YES. Thank you. I’ve made this comparison, and I dunno how it’s hard to imagine Ben would react with fear, terror, anger…
Imagine you wake up and your uncle is pointing a gun at you. You have a gun on your nightstand. So, yeah, you fucking reach for it. Only, you don’t wanna shoot your uncle, so you shoot for the ceiling instead. You just keep shooting until part of the ceiling collapses because you don’t know what to do.
You emerge and all your cousins from the family are standing around you. All they know is they heard shots fired, and your uncle is under a pile of rubble. You have a gun in your hand. You try to tell them what happened – “He had a gun pointed at me! I had no choice!”
But you’re the black sheep of the family. Only a handful of your relatives stand to tolerate you. You’ve got anger issues. Everyone knows it. You tried to tell them about what happened – why you feel so angry and scared and traumatized. You were abused as a child, and no one did anything. Instead they sent you away to stay with Uncle Luke. They thought a summer away in a cabin would help “heal” the wounds of lifelong childhood abuse. They thought you could somehow control the anger and sadness that came with it. They thought you were responsible for it.
And as for Uncle Luke? Well, he’s a war hero. He’s a teacher, now, after his service…. An upstanding man who has a name and a title and a big shining legacy… and you? You’re just a kid with a gun in your hands.
Your other cousins try to pull guns on you, so you and the small handful of cousins on your side shoot in defense. What’s done is done, though, and you look like a murderer. You’ve got a record. It won’t matter that you defended yourself. You all throw the bodies inside and burn down the cabin. Burn the evidence.
What you don’t know is that Uncle Luke made it out alive.
But… Uncle Luke goes on to tell everybody that you pulled the gun on him, that you pulled the gun on your fellow students, that you burned it all down because you wanted to – he tells your parents, he tells strangers…. he even tells the girl you’re falling in love with.
You were willing to bring a ceiling crashing down over top of you before you’d shoot your uncle…. but now you’re the bad guy, because he can’t admit it. He can;t admit he might have killed his nephew given the chance. Over your abuse. Over your inner torment. Over your pain. And no matter what you say, they’ll always believe him – that’s clear now. Might as well embrace the darkness within you. No one ever believed anything else of you anyway.
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