around them, as if they were for group working. And at the end of the room there were a bunch of computers, and a normal telescope for stargazing, Jade taught you that, was set pointing towards a window.

You both were left alone. You looked at Jake and he still had red cheeks and was looking everywhere, but to you.

“So you talk about me?” You teased him with a smirk on your face. You understood why he always had a smug attitude, it was fun to do so.

“Of course.” He admitted, shameless.

He walked towards the computers, you followed behind him, admiring how secure he felt in that environment. He sat in front of one expensive looking monitor, pulled the keyboard and grabbed the chair next to him. He placed it right at his side and patted the chair, looking at you.

You sat with a smile. He turned on the PC, and opened a software that was very similar to the one you saw him use at the observatory, just that this one had what seemed to be a 3D image of stars. You looked at him, curious and he explained:

“This is a model I built based on what we found on the observatory. I wanted to show you.” He said shy, looking at the screen. He started moving the cursor around and the image followed him, showing in more detail every star he had modeled. “Some of them have a name.”

“Really?”

“For the analysis it helped me.” He clicked on one and details appeared on a pop-up window. “This one is called Hee. Because it has a small red halo.” He zoomed in closer for you to admire the small red halo around the star.

You laughed and he chuckled.

“This one is you, because it was the one that had the most magnitude.” He clicked one and in fact it appeared named ‘Y/N’. “Basically, it is the brightest of this stellar cluster.”

You looked at the screen. In the small analysis that he wrote, he explained every astronomical thing possible that you didn’t understand, but he ended up explaining that it was his favorite star and he enjoyed analyzing it.

“You put my name in your favorite star because you enjoyed analyzing it?” You asked, feeling a warmth expanding in your chest.

“Yeah, basically” He confessed, honestly.

You stared at him. He stared back with a smile, and licked his lip. Something that you found out he didn’t do to flirt anymore, but unconsciously. You smiled at him, and you had no idea what to do next. Thank him? Ask him more about the star? You were touched, in his own way he brought you into his world, so you did the first thing you felt that showed your gratitude.

You hugged him tight. You grabbed his shoulders and surrounded his neck with your hands, leaving your head resting on his shoulder. It was the first time you ever hugged him. You smiled into the hug, and a second later he reciprocated. Setting his arms around your waist and accommodating his head on your shoulder. You mumbled into his shoulder.

“Thank you.” He just stroked your back, and you two stayed there a few seconds.

He moved back from your shoulder, without breaking the hug and you did the same. He kissed your cheek softly, with a smile.

“Nothing to thank for, pretty.”

After leaving the physics buildings, Jake walked you to your dorm as usual but he said bye with a hug and a kiss on your cheek. Something that he had never done before. You walked up to your dorm with a smile and he walked back with the same smile.

Once you both got back to your respective rooms, you closed the door and asked loudly to the room.

“Do you think Y/N likes me?”

“You think I should tell Jake I like him?

Your respective roommates chuckled, seeing you at your states.

“I don’t know.” Heeseung said, shrugging.

“You should.” Rei said, excited.

Later, Jake sat on his bed, already in his pajamas, ready to sleep. It had been a good day, he had hugged you! Which had been something he had hoped it would happen, but the best part was that you initiated it. He had been over the moon when he realized what was happening, and he realized he never wanted it to end.

His expression probably was too obvious that showed what he was thinking. Heeseung chuckled at his face, Jake had a smile and was looking at the floor like he was enamoured by it. Totally daydreaming.Even with all that, Jake didn’t know what else to say. Apologize again? The sixth time he apologized, you looked at him and said ‘I get it, don’t worry.’ Yet you hadn’t forgiven him, which he didn’t blame. Maybe he should tell you that he liked you, again? He had said it the same amount of times he apologized, not in the same sentence. He didn’t want you to feel pressured or anything, but he wanted you to have it present. Maybe he had to give you hints? He probably wasn’t being clear enough, he had never experienced everything you awoke within him, so he didn’t know what was the right thing to say.

He looked at his phone sighing, about to text you the usual ‘good night’ text he always sent and that now you replied with a small ‘good night for you too’ that made him sleep like a baby. He typed his password and a notification appeared on his screen, a message from you.

y/n: can you come down pls? y/n: i dont know how to get in.

Jake got up so fast from his bed, threw his blankets to the side. Put on his shoes, without tying his laces and rushed to the door.

“What the fuck?” Heeseung asked, getting up too, scared.

“Y/N is downstairs.” Jake answered, closing the door with a loud thud.A second later he opened it again, grabbed his coat and his phone. Now closing it again with the same loud thud.

He was excited that you were there. Were you there for him? Maybe you needed to drop something for Heeseung and he hadn’t answered his phone so you texted Jake to let him know and he was just getting his hopes up. Whatever was the reason you showed up, it didn’t matter to him, as long as he got to see you for a while.

As the elevator arrived to the first floor, he didn’t wait for the doors to fully open. When he was able to exist he did so. You were outside the glass door and when you saw him coming out of the elevator, smiled and waved at him. He smiled back as he rushed to put his fingerprint to open the door. He pulled from the handle bar and smiled at you, out of breath.

“Hi.” You mumbled, shy.

“Hey.” He greeted you with an exhalation, trying to breathe. “You okay?” You nodded with a small smile.

You didn’t know how to approach the topic, and Jake didn’t know what to say or do. So you both stayed in silence for a few seconds, just looking at each other with a shy smile on both your faces.

“I like you.”

“Do you want to-”

You both spoke at the same time, but Jake didn’t get to finish his question. He just stared at you with his face full of surprise, mouth opening a bit, and eyes getting wide, at total loss of words. You chuckled at his reaction. He wasn’t hiding how much your words had affected him. He swallowed hard and grabbed you by the waist to hug you, without any second thought.

You chuckled when he held you tight, and you placed your arms around him. Second hug of the day, and you realized it felt nice to hug him. He smelled like almond soap, which you had smelled before but never from up close. He moved his head back from your shoulder to look at you in the eyes, still with his arms around your waist.

“Are you serious?” He asked in disbelief. You nodded. “You-” He hugged you again with a small laugh, muffled by your shoulder. He doesn’t drop you or move his hand away from your waist for a few seconds, until he breaks the touch, just leaving one hand around your waist, walking you back to the door.

“We are going to celebrate with donuts at the 24/7 place next to your dorm.” He said seriously. ” He looked at you, leaving no room to complain, so you just nodded. “It’s on me.”

The donut store was empty. It was ten at night, so it was expected. When you walked in, at the end there was a student typing on his laptop with his headphones on, and on the other side a girl was scribbling quickly in her notebook, both of them in their own worlds. Leaving you and Jake basically on your own.

He ordered for you two and you both sat on a table next to the window with a box of six donuts, him with a cup of coffee and you with your iced coffee. You both started eating in a comfortable silence, until he asked:

“Does this mean you forgive me?” He looked up with his brows furrowed and his mouth tightened.

You nodded, drinking from your coffee.

“It did hurt me a lot, but… I mean, you kinda proved you care about me.” You shrugged, now finishing your donut.

“I do, a lot!” He said, breaking into a big smile. “And I’ll prove it for as long as you allow me.”

When you went back to your room, Rei was there already, fully tucked in her bed. You walked in with a smile and she arched an eyebrow. You just excused yourself saying you’d take a shower.

When you left the bathroom ready to lay in bed, happy. Wonyoung had appeared and was laying in your bed with her phone in her hand. She waved at you and you narrowed your eyes.

“I’m freshly showered and I’m with my pajamas.” She excused herself before you said anything, tying her hair in a ponytail and continuing scrolling through her phone. She knew how much you hated when people got into your bed with their outside clothes.

“Y/N came in with a smile on her face after hanging out with Jake.” Rei sang, teasing. Wonyoung gasped with a hand on her mouth and sat straight on bed. “Now tell.”

“I told him I liked him” The girls stared with smiles on their faces and Wonyoung You looked at both of them and you were missing three people. “Where are the other ones?”

“They’re at a party, but that doesn’t matter.” Wonyoung continued brushing it off. “So when do you date? Has he asked you yet?” You shook your head no. “He will soon, I feel it.”

“You think so?” You asked, laying next to her and looking at both of your friends. “I haven’t been this close to anything, so I’m nervous.”

“He will.” Rei chimed in, calming you down. “When you got sick, he looked like a lost puppy looking for you.”

You imagine him, outside of your dorm building, looking up when the door opened and you weren’t coming out. With a look on his eyes, that now were more expressive, showing the confusion, and probably with a small pout on his lips. All while holding the cold iced coffee he had brought you that day.

You went to sleep that night, next to your friend hogging your blankets, knowing that whatever happened with Jake, you’d want to take it further.

“The day is pretty” You admired the view as you walked back from the date Jake had taken you on. “Thank you for this.”

He looked handsome, as always, but lately you had seen a glow on him that appeared out of nowhere. His smile felt softer, his eyes and the crinkles around them were one of the cutest things you swear you have ever seen. You felt he was finally being himself, which you appreciated. He looked at you, smiled and placed his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him.

“Nothing to thank, pretty.” He kissed the top of your head.

Since you hugged and kissed his cheek, you both had fallen in a small comforting demonstration of affections, nothing out of the ordinary. He’d pull you closer whenever you were walking, holding your shoulders or your waist, or he’d kiss your temple or cheek when saying goodbye. The first time he did so, you blushed instantly and he had made it his mission to do it as often as he could.

You were a few blocks away from the campus city. He had taken you to a small place you said you wanted to visit a few days ago, a café that had some delicious pastries. You had insisted on paying when you walked in, but Jake denied it and said that it was on him, end of the discussion. You were surprised when he walked in and said confidently to the person at the entrance: ‘Hi, I’m Jake, I have a reservation’ and they walked you to a table. He told you he didn’t want to taste his luck in case the café was full.

You melted a bit for him.

You walked through a small park, which basically was a rock path and trees next to them. The smell of wet rocks after the rain, made you feel calmer. It was late, probably eight and the sun had already set, and the few lights of the sky were disappearing.

Jake walked next to you in silence. After crossing a street, he had tucked his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground, kicking some rocks that came into his way. You hadn’t noticed that he was nervous.

“I want to be your boyfriend.” He said suddenly. You stopped in your tracks and looked at him, shocked. He stopped walking and looked back with a smirk that masked his anxiety. “You don’t have a comeback for that?” He joked.

“Are you serious?” You asked.

“When it comes to you I don’t joke.” He stood in front of you, lowered his gaze and looked into your eyes. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and held both your hands. His were trembling a little but he didn’t pay much attention to it. “I like you, and I am so sorry for how we started. I don’t know what else to do but to actually tell you how I feel. If you let me be your boyfriend I swear I’d be the be-”

He didn’t finish speaking. You grabbed his face and lowered him until your lips touched. You kissed him softly and he wasted no time in holding your waist, pulling you closer until you were flushed against his body and deepened the kiss. You moved your hands to the nape of his neck, and stroked his hair. He chuckled into the kiss.

“That’s a yes?” He asked, breaking the kiss, but still having your faces close to the other. You nodded with a smile. “So, you are my girlfriend and I am your boyfriend?”

“That’s usually how these things work, Jake.” You teased him and he kissed you again.

“When you come back with smart remarks now I can kiss you.” He moved back and you laughed.

The transition from whatever-you-had to a couple was smooth. All your friends knew because Jake had decided to announce it to the whole world, which were the seven followers in his new instagram account, but he wanted to formally introduce himself to your friends as your boyfriend. Things went smoother than you thought, the girls were wary about him but eventually warmed up, it took them about two months but who was counting?

Jake was, he wanted to be the best boyfriend you ever had. When you told him he was your first, it made him so happy, because you both were in the same place. Both learning how to navigate a relationship.

“You know, when I fucked up, I looked everywhere for how to fix it.” He confessed while looking in front of the road. You looked up at him, curious to what he meant by it. “I watched every movie possible.”

“About people betting on girls?” You joked and he nodded. “Are you serious?” You asked with a surprised expression. Imagining him watching a movie about a guy betting on a girl made you laugh. Even when he fucked up, he was cute. “Which ones did you watch?”

“This one about the sisters.” He tried to remember the name. “Ten things I hate about you, that was a good one and After, too. Those weren’t bad but I did get hooked with all the series."

You stared at him and laughed, loudly.

“Don’t laugh.” He mumbled, grabbing your hands and pulling them into the pocket of his jacket. You kept laughing as his face got redder. Your boyfriend was definitely cute.

Five hours later, you were sleeping peacefully until your phone rang. You looked at the time, one in the morning but you picked it up when you read Heeseung’s name.

“What?” You went straight to the point with a sleepy voice.

“Jake is at the ER.” He said too normal for the information he just gave you. “He wants you to come.”

“What the fuck, what happened?” You sat up quickly and grabbed your bag.

“His appendix.” He chuckled after speaking. “Sorry, it’s not funny. He got appendicitis.”

Before Heeseung finished explaining you had a coat on top of your pajama and your shoes on. You told Rei that you were going to see Jake at the ER, and explained to her. She just mumbled a ‘text me when you are there’ and turned around to sleep again.

You went to Wonyoung’s room and begged her to please drive you. Thank god she was awake. She drove past the speed limit and left you right at the entrance of the hospital where Jake was, you jumped out of the car and she asked you if you wanted her to stay, you told her you were fine and that Heeseung was inside. She made you promise to call her so she’d pick you up, and you walked in waving goodbye to your friend.

“You made it!” Heeseung stood up. Still in his pajamas and with a tired expression. He smiled and gave you a quick hug. You both sat in the uncomfortable plastic seats. “He got into surgery, like ten minutes ago.”

You closed your eyes and an hour later the nurse called for the family of Jake Sim. You both jumped and walked up to her. She informed you that he was okay and would be waking up from his anesthesia, and that once he was awake they’d let you in.

Thirty minutes later, you walked into Jake’s hospital room. He was in his bed with his eyes closed resting his head on the pillow. He looked peaceful sleeping. The nurse to his side took his vitals, but when he heard footsteps opened his eyes and smiled tiredly.

The nurse gave you a nod and left the room after explaining to you that everything had worked and Jake had to be just overnight to see how he evolved but he’d be discharged in the morning. He explained he had to be resting for around two weeks and a bunch of medical instructions that you later wrote on your phone so you’d remember.

“What happened?” You asked sitting next to him in the bed, careful not to move him. He extended his hand that didn’t have the IV so you’d take it. He intertwined his fingers with yours and explained.

“My tummy started to hurt a lot, and Heeseung pressed my side and I cried. He just grabbed me and now I’m here.” He shrugged, smiling at you.

Heeseung chuckled.

“I know how to recognize a broken appendix.” He said smug, sitting on the couch. “Your family is on their way. Y/N called them”

“Did you tell them you were my girlfriend when you told them?” He looked excited and you frowned. That was what he was questioning? You chuckled and stroked his hair with a nod. “You will meet them! Not how I planned but still.”

You had thought of that fact, that you were in your pajamas and looking sleepy and you were going to meet the family of your boyfriend. It wasn’t the best case scenario, but no one planned that Jake’s appendix had to be taken out. You just hoped they didn’t judge you.

An hour later, Heeseung left and asked if you were joining him. Jake answered ‘no, please’ for you, you didn’t plan on leaving, so Heeseung came back to campus by himself. You were left alone with Jake as he started telling you how he felt getting into the emergency room before the anesthesia kicked in. The nurse came and checked his vitals again, and when they were leaving a couple walked in.

You recognized Jake’s parents because you saw Jake’s eyes in them and the same facial structure. You stood up quickly and Jake chuckled at seeing you so nervous. He felt a pain after laughing, so he tried to contain his laugh and what you, looking cute and shy, provoked him.

“Hey” he said to his parents.

“Hi, dear.” His mom greeted him, with a warm smile, kissing his forehead. “You must be Y/N. Jake has told us a lot about you.” You smiled, feeling shy and looking at the floor. “Oh, you are so cute.” She chuckled.

You greeted both of them and they started to chat with Jake. You excused yourself to give them some privacy. You went into the hallway to get something from a small coffee stand that was in the waiting room. You had asked Jake’s parents if they wanted anything from it and they said they were fine, both smiling at you thankful. Which made you feel more at ease, they were being so nice with you.

You bought a coffee, and just as you were getting your phone to pay. Jake’s mom appeared behind you. “It’s on me.” She said to you, without giving you time to protest as she paid. You stared, nervous.

“No, I can pay you.” You spoke, panicking. You wanted to cause a good impression, you didn’t want her to think you were taking advantage of them.

“No need, dear. You put up with Jaeyun so it’s enough.” She said, brushing it off with her hand. You chuckled, still nervous but at least she didn’t seem to think you were taking advantage of her. “He never stops talking about you. We had never seen him so excited about someone.” You blushed at her comment. “You’re so much prettier than he said! We are very happy to meet you, Y/N.”

“Likewise.”

You both walked back to the room as she told you how she almost got a speeding ticket. She had the same eloquence to narrate that Jake had, and every second that passed you felt more comfortable with her. That woman was amazing.

When you both walked into the room. Jake was chatting animatedly with his dad. They both looked at you and Jake smiled.

“See, dad. I told you I got a girlfriend.”

“I can see it.” His dad chuckled. “How do you put up with him?” His dad joked.

You shrugged, teasing. “He’s kinda nice to have around.”

All four of you laughed but Jake said: “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts my tummy.”

After meeting Jake’s parents you knew you wanted him to meet yours too. You didn’t know how to bring it up, and honestly, you were terrified. Not for Jake or for your parents, it was just… it made you shy for your parents to think that you had liked someone and that you now were dating them. It was stupid, but you still wanted them to meet Jake, you knew they’d like him.

When you told your family you had a boyfriend it was through face time. You didn’t know how to bring it up, until you blurted out the information that you had a boyfriend your parents held the phone to their faces in complete silence for what you felt were hours, when it probably was just two seconds. Then they broke into big smiles and teasing, all while singing ‘the small Y/N likes a boy’ You were tempted to hang up on them, but deeply, you were happy that you had shared the information.

One month and two weeks exactly after Jake had his appendix removed it was your mom’s birthday. As he was someone that apparently healed quickly from surgeries, your parents told you to invite Jake home for the weekend. You just texted them an ‘ok’ and when you told Jake he was so excited and started planning on what to say.

The trip on the bus to your house was probably the longest hour that Jake had ever experienced in his life. He didn’t know how to greet them? Hey, in-laws? Hey, miss and mister? He had searched online, had asked you how to refer to them, but what if he slipped out?

“You look so cute together!” Your mom said as you all sat at the table, eating.

Every question that your parents asked Jake, he answered it as if he had studied for a test and was nailing it. He was obviously nervous, but in less than an hour at your house your parents were head over heels for him and Jake’s shoulders relaxed. Yours too.

You were curious where Jake would sleep, you assumed in your room but you didn't want your parents to think anything about you. Jake had the same doubt, but he just straight up asked;

“Is it okay with you if we sleep together?”

You spat the tea on the table. Your parents laughed and Jake got so red that your parents started laughing more. You grabbed a cloth and cleaned the table while Jake explained:

“Not like that, no… I’ll, I mean-”

Your parents kept laughing at how adorable you two looked, but your dad decided to save him from his misery and said:

“Don’t worry. We are fine that you two sleep in her room.”

You closed the door to your room after getting ready to sleep and Jake threw himself to your bed, dramatically. He had brought his own pajamas and he looked so cute mixed with your room.

“I want to kill myself.”

“That was quite funny.” You admitted brushing your hair and braiding it.

He snorted. You turned off the lights, walked to your bed, and extended your hand for him to get up. You opened the covers and he got in without any protest. He accommodated a pillow for you and one for him, and laid his head, still looking at you.

Once you fully laid and were covered with your blankets, he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into your neck.

“Can I tell you something?” he said in a low voice moving his face back to look at you.

You nodded. The guy that you had met at the cafe had opened up to a beautiful guy that was honest with you, and worshiped the floor you walked on. His antics still were there but you didn't fight them anymore, you slowly fell for them or teased him back. He had opened up with you in ways he had never done, and every time you were together you were so thankful for having him in your life.

“It might be soon, we have been together for two months now, but I know I love you, Y/N.” He stroked your cheek and you smiled into his hand. “You don’t need to say it back, just so you-”

“I love you too.” You interrupted him.

You moved forward and kissed him softly. He held you close by the waist and deepened the kiss. When you broke away for air, he spoke:

“I still have your copy of Wuthering Heights.”

“I know.” You kissed his cheek and snuggled into his chest as his arms embraced you.

Thank you for reading!

TAGLIST: @svtenfate thank you so much for joining the taglist <3 if you want to join, send me an ask!

[rinaliteracy]

I'm just too soft

pairing: nonidol!jay x afab!reader genre: fluff, angst wc: 7.1K summary: Jay partied with the hope you'd come to shut him up, but he realized it was better to win your heart piece by piece. Softly you started to seek the comfort of his presence as you started to lose yourself a bit. tw: sensory issues and sadness.

You knew the party was going to be for a while because the cars came with many people inside. In cars for five people, you saw seven come out, with beers, chips and smoking. You didn’t expect it to go that far. It was three in the morning, you had stopped studying for your test for the day, but you were not able to sleep with the music that rumbled on your walls.

You tried your noise cancelling headphones, you tried music, but soon it was three forty five, and nothing worked. Nothing. You were getting dysregulated, and you hated that. You took deep breaths, but nothing was working, you felt the noise inside each crevice of your brain, and you needed it to stop.

The house was alone, just you and your thoughts, your parents were not home because they had a wedding outside of the city, and your sibling decided that they wanted to hang out at some friends house. You needed to handle it by yourself.

You chug a lot of water, and braced yourself for the best, or worst. Changed shoes and walked out of the door. It was chilly as always and out of the anger and tiredness you felt for the situation, you forgot to wear a coat. With steps that didn’t show how anxious you were feeling, you walked towards your neighbours house. It had happened before, you asking him to shut the fuck up, but it always made you insecure. He probably thought you were annoying and a killjoy girl that had nothing better to do, but if that allowed you to sleep, you’d take it.

The house seemed normal on the outside, fancier than yours, but normal. You knew the parents of the house, they were kind and your parents would chat with them if they met on the street or the supermarket, but it was their kid the loud one.

You knocked on the door, rang the bell, knocked on the door, and on the third rang of the bell your neighbor appeared.

Jay.

“Hey.” he said cautiously. “What’s up?”

“Hi, can you stop? It’s now four am.” you said as softly as you could, without sounding rude and without saying what you really wanted to scream at him.

Tone it down, you fucker.

“Oh, shit. Sorry.” He nodded. “I apologize.”

“Good night.” you said flatly, turning your back to him and walking home quickly.

In less than five minutes people came out in a horde, with disappointed faces and stumbling. You were peeking through the window of your parent’s bedroom and smiled when the lights of the house dimmed.

Finally a peaceful two hours of sleep until your exam.

You fell asleep tired and worried, hoping you’d do well on your exam. Jay fell asleep happy and content to see you complain, after all, it was the few times he’d be able to talk to you.

The exam was hell, you forgot everything you had studied and only remembered how much you hated the noisy parties and Park Jay. You had been stressed in a way you had never been before, and that exam was something you needed to ace, if only you had slept better.

Why the hell did your teacher want four examples of what a Masterpiece literature was?! And why did you forget all the examples you had prepared? You just resigned and walked home, hungry and moody.

“I needed to do some homework but I'm just too tired.” Your friend, Mina, said through your phone. “I miss you, you know?”

“You do?” you ask popping on one elbow on your bed. “I miss you too.”

“Sometimes college is too much for me.” she confessed. “Besides, in my classes there’s not many interesting people. I miss you bickering about how much you hate your neighbors or any guy that crosses your path.”

“I can always complain still through texts.” you said jokingly. “I feel everything is a bit heavy, you know? Sometimes my classmates are just that… not attentive, like I would do, you know?"

“You are a sensitive soul, Y/nnie. Don’t let them turn that down, and we knew it would be hard for you.”

“I know.” Your eyes were covered in tears, you really needed sometimes the words of your best friend, but that was interrupted when someone rang the doorbell. “Someone rang the doorbell. I need to check the camera.

You made your way to the kitchen, where the camera of the doorbell was, and a very disheveled Jay was outside.

“What the fuck. Jay is outside.” you whispered on the phone.

“Oh my god! Go get your boyfriend.” You hung up after telling Mina you’d text her what happened and with still some tears in your eyes for missing your friend you opened the door.

You blinked fast to focus on Jay and dry the tears that were left.

“Hey, sorry for… um. How are you?” He scratched his neck nervously. You stared at him up and down with a frown. “I’m Jay."

“I know. We have been neighbors for a few years.” You said stating the obvious.

The guy knew how to dress up, you had to admit, and he was handsome too. Hair placed perfectly, he was wearing simple clothes, a shirt and some pants, but he did look put together… and handsome.

“Sorry, right.” he nodded. “I’m sorry for the noise. I apologize, it won’t happen again.”

“Really?” you crossed your arms, remembering the noise and getting mad. “Look I get it, but it was a bit extreme and loud, the fact that my walls were rumbling and it was four AM basically.”

“I know, and I apologize.” He looked genuinely sorry, and you couldn’t deny that he had a face that made you feel inclined to forgive him. “It won’t happen again.

“It’s fine. I accept your apology.” you said monotonous.

You thought of turning back and getting home, but you had no clue on how to end the conversation. A wave? A “shut up forever”? A smile?. Thank god he seemed more skilled, as he just smiled and continued.

“Are you busy right now? Can I borrow you for a few minutes?” You showed your confusion in your face and he smiled. “I invite you to a coffee. The new coffee shop that opened here. I pay.”

You looked down at your outfit, you were with your worse clothes, and you had decided to spend your afternoon inside, but a free coffee would do. The fact that you’d have to maintain a conversation with him made you feel a bit nervous, but Jay exuded a confidence that you decided you’d just follow his lead.

“Let me grab my keys.”

In less than two minutes, you had a coat on and phone in your pocket. You walked the two blocks to the new coffee shop that had opened recently. It was a family that had decided to turn it into a cozy space, with tables on the patio and the front. Jay and you settled on a small table with a big window that illuminated the whole place, next to you.

“I’ve never been here.” You admitted looking around the coffee shop.

“My mom came the other day and said it was cute.” he said looking at the menu. “But I hadn’t found the right occasion to come.”

You scanned the menu and chose a latte.

“Can you give me your Venmo details? I’ll transfer you the money.”

“No. I said I’d pay.” he said, settling down the menu and smiling at you.

The waiter came and took your orders, you both asked for the coffees and the waiter excused themselves.

“Take it as an apology for the parties.” he delicately said and smiled.

“Okay.” You nodded. But still feeling wary of him.

Your orders came in quickly, and Jay was great at turning small talk into interesting topics, the way he’d joke and talk about small things fascinated you and made you admire him a bit. Having that smoothness was something you always wished to achieve, but eventually gave up. To each their own, right? Maybe small talk, or even talking wasn’t your scene. But Jay? He was definitely smooth.

Soon you found yourself chatting freely, and you had again ordered another latte as you started to feel comfortable with him. In less than two hours this guy made you feel comfortable enough to laugh, which was something it took you weeks to achieve with normal people.

“I have seen you at the bus stop, you go to uni?” He asked, sipping his coffee and you nodded. “What do you study?”

“Literature, with a minor in marketing.” you stayed silent after answering, but realized you had an open space to keep the conversation flowing: “Do you?”

“I Do” he smiled. “I study business, no minor for me.”

“You don’t look like a business guy.” You said bluntly, but blushed, you didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. “Sorry, that wasn’t meant to be…”

“No worries, I know.” He laughed “What do I look like?”

“I don’t know, like a… nice boy.” you stated and he smiled. “Not that business people are mean, just— I had some classmates of that major and they were… you don’t seem like that”

“I don’t have the stuck-up attitude?” He asked. He didn’t take any offense on your comment and that made you feel warmer. Safer.

