My "casual smart" life

This blog is ment to reflect moments or spontanious ideas / thoughs in the greyzone of "casual smart" of my business-/ and private life.

[saschapeter]

Tube Strikes in London

Due to recent events I thought I kinda elaborate a little bit on the irritation which is the tube strikes in London.

They are not happening that often. Didn’t used to anyways but they are happen often enough that you kinda notice that they do happen. Whilst the proud Londoneer, humble and noble in it’s nature, is well prepared for the fight and tragedy of an overcrowded and elongated travel ahead, we still have reasons to moan about it.

The last tube strike was about money and the upcoming changes in the tube network in regards of the night lines, which in my humble opinion are a great thing. I personally feel way better about using an underground system which is highly surveyed than waiting at a bus stop in a shady corner or walk along streets. Not that I necessarily think that something will happen - and I do have my very own thoughts on the super surveillance as well as many others may do too, but if I had to choose between tube and bus or walking, I’d always pick tube above anything (except I do feel very ill from too much or too mixed liquids).

I only picked up a few headlines and statistics about the last tube strike, but I think the real reasons behind the strike where not necessarily the tube drivers per say and their salary, but managers and above who kept pushing the drivers to stand up for something which in comparison is not necessarily the worst of all situations.

Having seen the “base salary” for entry and experienced tube driver, I’m almost considering to become one, as it pays well better than my current job in a social enterprise as developer.

The drivers would have gotten a good deal with the x % increase of the salary for those whom participate in night shifts, yet they refused. That was offered after they would have liked a fixed amount in addition to their current salary. The difference was not too big per say in comparison. 

The only victims of the strikes really are the passengers. Hard working people of London and tourists, which will have to allocate a lot of additional travel time into their routine. 

Dear Tube drivers, we all would like more money. Please don’t let it out on us - as we can’t change anything for you if you are not willing to cooperate neither when you get offered a raise in salary. 

Sincerely,  A tube user

[saschapeter]

Devotion

Let’s talk about devotion.

Devotion is really strong and intense. It can be something really pure - or quite dangerous if you are not able to channel it in the right way.

I’ve devoted myself to become a source of advice, trust and care as well as shelter for those whom I truly trust and care about. 

This sort of devotion inherits from what was my experience of my teens. Or somewhere along the lines. Also got it from my mum to be honest. 

Growing up by my mother, having a lot of freedom as a single child and experiencing a lot of trust was something which really allowed me to kinda figuring things out.

Usually, people with too much freedom may end up in a bad spot. They may slip into drugs, alcohol, false friends. Lost one friend to drugs and alcohol. It sucks. 

I guess I was lucky to have been kinda an outsider. I had video games which connected me to the older village teens and we’ve been there for each other and been supporting each other, kinda kept each other from doing shit. Unlike the younger teens. Men am I happy that I ended up in the older group. Even a few of the younger people rather wanted to stick with us older ones than anything. 

My friends back then showed me that friends to stick together and help each other.

My idols showed me that you should stay true to yourself and your ideals - if you are truly believe that they are good and you have confirmation that they are for good and not damaging, you should fight for them and stay with them.

My mother showed me that when you can help a friend, you should help a friend, that you can go through troubled times with finances but still can have a good life where you feel loved, and that if you have someone who truly want’s to help you or does offer so, that you should not only try to trust into that person if he has shown you multiple times that you actually can do but also that you should take the help.

I don’t have too many people I need to take care off. I have myself. I have a mother which is living in a different country. Most of the closer friends I have contact with open care for them self.

If any of those few people do need me however, the natural result is that they will get quite a focused and concentrated amount of help / attention / enthusiasm about helping. 

I’m unfortunately not an extrovert nor do I enjoy to have a bigger amount of people around me. Nor would I have the energy to truly care for more than a hand full of people at once or do it constantly I don’t believe. But I’m quite happy to do so in moderation. And I have a moderately big pool of mana I can tap into if I need to to do my magic.

[saschapeter]

Just not fair

Life’s not always fair. 

You’ll run into many situations in which you’ll find yourself being too good - too bad - too big - too short - too fat - too slim - too young - too old. 

And those situations hardly come just once from one side - they shall come again, paying you a visit, reminding you about things. Or even better - you shall find yourself in a situation in which you are either of those things above or something else, and the one throwing it at you and putting you into this situation and making you feel like crap, will go hypocrite about it and do something with someone which is exactly what you’ve been put down for. 

“You are overqualified” - so they hired someone with a doctor in whatever whilst you are just university degree.

“You are too fat” - so she ends up with a sumo wrestler.

“You’re too old” - so there’s an even older guy with her.

I wish to believe that there is a light in the end of the dark - of that tunnel. Eventually you’ll end up in a situation in which either you’re not any better than those whom treated you like that or you’ll eventually stay true to yourself and die in the knowledge that you’ve done it your way and that none of your deeds have been in vein. 

If this would have been written by someone really romantic, you’d have option 3 - everything will turn out well, anyone mistreating you will end up in a bad spot and you will find happiness in your doings. You’ll find that someone who will eventually recognise what you’ve done all your life long and they’ll tell you that it was good and value you for that.

But what am I? The frog king? Go and talk to some dreamy guy who will take your virginity and dump you at the first chance when he doesn’t get the V anymore if you want to hear some sweet lies.

[saschapeter]

Suffocating Protection

I think we all have been in the situation which we wanted to protect someone or something so desperately, that in the attempt of doing so, we actually crushed that person or thing under us and done more harm than anything.

I just had a bit of a moment of self reflection and put on Unleash The Archers, a band of which I’ve never heard. So let’s talk about the dangers of protection for a little while shall we?

I have a not too common or rather rare type of personality - I’m an introvert with social abilities. Not too heavy on the emotional side but in need of balancing myself very well in order not to fall into one of the extremes.

As someone who doesn't pull energy from the people who surround him I find myself often wandering my own path. Alone in London, a strange city and far from people I know, living on the internet for the most of my time - as tool to stay in touch with those with whom I share interests and as a form of entertainment, I tend to be very selective with whom I may surround myself or with whom I may get in touch. 

