PuRgAsToRy

[royaljos-blog]

*drops a bag of incense cones*

" I'm incensed, I'm fuming."

[great-and-small]

I am constantly thinking about this

[great-and-small]

This mild Wikipedia sentence is like the understatement of all time

Here are some crazy grasshopper mouse facts for those who are not familiar with the most badass mouse species on the planet

- They are primarily carnivorous, and their diet is made up of not only bugs but also snakes, lizards and other mice.

- They hunt like true predators, slowly stalking and creeping up on their prey before ambushing them. They will sometimes let out a screech as they attack.

- Like wolves, they howl to establish territory and have a specially developed throat to produce louder vocalizations. They will stand up on their hind legs and throw their head back to howl- a sound that can be heard from 100 meters away!

- Grasshopper mouse behavior is linked to lunar cycles and they are more active during a full moon.

- These mice have been hunting bark scorpions and evolving alongside them for so long that they’ve evolved a mutation where scorpion venom that is lethal to other animals is converted into a painkiller in the grasshopper mouse’s body.

[huffylemon]

[sigynpenniman]

“Sunset over the Grocery Box,” by me. The view from my father’s front yard in January 2014.

[slowspinningredemption]

“Sunset at the End of My Driveway (Excluding Pavements Covered With the Shite of One Million Dogs)” by me.

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

“Sunset from My Front Yard Taken on an iPod Touch in 2010″

[hydrojinn]

“Sunset in Nov 2021 Taken in the Parking Lot of the Pharmacy”

“sunset from the parking lot of the diner taken on an iphone 5 in 2016”

the view across the road partially eclipsed by house, 2017

[xxtc-96xx]

Taken from a stepladder putting up Christmas lights

-2014, front yard

[an-autistic-with-personhood]

“Brewing Storm on an Evening Commute”

And “Finally, no Power Lines”

-Sept. 30, 2020, passenger seat of a moving Buick

[naamahdarling]

Behind a near-defunct mall in super small-town OK. HUGE rays.

Park And See The View 2020

(it took seconds to happen)

Waiting for The Pharmacy Line to Move, 2021

Outside the McDonald’s Drive-Thru Window, 2018

[not-a-salty-christmas-tree]

Sunrise in early Mars 2022 at 05:09am, Walking Home from Work

[madphantom]

Sunset from the commie bar I occasionally volunteer at, 2023, taken five minutes before someone tripped down the stairs with a glass bottle in their hand while singing the Internationale

[whiskeytiddies]

Marble sky before I storm on my walk to the grocery store - 2023

[ilackallhonour]

some nondescript residential area that could be anywhere in the Netherlands - 2022

[old-long-john]

Sunset mackerel sky in Surrey, 2022

[beanarie]

queens boulevard, 2018

[sreyeh]

Sunrise over my high school’s football field (walking the track for gym class), 2021

[eldritchcorvidae]

Sunset from my front porch, circa 2010

[bumblebeerror]

Front stoop sunrise, October 2024

Being driven to work, September 2024

Back patio sunset, December 2023

[stinkweed-imp]

The car wash in town, 2025

[sstar-struck]

PLEASE the sky is always so pretty

[blueartistic813]

Sunset from Sep 2025 on third floor apartment window, taken on iPhone 14, in The Netherlands

[inkyshark]

Cloudy Sunset in the Weed Store Parking Lot, Feb 2025

[crazandlion]

“Do you love the colour of the sky?”

[birdandmoon]

A snake story, based on an experience I had while I was in Florida.

[mando-lore]

[dliok]

Acorn

[anxietyproblem]

[royaljos-blog]

Ah, but see the problem is, you're only doing one of these a day, instead of doing them everyday for a week. No, you can't pick the first two.

[vangoghcore]

by daniel_casson

[headspace-hotel]

So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled “big crystal,” as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This

And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.

So I did some looking around on Etsy.

Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the “witchy”/“spiritual healing” type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.

Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesn’t form crystals at all, it is not a crystal

I’m not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?

[headspace-hotel]

So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.

And as I scroll, I start to see items in...interesting shapes:

“Oh,” I think to myself. “Oh no.”

But it is too late. I have heard the siren’s song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.

These...elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as “massage wands,” “crystal healing wands,” and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, “yoni eggs.”

...Right. Okay.

Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.

IT’S A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, IT’S A SEX TOY, IT’S OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THERE’S NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,

OKAY.

Okay. I’m good. I’m fine.

Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.

Additionally, I am not fine.

Why the fuck are there so many of these—

At this point I stop and start googling.

Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.

For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.

NO. DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DON’T PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????

I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.

I google fluorite.

Okay.

Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.

Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.

(I google the pH of the vagina.)

I don’t understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:

I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.

Science.

[headspace-hotel]

No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.

I have opened Pandora’s box, except Pandora’s box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.

And vaginal steam herbs.

It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.

Okay, so we’re talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.

(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)

At this point, I realize that I haven’t done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used...internally.

First result that pops up:

That’s, uh. That’s reassuring.

I decide I’m incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.

There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But I’m getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.

Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.

...pleasure chalk?

How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?

Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?

Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:

I check in with my emotions.

Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I don’t know what they expected.

I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.

This, unlike the other “crystals” I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.

Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earth’s crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.

Then I see this:

Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. There’s no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.

I read the description:

I am crying. I don’t want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.

THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THAT’S QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTH’S CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IM—

I click on a malachite.

The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.

I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.

Big Brother: loved.

Geology lab I’m supposed to be doing: incomplete.

God: unmerciful.

[normal-horoscopes]

SEVERAL PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SENDING ME THIS AND HERES AN EXPLANATION:

The lost continent of Lemuria is a fictional theoretical continent theorized by some anthropologists to exist where the indian ocean is now. It found it's place in occult history around 1860 when russian Occultist Madame Helena Blavatsky wrote a book theorizing that humanity is actually descendant from several "Root Races" one of which was the fabled Lemurians.

The new-age movement of the 60s and 70s saw a return of the Lemurian mythology. Many small cults and pyramid schemes promised to "unlock the nascent spiritual power of your lemurian ancestry"

In the deeper lore, Lemuria was the knowledge-loving, pacifist, and spiritual opposite of the warlike, mechanized, and imperial Atlantis, and both civilizations were lost during their cataclysmic time-travel war, the "Atlantean-Lemurian Hyperwar"

A "Lemurian Seed Crystal" is supposedly their parallel for a computer. And that many natural crystal formations are actually the remnants of ancient lemurian data centers, whose information can only be unlocked by a lemurian descendant of significant psychic power. (powers which many grifters would offer to train you to unlock for a fee)

I'm not going to go too deep in to the Akashic Lines, it would take a while to deconstruct the layers of orientalism there, but understand that they're a type of sacred geometry that Blavatsky supposedly learned about when she travelled to india and found a secret temple where the Yogis had supposedly been waiting for a Magic White Person capable of receiving their secret knowledge.

[izzyhill]

[camiekahle-deactivated20190815]

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

[macncheese-blog]

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????

[pinkifingers]

That last fatal scream tho

[flawlessputaa-deactivated201610]

THE TERROR IN HIS SCREAM OH GOSH

[piss-pirate]

[chillyfeetsteak]

i’m crying

[smore-692-deactivated20170712]

WAAA-

[veritashopian]

I will always reblog this on the off chance some other poor soul has been searching for it

[molten-by-determination-deactiv]

IT’S BACK

[llibratin-deactivated20170617]

HOYL SHIT ITS B A CK

[not-a-recommended-url]

IT’S BACK?? ON MY DASH?

[keymageheartfilia]

re-blogging again xD

[lionowlonao3]

what was that we were just saying about still having posts circulating from ridiculous numbers of years ago? 😂

[best-of-reblogs]

[peptothesi]

I feel like it’s a duty to reblog such a natural treasure

[bogleech]

All those accounts though….