“Exactly.”

You walked home back together, he said goodbye with a small hug and you texted MIna first thing when you got to your room:

y/n: he invited me to a coffee y/n: he was nice y/n: he apologized for the noise.

mina: omg!!!!!! mina: i think he has a crush on you!

y/n: for a coffee? he was being nice

mina: omg this is huge mina: you think a MAN is nice

y/n: shut up :(

mina: never!!!! mina: i have to go to an online class mina: but remember, ii am so proud of u ynniee mina: pls remember it

The few days were slow in your life, a week had passed and your classes had been as quiet as ever, no tests, no essays to turn in, no group projects, nothing to worry about. You did take your time in the mornings, you did your make up and left for uni on time for the bus. The routine had been monotonous, so a random day you expected the same.

The cold air hit you, and you hid your face on your scarf. It was still dark outside, but with each step the darkness was vanishing and getting clearer. You sat on the bench of the bus stop, and looked at your phone to check the bus status. Five minutes until the next bus.

Quick footsteps sounded behind you. You turned around quickly, scared. Jay was running towards the bus stop.

“Hi.” He said out of breath. “Did the bus pass already?”

“Which one?” you asked. “The red one comes in five minutes.”

“Great.” he exhales and sits next to you. “I thought I had lost it.”

You waited in silence. The bus stop started to fill around you two. People dressed up for work, in their suits and kids dressed up for school in their uniforms. Jay sat still next to you. Even as the bus arrived, he sat next to you, all the time in silence, but totally comfortable.

“What’s your stop?” he looked at you.

“Seventh one. Yours?”

“Almost the last one.” he said looking outside the window. “I just stay the whole time here and look around.”

“Does it get boring?” you asked.

“Not really. I read texts for class, listen to music, and sometimes I sleep a bit. It depends on the day.” he explained and continued the conversation.

You’d ask questions and he’d answer them happily, he would ask questions and you’d answer them with a shy undertone. He did realize that you were a bit shy in conversations, but Jay did his best in acting as if he didn’t notice, he had made it his mission to make you feel as comfortable as he could. When you hopped off the bus, Jay was grinning ear to ear. He had been able to talk to you again, and you seemed each time more comfortable with him. He decided that was the best start of his day, and that he wouldn’t mind starting his days like that.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked, walking up to Jay.

The doorbell had rang in the afternoon, you were so focused on writing your essay that it startled you. Your sibling didn’t lift a finger to open the door, so you had to pause and get down,

“I never…” he looked around, and his cheeks turned pink. “Can I get your phone number?”

“My— why?” you asked confused.

“I want to talk to you more.” he said frankly. “If you are comfortable, I mean.”

“Sure” you shrugged and grabbed his phone when he opened the contact screen. You typed in your number but left the name slot empty, he’d name you however he wanted. Maybe “y/n neighbor” or “y/n neighbor that complains”.

“Sorry if that was sudden.” he said apologetically. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine.” you said smiling.

“I—”

“I—”

You both spoke at the same time, he chuckled and you smiled. You signaled him to go first.

“I should go, I have some homework to do.” Jay said looking at you with a smile. “i’ll text you, so you can save my number.”

“I will.” You smiled. “Have a good afternoon, Jay.”

The next morning, you got a text at exactly seven am.

jay: hey! did you leave home yet? jay: we can walk together to the bus stop.

The first time, he was waiting for you outside your house. Then, two weeks into his messages asking if you had left home, your parents just looked at you with curious eyes as you’d leave home with a smile, but you shrugged it off.

You tried to act cool about it, but Jay was over the moon. When he got to class his friend looked at him, grinning ear to ear. Jay was mostly stoic, so the fact that he was smiling too early on the day, his friends found it weird.

“What’s got you so happy?” Jake asked, eyeing him.

“Nothing.” Jay said getting serious suddenly and setting his things ready for class. But Jake didn’t drop it, he never did.

“Wait… is this about your neighbor?” Jake looked excited and Jay blushed a bit. “It so is!”

“Shut up.” Jay tried to end the conversation.

“Jay is in love” Jake joked and pushed Jay’s shoulders. “Man, I never thought I’d see the day.”

“You talk as if I was banging everything.” Jay sounded offended at his friend’s surprise.

“Nah, but you were Mr. Love is a waste of time.” Jake said and looked at Jay, who was trying to keep a stoic expression.

Jay did have a crush on you, he just hoped you could have a crush on him too.

Some days for you were harder than others. People were too much sometimes, too noisy, too cold, too complicated for you, and you felt too small next to them. It was something you knew how to deal with, but it became heavier everyday, especially since you didn’t have your best friend anymore to make you feel comfortable.

y/n: was a bad day:( y/n: I miss you, like a lot

Your day had started okay, the daily walk with Jay and the ride on the bus, but once you got into the classroom it went from bad to worse. The girls you hung out with at college forgot to save you a spot, when you always did that for them, so you had to sit in the back of the class. Normal, right? Those things happen. Next, at lunch time no one waited for you, and when you went to the table where they were eating, they just excused themselves, said they forgot about waiting for you and that they were too hungry to wait. Again, you let it slip, but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

Small things like that happened during the day, they’d walk in front and leave you behind, they’d all disappear together and leave you there. Those things you would never do to someone, but well, college worked like that. You started to distance yourself from them, they weren’t worth it, but even in your fourth year, those things made you sad. Moments when you felt excluded made you miss Mina more.

The bus was mostly empty when you got up, and you felt a lump in your throat. You wanted to get home and be able to cry, it was stupid, but for things like that you felt so alone. You only had your family, your best friend, that was kilometers away and that was it. That was where your loved ones ended.

You had always had problems reading social things, you came to understand your brain was wired differently, small things bothered you, loud people, repeated noises, and you would overthink everything and overfeel things that for some people didn’t seem like a big deal. It was very hard to be inside your head sometimes, sometimes your own brain was too loud.

You scanned the bus quickly to see if any seats were available, and there it was one, next to a guy. You came closer, and realized it was Jay, he smiled and waved at you, patting the seat next to him.

“Hey!” he said cheerfully. “How was your day?” You tried to smile at him, but it probably looked very bad, as his face changed into a worried expression. “You okay?” he turned his body to you as best as he could on the bus seat.

You nodded weakly, but you felt the tears prick in your eyes. You didn’t want to look at him, as you knew you’d probably cry, but when one tear fell down your cheek and onto your lap, you looked at him, and out of nowhere you went and hugged him, out of nowhere.

He stroked your hair softly as his arms wrapped around you, with soothing movements on your back. You kept crying, not sobbing, so you weren’t making any noise that would make people stare, but you were too sad to even care about things anymore. Jay was warm and you needed someone at that moment. With him holding you, things for a few minutes felt easy. He was whispering sweet nothings in your ear, trying to calm you down, but not forcing you to stop crying.

When you had calmed down, you sat up straight again. Jay looked at you, fixed the hair that was stuck to your face thanks to your tears, and you thought that probably, you looked awful, all your makeup smudged and the mascara down your cheeks, you didn’t want to check a mirror, because you’d feel more embarrassed.

“It’s our stop.” he said softly, grabbing your hand. You nodded and both got off the bus.

“I’m sorry, I probably stained your shirt.” you spoke with a strained voice.

“It’s fine.”

You walked slowly, small steps as you felt drained of energy. But Jay’s hand was still holding yours, with a firm grip, steading you. He didn’t pressure you to speak, just walked home with you in silence, at your own pace.

“I had a bad day.” you confessed. “Sorry for crying on you.”

“It’s okay.” he said and you felt him looking at you. You were staring at the floor, still embarrassed. “I don’t mind. Thank you for trusting me to hold you.”

You looked up. Shocked that he saw that moment like that. He didn’t say it in a mocking tone, but so honest, soft, that it gave you chills and made you feel special.

“You’re welcome? I don’t know what to say.” You confessed and he chuckled.

“Don’t worry. Just, so you know… I’m here.”

When you got home, you took your shower and just laid in bed. You told your family you didn’t feel like eating and that you were too tired, but you just wanted to sleep. You opened your phone and went to MIna’s chat.

y/n: today was a bad day :( y/n: the girls at college just always push me aside y/n: i don’t know if its my fault tbh y/n: i really miss you y/n: i feel so pathetic sometimes, but idk y/n: we havent talked much :( y/n: i know we are basically on exam season but i miss you y/n: sorry im just sad and i get clingy y/n: have a good day Minaa ily

When Jay meant he was there for you, he indeed meant it. For the next three weeks after your breakdown, you decided to open up more with him, and he did so, too. You’d tell a bit about each other, not just your sad parts, but how you enjoyed books, and Jay would tell you how he liked to play the guitar. You’d complain about your class and he’d do the same, building a small net of knowledge of each other in your minds.

“You don’t host parties anymore?” You asked one day as you both were on the bus.

“I don’t need to, anymore.” He said. “I never enjoyed them.”

“They are too loud.” You said, agreeing with him. “When you had parties I would be very…” you paused trying to look for the words.

“Angry?”

“No, I would get dysregulated.” You confessed, feeling a bit exposed, but after all you started to become friends, right? And maybe you did like him a bit, but that was not the point. Even if not many people knew how sensible you were to some things, you wanted Jay to understand you. “I’m not saying it to make you feel bad.”

“But… how so? Dysregulated as…?” he looked confused.

“Palpitations, panic attacks, all that. It sounds extreme but for my brain sometimes small things are too big.” you confessed, suddenly feeling small. “So everytime I would wear noise cancelling headphones, or just go and ask for you to stop.”

“I… didn’t know.” he said, looking at the floor, totally still.

“It’s okay… you didn’t have to” you chuckled.

“Y/N, I am so sorry.” he looked at you with a worried expression. “I am so fucking sorry.”

“Why?” You were confused by his reaction, he looked guilty and genuinely sorry at the same time. BUt what was he sorry for? For you being “weird”? Maybe he was apologizing because you felt too much? Maybe he did think you were weird after all, maybe you shouldn’t have to talk to him.

“I… organized those parties because I realized you would come by to hush, and I would see you, and I thought it would give me a topic to chat with you, but I didn’t know they affected you.” he started explaining fast. “I did it because I wanted to see you and apologize and talk to you but I never thought… fuck, I’m an idiot.”

“Wait… you wanted to see me?” you looked at him. Jay looked genuinely apologetic and conflicted.

“I did! I do, I mean… I always thought you were very pretty, and when my parents would talk about you, I wanted to get to know you, but I didn’t know how to approach you.”

“Talking to me wasn’t an option?” You tried to joke, sensing his anguish, but not knowing how to stop it.

“It was! I mean, I am really sorry.” He held your hand in his. “I apologize.”

“You… thought I was pretty?” You asked, catching up to what he was saying. “Is this like a confession?”

“If you want it to be, it can be.” He nodded quickly. “And I still think you are very pretty, breathtakingly beautiful.”

“Don’t say nonsense.” You pushed him softly and he shook his head.

“I’m serious.”

Jay and you started to move through quiet interactions. He was more straightforward, telling you how pretty you looked, or sometimes waiting for you at the bus stop of your college so you’d ride the same bus back home. He was inserting himself into your routine step by step, and you didn’t mind it. He seemed to understand you. When things got overwhelming, he’d show up and take you for a walk around the block so you’d clear your head. Your parents invited him for dinner once and he appeared with flowers and a small pie he said he baked. So when your birthday came, you were expecting a bit to see if he’d still show up.

“Happy birthday.” he said outside your door. He had a pink bag, a bouquet of flowers and a balloon that said birthday girl.

“For me?” you asked, touched that he was doing that for you.

“I don’t see any other pretty girl whose birthday is today.” He handed you the bouquet of pink flowers and your gift. “Happy birthday, Y/N.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Of course I did, I have to show you I am boyfriend material and you deserve the best.” He said as a matter of fact.

You blushed but tried to ignore his comment, maybe he just said boyfriend material for everyone? But that day was your birthday, you allowed yourself to think he wanted to be your boyfriend, because you’d be lying if you said your crush on him wasn’t growing bigger and bigger each day.

“I have a class today, but I will see you later?” he said looking down at you and you nodded. He bent, kissed your forehead. “See you.”

When you went inside, you gave the day to yourself. You didn’t have classes, but the rest of your family had things to do, work and school, so you were happy you’d be home alone. You laid on your bed and watched reruns of any tv show you could find on the TV.

You looked at your phone, and Mina still hadn’t written anything. She was one of the first people to congratulate you, but it was radio silence from her. You really tried not to think too much about it, but what if she had forgotten? You didn’t want to remind her that it was your birthday, but… what if she…

You had to stop those thoughts, and your parents arrived just in time to have lunch with you. They ordered your favorite food, and while you chatted and ate, your dad took out a bag out of the closet. They had hidden your gift there. You laughed as you hugged them, and they received it with a smile on their faces. You did love gifts, you couldn’t lie.

You opened it fast, and took out the box from the paper bag. It was a new laptop.

“You… didn’t have to.”

“We knew yours was old, and you were saving for a new one.” Your dad shrugged and gave you a smile.

“I brought you something too.” your sibling handed to you some books that you were eying. “I hope you like them.” They just smiled, you didn’t expect a hug or smile from them, so they just fist bumped you. Teenagers were weird but you’d take what they gave.

You were so happy to be around your family. And the afternoon just got better, you watched a movie together, but that didn’t stop you from checking your phone every few minutes. Mina hadn’t uttered a word through text.

At exactly five pm, your doll bell rang. Your sibling went up to get it, and when they opened the door the just screamed:

“Y/N, it’s for you!” you jumped out of the couch.

Probably it was Mina, could it be? She did like surprises a lot, and maybe that was the reason why she had ignored you for the past days, so you’d be shocked, so you opened the door ready to see your best friend, but she wasn’t there.

It was Jay.

“Oh, hi.” you said, trying to mask your disappointment, but you were still happy to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“I am here to take you out.” He pointed to his car.

“But I’m not even dressed up. I’m still in my pajamas.” You looked down at your outfit.

“You look perfect, but if you want, you can change and I’ll wait here.” he said.

“No, just come in.” you moved and let everyone know that Jay would stay for a while

He walked into the living room and started chatting with your parents. You went upstairs quickly to change clothes and maybe do your make up, but to be honest, you didn’t feel much excitement to wear make up. So you settled for a cute outfit that made you feel pretty, after all it was your birthday, and you deserved to feel pretty.

“I’m ready, I tried to be as fast as possible.” You announced, putting your coat on.

“Let’s go.” Jay said, smiling and getting up from the couch. Said his goodbyes to your parents, as charming as always and you both walked out of the door.

The ride to the coffee shop, where Jay was taking you, was quiet. You had your mind set on your best friend, wondering why she hadn’t called or texted you yet, but you had Jay next to you. It felt unfair to him to be focused on a problem when he was literally driving with you because he wanted to celebrate your birthday with you.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I am.” you said fast.

“You are thinking very loud.”

“It’s just, you remember my best friend, MIna?” you started explaining. He nodded. “She hasn’t said anything to me.”

“No?”

“I don’t know, the other day I asked her if she’d be home for her mom’s birthday, it’s tomorrow, so I assumed she’d probably be in town, but she said she had too much homework and wouldn’t travel” you sighed.

“Has she said something to you that made you feel weird?” He asked, following the conversation.

“That’s the thing! She hasn’t said anything.” you tried to ignore the lump in your throat, as you felt your thoughts eating you on the inside, but you took deep breaths to calm down. “I’m sorry, I’m a bummer.”

“Never.” he held your hand, and parked in front of the coffee shop.

You looked at the outside of it, and it was gorgeous. It had a lot of flower decorations around the door, and a big window that showed the inside. A few people were sitting, under the soft glow of the lamps and the creamy walls. The baristas were moving around, and it felt cozy.

Jay opened the door for you and you smiled at him. You both sat at a table at the end of the coffee shop, and started looking at the menu.

“Do you want a latte?” he looked at you smiling. You nodded. When the waiter came and took your order, Jay held your hand on top of the table as you kept staring at your phone “Hey.”

“Sorry.” You looked down, but he just brushed your knuckles with his hand.

“I get it, but… I really don’t want you to be sad and if—”

You stopped paying attention to his words when the door opened and your best friend walked in. Laughing with another girl, who you knew as her other friend, Joon. Your attitude instantly changed when you recognized her, and Jay noticed that. He looked at the door and muttered:

“Fuck.” he tightened the grip of his hand on yours. “You want to go?”

“I… yeah” you said, your eyes filling with tears. “I mean… what am I supposed to do?”

“You could go say hi to her, and maybe she has an explanation?” he said and sighs, realizing that there was not a single good side to the story. “I really don’t know, but whatever you do, I support you.”

“I’ll just go say hi, and… maybe—” you lifted your shoulders. “Then we can go?”

“Of course.” He started to get up and grab his jacket. You walked quickly, forgetting your coat. Jay took it for you, and walked behind you slowly, giving you as much space as he could.

You touched her shoulder.

“Mina, hi.” you said and her face dropped.

She knew she had lied to you by saying she wasn’t going to come to her mom’s birthday because she was too busy, and that you had caught her. She had her phone right next to her, and she always did, so you realized she was blatantly ignoring the messages you had been sending to her for the past month. You saw the discomfort on her face.

“Y/N…” she looked at her other friend, who looked as equally uncomfortable as Mina did. “This is my best friend, Joon.”

“You said you wouldn’t be in town.” you said, suddenly feeling small.

“I… yeah, I know.” she said, suddenly her features became cold.

You felt Jay’s hand around your waist, you nodded to him and he directed you towards the door. You felt his arm around your waist starting to draw soothing circles on your side, while you just stood numb.

“She didn’t just forget my birthday, she lied to me and she… Jay, is it bad that I feel replaced that she called best friend her other friend?” you said quickly as you got into the car and Jay drove. “I know people have more than one best friend, but… She always complained that the Joon girl called her spoiled, or mocked her for her money, and there she goes and hangs out with her, on my birthday!”

Jay just listened to you.

“I’m… so mad. I’m not even sad. I mean, I am so sad, but I don't know.” you sighed and let your head fall back on the seat.

“It’s okay.” He looked at you at a red light, and held your hand, you had started to fidget with them, and apparently he had picked up on that habit of yours. “I'd be hella pissed too, so you are not alone. I am even pissed and I don’t know the girl.”

You chuckled sadly.

“You wanna go home?” he asked.

“I have coupons for a drive through." you offered softly, still feeling bad that you ruined his plan.

“Save them, I pay the drive through.”

You both ate in his car, in silence. He didn’t try to make any conversation, and you didn’t feel like talking. You didn’t feel like crying either, you were angry and felt lied to. She hadn’t even texted, and you really wanted to turn off your phone.

“Thank you.” you said, turning to Jay. “Really, for tonight and for everything.”

“Always here for you, told you.”

When you got home, you did your routine, but went to Mina’s chat to see if there was ever a sign that made you understand why she acted the way she did, but the chat was mostly your messages, you were about to leave the chat, when you saw the bubble on her side appearing. Maybe she was going to apologize and wish you happy birthday, you really did hope so.

mina: to be honest i have been ignoring your messages mina: you just tire me sometimes mina: you became so clingy and its exhausting mina: you act all jealous like wth mina: i mean we can still be in touch on ig mina: and answers each other's stories but mina: don’t expect me to text you much mina: i have a lot of exams now and i dont have time for you mina: so we can still stay in contact mina: just dont expect me to answer

You stared at your phone, frozen. You felt every part of your body touching the covers of your bed, you felt how your hair prickled your neck and even how each tear followed a path that ended on your neck. You weren’t able to move, you weren’t able to breathe. You were just rereading the cold words that someone you called best friend said to you.

You just texted back:

y/n: im sorry i ever made you feel that way y/n: making you feel bad was the last thing i ever wanted to do y/n: because i really love you so much y/n: and i apologize if i made you feel bad

You closed the messages app and turned off your phone. You looked at the calendar for the next day, you had a day packed with classes, but you knew you’d stay in bed. You hid your phone in a drawer and went to sleep, crying in silence.

Was that how you just ended the friendship that made you believe you weren’t too much? The only persona that ever made you feel special said you tire her, the one person who you had gone to war for literally iced you out. You loved her so much, but you weren’t going to beg for a friendship and you weren’t going to accept, not even half of her friendship. You weren’t going to wait around for her, not after she used your insecurities against you.

You woke up to your doorbell ringing. You had no clue what time it was, you just remember someone coming into your room to ask you if you were going to class and you just lied and said that your teachers had cancelled most of your classes. The doorbell didn’t stop ringing, so you went and saw through the camera a very worried Jay.

You quickly went and opened the door.

“Hey” you said but you realized your voice sounded weak.

“What happened?” he said, holding your arms. “Did something else happen with your friend?”

You were too stunned by the doorbell that you didn’t even process why you hadn’t gone to classes, and why you suddenly felt too sad to explain what had happened to Jay. You weakly nodded and moved to the side to let him in.

“What the fuck?” he said looking shocked at your phone. “That… Sorry, I can’t say that, but—” he scooted closer. Held your hands and looked at you in the eyes. “Do you know you are nothing of the shit she tells you?”

“Am I?” you didn’t feel so sure after what she said. After the person you trusted the most told you how you were, were you supposed to not believe her?

“Of course!” he grabbed your face in his hands, softly. “I swear, she’s nuts, like she has a problem. You are perfect, and she should have felt lucky that you called her best friend. Fuck, she should feel lucky that she had you in her life.”

Your tears started to fall.

“You are perfect, Y/N. Not because she says it is true, she is just a shitty person now, and you are too good for her. Really, you are too good, too pure for this world. Hell, no one deserves to be in your presence.”

“You’re just saying things, Jay.” You tried to stop blushing, but you also tried to stop crying.

“I am not, I try to be deserving of your presence as much as I can, and she had it and wasted it. You don’t deserve people like that in your life. I’m so sorry for all of this, if I could make it better I would.”

You just went and launched on top of him, giving him a hug. Apparently that had become a habit when you were crying, but he received you with open arms and buried his head on the crook of your neck. You both laid back on the couch, and he made sure you were comfortable, while still holding you. You cried on his shoulder and he never stopped you, just kissed your head, and rubbed your back to sooth you, trying to make you feel safe. Eventually, you fell asleep on him, and he just let you stay still. Not moving an inch, and being thankful you trusted him enough to let him hold you when you were vulnerable.

Days passed and that was the last conversation you two had. You felt like you needed closure, but not having it also felt like one. You felt sad most days, except for when you walked with Jay or spent time with him, which made you fall for him more and more.

He never pushed, he never complained, he gave you your time and space, and you really appreciated him for that. You had your doubts and insecurities about if he’d leave, but you started to shut them up. And the first step was telling him how you felt.

After lunch, you went to his house and knocked. His mom opened and smiled at you.

“You look gorgeous, honey! It’s been so long!” she hugged you with a smile on her face. “Jay has been talking about you non-stop.”

“Really?” you asked amused, and a bit shy, and she nodded, happy. “I… actually wanted to see if he’s home.”

“Yes, darling.” She moved to the side and made a gesture so you’d get in. “He’s in his room. Right door on the second floor.”

You thanked her and went up the stairs without taking a look around the house. You didn’t want to seem noisy in front of Jay’s mom, but on the stairs there were some pictures of Jay as a kid and teenager, so you looked at them quickly with a smile on your face. You stood in front of his door, that was ajar. You peeked your head a bit to see if it actually was his room and his backpack on the floor confirmed that.

You still softly knocked on the door.

“Come in!” he screamed.

“Hi.” you said fully opening the door. He stood up so fast that you laughed at his shocked reaction. “Sorry for coming without telling you.”

“No! I mean… don’t apologize.” he said, coming up to kiss you on the cheek. “But… what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to tell you something.” He nodded and grabbed your hand so you’d sit on his bed with him. “I…” you looked at him with hope in your eyes, he still was holding your hand, and you really hope you didn’t mis-read his signs “I really like you, and I wanted you to know.”

He stood frozen, his eyes fixed on you and his mouth hanging open. Maybe you had misread everything.

“If you don’t like me, it’s fine. I just really wanted you to know.”

“Not like you? Are you out of your mind?” He placed some hair behind your ear. “I’m head over heels for you, Y/N.”

“Really?” He nodded, smiling.

“Of course I am, I tried to be as obvious as possible, but I didn’t want to push you. I wanted you to realize on your own your feelings, even if they weren’t the same as mine, but I really like you.”

“You do?”

“Yes, of course.” He hugged me tightly. “God, I am so happy, I could kiss you.” He froze and moved back from the hug, but not moving his arms that still stayed around you. “I mean, I don’t… I do want to but if you don’t… I am okay.”

You chuckled and grabbed his face, placed a small peck on his lips and he smiled. He went and kissed you deeper making you fall backwards on the bed, laughing. When you both separated to breathe, he started kissing you loudly, your cheeks, your eyes and your forehead tickling you.

“Be my girlfriend, please.” He said. “I’ll beg if I have to.”

You laughed and nodded.

“Yes, I will.” you answered and he grabbed you and turned you around so you’d stay on top of him. “Jay!”

“I’m so happy I could kiss you.” He said again. “And as your boyfriend, I can kiss you whenever I want.” he said and kissed you again, softly.

When you were in your last class of the day, a classmate you had gotten closer to, Anna, sat next to you while you both took notes. Waiting for the class to end, both of you were sharing a package of cookies that was almost empty. For when the teacher dismissed all of you, the cookies disappeared and you both stood up saving your stuff in your bags.

“I have to go to my next class, are you heading home?” Anna asked you, walking together towards the door of the class. You nodded, smiling. “Gosh, you’re so lucky.”

“Have a good class.” You waved at her and went your separate ways.

You placed your scarf around your neck as you saw someone coming towards you quickly and grabbing you. You looked at them scared and hit their arm, after recognizing them.

“You scared me. How are you here?” you said smiling and hugging him.

“Can’t a guy surprise his beautiful girlfriend?” he said, holding your hand and grabbing your bag. “Your university is big, so I had to ask people how to get to your faculty.”

“I know, but you get used to it.” You smiled at him. “You really came? Why?”

“No reason, I wanted to see you and pick you up.” he stopped to give you a quick peck on the lips.

“But…”

“Accept my love and devotion for you, okay?” he kissed your cheek and you blushed. “Are you blushing?”

“Shut up.” You looked to the ground, avoiding his gaze

“Months together and you still blush even when—”

“Shut up.” You hit his arm softly and he laughs.

“Let’s go home?” he suggested, now hugging you by the waist, pulling you closer, even while walking. You nodded, you really wanted to sleep "Can I stay at yours?”

“You literally live next door.”

“You always say that but end up agreeing.” he kissed your cheek and you both walked out of the building into the cold air. Together.

TAGLIST: @svtenfate thank you so much for joining the taglist <3 if you want to join, send me an ask!

[rinaliteracy]

YOU'RE THE MOON, I'M THE SEA

pairing: nonidol!jake x afab!reader genre: fluff, angst, college au wc: 7K summary: Sim Jake was not who you'd say was your favorite person on college, but boy did he know how to make someone grow fond of him quickly. Between classes, study sessions and small acts, you started to question yourself, but one thing was for sure. He had that boyish charm of his that made the campus fall for him.

You knew Sim Jake’s reputation, of course you did. It was hard to miss how he would be talked about around, how girls wished to hook-up with him and how some boys wished they’d had the game Jake had. Your friends would go to parties, and just tell you the gossip, which was fun. YOu loved hearing stories about people you didn’t know and gossiping about them. It was college and you didn’t harm anyone.

You knew things were odd when he approached you. You didn’t have common circles, you had seen him probably three times in your life, just passing by, but in your third year of college, you had to share one class. A literature class.

You were skilled there, it was part of your “thing”, so you knew your girl friends wouldn’t want to take that optional class with you, but you were okay. You assumed you’d walk in by yourself, but Sunoo said he had taken the same class, and that he didn’t want to stay a loner, so he’d just stick to you. Which he did.