The big masses of people never appealed to me. They are noisy, loud, irritating, annoying, boring even. It’s the individuals - those who kinda stand there, minding their own business - those who look a bit different - those who stand out through saying or doing something which is rarely found.

People get very dear to myself. Those who I allow to step closer anyway and let into my life. I have a handful of very interesting, diverse and wonderful people who I call friends. They give me an ear when I need to talk to someone. They give me a shoulder to lean against and they give me some sort of place for myself where I can be who I am and would like to be eventually. 

I’m an idealist. I’m very protective. I’m stuck with the idea that I want to provide others with something I have not really had for the majority of my lifetime. Security.

Security to know that whatever may be said is treated in a serious matter, despite how small and meaningless it may appears to be.  Security that when I say, I am there, that they can actually call me up and I will be there on the other end. Security that things shared with me are shared in trust and treated as a secret bigger than illuminati (obviously as their doings are rather public by now).

Or in short, I just want them to know that I will stand at their side and protect them from whatever and help however they may need me.

if you have reached this point of the blog, you may now think “That’s all great, but it sounds like a bit much doesn't it?”. And that’s where the suffocation comes in. 

A lot of people are not comfortable or used to have someone who devotes a lot of his energy into an individual to do his best to do whatever is needed to give this person a chance to breath - be far from worry for a brief moment - have a laugh - be sad together - talk about what bothers the person - or trying to explore said feelings if they are unclear to the person. 

The person potentially could feel suffocated by the shier amount of passion and energy you channel into his/her direction. 

Suddenly having someone who is actually listening, staying up, trying to entertain and deals with everything on top of his own life, is a change. People don’t like changes or deal not well with them. But people also can get used to changes and should explore them. They should give the change a try, should have a look, should explore if it is really not for them, or if it is actually kinda nice eventually?

If you are on the energy giving end: May try to realize that most people don’t really have someone who actually listens. Not with any younger generation anyways. So may approach with care, be clear about why you do that and what it is what you want to achieve, but give the person a little bit of space as well to direct you and tell you what is actually needed.

if you are on the receiving end: May try to find a conversation with the person, say what aspects you like, and which aspects are slightly uncomfortable for you as they are new and unexplored for you. A change in your life. Try to appreciate the effort the person makes, show that appreciation, and if anything, may try to be there for that person at times as well when they say they are low in exchange. Try to entertain them, or talk with them why that is. And above all - explore the change. See if the person is genuine, means well, does respect you and your wishes and if the person does do so over a longer period of time.

Above all - if they want something of you, see what happens if you don’t give it to them. More than once. And if you can see that the person reacts rather odd or even worse, goes slightly negative on about it, may tick the box and find some distance as that person may not is as genuine and nice as you may thought he is.

But should you have someone who spends a long time with constant effort and tries his best, may consider to see if what he does really is so bad. Or if you could actually get used to the knowledge that someone is actually there and you can turn to that person. And be prepared to help this person as well - someone who is like that can drain a shier infinite amount of energy it would seem and pump it your way, but there is a lot of bright shine around a small stream of energy, so maybe you don’t know that the person is actually drained and needs you now to charge his batteries for a little while, so he can be there for you again.

And as well, one can not read minds, so tell them things you think which would help you too. Don’t let people figure it out. This is where the suffocating element comes into as they will try all they know, tirelessly, without knowing if it really does help or not as they can’t read your mind. 

On that note, have a good night everyone and don’t let each other drain nor suffocate.

[saschapeter]

Burried Feelings

Sometimes, life is not very nice to yourself. You are meeting the most amazing people on the other side of the planet - or even just in the neighbour city - and how life has treated them and you - you realize that you need to mute parts of your mind, heart and soul in order to safe this person from more pain than this person already went through.

I have been in the shoes of someone who had known people who became very dear far and close, but life has denied me to meet those people for many reasons and this restriction has lead up to situations of big pain, suffer and frustration for either myself and them as well.

I am once again standing at the rim of a situation in which I spend all my energy into someone who has turned out to be the light of a long darkness which clouded myself for a long time. Yet am I not able to say the words I need to say and do the things I need to do in order to protect her from decisions yet to be made from her. 

The very moment when all got revealed to me I realized that I could not follow my utmost desire to keep her safe and take burdens away from her shoulders as she would straight run into something which in the long term, is very likely to go wrong. 

How can one keep his promise to do all in his might to keep someone safe if the things one needs to do will hurt that persons feeling. It has been the second time where heart and mind said "no" to me and yet I kept going to support something which I predicted to become very bad and it has become very bad just as I said and foreseen. 

Being right is a burden, it's a curse. I keep telling people the directions things can go and give them the scenarios and those scenarios are not pretty and those scenarios are indeed what happens in the very end and then I read that it was as I said and predicted. 

I feel ill to my stomach and the eyes are watery from knowing that what is coming up will be an even harder and darker path than anything before and I'm terrified by the thoughts where this is going, yet is it not in my might to stop it. I can only say all the things but all the things said will be nothing as decisions will be made and pain will be the price. 

I suffer from being that nice guy, that guy who listens when nobody else does, that guy who speaks when everyone is quiet, that guy who holds you when everyone is pushing you away. 

I have accepted my role to be that shadow of people's life's, that shadow who is listening to the quiet cries, that shadow who is drying the tears on ones cheek, that shadow who is pulling the right strings and give the gentle push into the right direction of happiness - up until this day. 

Because today I'm hurt and there are the tears on my own cheeks. Yet there is no shadow on the wall who is drying them off. 

Today I need someone myself. Today I realize, there is no shadow for myself. 

[saschapeter]

Birthday depression

Today is one of those days, the one day in which you have been entering this planet as a little wonder on earth, loved and admired, protected and educated by your parents or part of your parents. It should be a happy day and yet am I sitting here with a big knot in my throat and near tears not even being able to explain why or what exactly is wrong right now.

I had a good day. Kinda. So could one say at least. Work said there is more work to do which is good considering that there is rent to pay and a belly to fill. I kinda re-scheduled my work and surgically elongated it for another hour as a friend - the only friend over here actually with whom I have rl contact and do stuff in my free time - said he would like to go for a pint for my bithday. I did not finish too late after all as I left at 7 - although it was unplanned to go off work then. Came home around 9ish maybe but for reasons described but yet has my mood been a stalling plane nose to earth flight with a close by total destruction by smashing into the ground. 

