Chronic Overreactor @roach-witch - Tumblr Blog

Poor thing, she's dying from cringe 😔

I can't leave comments because of some network error

At Shane and Ilya's wedding Ilya took the mic and out of nowhere started giving a genuinely heartfelt speech about how Scott Hunter's brave decision to come out after winning the Cup transformed his life and made this all possible. It's so out of character and kind that it visibly moves Kip to tears and Scott isn't far behind.

He ends it with "As a thank you we dedicate this next song to you, Hunter."

And then he starts blasting "Dinosaur" by Ke$ha

Scott has to remind himself it's rude to murder the groom at a wedding.

ilyannarozanova

Shane Hollander post coming out mic'd up slinging the most cutting, vicious, objectively true comments about his opponents' play styles and hockey prowess, always delivered in his most serious deadpan captain voice that betrays zero personal attachment to the results of whatever scathing advice he's giving out. He never uses players' names either, just numbers. It drives the rest of the league fucking insane.

Some examples of Shane chirps that cause full-on brawls while he skates cleanly away to go chug designer electrolyte saline solution by the bench with his delighted husband:

"Hey Number 56 if you practiced your footwork more you could catch up to me and look me in the eye while calling me slurs"

"Hey 34 your team might have a shot at winning something next year without you so if you want to be a real team player then consider quitting"

"Hey bud, ice is pretty slippery and hurts to fall on so maybe consider learning how to skate before getting on the rink next time"

"Hey 23 I know you'll always be one behind me but you could try a little harder not to take that literally every time we play"

And Ilya's personal all-time favorite that has him giggling and kicking his feet for weeks:

"I'd love to disrupt my usual style and throw something at you that's not objectively true, but all the best chirps already are so I'm out of good options :/"

mymoonandmyshane

its obvious to the centaurs when shane and ilya are fighting. not because theyre arguing and yelling at each other all the time, but because they are perfectly cordial to each other during practice. they dont chirp, bicker about plays, or roll their eyes at the other’s antics. they bring valid criticsm and advice just like they would any other day, but its all perfectly professional.

im imagining theyre doing drills and shane’s like: your speed’s good but you could be sharper when turning

and ilya goes: okay thanks for the feedback, you could be more aggressive during a board battle for the puck

shane: will do, thank you

all the centaurs internally: fuckkkk theyre saying “thank you” to each other for correcting their hockey, do we need a marriage counselor?

crucially their fights usually only last a day or two, so one day the centaurs are at defcon 2 trying to force them into a closet to make out up, and the next theyre breathing sighs of relief at shane calling ilya an asshole

yamball

the song of the summer is gay people wailing

tiramisutrexs

Consider

Black cat owner Shane Hollander who adopts one after retirement and at Ilya's urging, picks up sewing as a hobby to sew the cat tiny hats.

Ilya named him Marbles after Snoopy's brother as the cat has a habit of trying to mimic Ilya. Marbles is frequently unamused at the hats and has broken into the fridge 3 times.

carpysmiles

chaos

ankhegs-in-my-salad

I can't believe my brother spent all this time trying to get me to watch Letterkenny but failed to mention that the only reasonable person in the whole town is Super Autistic Man and also Evil Gerard Way is there.

thoughtsthinksandthings

Headcanon that baby Shane has a slight accent when speaking English, and it's for a super unexpected reason.

A few weeks post-partum, Yuna decided that their son should be bilingual. Yuna speaks to Shane in Japanese, and David speaks to him in French. Baby Shane catches on extremely quickly.

It isn’t until baby Shane is enrolled in daycare that the staff notices he has a hard time following directions and making friends.

Yuna and David find it hard to believe. At home, baby Shane is speaking two languages and actively translating between French and Japanese. It’s not until a few weeks later that Yuna comes to the realization.

“David,” she calls from the kitchen after hearing David read Shane a book in French. “Did we ever formally teach this kid English?”

And David is sitting there stunned, because no, no, they did not. Sure, David and Yuna spoke to each other in English, and to their friends and family in English when they visited the house, but they never spoke to Shane in English.

They enroll Shane in an English as a Second Language class (which really should be called English as a third language, in this case). Shane eventually catches up and becomes somewhat fluent in English, but he has this slight hybrid Euro-Asian accent when he speaks it.

penandinkprincess

unreasonably amused by the idea of itty bitty shane not wanting to get off the ice after practice to the point that david gets ON the ice to get him, so itty bitty does the "my bones are gone now" resistance move kids are so good at.

but fails to consider that ice is. so slippery.

like stage your protest all you want, buddy, but you have literally never been more move-able.

shrekhollander

Jade Pike: *Hayden, Shane and Jackie are inside the house getting food and Ilya is outside with the Pike kids and Anya* Uncle Shane, Uncle Ilya had an accident in the car... Ruby is helping him.

Shane and Hayden: *They get super concerned and get outside fast af because Ilya was showing off his Porsche to the kids, they immediately head out to see what happened*

Ilya: *Is stuck inside this thing*