The first two classes were just Sunoo and you. You’d share a coffee together while you waited for your next class, just as you had done the semesters before with your groups. It was beginning to be an uneventful first week, until the third class one day a guy sat next to Sunoo.

He dropped his backpack on the table, took his ipad out and with his hoodie still up.

“What are you doing here?” Sunoo dropped when the guy sat next to him. “Since when you take these classes?”

“Since I needed the credits.” he said and laid back on the chair. “Hi, I’m Jake.” he saluted you with two fingers and smiled.

“Don’t talk to her, you’re all… did you even sleep? Did you shower?” Sunoo said and scolded Jake. “Don’t tell me.”

“Don’t ask what you don’t want to know.” Jake chuckled.

That was how the next weeks would go, Jake would make jokes, Sunoo would politely laugh and shush him. He was his friend, you had learned one day, as Sunoo told you they both went to high school together, but Jake took other classes and other lifestyle, but they both hung out and had a soft spot for each other. Sometimes when Jake would talk too loud, Sunoo would shush him with a slap on his arm.

The bickering between them seemed funny and familiar, so sometimes you’d chuckle, and fe Jake look at you. The first time you crossed looks with him, you quickly understood why he was so popular. The guy was very handsome and charming, but a menace. Overall, he was nice.

“I prefer physics” he said one time as you three were chatting, Jake said he wanted to join you to one of your coffees. THen, you three were in a corner of the coffee shop, quietly listening to each other. “I like to think everything has an explanation, I’m not that good at getting deep and in my feelings.”

“You don’t need to think deeply. You are a bit dumb for that, aren’t you” Sunoo said jokingly and Jake pushed him softly. “There are many types of literature. You strike me as a sci-fi guy, right Y/n?”

“Not my style.” Jake said before you could answer. “But it’s kinda fun being here. You are fun to hang around with.”

You didn’t even speak to him, so you were sure he didn’t mean you, but you took the compliment and saved it. You’d like to think someone was saying you were fun.

The first day Sunoo got sick and couldn’t attend class, he texted you.

sunoo: got the flu

sunoo: good luck with jake

sunoo: don’t kill him plss

sunoo: just tell me, and i’ll do it

Jake sat next to you, and he was surprisingly nice and quiet. He took out of his backpack a paper bag, and explained he bought you a muffin. You looked at him confused, you didn’t have anything to give him back, and he just chuckled.

“It's a gift. For tolerating my bad jokes.” he sat the muffin next to your laptop and smiled. “I like to bother Sunoo, in high school we were kinda close.”

“He told me.” you said, grabbing a bite of the muffin. It was chocolate chips. “You want a bit?”

“Nah, it’s for you.”

After that he didn't become your favorite person, but you understood better why people loved him. Sometimes he would come with eyebags, saying that he partied until five am, that he was hanging with his “mates” or he was having fun. Those probably were codes to: I was hooking up, but soon you learnt he meant he was playing games until late. The guy had layers, and you were surprised to see him like that.

The second time Sunoo got sick, he texted you that he’d be missing for a week because he had gotten a very bad fever. It was four months into the semester, but your interactions with Jake were not enough for you to be alone with him again. The last time the muffin saved you, but being stranded with Sim Jake without any backup and intermediate to navigate your interactions with him, whether it was Sunoo or a muffin, had you a bit nervous.

When you got to the class, thirty minutes early, Jake was already there.

“Hi!” He said smiling. “I saved you your spot” he pointed to the chair he was now next to. IN Sunoo’s usual spot.

He moved his backpack out of the chair so you’d sit in your favorite seat of the class. the one next to the hallway, on the seventh row, seventh step of the class. Where the light of the window at your right fell just right on the classroom, especially since it was always cloudy, and you could see the teacher and the board clearly. No lights bothering you, or the powerpoint presentation the teacher worked with. Your favorite spot was one of the things you loved about these classes. Not many people were around in that class, but you thought it was sweet that Jake thought of you.

“Thank you.” You sat. Place your laptop out and your coffee on the desk. “I have cookies, do you want some?” You opened the package of cookies and offered him one.

“These are my favorites. Thank you.” He took one and ate it. “You seem to really like the course.” He said while cleaning his mouth with the back of his arm. “I admire that.”

“Really? Thank you” you smiled softly at him. “I do enjoy it a lot, I’m happy this was an optative course, it wasn’t available for me if it weren’t for that.”

“Is this your major?” You nodded. “Mine is Physics, with a minor in Engineering.”

“I know, I heard when you talk about it.” You admitted. “You seem passionate about it.”

“I am.” he said happily. “I really enjoy it. I’m good at maths.”

“I guess you should be, it has a lot of math, right?” you looked at him. He was looking at you, with his chin in the palm of his hand. He really was good at keeping someone hooked, so you just looked away. “How do you take notes there?”

“I just take it on the ipad but with the pencil.” He opened his ipad on the desk. A black wallpaper welcomed him on both screens and he opened his notes app. “It looks messy, but I understand it”

He went through his digital notebook and in fact it was messy but neat. He would have different colors and a lot of numbers, letters and diagrams, written texts everywhere around the page but everything with a clear handwriting. There would be a small drawing in some pages but it looked very him.

“It looks very… studious” You chuckled.

“I try.” he admitted and locked the screen. “It’s harder for me to take notes here. The teacher speaks very fast.”

You kept the small talk until those free thirty minutes passed and the teacher walked in to start the class.

The next few weeks, even when Sunoo came back, the chats would be like that. Sunoo would arrive just in time, but Jake would be there early, and so would you, so you had a few minutes to chat, just you two. You’d feel his gaze in some moments during the class, you’d try to ignore it, but you’d eventually look at him and give him a soft smile, to which his cheek would flush a bit. You didn’t think much of it, but at one point it did become a bit difficult to not get nervous and even expectant of him and his presence.

“Hello, what are you doing here?” he said as he found you in the library. “It’s almost ten, shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“Shouldn’t you be at a party? “ you blurted without thinking, you turned red. “Sorry, that was…”

He just laughed as if it was a hilarious joke. Not a malice on that laugh.

“So you are not immune to the words around.” Jake said, confirming, but still, no bitterness. He pointed to the chair in front of you. “Can I sit there?”

You nodded, apologetic.

“I have ears” you stated quietly, still embarrassed by that slip, but you kept typing, hoping he forgets it. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, rumors fly fast." He took all his supplies out of his backpack, and you noticed he had his glasses on this time. “I just want… wanted to have fun.” He chuckled.

You didn’t ignore the fact that he said wanted, in past tense. Maybe he decided to lock in with his studies instead of getting wasted in some frat house, or maybe he had settled down with a girlfriend… not that it bothered you, but it made you curious about the choice of words.

If he had a girlfriend, wouldn’t he be there with her, instead of studying? Maybe he just had a moment of quietness in his life and decided to not hook up. You couldn’t ask him, you didn’t want to give him a wrong impression that you wanted to hook up with him, you wouldn’t be able to hook up and forget him. Those thoughts became a lot more present after you spent time with him, and intensified when he was attentive with you, and of course very handsome.

“What are you studying?” he interrupted your thoughts.

“I’m working on an essay for a poetry class.” you answered and stopped typing as his gaze fell on you.

“Tell me about it.” He raised his eyebrows and looked at you.

“I don’t want to bore you.” you looked at the half finished paragraph you were working on. You had been stuck in that damn argument for the past thirty minutes, and Jake’s presence may have helped you to figure out how to redact what the moon and the sea represented on the poem, or totally block you.

“You never bore me, Y/N.” he said and pointed at the sheet of paper you had by your side. “Tell me. What’s that?”

Next to your laptop, the printed version of the poem you were analyzing was laying on the table. The paper was fully scribbled by, had highlighters of different colors in each line, annotations by the end of all the verses, and a colorful mess with all your thoughts and ideas about your favorite Emily Dickinson’s poem in her whole collection. It was a bit wrinkled as you had been using it for the past week every free minute you had.

“It’s a poem by Emily Dickinson” You explained as you handed him the piece of paper and his eyes wandered through the page slowly, reading everything, and he seemed to be appreciating everything you had written there. “It’s my favorite poem, so I wanted to analyze it.”

“I have never heard of her.” He admitted, with a note of amazement on his voice. Not a condescending tone of “what the hell is this” that you usually get from people who would criticize your major, but Jake's sentence, as short as it was, it felt as if he was wondered by a new piece of knowledge he didn’t have.”It's very pretty. I don’t know how to analyze them, but they seem very beautiful. Your thoughts… I like them.”

He gave you back the page. The poem that inspired you to write that essay, the one that always made you feel giddy and how you wished love to be for you, the one that you spent annotating and analyzing was read by Jake. That did make you feel a weird pit on your stomach, but you didn’t have time for that. For him.

You received the piece of paper and looked at it again.

The moon is distant from the sea,

And yet with amber hands

She leads him, docile as a boy,

Along appointed sands.

He never misses a degree;

Obedient to her eye,

He comes just so far toward the town,

Just so far goes away.

Oh, Signor, thine the amber hand,

And mine the distant sea, —

Obedient to the least command

Thine eyes impose on me.

“Thanks, means a lot.” You admitted. “What do you have to study? Do you want to do some pomodoros with me?”

“That of studying twenty-five and resting five?” He asked. You nodded, and he smiled. “Okay, let’s try it.”

That was how for two hours you fell into a comfortable silence, you’d take your headphones off sometimes to write some sentences in total silence that the library would give at twelve pm, and you’d hear him scribble on a sheet of paper, full of numbers, next to him with some highlighters he had asked to borrow. You had small chats in those five minutes of rest, and then each of you would come back to your own stuff.

A few minutes after midnight you started to feel your eyes heavy, but you were finishing the essay. The next five minutes of rest, you let Jake know you’d rest your eyes for a few minutes. He said you should head to your dorm to sleep, but you just shook your head.

“Just wake me when the break is over.” You said sleepy with your head resting on top of your crossed arms on the table.

After a few minutes, you moved. You had a hoodie covering your shoulders, and a scarf that was set as a pillow under your head that was now sideways on the table. It smelled fresh, mint-like with a bit of fabric softener scent that you loved. You moved your head and looked at Jake through your half-lidded eyes and he was smiling warmly at you.

“I put my scarf as a pillow, I didn’t want your face to be cold.” He admitted when he saw you open your eyes.

“Thanks” you mumbled a bit tired. His hoodie was warm, and you didn’t want to get rid of it, but you took it off your shoulders and handed it to him. “Thank you, it smells good.”

You froze.

“Well, thanks” he chuckled. “Keep it on your shoulders, you’ll get the cold air once you leave, and you were warm, I hope. Don’t want you to get sick.”

At one, you both walked to your dorms, that were very close to each other for your liking. So the whole walk there you had to be next to him, which was starting to mess with your head in ways you didn’t want to think about. Especially, when he insisted on leaving you at the door of the dorms and that you keep his hoodie on. You accepted because it was getting colder, but insisted on him keeping his scarf, even though you had loved the smell and the softness of the fabric.

You bid your goodbyes and when you got to your dorm, you knew you had to shower, so with the little energy you had left you hopped into the small shower your dorm had, you are thankful for it everyday and for not having to share the community ones.

A knock on your door made you stop when you were getting into bed, and you took a peep to see Wonyoung outside. You opened the door and she sat on your bed.

“Where the hell were you?” she said scolding you. “I was so worried.”

“I told you I’d be at the library.” You got into bed. You saw she was also in her pajamas, so you moved for her to lay next to you. “I stayed there, we were studying.”

You closed your eyes on your pillow and Wonyoung shifted.

“Were, with who?” she inquired. “Sunoo literally texted me that he was ready to fall asleep and he was complaining that i hadn’t given them those medicube sheet masks.”

“I was with Jake.” YOu told her. “He’s a great study buddy, actually.” she chuckled and tickled you. “What the hell?”

“You and Jake?” she joked. “Don’t… I mean do if you want but… careful, you know?”

“It’s nothing” you pushed her and she pushed you back laughing. “Can you turn the light off?” you asked, already fully covered with your blankets.

“Can I stay here, your heated blanket is amazing.” she mumbled, getting comfortable and turning the lights off. You hummed and she let a happy squeak. “Good night.”

“You like Jake” Jungwon stated when you told him that you had been studying with Jake until late. You cursed at yourself when you dropped it, why did you feel the need to share that? Why did it make you feel happy? Jungwon smirked when he saw your face of regret after telling him. “Maybe not like, as if you love him, but a crush? Definitely."

“I… don’t know. He just in general, doesn’t do things like I do.” you admitted stirring the moccachino you had on your hand.

“You mean he’s a hooking-up machine?” he said bluntly. You widened your eyes and looked at him. You chuckled a bit, but… basically it was that.

“I wouldn’t put it like that, but yeah.” You sipped your coffee, and the warmth calmed you a bit. “I don’t even think he likes me, and I don’t want to be caught up with a guy that doesn’t care about me.”

“I know, and I admire that for you. But you might get surprised, just maybe let it marinate.” You frowned, confused. “Just hangout with him, and maybe you fall for him or get the ick.” Jungwon said as if it was the most simple thing in the world. “Besides Sunoo said he thought you two looked good together, but told me not to tell you.”

It was something Sunoo would say. You exchanged a lot of romantic novels with him, but after all, Sunoo was closer to Jake, maybe he had some truth to it.

“I think you’d make a cute couple. It’s kind of romantic that you read poems together. I would even fall for him if that happened, like, that’s some wattpad shit.” Jungwon admitted.

“You’re delusional.” You said and laughed.

Chatting with Jungwon always felt like a breath of fresh air. As he had a friend that was a barista at the cafe shop on campus, you’d always get discounts and weekly hangouts before your poetry class together, usually Sunoo would be there too, but that day he said he was running late, and that he’d meet you at the classroom.

“We are going to be late, and we need to save our spots.” Jungwon said. You both cleared the table and walked out into the cold air.

As you walked to the building where your class was held, you saw Jake walk past you with some of his friends. The other two guys kept walking, but Jake went up to you and smiled, he gave you a small side hug and nodded to Jungwon.

“All good?” Jake greeted you. Looked both at JUngwon and you, but his eyes were placed on you the rest of the time. “What’s your next class?”

“We have poetry. Yours?” you said softly.

“Electrodynamics” he said with a sigh. “See you around?”

You nodded and he gave a quick squeeze to your arm and waved quickly at Jungwon as he joined his friends again quickly.

“He likes you a lot.” Jungwon stated. “And you do too. I’ll break the news to Sunoo, he’ll be happy.” You scoffed but deep down, you really hoped Jake and you shared the same feelings.

On the way to Electrodynamics were Jake, Sunghoon and Jay. After Jake went to say hi to you and joined the guys again, the next steps were quiet until Sunghoon mocked Jake.

“So that’s your girlfriend." Sunghoon dropped and Jay laughed loudly.

“She’s not” Jake said quickly. Feeling his cheeks flush. He adjusted the strap of his backpack. The guys laughed, completely enjoying seeing Jake whipped and with his cheeks reddened.

“She’s cute.” Jay said, as if giving Jake his blessing. Jake looked at Jay so quickly he should have gotten a whiplash. Jay raised his hands. “Not my type. But you two look good.”

“Shut up.” Jake hushed them quickly. “Don’t… mention it.”

“What?” Sunghoon mocked Jake. Not dropping the topic of seeing his friend finally having a crush. “The fact that you have feelings for a girl? I always thought you’d die alone, well not alone but never with a girlfriend.”

“Things changed for our Jake” Jay said, putting his arm around Jake and palming his shoulder. “You should tell her.”

“I will. Not now… I'll think about it, somehow. I’m new to this” he admitted and the guys laughed. “You motherfuckers.”

“We root for you, man.” Sunghoon said. “Now, let’s enjoy class and try not to think about your girlfriend for a few minutes.”

“Shut up.” Jake said, and the two guys couldn’t stop laughing. Jake was getting redder and redder, but he didn’t really mind hearing your name.

That small game of Jake not being subtle with flirting and you pretending to not notice went for a few weeks more. You didn't know what you two were expecting for to happen so someone would finally break, but you knew how those stories ended, usually on nothing.

You respected Jake, but every time you thought about the fact that he did have more experience in the love and romantic field than you did, your stomach harbored knots and you’d force yourself to let it go. Things happen for a reason, and if Jake’s story and yours had to end in a similar way the romance stories in your books ended, learning in a traumatic way that you were a bet, that he was using you for class or seeing him kiss with someone at a party, you’d accept it.

You had given up on your head calming down, so you just went to bed. stopped writing a long essay you had to finish in less than three days, but you needed a rest. That didn’t come, as your friends, a few hours into your slumber, rang your phone.

They needed a ride back to the dorms from a frat-ass party they attended, you sighed. You did love them, so you got up and followed Wonyoung’s instructions.

“Type my code into my dorm, and my keys are next to my desk” she said softly, she wasn’t drunk, but you knew she wasn’t sober, that was why her car keys were on a small plate, with a cute keychain attached to them.

You were still in your pajamas, your plan was just to ring them, tell them to get in and drive back to the dorms, but when you parked nearly at the entrance of the address WOnyoung sent you, you just saw Yujin sat on the grass, on top of her jacket. You parked and called her name.

“You came!” you helped her up by grabbing her han. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get drunk. It was that brand of beer I love, the expensive one.” She grabbed her jacket, shook it and smiled at you.

“It's okay.” you said, not worrying her, and fixed her hair that was a bit messy. “Where’s Wonyoung and Liz?” Yujin pointed at the door of the frat house.

“Liz started feeling bad, so she might need help.”

“Can you wait for me here?” You looked around, but shook your head. “No, go to the car.” You unlocked it from a distance and Yujin walked into the backseat. Gave you a thumbs up, and you locked it. One girl down, you had to find the other two.

Inside the frat house, it smelled like beer, cheap, not like the one Yujin said, but the one that left a bitter smell in the air. That was completely mixed with weed, and sweat. It smelled horrible, and then you understood why, the floor had a lot of fluids there, someone might have spilled their drinks and no one cared to clean them.

Gross.

You walked past that puddle and on a couch Liz was sitting with her head on her hands, and Wonyoung next to her. You waved at them, and Liz lifted her head.

“Y/N!” Liz said loudly and smiled at you. “I thought you’d be studying.”

“I had to pick up sick people.” you helped Wonyoung get Liz up. “Let's go?”

“Can you bring me a glass of water?” Liz asked kindly. She looked pale, and probably had drunk something that made her sick.

“I have water on the car, let’s go.” You said helping her up. Some guy pushed you and apologized quickly, you didn’t know him, but still glared at him “Let’s go, Liz.”

You turned around and saw that a few feets from you, in what you assumed was the actual living room, a group of guys were gathered in a circle on the floor. You quickly scanned them, you probably wouldn’t know them, but there it was the one person you thought could be there but didn’t want to be.

Jake had a cup on his hand. He was sitting on the couch, while the rest were on the floor, with a bottle in the centre. Some girl was talking to him, but he was just drinking, with a bored expression. That was his attitude always? People did make it sound like he’d be hooking up in the middle of the room with people, but he just seemed bored.

The group started to clap, as one of the girls opposite to where Jake was got up. She was stumbling but Jake looked at her confused. She whispered something leaning closer to Jake, and blocking him totally from your vision. She went to grab his face and got closer. Jake’s eyes widened and pushed her aside.

“What the fuck?” he got up. “I’m done here.”

You looked at him, and as he was getting up he saw you too. He stood frozen and you gave him a small smile. He walked quickly to you, threw his cup somewhere and stood in front of you.

“I can explain, Y/N.” he rushed. “I don’t know what you saw but I can explain.”

You patted his arm to calm him down, what else could you do? Get jealous and make a scene? There was nothing between you two. It was weird seeing him there, but that’s how he was… and again, nothing had happened.

“It’s okay, there’s nothing to explain.” You let him know softly. He stood frozen as you felt Liz and Wonyoung shift behind you. “Good night, Jake.”

The ride back to the dorms was quiet. Yujin and Liz closed their eyes the whole ride back, just five minutes, so Liz complained when you woke her up, but was very helpful when you got her to her dorm. Yujin and Liz safe, Wonyoung said she’d go change and join you back at your room, and when you walked back, there she was. On your bed.

“I know it’s not his fault but you don’t play that game when you like someone, right?” she stated and looked at you.

“He’s a guy after all, it doesn’t matter. We were never… something.” You kicked your shoes, and took your hoodie off, and your joggers. “I didn’t bother getting out of my pajamas, sorry.”

You sat in bed next to her, and she smiled at you. Moved some hair out of your face and secured it with a clip you had on your nightstand.

“I was rooting for you two. He was way better than that guy you liked the first year.” She admitted.

“Oh god, don’t remind me.” You chuckled.

“I swear your taste is very weird.” Wonyoung chuckled. “You okay? I know party people can be a killer for you.”

“It’s fine, I’m-” you were interrupted.

A knock on your door made you two look at each other confused. It was past midnight, so probably one of the girls couldn’t sleep, or the drunkenness disappeared and needed company, or Liz had gotten sicker. You got up quickly and opened.

“What’s-”

Jake was in front of you. Panting, with his eyes glossy and some tears on his cheeks. You looked completely confused. He looked at you and his whole demeanor changed. He sighed and quickly stood up straight.

“I need to talk to you. I need to explain.”

“Jake, it’s okay.” you said.

“Just…” he started, but Wonyoung cut him off.

“Y/N” Wonyoung said. “I think it’s better I go. I’m just three dorms down, remember.” She explained and touched your shoulder.

That was a direct warning to Jake, that you were being watched over. Which was confirmed, as when Jake moved from the doorframe to let her pass, Wonyoung looked at Jake up and down and walked to her room.

“I didn’t know you were there. I didn’t…” He started as fast as words could go.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.” You said softly.

“I didn’t kiss her back, you saw me push her away? Tell me you did, right?” You nodded and he sighed and laid his head on the doorframe. He really seemed tense.

“Come in.” you invited him in and moved to the side. “Do you want tea?” you asked, turning your kettle on.

“Just… hear this and if you want, then I can come back.” he said, closing the door behind him. He stood in front of you, took your hands on his and looked down at you. “I didn’t kiss her, I haven’t kissed anyone in a long time, since I met you, and… please don’t… look, trust me, okay?” You nodded confused, the poor guy was at the verge of collapsing and you didn’t know what you were supposed to do.

“I… give me five minutes, ten tops and I’ll come back.” he said quickly, kissed your head and left your dorm.

You were left confused. He probably was drunk, or had an adrenaline rush, but you wouldn’t care. You did like Jake, but you didn’t want to lose sleep because of him. Probably he’d go somewhere else, so you just turned all your lights off, turned your heated blanket on, and laid on it.

Until someone knocked, again. That had to be one of the girls.

“I’m back.” Jake said, panting harder than before, but now with a bouquet of flowers.

“What the fuck are you doing with that?” you dropped, very , all sleepiness getting out of your system. You looked around the hallway and grabbed his hand and forced him inside. “How did they let you in, in the first place?”

“I told them I had to give this gift to my girlfriend, security loves love.” He smiled.

You frowned. Girlfriend?

“I don’t understand. Why are you here?”

“Because i want you to be my girlfriend." he handed you the bouquet “Not now, I mean I do, if you… This is not how I planned it, but I want you to be mine, or for me to be yours. However sounds best for you.”

You were still confused and grabbed the bouquet but you still were skeptical, he chuckled at seeing the confusion, and the turn of events in less than an hour had you a bit dizzy. The silence allowed Jake to continue his speech.

“I want to explain everything to you, I want you to be mad if you see me around some other girl. I want you to know that I will never touch someone else unless it’s you, and that since I first laid eyes on you I have tried to get you to fall for me.”

“Jake…”

“I’ll let you speak, but just… I like you, a lot. I really do.” He looked around the room. Grabbed softly the flowers and placed it on your desk, and came back and held your hands. “I planned to give this to you tomorrow, but that fuck-ass party, very stupid on my part, i was taking care of a friend, but, Y/N, everything is stupid if you’re not next to me.”

You chuckled and he smiled, less anxious and you could feel his eyes get warmer.

“This is not me officially asking you to be mine, but it’s an… I'll do it, probably in two days, so be prepared."

“Were you crying?” you wondered, touching his cheek that wasn’t wet but you swore you had a tear stain on them the first time you opened the door and he was there.

“I got scared I'd lose my chance, you make me sentimental.” He shrugged honest.

In less than twelve hours since you placed the flowers on a jar you found, Jake gave you all the updates of his day. He tracked the three dorms down from yours until he got to Wonyoung’s. He said she was confused but he explained that he really liked you, and if he could get her blessing, to which she did. He said he had to ask for Liz and Yujin’s dorm, and Wonyoung went and helped him, where he gave the same speech.

“Yujin was nice, but Liz threatened me. She is quite scary.” He finished his explanation while he ate his burger. “I’m just happy they’d be okay with this.” He moved his finger in between you two.

“This?” you asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Us.” he stated and set his burger down. “I really mean it, and when we finish this burger I'm going to ask if I can be your boyfriend.” he dropped that as if that was the most casual thing he’d ever say on a normal day. “Is that how you do it? I have never done this.”

“Me neither.” you chuckled and drank from your soda.

When you both were walking back to your dorm, he said he wanted to stop by the small creek the campus had, it was peaceful and almost totally hidden. You accepted, you had never paid total attention to it, so when he took your hand and walked you to the part where the sky looked beautiful, casting an orange glow onto the water, you smiled.

“I had never seen this place” you admitted as you sat on a bench that was placed in front of the creek. “It’s so peaceful.”

It was almost at the back of the campus where it started to mix with the hilly parts of the city. You had a higher view of the space, where you were able to appreciate everything. The buildings that you walked day by day next to, suddenly seemed picturesque. The dorms you could see a bit far away, in between other buildings seemed unique as they were surrounded with trees that gave the campus a look that made it seem like a park. Everything was so clear, no trees surrounding you, and the panoramic view made you feel quiet.

The creek was nothing big, a small thread of water that fell through the hill, but it was pretty to hear the water running and to observe how it caught the light of the sun.

“I know” he smiled and sat next to you, without letting go of your hand. “I didn’t know what you wanted to do, but the water looks pretty.” You nodded.

“How did you find it?” you asked, still looking around.

Maybe he had brought other girls here.

You tried to mask your anxiety, and keep your eyes moving before any sign would give your thought away, but he answered quickly.

“Sunoo jogs through this path, and he found it. Told me you could like it.” He shrugs and kept looking at you. “You have a face, You thought I had brought someone else here?” he mocked you and squeezed your hand.

“Shut up.” You turned your face to the other side, he just laughed.

“Nah, you’re the only one for me.” He confessed and you looked at him. “I was… it really shocked me, and everyone, to be honest, when I realized you had that much effect on me. I didn’t mind it, I still don’t. I like it, I like you.”

“I like you too.” you said softly.

He looked at you with a lopsided, satisfied smile.

“So… If I ask you to be my girlfriend, what would you say?” You shrug jokingly. “Then…” he kneeled in front of you. “Would you be my girlfriend? You literally got me on my knees for you.”

“I will.” You laughed and grabbed his shoulders. “Get up, your pants will get dirty.”

“Worth it for my girlfriend.” he mumbled, getting his face closer to you.

He cradled your face and kissed you softly. He used to his advance your hands on his shoulders and got closer to you with a sigh. You were happy, but the position was weird, and probably his knees hurt, so you moved back and chuckled when he had a small pout on his lips.

“Your knees will hurt, get up.” you said getting up and handing him a hand.

“But you will kiss me once I get up, right?”

The next weeks were a blur of going to classes, hanging out with Jake, studying and suddenly he would pull up, greet you with a kiss and study in front of you. On the last day of the shared class, Sunoo was still sitting in between you two.

“She was my friend first.” he augmented and Jake just complied. “Besides, you get to look at her the whole day.”