I have been living with myself for quite a while now. 26 years and counting - lucky bastard. As one who has learned to listen instead of always talking and making noise I kinda looked at myself and how I act and react. I don't want to sound like one of them drug taking "find yourself and get enlighted" hippies which are under a constant cocaine trip but I got a good idea about myself and how I feel and why I act and react in certain situations the way I do.

Today just completely threw me off and there could be many reasons if not countless reasons why. I don't even know. I could take assumptions. I could assume the lack of sleep has had it's hand in my mood together with the one pint I had. Maybe it's the fact that I have had too much contact with too many people suffering from really bad things where I can't really do anything to help them but to listen and be there one way or another. Maybe it's because there is yet another year gone into my life and thinking about how the job is not on the most stable situation and all the things which I would love to do if I could - given time and money is present and I don't need to care for those kind of things - I may felt into a some sort of [Disclaimer: I'm well aware that the word is not accurately used here but it's the lack of linguistics abilities which make me use that one as an example to express my feelings] depression because I realize how much I fail at managing myself and my private time whilst I am all organized in my free time and how I missed so much and got done nothing really, whilst yet not being mentally able to make that jump and take the hurdle to overcome that deficit. 

Maybe I just feel like by the end of the day, the only person I want to be with I can't be with for now and I'm extremely scared that I may never can or that everything turns out different than we would like and I end up being alone again. 

I don't know. 

I don't even ask for your opinions on this. Share whatever but this really was just a necessary emotional housekeeping from my side. 

I hope that whoever reads this blog has a better day than I did and feels a bit better. Or has a better idea about himself. to tackle this.

- Sascha

[saschapeter]

Give the kids back their childhood!

Kids now a days face a whole bunch of marketing brainwash from the youngest of all ages. They grow up in a society in which every semi-human walks around with any iProduct and humans with another brand. 

Growing into a society in which people tell you that you are not cool and in and "one of them" if you don't have the latest overpriced apple product or at least any next-generation smartphones, is one of the worst psychological warfares which technology and corporates developed in the past few years.

Back in the days, when I was young, I played with pokemon cards, had a gameboy, I played with lego and playmobil. I knew how the outside world looks not from a television screen or a tablet or mobile device. I was there playing in the sand and getting my hands dirty. 

Resting in a hammock and even stay outside sleeping in it in a warm summer day. Running through the sprinklers. When you grew older, heading out and go to outside places with your friends as they meet up somewhere without being in a restaurant or pub or bar. 

"By the age of 11, pupils will have to "design and evaluate computational abstractions that model the behaviour of real-world problems""

Really? And the follow up comments about that was "yay, change is happening and we should applaud!" (freely translated/quoted). Applaud that kids not only getting confronted with labels and brands, hypes and pressure to be on top of the game with everything.

"So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause." ―Padmé Amidala

And the same way the childhood seems to die. 

To quote a dear friend of mine: "You are not the clothes you wear". He unfortunately used it in relation of something which I have handled in a previous blog article -> Collectibles, medicine for your soul. If you missed that one, scroll down and have a look.

But for biscuit sake, pupils shouldn't be taught that kind of stuff. Sure, you can argue all you want for it how precious it is and valuable.

2nd language by the age of 8, evaluate computational abstractions by 11, finance and marketing and how to lead a success full a global company with all the laws with 13, rocket science as addition with 14. Suicide rate increased by 60% by children between the age of 8 and 16. I give a frikkin' round of applause to that.

 Instead of getting up and pushing towards turning children into computers and valuable business members from the youngest ages, somebody should turn around and bloody tell them that Fun, Trust, Love, Aid of those in need, Acceptance of those who look and think and dress different, that those are the values to chase after - not how much you've spend for a bloody iPhone 7xzySdeluxe.

In my opinion, those are things which really should be taught. It doesn't matter what brand your clothes are, if there is a crocodile or a bitten rotten fruit. What matters is that you achieve happiness and that you keep an open mind. That you may not agree but at least listen. That you look around and help if you can and even if it is something as small as open the door for someone with the hands full. 

When we keep pushing towards the direction described above - what we will end up with are greedy, cold, profit oriented machines. Big corporates will love them. But it will be a fucking quiet and cold world to grow up with. Grey in grey, as there will be no laughter of children playing outside, no colour on the spot before the house as kids drawn something with chalk and there will be no smile and happy eyes shining bright whenever christmas arrives with the colorful trees or the first snow falls.

I hope you will have some candles, because that will be a very dark world.

[saschapeter]

The relationship: Friendship

Friendship comes in may shapes and forms. Friendship may last as long as a couple of weeks or as long as a lifetime (luck them who experience this).

Friendship can be based around common interests, or a feeling of attachment to each other as you share a alot. Friendship can be meeting people in person or through the internet (yes, I'm calling it here. Internet friends are real, you are attached, you do share things with them, you do spend time just as with others - just not in person per say).

Friendship is also tricky. Sometimes the people involved in the friendship and the friend circle may start to divert. Interests can change, as we do a s a person. The environment we are in is constantly changing and that can affect friendships one way or another.

Friendship kinda is like the soft version of a relationship. It is a giving and taking, it is about spending time and having fun, hanging out and doing things together which all people enjoy.

Friendship shouldn't be a one sided egocentric thing. If it is all about their interests, their pleasure, their fun, then that's not necessary what I would see as a true friendship. 

I have had many kind of friendships in the past, known many people, sided with them, walked with them but also parted with them. At times, it was me who turned and said that we have been diverted too strong and that I'll not enjoy the time anymore, sometimes it has been others. 

The thing with internet friendships are, if you are not one layer deeper involved that you have ways to stay in touch even without internet, you may loose each other quite easily. 

However you met people, you always should be clear about things and be very aware that it's not all about you but if you call the other person a friend, about what they like.

People may feel lost and left behind at points because their friends are focusing on other things. If this is going for too long, I'd only advice to reconsider the value of the friendship to them. 

