rumours

you wouldn’t last an hour in asylum where they raised me

[rrsktr]

rita: *walking around the room*

trix: grl what is fucking going on?

rita: will it be legal to kill somebody but in my animal form so no one will know that it was me?

trix: …

rita: …

trix: honey I bet you think about my cousin when you talk about that shit

[percyweasleyapologist]

Dorcas: Killed a spider and now I feel bad... 

Marlene: Give birth to a spider to make up for it. 

Dorcas: ... 

Marlene: ...Why did I say that. 

Dorcas: Why DID you say that?

[rrsktr]

yeah, but furies (I mean rita + bellatriz + zoey yk) and barty crouch jr. would be so perfect bunch

[rrsktr]

it's all funny of course, but just imagine the faces of the black family when they were asked to write a family tree.

i'll give you an example: they are distant relatives of james potter, because signus black is dorea potter's nephew, she is the wife of carlus potter, who, in turn, is a distant relative of james.

this world is so complicated

[rrsktr]

*in the blacks' house*

delphi: auntie rita, but I still want to play with those bodies in the basement!

rita: no, girl, you're going to go to your aunt narcissa right now, because your mom and I need to talk.

bellatrix: what’s up, darling?

rita: *throws the child out the door*

YOU'D LIKE NOT TO KNOW HOW I HATE YOUR DAUGHTER, HER FATHER AND THE FACT THAT YOU SLEPT WITH A MAN

[rrsktr]

rita skeeter headcanons!!

1) I’m pretty sure that she’s a smoker. but she doesn’t smoke some kind of weed behind the garages, she has fancy cuban cigars. (most likely, she steals them from bella and vice versa);

2) we don't know exactly rita's blood purity and/or her house, but we can assume that she is either a half-blood or a pureblood. if she is pure-blooded, then i like to think that her parents wanted her to be in slytherin but the sorting hat chose ravenclaw;

3) I truly believe that rita could speak french. even if she wasn't a purebred, her entire social circle was. It's might be possible that she learned the language in order to be considered "one of their own" in their ranks;

4) how do you imagine this character? and if she is nervous or worried? I guarantee that at such moments rita twirls a strand of hair around her finger, purses her lips and adjusts her glasses non-stop;

5) finally, I have to admit that I can't help but think that rita carried a muggle audio recorder with her everywhere. like, carrying a pen and a notepad takes up a lot of space, and hot gossip is waiting around every corner.

[rrsktr]

evan: welcome to the death eaters!

barty: wow! it’s like a slytherin students reunion.

bellatrix: regulus?

regulus: wait I thought we were making matching tattoos-

[rrsktr]

excuse me, but marilyn monroe + “vogue” by madonna + miranda priestly + todays fashion news = perfect view of young rita skeeter

[rrsktr]

*first of September*

regulus: oh, hi, remus! are you ready for a new school year?

remus: oh, yes, the last year of school. I really wanted not to forget about my potion book.

peter: it’s alright, you can use mine.

sirius: it’s alright, you can use me!

remus: EXCUSE ME?

sirius: what?

james: no way you guys are still acting like you’re not a couple.

[rrsktr]

“so go and tell your friends that I’m obsessive and crazy; that’s fine I’ll tell mine that you’re GAY” is the most rita skeeter core lyrics 🚨🚨

[rrsktr]

regulus: I think I’m in love, mother…

valburga: she’s pureblood? pretty? smart? kind? obedient?

regulus: yeah… and so cute with glasses.

valburga: oh, son, I’m so happy for you! she seems so sweet. when we can meet each other?

regulus: oh, right now! james, please, join us.

james: *smiling* hello, mother!

[rrsktr]

rita: has anyone seen my glasses?

mary: they are here on the fireplace!

regulus: leave them, rita, you don’t want to see this.

dorcas: yeah, it’s just sirius arguing with bellatrix.

rita: *grabed glasses and a voice recorder* i don’t WANT to see it, I NEED TO SEE IT.

[rrsktr]

remus: what you’ve just said?

barty: black lovers. we call you like that.

remus: who is “us”?

evan: look! there’s rita skeeter in the bellatrix’s room, james poter near regulus, you’re here with sirius and here’s alice fortescue kissing cissy. btw, anybody see my sister?

barty: *about to kiss pandora*

evan: BARTY YOU’RE NOT GAY?!

[rrsktr]

rita: anybody seen my notebook? I put it somewhere

pandora: well, I think someone from slytherine took it

rita: shit.

bellatrix: “I wanna fck futur lady lestrange”- EXCUSE ME WHAT