Sunoo pointed at Jake’s ipad on the table.

“Did you know I had never seen him set a wallpaper that wasn’t black?” Sunoo informed you, looking at Jake’s ipad lockscreen. Which was a picture of you two that he took out of surprise when you were walking back to the dorms after one of your study sessions, you wrapped on his scarf and doing a peace sign to the camera, while he kissed your temple. “You have him whipped.”

Months went by, almost a year and every time he reminded you why you two were together. Things were easy with him, and you fit in each other's lives, not only in college, but outside. You’d listen to his rambles about physics, he'd listen to yours about a book you read. You’d go to his house and his mom would talk with you for hours, so when Jake would go to yours, he’d talk with your mom about how wonderful you were and charm your family with his smile. You just made sense, to everyone around you, but especially to you.

One afternoon you were finishing an essay on your dorm. Your desk neatly organized, Jake laying on your bed, whining for you to come to sleep as it was almost midnight, but the moment he stopped talking, got up quickly and clutched next to you, you gave him your full attention.

“You okay?” you looked worried. He had his hand on your thigh, and was looking at his phone, shocked. “Jaeyun, you’re scaring me.”

He looked up quickly and smirked at you.

“I love when you call me that.” he tried to get up to kiss you, but you moved away. “But…”

“What happened?” You inquired and looked at his phone. Which he was squeezing hard on his free hand.

“Your dad… added me to the family group chat!” He got up, put the phone in front of you, and in fact, your closest family members were there, mom, dad, and now Jake’s contact was there too, his profile picture of a selfie he took of both of you on a sunny day. “It’s like he’s accepting me finally.”

“Dumbass, you scared me.” you pushed his shoulder. “And I lost my train of thought now.”

You reclined back on your chair and looked at him. He raised an eyebrow and winked. Stroke your hair, and you were a goner. You saved the draft and closed your laptop.

“Then come lay with me.” He kissed your forehead. “Please.”

You stood up and nodded and he quickly jumped in bed before you, opening the covers so you’d come in. You laid to his side and Jake sighed, content to finally have you close to him. He embraced you as he laid down the warm covers on top of you two

“Do you remember the poem of Emily Dickinson you showed me the first time we studied together?” he mumbled into your hair. “The one of the moon and the sea.”

“Yeah. You remember?” you locked back at him, surprised that he remembered that. He tucked some hairs behind your ear.

“Of course.” He kissed the top of your nose. “You’d be the moon, and I’d be the sea. I’m obedient to you.

You laughed loudly and pushed his chest.

“Dork” you looked at him. “I love you.” he laughed and hugged you tightly. “Why are you laughing?” you said seriously. And his chest vibrated with laughter.

“Because I’m happy my girlfriend loves me.” he kissed your head. “But I love you more, don’t forget it.”

Thank you for reading!

If you want to be on a taglist for my enhypen fics, send me an ask, and I will add you <3

[rinaliteracy]

When You're Ready - Lee Heeseung

Pairing: nonidol!heeseung x afab!reader. 

Genre: fluff, college!au, angst.

Wc: 4.9K

Summary: A weeding reunites long time crushes. Heeseung is waiting for you to be ready, so when he takes a leap after leaving you in the dark for years. Will you reciprocate? (inspired by When you're ready by Shawn Mendes)

Heeseung was tired. Not of you, never of you. But of never getting you out of his mind.

He knew, eventually he’d have to see you again. In college, he was doing all the possible things he could do to not see you. It had been like that since high school. He’d act up, distance himself from you and hope one day he forgets that you exist.

Heeseung was as shocked as everyone in his old group of friends when he found out that his friend, Joon was getting married, and classic of him and his wife-to-be, they invited every close person to them. Which included you. How convenient for Heeseung, you were Joon and his bride’s friend.

The couple had decided to do a small bachelorette party together, so every friend of the couple was there in the apartment. Not more than ten people were there, but in the small space it felt too crowded.

You hated crowds. So you just sat on the edge of the couch as everyone chatted. You listened. When a gush of wind came through the door and Heeseung stepped into the apartment, you felt your heart stop. You wondered if he’d come by himself or if he’d bring a date. You hoped he wouldn’t, it was hard enough to see and hear about him and his reputation around campus. Maybe the old Heeeseung would make a comeback during this wedding season, that’s what you had hoped for on the way to the party.

“Heeseung!” some guys, who you went to high school with, screamed and hugged him. “Dude, you look so good.”

“Thanks.” Heeseung laughed and handed some alcohol he had brought to Joon, who just went to the kitchen to save it.

His eyes searched around the room and found you. You gave him a small smile and he smiled back, and disappeared into the kitchen.

“What the fuck, Y/N?” your friend and future bride, Chaewon, whispered. “He didn’t even say hi to you.”

“It’s okay… He is like that… I guess…” You were used to it. Besides, he maybe needed or wanted to talk to more people and wouldn’t waste his time with you. After all, it was a long time since you last saw most of the people in that room.

“We…” Chaewon said softly. “Give me a minute.”

She stood up quickly without giving you a chance to say anything back, but you followed her, a few seconds later, just as you saw her get into the kitchen where Heeseung was talking to Joon. Chaewon grabbed Heeseung by the shoulder and turned him around.

“Chae!” Heeseung said going to hug her. Surprised but with a care in his eyes for his friend.

“Don’t ‘Chae’ me!” she said but didn’t push his side hug away. “The fuck? Y/N is right there, and you still keep your bullshit show? You’re a grown up, we all thought you’d man up.”

Heeseung looked around in panic. Just as Joon was about to speak, you walked in. The three faces turned to you. Joon had a funny expression, but Heeseung had a face as if he had seen a ghost. You swallowed, a bit uncomfortable to his apparent rejection, but decided to make an excuse, you couldn’t just say you were after Chaewon to see if she’d behave and not be mean to Heeseung for not saying a proper hello to you.

“Hi.. um…” you said softly. “I just wanted a drink”

Joon chuckled, grabbed Chae’s hand and walked away. Leaving you two alone in the kitchen. You went up to the couple of bottles and grabbed a can of coke. You were about to leave when Heeseung started to make small talk.

“Sorry..” he mumbled. “Um… how you’ve been?”

“I’m.. good. Are you skipping classes to come back home?” You joked, trying to lighten up the air.

It was a Wednesday night, and even though the wedding was on Saturday, you wanted to be home for a while before going back to the busy campus.

“So are you.” He smirked. You chuckled and nodded. Just as briefly as the conversation came, it disappeared. He looked down to the red cup he had on his hand and sighed. There weren’t many moments where you had him close enough to see his face, and see how much he had matured.

On campus there were brief sightings of him, and none of them were longer than five seconds, just because he did everything in his power to move away from your line of sight. At one point you just accepted you’d never see the face you had a small crush on, and you’d just have to find someone else to crush on.

“I’m sorry” he said, taking you out of your thoughts. Was he apologizing for not saying hi in a more friendlier way? Or maybe he was apologizing for…

“What are you apologizing for?” you said confused.

“I… realized that…” he started scratching the back of his neck, as if he was buying time to say whatever was in his mind. “I… kind of ignore you at college, I don’t…” he sighed “I just… I don't know why I do it.”

You stared at him. Confused. You understood someone can do something but his mind and actions always confused you. Since high school. He would get closer to you, walk you home and hang out sometimes after school, and a few days after he’d just give a small wave and a few hours later you’d know that he was partying with college guys that had a house nearby. On Monday, some girls would talk about how he was so handsome and were hoping to hook up with him again.

“It’s… whatever, don’t worry.” you just shrug and smile softly. You didn’t have it within you to make him feel guilty. After all, you had a soft spot for him, but you still wanted to confront him. IN a curious way. Maybe ask for questions and get out some anger that had been there, but what good would that give you? None. Leaving that small encounter was your best shot. “I have to go home, I… see you soon, Heeseung.”

You went out of the kitchen to find Chaewon and Joon. You just wished them a good night and told them you’d see each other on the wedding day. They nodded and Chae hugged you.

“I wish I could go and sleep, but Joon’s friends always drink a lot” She sighed and chuckled. “Can we meet tomorrow, just us? At the café with that cute monkey logo?”

You nodded. You had missed your best friend.

Feelings have been complicated for you. You’d feel too much, or nothing. When Chae applied to the same university that you did but she didn’t get in, you both cried because you’d be separated. She had been your best friend and was so worried of losing her, but her daily check ups of just a small meme made you feel seen.

You had love around you, but never romantic, except for Heeseung. He was your safety crush as you had decided to call him. You held an “I don’t care” facade, “I don’t like him, but if he likes me. I do like him too.”

That had been a feeling that you had always felt. When you realized his behaviour you decided to wait for him, “I’m just here for when he’s ready” you’d tell Chaewon, but after a few years in college, hearing how he wasn’t even giving you the time of the day, but was still close to everyone that was in your high school circle, you dropped it.

But I still kept an eye on him. You knew he had decided to do a double degree, and that you shared some classes in the same building. You'd be leaving your classroom and he’d be waiting for his next class. For the past 3 years you had been in college it was that way. Every day it was a meeting where he didn’t want to be, so he’d just avoid you. Then you’d just walk with your next class with a bit of a heavy heart.

“The other day… I was talking to my grandma, and she got married earlier than I did!” Chae said as you both were grabbing a coffee.

“You’re young but I think it’s a good age” you bit your cupcake and the warm chocolate melted in your mouth. “It’s an age where if you get married is… okay, like, people don’t expect it but they are like “oh it makes sense.” And you can see how much you care for each other, so you two make sense”

Chae laughed and nodded.

“Thanks.” She sipped her coffee. “To think I’ll finish college married. That’s… I thought it’d be scarier. But I’m really excited to see where Joon and I go.”

“I’m happy for you” You said honestly. You had seen each other grow up, and seeing her taking a big step, and that she was excited to take, made you feel proud and nostalgic.

“You have your eyes watery, Y/nnie” She handed you a napkin. “Don’t make me cry yet.”

The next thing you knew is that you were moving around, helping Chae’s mom to divide who is sitting where through the tables of the venue they rented, as she was telling you how much she had missed seeing you and Chae together. You went around, doing bridesmaid duties, talking to people you hadn’t seen, until Chae sent you a text.

Chae: i need u asap!!!

You excused yourself and went up to see Chae upstairs of the country house. The old look gave the vibe of a comfortable home and familiar environment, perfect for the guys. You walked to the rooms where Chaewon was getting ready. You opened the door and she was alone. Her makeup artist and hairdresser hadn't arrived yet.

“Y/N!” She patted the space next to her, on the couch. “I’m really emotional, but thank you. For coming here. For everything” She held my hand.

“Of course” You chuckled. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

“Can we just watch a small episode of a show? For the sake of old times. I am a bit nervous.” She chuckled and settled her ipad on the small center table. The show started to play as you both watched the episode in silence.

Outside things were flowing great. Heeseung was with the groom, Joon, getting ready. Joon was pacing around the room, as Heeseung sat on a chair. The couple were on opposite sides of the house lot so they were unable to see each other until the aisle walk. Heeseung was really worried about his friend and his nervousness. But he tried to not show it, he didn’t want to worry his friend.

“Dude, can you sit? You’ll be dancing the whole night, relax.” He finally said, putting his phone down.

His friend sat in front of him and looked at him in silence.

“Have you ever been in love, Heeseung?” Joon asked, looking straight at Heeseung’s eyes.

Joon was provoking a reaction, and Heeeung knew. The only face that came to his mind when the word love appeared in a conversation was yours. Yours with your smile, your hair, and how your eyes always shined, but lately he hadn’t seen them. He hadn’t allowed himself to do it.

“Kinda? It’s still love if it's unrequited?” He asked hoping Joon said no and he’d wrap the topic. But his friend smirked, knowing Heeseung’s intentions.

“I guess so.It doesn’t necessarily need to be reciprocated to be love.” He said sternly and looked at Heeseung with an eyebrow raised. “Especially if you haven't said it.”

“You know I can't” Heeseung defended himself, even if he didn’t know why he couldn’t do it.

“Why? Cause she will reject you? I wouldn’t blame her, you always push her aside.” Joon said as Heeseung buffed. His friend sighed and looked at him with a serious expression. “You’re so smart for some things, Lee Heseung. But when it comes to Y/N, you’re a complete fool.”

“I’m just waiting for her to… be ready?” Heeseung tried to admit.

“Ready to what? To ignore you for the rest of her life?” Heeseung flinched at Joon’s harsh words but raised his shoulders, as if he was saying he didn’t know. Joon continued his discourse.

“Well, if you don’t… who knows?“Look, love is wonderful, scary, but when you go back and hold the hand of the one you love the most. It is such a special thing. I could be having the worst day of my life but then, I look at her and everything feels… lighter.” Joon patted his friend’s back. “I know you can have that, and I know you really want it to be with Y/N.”

“Do you think she’d ever be with me?”

“Look, Chae is doing the impossible for you and her best friend to be together, and if you don’t take it as a push for whatever is that you feel for Y/N, you’re stupid” Joon said seriously. “And, Heeseung, don’t hurt her. She’s a good girl, she’s nice and quietly puts up with you.”

“You have become a hopeless romantic.” Heeseung joked, with a bit of warmth and jealousy as Joon mentioned your name with a caring tone. How could he be jealous of his best friend? How could he be so stupid to never act on how he felt for you.

The ceremony had been beautiful, people cried, you cried, and now it was time for the toast. When all of you walked to the place that was set up to be the reception place. Tables were full around the couple’s table, the buffet was getting prepared and Heeseung was sitting next to you. After Joon’s dad and Chae’s mom talked, the groomsmen were next, which was Heeseung, who had a piece of paper on his hand with his discourse handwritten as he walked to the small microphone sitting next to your friends.

“Hello, I’m Heeseung.” he said to the microphone. “I… um congratulations.” People chuckled, and you did too. In those small moments you could see what you thought to be the real him. “I met Joon when we were eight. He was my brother, and still is, in all the sense of the word. I weirdly never thought he’d one day confess to me that he had a crush. This new kid had got into school, and Joon was drooling over her, for months. I take a bit of pride in saying I got them together, so I knew if they ever got married I’d be the one to embarrass Joon up here.”

The people laughed. The couple were chuckling and Joon had his face all red but looking with warmth at Heeseung.

“Growing up with Joon has been an experience. He was always soft spoken, protective and caring. I loved finding a family on him, and I have enjoyed seeing him become who he is. Chae is amazing, and to think you have been tolerating that guy for years, and will continue to do so, makes me happy. You both have each other and that’s amazing. I couldn’t have asked for a better couple of friends.”

People clapped but Heeseung kept talking as he folded the piece of paper and saved it in his pocket. He looked at the floor as his cheeks got red.

“Um… Joon once told me that love… makes things lighter. You both guys have been plotting for a while for me to find a love like that” He chuckled and you looked at the couple. Chaewon was looking at you with a soft smile and Joon was looking with fondness to his friend. You looked back at Heeseung. “I am so grateful you believe in me, guys, and I am so grateful you are here. I hope in some future I make you proud by allowing myself to find the love that I see my best friend found.” Heeseung cleared his throat and raised his glass “For the newly weds.”

People clapped as he came back to sit at the table you and some friends of the couple were sharing. Your names had been sat together, and you knew that was Chaewon’s plotting, but you wanted to make her happy, so you just obeyed the sitting arrangement.

Heeseung sat and drank the rest of the liquid that was inside his glass, he placed it on the table and stared at you.

“You look pretty… I… you always do, but today… I mean. You look pretty.” Heeseung stumbled through his words and sighed at the end. You chuckled but thanked him.

“I like your new hair color” you pointed out. You didn’t know where this conversation would lead, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up from his speech and now him talking and giving you a compliment. You just tried to get up, as you saw people going to the buffet. “I’ll go get my food.”

He grabbed your hand quickly.

“I need to talk to you, Y/N.” his eyes found yours quickly, and there was an urgency there. Maybe this was what you both needed to close a chapter. You nodded and he led you out, without dropping your hand that he held softly.

The place where the first dance and the rest of the party would take place was decorated with fairy lights and strings with pictures of the guys and their loved ones, you remember you helped Chae to pick some of them. The space was empty, except for you two. Heeseung led you to the side of the pool that had lounge chairs next to it.

You both sat on one, side to side, looking over the pool.

“What did you want to talk about?” you said almost as a whisper. You glanced at him, and he was looking at you.

“I’m sorry for… ignoring you.” He admitted, again, but it felt more honest than it did before. “I swear it’s-”suddenly. “I… um…”

“It’s okay. Just if you wanted a fresh start, you know, at least let me down slowly” you chuckled sadly, and he frowned.

“I would… I never want a fresh start, not without you, Y/N. And… I am terribly sorry for letting you down, every time I'd see you around I just… I think I always assumed your feelings for me” He admitted looking at the pool, totally focused on the water. Your legs were touching, but none of you moved. “I always assumed you’d never want something after… well, I, it sounds so basic but I always wanted to… not care about you the way I do.”

You frowned. His words made you think he was confessing, but with Heeseung you didn’t know anymore, so you just nodded for him to keep talking.

“I like you, and I have since we were sixteen, but I was too much of a coward to tell you, and now six years later I just, I haven’t been able to get over you. I don’t know what I was waiting for but… I am not good with feelings, or people.

“You’re very good with Joon” you said softly.

“Joon is a guy. I have seen him in ways I’d rather forget forever” He chuckled and fixed his hair, that wasn’t even messy, but he used to do so when he was nervous, “I have seen him in ways I’d rather forget.” But you… you are, of course you’re different. You’re a girl, and I like you.

You just stood silently to his second confession of the night, but said slowly.

“You really do? If this is… I don’t know, but… for real? You do like me?”

“Hope you don’t think this sounds coincided, I really have tried to… everyone is not you. And I am so glad for that, at one point I just assumed I’d always be here waiting.” He looked into my eyes and then to my hands. He grabbed my pinky with his and slowly held my hand in between his. “I really want you to give me a chance, Y/N. I can wait, of course, but you say the word, and I change everything, I just… it’s a lot, isn’t it?

You chuckled and nodded.

“You took your sweet time, Lee Heeseung.” He smiled and nodded. “I’m… it scares me, to be let down.”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you a long time ago.”

You smiled trying to calm him down, even if you had your stomach full of knots and felt dizzy with everything that had happened in less than an hour. You both held hands silently until you glanced over to where the people were still eating, and probably the buffet was already restocked. You suggested getting back, and Heeseung accepted, but not dropping your hand at any time, except when you had to grab your plates and serve your food.

You sat, and through the talk with your friends you could feel Heeseung's eyes on you, and when he noticed you ran out of soda he offered to go and refill yours.

“Do you want soda?” He murmured closer to your ear. You nodded. “I’ll go get it.”

When everyone went outside for the first dance. You followed the group, and both of you stood on the sidelines as you watched your friends dance together for the first time as a married couple. You loved love, and maybe you had your chance if you allowed yourself to trust Heeseung, who was holding your hand, but it was hard. Deepdown you thought it would just be for that night, and back at college everything would go back to normal.

The wedding took a long time. Until five am people were dancing, drinking and celebrating the unity of your friends. You and Heeseung spent it talking, between you two, and with old high school friends. The newlyweds got into their decorated car, they wanted to go directly to their honeymoon, and as all of you waved them goodbye, you started to feel sleepy, and as you were about to call an uber, Heeseung frowned.

He insisted on driving you home, he hadn’t drank a drop of alcohol, in hopes of having this moment, the chance to drive you, and as you got into his car, he felt his chest swell with pride. THe drive was silent, soft music sounded in the background, but you were too sleepy to pay attention.

“Did you book a train to go back to college?” He asked, turning around your street and stopping in front of your house. You fumbled for your keys, while you answered:

“Not yet, I was gonna get my ticket tomorrow.”

“Let me drive you. Let’s get back there, together.” You looked at him confused. “Please.”

“I don’t want to impose…”

“Never. I’ll pick you up at… five? We can get something on the way back.” He smiled and you nodded.

That was how twelve hours later you found yourself again in Heeseung's car, on your way back to campus, together.

The conversation flowed smoothly, he’d throw some jokes, and even remember your favorite snacks that he said he bought so you’d both be able to eat something on the way. It was just an hour drive, but he insisted on you stopping on a drive in to grab a burger and some fries. You both ate and talked in the parking lot, laughed, shared jokes and even some stories of the last three years when you weren’t talking to each other.

You learnt a lot about the new Heeseung, you knew of his whereabouts but he was admitting things that were personal, how passionate he was for his majors and how challenging it was for him to choose doing two at the same time, how much he missed his family and friends back home, and he admitted he would always ask about you to your common friends.

“I liked to know you were alright” he just shrugged. “I could’ve asked you directly but… I’ll learn, if… you still want to.” He said softly, getting shy.

“My answer hasn’t changed” you let him know. “It… scares me a bit, to know how this will be, maybe… are you sure it wasn’t just the heat of the homesick moment? I know you go around, and I don’t so…”

“I’d shut you up with a kiss, but I don’t want our first kiss to be right after we ate a burger, and mine had onions.” He pointed to his burger and kept eating as if nothing had happened.

You resumed your drive and in twenty minutes you were already at the campus gates. The walk to your residence was short so you just told Heeseung to drop you off here and you’d walk, but he refused. Said he was going to leave you right in front of the door, with the excuse that his residence was just a couple blocks away, which was new information for you.

“Sometimes I would see you leaving the dorms.” He admitted parking in an empty space. “Now I will wait for you outside, okay?”

“Goodbye, Heeseung.” You opened the car door and left. He rolled the window down and screamed.

“See you tomorrow!” and drove away.

“You can drop me here, I’ll walk.”

You unpacked your stuff, called your parents to tell them you arrived safely, took a shower and got ready for bed. It was eight at night, but the sky outside was dark and you were too tired to study or do anything. You thought, maybe Heeseung would follow through, or maybe he wouldn’t, you really didn’t want to get your hopes up, but when a notification lit your phone up, your heart jumped a bit, and filled itself with hope.

unknown number: it’s heeseung

you: hi!

heeseung: just save my number.

heeseung: i’ll see you tomorrow, pretty

heeseung: sleep well.

He did see you tomorrow, and the next few weeks after that. Some days he’d be with a coffee, saying he woke up early to get it to you, others he’d just be waiting and walk you to class but handing you a small candy with the excuse to brighten your day. He’d constantly text you small memes and messages through classes, and you would send pictures back and forth of you doing funny faces or of a pretty sunset that you were able to see from the library, where he would later text you to wait for him, and join you in your study session.

Things felt easy, and you still were scared, but scared means you really do care, right? He would see you overthink, and he’d over-explain, at one point you assumed he would get tired, but it surprised you to know how much Heeseung liked to feel needed and useful, so you enjoyed each other's company.

The day that there was a thunderstorm, classes were cancelled, people were advised to stay in their dorms, so when the intercom with your room number sounded you frowned.

“Hello?” you picked up.

“Can you open? It’s kinda cold out here” he said through the heavy sound of the rain. YOu hung up and the bleep sounded, and looked through your window to see him walk into the building.

Not even a minute later, a knock on your door sounded and you jumped to open it. He was soaking wet, you grabbed his puffer jacket and hung it on your tiny bathroom so the droplets would fall into the shower. He dried his hair with a towel and said he even had comfy clothes on so you both could watch a movie and eat ramyeon he had saved in his dorm for you two to eat.

“I can turn on the heater. You seem cold.” You touched his cheeks with both hands and he was freezing, while your hands were warm.

“Thanks.” He sat on your bed after turning your electrical kettle on. “I got your favorite, is the one with cheese.”

You started eating, both sat crossed legged on your bed, careful to not spill anything on your new quilt. He told you about his past days and how he was studying for an exam that ended up being cancelled, and you told him how you didn’t think he would appear so you just started studying for a test that you deeply hoped it’d get cancelled.

After eating, you both laid on your bed, watching a movie on your small tv. Heeseung covered you two with a blanket, but eventually you started drifting off.

“Y/N” he said softly. “Can I hold you?”

You nodded and got closer to him. He put his arm around your waist and you settled yourself on his chest. Just as a big thunder sounded and lit up the room.

“Please don’t leave while I’m sleeping” you mumbled against his chest. You felt his heartbeat. “Or when I’m awake… just don’t leave.”

“I won’t” he kissed your head. “I meant it.”

“What?”

“About waiting for you.” he stroked your hair as his voice got raspy. “I really would like to try to see where this goes, we are good together.”

“We are” you agreed.

“Sleep tight, good nap, pretty girl” he kissed your forehead, and you both drifted off to sleep.

Note: hello! it's my first time writing for enhypen/heeseung. If you'd like to be added to my enhypen/heeseung taglist, send me an ask with letting me know! I also have a taglist and a masterlist for stray kids, if you want to check it out! Happy life!

[rinaliteracy]

ORE MONOGATARI!! | Seo Changbin

Pairing: nonidol!changbin x afab!reader. 

Genre: fluff, college!au, angst.

Warning: a bit of insecurities.

Wc: 4.0K

Summary: Based on the anime/manga ore monogatari!! Changbin loves Felix, but has always wanted to be seen, when he meets Y/N he will do everything to make her stay in his life, even as she finds the parts that he doesn't enjoy sharing.

Changbin was all that Felix wasn’t, physically. Changbin was muscular, would laugh loudly and confident. Felix was slimmer, ethereally beautiful, but they made a great duo. It made sense for them to be friends for so long, it made sense when they found themselves in the same college, so being roommates wasn’t strange. Changbin was always flirty, but every girl he’d flirt with would eventually look at Felix and make fun of Changbin for even thinking he could get with them, and Felix would reject them. 

Changbin had asked Felix why? Maybe Felix liked guys, maybe Felix was ruthless but Felix said: “No, I like girls, but not the ones that reject my best friend.” Felix patted Changbin’s shoulder and said: “Get better at your taste. Binnie.”

So Changbin gave up. He focused on college, his classes kept him up until late hours, he would party with Chan and his friends if the chance appeared and he’d go to the gym. That was his usual routine, and he thought it’d be like that the new semester… until in a class he found a girl sat one row in front of him. 

Y/N. 

He saw her face, and he felt he was a goner. But he couldn’t allow it. She would eventually meet Felix and crush on him, and Changbin would be left heartbroken. Same story. So every time he’d have class with her, the first half would be him wondering what he’d do when Y/N met Felix and decides to date him, and the second half was about how maybe she could like him… if she never met Felix. 

A few months in, Changbin walked out of the class and Felix was there waiting for him. Felix had his bag over one shoulder and was talking with someone, but his stern expression was nowhere to be seen, but replaced with a softness. As Changbin got closer he could see he was talking to the girl who had him wondering about life. 

That’s it. Changbin thought. This is where they fall in love.

“Changbin, this is Y/N!” Felix said smiling. “She’s my sister’s friend.”

Changbin nodded at you, you were prettier closer. Which was already a lot. Changbin wasn’t able to form words, so he just decided to nod at you. He’d seem cool, but maybe… uninterested? 

“Hi. I’m Changbin.” 

You chuckled and Changbin swore it was the prettiest sound he had ever heard.

“I know, you sit behind me in class. What is your major?” You asked, truly curious and Changbin coughed. 

“Health major.”

“Oh, that’s so cool!” you looked at Felix. “Yours?”

“Engineering” he stated smiling at you.

Changbin noticed how you didn't visibly melt, and that was weird. Maybe you were shy? Or maybe… he even had a chance. How could he know? Maybe you even had a boyfriend. How could you not? As you and Felix kept talking, Changbin just kept admiring you and wondering if maybe you’d like him back… he was the opposite of Felix, but at the same time, you didn’t seem to look at Felix with heart in your eyes. 

“Guys, I have to leave you. I have a class.” You said and fixed your hair. “I’d see you around Felix, right? And Changbin I’ll see you in class.” You just waved and walked away. 

As Changbin kept staring at you, Felix laughed. 