Making a decision call can be hard - not doing the call even harder.

Always keep your friends in mind, but if they don't come back, they may not be your friends after all anymore.

[saschapeter]

Home sweet home

As the least of you may know, I just moved homes! Yay... forced moves are so much fun... 

Anyways. Lucky me (it was lucky... bloody hell...) was able to get a flat just in the same house as before. All became very hectic and stressful and last moment but in the end it worked out.

So being back online is great, having stable internet and not a wifi connection bridget through your netbook to your computer o_o Sounds like wizardry? It is!

Anywhooooooo~

Throughout the past couple of weeks I've had been confronted with a lot of different things which I hope to be able to formulate into some kind of "this doesn't even make sense but somehow I get it" kinda bloggy thing. 

Since this one was super short, I still feel like writing a letter to J.K. rowling about the Mystery of the Milk and how it relates to wizards. May never gonna happen but hey - the power of the internet! 

Hope you all have a great day and read you soon.

[saschapeter]

Satisfaction and betrayal

I should get money for those headlines. 

Today we shall discuss a quite recent topic. No rant, no blame, in fact - this might as well will be quite close to myself as a person and how I see myself developing as either of the more private blogs recently.

Satisfaction and betrayal is a topic which comes across when you are working. When you are happy with your work you are satisfied with what you are doing. When you are satisfied with what you are doing you most likely doing it right or follow the believe that what you do is the right thing to do.

There is a point in a developers life in which you most likely will run into the situation in which you have to do the thing you like or the thing which will allow you to continue. This is where the betrayal comes in. 

As a software developer I have grown up in the believe that a solid and robust code written with standards and structure is the way to victory. Hard work comes with the job and gratitude is a rare thing you get. All you have by the end of the day is the knowledge that you done it and that you done it right. 

I laughed and joked, blamed and bluntly insulted those whom called them-self developers but merely taking a finished product and adjust it for quite a while now. I've been in the IT business since aprox. 8 years now if I'm not mistaken and since several in web development. As previously said, I don't count myself to the group of web developers but software developers after all. 

Now one thing to note is, I have not made fun out of people for the matter of enjoying it - I really have bad-mouthing other people and talking them down, but merely from my believe that what they've done is below what I see / believe proper web development to be. 

You don't walk around taking a finished CSM, adjust the css, erase the name and sell it as a stable super duper shiny awesome product of your own. Whilst OpenSource embraces that kind of approach, given you respect the licence and do all things necessary stated there, where the true beauty of development comes in is when you do it yourself. 

Recently I found myself guilty that for several reasons, I had to confront myself with the fact that I worked with a CMS and basically did what I have long frowned upon (with all rights). 

Now many may will say now "Well... you get the job done, what's the matter?". It's less so about if you get it done but how. For me at least. 

Whilst the value of a CMS is the advantage of time saving, it is nothing you've done yourself. You have not built this amazing backend with your code, you have not faced the issues around routing pages and constructing the tree with all it's roots, nodes and leaves, you didn't tackle the many things one would have had to do in order to create a stunning looking backend with a beautiful frontend by clicking a couple of things. 

People who worked with me and know me longer and better than most know about my self-critical side - my judgement about my own work and the high ideals coming with it. 

Back in the days I would have taken my resignation doing something which I believed to be wrong (actually happened - turned around and left with nothing, leaving everything and everyone behind). It was in a computer game and I have turned from people I played with every day for years. I couldn't live with the fact that we done things I never wanted to do and so I ended it.

When it comes to real life and your job you have to consider your choices better. You can't just turn around. The consequences are way harder and you may not even be able to do as of finances, living situation or whatever.

As for myself. I completed what I was asked to do. I've bitten into the sour apple of disgraceful defeat. What I have done may was right for the company, may was the right thing to do, I may can take something with me - but I will always know and remember what I've done.

Growing up with idols such as Captain Dyllan Hunt, Stargate SG1 and a variety of manga / anime heroes, decisions such as those are not easily made and hardly ignored. I was not a happy panda and hope I will not be in an equal situation again. 

[saschapeter]

Hard workers, victims of social shared workspaces

Shared workspaces - hubs of communication, engagement and social acitivies. Collaboration chances and events - free classes by the neighbouring company to create social engagement and a feeling of community.

If you get this unwell feeling growing in your lower stomach area and slowly creeping up your throat, feeling like acid burning through your inner organs than you might as well just nailed the right feeling reading this.

Whilst shared workspaces and companies focused around such try to create some sorts of social impact and creating a "place where you will feel well and have such great opportunities with the other members", them unlucky few which have a real job fighting hours every day, dealing with complains and issues, feeling their brains melt as they hit the meltdown hour late night with lack of sleep every other day stressing them-self to put something out there not failing the weekly or even daily sprint and/or goal as the existence of their company might rest on their shoulders like a burden about to crush their bones with the weight of seven earths as the universe gently leans against it with a sarcastic smirk on his lips, having to hear all the noises from them other people drinking and laughing, talking bollax about "save the world social impact"-nonsense whilst the hosts whine about not having enough money to pay the rent but selling all the overprices and exclusively "organic" dump which you need to drink everyday if you want to save a few pence whilst just trying to make a living - those outcasts, victims of the social network created in this social hubs which are focused around startups to engage people with each other and building connections - those rebels and pirates being talked about behind their back and blamed for not attending "the fancy event or social lunch to have a break from your work" because they know better how many hours you can spend on hour 50-60 hour week when you are hardly just about get out of the bed in time to enter the door and sit down on your table, not even being able to buy some breakfast in the take away which is literally just around the corner as all the mixed emotions drove them away and insane as nothing is there which can be done to change. 

Them poor souls sending emails to their boss, highlighting yet another time as they had to listen how someone was a dick as they had to shut their mouth as the relation is needed in order to keep the spot and not having to pay twice the rent as the company would go bank-rubbed. 

Those individuals, minding their own business and not bothering anyone but their own employees and working buddys, trying to push harder and working against the clock and stress and still trying to stay focused on target, way too busy to engage with any kind of trouble around them as they have enough trouble at their own as everyone else seems to have time on their hands like it's going out of style. 