[thegeekogecko]

[royaljos-blog]

I could have been a furry by now if I had just finished Google's IT program 😮‍💨

[royaljos-blog]

One of the best parts about having ADHD is when you forget that you have food that you had not yet eaten, despite its destiny being slated long ago.

[sharp-tender-shock-deactivated2]

This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8

[headspace-hotel]

I hate that my aesthetic sense agrees with this but everything you just said was correct

[headspace-hotel]

I went back to dig up this post because I was thinking about poetry.

This is one of those non-poem things that are among my favorite poems.

As the OP stated, the use of alliterative consonants is aesthetically just great, especially the placement of the strongest use at the end: “fuck him on the floor.” The use of “chintz” is indeed great word choice.

Because I’m insane, decided to scan the poem:

Not only is the second sentence, indeed, perfect iambic pentameter, the entire poem is perfectly metered, though the first sentence has four iambs rather than five.

There are further things I love about this poem, though: I like the casual connotations of “keep it real” juxtaposed with “chintz.” It causes me to interpret the “chintz” more strongly as meaning something fake, a facade. There is also of course the coarseness of “fuck,” which is a contrast with “chintz” but a different kind of contrast, gutsy and carnal where “chintz” is flimsy and inanimate.

And then there is the storytelling: there is SO MUCH storytelling in just these two lines. To break it down: The speaker is having sex with a married man, in the house he shares with his wife, which is “filled with chintz”—something that here connotes fakeness, in contrast with “keep it real.”

The illicit encounter in the poem takes place within a house filled with facade, the flimsy construction of the wife’s marriage and domestic sphere, but the encounter itself is a taste of something “real.” That’s a story, and it’s just two lines.

This is EIGHTEEN SYLLABLES, y’all. The amount of meaning condensed into these eighteen syllables is stunning, and it is so elegantly done.

From a technical standpoint (and ive taken 300- and 400-level poetry classes so I can say this) this is damn near flawless as a poem.

[agent-octopus]

Kept thinking about this ever since I saw it and had to do something

[headspace-hotel]

there's art now

[jetlaggingbehind]

[questions-within-questions]

Ah dang to go further; the floor is framed as a refuge. As if there is literally no other space in this house that hasn't been populated by his wife with flimsy inanimate fakery. There is no space for this man in this house save for the floor. There is no space for him on the sofa, oon the counter tops, and most notably, no space for him in the marital bed.

[normal-horoscopes]

I’d also like to point out the use of the word “has.” The wife has filled the house with chintz. She isn’t filling the house with chintz. She doesn’t fill the house with chintz. She has filled the house with chintz. Use of the past-tense makes the wife a subtly removed element in the story, someone whose presence we see in the environment, but who is blissfully distant during the actors throes of passion. There is an element of physical as well as emotional separation from the wife that is catalyzed by being fucked on the floor. Use of the past tense is an end to the wife presence in the actors life, a carnal catharsis amid cold fragility and emotional distance.

[stargazing-enby]

This is my new favourite post in the world

[astronomical-bagel]

everyone cheer for the one (1) time tumblr had reading comprehension

[royaljos-blog]

I actually love how in-depth this is. Where can I find people that do this? I mean other than Tumblr. Okay, maybe I should just stay on Tumblr. All right, new question:

Where do I find Tumblr people who do this?

[royaljos-blog]

I hate this shit where people assign morality based on things they *could* have done instead of shit they do. You *could* have dedicated your life to volunteering, you *could* have grabbed all the stray carts out of the parking lot, you *could* have done a lot of shit, but all of a sudden it's a famous person and now they have a responsibility to fix all the worlds problems. How about we take a look at what she's *ACTUALLY* done:

"In 2013, Katy was appointed UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador for her commitment to improving the lives of children. From travelling to Vietnam and Madagascar to highlight the needs of some of the world’s most vulnerable, to raising awareness of UNICEF’s emergency relief efforts, Katy has used her voice to advocate for children across the globe. In 2016, she was honoured with UNICEF’s Audrey Hepburn Humanitarian Award.