“Man, you should be less obvious. She wasn’t going to vanish if you blinked.” Felix said looking at Changbin, who was still looking in the direction Y/N left. 

“How do you know her? You never told me she existed!” Changbin said.

“Why would I show you… Mate, that would be weird.”

“She is so pretty.”

“I guess.” Felix shrugged. “I’ve known her for a while so… it’s just brotherly love… but, you’d look great together, I guess.”

And that’s how the plan began. Changbin wanted to get to know you, so he started getting early to class, just to see you walk in and wave at you. You’d wave back and smile at him softly, sat and went on with your day. Changbin was excited. Happy, almost ready to risk it all, until one day he woke up and found out he was late for class, and to greet you.

He didn’t even realize what he wore but in less than five minutes he brushed his teeth and left for the building of the class. He was sweating, running so those 10 minutes of walking would just be 5 of running, praying he’d get a seat so he could see you and listen to teacher. But it wasn’t his day. 

He walked in, and his seat was taken… by someone else. So he just resigned and sat at the back of the class, not hearing the teacher and not able to spot you. He took his laptop out and just started to type what he heard, until the door opened and a rushed Y/N came in.

Mumbling an apology to the teacher you walked closer to spot a seat, yours was taken, just like Changbin’s and you saaw him and the spot next to him. 

“Can I sit here?” You asked.

Changbin nodded and opened the chair for you. You smiled at him and he felt the melting of his body, thanking that he was sat and not standing up, so the effect you had on him was less obvious. 

You took out your laptop, and a muffin with a coffee. His stomach growled and you chuckled. 

“I have another muffin, want this one?” You slid yours to him. 

“No, I’m… No.”

“Take it, don’t worry.” You said grabbing another muffin and setting it on the table. “Cheers.” You clinked both muffins and handed him one, which he took and smiled. You both ate silently in class, hoping no one noticed the sound of the paper of the muffin and the loud heartbeat that Changbin was experiencing. 

That was a small routine you had adapted, now both of you sat at the back of the class, you’d share snacks, small laughs when the teacher said something funny, and even would chat after classes before eachone of you went their own ways. 

One night, Changbin was in his dorm. Felix sat on his own desk and Changbin laying in bed. He was tired, had been to class, the gym and was happy because he was able to crack a few jokes with you. He was ready to sleep but scrolling through his phone, when he found your profile on INstagram.

People you might know, and there it was! your profile… or at least what Changbin thought it was your profile. You had only a picture of a cartoon and… 15 followers. Private, definitely private, but you had your name and last name. What are the chances that someone can have the same name as you and have the same instagram vibes?

“Yongbok” Changbin called for Felix, who looked up. “Does your sister follow y/n’s instagram?”

Felix shrugged. 

“Check.” Felix handed Changbin his phone and he started to swipe through apps until Instagram appeared. 

A few taps later, and there it was. Felix’s sister followed your account…and Felix did too!

“Yah!” Changbin said and sat straight. “You follow Y/N!”

“Yeah.” Felix said and looked up at Changbin. “Why?”

“You could’ve told me. You’ve seen me in the past weeks and you didn’t tell me…” Changbin feigned hurt as he sat next to Felix’s desk, hence, on his bed. “Should I follow her?”

Felix shrugged. 

“I guess? I mean, you like her and she is nice.”

“What?!” Changbin said. “I don’t like her… I just… think she’s very cute and smart.”

“Changbin, that is liking, my friend.”

It all went smoothly as it could. A few minutes after he sent you the request. You accepted and followed him back. That’s when Changbin thought he had touched heaven. Until the next week at the class you were sharing you didn’t appear. Changbin sat there, staring at the door every time it opened hoping it’d be you. But the hour went by and no sign of you. When some papers were given, Changbin took two. One for you and one for him, and mustered the courage to send you a dm. 

seo.changbin: hi, i’m changbin… you ok?

seo. changbin: i grabbed a paper for you, they handed it to us 

seo. changbin: i can give it to you later…

Those three messages appeared on your phone. You through your glossy eyes chuckled and answered.

ynnnie: hi! thank u u.u 

ynnnie: omg yes, i wanted to ask you for the notes… if you have them

ynnnie: and omg i’m okay, just sick, thank u. you? how r u?

In less than 30 minutes you had a knock on the door of your dorm. You stood up, wrapped a blanket around you and stared through the peephole at a very disheveled Changbin. You blushed, fiercely felt the heat on your cheeks and tried to do the best to look good, or at least decent.

“Hi.” You said as you opened the door and cringed when you heard your sick voice. “Sorry, my voice is… ugly.”

“No, it’s pretty.” He said suddenly. “I mean, you… your voice… I mean you too… is…” he chuckled. “I got you the notes, and um… a get well soon gift.”

He had a bag and a folder oin his hands, which he extended to you. 

“I’m sick… but… do you want some tea?” He smiled and walked in. 

The afternoon was cozy, you both sat on your bed, drank tea and chatted. You always knew Changbin was funny and charming, but he showed it even more that afternoon. You couldn’t do much, except fall for him. Who wouldn’t? 

Two days later you were where no one expected you to be at. At a frat party. Your friend had dragged you as emotional support so she could try to get with her crush, who had invited her. You just said you’d be a few minutes, maybe an hour tops and then you’d leave. The party was buzzing, full of people and it was overwhelming.

“I’ll just sit in there.” You said over the music to your friend and sat in the corner of a couch. 

What a cliché! but at least you had your phone and the music wasn’t that bad. Your friend roamed around trying to find her crush when you saw the big group playing beer pong. A bunch of guys that you had never seen but looked like they were the hosts, and to your surprise, next to them, playing and chugging a drink from a red cup. He grabbed it and swallowed it in seconds, just to leave it there and laugh, and keep playing. 

You felt weirded out. You had never seen him in that way. He seemed so shy, and you liked him like that… but that party Changbin was… weird, not in a bad way, but not in a good way. 

You sighed and kept watching him. He looked like he was in his element. Drinking, throwing the ball, talking to his friends and even a girl came up and started touching his arms. He just let her, and you felt sick. That wasn’t the Changbin you started to have a crush on. That was a stereotypical frat boy that you couldn’t stand.

He hadn’t done anything wrong, of course, but… it felt wrong. It felt wrong to have developed feelings for someone that acted… in a way that you didn’t act, in a way you didn’t like. 

Your eyes kept looking at the table, and at your phone, careful for them to not see you staring. At the moment you looked up, a girl came up and kissed Changbin on the cheek, very close to his mouth. That’s when you lost it. 

You felt tears prick behind your eyes, so you scanned the room for your friend, walked up to her, as sneaky as you could so no one could see you, and told her. 

“Hey, um… I have to go” you said softly.

“What’s wrong?” She held your face, worried as you felt a lump in your throat. “Is it…?”

“I’ll tell you later, okay?” You nodded trying to reassure your friend, but she just shrugged it off. Grabbed her coat and said bye to the guy next to her, with a small I’m sorry and grabbed  your hand. 

She dragged you outside of the party, and as lucky as you could be Changbin was walking in your exact direction.

He stood frozen, with a girl next to him, a red cup on his hand and an appearance that showed that he was drunk and hooking up. You swallowed and ignored him. You didn’t… you couldn’t like someone like that. 

He saw your tears and moved his arm to let the girl’s hand drop and looked worried. Your friend acted faster and dragged you outside. You didn’t look back and just walked out of the house. Your friend held your arm and soothed you but you felt… betrayed. 

“I don’t even… Why am I so mad?” You said distraught, kicking a small rock on the floor with your shoe. Trying to docus on everything else but your confusing feelings. “It doesn’t make sense. He… I mean, I… Maybe it’s just dumb.”

“No, it’s normal.” she smiled reassuringly and stroked your back softly. “You thought he was different and then you saw him in other scenario and it shocked you. It’s normal to be let down by how we thought people would be.”

You nodded and you kept walking out of the frat neighborhoods and into the dorms. The wind was cold so you held your hoodie tighter to you by putting your arms around yourself. You were walking in silence, no one was around and the noise of the party was long behind, when you saw a figure walking towards you. It was Felix. 

His expression was stoic and serious as he walked and looked around. His jacket was thrown over what looked like pajamas. A pair of green checkered pants and a hoodie of the same color. He looked just rolled out of bed, and hadn’t even bothered to change. His hair sticking in all directions but still keeping the same poise as always. He looked at you and waved.

“Hey, what are you doing so late?” Your friend said coming closer to Felix.

“Sister dear, I’m being a good friend to get…” Felix looked at you, and he saw your red eyes and how you were practically trying to hide in your hoodie. “Oh… you… okay?”

His sister, your friend, snorted. Felix sighed. 

“I… look, he is an idiot. I don’t even like those friends he has and… he does this sometimes.” Felix said. “I’m not excusing him. but… he hangs out with those guys and then feels shallow and… I probably shouldn’t be saying this, right?”

You sighed and nodded. 

“It’s okay… what he does or doesn’t, is not my thing. I’m fine.” You admitted, again.  Felix made a sad face and nodded. He gave you a side hug. 

“See you later sister, and Y/N, it’s fine. I just stick with him because he’s my friend, but I have told him problems are solved talking and not drinking. He has a soft spot for you, though.” 

We all kept walking in our original directions. Felix to probably pick up a drunk Changbin and you and your friend to your dorms. You decided to stay with her for the night, you didn’t want to be by yourself and she said maybe some movies could cheer you up. She chose a funny movie, made the bed and as you both started, you just fell safe and fell asleep. Besides, your friend’s covers were warmer and fluffier than yours and the pajamas you borrowed were comfy. Everything was at your favor to have a good rest after a complicated night.

When you woke up and left, you decided you’d go to your room to get ready, shower and put on another set of pajamas, just to lay in your bed and scroll through your phone, read and feel a bit sad for idealizing people. You went to your dorm, a bit calmer than the night before, but as you approached your door, you saw someone sitting outside of it. From the outline you recognized him easily. His frame was easy to recognize for you, everywhere. You had grown accustomed to him, but it did surprise you when you came closer and he was there, with the same clothes you had seen him last night, and his eyes closed. 

It was 7am, and he was waiting outside of your dorm door. You stood in front of him, and his eyes stayed closed, breath slow and his head a bit crooked to the right side. He looked so peaceful sleeping that it almost made you feel bad waking him up, but his legs were straight spread out in the hallway, leaving a small space to walk through. You cleared your throat softly and he opened his eyes and jumped to stand up in less than a second. He held himself to the wall as he looked like it made him dizzy, figures, he was probably drinking and sleeping on the floor is not very comfortable. 

“You’re at my door, I need to get in. Excuse me.” You said as he moved to the side. You  started to type the code of your room and he held your wrist just as you were about to turn the handle. 

“Let me talk to you, please.” he asked softly.

“About?” You looked at him and Changbin looked like a mess. Eyes red, his face looked tired and sleepy but most important, he looked like he really needed to talk to you. In his eyes the urgency and pleading to be heard were clearly visible. You sighed, you had been doing that a lot lately and nodded slowly, letting go of your wrist from his hand. “You have five minutes.” 

You opened the door and he got in after you. He stood still next to the door, closed it and looked at you. He took a deep breath, as if he wa sgathering his thoughts and putting them in order. 

“I’m sorry.” he said finally.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Changbin.” You started to move things around, organize your desk, fluffing your pillows and laying a blanket at the end of your bed, where you finally sat. You still had the pajamas you borrowed from your friend, and he had the clothes you had seen him with, last night. You felt a bit warm in your cheeks, but tried to mask it as you tried to look everywhere but him.

“I let you down” He said as a matter of fact, he walked and stood closer to you.  “You… I… It’s…”

“No, don’t worry. It’s on me. I thought you were different, just that.” You said as coldly as you could without showing how much it hurt you that you saw his other side. 

“It’s… I’m sorry, I am really not like that. I don’t even drink, just… pressure, but…”

“You also hook up for pressure?” You said without thinking and looked at him shocked. “Sorry, I…”

“I haven’t hooked up with anyone.” He said strongly and firmly. You believed him, and in the way he said it was as if he wanted you to believe it too. “That girl was hanging on me, and yeah, I should've pushed her away. But I haven’t touched someone since…” he stopped suddenly.

“Since what?” You inquired.

“Since I met you.” 

A silence fell as you took on what he was saying. That was a confession, you had been on his mind, and he was letting you know he hadn’t been with someone since he met you… which had been a few months ago.

“That was like… months ago.” He nodded and you furrowed your brows. “You… wait, you haven’t? Why?”

“Because they aren’t you.” He stated. “I like you, if that wasn’t obvious. And I screwed up, I gave into pressure yesterday, I don’t like that people's pleaser side of me, but… it made me feel validated, like I am more than just Felix’s big friend.”

Your whole expression shifted into confusion. Has he always felt like that? Has he always felt insecure and felt the necessity to please others?

“Why do you feel like that?” You asked softly as he kneeled in front of you. 

“I don’t know… I love Felix, he’s my brother and all that, but… sometimes I want to be seen for me. As Changbin.” Now that you were closer, you were basically face to face. He had his arms resting to your sides, on the bed and his eyes looking at your sides, not at you.  “Those other guys see the party Changbin, I don’t even like them but again… validation” He chuckled sadly. 

You grabbed his chin softly and made him look into your eyes. 

“I see you, Changbin, but… it just surprised me that you were chugging beer like water and seemed so in your area with those guys. I don’t like that world. Not parties or… that.”

“Me neither, I just… I’m sorry I let you down.” He admitted and apologized. “You were crying.”

“It was just a shock.” You confessed trying to diminish your feelings. 

“Just that?” He looked at your eyes with a small smirk on his lips. “Couldn’t it be that you were a bit jealous?”

“Since when are you this confident?” You ask curious and chuckling. “I don’t get jealous.”

He smiled softly. 

“I’m still me. Insecure as fuck, me. But me, nonetheless. I’d like you to choose this Changbin, Y/N. Just… give me a chance to make things right. I want you to have the confident Changbin, the one that can be sure of what he is and likes what he sees, but I’d like for you to be next to me in this.”

Your eyes watered and nodded. 

“That was sweet.” you admitted and placed your hand on his shoulder to ground yourself.

“I’ll be your sweet, confident, not party boy unless it is with you, strong and that goes to therapy, Changbin. If you have me.” he came closer and you nodded. 

He grabbed your face softly and joined your lips together. 

It had been four months. Changbin had asked you to be his girlfriend and you said yes. He had changed, now he was more confident about himself, about how he thought people thought of him and about how he interacted with the world. He discovered he was a man of words of affirmations, so he always let you know how beautiful you looked and how happy you made him, and you’d tell him the same, which always made him smile and give you a big hug. 

“Love!” he said as he came closer to you and spun you around. “I didn’t think you’d come.” He set you down. “I was going to get you, actually. I was so nervous.”

He held your waist and you chuckled. 

“You did great, I’m sure. You have been studying for weeks.” You stroked his arm. 

As you both had discovered things with and of each other, you found out Changbin loved to hold you. He’d hold your hand as you walked, your waist as you were waiting for something in line or just standing talking in the middle of a hallway, had his arm around you if you were watching a movie and loved to sneak small pecks on your cheeks when no one was watching, because he knew how shy you’d get.

“I just want to sleep.” He admitted. “Can we watch something?” He looked at you with his eyes full of love. You nodded. “Can we sleep together, I need to cuddle you.” As he hugged you, you began walking to your dorm. 

“Let’s go, big boy.” You kissed his cheek and got flushed. You chuckled and just got closer to him. “I’m proud of you, Bin.”

“Really?” He sounded excited. 

“Yup, very proud.”

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[rinaliteracy]

Waves of feelings | Lee Minho

Pairing: nonidol!lee know x f!reader. Genre: fluff, vacations. Wc: 1.7K Summary: Y/N has a beach house, and Minho is invited. How nice to spend some weeks with your aloof crush who is not so aloof with you.

The sun was hitting on the car window. My leg felt hot, but only a few minutes until we got to the big rental home. Big beds, bathrooms and a direct out to the beach was expecting us, courtesy of Felix’s family. Three weeks of pure relaxation from college. I really hoped it would recharge me to give my best, but someone had to be there, of course.

Minho.

It wasn’t far-fetched that he was there, what was far-fetched it was that I didn’t expect him to be there. Or, hoped he’d be there. With his quiet aura around us, but playful around the boys, I always wanted to be closer to him but I can’t force things to happen, right?

As we got there, Minho parked the car, Felix went out to open the gate and the car was quiet. I looked at him, and expected Felix came quickly to get me out of the small space I was in, with Minho.

When we parked the car, a beautiful big beach house was in front of us. The three of us looked up shocked and Felix whistled.

“It’s better than I remembered.”

Minho scoffed and smirked at Felix.

“You say that every year.”

Felix opened the door, and the house was beautiful, simple but very clear and luminous. The guys went to the kitchen, and there they were, the rest of the group of friends. Lia, Han, Yeong and Gaeul.

“People!” Han said going to hug us. “Y/N! You came!” He squeezed me. “I know someone was dying to see you.” He smirked and handed me a juice glass. “I made this, try it. It’s watermelon.”

As everyone was settled, I got a medium bunk in a small room, it had its own small bathroom and it even had a small window that showed the beautiful sea. I sat in bed, and fixed all my stuff. Got the swimsuit on, and I was ready. I went to the first floor and everyone was on the patio, that even had a pool with a view to the sea!

“It’s amazing.” I said next to Felix.

“Thanks. I come here every summer.” He smiled at me. “Thank you for coming, we had missed you.” He side-hugged me and I chuckled.

In fact I had pull out of the group a bit, not because I didn’t like them, but I was too busy with school and I couldn’t focus with Minho next to me, around me, or in my orbit. So I made excuses and hid behind my classes and tests, but I needed a break and they invited me to a beautiful house. How could I say no?

“Guys” Minho cleared his throat. “The food is ready.” We all sat outside and started eating and chatting. The pool was precious, and the view of the sea made it more magical. It was a small bbq but the sound of the waves made it 100% tastier.

“We should head to the beach” Gaeul said as she wore her sunglasses. “I don’t want to tan but I want to feel the water.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Han stuffed his mouth with pork. “Lee Minho, don’t back off. Y/N, are you coming?”

“Of course” I took a sip of my soda.

“Then Minho can’t back off.” Han stuffed another piece of pork in his mouth before I could ask what he meant.

After lunch, and doing the dishes, we all grabbed our swimsuits and went to the beach. The water was pristine, the sun glistened on it and even though it was hot, I felt a shiver on my spine. We walked and sat, as some of the guys went to dive in the water. Yeong, Minho and I stood in the sand.

“I need a dip in the water.” Yeong said and stood up. “You coming, Y/N?”

“Not for now. Don’t worry.”

Minho had shown that he didn’t feel like going into the water today, so he didn’t bring his swimsuit, but was wearing shorts. He said he didn’t want to ruin the vibe, but he’d stay back to watch our stuff. I looked at our stuff in the towel and he said softly:

“You can go, I don’t mind being alone.”

“No, don’t worry. I don’t feel like dipping now. I feel too full” I laid back and covered my eyes with my hand. I had forgotten my sunglasses.

“Take this.” He handed me a pair of sunglasses. “Wear them.”

“But these are yours.” I mumbled squinting my eyes and looking at him.

“Tsch, I’m giving them to you for now. Just wear them.” He laid back and closed his eyes. I did the same and wore his sunglasses.

When we were all back in the house. Felix lit up the small campfire. Han roasted a marshmallow and Lia was drinking some tea. Yeong went to sleep because she said she was tired, and Gaeul was probably about to sleep too. It wasn’t that late, but the wind and the sounds of the waves, that I was even able to hear from inside the dorm back when I was changing, made the perfect setting for someone to sleep.

“Are you cold?” I asked Lia sitting next to her. She had her hands around a big steamy mug, and was covered with a blanket. I chuckled at her sight and she nodded eagerly.

“Yes! You want some? There’s still boiling water.” She offered. I shook my head and we talked. It was chilly, but I was too lazy to bring a blanket, and I wasn’t going to ask Lia for hers.

“Guys! We should tell scary stories.” Han screamed after eating a burnt marshmallow.

“No, thanks” Felix said.

“Your stories are lame” Minho said and sat next to me. “I don’t get scared by your stories.”

“Right.” Han said as he roasted another marshmallow. “Feelings scare you.”

I looked at Minho and he coldly looked at Han, who only lifted his hands in surrender.

It wasn’t hard to imagine him as someone that was hard to open up, his aloof attitude, sarcastic remarks and snarky comments would make you steer away from him. But you couldn’t feel the malice in them. It was known to be his love language for the guys, and sometimes… I wonder if one day he’d be close enough to me to treat me like that. Maybe not so rough, but… closer, like we are friends.

“Hey” he said softly. “I saw you shivering, take this.” He handed me a hoodie and placed it on my lap. Then engaged in conversation with Felix as if nothing had happened.

I stared at the hoodie and felt a pair of eyes looking at me. I found Han smirking and he winked at me. I moved my head to the side, confused and he chuckled as he kept roasting his new marshmallow. I just shrugged and wore Minho’s hoodie. It was warm, and smelled like his cologne and fabric softener, in a perfect mix.

The warmth of it allowed me to dive into the conversation the guys were having. And as the 5 of us ended up talking, I just realized Minho had a hoodie on. He had gone to grab one of his hoodies for me… didn’t he?

The next couple days went smoothly, we’d go to the beach, eat, play board games, eat again, watch some movies and sleep. It was a nice routine until Han wanted to go to the craft market that was near the beach. So at seven pm, we all grabbed our stuff and went there.

It was buzzing with lights, there were some restaurants, food trucks, a bunch of stalls filled with many things and even some mechanical games that the Gaeul and Felix wanted to try.

“Guys!” Gaeul called us and we got closer to them. “It’s buy 2 get 2. We got 2 free tickets. Who wants to ride with us?”

Lia, Yeong and Han said no as fast as they could. Minho sighed.

“I’ll go, don’t want them go to waste.” He started walking towards the rollercoaster.

Han gave me a small nod.

“Go get your man.” He whispered. “Y/N wanted to try it!”

The rest of the guys left, as Gaeul grabbed my hand and walked us to the line of the rollercoaster. The line wasn’t long, so when it started to get closer I started feeling nervous.

“Minho, wanna go with me?” Felix winked.

“Nah, last time you held my hand too tight.” He looked at Gaeul. “This one’s yours. I’ll ride with Y/N.

And that’s how I was sat on a beach ride with Minho next to me. The harness felt too loose, but it was a beach fair, I didn’t expect much. I looked at the rest of the guys that were waiting for us at the exit of the ride, and tried to look back for Gaeul and Felix.

“You okay?” Minho asked.

“Does your harness feel loose?” I asked. He raised his hand and the worker came closer to us.

“Hey, my girlfriend’s harness is loose. Can you help her?” I stood still as the worker made my harness tighter. When the worker asked if it was okay I just nodded. Still in shock.

The ride began and we started to rise to the top. I looked down to the ground and looked at Minho. He chuckled and held my hand.

“Did you just call me your girlfriend?” I mumbled as we reached the top, before the big drop and the beginning of the rollercoaster.

“Sorry, just slipped.” He had a cheeky ass grin that was the last thing I saw before the ride began, and we went through loops and loops. I just screamed and felt Minho’s hand holding tight. I swore I could feel every loose screw in the ride, god knows how long has this seen a maintenance person. But the abrupt end was what got me.

“That thing needs oil.” Minho said as he dropped my hand. He fixed my hair to it’s place and I stood still. He chuckled again, just in time for our harnesses to lift.

TAGLIST: @stronglychanbiased @ayedomino-08 @sellomaybe (Send me an ask if you'd like to be included) <3

[rinaliteracy]

The wound waiting to be seen | Kim Seungmin

Pairing: nonidol!seungmin x afab!reader. Genre: fluff, college!au, angst. Warning: depression, loss of a friend. Wc: 890 Summary: Y/N lost a friend, and she needs support. Hope if you've ever gone through this, life is smiling slowly but surely for you!

I knew it would end eventually. People always left at one point, right? I couldn’t help but stare at the ceiling, then at the chat with my best friend, or ex best friend, actually, and then back at the ceiling, replaying the words I was always scared I would get. 

I felt so safe around her, for it to end all with a simple message.  

“You drain my energy”

That was all she said, all the explanation to why she hadn’t been answering my messages, to why she didn’t want to hang out with me but would make time to hang out with other friends, and why she wouldn’t answer the funny videos I sent her. That was the explanation I got when I needed my best friend but she wasn’t there. 

I apologized, told her I loved her and never wanted to make her feel bad, but she said she couldn’t do this anymore. She gave me an option, to stay close but she wouldn’t consider me, she wouldn’t answer me. She would just save me in a drawer of unwanted things so it wouldn’t bother her. 

Not a big explanation or closure, the only big thing I felt was weight of the words on my chest, that I knew would stay there always, haunting me and following me around everywhere I’d go.  

2 years later.

I felt like the days were slower, always. No one would understand me, no one tried either, they just brushed it off, but I felt like part of me had died since. No one gave the appretiation to friendships they deserved, I’ve tried to talk to people, my therapist, but she was being paid to listen to me, the only other person that’d be there was Seungmin. 

He was kind, would listen, and every time I’d cry, he’d just hand me a tissue if I asked. He was, besides my therapist, that knew about all, how I felt hunted by the memories and her words. 

After classes ended, sometimes I’d just sit on a bench and stare at the people. Some of them still had their best friends, how lucky of them.

“You… look like you need this.” A voice said and sat next to me. He handed me an iced coffee that contrasted with the warm smile that he had on his face.

“I look that bad?” I joked.

“You… have been looking sadder. For a while.” he said looking at the people that walked around campus. “I’m here.”

I chuckled and nodded. Gave a sip of the iced coffee and sighed. It was cold, but helped me get my mind off of the thoughts that would creep in.  

“It’s… I feel…. like everything is moving slower, but at the same time fast, I just… the other day I slept a whole day.” I confessed. “I feel so… dumb” He frowned and shook his head, but his soft eyes kept looking at me, as he was really seeing me, and my feelings. “I didn’t… feel anything, but when I woke up, I… felt…” I sigh. “I just really miss my best friend, Seungmin.”

I cry, can’t help it. Even thinking about her hurts. Everytime I think I’m over it, I just bawl my eyes out, and the only two people that I talk with about it, must be tired. Maybe they would eventually leave like she did. But thinking like that wouldn’t take me anywhere, I knew that. 

I sigh, and keep talking. “It took me too long to just… cry, to not hate her. At the beginning I’d just cussed at her, but… now 2 years later all this pain fell on me.”

He sighs and nod. 

“It’s normal. You… in class the other day, um…” he scratched his neck and looked at the ground. “There’s this author, who said that trauma would be there until it’s ready to be faced. 2 years ago, you couldn’t do it, but now… you can.”  He gave me a small smile. “You can face this now, Y/N.” 

I nod, not convinced but a little less hopeless. 

“Do you think I’m annoying?” I asked, feeling small. 

He chuckled.

“You make my days brighter. I have told you… I love being with you.” he said shyly. I looked up at him surprised. “Don’t act like you don’t know it.”

“I’ve been mopping, so… sorry I didn’t notice.” I said softly. 

“I’ve tried to… tell you but, I didn’t want to put a weight on you with this new… information.” We both chuckled. “For now, I just wanna show up, be there for you… If you want, of course.”

“You… do?”

“Of course” he got closer and held my face in his hands. “Look, you’re not too much, never for me, never for you… I know what she said, but someone that cared about you wouldn’t say that. Losing a friend hurts but… you still are loved, Y/N.” I nod softly.  “I’m here, you’ll get through this” he dried my tears with his thumbs, for then to surround me with his arms and hug me. 

It wouldn’t be easy, but I wasn’t alone. 

“So you like me?” I asked against his hoodie. 

“Yeah, I do, very much actually.” he stroked my hair. “Never doubt how much you are, you’re the best much I have ever experienced.”

