Work it

She/her

[sprinklefein]

i dont carry a gun, i drive

[tfemlarslindstrom]

part 3/?

[powdered-rainbow]

healy greedy as hell

[duckinpink]

Scolioses Grace pt 2(pt 1)

I do not envy him.

[pixarsource]

Hoppers (2026), dir. Daniel Chong

[bye-cass]

Still shots from my latest bloodymary post

0/1k on my Kofi is met, consider helping me out since the deadline is next month 💔 my comms are open but I'm also taking donations

[beepbeepblunderbus]

was chirping back and forth in boredom about what the worst time for simon to appear would be and it couldn’t be decided on, however one of the suggestions was funny as fuck to me. so i am sharing.

grace, having a Very Bad Day:

rocky, trying to help: we could do something that makes you happy

grace: hmmmm sleepover

rocky: i always watch you sleep

grace: well, yeah, but i mean like the human thing. with snacks and movies and other dumb stuff

rocky: so a normal night

grace, sighing: sure. just. humor me

(during the sleepover, watching a horror movie)

grace: oh i forgot! there’s this thing humans do sometimes during sleepovers to get scared

rocky, trying to be supportive and look not worried:

grace: you go in the bathroom and say “bloodymary” three times in the mirror and you see a… a ghost I guess?

rocky: ghost?

grace: complicated. dead person that still moves around but can’t touch anything or be seen most of the time. no physical body

rocky: not complicated. also: hate that idea

grace, going into the bathroom:

grace, staring at reflection: eh, might as well

grace, jokingly: bloody mary, bloody mary, bloody—

(lights go out)

grace: ROCKY WHAT THE HECK

rocky: something happen?

grace: TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON

rocky, flicks the switch:

grace, looking up and seeing simon in the window next to the mirror, just fucking coated in blood:

(after fainting)

rocky: GRACE. ARE YOU OKAY? YOU SCARED ME.

grace: ahaha, i guess i stayed up too late. i thought i saw a-

grace, noticing simon curled up in the corner looking very nervous:

grace: hey rock do me a solid and tell me you see him too

rock: oh, yes. the other human is here. your ritual worked. you brought a ghost to us. good job

grace:

grace, staring at rocky: say you’re joking right now

rocky: i’m joking right now

simon: >:(

grace: YOU. DO NOT. MOVE.

simon, curls in on himself more:

grace, torn between feeling guilty and scared: stay right there. do not come any closer. rocky— who is that

rocky, joking tone: bloody mary

grace: NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES ROCKY

rocky: incorrect. i’m diffusing tension.

[finnthephrog]

Simon being from an alternate universe that Grace did exist in. But in his universe Grace had all his memories in space and sabotaged the mission and he’s become a scapegoat for all the problems with the stars. Simon has this hatred toward the historical coward Ryland Grace who sacrificed earth for his own selfishness.

When he meets Grace in space he tries to attack him not out of fear but out of vengeance because it’s his fault Simon had to go in the sub, It’s his fault the stars died, and it’s his fault Simon’s no longer fully human.

[machineorcs]

If I were a sith and I got murdered by my apprentice I would be so embarrassed. I think the only thing more embarrassing than getting murdered by your apprentice would be if your sith master (who is 20 years YOUNGER than you. Embarrassing on its own.) didn't even bother to murder you himself but instead got his boytoy that you kind of look down on to do it for him.

[blumineck]

I’ve got a lot of Thoughts(tm) about The Odyssey at the moment, but damnit Blum I’m an archer, not a film critic, so here’s something in my lane!

[idgabuck]

I know everyone and their mother has a reverse Bloodymary AU but I really love the idea of pilot Simon being the sole survivor and him feeling fucking useless because he doesn’t know science or engineering! Then he meets Rocky (because in my reverse AU, Grace is having to deal with Ellie and Simon having to deal with Rocky lmao) who’s an engineer and he’s like “thank fuck for that! But we’re still screwed as we have no scientists to do all these experiments or research that we can send back to Earth and for you to bring to Erid.”

Cue them meeting and saving Grace (ha) and once Grace has recovered mostly, he finds the lab and it’s like that scene from beauty and the beast where he shows her the library. Yeah, imagine a mutated Grace getting so excited about the lab and instantly knowing what to do and Simon is like “fuck…..”

[mf-dooom]

[yetanothergreyjedi]

that is the face of a man worried he will be next

[ashtraythief]

Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.