Shared workspaces - social impact - onto those who have not enough time and money to waste it in their events when they are called like dogs, herded together like cattle to listen to the totally unrelated nonsense of somebody not even working there but having something to say and spending enough money that the hosts lick their feets like the loyal pets they are. 

Shared workspaces giving opportunity to those who seek them and not having to think twice about their next payment check, just saving some money for the company sitting around doing their thing sipping some beer and paying for fancy overpriced organic bio-waste. 

I'm not sorry for any minute I've spend working away, sacrificing my social life to an extend in which I call the two people I'm in touch with my social life, putting back on payment and being understanding and all but FFS do I regret every single unspoken curse swallowed down like the bitter-sweet taste of loss and forced truce as you got enslaved by your conqueror. 

If you are one of the lost souls forced into slavery of a social hub, make sure you have either the strength or position to fight the battle or do bloody martial art to overcome your anger before it eats you. Uncontrolled shouting out loud might as well help too but make sure you are in a spot where no one can hear you or shout into the pillow, as the neighbours may call the police. 

With this rage I welcome back my publicized insights into my casual-smart life. Certainly on the more private side this time. 

[saschapeter]

Fresh Prawns!

Ladies and Gents! Experiences have been made and achievements unlocked.

Recently, I've prepared fresh prawns for the first time in my life. This was not only the 2nd time I prepared sea food but also left an interesting smell in my kitchen as I left the shells for one day... 

Carry on! Fresh prawns are a wonderful delicates and undeniable a mouth watering experience for everyone enjoying that kind of food (for the rest... well... yeah... nope).

Preparing the prawns - step by step (readers discretion is advised!):

Step 1: Behead the creature! Because it's brain is moshy and doesn't taste... Many people do this by hand but for the sake of your own "ew... " factor, you may want to use a knife as it is a very glibbery and slimy situation. (I did it with a knife myself... I'm wierd but not THAT wierd!). Simply pull the shell covering the head slightly forward and make a clean cut - off with their heads!

Step 2: Break their tail! (Naughty minds are naughty). Simply make a click-clack move to the right and left to easily pull the tail shell away from the rest - unleashing the soft flesh ... let's carry on... 

Step 3: Slice them bellies! You can either do it with your fingernails (given you have such a luxury (and you are willing to ruin them on your dinner (and you don't have tons of fresh nail polish on it... ))) or you can use the knife again. Just crack the bottom from the tail up to where once the head was placed - it should not be that hard (or is it... :3). 

Step 4: Remove the tank! Err... shell... That's the kindergarden part. Simply pull out the flesh from the now completely open shell and you are all set!

Step 5: Burn it with fire! Or put it into oil... A flame-thrower may does the trick as well - just be careful not to burn the flesh too hard. Only a couple of minutes until you can do he best part of it.

Step 6: Send all your cooked prawns my way with some dip. I like me some cocktail sauce to it and don't be cheap!

This blog is turning into a cooking thing o_O But since I dropped my planned sarcastic rant about "Why you should not work in IT", I thought I might as well share something tasty and more fun with you.

I hope you enjoyed this post and if you have any experience with fresh prawns or recipes (or prepared prawns you want to send me (or dinner invitations (females only and fsk-18 please))) let me know :)

[saschapeter]

What to do on an all out marketing campaign

That's a question which I've stumbled upon quite often. Sometimes in smaller, sometimes in bigger scales.

For a lot of people around me I do free marketing advice and help them getting back on track or help them with tips and suggestions, how they could improve their personal or business marketing strategy. Some of the knowledge I've gathered from watching people, some from my co-workers, some I researched myself or they have been just plain old common sense (Authors note: What I describe as common sense may be mythology and black magic for others.) 

So let's have a quick look at the different channels we have and what all we can do with them shall we?

Remotely everyone knows the (censored unfriendly word) facebook. What you can do with it is posting stuff and give facebook the unlimited rights on your copyrighted images. Perfect for a visual pitch containing a lot of brand specific images and photos from different people. (Authors note: Am I sarcastic? Maybe. Does it come through that I don't really like facebook? Nah... not so much). No seriously, if you do stuff on facebook - keep in mind that as a business, you don't want to give away what is rightfully yours and let other people with a budget of a few million pounds do amazing stuff and create even more money with things you upload. You can use facebook to post information and updates which are not intermediately linked with images and things but other than this, I'd be careful in the selection of what you do. A quick update on a product - sure. Your copyrighted photography which you will use to sell or go on high priced magazines... uhm.. nope.

Let's circulate with google + circles and fan pages! Google might as well does a lot with your data and information and google + is actually underrated, but has it's right for existance. With fancy posting mechanics and general well integration to other google products such as blogger, you can do neat sharing options and nice status updates. Images you put onto picasa albums you keep the rights (as of the terms of use I've read half a year ago (Authors note: This information might be inaccurate as of changed terms of service/use. Whilst I do try to publish correct information, you use this information at your own risk)). With an integration into products like Youtube, your created content from other google products are imported and shared smooth like a sheep's wool after being dried from a bubble bath.

Tweet tweet, we have a bird in the house! Twitter is an amazing tool in terms of engagement and connecting with other people. If you stress a prominent person long enough - you might as well get a retweet or a response from them! (Authors note: Don't stress people, they get easily stressed (Captain obvious is sailing the boat to victory!)). Maintaining a list of interesting people can give you a nice overview of things happening within your target audience or market. With tools such as tweetdeck you can maintain streams of different lists, search results, hashtags and users without having to follow them all - or - if you follow a lot, simply to keep the overview about the most interesting people you follow. Twitter is a nice thing to be done whilst having a quick break or just when you need to relax your mind for a moment and swap over to another task.

Tumblr - as if blogger wouldn't be enough. Tumblr and blogger both provide you with the functionality to post news. Tumblr more than blogger gives you a broader range of interactive post types such as quotes and simply images. Whilst I'm not saying that you can't do such with blogger - tumblr goes a step further and might not be seen as a pure blogging platform - even if it is but blogs you write. I wrap tumblr and blogger both in a nice package which provices you with a good set of tools to write quick or long stories and updates, from a "we've done stuff" to a university standard 50 page analytic about cheese and your excessive love of it. 