Katy has also been a champion for LGBTQ+ equality and has received numerous awards for her work, including the Trevor Project's Hero Award in 2012, the Human Rights Campaign's National Equality Award in 2017, and amfAR’s Award of Courage in 2018."

https://www.unicef.org/goodwill-ambassadors/katy-perry#:~:text=From%20travelling%20to%20Vietnam%20and,UNICEF's%20Audrey%20Hepburn%20Humanitarian%20Award.

Founded this organization:

"The Firework Foundation’s mission is to empower children from underserved communities

by igniting their inner light through the arts."

https://www.fireworkfoundation.org/#:~:text=Firework%20Foundation%20%7C%20Camp%20Firework,Play%20Video

Named as an ambassador for this:

https://www.britishasiantrust.org/support-us/ambassadors/katy-perry/

Quote from her:

"I am especially honoured to be named an ambassador for the British Asian Trust and to use my voice to shine a light on the work that the British Asian Trust will be doing in South Asia, and to be a part of finding solutions to protect children from exploitation and abuse. Children are vulnerable and innocent and have to be protected.”

Please stop demonizing this person for taking a once in a lifetime opportunity and being happy about it.

[adaine]

the death of dvds is so fucked. what about bonus features

[adaine]

far far away idol would never happen now

[royaljos-blog]

Man, I should grab my other drink this one is almost gone.

Nah.

*cat*

Fuck. Guess I should have grabbed it.

[royaljos-blog]

I think we shouldn't be so harsh on Adam & Eve, an apple was literally the WORST fuckin choice. Kiwi of knowledge? Eh, can't be that good, I'll pass. Lemon of life? No thanks. But an APPLE? Gimme that shit rn idc you aren't keeping a variety of apple from me.

[eldritchbauble]

Your parents can love you and still be shitty abusive parents. They can mean well and still fuck up. They might fuck up without even knowing it's abuse.

Sometimes I think about how, when I was 5, my dad would make grilled cheese sandwiches and cut them into dinosaur shapes for me. Other times when I was hungry, he would refuse to feed me at all, because he decided that 5 was old enough for me to cook for myself when he didn't feel like doing it.

I think about how he taught me to swim, and fish, and (yes) throw a ball. In the summer, at night, he would wrap me in a huge comforter and carry me around outside to show me the constellations. But I hated being left alone with him because he was often bad tempered, mean to me for no reason, and I couldn't count on him for basic things like food.

Sometimes I think about how my mom raised hell in my high school principal's office in front of multiple faculty members because they weren't complying with my IEP (disability required accommodations). She always saw red if someone else laid a finger on me, even figuratively. When we were at home she screamed at me for things I had no control over and said I was using my illness to get my way.

I think about how she bought me art supplies and paid for lessons for all of my hobbies. She attended every single concert, performance, and game. I don't think I went a day without being told she loved me while growing up, and she constantly told me how proud she was. But I could never trust her mood and she could go from loving mother to terrorizing me before I knew what was happening.

My parents love me but I still flinch if someone in my vicinity washes a dish a little too aggressively. My parents never intentionally traumatized me, but my nervous system never knew the difference. Neither of my parents saw anything they did as abuse; they believed they were good parents. It wasn't until my mom was in her mid 60s that she grasped that her own childhood had been abusive, too.

They're not bad, irredeemable people. They're complex people with a lot of their own trauma who lacked many skills necessary for good parenting. I could hate them for it, but I don't. I'm not obligated to forgive them, and I don't think I have, and I don't know whether I ever really will. My parents damaged me a lot in ways that have affected my whole life, and I still have good memories with them.

[berkelbites]

Precisely the kind of shit I'm grappling with right now.

[royaljos-blog]

Yeah. 😮‍💨