[luulapants]

Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.

[whetstonefires]

crane husband.....

[roach-works]

this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.

[alex51324]

(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:

Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s.  The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.  

As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.  

It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.  

Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.  

The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.

They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.   

Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.  

Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.  

Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.  (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)  

It worked!  

Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.  

However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.  (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)

Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.  White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive.  (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)  

[thesylverlining]

Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")

chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"

[anais-ninja-bitch]

just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.

well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.

[largishcat]

[eshlimoriarty]

[lazorsandparadox]

Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes

[queersatanic]

the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was

[worldheritageposts-official]

World Heritage Post

[kedreeva]

I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.

[optimysticals]

Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe

[catsi]

in grade 12 we were reading romeo and juliet and we were at the romantic-ass balcony scene and this hot girl in the class volunteered to read juliet’s parts and i put up my hand to volunteer for another part and the teacher goes ‘oh do you want to be the nurse, amanda?’ and i was like ‘no i wanna be romeo’ and the hot girl swiveled around in her seat to give me a Look™

she and i later ended up making out at a bunch of parties in university lmfao

[catsi]

in retrospect this moment was absolutely pivotal to my butch awakening but it was also just a lesbian power move

[eyeballs-2-entrails]

I too got a girlfriend over this play. In grade 10, I was reading the balcony scene to study with two other people (one guy and one beautiful girl) and I insisted point blank I had to read as romeo, because he had the most lines and I’m a dramatic little shit.

So the other two in my group are used to my antics by now. We’re all friends, so the pair of them decide that the one guy in our group gets to be the nurse. Now, my Juliet and I have been friends for a couple months by this point, so I decide to be a little more dramatic.

We put Juliet on a spinny chair, and pump it up as tall as it goes, and my baby, closeted lesbian ass crouches on the floor, ready to be as melodramatic as possible. Like, I’m about to do a rendition that makes William himself walk into the class and tell me to take it back a notch or twelve.

And then I look up.

And holy shit.

There she is, Juliet, haloed in the worst fluorescent light known to mortals across the globe. Light just streaming down around her, that weird off-green colour that it always is. And she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. My little gay soul is barely holding on as the words barely leave my lips, breathlessly. “But soft… what light from yonder window breaks?”

And Juliet was the sun. Romeo was not exaggerating that line at all.

Juliet and I have also been together for more than 4 years now. She’s every bit as spectacular as she was when I was a lovestruck teenage Romeo, kneeling on the yellowed linoleum floor of second block english.

[rebakitt3n]

[uncivilcivilservice]

Obi-Wan and Anakin with text post memes I stole from Project Hail Mary edits

[firewalkwithmedvd]

Was trying to make a joke about TV writing to my friend the other day and had to pause and go "...does the phrase 'surf dracula' mean anything to you?"

[firewalkwithmedvd]

One of the most important critical texts of this century imo

[hypokeimena]

image description: tweet by @/topherflorence, reading: back in the day if u did a tv show called surf dracula you'd see that fool surfing every week in new adventures but in the streaming era the entire 1st season gotta be a long ass flashback to how he got the surfboard until you finally get to see him surf for 5 min in the finale /end description

[forsesam]

overthinking </3

[vexatiousvic]

"masculinity is rewarded in women" "masculinity is accepted in women"

I had a friend who woke up at 4am to shower and apply makeup and everything. Lost literally sleep just to do this, wasted at least 3 hours each day. One day, she didn't feel like it and went to work without makeup. Her boss, a woman, pestered her all day and wanted to send her home. She never went to work without makeup again

The daughter of an acquaintance went to a nice school and sang in a choir there for years. Was very good, went to every concert. When she was about 15, she cut her hair. She still agreed to wear the mandatory gown even though she was a "tomboy". She just loved choir. School banned her from representing school. Because of her hair. Because girls should have long hair or the "aesthetics" were off

I'm not a woman or female but I'm read as such and whenever I have a buzzcut, strangers I've barely spoken to just try to touch it. Touch my head. Just reach out and caress my head without asking. Because they "want to know what it feels like"

Women who don't perform femininity (correctly) get harassed and their bodily autonomy taken away. They get bullied and touched without consent. They get everything commented on (if you think "brave" is a compliment you've never had it used on you)

If you don't think that femininity is enforced, and often violently, you're either a moron or you have no good intentions

In any case, I'm just not interested in what you have to say