my friends tell me i'm a lot

emrys | 26 | slytherin | aries | intp | they/them | accidentseason on ao3 | icon by raspberry0rain

[homunculus-argument]

2026 roommate: The dishwasher's loaded. 1926 roommate, having a black coffee, a cigarette, a shot of whiskey, two uppers and a downer for breakfast: Then what the fuck's he washing dishes for?

[geniusbee]

these are getting weird

[miiilowo]

having feelings that contradict your morals is soooo fucking annnoooooyyyiiingggggg. can the emotions and logic department get on the same page im tired of having to like strangle myself into being a tolerable person

[en-theos]

getting really tired of going to craft markets and seeing 17 stands of ""homemade jewelry"" where the homemade part is attaching earring hooks to mass produced charms bought in bulk online. i think we've lost sight of the idea here folks

[byjove]

I cannot wrap my head around all of the terrible in-law stories from women on Reddit as a man because my tolerance for bullshit from my family is so low. If my girlfriend was like “Your grandma is making me really uncomfortable.” I’d be like “Right. We’re leaving.” and wait for her to get in the car before being like “Nana, what the fuck were you saying to her, you shitty old fuck?” It’s totally baffling to me to see these dudes spent 18+ years in their nasty toxic families and then still remain up their mama’s ass to the detriment of their S/O, their children and themselves. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had a healthy family but if I even met someone who was like “I have Sunday dinner with my family every week as a grown adult and I ask my mom permission for every major thing I do and if you’re not interested in having Forced Family Fun Time every week, I don’t think we can be together.” I’d think that is weird and a turnoff and not cute at all.

[anotherknifeinmyhands]

sometimes i feel myself actively fucking up a social interaction in real time. like a sim.

[theweirdwideweb]

[thatnordicguy]

anchorage lol

repeat urgent request more diphtheria antitoxin lol

nome in grave danger lol

please help lol

[weepingwitch]

it actually feels good as fuck to tilt your head at a slight angle when you don't understand something. the animals were right

[anew-jackson]

every thing i see about horses ever: the average horse eats at least one baby a year and will die of malnutrition if it doesn’t, horses can understand latin but only the demonic kind, horses bones are made of eggshell and they are known to cause psychic disturbances to pregnant women

every thing i hear about donkeys: donkeys are actually known to jump in front of bullets aimed at their owners during robberies and their favorite pastime is cuddling. donkeys favorite food is strawberries and they also can beat video game levels you struggle at for over an hour. they make great best men at weddings, and like to watch LOTRs extended edition

[miiilowo]

Killing yourself shouldn't kill you. I should be able to die recreationally

[miiilowo]

accidentally following someone and hurriedly unfollowing them invokes the same feeling to me as being a kid and accidentally talking to a complete stranger because you mistook them for your mom

[professorsparklepants]

My mother was informed that the reason our sourdough starter is sub-par is because we didn't name it. So now I have to call her Gretchen.

[professorsparklepants]

Update: this worked.

[cryptotheism]

(genuinely offended) "I trust all of my viziers"

[vakariasdragon]

as you should, my liege… here, enjoy this almond scented wine…

[cryptotheism]

This is why I fuck with you

[serenadeformice-deactivated2025]

Girl who is about to tell you the saddest fucking thing you've ever heard in your life: Okay so funny story actually, when I was a kid-

[cartoonscientist]

things chronically outside people say:

“wait! gotta put on my sunscreen” [you’re about to walk to 7/11]

“tick season, tuck your pants”

“you know, tick season just keeps getting longer and longer with climate change”

“why didn’t you have your knife with you?”

[knocks their shoes on the sidewalk and fifty pounds of dirt clods fall off]

[going into the rain without an umbrella] “I mean, you’re gonna get wet eventually, right?”

“I hear the rockhounding in this part of the county is INSANE”

“it rained last night, and you know what that means: MUSHROOMS”

[homunculus-argument]

Every time someone confidently tells me that they don't believe in free will, I am pressed by a sudden urge to slap them. Not because I hate their beliefs or anything, but just to see how they'd respond.

[7842758406546745643087-deactiva]

being a kid watching the spongebob movie and having no knowledge of why david hasselhoff would make a cameo in that film, nor who he is in general, and just radically accepting the fact that spongebob and patrick were saved by some shirtless speedboat dude with no context