Oh look - it's a video! Youtube is a great platform for creating video's. Whilst youtube in itself might not appear to be a business advertisement platform, you sure can do alot of crazyness around your business and the functionality of youtube. Youtube even lets you select if you have product placement in your video and may change the way how it is displayed. Playlists can be formed and stories can be told. Royality free music for the companies which don't want to go to sites like ccmixter.org or other creative common music platforms can be found in the editing section and with the new fan fider to promote your channel, you are ready to go to start building your community and advertise your product. The automatic share to twitter and google+ as well as other platforms like facebook is not to mention, given you add them in your settings ;)

Oh my gosh, he is responding to the chat - is this live or what? Platforms like livestream.com give home to small and big corporations to make weekly or monthly livestreams as they like. Even twitch.tv could be considered but that is really more the place for advertising video games and such, yet another livestream platform. Through the latest developments, there is also hitbox or other well known platforms I may not dive into. Livestreaming can be used in various ways. Q&A from your existing fanbase and community, advertising and showing new features of your product, talking about the latest developments or even just hanging out and making a small office tour. Livestreams can be found in various formats and form factores and vary from company to company and can be held between serious or fun or just because. Twitch has an integration to automatically export your highlights from the livestream to youtube, or the whole livestream when you select it as a highlight. Other platforms may offer such services as well - go and figure it out!

That was a small little break down on the different platforms and places you can do your advertisement and what you could consider to do. Keep in mind that there is still the good old mail campaign with mailchimp, but who is reading emails nowadays anyways? Regardless of all the fantabulous(tm) platforms out there - keep in mind that the best place of information still is your own homepage. When people hear about you, they want to go and check you out. All those networks are valid places to put information but nothing beats a nicely designed smooth homepage with as less javascript/jquery used as possible (Authors note: Yes I do disapprove javascript/jquery being excessively used just to make it pretty - a lot of functionality or visual effects nowadays can be done by pure CSS or nifty html5 elements. I acknowledge use cases in which you can't go without javascript/jquery/whateverframeworkpieceorlibraryyouuse and do use it myself since I do lot's of bootstrap in my private websites and the work I sometimes may do for others.).

I hope you did enjoy my little summary of possible advertisement and marketing campaign platforms and places - if you have any suggestions at your own or want to give me a nudge, you can hook up on my twitter, subscribe to my blog and send me fan mail (FANGIRLS! all of them :3 Just kidding... Fanboys are appreciated too.).

Hope you enjoyed this more serious still sarcastic blog - more to come and I might as well actually go a bit into the marketing part of things. But there are other topics waiting as well :3

[saschapeter]

When things not work out

Or: How dedication is a burden.

As a few people know, I have various projects going on in my free time which I do after my full time job as Lead Software Developer in a London based start up. Now as every one knows who worked in a start up before, being in a small company, your personal effort has a high weight in the success of the company overall.

That kept in mind, remotely every day when I leave at work I'm not quite done with work because I do prepare things for the next morning or when I have my weekend I have to do small clean up tasks or preparation for the next weeks meeting and stuff.

Normally I don't mind to do so, unfortunately I had to come to one simple conclusion this weekend: I can't keep up doing the work I do AND still enjoy things I do like - such as my projects which I tried to work on.

One of the mayor things which had the utmost and highest weight of importance for me was my youtube channel which I was trying to build up. Keeping in mind that there is simply no feedback at all from the people watching and not having the support of friends or a team with which I work, all the research, marketing, branding, logo creation, image creation, finding the right descriptions, analysis for key words and such, trying to analyse and improve on my commenting (which without feedback is shier impossible) and comment style, the recording itself, the attempt to learn about doing intros and fancy effects and stuff with different software, getting the compression and all right and the settings for the encoding to keep it hd quality and all that, simply falls back onto me.

Now Youtube is one thing but I that's not my only hobby out there. If people ask I normally don't respond with the full broad amount of what I like to do in my free time because most react in a way which are not really building yourself up and getting you going. 

There are comments such like "you don't get views anyways so why do you put so much effort into it" or "you are always recording and never in teamspeak anymore". I'm normally a fighter and so far I always said "it's something which is fun for me and I treat that hobby as a project which needs the effort and time to build up and grow" but with everything else and the job I hit the mark in which I don't have the energy for this anymore.

Another thing which I was working on (since I was 14 actually) are stories I write, all focused around one particular story / universe. I believe I have something about 30 pages or so on A4 so far written down digital and on paper - so,... nothing. Due to time constrains, work, youtube, friends, helping other people, your every day stuff. I don't want to ditch the people around me (which I've done hugely already) but neither do I want to stop with any of my hobbies or projects.

I have about 5 websites I wanted to do since forever which I not even remotely started. When you do web development at work, and friends call you up for help, you don't necessary want to do stuff for yourself anymore. It's simply not how my mind works. When I come home from work, I don't want continue working on top of the work I already to anyways. 

I find myself struggling and cornered currently with the idea of keeping up with my hobbies and continue to work the way I did before. I'm a realist and have a predicted outcome for my youtube channel when I stop with the daily episodes, which I can't keep up with anymore, or likewise reduce the amount of hours I spend for work.

By doing less work at home there will be even more work during the week and long hours will become extreme long hours or stuff will not be able to be done, but I see it as the only solution. 

On top of that, I will cut down the amount of episodes I record for my youtube project. I simply can not comply an dedicate myself anymore to the effort necessary to achieve what I had in mind with it.

The stories will continue to get dusty and the websites may never get built. It's a sad fact and I do need to stop myself from thinking that it could turn out differently.

Dedication is a burden, not a gift. If you find yourself dedicated towards something, sacrifices will be made and you will need to choose carefully what exactly you will sacrifice. I killed the majority of my social life, and now I even start killing my private live more than I already did. Draw the line as long as you can and then go with the decision. But make the step.

If you feel yourself struggling with work and hobbies and all, do let me know what your opinions are on the topic and how you manage your everyday's and job and hobby.

[saschapeter]

It has milk in it, how could it be hot?