TAGLIST:  @stronglychanbiased @ayedomino-08 @sellomaybe If you want to be included, send me an ask <3

[rinaliteracy]

NOT TIME TO CRY | KIM SEUNGMIN

Pairing: nonidol!seungmin x afab!reader. Genre: fluff, college!au Wc: 2.4k Summary: Y/N did bad on a test, had a crush on a guy that ignored her and wanted to dissapear when he found her crying.

I didn’t know why Kim Seungmin hated me. Simply. I really had no clue. I wasn’t the most perfect person in the world, but I wasn’t someone to be hated so deeply, I was nice, to him, even. He would just nod when I appeared, and even answer with monosyllables when I would ask him how his day was. 

It wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t have the biggest crush on him. I don’t even know why. He doesn’t give me the time of the day and I fall for him. Ridiculous. Embarrassing. Really stupid, and useless. It came out of nowhere, I mean, he was pretty and after he got a haircut I just was done for good, and I just said, fuck it! I’ll just like him, except he treated me as if I had the plague. 

We had one friend in common, Han, everytime I would approach Han and Seungmin was there he’d just leave. The first three times I didn’t think much of it, but everytime I’d see that happen I really thought he hated my guts. 

My life had been quiet. I had a big test coming up. I had to read about 15 stories, which I was almost done with, and analyze them, all the concepts and the connections. I had been breaking my head, burning the midnight oil so I could get a good grade, and all was peaceful and going according to my plan, to study in peace in the library until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. 

“Is it okay if I sit here?” A small voice interrupted me and spoke low.

I looked up and there he was. Kim Seungmin, looking at me and asking if he can sit next to me in the library. I just nodded, didn’t trust myself to speak, and even maybe embarrass myself so I just decided to turn the tables, I’d be quiet.

He got all his supplies and started studying, I did the same, and weirdly, I felt at ease next to him, not the nervousness I had before. Maybe I just had him on a pedestal, I’ve heard that happens when you have a crush. But now I saw Kim Seungmin as who he was, a normal student that was typing on his laptop, and had a cute face, cute hairstyle and his weird ‘get away from me’ aura intrigued me. 

It was 1am, I had to finish a study session, so I was just typing away on my notes, going through my fifth pomodoro, when he tapped my shoulder.

“Have a good night, Y/N” he said quietly and walked away. 

I stood frozen. He knew my name, but… it shouldn’t be a big deal, maybe he learnt it through Han, not a big deal. I was an expert at turning off my feelings or deflecting them to something else. That's what I’d do with this eventually, so why not start now? I lost a few minutes thinking of a man instead of finishing my study session. What a shame.

To turn off my feelings was easier than I thought. In two days, I started seeing Kim Seungmin and felt nothing. I was an expert on this. I should have talked to my therapist about it, but I didn’t care, I had a big test to take, so I just had to walk fast to class, pour all my knowledge in a sheet of paper and walk out free.

Forty minutes into the test, and the sheet of paper was empty. 

FUCKING EMPTY!

Only the questions were printed and my name on the corner of the page. That was all that was written, that came from my brain, on the page. I’d see my classmates write, shake their hands to loosen up their wrists so they could keep writing, and I had nothing. Absolutely nothing, and I was about to hyperventilate.

A blankness was in my mind when I thought of the contents of the test.

Question 1: How does the mood of the story help to set the tone? Give 2 specific examples and elaborate on them. 

Question 2: How is the concept of Uncanny represented, in at least 3 of the texts, give examples.

And that’s how it went until question 10, plus 2 bonus questions that of course I wasn’t going to answer, because I didn’t remember what the hell they were asking about. Ten questions to answer and I had nothing. My hands were shaking, and I felt my legs going numb. Fuck. I started to breathe slowly, inhale and exhale to calm my racing heart. I drank a sip of water and wrote the first thing that crossed my mind for each question, I needed to get out of that classroom. 

I had no clue what I was writing, but the teacher would have to guess. Even my handwriting was as messy as ever, but I was trying, I really was. I was the last one to turn in the exam, just one minute to spare. I didn’t want to look into the eyes of the teacher, because, what if he saw how much of a loser I was? I was disappointed enough in myself, and didn't want the face of someone else to be engraved on my brain. 

I grabbed my stuff, and left the classroom. A bunch of classmates were outside chatting with their friends about the test, but I just wanted to hide. My friends were in their own classes, so chatting with them wasn’t an option, and I had a break, so I was bound to be lonely with my disappointment for the next hour and a half.

I sat on a bench, pathetic, it was secluded, but at this point I didn’t care. And I felt a tear roll down my face, then another, and other, until I was crying. Pathetic. I didn’t even have tissues to clean my face, and wiping wasn’t an option, I had just tried a new eyeshadow palette and I didn’t want them to smudge.

“You look like you need these.” A hand extended a package of tissues.

And there he was, the one person I wouldn’t expect to see. Kim Seungmin. 

“Thanks.” I took one and dabbed my eyes with the soft tissue. I looked to see if the makeup was there and no, apparently I didn’t smudge. “Do I look like my make up is smudged?” 

He chuckled. 

“You look fine, Y/N” He sat next to me. “Care to share what happened?”

“I almost got a panic attack in the middle of a test, and I didn’t even remember all the content. I had studied so hard, I was revisiting the content this morning, all was good, but… I just froze.” A tear fell so I cleaned my cheeks again. “Sorry, sounds pathetic.”

“It's normal.” He simply said. “You’re smart, you’ll get through this.”

“You think so?”

“I know, I’ve seen you work in the library, and Han always says you’re very smart and you help him study, and he is a case of study, so you must be good.”

I chuckled sadly. 

“Yeah, I do help him to study.” 

He opened a package of cookies and handed me one. I looked at them and took one with a polite smile.

“Thanks, I really like these ones.”

“Me too, I like them better than the vanilla ones.”

When the results of the test arrived in my inbox, I was sitting on my bed. It was 10 AM, and I stopped the anime I was watching to open the mail. There he was, the teacher saying our grades had been published. God. I clicked the PDF file and there it was, my name and my grade… I felt my stomach drop and dumb. I felt dumb. 

I had studied and I had failed. 

seungmin: did you get the results? 

seungmin: i felt a mood shift in the air.

I chuckled and answered.

y/n: I did. 

y/n: i want to die, but i’ll get over it

y/n: don’t have time to cry about it. 

That was a big, fat lie, because two hours later I was still watching the anime and crying. The animé wasn’t even sad, god, I was just overwhelmed, I hadn’t stopped and I did need a break but I wasn’t able to take it and fail. 

The episode was getting to the best part when someone knocked on my door. My roommate had her key and she had left for her day full of classes, so it was probably a random person. I sighed, paused and walked to the door. The peephole showed me a boy with a hoddie, and a takeout bag on his hand.

“How do you know my room number?” I asked when I saw Seungmin. He pointed behind him and Han was there. “Oh, that explains.”

“We came because you’re sad because you think you’re a failure.” Han said, walking in my room and taking off his shoes. “No offense.”

“None taken.” I sat on my bed and the guys sat on the small couch the room had. “Thanks for the food.”

“No worries.” Han said, and Seungmin had still not said a word. “I have to go, because I just brought you Romeo, he didn’t know your room number and I didn’t, I just knew how to get here, so… I’m going to put my shoes back on and leave you two.”

When Han left and left us in a silence that felt comfortable, we began eating. They had grabbed some Tteokbokki, that was perfect in spice, Seungmin wasn’t as red as mine, so I assumed he didn’t tolerate spicy food as much as I did. 

“Han said you liked this.” he mentioned. “I don’t really like spice, but I hope I chose one that you like.”

“You bought this?” I smiled. “It’s perfect, thank you.”

“It’s fine.” he mumbled and got a piece of tteok on his mouth. “This one is not as spicy, mild.” He explained. “Oh, take this.” He grabbed the bag and took out two soda cans and handed me one. “Han said you liked the apple one.”

“Thank you. You need me to pay you back, I have some cash.”

“No, no. It’s on me.” He shook his head. “Really.”

“Thank you. I needed this.” We kept eating in silence. “You can sit on the bed. The couch might be uncomfortable.”

He nodded and sat face to face with me. Both with our legs crossed and enjoying the food.

Having developed a kind of friendship with him has been great. I didn’t forget the small crush I had on him, how could I? We texted daily, he’d invite me to coffees and I’d invite him to bookstores. It was a small friendship. Quiet. Peaceful. Did I hope it was more than a friendship? Yes. But I didn’t mind having him any way he wanted, for now. 

“Did you hate me?” I asked suddenly before I even thought about it. “Sorry, I… when, I mean, before, I’d see you with Han and you’d leave or you’d just act like I wasn’t there… Just wondering.”

He stared at me with a soft smirk. 

“I liked you. I couldn’t hate you.” He left his empty tteokbokki on my desk, next to my bed. “I was intimidated by you.”

“By me? How… Why?”

“I don’t know. You don’t really make me think straight, Y/N.” he looked around, everywhere but my eyes. “I didn’t hate you. I don’t hate you.”

“Good.” I mumbled, and left my tteokbokki next to his. “I like you too.” I admitted.

“You do?” He looked up at me, I nodded. “You don’t need to say it back if you don’t feel it.”

“I do feel it.” I sat more comfortably on my bed. “I was mortified when you found me crying. I even stopped going to the library, but one day you texted and all felt different.”

“You don’t have to feel embarrassed, I liked seeing you so human. I mean, I like all of you, but if you cry, I don’t mind.” He said, smiling softly. 

Again we fell quiet but we didn’t stop looking into each other's eyes. 

“What do we do now?” I asked softly. “I have never done… this” I wave my finger between us. 

“Me neither” he chuckled. “I guess we date? See where this goes.”

“You think?” I asked confused. “You haven’t even kissed me to know if you really like me, maybe It’s just…”

He joined our lips softly, a small touch and separated. 

“There” he said with his hand still on my cheek. “Now, would you be my girlfriend?”

I nodded a bit dumbfounded. 

“Besides” he added. “I didn’t need to kiss you to know we are a good match.”

Two months passed and we were walking towards my classroom. He held my hand, I held my coffe and I was so nervous for the test, it was my chance to redeem myself and I didn’t want to screw it. I sighed and he tightened his hand around mine. 

“It’s okay, pretty.” We stopped in front of my classroom and he smiled at me. “You got this, okay” He kissed my forehead and left his lips there for a few seconds before he moved back. “You studied the whole night, and the whole week. I believe in you”

I nodded. Squeezed his hand three times and went into the test. 

I sat, got the sheet of paper and started writing, some were easier than others, some were really specific, but I could do it, I knew it. 

Question 1: In The Great Gatsby, explain and identify the Modernist movement with 3 specific examples. Give arguments to why you chose each one.

Question 2: Explain the term “Alienation” seen in 3 works of the unit. Argument your answer to why, how and when we can see it. 

Until Question 10, and even the two bonus questions were answered. Still, two minutes to spare, but this time with all written. The sheet was filled with my handwriting and I felt proud of myself. I handed the test to the teacher, gave a small and polite smile and walked out.

Seungmin was there waiting for me with his big scarf and his phone in his hand. He smiled when he saw me and opened his arms. I stepped in, and he felt warm, peaceful. He kissed the top of my head, held my hand and tucked both our hands in his jacket.

“Shall we?” he said.

“We shall.” I laughed and we left the building. 

I did well in the test, which was important, but most important was being able to get a kiss from Seungmin when I got the result.

TAGLIST:  @stronglychanbiased @ayedomino-08 @sellomaybe If you'd like to be included, send me an ask, and I'll include you in the next one!

[rinaliteracy]

GOOD GIRLS | KIM SEUNGMIN.

Pairing: nonidol!seungmin x afab!reader. Genre: fluff, college!au Wc: 3.2k Summary: Seungmin needs help with an essay, so what if the universe pairs him with Y/N the one girl he saw sneak out of her home when she was 16.

"Thank you so much for this, Y/L" the teacher handed me a sheet of paper. "This is Kim Seungmin who is... not passing." I stare in shock at the sheet. That name was not one I expected to hear after 6 years. I hadn’t even seen him in the campus, we hadn’t crossed paths since we were young, but in that sheet of paper was all the information I needed about Seungmin’s grades, his weaknesses in the class and his strengths. He had failed an essay, but had done pretty well in the small quizzes. 

"Sure, I'll see what I can do" I smile politely. The teacher smiled and nodded. I could have told her I wouldn’t take him, but I didn’t need to dig into my weird rejection of his persona, so I just walked away. 

What the fuck?

My day went as normal as it usually did, going to classes, studying, finishing essays, until I was already in my bed, my roommate studying at her desk, and that was the only light illuminating the room, casting a soft glow over our room. I was having my daily scroll time, until I got a message from an unknown number:

unknown number: Hey, it 's seungmin.

I stare wide eyed. 

How the hell did he get my number? How did…

“Y/N” My roommate spoke louder. “Girl, you okay?” 

“Seungmin just texted me” I said softly.

“Who… wait, that…?

I nodded.

FLASHBACK.

"What the hell are you doing?" I heard a voice from behind me. I turned back as I was trying to open the door of my backyard. He started humming.

ddo... doo ddo.. ddo ddo doo doo...

"Can you mind your business and shut up?" I whisper.

"I just like that song. Do you know it?" He whispered back. "She said to me: Forget what you thought" he sang softly.

"Shut up, Seungmin" I said in between my teeth.

"You want me to turn around and forget what I saw?" he mocked me.

I opened the door slowly and entered my home, not before flipping him off before I closed the blinds.

Fucker.

I was 16, that was the last time I saw Seungmin in school, before he moved.

Now, I was at college, in my bed reading his next text. 

unknown number: This is my number.

I would have done a lot for his number when I was younger, I would have stared at it and maybe even texted him, but after he changed schools and left, I lost track of him. And now, here he was. 

“Maybe it’s the universe.” Jini said, sitting next to me and staring at my screen. “Answer him”

y/n: hi, how did you get it?

“You’re right!” Jini smiled. “Maybe he looked for your number because he…”

“Because I am tutoring him, just that.” Jini stared at me. “I forgot to tell you, I found out today.”

“Y/n, it is the universe. And I study how the universe works, through science, but I believe in something bigger, and something bigger wants you two together. 

I saved his number as just Seungmin, just as he answered.

Seungmin: a friend from school gave it to me. 

I slept stiffly and woke up nervous the next day. We had arranged a meeting at the study rooms in the library. At 11:00, and at eight I was getting ready. I went, got my coffee and sat, at 10 I was waiting for him, and at 10:30 he appeared. I was focused on my laptop, with my headphones on when he walked in.

“You’re early.” He said. His voice was a few notes lower than I remember from before. I sucked in a small breath and nodded. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah” I say softly. 

He sat in front of me and two pages and a book came out from his backpack. He set his laptop right in front of mine and took a seat.

"I got... my notes" he handed me the two sheets of paper.

"Just this?" He nodded and I chuckled. They were mostly one line notes. Some said, a character said this, setting helps mood, or my favorite: the teacher is going to assign tutors because she said some needed them (NEED TO CHECK THE WEB). “They are…” I tried to look for the words. “Notes, I guess.”

He snorted

"That's why I need help, good girl" He started to type on his laptop, and I swallowed. Of course he remembered the one interaction we had, where I was embarrassed and wanted to kill him. No, he couldn’t remember me in another setting. 

"Okay, so... You need to get an B+ in the next essay" I said showing him the maths I did for his grades. “Then you’ll be able to have a C in the final essay and still pass the course.” 

"You calculated." he said simply. 

"Of course" I opened the list of texts the teacher had covered in class. Hoping he at least had read one of them fully. "It's romanticism, so… it’s only this unit, and you need to focus on one specific book of these."

"I want Frankenstein," he said after staring at the document. “It’s the only one I understood.” I nodded and smiled. He hadn’t smiled once since he got in the study room, not even to be polite. 

"Uhm... okay" I sigh. "What topic do you want to talk about in the essay?"

"Monstrosity"

"Okay… but you need to be more specific. You need a thesis"

"Those always are hard for me…” he confesses and looks at his screen.

“That’s why I am here” I smiled. 

We started working and he was responsive and totally engaged with the session. It was even weird to see Seungming in this ambience, but after all, I hadn't seen him in years. He still had his sarcastic remarks I would hear of in school, but he seemed more… guarded. 

We worked on the thesis together, planned his essay and he said he’d start to write it as soon as he got to his dorms. I told him he could text me if he had any doubts, and we wrapped the session. 

By our fourth session, he started to feel more… comfortable, I hope. He would snort, which was the closest I have ever gotten a laugh from him, and he would write and concentrate in front of me, each one of us working on their own school work. It was comfortable, and I couldn’t stop comparing him to who he was. I realized his features had hardened, he didn’t have braces, his hair was cut differently and even how he dressed was more… dark. One moment he looked up and I just smiled. Then I promised to not look at his face for the rest of the session. 

That night I was staring at the ceiling, the lights were off, but Jini was watching tiktoks on her phone, so I heard some of the videos she was watching as she was scrolling. A thought had been running through my head, and that I needed to get out 

“Jini” she hummed as an. “I had a crush on Seungmin when I was younger. And… I don’t want it to come back. I never wanted to confess, and it has haunted me since. It's stupid, right?

She locked her phone and I felt her eyes on me. 

“No, beautiful. It's normal. I mean… Look, Y/N, You are kind, allow yourself to feel it… but if he’s mean to you, don’t.” she said. “Don’t you think it’s weird? I told you, as a sign maybe. Now you are tutoring him, he took the class where you are a tutor, and he got assigned to you, he… I don’t know? There are people we have to meet again. Besides, the story when he caught you sneaking in, is hilarious.

“No! I don’t take it as a sign.” I sighed and buried my head in my pillow. “Goodnight.”

“Good night, lovergirl.” she grabbed her phone and the sound came back again.

“For the record, I wasn’t sneaking in… I arrived late from a movie and forgot my keys.” 

For the next study session, he texted me he had already got us a study room, so I didn’t run as I would’ve done, and, probably, accidentally, took a little more time in doing my make up and picking my outfit. I didn’t know if I wanted to do it because of me, or if there was an ulterior motive.  As I got to the library, I opened the door of the study room and there he was, he had two coffees and two muffins on the table, next to his laptop and the book of Frankenstein open in a page fully highlighted and with annotations. I frowned. 

“Well, one tries to do something nice and gets a frown.” He says looking at my face. He followed my eyes and saw I was looking at the book. “I followed your advice, my annotations are not as good as yours, but they are a start”

I smiled and warm settled in my stomach. He had listened, and well, of course he had to, I was there to tutor him, it is not like he chose to listen to me because he wanted to… he needed to, to get good grades.

“Do you need that much coffee?” I sat in front of him and opened my laptop. He snorted, basically, his laugh and slid one of the coffees across the table, to stay next to my laptop. 

“No, I just happen to buy two coffees everywhere I go. As well as two muffins, so… here it is.” He handed me the muffin and our fingers touched. I grabbed the muffin quickly and he retrieved his hand slowly. 

“Thank you.” he just shrugged and directed his attention to his laptop. 

I could tell he was trying hard, and he was doubting himself, as he wrote and deleted, wrote and deleted. He asked me if I could read what he wrote and I nodded. He came closer and sat next to me so I could read his essay. I scooted closer, and started reading, of course I felt his eyes on me, and how close we were, but I proudly, didn’t let that distract me. 

“You should give yourself more credit, Seungmin” I stated as I finished reading the draft. “You’re doing great. I mean it.”

He looked down and I saw his ears turn a bit pink. I chuckled. 

“Thank you.” A silence fell after he said so and he came back to his seat, in front of me. “Why did you choose your mayor? I remember you always liked reading when we were at school, but… why?”

“You… remember?” I asked cautiously, but didn’t wait for a reply. “I think art has different forms, and words are one of the most honest. I like to study that.” I confessed. “Why did you choose your mayor?”

He sighed. 

“Sometimes I don’t know, but when I have to do math, I find a north. Something that is already set. So, I just need to follow steps. I like that method.” I nodded. “We are different.” He said as a matter of fact, but with a soft tone,  careful with his words.

“Yeah, we are. That’s why I’m tutoring you.”

He laughed. It was the first time I heard him laugh and I could see a small crack in his eyes, a small crack in his walls, I smiled back at him. And was met with the twenty three year-old boy who was guarded by a careful facade. 

The last session we had before he had to turn in his essay came just the day after. He showed me what he had worked on, and then a silence settled in between us, that was comfortable. Only the keys of our laptops being pressed would sound, until he shot closed his laptop. I stared at the clock, and yeah, our time in the study room was ending, so I started to save my things too. 

“I asked for you.”

“What?” I look up from my backpack and see his disheveled hair, just as he is running a hand through it. I frown, confused. 

“I wanted you to tutor me, I didn’t want that other guy to be my tutor, the one with the weird hair” he said again. I chuckled, I knew who he meant. “Thank you for accepting me.”

We both walked in silence and parted ways with a small bye. I got to my dorm and Jini wasn’t there yet, so I took a small shower. What did he mean by I asked for you? I don’t think there is a meaning behind it besides the literal, but… he could’ve asked for the other tutor, of course, maybe he just didn’t like the way the other guy would be as a tutor, maybe he just assumed I’d be nicer, maybe it was no ulterior movie to the “i asked for you” rather than just that Seungmin needed to pass the class. But what if it did?

When I went out, Jini was already on her bed. 

“Thank god, I wanted to shower.” She grabbed her stuff and saw me. “Were you crying?” She scanned my face. “You okay?”

“Yeah it’s just shampoo.”

Damn Kim Seungmin and his vague words, and damn me that loves to read in between the lines. 

The days were blurry, I had to turn in assignments, go to classes, study for some tests, and all was calm again. No small feelings brought back from the dead, no meetings with no one in a study room, no wondering if I would see his face in the hallway. Well, I did wonder, I just hoped I didn’t have to see him. So I just took my usual route, and walked around in autopilot mode. All as good as before. 

seungmin: hey, you free?

seungmin: i saw you walking towards the coffee shop

seungmin: sorry, that sounded creepy

y/n: it’s okay, i’m free. 

Not even five minutes later, the door of the coffee shop opened, and Seungmin walked in. He had a scarf around his neck, a puffer jacket and his nose and ears were pink. I chuckled when he came closer.

“Are you cold?”

“It’s freezing.” He sat in front of me and took off his scarf. “And here is hot as fuck.”

I laughed and he smiled. I stared at how careful he took his jacket and turned his vision back to me. He had a small smirk on his face, as if he had caught me staring.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.” He looked back to the coffee bar. “I’ll go get something, you want more? It’s on me”

“You sure? I can Venmo you.”

“I’m sure.”

A few minutes later he came back with two coffees, he handed me mine and I saw it was exactly the one I wanted, my moccachino. I took a small sip and the warmth of it went into my body. He was stirring his coffee but his eyes would wander to my face.

“I got an A” he said. “Thank you, really.” I smiled, just as I was about to say something, he interrupted me suddenly. “I.. look, I like you, okay?” 

I stare in.

“I… don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at me, his cheeks flushed.”I have liked you since we were 16. I liked you a lot, I never told you, but I did. When I knew you were the assistant for this class, I just had to do it and get closer to you. It took me 7 years but, who’s counting?”

He didn’t stop to breathe for one second, as if he was in a rush to get all that he had bottled up for years. He took a sip of his coffee and looked down at the table.  

“Just… I’m asking for a chance.” I smiled and nodded. Still shocked but thrilled.

“Okay.” I chuckled. “I’d like that.”

At first it was awkward, I never confessed back but I just hoped he realized that I did like him back, and a lot. So every time he texted, I answered. When I thought about him, I texted him, we’d meet for coffee and he’d walk me to class. 

seungmin: hey pretty, i’m waiting outside 

As the class ended, I went out, there he was. He had a coffee in his hand and a smile as he saw me walk to him. He opened his arms and gave me a quick hug, careful to not spill coffee on me. 

“How was your day?” he smiled and handed me the coffee. “Mocaccino.”

I gave a sip and we kept walking. The plan was to study, each one on their own stuff, he called it a study date. We hadn’t put a label on it, and I was overthinking it. What if… in the tiny end, I was being used? I mean… I didn’t think that low of him, but what if…

“You’re thinking too loud” he interrupted me. He stopped and I stopped in front of him. I looked at him a bit insecure, but in his eyes I just found understanding

“Can I ask you something?” I looked at him holding the cup tightly, trying to ground myself in case I ruined that thing that was growing in between us.

“All you want.”

“You’re not with me because you want a good grade in the class, right?” I dropped, and before he could answer, I kept going  “Because I would get it, but I can’t do much. If you did, I’d get it, it would be very sad, but I really like you, and I do, I have for a while, I didn’t specify that, right?” I just remember I never said I liked him back, so I explained myself. “ Oh my god, I am so sorry if that’s the idea I gave you, but I do like you, but why do you like me? If you…

He chuckled. 

“What are you laughing at?” I stared at him,  deadpan.

“You’re so cute, you know that?” He smiled and held my free hand. I loosened my coffee a bit and relaxed to the touch of his hand on mine “I am not with you for the essay, I am trying with you because I always thought you were so smart, and pretty and kind. And all you have done in the past weeks since we met again is prove me right. I like you, a lot… If you have any doubts, tell me, I’m here for you.

“Sorry, I’m just… nervous.” I mumble embarrassed, looking at the ground. 

“We will do this together… besides, I couldn’t be happier, you just admitted you liked me.” He held my chin in his hand and smiled at me. 

“You thought I didn’t like you” I frowned, I was so stupid to never have confessed that.

“I thought maybe you were like… harboring the feelings. I didn’t want to push you. Now that I know” He held my waist and got us closer. “Y/N, would you be my girlfriend?”

After a small silence of our eyes locking and feeling the hopeful energy radiate of this moment I chuckled. 

“You're an idiot.”

“I can be your idiot, good girl” He said as a matter of fact and I nodded laughing. I kissed him softly, he moved his hand to cradle my cheek and when we chuckled, he kept our foreheads together. I chuckled at the height difference, and I murmured to him. 

“Deal.”

TAGLIST: Send an ask if you'd like to be included and I'll include you for the next fic. Thank you for being on the taglist! Means a lot to me <3

@stronglychanbiased @ayedomino-08 @sellomaybe

[rinaliteracy]

Now there's just after 2.

First part.

Pairing: badboy!hyunjin x afab!reader

Summary: Hyunjin and Y/N are polar opposites, so when he gets closer and discovers a world he never met, he is willing to do anything to keep it.

"Hey, I brought you these pastries" Lia said and put the box on my nightstand. A big note that was inside the box read.

"I'm sorry"

"Those are not yours" I bury my head on my pillow. "These are from him" I sighed. "It has a note."

Hyunjin has been sending me pastries, coffe on my desk at class for the past two weeks. A small note with small words, that I wasn't able to throw away. I had them saved in my drawer. Or he would hang somewher around the coffee shop, and wave at me.

He had been trying to apologize. He always had done this things before I found out, but now it was different, it had another motive. Motives that I didn't know if were truthful.

"Can I eat them?" Lia asked eyeing them and I nodded.

Hyunjin was making sure he was still in my vision, and like hell he was working on that. No day I wouldn't remember he existed.

Right after I found out, I didn't even block him, I couldn't. I liked him, and I thought he liked me. We hadn't talked since then, he had tried to, a text there, saying hi to me and coming with a 'i'm sorry expression', and I wanted closure, of course, but I just, didn't want that closure yet. I knew he was giving me space to be ready for a conversation.

"I really want to know what happened... Should I..." I sighed and look at my roomate.

"If you want" Lia said licking her finger while eating the cinnamon bun. "Those pastries are good, not going to lie."

I sighed and started at my phone, typed quickly the message for him.

Y/N: Hey, I need to talk.

The answer took not even three seconds, and a string of messages appeared.

