vent acc

trigger warnings: trauma dumping, s3lf h@rm, s*icide, s*xual assault, homophobic harassment etc. | minors DNI

[traumasurvivors]

It is your responsibility to heal, but you know what? That wasn’t fair. And I want to acknowledge that.

You don’t deserve to have to heal from the things others did to you. You didn’t deserve what happened.

While you do have to do the work to heal, it’s okay to be angry that you have to in the first place. And it’s easy to get stuck on the fact that you shouldn’t have to. And I get that. But please don’t give up. You should heal because you deserve to be the healed you. It’s not fair you have to do it, but you deserve to heal.

[bikerbutchbait]

masculine women are so sexy when they do that breathing in oxygen thing

[running-low-on-serotonin]

femme women are so sexy when they do that breathing in oxygen thing

[snakeautistic]

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

[the-lincyclopedia]

I only realized recently that it's kind of fucked up that my first thought when asked icebreaker questions like "If you were a cookie, what kind of cookie would you be?" or whatever, my first instinct is to pick the kind that I think is most widely hated, specifically because it's the most widely hated, because my most consistent and defining trait is that the vast majority of people who have met me hate me. Like, for nearly a decade it didn't register that this was unusual or unhealthy or sad. It was just normal.

[running-low-on-serotonin]

this is how it felt being undiagnosed as an autistic kid like i knew i was different to most of the other kids i just couldn't put my finger on what it was

i remember kids n even sometimes teachers completely blanking me even tho i was standing there talking to them, repeating myself louder in case they hadn't heard me

im thinking w the teachers they were thinking along the lines of 'if u dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all' i must've been saying stuff that sounded dumb n they couldn't think anything other than 'shes so weird/dumb/cringe'

[running-low-on-serotonin]

so like here's a thing iv never really talked about to anyone

WHEN I WAS A KID I WAS SO AFRAID OF QUICKSAND CUZ I HEARD IT CAN KILL PPL (irl it basically never does) THAT I KEPT IMAGINING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I HAD IT ON MY BEDROOM FLOOR - I PICTURED MY FAMILY IN MY ROOM SINKING N ME ON THE TOP BUNK OF THE BUNKBED WANTING TO SAVE THEM BUT BEING UNABLE TO

i was SO BOTHERED BY THIS HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO THAT I TOOK IT UPON MYSELF TO FIND SOME STRING TYPE STUFF N WRAP IT AROUND THE SIDE OF THE BED INCASE IT EVER HAPPENED SO I COULD PULL UP MY FAMILY N SAVE THEM (it wasn't rope it wouldn't have been strong enough, but i was like 7yrs old at the time n so kinda dumb ig)

one day my dad noticed the string n asked what it was there for n i explained - he was obviously like wtf that's not gonna happen n he laughed and suggested taking it off but i was like 'NO i just.. like having it here' (in my head was like, 'i NEED to keep it there JUST IN CASE) n he left it n that was the end of that conversation

and i feel like i shoulda brought that up in therapy

[running-low-on-serotonin]

im here again bc i said smth on twt that (understandably) bothered someone so i came here to post every thought that comes into my head

that being said im HORNY

[running-low-on-serotonin]

some1 pls k!ll meee

[running-low-on-serotonin]

im apparently just as socially inept online as i am irl

[running-low-on-serotonin]

i was accidentally weird to someone on twt and they screenshotted what i said and posted it w smth along the lines of 'this is so weird' so im coming on here for now

[running-low-on-serotonin]

have a tolerable non-suicidal-ideation-inducing christmas

[running-low-on-serotonin]

UPDATE: A YEAR LATER - im no longer suicidal, over a year clean from sh, have an amazing gf who i love to bits so i won't be spending christmas alone this year (and hopefully never will) , im certainly not rich but iv got enough money to live off of which is a huge relief for me

last year i was too broke to buy many gifts, just a couple cheap ones, didn't send cards and was too depressed to put up decorations or cook a christmas dinner. spent christmas day w a toxic friend n we just ate oven chips cuz that's all I could handle making. i didnt believe i deserved to live let alone be happy

my mental health isn't perfect n i still get anxious n sometimes depressed but im pretty stable for the most part and have made soo much progress since last year w help from my gf and therapist. im so, so much happier and calmer.

it can get better, i swear. its worth it.

[running-low-on-serotonin]

love scrolling through my own posts id forgotten about half of them

not to toot my own horn but QUALITY content

[running-low-on-serotonin]

where TFs that poem i wrote on here about my mum entitled 'fucc u' it was hands down the best poetry iv ever written but i think i must've deleted it , worried someone i know irl would see it

[running-low-on-serotonin]

i wanna go break into a billionaires kitchen n just stuff my face w good food w out worrying about the price

[running-low-on-serotonin]

5 and a half months clean from self harm its been a bit tougher than i thought itd be but i kept my word to him even tho im not sure he cares much about me

[running-low-on-serotonin]

UPDATE IM OVER A YEAR CLEAN NOW !! 🩵🩵🩵

and still going strong 🌼

[running-low-on-serotonin]

One time i was sexting my crush at the time n i was like 'i cannot stress this enough i could do this all day' n he's like uh huh so how bout another hour n im like YAS n then half way through he said he had to go to IKEA w his mum n fucking left

[running-low-on-serotonin]

HEY YALL

TO ANYONE WHO FOLLOWS MY TWITTER IM OKAY, JUST CANT SEEM TO GET BACK INTO MY ACC for some reason. i mean im logged in but not a single tweet will load , but my main acc is completely fine

anyways hopefully i can get it to work before anyone gets worried

i haven't self harmed or been suicidal in a while so they probably guessed im okay. plus i literally was on there like 24 hours ago just FEELS LIKE A LONG TIME BC IM HOOKED ON TWITTER lmao

[novagrippia]

I hope I am not only a mutual to you, but a source of confusion also

[sweetiesugarbird]

My friend’s bird is named Simple and she won’t stop landing in this place where she’s not allowed to go so we made a sign

[sweetiesugarbird]