One of the unsolved mysteries of London is undoubtedly how they still can keep their little pouting lips shut that they are wizards. I mean come on... I have made so many theories that staying quiet about the true nature of the wizardry is getting out of hands!

But that's not what I wanted to talk about you. 

Mysteries - unsolved hidden treasures of man kind, sitting out there to be discovered. One of them is a well known coffee shop which starts with a P and rhymes on get. Besides their slightly expensive wraps (which are, to be fair, quite tasty), there is a little romance going on between me and the people behind the counter. A play so to speak (PG rated play, no nudes in here kiddos :P that's what 4chan is for).

Whenever I get to the counter, I order a coffee latte. My fellow coffee sippers order an americano or other non-latte drinks. Whilst all the other people get a heat shield around their little paper mug, I don't.

Can you feel the heat tonight? No? But I certainly can when I want to pick up my latte (did this on purpose, just for you guy's. What a great host I am). And this, how couldn't it be different, leads directly into a theory of how I prove wizardry going on in the great Britain. 

In the uk, the majority of people who get served at places are British people. It kinda comes with the country - hush, no space for this muggles thinking. So, when British people pick up coffee, they usually  would feel that the coffee is hot. Now apparently, we have just dug into a whole new undiscovered live fact of wizards which no one ever was thinking about! Coffee latte doesn't get served with a heat shield - which means - coffee with a huge amount of milk in it, appears not to be hot for wizards! Why for wizards? Cause every time I pick up that mug I can barely hold it and burn my bloody fingers like I touching hot stones! 

I'm doomed to be a human up to this day because no one proved me different or told me different now. No vampire revealed that I'm turned long time ago, no alien came down to earth telling me I have to take my natural position on the bridge commanding a small space craft with a crew of five, no supernatural being has blessed me with the knowledge nor power not to be human. 

Since I as a mere human burn my hand, it must be that British ladies and gents are non-human! Now let's take a closer look at this, this is huge! J. K. Rowling - you really should get your studies straight! (And take notes if you want to do any sequels - feel free to use any research material provided here even for commercial use given that you give proper attribution in the credits of the book. And may invite me for a tea. I like it with milk and sugar. One and a half spoon of sugar. I may not say no to a biscuit neither. Cake is nice too). 

Milk comes from cows - the milk originally serves the purpose of feeding their babies - milk feeds life - life inhales milk - milk is life - life turns dark - dark is black - black is milk - black milk!

Black milk clothing is selling Harry Potter clothing and therefore already proven my theory as they called their brand milk and since coffee latte contains such a huge amount of milk and wizards don't react on milk and the heat they are real. 

Boom.

I'm kinda sad now that I have not been the first one to figure this out - and the thing about the black milk clothing literally just got picked up by myself as I wrote this. I wonder if they knew before others did but they certainly did a good job in keeping it secret but obvious. Calling a brand after the ground breaking and fundamental trick to blow the secret and living prove how to identify wizards has been there for ages and I am yet happy to blog abot it :)

Disclaimer: I'm not anyhow associated with black milk clothing and I only can dream that they give me any revenue for this mention here :(

Not a disclaimer: Just send me a tweet when you have time to invite me for that tea and cake feast Mrs. Rowling :)

[saschapeter]

There is no passion, there is serenity

Over the course of the last year, I have grown some very strong opinions on certain topics, how I see things and what I do want and not want to be called or compared to. A daughter of this thought process, which ultimately is only a shadow of the whole self-analytical research I do on myself and my mind, has been the idea of passion and how people use the word.

Let us take a look at an example which is related to my profession. If you go out there googeling, you'll stumble upon a page which contains comments, which apparently are real git comments which developers did. Now I had a brief tweet-length "conversation" about what these people did.

My opposite partner in the discussion, described those developers as passionate because they are fixing stuff late night and get frustrated about it as it may or may not work as a natural result of this. 

Now, knowing how I work, you might as well know that I certainly did not agree on that at all. What I've seen there is a couple of devs doing rubbish documentation, messing up the git history with their useless "Fix this sh** next update" lines and might as well messed the code up as well.

Passion is used in the sense of above's example a lot of time and I can't really see to identify myself with the idea, that passion equals a huge amount of energy spent no matter what the quality of the output is. That, at least, is what I read over and over and get a comparison to. 

Now there is a couple of things I'd like to get out there before diving into it. If you are the person who happened to be my discussion partner, this is not a reflection on you but puristic my point of view, having spend more time and thoughts into the topic we discussed, and therefore absolutely distinct from our initial discussion.

Reason why I add this line, which seems ridiculous, is that people came back at me and basically telling me they have been offended and I said wrong things and stuff because it has been different and stuff. I really couldn't give a biscuit. But I thought I might as well add this to the other readers to clear some things up. 

In my very personal opinion, passion should not be used careless as a word to describe someone doing something and not giving a biscuit about the output, and may even make it worse with what he does. Looking at the git history on the website I mentioned, I would not describe those developers as experienced nor hugely valuable for future projects or long term projects.

Obviously, by the level of frustration, they don't care about clean documentation any more. I only can say that people need to learn their personal limits and need to learn when they are actually beyond the point of productivity.

Why I describe them as not valuable for future projects or long going projects is simply the quality they produced. People who are frustrated and work late do mistakes. Their code quality suffers to a level in which they might as well waste 2h on fixing a problem which they after a decent rest and fresh mind could have fixed in half the time. 

Now the only reason why I can jump on assumptions like this is because I have gathered my experience with frustration and personal limits. I have worked nights and spend hours which basically have been wasted or not very productive. I have had my frustrating hours in which I was a pain to work with and really just have been left alone because my mood would have dragged everyone down.

Looking back and being in a way better position than I have been back then, with all the experience made, I can say that from my personal experience, I have done a pile of poop whenever the above things applied. It needed quite a while for myself to realize this and acknowledge that fact, but I have done this now. The numbers speak for themselves. 

Whenever I had a day like the developers in the git history described, the other day I either deleted the whole code I made and rewritten it in half the time or I removed the code completely and did it fresh and better. 