Hyunjin: Sure, sure.

Hyunjin: where?

Hyunjin: I can go to yours, to a coffe... you say.

I looked at Lia and she gave me a thumbs up.

Y/N: The coffee shop near my residence, works for you?

Hyunjin: all works.

Hyunjin: Be there in 5.

It took me ten minutes to get there, and when I did he was sat in a corner, his hair disheveld and a little longer, just a hoodie and he looked... messy. Two steaming mugs on the table were in fornt of him, and a boquet of flowers.

A small smile appeared on my face but I tried to cover it.

"Hey" I said and he stood up.

He smiled, a wide smile. But, his eyes looked sad.

"Hi, thanks for coming."

"I... was the one that texted you." I chuckled, he seemed nervous.

It made me feel hopeful, he was nervous, maybe he did care for what was happening, or maybe he wanted to reject me and was nervous of my reaction.. maybe he was

"I ordered your usual" he moved the mug closer to me.

"Thank you. I'll pay you" I sat infront of him and held the mug in between my hands. Focusing on the warm and trying to calm my nerves.

"No need. It's on me." he says.

I sipped it, and he was right. The exact amount of caramel I liked, the exact ammount of coffee and milk. But through a coffe he wasn't going to win me over.

"You had a test today, I remember you told me, how did you do?" He asked and looked at me with a small smile.

"I think well... I had studied a lot."

"I remember... I'm sure you did, you're smart."

A silence fell in between us. I kept staring at the mug and he stared at me.

"I'm sorry" Hyunjin said softly. His voice mixed with the soft music playing. "I know... I won't..." He sighs. "It's not an excuse, because it... just, listen, please."

I looked at him and I saw him, again, the guy I really liked, not the one that I was scared to trust again.

"They made the bet and I agreed, I was drunk and I bored, and I needed something to... look forward to? Sounds awful, yeah, but... I don't know. "i sighed" Maybe, be excited for? I don't know. Three months ago, things were boring, hard, and yes, it was a challenge and you... and... when I met you. "

He took a sip of his coffee and gave me an apologetic smile.

"I mean, when you spoke I felt the air leave my lungs. Sounds dramatic, but I went home and told the boys I backed up, they said they'd tell you. I didn't want to ruin my chance, but I just couldn't stop hanging out with you. How could I? Look at you."

I look down, and he chuckles.

"Everytime they would see me, they would remind me, so I stopped hanging out with them. I was... I knew I'd lose you eventually, so... I am in some way thankful you found out, so you'd know this, but not the way you did."

I let the words sink in. I believed him. Was I naive for believing him? Probably but I just wanted to try. A heartbreak was the worst outcome, but a small moment of happines was the best thing I could get from this.

"I am not asking for another chance, well I am, but... just... give me the chance to prove I can get a chance." He looked at me hopeful. "Let me prove myself, please."

I nodded.

"Fine." I smiled weakly.

He started to show up. Literally, outside of by room, he would wait for me and walk me to class, even if he had a class on the other side of campus. He would wait outside of my last class of the day and invite me to a coffe. He would send a pastry, with a sweet note.

"Would you come with me?" He said one day as I was walking out of my last class of the day.

"To where?" I asked a bit weary.

"A walk..." He smiled. "Just a small walk next to the river, I mean... we can watch the sunset and I need to take some pictures for my photography class. If you'd like, of course to co-"

"Sure."

He inisted on us getting a small can of soda to walk around as he took pictures of trees, of how the sun was reflected on the water, how people would walk, how some people would stop on the small bridge. He even took a picture of a small dog that was laying under the shade of a tree.

We were sat on a bench, in front of the river as the sunset started to appear. We ended our cans of soda and he showed me the pcitures he had taken. The light captured everything so perfect and seeing him being so dedicated to fix every setting before snapping a shot really showed me how serious he is. About art, of course.

"You look pretty, you know?" He said as he ate a small bite of a cookie, and he handed me other. "I baked them"

I stared and nodded trying to look unfazed for his comment. but i mumbled a small thanks.

"No worries."

We kept walking then he stopped. He stood and tried to angle the camera in a vertical way and pointed at me with it. He had a small smirk behind the camera and I looked at him with a small smile.

"What are you doing, Hyunjin?" I said curious.

"You look pretty, and the river looks pretty too. Can I take a picture?" He looked at me with his eyes and I nodded. I swallowed and did a small peace sign. "Great. I'll save it forever."

"Don't lie."

"I don't lie anymore, or ever, or..." He turned red and I chuckled. "I am honest with you, I want to own your trust... and, yeah."

As I went back from the walk, I felt lighter. Maybe I could trust him again, maybe I'd allow myself to trust him again. he was proving it, but... something held me back, fear.

It was the same fear that had always been in my heart, of being rejected after caring about someone. The past time it was different, it was an I don't know place with Hyunjin, I did like him but now... it felt more real than before, at the same time it felt fragile but strong enough for me to want to keep trying.

It had been 2 days since taht day in the river, and we had been hanging out, but today it felt different. The rain was pouring and I had forgotten my umbrella. I was decided to go to the dorms and arrive all wet, it wasn't my ideal plan, but I had nothing else to do.

As all my classmates started to leave the builidng I see a tall figure walking towards me. He had his hair shorter, way shorter than I had seen him before, he had a huge scarf that covered almost his whole face but I could see his eyes smiling. He had a huge umbrella covering his frame.

"What are you doing here?" I asked chuckling at seeing him.

"I'll walk you to the dorm, of course."

"no need, ill just change when i get home"

"dont takefrom me this time with you"

We started walking in silence, just the sound of the raindrops falling on the umbrella and then to the floor. I stared at him and saw that his shoulder was wet. I, as a reflex grabbed his arm and scooted closer to him.

"Your shooulder is wet."

"Thanks." He said softly as we kept walking.

I didn't lose my grip and our hands brushed. He grabbed our hands and shoved it inside the pocket of his coat. I chuckled and smiled. I felt at ease with him, again. I sighed, i didn't know when it happened but again I felt at ease, the rhythm we had before everything came back and even became better.

We became better.

"Hyunjin." He looked at me. "We are okay."

He looked at me sideways and smiled.

"Really... Are we?" I nodded and he chcukled. i chuckled as we kept walking. my dorm came into the view and we stopped infront of the big doors. I let our hands go and stood infront of him, he lowered the umbrella and said softly:

"I will always be sorry about it." he shook the umbrella to let the water drops fall to the floor and his eyes focused there. I nodded. "Thank you, Y/N"

"For what?" I asked.

"For... everything." He smiled and kissed my cheek. "Good afternoon."

He opened his umbrella again and walked away.

Three days later the rain and wind had grown stronger, Hyunjin had been coming to walk me to class everyday with the umbrella, and we woud repeat the same process, hold hands, walk, chat and then separate. Afternoons would be the same, except one where we ordered take out and stood in my dorm after.

Lia was gone for the weekend so Hyunjin and I were watching a documentary. He had a package of fries on his hands and handed me one when I looked at him.

"These are good."

"I know" he said and placed one in front of my face. "Open. These one has cheese"

When thye documentary ended and the bowl of fries and our burgers had vanished we just sat in silence in my bed. The TV off, the rain still going outside, even though it had stopped a few hours ago, and us on our own phones.

"You know..." He set his phone aside. "We should go to a walk."

"It's raining."

"I have the umbrella. I want to show you something."

Then, a few minutes later me, wrapped up in a scarf with a jacket and Hyunjin with his coat and scarf, started walking towards the small river view the college had.

"I don't know if you remember but... one of the first times we ever hung out we came to the river at night. When we took this pictures."

He took his phone and showed me a picture of me looking at the moon.

"I didn't know you took this picture."

"Well... you looked too pretty to not capture it." he smiled at the picture. "I... is... um..." he looked at me. "I never dated, I have never... don that. Sounds like a loser?" I shook my head and he sighed. "I never understood why, you would like to see or be with someone daily, until you."

I frowned, confused to where this was going.

"You caught my attention long before that stupid bet, we shared a class on first year, I never told anyone until... now. You, I didn't want to... have a quick thing with you."

He was talking so sternly and looking at the river while holding my hand. The rain falling made everything so sreious, and the fact that he was so focused on his words, on his feelings, made me feel important, important that he was sharing his feelings with me. I squeezed his hand as he kept talking.

"I was very stupid and thought thata fter you found out, I'd never... we'd never have a chance, and worse? that I was the one who hurt you because I was too stubborn to just be honest about it, I wish I had just gone up to you and introduced myself that first year, instead of doing that for a bet, that it was an excuse, but... still."

"I will be sorry for hurting you, but it also gave me courage to talk to you. But, well... now we are here." He looked down at me. "I like you. So much."

I smiled warmly.

"I do too, I like you too, Hyunjin.

He smiled big. I had never seen him smile that wide.

"Y/N, please, be mine" I nodded. He stopped and dropped the umbrella and lifted me up, he hugged me and spun me around.

I laughed as the drops of water fell on us. I moved my head to be able to look at him and craddled his face. I kissed him slowly and he recirpocated. Until the rain started to grow heavier.

"Hyunjin." He nodded and lifted the umbrella. he set it on top of us and the water that had accumulated there fell on us. "Hyunjin!" We laughed, wet and happy.

"Let's go get dry." He kissed my head, held my hand, shoved it in his pocket and we started walking. "I want to get a picture of my beautiful girlfriend first, so... hold the umbrella."

A few minutes we came back to my room, soaking wet, but happy, and with a new lockscreen picture for Hyunjin.

The End.

[rinaliteracy]

TAGLIST: @stronglychanbiased @ayedomino-08 @sellomaybe @stayjinnie

Let me know through ask if you'd like to be included!

[rinaliteracy]

Now there's just after 2.

First part.

Pairing: badboy!hyunjin x afab!reader

Summary: Hyunjin and Y/N are polar opposites, so when he gets closer and discovers a world he never met, he is willing to do anything to keep it.

"Hey, I brought you these pastries" Lia said and put the box on my nightstand. A big note that was inside the box read.

"I'm sorry"

"Those are not yours" I bury my head on my pillow. "These are from him" I sighed. "It has a note."

Hyunjin has been sending me pastries, coffe on my desk at class for the past two weeks. A small note with small words, that I wasn't able to throw away. I had them saved in my drawer. Or he would hang somewher around the coffee shop, and wave at me.

He had been trying to apologize. He always had done this things before I found out, but now it was different, it had another motive. Motives that I didn't know if were truthful.

"Can I eat them?" Lia asked eyeing them and I nodded.

Hyunjin was making sure he was still in my vision, and like hell he was working on that. No day I wouldn't remember he existed.

Right after I found out, I didn't even block him, I couldn't. I liked him, and I thought he liked me. We hadn't talked since then, he had tried to, a text there, saying hi to me and coming with a 'i'm sorry expression', and I wanted closure, of course, but I just, didn't want that closure yet. I knew he was giving me space to be ready for a conversation.

"I really want to know what happened... Should I..." I sighed and look at my roomate.

"If you want" Lia said licking her finger while eating the cinnamon bun. "Those pastries are good, not going to lie."

I sighed and started at my phone, typed quickly the message for him.

Y/N: Hey, I need to talk.

The answer took not even three seconds, and a string of messages appeared.

Hyunjin: Sure, sure.

Hyunjin: where?

Hyunjin: I can go to yours, to a coffe... you say.

I looked at Lia and she gave me a thumbs up.

Y/N: The coffee shop near my residence, works for you?

Hyunjin: all works.

Hyunjin: Be there in 5.

It took me ten minutes to get there, and when I did he was sat in a corner, his hair disheveld and a little longer, just a hoodie and he looked... messy. Two steaming mugs on the table were in fornt of him, and a boquet of flowers.

A small smile appeared on my face but I tried to cover it.

"Hey" I said and he stood up.

He smiled, a wide smile. But, his eyes looked sad.

"Hi, thanks for coming."

"I... was the one that texted you." I chuckled, he seemed nervous.

It made me feel hopeful, he was nervous, maybe he did care for what was happening, or maybe he wanted to reject me and was nervous of my reaction.. maybe he was

"I ordered your usual" he moved the mug closer to me.

"Thank you. I'll pay you" I sat infront of him and held the mug in between my hands. Focusing on the warm and trying to calm my nerves.

"No need. It's on me." he says.

I sipped it, and he was right. The exact amount of caramel I liked, the exact ammount of coffee and milk. But through a coffe he wasn't going to win me over.

"You had a test today, I remember you told me, how did you do?" He asked and looked at me with a small smile.

"I think well... I had studied a lot."

"I remember... I'm sure you did, you're smart."

A silence fell in between us. I kept staring at the mug and he stared at me.

"I'm sorry" Hyunjin said softly. His voice mixed with the soft music playing. "I know... I won't..." He sighs. "It's not an excuse, because it... just, listen, please."

I looked at him and I saw him, again, the guy I really liked, not the one that I was scared to trust again.

"They made the bet and I agreed, I was drunk and I bored, and I needed something to... look forward to? Sounds awful, yeah, but... I don't know. "i sighed" Maybe, be excited for? I don't know. Three months ago, things were boring, hard, and yes, it was a challenge and you... and... when I met you. "

He took a sip of his coffee and gave me an apologetic smile.

"I mean, when you spoke I felt the air leave my lungs. Sounds dramatic, but I went home and told the boys I backed up, they said they'd tell you. I didn't want to ruin my chance, but I just couldn't stop hanging out with you. How could I? Look at you."

I look down, and he chuckles.

"Everytime they would see me, they would remind me, so I stopped hanging out with them. I was... I knew I'd lose you eventually, so... I am in some way thankful you found out, so you'd know this, but not the way you did."

I let the words sink in. I believed him. Was I naive for believing him? Probably but I just wanted to try. A heartbreak was the worst outcome, but a small moment of happines was the best thing I could get from this.

"I am not asking for another chance, well I am, but... just... give me the chance to prove I can get a chance." He looked at me hopeful. "Let me prove myself, please."

I nodded.

"Fine." I smiled weakly.

He started to show up. Literally, outside of by room, he would wait for me and walk me to class, even if he had a class on the other side of campus. He would wait outside of my last class of the day and invite me to a coffe. He would send a pastry, with a sweet note.

"Would you come with me?" He said one day as I was walking out of my last class of the day.

"To where?" I asked a bit weary.

"A walk..." He smiled. "Just a small walk next to the river, I mean... we can watch the sunset and I need to take some pictures for my photography class. If you'd like, of course to co-"

"Sure."

He inisted on us getting a small can of soda to walk around as he took pictures of trees, of how the sun was reflected on the water, how people would walk, how some people would stop on the small bridge. He even took a picture of a small dog that was laying under the shade of a tree.

We were sat on a bench, in front of the river as the sunset started to appear. We ended our cans of soda and he showed me the pcitures he had taken. The light captured everything so perfect and seeing him being so dedicated to fix every setting before snapping a shot really showed me how serious he is. About art, of course.

"You look pretty, you know?" He said as he ate a small bite of a cookie, and he handed me other. "I baked them"

I stared and nodded trying to look unfazed for his comment. but i mumbled a small thanks.

"No worries."

We kept walking then he stopped. He stood and tried to angle the camera in a vertical way and pointed at me with it. He had a small smirk behind the camera and I looked at him with a small smile.

"What are you doing, Hyunjin?" I said curious.

"You look pretty, and the river looks pretty too. Can I take a picture?" He looked at me with his eyes and I nodded. I swallowed and did a small peace sign. "Great. I'll save it forever."

"Don't lie."

"I don't lie anymore, or ever, or..." He turned red and I chuckled. "I am honest with you, I want to own your trust... and, yeah."

As I went back from the walk, I felt lighter. Maybe I could trust him again, maybe I'd allow myself to trust him again. he was proving it, but... something held me back, fear.

It was the same fear that had always been in my heart, of being rejected after caring about someone. The past time it was different, it was an I don't know place with Hyunjin, I did like him but now... it felt more real than before, at the same time it felt fragile but strong enough for me to want to keep trying.

It had been 2 days since taht day in the river, and we had been hanging out, but today it felt different. The rain was pouring and I had forgotten my umbrella. I was decided to go to the dorms and arrive all wet, it wasn't my ideal plan, but I had nothing else to do.

As all my classmates started to leave the builidng I see a tall figure walking towards me. He had his hair shorter, way shorter than I had seen him before, he had a huge scarf that covered almost his whole face but I could see his eyes smiling. He had a huge umbrella covering his frame.

"What are you doing here?" I asked chuckling at seeing him.

"I'll walk you to the dorm, of course."

"no need, ill just change when i get home"

"dont takefrom me this time with you"

We started walking in silence, just the sound of the raindrops falling on the umbrella and then to the floor. I stared at him and saw that his shoulder was wet. I, as a reflex grabbed his arm and scooted closer to him.

"Your shooulder is wet."

"Thanks." He said softly as we kept walking.

I didn't lose my grip and our hands brushed. He grabbed our hands and shoved it inside the pocket of his coat. I chuckled and smiled. I felt at ease with him, again. I sighed, i didn't know when it happened but again I felt at ease, the rhythm we had before everything came back and even became better.

We became better.

"Hyunjin." He looked at me. "We are okay."

He looked at me sideways and smiled.

"Really... Are we?" I nodded and he chcukled. i chuckled as we kept walking. my dorm came into the view and we stopped infront of the big doors. I let our hands go and stood infront of him, he lowered the umbrella and said softly:

"I will always be sorry about it." he shook the umbrella to let the water drops fall to the floor and his eyes focused there. I nodded. "Thank you, Y/N"

"For what?" I asked.

"For... everything." He smiled and kissed my cheek. "Good afternoon."

He opened his umbrella again and walked away.

Three days later the rain and wind had grown stronger, Hyunjin had been coming to walk me to class everyday with the umbrella, and we woud repeat the same process, hold hands, walk, chat and then separate. Afternoons would be the same, except one where we ordered take out and stood in my dorm after.

Lia was gone for the weekend so Hyunjin and I were watching a documentary. He had a package of fries on his hands and handed me one when I looked at him.

"These are good."

"I know" he said and placed one in front of my face. "Open. These one has cheese"

When thye documentary ended and the bowl of fries and our burgers had vanished we just sat in silence in my bed. The TV off, the rain still going outside, even though it had stopped a few hours ago, and us on our own phones.

"You know..." He set his phone aside. "We should go to a walk."

"It's raining."

"I have the umbrella. I want to show you something."

Then, a few minutes later me, wrapped up in a scarf with a jacket and Hyunjin with his coat and scarf, started walking towards the small river view the college had.

"I don't know if you remember but... one of the first times we ever hung out we came to the river at night. When we took this pictures."

He took his phone and showed me a picture of me looking at the moon.

"I didn't know you took this picture."

"Well... you looked too pretty to not capture it." he smiled at the picture. "I... is... um..." he looked at me. "I never dated, I have never... don that. Sounds like a loser?" I shook my head and he sighed. "I never understood why, you would like to see or be with someone daily, until you."

I frowned, confused to where this was going.

"You caught my attention long before that stupid bet, we shared a class on first year, I never told anyone until... now. You, I didn't want to... have a quick thing with you."

He was talking so sternly and looking at the river while holding my hand. The rain falling made everything so sreious, and the fact that he was so focused on his words, on his feelings, made me feel important, important that he was sharing his feelings with me. I squeezed his hand as he kept talking.

"I was very stupid and thought thata fter you found out, I'd never... we'd never have a chance, and worse? that I was the one who hurt you because I was too stubborn to just be honest about it, I wish I had just gone up to you and introduced myself that first year, instead of doing that for a bet, that it was an excuse, but... still."

"I will be sorry for hurting you, but it also gave me courage to talk to you. But, well... now we are here." He looked down at me. "I like you. So much."

I smiled warmly.

"I do too, I like you too, Hyunjin.

He smiled big. I had never seen him smile that wide.

"Y/N, please, be mine" I nodded. He stopped and dropped the umbrella and lifted me up, he hugged me and spun me around.

I laughed as the drops of water fell on us. I moved my head to be able to look at him and craddled his face. I kissed him slowly and he recirpocated. Until the rain started to grow heavier.

"Hyunjin." He nodded and lifted the umbrella. he set it on top of us and the water that had accumulated there fell on us. "Hyunjin!" We laughed, wet and happy.

"Let's go get dry." He kissed my head, held my hand, shoved it in his pocket and we started walking. "I want to get a picture of my beautiful girlfriend first, so... hold the umbrella."

A few minutes we came back to my room, soaking wet, but happy, and with a new lockscreen picture for Hyunjin.

The End.

[rinaliteracy]

Now there's just after.

Pairing: badboy!hyunjin x afab!reader.

Fluff, Angst, College!au. Based on After by Anna Todd.

Summary: Hyunjin and Y/N are polar opposites, so when he gets closer and discovers a world he never met he is willing to do anything to keep it.

Y/N'S POV

"Hwang Hyunjin?" I said a bit confused.

"Yes" her roomate said. "He is like... very popular around here"

"Popular as... how?"

"Popular as... a bad boy.

"What?" Ilaughed. "Are we in school"

"No! Is just.. he is like that..."

"You know him?

"I only know he is no good news"

That was partially a lie. As when I was studying in the library he came closer and said:

"Y/n, come hide with me"

"What?

"You said you wanted adventures, so here is one"

I did say that once when we were talking. I don't know how we got closer, but I realized he sat next to me in class, and would try to chat when the teacher was quiet. One day he texted me for notes and then never stopped, in one of our nightly talks I said I'd like to be more adventurous, but I didn't think he'd remember.

I chuckled and as the guard started to close the library and kick out the few students that were still there, Hyunjin peeked through the bookshelfs.

"Are we going to stay here?" I whispered quietly as the footsteps of the students that were leaving started to fade.

"Yes, let's read a novel of those ones you like. And then we can leave..." He smirked as the lights of the library turned off. It was fully dark, except for the moonlight and the few street lights from outside.

That is how a few minutes later we were sat on a couch with Wuthering Heights open as he was reading it out loud.

"Its quite tragic the end of this book. We are in chapter sixteem and still see no hope" I chuckled drinking a sip of water. He moved through the pages quietly.

"It's about how love hurts, Hyunjin" I responded and he moved his head to the side.

"I dont know much about love, but I know it's not supposed to hurt"

"You have never been in love?" I asked.

I wanted to know the answer. It wasn't a lie that he was handsome as hell, and he was kind, and yes, the reputation did preceded him, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a small crush on Hyunjin.

"Nah, love doesnt work for me" he said and shruged.

"Why?"

"If it ends like it does in this book, it is not worth it…"

He kept reading, and god his voice with the dramatism was the perfect match for the gut wrenching love confession Heathcliff was giving.

Why, she’s a liar to the end! Where is she? Not THERE not in heaven not perished where? Oh! you said you cared nothing for my sufferings! And I pray one prayer I repeat it till my tongue stiffens Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you haunt me, then! The murdered DO haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts HAVE wandered on earth. Be with me always take any form drive me mad! only DO not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I CANNOT live without my life! I CANNOT live without my soul!

Days were like that. Confusing, but fun. He would talk, we would walk and chat about life and some more. I understood everytime more and more the badboy persona he had, the whole black outfit did play a huge part on that. But everything faded away when he smiled or laughed.

"I need a date" he said one day, he explained further when he saw my confused face. "For a weeding, my mom is nagging me to come so… you're the only one I would want to come with me"

That's how a day later I was slow dancing in between couples in a beautiful decorated patio. It was a family member's wedding, Hyunjin said, and he didn't want to come but when his mom said he should bring a date, he said he couldn't pass the chance to be with me.

Things like that made me like him more, and think he was flirting, but at the same time, I knew he was charming, that was who Hyunjin was. And he didn't fail to show it even as we danced. He had his hands on my waist and I had my arms around his neck.

"Your hair is longer" I said touching the nape of his neck.

"Yeah, Im thinking of cutting it again."

"Its nice, I like it." I placed my hands on his shoulders

"You do?" He raised an eyebrow and I nodded. "Then ill keep it."

He gave a satisfied smirk as we kept swaying.

"You look pretty" he sat a strand of my hair behind my ear, it was so delicate that I couldn't speak but a simple:

"Thanks"

Those were pretty much the weeks, a back and forth of flirting and being together but not officially. One day as I was getting to the classroom when a small note was folded on the seat i usually occupy.

"He is lying. Ask about it"

I just assumed it was for someone else. But the next class appeared again.

"Bet. Hyunjin is winning a bet with you"

I frowned, and crumpled it. I tossed it in my bag as my class started, maybe someone was playing a prank on me, but that person had to know my schedule, that class wasn't shared with any friends, or Hyunjin.

I went back to the dorms and talked to my roomate, Lia.

"Hey, um... can you help me?"

"Sure, bubs, what's up?" She sat staright as I handled her the crumpled pieces of paper. "What the hell?"

"I don't know" I sigh and sit and walk to change my pjs. "It's weird, I... started to overthink but..."

"No, if it... it's nothing to do with you" she sat on my bed. "You should talk to him." She suggested. "Look, I know I am not his biggest fan, but he is kind with you, and makes you happy, that matters... but, yes, his friends... I mean..."

"What?" I panicked.

"They are... or they would, I mean, they... to do something like that, Y/N. You should ask Hyunjin"

That was how later I was walking into a frat party just knowing Hyunjin and his friend Changbin. I looked around and Changbin spotted me.

"Hey! Y/N!" I smiled and walked up to him. He was standing next to two girls who frowned at me. "This is Hyunjin's girlfriend" He smiled as he introduced me to the girls. I didn't bother to correct him, because as soon as he could he said he'd be out to get me a drink.

"So... you... and Hyunjin" One girl asked. "Are... a thing?"

I nodded, shy. The other girl snorted.

"I can't. You're too pure" The other girl grabbed her phone and showed me a group chat. "Read it"

"What?"

"Look, I thought you were... you look cute and pure, and I don't know why that piece of shit is doing that, but... just read it."

I grabbed the phone and scanned the conversation. The few glimpses that I caught I didn't like them, but the one message that broke my heart said:

"Her name is Y/N, she is in my lit class, I can bag her for money, I don't see her speak to anyone so maybe she's lonely af"

"That's the bet, I make her fall and you pay me 20K."

Those two messages came from Hyunjin. My heart sank. The girl saw my face and held my hand.

"We didn't know he was really doing it" She said. "I don't know you, but I'm sorry. By the way, I'm Sana, this is Chae"

Changbin walked back in and frowned.

"What happened?"

Chae snorted.

"Your friend made a bet that he could make Y/N fall for him for 20K"

Changbin's eyes opened wide.

"What the fuck? You're joking, Hyunijn stopped doing that..."

"I stopped doing what?" Hyunjin appeared as he stood next to me.

"Betting on girls, but apparently... No" Sana gave me a sad smile and walked away with Chae.

Hyunjin's face went blank.

"Y/N, I can..."

"Save it..." I walked out of the house, with Hyunjin following my every step and calling me. I kept walking until I saw Lia's jeep outside.

I sat on the passenger seat and she sped up, Hyunjin waiting on the curb, but I couldn't be bothered to look back. Lia drove in silence, I didn't cry. It was my fault. To imagine someone so randomly would want to care... I mean... It was rare.

"I'll stop for a burger. You want something?" Lia said.

"A milkshake" I didn't allow myself to cry.

It was maybe a signal that... maybe love doesn't work for either of us.

[rinaliteracy]

Taglist: @stronglychanbiased ty(^.^)

(Sent me an ask if you'd like to be included)

[rinaliteracy]

Now there's just after.

Pairing: badboy!hyunjin x afab!reader.

Fluff, Angst, College!au. Based on After by Anna Todd.

Summary: Hyunjin and Y/N are polar opposites, so when he gets closer and discovers a world he never met he is willing to do anything to keep it.

Y/N'S POV

"Hwang Hyunjin?" I said a bit confused.

"Yes" her roomate said. "He is like... very popular around here"

"Popular as... how?"

