Sorry Mom. Sorry God.

Sara. 30. She/her

[tokkibean]

nothing reveals typos better than the ao3 publish button. who needs spellcheck honestly

[hellenhighwater]

I HAVE RECEIVED

ANOTHER

FUCINKG

WORM

[hellenhighwater]

I've learned (the hard way) that Vice sings a special song when he's bringing me a fresh worm. This song is called Get The Dustpan.

i do not want it

[doomtemparts]

one of my friends in a discord server was talking about how they were nervous about their first scheduled acupuncture appointment. another friend offered to do a tarot reading for them. sent this picture.

[louisegluckpdf]

basically what were gonna do is blog

[7777777awawawa7777777]

“i must be faking this for attention” thinks the girl who isn’t even telling anyone about it

[maxknightley]

everyone more pretentious than me is an insufferable poseur and everyone less pretentious than me is a clueless philistine

[maxknightley]

romantic and sexual partner.

[starlightomatic]

i’ve invented a new microwave its called microwave 2. it randomly makes your food colder 9% of the time. don’t worry i’ve already entered your home and replaced your old microwave with it. im very good at technology

[starlightomatic]

this is about google’s ai overview

[finnglas]

gonna be real i thought this was just about normal microwaves

[trapped--under--rice]

please behold the 24 Hours of Lemons race, in which you can only spend $500 total on a car to cross country race for 24 hours

named after the legendary 24 hour Le Mans race, Lemons rallies barely legal cars in an endurance race across America. had the privilege of sharing the freeway with this race and seeing the absolute art od this event

[friendly-neighborhood-patriarch]

This is so American I could CRY

[hogmilked]

oh this is nothing. some of my favorite lemons entries are:

an airplane stuck on a toyota minivan

this miata built by rocket scientists

the mr2 boat

the nyan cat bmw that i think actually played the song at all times

the homer simpson car built by uranium workers

this limo whose brakes caught on fire

the dumbest corolla and supra wearing funny hats

and so much more. 24 hours of lemons my beloved

[moishe-pipick]

[subaru-copilot]

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

[mogblin]

the thing about job searching is i see all these job postings and im like i dont wanna do any of this for any of you

[meangirlnurse]

i'm trying to save money but oh my god. jesus christ

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.

[captain-acab]

You decide it’s best to find out what you can about this person. Cautiously, you approach his desk. He’s a handsome man, tall, but with a disarming smile. How could such a friendly guy with such cute, dorky glasses be dangerous?

You extend your hand. “I noticed you’re new here. What’s your name?”

He shakes your hand warmly. His gaze is piercing, as if he’s looking right through you. “The name’s Clark,” he says. “So, how long have you worked for the Daily Planet?”

[misscrazyfangirl321]

This one wins.

[janothar]

It’s been a few weeks, and one of Clark’s friends shows up.  She’s pretty and all, enough muscle that she must work out.  First thought would be that she should be maybe a 6.

Clark’s introducing her around.  “This is my good friend, Diana, she’s in from out of town.”

You blink, and take a step back in fear.  You’ve never seen an 11 before.

[aniseandspearmint]

The day Bruce Wayne shows up for his long promised interview with Lois Lane, you can’t help it, the mug your holding drops from your fingers and sends a shock of hot coffee and ceramic shards across the floor.

Clark stops a few feet away and squints at you worriedly from behind those ridiculous glasses you’re 99% sure he doesn’t actually need, and asks tentatively, “Everything all right?”

You ignore him in favor of staring at the inky dark numerals hovering over the beaming fool gesticulating some fantastic yacht story for a gaggle of secretaries and minor columnists.

That’s it. Your gift has officially gone haywire. There is no other explanation. Because there is absolutely no way that Brucie Wayne is a 10.

[petitstar]

At this point, you’ve seen it all. Miled manner reporters and billionaires at a 10 and a model-like woman at 11. You were really starting to doubt your power. The day you really stopped believeing in it was when Bruce Wayne came for another visit, and this time with a kid. The kid couldn’t be more than 10 years old, a bit on the short side.

He was an 8.

[lainathewitch]

The day you started believing in it again was when you saw on tv the formation of something called the justice league.

There were those same numbers over superman, batman, wonder woman and robin. That’s when you put two and two together. You wonder how nobody at the daily planet noticed that Clarke was Superman with glasses. You wonder why you didn’t notice. You wonder why nobody put two and two together that Diana Prince and Wonder Woman looked exactly the same. You look in the mirror as the realization hit you and you see your own number change from a 3 to a 9.

[ribbonsflyingoutthewindow]

I don’t think I’ve ever actually reblogged this magnificent post and that’s shame.

[dc-comics-heritage-posts]

dc comics heritage post

[roycohn]

do it scared. do it stupid. but most importantly, do it bitching and moaning the entire time

[danielkanhai]

it would suck being a new immortal. like it’d be 2109 and people would go, “what was it like seeing ancient civilizations rise and fall like that? seeing the pyramids being built? watching the expansion and growth of the new world?” and i’d just be like, “no…no i was born in 1991. so like, wow i’m gonna see some cool stuff, but, i mean i’m not that much older than just a really, really old person, you know? phones were big back then. so big. but only for like ten years, then they got like, as good as they are now. uh. rhinos existed. don’t think i ever saw one in person. cool, good talk.”

[ayellowbirds]

even worse, imagine being an immortal who keeps missing stuff. “What was it like seeing the pyramids being built?” “Fuck if I know, I was in Madagascar.” “Oh, okay. Well, how was the Renaissance?” “I fell down a hole in Scotland and people thought I was an enchanted well for four hundred years, it was over by the time I convinced someone to get me out.”

[erkhyan]

And now, a lesson in biases:

We barely know anything about Madagascar pre-500CE. We don’t even know whether the island had a permanent population before then, despite finding a bunch of much older signs of temporary human presence.

Malagasy mythology makes mention of the vazimba, a “precursor” ethnic group that might or might not be distinct from Madagascar’s current population.

The point is, we do not know.

So you were in Madagascar when the pyramids were being built in Egypt, i.e. during one of the most obscure, most undocumented parts of Madagascar’s human history?

Oh, buddy, you better go and make a bunch of anthropologists and archeologists really happy RIGHT NOW instead of feeling bad about missing everyone else’s pet Major Event.

[ayellowbirds]

It’s been a decade since we left that comment and you have the best reply anyone’s left to it.

[switchnx]

Besides, the trick to being immortal for this long is to NOT be around when the big bad shit goes down

[twinkhole-destroyer]

the weather determines if I’m going to be evil

[ceruleanheaven]

i just wanna do nothinggggg 😭😭😭😭😭 which is like what im already doing but i wanna do it in a way that doesnt actively ruin my life 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