Passion should not be justified by a huge amount of time spend on something no matter what the results are. Passion should be something which is lighting up your heart speaking about it, it should be a gleam in your eyes with the heat of a burning fire fuelling your body to do whatever you are passionate about. It should not be connected to bad outputs or thoughts. Except you are a Sith Lord, then go nuts and use the hate for death and destruction.

That's my 5 pence at least.

If you feel the dark side of the force, let me know what you think about passion and what your thoughts are. I'm always up and happy for discussions so feel free to get in touch with me and have a splendid day.

[saschapeter]

Appreciation - rarely done when you have the chance

If you are easily offended, emotional, or not easy with topics around death / losses in families, please stop reading and click on another blog piece. 

I actually don't really know if I should put this up but since I have done a lot of rants and stuff in the previous some posts, I might as well give away another small piece of me as of recent events.

The lead text kinda gives it away that I had a loss in my family - not very recent I have to say, as my dad passed away about two years ago now. I could not even name the date. I just know that I got heavily drunk the day after to the extend in which I was not able to stand any more and lost some memory to how I was able to go to bed.

This very instance as I write this piece, I'm watching a video about maerklin model trains. I've seen a few of them now and still continue to watch. 

The reason why this is the opener for my blog, is because my dad used to have maerklin. I believe three trains and a good amount of rails. It is all stored in a box with my mother now as I had a look over when I visited her on christmas. I think it is not all maerklin as some of the trains have a different name on it but most certainly a few are and basicly, for me it doesn't matter as my parents went to maerklin stores and it is "the maerklin rail" for them and so is it for me. 

Looking back into my childhood and teenager years, I have to admit that I was not a great son to have. I had a lot of issues which I blamed onto my parrents for a while, majorly my father - It was not an aggressive blame or one which did influence the relationship with him, but something which was always in the way the one or other way and also prevented me later on to visit him as often as I should have done.

I develop into the direction that I was really into gaming from early ages on. I was a single child - I never had any problems to actually entertain myself. From that perspective, I have been a very good one because I could play hours and hours in my room with my lego and playmobil and other toys I had. Later on it was more with the gameboy and N64 but still the fascination about the lego never stopped. I could have build lego all day long whenever I visited my father. I had a big castle, a small lego rail, and a few other lego things besides Star Wars which was the big thing for me.

I also had a neighbour over there, with a son and a daughter, different ages, different interests but I was able to hang with both one way or another. 

One of the main events which made me slowly decrease the amount of time which I've spend with my father at the weekends, as I found out about the divorce of my parents. I can remember it like yesterday even when it was back when I still was going... I don't know... kindergarden maybe? I have no idea... but my parents have been divorced since I can think.

The day quite rested in my mind as it was upon my question "why we always drive to my father and not live together" that I found out about the divorce. As a child you don't really get what it means but for any reason I did not ask any further questions and kinda felt that there was something up. Spending alot of time with yourself and with the tv and games get you to topics which are not always easy to understand but you get a feeling for them. Luckily for me so to speak, tv has been good back in the days when I was young, with animes and cartoons like kickers, bugs bunny, sailor moon, mila, saber riders and the star sherrifs, captain planet, as well as series such as Andromeda and Star Gate, building our characters and teaching us a level of understanding and what it means to do right and wrong things.

Say what you want - our generation has been different from what came after us and I believe with all what I stand here that we have been the lucky ones having those series, cartoons and animes.

So that was one of the things. 

The natural effect, not in terms of defiance but feeling a bit disappointed, the weekends have not been that frequent anymore after like a half a year after that day.

Growing older, I notice that another women was around whenever I visited my father. Curious as an slightly overprotective child I have been and still am, I was asking who she was, why she was always around etc. The typical questions. Well, hello new wife of my father.

My half-brother I have met as he was in his bed in the living room as I visited my father again. Needless to say that there was no such thing as prior warnings. The wife was not necessary showing any sings of it, she was really slim. 

I can remember the few times in which I told my dad that I love him. That was as I was younger. When I was talking to him more about things, when we played more games together, watched batman and the cartoons on saturday and sunday morning or afternoon. But I also remember the countless times in which I have not said a word and how I did not say it at all as I grew older. 

I never told him how proud I was of him handling everything so well with the finance and the landscaping business he had. He was at his own with two employees at times. He was _the_ landscaper for the golden coast as the region was called, as it had some of the most richest people around. Unfortunately not in the list of our clients, but the city was a better city so to speak.

He was a good gamer as well, has beat me in Mario Kart often and in duels in other games. He was super fit, and I'm jealous about his hair as well. It sounds stupid if you think about it, but I have very thin hair and I loose more and more of it, he had thin hair too but like with all the volume and stuff, it looked really good.

He showed me how to shave as well. Besides playing N64, that's one of the other things I learned from him, or how to tend to a garden. 

The bottom line after writing this blog with dried tears on my face is, that I was a shit son. I stopped my first education to get a better chance in germany, I have not thanked him enough or told him how much I loved him despites him being too afraid to disappoint me when he tells me that he is divorced, having another wife and a brother is coming. 

My father died because of apoplexy (I hope I got the right word. Sudden pain in the brain as something bursted and then it is like passing out, and it is over. As far as I've been told, besides the initial pain which is more than a strong headache, the death is not painfull and it was only for a short time). Now there will be no chance to ever tell him all the things I always wanted to do.

I only can hope that I ever will have enough finances to have a decent flat or house, and that I grow an old enough age to somehow assemble that maerklin model trains of him. He never was able to finish it and I would love to do so for him.

It took me a few month with mild natural medications and over one and a half year of time to finally say something.

The bottom line of this highly emotional and disturbingly open blog of mine, which gives a bigger insight into my disturbed mind than I ever gave to anyone even my friends or my mother, is really simple - If you are lucky enough to still have your parents, even when you feel like they "annoy" you or do things which you don't like. Appreciate that they are there. Your parents are most likely the only people which will care for you under whatever circumstances you come back with and with whatever shit you made. 

Your life is a gift from them to you and don't you dare say you have not been asked to be born. The love from your parents can't be replaced. Embrace that gift, because it is not a lasting one.

~ In memory of my father - I'm sorry that I have not been the son you would have deserved, but you certainly have been the father I wish still to have ~