"Popular as... a bad boy.

"What?" Ilaughed. "Are we in school"

"No! Is just.. he is like that..."

"You know him?

"I only know he is no good news"

That was partially a lie. As when I was studying in the library he came closer and said:

"Y/n, come hide with me"

"What?

"You said you wanted adventures, so here is one"

I did say that once when we were talking. I don't know how we got closer, but I realized he sat next to me in class, and would try to chat when the teacher was quiet. One day he texted me for notes and then never stopped, in one of our nightly talks I said I'd like to be more adventurous, but I didn't think he'd remember.

I chuckled and as the guard started to close the library and kick out the few students that were still there, Hyunjin peeked through the bookshelfs.

"Are we going to stay here?" I whispered quietly as the footsteps of the students that were leaving started to fade.

"Yes, let's read a novel of those ones you like. And then we can leave..." He smirked as the lights of the library turned off. It was fully dark, except for the moonlight and the few street lights from outside.

That is how a few minutes later we were sat on a couch with Wuthering Heights open as he was reading it out loud.

"Its quite tragic the end of this book. We are in chapter sixteem and still see no hope" I chuckled drinking a sip of water. He moved through the pages quietly.

"It's about how love hurts, Hyunjin" I responded and he moved his head to the side.

"I dont know much about love, but I know it's not supposed to hurt"

"You have never been in love?" I asked.

I wanted to know the answer. It wasn't a lie that he was handsome as hell, and he was kind, and yes, the reputation did preceded him, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a small crush on Hyunjin.

"Nah, love doesnt work for me" he said and shruged.

"Why?"

"If it ends like it does in this book, it is not worth it…"

He kept reading, and god his voice with the dramatism was the perfect match for the gut wrenching love confession Heathcliff was giving.

Why, she’s a liar to the end! Where is she? Not THERE not in heaven not perished where? Oh! you said you cared nothing for my sufferings! And I pray one prayer I repeat it till my tongue stiffens Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you haunt me, then! The murdered DO haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts HAVE wandered on earth. Be with me always take any form drive me mad! only DO not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I CANNOT live without my life! I CANNOT live without my soul!

Days were like that. Confusing, but fun. He would talk, we would walk and chat about life and some more. I understood everytime more and more the badboy persona he had, the whole black outfit did play a huge part on that. But everything faded away when he smiled or laughed.

"I need a date" he said one day, he explained further when he saw my confused face. "For a weeding, my mom is nagging me to come so… you're the only one I would want to come with me"

That's how a day later I was slow dancing in between couples in a beautiful decorated patio. It was a family member's wedding, Hyunjin said, and he didn't want to come but when his mom said he should bring a date, he said he couldn't pass the chance to be with me.

Things like that made me like him more, and think he was flirting, but at the same time, I knew he was charming, that was who Hyunjin was. And he didn't fail to show it even as we danced. He had his hands on my waist and I had my arms around his neck.

"Your hair is longer" I said touching the nape of his neck.

"Yeah, Im thinking of cutting it again."

"Its nice, I like it." I placed my hands on his shoulders

"You do?" He raised an eyebrow and I nodded. "Then ill keep it."

He gave a satisfied smirk as we kept swaying.

"You look pretty" he sat a strand of my hair behind my ear, it was so delicate that I couldn't speak but a simple:

"Thanks"

Those were pretty much the weeks, a back and forth of flirting and being together but not officially. One day as I was getting to the classroom when a small note was folded on the seat i usually occupy.

"He is lying. Ask about it"

I just assumed it was for someone else. But the next class appeared again.

"Bet. Hyunjin is winning a bet with you"

I frowned, and crumpled it. I tossed it in my bag as my class started, maybe someone was playing a prank on me, but that person had to know my schedule, that class wasn't shared with any friends, or Hyunjin.

I went back to the dorms and talked to my roomate, Lia.

"Hey, um... can you help me?"

"Sure, bubs, what's up?" She sat staright as I handled her the crumpled pieces of paper. "What the hell?"

"I don't know" I sigh and sit and walk to change my pjs. "It's weird, I... started to overthink but..."

"No, if it... it's nothing to do with you" she sat on my bed. "You should talk to him." She suggested. "Look, I know I am not his biggest fan, but he is kind with you, and makes you happy, that matters... but, yes, his friends... I mean..."

"What?" I panicked.

"They are... or they would, I mean, they... to do something like that, Y/N. You should ask Hyunjin"

That was how later I was walking into a frat party just knowing Hyunjin and his friend Changbin. I looked around and Changbin spotted me.

"Hey! Y/N!" I smiled and walked up to him. He was standing next to two girls who frowned at me. "This is Hyunjin's girlfriend" He smiled as he introduced me to the girls. I didn't bother to correct him, because as soon as he could he said he'd be out to get me a drink.

"So... you... and Hyunjin" One girl asked. "Are... a thing?"

I nodded, shy. The other girl snorted.

"I can't. You're too pure" The other girl grabbed her phone and showed me a group chat. "Read it"

"What?"

"Look, I thought you were... you look cute and pure, and I don't know why that piece of shit is doing that, but... just read it."

I grabbed the phone and scanned the conversation. The few glimpses that I caught I didn't like them, but the one message that broke my heart said:

"Her name is Y/N, she is in my lit class, I can bag her for money, I don't see her speak to anyone so maybe she's lonely af"

"That's the bet, I make her fall and you pay me 20K."

Those two messages came from Hyunjin. My heart sank. The girl saw my face and held my hand.

"We didn't know he was really doing it" She said. "I don't know you, but I'm sorry. By the way, I'm Sana, this is Chae"

Changbin walked back in and frowned.

"What happened?"

Chae snorted.

"Your friend made a bet that he could make Y/N fall for him for 20K"

Changbin's eyes opened wide.

"What the fuck? You're joking, Hyunijn stopped doing that..."

"I stopped doing what?" Hyunjin appeared as he stood next to me.

"Betting on girls, but apparently... No" Sana gave me a sad smile and walked away with Chae.

Hyunjin's face went blank.

"Y/N, I can..."

"Save it..." I walked out of the house, with Hyunjin following my every step and calling me. I kept walking until I saw Lia's jeep outside.

I sat on the passenger seat and she sped up, Hyunjin waiting on the curb, but I couldn't be bothered to look back. Lia drove in silence, I didn't cry. It was my fault. To imagine someone so randomly would want to care... I mean... It was rare.

"I'll stop for a burger. You want something?" Lia said.

"A milkshake" I didn't allow myself to cry.

It was maybe a signal that... maybe love doesn't work for either of us.

[rinaliteracy]

My river runs to you.

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x afab!reader.

Genre: Romance. smalltown!au.

Summary: Hwang Hyunjin was not who you liked, contrary to everyone else who loved him. You hated him. He was your best friend, until he left and decided to become a star. You had been ignoring him for the past 5 years, until he decided that he deserved a break from the star life and wanted his old life back, for a few months.

Note: I had this fic published months ago part by part, but I collected all of them here!

Y/N'S POV.

When I heard the news that hyunjin came back to town I felt sick to my stomach. My best friend, the first guy I ever liked and the first guy who broke my heart.

He had been always taletend, a beautiful singer, a beautiful dancer, so it was expected for him to be known and admired by many. When it happened it was bittersweet, I was happy but I had never been able to tell him how I felt, so when I did, of course I didn't expect him to turn around and stop all his life, but I did not expect radio silence... for years.

I had seen him around town, but I hadn't been able to look at him, avoiding him was becoming my favorite sport, but it all stopped when I would see him outside of the job I took for the summer, at the end of my shift.

It was 8pm, as I left the museum, I stood in my tracks when I saw him, again, for the forth time in the week. His hoodie was over his head, but I could perfectly see his face. He had changed, but at the same time he hadn't. His eyes were noticeable and looking at me.

"What are you doing here?" I should have just shut up, but I wanted to see how many excuses he could come up with.

He had came up with some very good ones like: I was passing by. I always visit the museum, or my favorite, your dad asked me to pick you up. This time, he simply shruged.

"I wanted to pick you up."

I just ignored him and start walking home. It wasn't that late, so the sun was still setting, casting an orange glow over the town.

"Come on! Y/N! PLease" He said. I heard his footsteps coming closer behind me. I didn't stop, I had been avoiding him, and the fifth time he came to pick me up, was not going to be the charm. "At least can I walk next to you?"

"Why you do this?" I questioned him as I stop. He furrowed his brows together, puzlled, and I sighed. Again. "Insist on walking with me home... Why?"

"So I know you are safe" He answered matter of factly.

"I have been safe for the past five years, no need to worry about me"

I started walking and he didn't stop, he kept nagging me.

"Y/N come on. Just.. Could we... talk?" I shake my head. Was I being petty? Maybe, but I just wanted to curl under a blanket, like I have been doing for the past days since I heard that Hyunjin came back to the town. "At least listen to me."

"Hyunjin, I can't tod-"

"I have been coming here to pick you up for the past week and you have not been able to even look at me at the eyes., Y/N." He quickened his pace and stood infront of me "Come on, we meant something for eachother"

"When we were like... fourteen." I look down to his sneakers.

"You were fourteen, I was fifteen..." He corrects me. "I... need a chance to explain."

"Explain what?" I snort sadly. I didn't want to have this conversation right now, but Hyunjin was very persuasive, specially as he was standing in my way.

"Why I left... I'm sorry.

"You dont need to be sorry" I say looking up everywhere but his eyes. I looked the small creek that was next to the road where we were standing.

"But I should've let you know" He mumbles. "I shouldn't have left you hanging, not after what you said..."

"Is ancient history, dont worry." I try to dismiss, the last thing I wanted to hear is how i bared my feelings for him to leave the very next day.

He crosses his arms in front of his chest,

"If it is ancient history then why cant you just bare to talk to me?" I look down again. "I have wanted to talk to you, but I didn't know how... I... miss you."

He stares at me as if he is waiting for me to respond, but I had nothing inside. No words came out, just a small muffle sound than later turned into a small tear at my right eye, and then the left one, and right, and they kept flowing.

"Hey, hey" He holds my cheeks and wipes my tears. "What happened? Is because of what I said? I do miss you, Y/N.

I shake my head and he strokes my cheek.

"Why you came back?" I whisper.

"We have plenty of time to talk about it." He grabs my chin and makes me look at him. "Look, Y/N. I'm not asking for forgiveness yet, but for a chance to prove myself so you can see me now."

I swallow.

HYUNJIN'S POV

"Man..." Seungmin said as he chugged on the last bit of water he had left on his bottle. "I don't know what I would do in your place."

"Is just..." I sigh as I lay in my bed. "She, is like... she is slipping through my fingers"

"Man, look, don't want to be the one to do this but... she did slip."

I sigh.

It has been years since I've been in this bed so comfrotable. Seungmin was nice enough to come with me back home. He knew how much coming abck home meant to me, and how excited I was to see my family. Besides, he was eager to try my family's food after once he saw the lunch my mom made.

"I'd like to meet her" he said suddenly. "If she keeps you in your toes, is funny, besides she looks out of your league for what you have shown me"

"I know but... hey... wait..." I sit straight. "You are my perfect excuse, Seungmin."

Fifteen minutes later we were in front of the small bookstore where Y/N worked. I saw her back as she was fixing something on a shelf. The small bell rang and her coworker turned to us, she was older than us, and smiled:

"Welcome, if you need help with anything, let us know" Y/N didn't move a muscle towards us, but she kept working and organizing the new books she had on her hands.

"Thanks" I mumble still looking at her back, and the woman just nods and goes behind the cash register. That's when Y/N turned and spoke to the woman, not once she loooked at us.

Seungmin started to walk through the small aisle quickly, and I was behind, walking quietly expecting her to look at me, but not once she looked in my direction.

"I want this book" Seungmin said. "Hyung, can you leave it at the register for me?" I nodded, and there she was. Now the woman was nowehere to be seen, and Y/N was behind the register.

"What..." she sighed. "You taking this book?" She grabbed it and scanned the barcode with a small shrug as she read the title. Seungmin had picked it so I had no idea what was about.

"Yeah" I nod. "How are you?"

"I've been better" she answers quickly as she looks at Seungmin who is walking towards us.

"Hi, sure" She smiles at him, and I scowl. He gets the smiles and I get the shrug. "What?" she questions me.

"Hyung! This one too!" Seungmin hands me two more books in his hands. "Hello, I am taking all this" He says handling the books to Y/N.

"Why are you smiling at him? You don't smile at me like that?"

"Because he is nice... and you are... you."

Seungmin chuckles and pays. I just stare at her while she works. I had seen her from outside but never walked in, she looked so focused and professionel when she handed Seungmin his bag with the new books and smiled at him.

"I also want to buy a book" I say abruptly. Both look at me confused and she nods.

"Okay? Whihc one?".

"Hyunjin..." Y/N sighed.

"You recommend it to me..." I say. "I trust your choice"

I did. But it was all because I did not want to leave her yet.

"Please"

She nods defeated and makes a gesture for me to follow her.

Y/N'S POV.

"Hey, finished the book!"

A user that I didn't follow sent me a message on Instagram. It had no picture, no description, just the user: jinwn. The bubble in the chat kept appearing as the next message read:

"It's Hyunjin btw"

I sighed. Of course he had a personal instagram, no way he would text me out of his public account. I clicked on the profile and je had a private account and 23 posts, 10 followers and many followed.

"Good." I texted back. "Did you like it?"

"Yeah! A lot."

"I really liked the poems"

I didn't know what else to answer so the only thought was to say that Emily Dickinson was talented, to which he sent a picture out of the blue of a poem.

My River runs to thee -

Blue Sea – Wilt welcome me?

My River wait reply.

Oh Sea – look graciously …

I stare at the picture, confused to why he had sent me the poem, the bubble that showed he was writing a message kept appearing until he clarified:

"I am the river and you are the sea, of course."

"That was my favorite..."

And the next message

[rinaliteracy]

Taglist: @stronglychanbiased ty(^.^)

(Send me an ask if you'd like to be included)

[rinaliteracy]

My river runs to you.

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x afab!reader.

Genre: Romance. smalltown!au.

Summary: Hwang Hyunjin was not who you liked, contrary to everyone else who loved him. You hated him. He was your best friend, until he left and decided to become a star. You had been ignoring him for the past 5 years, until he decided that he deserved a break from the star life and wanted his old life back, for a few months.

Note: I had this fic published months ago part by part, but I collected all of them here!

Y/N'S POV.

When I heard the news that hyunjin came back to town I felt sick to my stomach. My best friend, the first guy I ever liked and the first guy who broke my heart.

He had been always taletend, a beautiful singer, a beautiful dancer, so it was expected for him to be known and admired by many. When it happened it was bittersweet, I was happy but I had never been able to tell him how I felt, so when I did, of course I didn't expect him to turn around and stop all his life, but I did not expect radio silence... for years.

I had seen him around town, but I hadn't been able to look at him, avoiding him was becoming my favorite sport, but it all stopped when I would see him outside of the job I took for the summer, at the end of my shift.

It was 8pm, as I left the museum, I stood in my tracks when I saw him, again, for the forth time in the week. His hoodie was over his head, but I could perfectly see his face. He had changed, but at the same time he hadn't. His eyes were noticeable and looking at me.

"What are you doing here?" I should have just shut up, but I wanted to see how many excuses he could come up with.

He had came up with some very good ones like: I was passing by. I always visit the museum, or my favorite, your dad asked me to pick you up. This time, he simply shruged.

"I wanted to pick you up."

I just ignored him and start walking home. It wasn't that late, so the sun was still setting, casting an orange glow over the town.

"Come on! Y/N! PLease" He said. I heard his footsteps coming closer behind me. I didn't stop, I had been avoiding him, and the fifth time he came to pick me up, was not going to be the charm. "At least can I walk next to you?"

"Why you do this?" I questioned him as I stop. He furrowed his brows together, puzlled, and I sighed. Again. "Insist on walking with me home... Why?"

"So I know you are safe" He answered matter of factly.

"I have been safe for the past five years, no need to worry about me"

I started walking and he didn't stop, he kept nagging me.

"Y/N come on. Just.. Could we... talk?" I shake my head. Was I being petty? Maybe, but I just wanted to curl under a blanket, like I have been doing for the past days since I heard that Hyunjin came back to the town. "At least listen to me."

"Hyunjin, I can't tod-"

"I have been coming here to pick you up for the past week and you have not been able to even look at me at the eyes., Y/N." He quickened his pace and stood infront of me "Come on, we meant something for eachother"

"When we were like... fourteen." I look down to his sneakers.

"You were fourteen, I was fifteen..." He corrects me. "I... need a chance to explain."

"Explain what?" I snort sadly. I didn't want to have this conversation right now, but Hyunjin was very persuasive, specially as he was standing in my way.

"Why I left... I'm sorry.

"You dont need to be sorry" I say looking up everywhere but his eyes. I looked the small creek that was next to the road where we were standing.

"But I should've let you know" He mumbles. "I shouldn't have left you hanging, not after what you said..."

"Is ancient history, dont worry." I try to dismiss, the last thing I wanted to hear is how i bared my feelings for him to leave the very next day.

He crosses his arms in front of his chest,

"If it is ancient history then why cant you just bare to talk to me?" I look down again. "I have wanted to talk to you, but I didn't know how... I... miss you."

He stares at me as if he is waiting for me to respond, but I had nothing inside. No words came out, just a small muffle sound than later turned into a small tear at my right eye, and then the left one, and right, and they kept flowing.

"Hey, hey" He holds my cheeks and wipes my tears. "What happened? Is because of what I said? I do miss you, Y/N.

I shake my head and he strokes my cheek.

"Why you came back?" I whisper.

"We have plenty of time to talk about it." He grabs my chin and makes me look at him. "Look, Y/N. I'm not asking for forgiveness yet, but for a chance to prove myself so you can see me now."

I swallow.

HYUNJIN'S POV

"Man..." Seungmin said as he chugged on the last bit of water he had left on his bottle. "I don't know what I would do in your place."

"Is just..." I sigh as I lay in my bed. "She, is like... she is slipping through my fingers"

"Man, look, don't want to be the one to do this but... she did slip."

I sigh.

It has been years since I've been in this bed so comfrotable. Seungmin was nice enough to come with me back home. He knew how much coming abck home meant to me, and how excited I was to see my family. Besides, he was eager to try my family's food after once he saw the lunch my mom made.

"I'd like to meet her" he said suddenly. "If she keeps you in your toes, is funny, besides she looks out of your league for what you have shown me"

"I know but... hey... wait..." I sit straight. "You are my perfect excuse, Seungmin."

Fifteen minutes later we were in front of the small bookstore where Y/N worked. I saw her back as she was fixing something on a shelf. The small bell rang and her coworker turned to us, she was older than us, and smiled:

"Welcome, if you need help with anything, let us know" Y/N didn't move a muscle towards us, but she kept working and organizing the new books she had on her hands.

"Thanks" I mumble still looking at her back, and the woman just nods and goes behind the cash register. That's when Y/N turned and spoke to the woman, not once she loooked at us.

Seungmin started to walk through the small aisle quickly, and I was behind, walking quietly expecting her to look at me, but not once she looked in my direction.

"I want this book" Seungmin said. "Hyung, can you leave it at the register for me?" I nodded, and there she was. Now the woman was nowehere to be seen, and Y/N was behind the register.

"What..." she sighed. "You taking this book?" She grabbed it and scanned the barcode with a small shrug as she read the title. Seungmin had picked it so I had no idea what was about.

"Yeah" I nod. "How are you?"

"I've been better" she answers quickly as she looks at Seungmin who is walking towards us.

"Hi, sure" She smiles at him, and I scowl. He gets the smiles and I get the shrug. "What?" she questions me.

"Hyung! This one too!" Seungmin hands me two more books in his hands. "Hello, I am taking all this" He says handling the books to Y/N.

"Why are you smiling at him? You don't smile at me like that?"

"Because he is nice... and you are... you."

Seungmin chuckles and pays. I just stare at her while she works. I had seen her from outside but never walked in, she looked so focused and professionel when she handed Seungmin his bag with the new books and smiled at him.

"I also want to buy a book" I say abruptly. Both look at me confused and she nods.

"Okay? Whihc one?".

"Hyunjin..." Y/N sighed.

"You recommend it to me..." I say. "I trust your choice"

I did. But it was all because I did not want to leave her yet.

"Please"

She nods defeated and makes a gesture for me to follow her.

Y/N'S POV.

"Hey, finished the book!"

A user that I didn't follow sent me a message on Instagram. It had no picture, no description, just the user: jinwn. The bubble in the chat kept appearing as the next message read:

"It's Hyunjin btw"

I sighed. Of course he had a personal instagram, no way he would text me out of his public account. I clicked on the profile and je had a private account and 23 posts, 10 followers and many followed.

"Good." I texted back. "Did you like it?"

"Yeah! A lot."

"I really liked the poems"

I didn't know what else to answer so the only thought was to say that Emily Dickinson was talented, to which he sent a picture out of the blue of a poem.

My River runs to thee -

Blue Sea – Wilt welcome me?

My River wait reply.

Oh Sea – look graciously …

I stare at the picture, confused to why he had sent me the poem, the bubble that showed he was writing a message kept appearing until he clarified:

"I am the river and you are the sea, of course."

"That was my favorite..."

And the next message

[rinaliteracy]

리나의 STORIES

I write for Stray Kids and Enhypen.

All my stories are sfw, except for some curse words. Have fun reading!

Stray Kids

Bangchan If you only knew. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Headcanon.Summary: Where Bangchan watches all your moves on social media but is too scared to do something. Genre: fluff Will it pass? Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Summary: You love Chan, how could you not? He is your best friend. Your problem? You love him too much and cannot stand him near you or your heart will break. Genre: college!au, angst, fluff.

Hyunjin My river runs to you. Summary: Hwang Hyunjin was not who you liked, contrary to everyone else who loved him. You hated him. He was your best friend, until he left and decided to become a star. You had been ignoring him for the past 4 years, until he decided that he deserved a break from the star life and wanted his old life back... kind of. Genre: smalltown!au, nonidol!hyunjin Now there's just after Part 1 Part 2 Summary: Hyunjin and Y/N are polar opposites, so when he gets closer and discovers a world he never met he is willing to do anything to keep it. Genre: fluff, angst, college!au, based on After by Anna Todd.

Seungmin Good Girls Summary: Seungmin needs help with an essay, so what if the universe pairs him with Y/N the one girl he saw sneak out of her home when she was 16. Genre: fluff, college!au.

Not time to cry Summary: Y/N did bad on a test, had a crush on a guy that ignored her and wanted to dissapear when he found her crying. Genre: fluff, college!au

The wound waiting to be seen Summary: Y/N lost a friend, and she needs support. Genre: fluff, angst

Lee know Waves of feelings Summary: Y/N has a beach house, and Minho is invited. How nice to spend some weeks with your aloof crush who is not so aloof with you. Genre: fluff, vacations.

Changbin Ore Monogatari Summary: Based on the anime/manga ore monogatari!! Changbin loves Felix, but has always wanted to be seen, when he meets Y/N he will do everything to make her stay in his life, even as she finds the parts that he doesn't enjoy sharing. Genre: fluff, angst, college au

Enhypen

Heeseung When You're Ready Summary: A weeding reunites long time crushes. Heeseung is waiting for you to be ready, so when he takes a leap after leaving you in the dark for years. Will you reciprocate? Genre: fluff, angst. Inspired by When you're ready by Shawn Mendes

Jake You're the moon, I'm the sea, Summary: Sim Jake was not who you'd say was your favorite person on college, but boy did he know how to make someone grow fond of him quickly. Between classes, study sessions and small acts, you started to question yourself, but one thing was for sure. He had that boyish charm of his that made the campus fall for him. Genre: fluff, angst, college au

Reasons to hesitate. Summary: Jake has a world and Y/N has other. Jake knew he needed help to develop his essay and when Y/N appeared in the picture, he was ready to change everything for her to trust him. Even if that meant Jake had to grab a full book of almost four hundred pages and bring her iced coffee. Genre: fluff, angst, college!au.

Jay I'm just too soft Summary: Jay partied with the hope you'd come to shut him up, but he realized it was better to win your heart piece by piece. Softly you started to seek the comfort of his presence as you started to lose yourself a bit. Genre: fluff, angst, college au. tw: sadness, sensory issues

[rinaliteracy]

Will it Pass? Pt. 3

Pairing: Bangchan x afab!reader.

Summary: You love Chan, how could you not? He is your best friend. Your problem? You love him too much and cannot stand him near you or your heart will break.

includes: college!au, angsty, friends to lovers.

Note: English is not my first language. Leave me suggestion or comments on the ask box! 🩷

Part 1, Part 2.

Y/N's POV

"What...? is pouring outside"

A soaking Christopher is standing outside of my dorm room, leaving big drops of water on the floor of the hallway.

"I know but... I needed to talk to you" He gets in and takes of his shoes and hoodie. He closes the door behind him and stands still. "About your feelings for me."

I freeze and walk to my desk, I pretend to organize some things so he can't see my face getting red.

"Oh, just pretend it didn't happen, please." I plead.

This was worst than I imagined.

All the times I pictured this conversation, it was with me looking better, not with pjs and messy make up that I didn't remove totally.

"It's been a while and... I miss you, and I haven't told you all the truth and I need to be honest with you"

He sat in my bed as if it was the most normal thing... he was wet, was he going to leave a spot? I hope not, but I tried to picture...

"Honest?" I say suddenly. "Look if you are going to reject me..."

"I was in love with you" He interrupts and fixes his hair.

I look at him with wide eyes. I freeze again and see him fidgeting with his hands, moving rings from one finger to another.

"In high school, I was... and I... yeah, deeply, madly, truly, deeply in love with you... but you never wanted anything with anyone so... i hid them, but..."

He sighs and continues.

"Look, it sounds cliché but, I always knew you were more than my friend and... well... not girlfriend, but... i always saw you as... someone who was there and would be there." He looks up, and I can see the vulnerability in his eyes" When I said I had to stop feeling things for you and started to hook up, it... felt weird, but... anyway, I like you, or I did and I feel I still do, but... I am scared that I fucked this up, so... is it too late?"

I stare in silence at the floor... for a while, I do not know for how much? Minutes? Seconds? Maybe not even one second, but when i spoke my voice just came out as a whisper.

"In... high school?" He nods "You should have told me"

He smiles sadly and looks at me.

"Maybe? I wouldn't know... but this time apart... I do not ever want you out of my life again... ever, and I... just hope it is not too late or... that you hate me so much, because I would hate me too, I mean I-

I realized he was starting to ramble. I chuckled and sit next to him in my bed.

"It is fine" I smile at him. "I still like you"

He moved his hand to hold mine and place it on my knee, stroking my thumb.

"Good... Good... and... what do we do now?" He whispers a bit shy.

"I guess you kiss me?"

*2 years later*

"Christopher I cannot see... so, don't tell me to watch my steps" I say entering the apartment slowly, and with my arms forward trying to analyze my surroundings.

"Sorry, baby, just a sayin'" He holds my waist and I listen the closing of the door. He moves and grabs my hand and leads me to the right of the apartment.

"You know? You look pretty with th-

"Shut up!" I blush before he says his thought and I hear him chuckle.

"Now..." He stands behind me and takes off the blindfold "Surprise"

"What the..." I adjust to the light, the new view and the beautiful furniture in front of me, filled with my favorite things "You... How?

"Took time but... it is just for you... so you can organize and save all your beautiful books"

I get closer to the bookshelf, and see all the books lined up by series, some by genre and in some spaces beautiful funko pop's of my favorite princesses and some art work of my favorite books.

"How did you know?"

He shrugs.

"Google and Tiktok, and Chat GPT, too" he chuckles and gets closer. "You like it?"

I look at him and tears fall down my eyes. Just to think he took time of his own to look and organize all this, fills my heart with joy"

"Baby, what is-" he craddles my face.

"Just hug me"